Hello there, authoress Keyblade :) I'm DJ Broken Wang, and I'm also writing fanfics, but in another anime. Anyway, I'm so glad that you've written this fanfic. I was sad that there were rare plots with the anime One Outs, but seeing you make an effort to contribute is valiant, indeed. Nevertheless, I have to congratulate you for that.

Now, on to the real review... Ho (sigh), I am not judging your credibility as an author; in fact I respect your writing sense since you have more experiences than I do. However, as one of the reviewers stated, Lycaons was situated in Saitama, not Tokyo. I was one with that reviewer when he (or she) said about your protagonist being more of a background character, instead of being one. You started off with Kat being a supreme person, yet, her character drops as the story progresses.

Also, the league championships in Japan is a contest between the Pacific league and the Central league, thus, they have to win first against one of the baseball leagues in P-league namely: Bugaboos, Eagles, Fingers, BlueMars, and the king Mariners. You could look up on the information about the 12 original teams plus four due from Prime Minister Shinzo Abe signing about the additional teams.

Have you already read the whole manga? Because it was cooler to see the internal feud between Toua and Saikawa. Not to mention, Itsuki Takami really wants to take him down, I almost hate him (but I can't xp).

Setting that aside, your storyline is... interesting. One Outs is a really dark story made for deeper analysis about playing baseball. To see this in a romantic view is strange, but funny nonetheless. I could still remember my reaction when I read the scene with the accidental kiss... Tokuchi blushing keeps on ticking my funny bone.

Hehe xp

Personally, I would be lying if I said I loved it. But, you'll grow. I know that your writing would develop, too. At least, you're not having trouble with spelling more than I do!

Your plot is entertaining, it refreshed my mind. Congratulations :D

thanks it's lovely

it was good but it was just a little bit predictable... but it was also not bad...

Wow! This story is amazing! I love the main character! She is really well rounded and ignore all the other reviewers she is not a mary sue! btw, I am going into 9th grade too! It's nice to find other people my age that like one outs!

NOOOO! Cliffhanger! T-T -waits in suspense for the next chapter-

This is going to be harsh, but I'm not as forgiving as everyone else who reviewed your story -and you clearly ignored their good advice.
Your character is a mary-sue, plain and simple, and I promise you no-one wants to read about one. One Outs is about a man who uses his cunning to bring change to the weakest baseball team of the league. Your story is about wish fulfillment.
Also, Tokuchi does not blush. Ever. You've completely butchered the original One Outs story and you've utterly butchered Tokuchi by putting "Kat" in the middle of it and pretending that she is the one leading the team to victory. Stop making One Outs about your inflated character and make it about what people actually want to read about-Tokuchi and the Lycaons.
As for your writing, there's nothing original about it. You can't just twist the original lines from the anime and your own story.
There's nothing that can save this story, but there's always a second time. Do you love Tokuchi's character? Then actually show some thoughtfulness in your writing instead of creating a horrible romance and twisting and twisting his character until he's unrecognizable.

funny epic fail! I want to see more. put some drama in the next chap!

ooooh I smell romance! keep it up

I can't wait for the next chappie!

oh la la, a bit of lip action. keep up the great work!

Hi! I was reading your story and basically silverpetal said most everything I was thinking of saying. About using Japanese, I understand wanting to add a little flavor here and there to the story, but you should be very careful about writing in a different language. If you don't know Japanese, then I would suggest not using at all. Also, I just wanted to mention that Tokuchi seems incredibly out of character. There's more to him than just copious amounts of smirking. Why would he genuinely complement Kat when he's never given a compliment to even the likes of Kojima/Takami? And why would he reveal the One Outs contract to anyone, and that too Saikawa's niece no less? It would be interesting if he had some ulterior motive (a selfish, non-romantic motive that is), but it seems like everyone in the story is either putting your OC on a pedestal or trying to tear her down and it's rather unrealistic. The world needs more stories about our favorite gambler though, and you should definitely give One Outs fanfic another shot, this time focusing on characterizing Tokuchi rather than your OC!

this looks promising, keep going. I like where it's going sofl far

it's good so far keep going

I like it. you might want to work on your oc a little though

nice job! girl power! keep going with the story!