Not gonna lie, that shit drove me bats too. Well done :D

This is the third piece I've read by you so far. The first one was your POV on how Jayden got addicted and "You and Me", another fic I need to review.

I thought you did a really good job on explaining some plot holes and questions other players had throughout the game.

It's really one of those games where you enjoy it on the first run but after a few more plays some things don't make sense when you think about it.

Why didn't anybody tell the police, family, friends, anyone about the boxes they found? Like the reviewer Lucrecia said, it would've made more sense if there was a threat included saying "If you tell anyone, the trials will be over and your son will be dead". So what was wrong with that direction?

Why would anybody mistake Ethan for the killer if the killings had been going on for two years before Ethan's coma then another amount after he woke up?

I still love the game but those plot holes are an issue. I'm rambling so I'm going to get on to the review.

Like how I said that Jayden was one of my favorite fictional characters, Scott is also in the top spot.

He's such a heroic, tough, strong, and yet kindhearted, depending on how you play him, character when you first get around to him it shocks you when that pivotal point shows you who he really is.

You really did show those sides of him really well, to him doing something as horrible as torturing a family then being sweet and fatherly himself the next with Melissa. Also Ben in some very twisted ways.

I also love how deep the "crazy logic" hole went with Scott talking to the ghostly image of his brother and these trials. How he wanted to see the fathers succeed in the face of torture.

I love how you played out Ray and Sue, the typical alpha male/submissive woman pairing.

You can only swing your club so much before it bonks your own head. His pride and cockiness gave him the good chance of being the father who saves his son but his piggish, sexist behavior cancels out those traits about him.

Not to mention if he was smart enough to tell Sue about the box or at least hide it from her. Then his decent into self-destruction, which I'm sure will happen to his wife, when his only chance to save his son is gone for good.

I also like how you showed Scott luring the children to him with his uniform along with his fatherly disposition and mapping out their daily routines even routes the boys would takes.

Nothing much else for me to add but to say again that I love your writing.

You are a goddamn genius. I wish I could write Heavy Rain stories even half as well as you do.

This is brilliant and deeply fucked up in the best way possible. You really should write more stories.

...So I followed your advice and read 'Flower'. Can't say I'm a huge fan of Shelby, but this fic's so much more interesting than 'We Almost More...', for example.

It was well written, as always, the prose not too sparse and not overabundant. I'd say it was a believable look into the mind of a serial killer. The parts with John - not at all confusing, everything made perfect sense (of course, given the fact that Shelby has certain 'issues'). I also liked Ray, for some strange reason - an aggressive alcoholic, kinda like Shelby's father, and yet willing to try saving his kid (if only out of sheer stubbornness and rage). At the end, though, I honestly thought he was going to beat his wife to death, not just proceed to commit a lengthy suicide.

You say the tunnel irritated you so much that you decided to write a whole fic explaining that part of game? As for me, I was always wondering why the hell none of those fathers ever showed the origami to anyone else? Like the police, or their relatives? After all, they never received a message from the kidnaper/killer saying: "Don't go to the police, or it'll be all over," or anything of that sort. So why don't they share such important evidence with anyone? It's kind of stupid for nine grown-ups (including Ethan) to just rush headfirst into danger, without even considering the risk of failing, and then leaving the police without any clues. But I digress. You did a good job on this fic, that's for sure.

I hope you keep on picking out unexplored parts of the game to write about, because you give such a good explanation or scenario for each one.

Hearing Scott's thoughts and seeing his motivation (John) for his actions just explained everything so well, especially seeing how he really wanted to find someone who could succeed. That was something which really added an interesting layer to the trials themselves.

Lovely job, and please do another one when you're able! Having a dissertation hanging over you is not fun at all, but stress has an odd way of driving creativity sometimes, doesn't it? :D

Hey, thanks, both of y'all. I just did an editorial runthrough to fix up the worst of the grammatical problems and shitty phrasing.

The Carvers are my own invention - Sue wasn't meant to be Susan Bowles from the game, and I only realized my stupid naming mistake when Chameleon2 got confused by it. Sorry, entirely my bad. I sort of vaguely meant for this to take place either during the tail end of Scott's first killing streak, or the beginning of his second. Pretty distant from Shaun.

Chameleon2, thanks for your kind words. I always sort of felt like Shelby was a dude who THOUGHT he was picking the guys who were going to pull of the rescue, but was always unconsciously picking losers who wouldn't be able to do it, because he needed to watch them try over and over again. So I wrote this as a sort of instance of that.

God damn it, I'm probably going to write more of these. My dissertation is crying softly in a corner.

You are my hero. This is such a cool story. You know, I never even thought about how Scott got the glass in that little tunnel, but you're so right, there's no way he could get his bulk through there (I kept messing up with stupid Ethan and his stupid 'Oh, you want me to go left, well, then I'll turn completely around, shan't I?' tendencies), and it would make perfect sense for him to get this done by way of origami tests for the previous daddies.

I loved to loathe Carver, and I now believe I should have let his wife commit suicide because yeah, she was limp and useless. The way you wrote her : )

I really liked how Scott chose Carver because he hoped the man would COME THROUGH. In the game you got the idea that he kept trying to get people whom he'd expect to fail at saving their son.

That's what I didn't really understand about choosing Ethan, either. He already sacrificed himself to save one son, failing but getting irrepairably damaged too. Why put him through that again? Scott must have known he'd do anything for his son. It makes no sense if he only selects drunks and bastards to 'save John', only picking the perfect dad after so many failures.

So, now you've solved the 'Why did no one take Madison's bike','how did Madison get Jayden's phone number', 'what on earth did Ethan do for like 9 hours in between finger-chopping and murdering someone', and the (so far not even detected by me) question of how Scott got the traps in place, and how he got all those mechanical doodads.' What's left?

The riddle of ARI/Tripto-what makes Jayden halucinate, the drug or the glasses?

Where is Jayden's partner-aren't FBI agents supposed to come in pairs?

Who was the poor sod in the Doc's basement, and why doesn't Alison report his body's there?

Ugh. there were so many more silly things I picked up, but now I've forgotten them all.

Anyway, enjoyed the story, hope you'll find more at fault and write more, cheers!

I was hoping someone would write a fanfic about him actually getting the kids because I wondered how he would do it exactly and how the kids fall for it. I've been trying to write one myself but I suck at writing haha. Excellent job so far (I've just read chapter 1, going on to chapter 2) There aren't enough fics about Shelby and this one is brilliant. *Faves*