A/N: Thanks to my HS Chellero for the beta and cheerleading and constant poking. ;) You're the best.

And special thanks go out to the FB M-A ladies. I'm proud to be part of a group that encourages, teaches, and shares so much. Love you guys!

With a sigh, Joss watched the snow fall from the window of her mother's kitchen and blew across her mug of coffee. The doctor had realized pretty early on that she'd probably recover from her gunshot wound more quickly and comfortably at home. She wasn't the best patient. The only requirement for her discharge was her having someone she could stay with for a few weeks. Her mother had been a Godsend - keeping track of her meds, cooking meals, helping her bathe, getting Taylor off to school – doing all the things she couldn't do for herself then.

That was four weeks ago.

There was nothing quite like moving back in with Mom as an over-forty single mother. She loved her mother with every bit of her soul, but they were too much alike. Too independent. Too hard-headed. Her father used to say that he never knew where his wife ended and his daughter started they were so alike. It was both a compliment and a curse.

And then there was John. He'd been around almost every day she could remember. She couldn't seem to reconcile the man she thought she knew with the one now, the one hovering, helping, looking a little intimidated by her mother.

She smiled at that thought. If anyone could intimidate John Reese, it was Evelyn Ward. He wasn't afraid of the bad guys with guns; no, he was skittish of a five foot nothing, sixty-seven year old black woman. It was pretty funny. But Joss knew her mother; she'd probably given him a reason.

"Jocelyn, come away from that window before you catch a chill. That's the last thing you need."

Knowing her mother couldn't see her face, Joss rolled her eyes. "Mom, I'm fine..."

"Don't you argue with me, young lady. Bring your behind over here and get that blanket on. You've only just gotten out of the hospital."

"Four weeks ago, but who's counting," she mumbled, wanting to say more, say it out loud, but did as she was told. It was pointless to argue, that much she knew. And she secretly appreciated her Mom worrying about her. Really, she did.

They sat in silence for a few minutes; the crackling of the fireplace and the clacking of knitting needles the only sounds.

Without looking up from her project, her mother smiled slightly. "So, tell me something about your young man. He doesn't talk about himself much."

Joss coughed over a sip of her coffee. "My what?"

"That tall, handsome, drink of water who hasn't left you for more than a few hours in the last month."

"Are you talking about John?" She set her mug on the table, making sure to get it on a coaster.

Her mother nodded, but still didn't look up. "Mmmhmm. That's him. Is there something going on between you two?"

Joss let out a laugh that made her chest ache. "Where do you come up with these things, Mom?"

"I have eyes, Jocelyn."

"Then you'd better get 'em checked." She stood and reached for her mug again. "We're just friends."

Her mother shook her head and gave a little snort. "Been a long time since a man looked at me like that, but I still recognize it when I see it. That's not a look of friendship."

"Mom, seriously..."

Evelyn set her knitting on her lap and looked at her daughter, daring her to argue. "Jocelyn Rochelle...the man paced that hospital waiting room like a caged animal until the doctor finally came out and said you'd made it through the surgery." She gave a slight pause. "Of course, then we didn't see him again for almost a week."

The coffee mug suddenly felt heavy. "What? Why? I thought you said he never left for more than a few hours."

Knowing she'd gotten her attention, her mother lifted her knitting and continued. "You were out for a day or so, then loopy on the meds; I'm not surprised you weren't aware of things. I don't know exactly what happened. I only know what that Mr. Finch told me, that your John got hurt, too. That he needed a few days to heal and to, and I quote, take care of a few things."

"He's not my John," she said, almost out of habit. She sat heavily back on the couch, a little stunned. "How bad was he hurt? And why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Well, I don't know for sure, honey. I thought, at first, the blood on his shirt was yours. Come to find out later, it wasn't. He'd been shot, too." She looked up from her knitting, eyeing her daughter carefully. "You don't remember any of it, do you? I thought we were avoiding talking about it, but it was because you don't remember."

Joss shook her head. "Not much, no. I remember John yelling and the gunshots, but I just thought Simmons missed the first time. He didn't though, did he? He hit John with that first shot. It all happened so fast. I don't remember much about the hospital either. I remember seeing you and Taylor, Lionel, a few other people. Finch. And I'm sure I remember seeing John."

Her mother nodded, "It was a week or so after your surgery that he showed back up to the hospital. Never stayed long. Always looked like he was hurting. Just came in, said hello to me or Taylor. He'd spend a few minutes watching over you, talking to you and holding your hand, and then he'd be gone again. Once you were well enough to come back home, it wasn't long before he was knocking on my door, wanting to come in and help. He's a good man, Jocelyn, but there's something a little dark inside of him, I think."

Joss's head snapped up at that. Her mother was way too perceptive.

"He cares about you, though. Might even be in love with you."

"He's not, Mom." She shook her head, fidgeting and running her fingers over the lip of her mug. "He was just worried about me."

"Hmm. Kind of like you're worried about him right now, huh? Don't play with me, girl. I've known you all your life. I know that look. I've watched the two of you these last couple of weeks. How you look at him when you think he's not looking. How he tries to make you smile and laugh and how you try not to let him. And how, sometimes, he makes you want to throttle him, too. Only thing that brings out those strong emotions is love. And you know it."

Trying to change the subject, Joss took a sip of her now lukewarm coffee. "You got all that, huh? You two barely say a complete sentence to each other when he's here."

"Don't need to. I said my piece to him a while back. He said his piece. We came to an understanding." She never looked up from her knitting, but had the smallest of smiles on her face.

"Oh, I don't like the sound of that. No wonder he's scared of you," Joss laughed. "What in the world could you two possibly have talked about?" But she knew, even before she finished, what they had talked about. The look on her mother's face confirmed it.

Evelyn clicked her tongue. "Good Lord, are you still loopy on those pain meds? We talked a little about what he was going to cook for dinner, a little about life, and we talked about you some. Or, really, I did most of the talking...he definitely knows how to keep things close to the vest where you're concerned. But I got some out of him."

"Mom, leave the man alone."

Evelyn shrugged and said nothing, but when she looked up at her daughter, she let a smile tease her lips. She knew that look, too. Jocelyn was mulling over what they'd just talked about. It wouldn't be long before she did something about it.

A FEW DAYS LATER

Standing in the shower, Joss decided that her mother was a master manipulator. Of course she already knew this, but this whole thing just cemented her title. Evelyn liked John; she'd made that clear. And she'd put the nugget in Joss's head that just maybe things weren't necessarily what she'd originally thought they were. Maybe John wasn't there out of a sense guilt for the bullet she'd taken. Maybe he wanted to be there. Maybe there was truth to what her mother said about how he felt. Maybe that kiss in the morgue was more than a goodbye.

She shook her head. Of course it had been. He'd opened himself up to her; he so rarely let anyone in. He'd let himself be vulnerable with her. He'd trusted her. And then that kiss...

How in the hell had she missed it?

Who was she kidding? She always missed these sorts of things. It had taken Paul weeks to convince her he was interested in her. She was always so focused on her studies or her job. The hints men dropped, the things they did to gain her attention, she so often missed the signs.

She thought back to the things that had happened over the last few weeks. Things she hadn't thought too hard about until now: the food deliveries, her favorite coffee and pastries sitting on the counter in the morning. The easy smiles he gave her. The meals he'd cook. Although those were probably more for her mother than her. Getting to her through her Mom's stomach. It was devious but brilliant.

Seeing these things through the filter her mother had put in her head, she could see where she might have been wrong. She'd immediately rolled them into the "John's guilt" category because that was his MO. He felt guilty for so many things - even things he couldn't control. Her getting shot was a big one. She knew him well enough to know he probably felt like he should have protected her. Even if the NYPD had taken John Doe's gun because he didn't have a permit for it. In his mind, he should have found a way. She was sure he wouldn't even think twice about the bullet he'd taken. Because of her.

She let out a sigh as she finished shaving her legs. What was she going to do with him? His guilt complex was something she'd gotten used to dealing with over the years. This, though...this was not. This was a whole different John Reese. One she hadn't anticipated...or prepared for.

A FEW DAYS LATER

Leaning against the door jamb, Joss watched Reese move around her mother's kitchen like he owned it.

"You definitely seem to know your way around."

He shrugged without looking at her. "A kitchen is a kitchen. Although, your Mom's is nicer than most professional kitchens." She could hear the grin in his voice, even with his back to her.

She snorted. "Which is funny since she can't cook a lick."

He cut his eyes at her, but they were shining with humor. "Be nice."

She walked over next to him and leaned her back against the counter. "Tell me I'm lying. You've eaten her cooking."

He didn't look at her, only crooked his finger at her in a "c'mere" motion.

Swallowing and crossing her arms over her chest, she leaned her head closer, not liking the way the damn butterflies were moving around in her belly.

Why did she notice that he licked his lips when he turned his head towards her?

And why the hell couldn't she keep her eyes off of them?

When she looked up, she could see that knowing look in his eyes, the one that made her want to take her gun out and shoot him sometimes...or kiss it right off his face.

"What?"

He leaned in so close their foreheads nearly touched and, she realized, if she lifted her chin just the tiniest bit their lips would brush.

She wouldn't, though.

She wanted to. Just once. Just to see if it felt the same...

She really needed to stop this.

"Why do you think I've been cooking so much? I don't want you to starve. Or have to live on take out", he stage-whispered.

When he leaned back slightly, he gave her a wink and she shook her head, blushing.

"So that's why you're here?" She regretted the question as soon as the words left her mouth, watching as the walls came up and his relaxed smile disappeared.

He turned back to the food he was preparing; the only real indication that she'd hurt him, the quick twitch of his jaw muscle. "Is that what you think?"

She gave a quick shrug and looked down at her hands. Hurt or not, she wanted to know. "I'm not sure what to think. I just know you've been here a lot. We haven't exactly talked about it."

Reese laid the spoon across the pan and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and turned back to her, letting it out slowly, and giving her a long look. "We haven't talked about a lot of things, Joss."

"I know."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Joss could feel the frustration radiating off of him. They'd done something, something that had changed the dynamic of their relationship...and they couldn't seem to work up the nerve to talk about it. Talking, especially about feelings, was so far out of their individual comfort zones it should have been funny, but right now it wasn't. She knew they needed to. It was like the elephant in the room they couldn't get rid of. But where would it lead them? Would things change even more? Was she ready for those things?

"Joss." He gave her a crooked smile to lighten the tension he saw on her face and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on the curve of her jaw, tilting it up so she would look at him. "I'm here because I want to be." He dropped his hand, looking away, and picked the spoon back up, dipping it into the sauce and giving it a quick stir. "I wouldn't...couldn't... be anywhere else right now. OK?"

When he glanced back at her, she was startled to see something deeper than guilt in his eyes. He wasn't trying to hide it this time and it took her breath. She could only nod and run her hand over his arm as she managed to whisper, "Thank you." She needed some time to process this. And she couldn't do that standing so close to him in the kitchen.

He gave a quick nod. "Now...get out of the kitchen so I can finish dinner without you distracting me. I don't want to ruin your mother's recipe."

She let out a nervous laugh and she nodded again. "Oh, I get it now. You're really just trying to impress my mother."

He turned back around, but mumbled loud enough for her to hear, "Maybe I'm just trying to score some points with her daughter."

She tried to hide her surprise at his boldness but decided she couldn't let him have all the fun. "John?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're doing fine in the points department."

She didn't see the corner of his mouth turn up.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER

He could feel her eyes on him as he stirred the pot. It was funny, considering she was stirring her own proverbial pot. And she was doing a good job of it, too. He smiled to himself and waited for her to say something.

"What's on your mind, Evelyn?" Reese asked when she didn't.

"That's a little creepy", she said with a laugh.

"What is?" His eyebrows lifted in question, but he didn't look away from the stove.

"How you always seem to know when I'm standing quiet as a church mouse near you."

"It's your perfume. It's faint and very nice, but I always know it's you." He turned to glance at her. "And you weren't just standing around, you were eavesdropping."

She shrugged, unperturbed. "It's my house."

Reese grinned. "That it is."

He heard her take a quick sniff. "Son, are you making gumbo?"

"I am; you have a good nose. I found the recipe in your book. Looks old."

"The one with all the stains on it? Written in pencil?"

He'd known there was a story in that stained piece of paper. He nodded and continued to stir the roux, waiting for her to continue.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her hand fly to her chest and she stepped closer to him, gripping his arm gently with her other.

"That was my grandmother's recipe, John. She learned it from a Cajun boy she fell in love with. I've never been able to read all of it since it's in French, but I didn't have the heart to get rid of it."

Reese leaned over and kissed her cheek, giving her a wink. "I copied it down in English for you and left it in your cookbook." He shrugged at her surprised look. "I know some French. And I've met a few Cajuns in my travels, picked up some culinary tricks."

She fought the tears that threatened. "If I weren't almost thirty years older than you, I'd keep you for myself. You're a good boy."

Reese gave her a blatant once-over, grinning. "Who says we can't run away together?"

Evelyn laughed, smacked him on the arm, and tried not to blush. "If you weren't already spoken for...I might take you up on that."

"Evelyn..." Reese growled gently in warning. This was not a subject open for discussion, but he had a feeling that wasn't going to matter.

She was unfazed. "Don't you 'Evelyn' me. I know what I see. And what I see is you in love with my daughter. And her with you." John started to argue, but she held up her hand, effectively cutting him off. "I don't know why you're both fighting it, but you are."

Reese let his head fall back and blew out a long sigh. "It's complicated." He sucked in a quick breath at what he'd just unwittingly admitted to her.

She let out a less than ladylike snort. "It always is. But you and I both know it doesn't have to be." She sat down at the table and watched him at the stove.

Reese was quiet, stirring the mixture and thinking. After a few minutes, he looked over at her. "Where is she?"

Something in his tone made Evelyn smile. "She laid down for a nap. I checked in on her before I came in."

He nodded. "I don't want to hurt her."

"We always hurt the ones we love. Always. It's the forgiving and letting ourselves be forgiven that's hard."

Reese turned to her in surprise at her insight and her serious tone.

"But Joss...I should have..."

"Should have what? Gotten killed to make up for the past? How exactly would that work?"

Reese winced at her tone.

"You got shot the same night my daughter did, young man. Something you still haven't talked to her about. She's going to be none too happy with you when you finally do tell her how serious it was. You and I both know you would have taken that bullet for her if you could have. You would have protected her with your life if it came down to it."

"But I didn't protect her. I almost lost her."

Evelyn stood and took his face in her hands. "I only know that the responsibility for what happened lies with the man who shot her. John, my Jocelyn is a grown woman and a well-trained police officer. As much as I hate that she chases criminals and carries a gun all day like she does, I know she's careful. No one can protect her twenty-four seven...not even you. I learned to live with that a long time ago. You need to, too."

Reese nodded with a resigned sigh, taking her hands in his. He knew she was right, but it didn't make the knowledge, or the fear, any easier to take. "She's already asked me why I'm here. She thinks I'm here out of guilt."

Evelyn's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Are you? If that's true, then you need to go."

"You know it's not."

"Then what is it?"

Reese gave the kitchen doorway a nervous glance and then looked back at her. They stared at each other until Evelyn couldn't take it any more. "Just say it! Lord have mercy...you are a stubborn one. I promise it won't kill you to admit something you already know in your heart."

"I love her." The words came out in a raspy whisper, but it felt like he'd shouted them. His heart pounded and his palms started to sweat. He shook his head, but the hint of a smile showed up on his face. "I'm in love with her."

Evelyn clapped her hands and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "See? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Reese didn't respond, just closed his eyes against the rush of emotion. He couldn't even hug her back. He knew a part of him should be relieved at the admission, but another part of him knew what was coming next.

"You need to tell her."

And there it was.

He only shook his head and turned back to the roux that was quickly becoming useless.

"I can't, Evelyn. I can't do that to her."

She clicked her teeth at him. "Do what? Love her? Protect her? Boy, you have to tell her. Tell her in your own way, but tell her. She's waiting for you, you know. She doesn't take chances with her heart like she used to."

"What makes you think I do?"

"Neither of you do, but I know my daughter, she won't be the first to put herself out there. She'll let things go on like they are no matter how much she wants to change them. She's a force to be reckoned with in her professional life, but her personal one? She's a kid waiting for you to pull her pigtails."

Reese would have laughed at the image, but he was too frustrated. He dropped the spoon and leaned heavily on the counter, his head bowed and shaking slowly. "Why are you so determined for this to happen? Why can't you just leave it alone?"

"Leave what alone?"

They both jumped, turning at the sound of Joss's voice.

Evelyn was the first to compose herself. "Hey, baby girl, did you sleep well?"

Joss looked from her mother to John and back again. She could feel the tension radiating from both of them. "What's going on?"

Evelyn took her hand and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Oh, John and I were just talking about...politics. You know how heated those conversations can get"

He hadn't said a word. Joss pulled away from her mother, giving her a sideways look, and went to him, staring up at his hooded eyes. "John?" As soon as she looked at him, she knew something big was up. "Politics? Really?"

He couldn't deal with this right now. "I need to go. I'll try to be back later."

He turned, switched off the eye of the stove a little too hard, and tried to move past her, but stopped when she pressed a hand against his chest. "John..."

He kept his eyes trained over her shoulder until he felt her fingers on his chin. Without saying a word, John took her face in his hands and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"We'll talk later", he whispered to her. "I promise." He finally looked at her; she could see the touch of regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Joss stood watching him, her hand over her heart, until she heard the front door click shut. She tried to gather herself and wouldn't face her mother until she had. Something had happened and neither of them were going to talk about it. And it involved her. And she was pissed.

"Jocelyn..."

She bit down on her tongue. "Don't, Mom. I don't know for sure what just happened, but I have a pretty good idea. And you need to stay out of it. I love you, but god, please stay out of it."

"But why did you let him go?"

At that, Joss spun on her heel to face her mother, her anger bubbling to the surface. "Because he's a grown man who has done nothing but be there for me, and for you, since I got shot. He's not even working and that's got to be killing him, but he's here, for us. I think I know him pretty well, Mom, and right now, in the mood he's in, the last thing he wants to do is talk. He's not a talker. He's a doer. You pushing him and insisting he express himself before he's ready might have actually done more harm than good."

She ran her fingers through her hair and took her mother's hand, her anger blowing over as quickly as it came. "I know you mean well, I do...but please...let this go. You really have no idea the things we've been through just to get to where we are right now."

Evelyn covered Joss's hand with hers. "I just want you to be happy, baby. I think...no, I know...he makes you happy."

Joss blushed and gave a quick nod. "I'm just not sure he realizes that."

Her mother tapped her daughter's chin and smiled. "Oh, honey, I think you're going to be surprised by exactly what he's realized."

Reese watched the small gathering of seagulls at his feet. They, in turn, watched him, hoping he'd toss them a piece of the popcorn he'd gotten from a vendor and was calling his dinner. He held up the bag. "This was supposed to be gumbo." They just stared at him in anticipation.

Leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs, he stared out at the water and the setting sun and let out a long sigh. He had no idea how he was going to face either of them after the way he'd reacted. He knew he'd have to, but Joss was going to want to know what had happened and he'd never lied to her before. He wasn't going to start now. Maybe it was time to tell her. Maybe her mother had already told her and he wouldn't have to. The scared little boy part of him hoped so. It was ridiculous, really. He shouldn't be scared to tell her. He knew, either way, he wouldn't lose her friendship. She wasn't that type of woman. But would he be able to handle it if she didn't feel the same? That was the big question.

"So, what do I do?" He tossed the rest of his popcorn to the gulls who didn't have an answer either.

She spotted him almost immediately in the small park. Even sitting down, he cut a larger than life figure. But that figure was hunched over, feeding the seagulls, and looking seriously dejected. As much as she wanted to go to him, she let herself watch him for a few minutes. Let herself gather what reserves she had for what she knew was coming.

A couple of women walked by and turned to smile at him as they passed, doing their best to flirt with the handsome, but pensive, man sitting alone in the park. Joss couldn't help but smile. Sometimes she wondered if he'd perfected that less-than-responsive technique with the CIA or he really didn't have a clue as to how good looking he really was. She leaned towards the latter, but even that didn't make sense to her. He owned a mirror, didn't he?

She walked quietly up to him and ran her hand across his shoulder blades, making him jump and reach for his gun.

"Relax, it's just me."

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?" He shook his head with a wry grin. "Nevermind." He slid over on the bench and offered her a seat.

She sat at the end of the bench, not wanting to crowd him. "Maybe you should ask how I snuck up on you first? I don't like how distracted you are. That's not like you at all, John. And neither is running from a fight. What happened back there?"

He steepled his fingers under his chin and turned to look at her. "She's kind of a force of nature, isn't she?"

She let out a low whistle. "Mom? Yeah. It's been hard to live up to."

Reese gave her a skeptical look. "I can imagine. But you're a force of nature in your own way. Sometimes I can't keep up. Now I know where you get your fierceness from. And that heart of yours. Did your father ever win an argument?"

She looked at him in surprise from the compliment, but let out a laugh, "Oh he did, occasionally. Mostly he just let her have her way because he loved her and he knew she was usually right. When she wasn't? I'd head to grandma's down the street. They loved deep, but they fought hard, too. In the end, though, the love always won."

Reese nodded and looked out over the water. It was a cold night, but clear and the wind from earlier had died down.

"John?"

He could feel things change with that one softly spoken word. "Yeah?"

"Was that argument about me? Did I do something?"

His eyes grew soft as he looked at her. "You didn't do anything but be you, Joss."

She rubbed her hands together and stuck them under her thighs. "I'm not sure I understand."

"Yeah, I think you do." He took her hand in his gloved one and brought it to his mouth, blowing into her fingers to warm them. "You should have worn some gloves."

"Yeah, well, I was running out after you; I forgot them."

He smirked at her, pulling off his coat. "Forget your winter coat, too?" Wrapping it around her, he pulled her against him, his arm over her shoulder. She didn't resist, just tucked her head against his shoulder, reaching up and giving his hand a squeeze.

She gently punched his side."Stop deflecting; it drives me crazy when you do that."

He smiled because he couldn't stop himself. "That's what I live for."

She chuckled. "Oh, I know. Now, tell me what happened."

Reese didn't like the nervous fluttering in his stomach. He couldn't control it and he didn't know how to put it in it's proper place like the other emotions he'd learned to deal with over the years. The lack of control made him twitchy.

She bumped his shoulder when he didn't say anything.

He pulled his arm back and leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs. "Your mother...is meddling in things. Things she can't possibly understand. Between us."

"Sounds like my mother; she does love to stick her nose where it doesn't belong."

Reese glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and crumpled the paper popcorn wrapper in his fist. "Maybe it does belong there."

She pulled back and looked at him in question.

He became suddenly fascinated by his hands and he gave a slight shrug. "Maybe it's the only way we'll talk about things, if someone gives us a nudge."

"But my mother, John?"

He laughed. "Who else? Shaw? I don't think so. I don't want to share this with her."

"This?" Her soft voice drew his attention to her face, to her eyes.

He gave her a nod and took her hand again, entwining their fingers and rubbing his thumb unconsciously over her palm. "Yeah, this. She's...trying to push us together. She seems to think we'd be good for each other. I don't like being pushed."

Joss snorted. "Really? I never would have guessed that."

He tightened his grip on her hand. "Now who's deflecting? I think maybe, in this case, I can forgive the intrusion."

"OK, if that's the case, then why did you leave? Does the idea of us bother you - ?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Joss." Reese looked down at her, his brow furrowed. He shifted uncomfortably. "Let's get out of here; I'm freezing."

"You shouldn't have given up your coat," she joked as she stood.

Reese took the lapels and pulled her closer to him. "I can be a gentleman when I need to be." Before she could say anything to that, he leaned in and brushed his cheek against hers, whispering in her ear, "And I'm also very good at knowing when not to be."

She gave a startled laugh at his boldness but couldn't make herself look at him. She summoned up what little bravado she felt at the moment and nodded, trying not to smile. "Oh, ok, I see how you're going to play this."

"You seem to bring it out of me." He took her hand and gave it a gentle tug. "Come on. We need to get somewhere warm."

When they reached the street, Reese lifted his hand to hail a cab.

"Um, Mom's isn't far from here; we can just walk."

"I love your mother, but the last place we're having this conversation is at her house. Do you remember why I was out here in the first place?"

"Yeah, sorry. So where are we going?"

"Downtown."

"Downtown." She cocked her head at him. "That's specific."

Reese ducked his head and jammed his hands in his pants pockets. "Just trust me?"

She gave a quick nod and blew into her hands. "Okay."

And with that one word, she cemented her place in his life; no one else had ever trusted him without reservations.

The ride downtown was quiet. Reese noticed with humor that she kept staring out the window, reading street signs and checking her surroundings. That was his cop. He took her hand, startling her from her surveillance, and gave her a quick wink. "Joss, I promise you, I'm not taking you somewhere seedy. You can let the detective have the night off."

She looked down at their hands and blushed with a smile. "I know. I do. It just feels..." she trailed off, not sure she could put into words what she was feeling.

"Yeah. I know. New territory for us?" He pulled her hand into his lap. "Just relax and enjoy the drive."

She didn't know what to say to that, so she leaned her head against the back of the seat and watched the city fly by, her hand held by the same man who had no idea he also held her heart.

When they pulled up, Joss was surprised by the look of the place. "I thought you said we weren't going someplace seedy."

Reese opened the cab door, shaking his head, trying not to snicker. "Don't judge a book, Joss."

He held out his hand and helped her out. She looked around the area. It wasn't as bad as she first thought. Lots of restaurants and storefronts, but the building they pulled up to looked almost abandoned.

Reese pulled out some keys and jingled them. "C'mon, have some faith."

She extended her hands and smiled. "Lead the way."

Joss couldn't help the startled gasp that escaped her as she looked around the open space as Reese ushered her into the loft.

"John..." It's like stepping into a whole different world, she thought. She never would have guessed this place existed inside the less-than-luxurious exterior.

He watched as she slowly wandered, running her hand over the dark wood of the table, the leather of his couch, her wide eyes seemingly taking in every detail of the incredible architecture.

Finally, she turned to look at him, still walking and taking things in, but her brows furrowed in thought. "This place is incredible and I'm a little jealous, but...it doesn't feel like you."

That wasn't what he expected her to say. "No?"

She shook her head. "It's...kind of cold...like a hotel room. A very expensive hotel, but still, a hotel. Like you just come in, throw your stuff on the table, and sleep. But it doesn't feel like you live here, you know? You're not cold at all; you're not this loft, John."

She'd done it again, stunned him into silence, but she'd also made that long-ago-closed-off part of his heart feel warm. Warmth that he knew he'd only ever feel with her. And he needed to feel it more and more.

He looked around the loft, at the stark white walls, the lack of clutter or anything remotely...personal...and realized she was right. "I guess I should put my mark on it, huh? Just so you know, my first place in the city was a dump."

She let out a little hum as she headed towards the floor to ceiling windows. "I believe that. The man I first met didn't seem to care about much of anything, including himself. I'm glad that's changed."

Reese stole up behind her as she stared out the window and rested his hands on her shoulders. "I might have had some help with that." He could see her gentle smile in the reflection of the window and he knew she understood his meaning. "Let me take this coat, Joss."

He slid the coat down her arms and draped it over his own. The curve of her neck drew him and he ghosted the backs of his fingers down the length of it, watching in fascination as her eyes closed and her head leaned to give him better access. He leaned in and brushed his lips against the shell of her ear. "Can I get you a drink?"

She nodded, her eyes still closed. "Please."

"Make yourself comfortable."

Watching from the kitchen, Reese couldn't help the grin as her hand came up and brushed over the spot he'd just touched. Lingered. And then she smiled.

With that small thing, he knew they were thinking along the same lines about what was happening between them. They just were so out of practice, especially when it mattered. And this, their relationship, mattered to him. He just needed to make sure she understood that. And he needed to make himself clear about how he felt.

He caught her a little off guard as he came up behind her and reached around to hand her the glass. She accepted it with a slight tremble that she hoped he didn't notice. "Thank you."

He leaned in closer, the warmth of his breath tickling the hair at her nape. "My pleasure."

Reese put his hand on her hip as he stood behind her, alternating between watching her in the reflection and watching the world below them. He drew on every reserve he had to keep from sliding his hand around to her stomach and pulling her against him.

Surprising him, and obviously reading his mind, she leaned back into him and covered his hand with hers, pulling it around her.

She cleared her throat. "So, this doesn't feel the least bit strange to you? What's going on here?"

He flexed his fingers and brushed his thumb slowly back and forth over her stomach. "This? Well...it just..." He paused and let his brain catch up to his mouth. "For anyone else, maybe, but it feels right...maybe a little new for us considering our history...but right. And while I don't know if I like how out of control this makes me feel; I do know I like how you make me feel."

She turned and leaned back against the window. She looked up at him, at the face she so often saw in her dreams, her eyes dipping to his lips. "How do I make you feel?"

Reese felt the loss of her warmth and stepped forward, eating up what little space there was between them. He knew she wasn't fishing for compliments, but that she needed to know. And he needed to say it. And it needed to be right.

"How do you make me feel?" he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She nodded, holding her breath, a blush coloring her cheeks.

Sending up a quick silent prayer that the words he needed would come for once, he took her face in his hands.

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, his voice so low he could barely hear it himself. "Sometimes you make me feel so weak with my need for you, but at the same time, just being near you makes me stronger than I am on my own."

Another to her temple, brushing her cheek with his. "I look at you and I know, no matter what's happened, that there is good in the world."

And again to tip of her nose. "You make me happy to get up in the morning."

"John..." He could feel her trembling and pulled back to look at her. She clutched at his shirt, her eyes closed. Her breathing was shallow and fast and matched his.

He lifted her chin. "Look at me. Please."

She did as he asked, her eyes full of tears, but her lips teasing a smile.

"You take my breath, Joss, every day."

She let out a sob and launched herself into his arms, wrapping her own around his waist.

Reese held on tightly, his heart pounding in his chest. He'd never been this open, this vulnerable, and it scared the hell out of him. But he knew, felt it in his heart, that he would never regret it with her.

When she didn't come up for air right away, Reese pulled back to look at her, but she kept her face buried in his chest, her shoulders shaking.

He drew his hands up and down her back. "Hey, hey...it's OK, Joss...you don't have to...I just needed..."

"I love you, too."

He froze. And was pretty sure he'd stopped breathing. He gulped a breath and let it out slowly. "Mind repeating that? I could have sworn..."

He felt her chuckle and sniff against him.

"I love you." She burrowed closer, deeper into his embrace. "God...feels good to get that out."

Reese leaned his cheek against the top of her head and let out a long breath, a grin he couldn't contain teasing his lips. "Then why are you crying?"

She chuckled softly and leaned her head back to look up at him. "Ever bottle things up so much, that when they finally come out, you can't control the reaction? That's me right now."

He pressed another kiss to her forehead. "Well yeah, but it usually ends in gunfire for me."

She couldn't help it, she burst out laughing. "I know you're not lying about that. And you'd think I'd be scared, but I've never been afraid around you."

That sobered Reese a little bit. He'd been trying to avoid them the last six weeks, but those thoughts, those fears, were never far from the surface. "Joss..."

"Uh oh." She stepped back and took his hand, pulling him over to the couch. "Sit. I have a feeling you're about to drop some seriousness on me, right?"

Reese flopped down onto the couch while Joss moved to pick up their wine glasses. When she came back, she set his glass on the table next to him. Not bothering with pretenses, she crawled onto his lap facing him, her knees pressed into the couch. She sat back on his thighs. "So...tell me what's on your mind."

"You really expect me to have a serious conversation with you...like this?" He took hold of her hips to keep her backside still. Her quick smirk told him she was doing it on purpose. There would be payback. Oh yes, there would be.

Joss took a sip of her wine and arched an eyebrow at him. "Yes, I do, actually. You got that look you get when you are going to blame yourself for something or make some excuse why something shouldn't happen." She trailed her finger between his furrowed brows and down his nose. "Talk to me."

Reese leaned his head on the back of the couch. He knew deep down he was being ridiculous, that she was a strong, capable, woman. He just couldn't help his overwhelming need to see her safe at all times. And he knew she was going to argue with him. A lot.

"I just don't like how exposed you're going to be if we do this. My job...my past...they're big bull's-eyes, Joss."

"Mmm hmm. I know. You don't think I've known that for a long time? You don't think I've taken all that into account? I think you know me better than that. My safety...and my heart...are two things I take very seriously."

Reese gripped her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles and pressing it against his cheek. "So do I. Are you going to be able to live with me worrying about you and wanting to protect you all the time? Because I can't change that."

Again with the smirk. She pulled his hand to her mouth and kissed his knuckles. "Are you going to be able to live with the same treatment? Because it goes both ways, John."

"But..."

She waved her index finger at him. "Nope. There's no negotiation on this subject. You don't get to worry about me and expect me not to worry about you when you're out there."

He clicked his teeth at her in frustration. "Joss..."

She leaned down close to him. "No. Discussion closed. There is one thing we can talk about, though. Like the fact that we've pretty much bared our souls, but you haven't kissed me. What's up with that?"

Reese pulled her forward and shifted his hips, making her gasp, and making him smile. "You haven't kissed me either."

She threw her head back and let out a laugh. "So, this is how it's going to be between us?"

"No, this is how it's going to be." He gripped the back of her neck, pulling her down to him, and began a slow, thorough exploration of her mouth. He nipped her bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth and soothing it with his tongue. The hand on her neck slid down between her shoulders, down her spine, to rest at the small of her back. His other gripped and released her hip, itching to do more, much more, while she was in his lap.

Joss wasn't idle; she brushed her nose against his when they came up for air and swooped back down to continue what he'd started. Her tongue traced his lips and teased him, tortured him, with the small taste of what making love to her would be like.

Her hands, first on his waist, roamed upwards over his chest, brushing through his hair and resting over his shoulders. The delicious pressure of her breasts against his chest pulled a moan out of him against her mouth. He felt her smile and the change in her breathing made him pull her in tighter.

He wanted more, wanted all of her, but tonight wasn't the night.

Reese slowed the kiss and took her face in his hands. She let out a mewl of protest when he pulled back from her. The sound went straight to his groin and he pressed his forehead against hers, taking a deep breath, and collecting the wits she'd stolen from him with a single kiss.

"Well..." He kept his eyes closed as he leaned his head back against the couch.

"Well?"

He didn't miss the breathlessness of her voice or the slight waver. Reese opened his eyes and stared into hers, a slow smile forming on his mouth. "That...was definitely worth the wait."

Joss let out the breath and curled up against his chest, her hand fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. "Yep, it definitely was."

Reese wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple, the palm of his hand rubbing circles over her back. "Looking forward to the encore."

She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his chin. "Mmm hmm. Me too. Soon."

For the first time, Reese let himself truly believe in a future. "We're going to do this."

Her smile mirrored his. "We are."

He nodded and kicked his feet up on the table, letting her stretch out over him. They stayed that way for a long while, just enjoying the quiet and the company, hands roaming but not enticing. Much.

Until Joss felt Reese start to shake. She looked up at him, worried, only to see him biting his lip, trying not to laugh.

"What?"

He tilted her chin up with his thumb, a mix of humor and terror in his eyes. "Who's going to tell your mother?"

END