AUTHORS NOTE: This story came to me after I wrote 'Wilful Negligence' as after I had addressed Carrick & Grace's failings as parents I then turned my attention to John Flynn as something always struck me about him that he didn't do enough to meaningfully help Christian, preferring instead to keep him as a regular income for himself instead.

It was originally going to be a one shot like Wilful Negligence but the line this story took quickly evolved and became more and it wrote itself especially after talking with a fellow Brit who contacted me via PM after she had read Wilful Negligence to say she didn't write reviews but wanted to say how much she enjoyed that particular story and how much she agreed with what I had written. We chatted about it and she went on to voice her opinions of what she thought was 'wrong' with Christian and I shared with her my views on what issues I believed he was dealing with and it transpired that we shared the same opinion. I realised that if John was negligent in his diagnosis of Christian – as he never really offered any diagnosis or explanation for how Christian was, I had to offer an alternative and what I have always suspected isn't one of the more 'acceptable' mental health disorders. So that is when the story also evolved a bit more to encompass how much stigma surrounds mental illness in general – and in particular how much prejudice surrounds certain mental health diagnoses and how people quickly jump to conclusions and judgement's from what they have heard about this particular disorder from negative portrayals of it in films and the media and I wanted to show examples of that prejudice and I hope I have done that successfully.

I would also just like to say before I get a rush of incensed messages & reviews surrounding the diagnosis I have given Christian that… I do actually know what I am talking about when it comes to this particular disorder.

THE EXPENSIVE CHARLATAN

CHAPTER 1

'In the limited time you have known him; you have made more progress with my patient than I have in the past two years…'

I sit at the dressing table in our bedroom and once again I am going over the conversation I had with John Flynn. You'd think I'd give it up already as that conversation happened months ago, after Christian and I reconciled and he told me everything about himself.

However, ever since I met with that man, at every possible opportunity Dr Flynn's words are circling around in my head and something is bugging me about them and him. I can't seem to shake it and since Christian and I married it is still there in the back of my mind niggling at me. Something just doesn't feel right. It is driving me insane which I find ironic considering the man is a psychiatrist but I find myself reliving that session I had with him and constantly going over what was said. I examine other parts of what he said to me, about how he admitted that they don't talk about Christian's past and how he is more concerned about his future and this SFBT therapy he seems to be pushing and it all just feels wrong somehow, but I have no idea why.

The reason I have no idea why is because I am no expert in this but as far as I can see and all my instincts tell me that Christian needs to face up to his past and come to terms with it, not bury it and pretend it didn't happen as all his extensive issues can be traced back to that time in his life. Admittedly I believe Elena's influence over him made him even more fucked up but I also believe he wouldn't have been so vulnerable to her influence had he not had issues to begin with. I have no problem with the idea of him achieving goals to put him where he wants to be now, but the way I see it is he will never fully achieve those goals if he doesn't address and come to terms with everything that happened in his past as he will always have those triggers ready to try undermine what he manages to achieve.

Ever since I confronted Carrick and Grace, before we got married and I basically accused them of not doing enough for Christian as he was growing up it has led me on to looking at all the other influences in his life. I look down at my wedding ring which is sitting on my finger next to the engagement ring Christian gave me that evening in the boathouse. I agreed to marry this man and as such I believe it is my place to want what is best for my husband and I am determined to try and get him proper help to heal him as much as I possibly can.

I know I can't leave this any longer as I feel I have wasted enough time already, we have been married just over a month now and it's been like a rollercoaster ride, and then it finally hits me, that is why this won't leave me alone. Like my issues with what Carrick and Grace did (or didn't) do for Christian I am having the same concerns about John Flynn and the more I see of Christian's behaviour the more I question just how much John actually helps him.

After I returned to Christian after the belt incident, he opened up and told me everything and it was at that point I realised just how woefully let down he had been all his life. I had then made an appointment with John Flynn as at that point I was reeling from the revelations and I needed someone to help me make sense of them. But the more we talked that day the more questions filled my mind and it was that meeting which along with what Christian had told me that brought together all my suspicions and theories which culminated in my confrontation with Carrick and Grace. Elena is no longer an influence in his life after it all came out that night about her so now the only other questions I have left are about John Flynn and Christian himself.

I know I need to talk to someone, I need to find out if I am totally wrong about this or if my instincts about John Flynn are correct and he is basically just fleecing Christian and not really helping him at all.

He has undoubtedly helped Grace and Carrick since I confronted them but I think he had no choice but to do any other, with Grace being in the medical profession she would spot a charlatan a mile way and so he has helped them come to terms with the guilt they are now feeling as to their role in Christian's childhood which I had so bluntly pointed out. As a result of the joint sessions they had with Christian, he is now much closer to his parents and it is wonderful to see him let them in rather than keep them at arm's length and always push them away, and on our wedding day it brought tears to my eyes to see him hugging Carrick properly albeit slightly awkwardly. However, despite the excellent work he has done with Grace and Carrick I truly believe John Flynn could've done more for Christian in all the years he has been seeing him.

I understand more than anyone that Christian is wilful and stubborn and he doesn't like to be told what to do, everything is so black and white to him and if he feels he is being threatened he just digs his heels in and kicks against it and in some ways is his own worst enemy but if John is unable to get him to look his life objectively and get the progress then he clearly isn't a good fit and shouldn't be continuing to take his money and he shouldn't be treating him.

As I am thinking about all this my attention is drawn to movement in the room and I see Christian walk into the bedroom behind me through his reflection in the mirror and I look at him through it and he grins at me.

"You look deep in thought baby" he says as he comes up behind me and gently kisses my neck.

"I am" I say quietly, but I am also not ready to divulge to him what those thoughts are. I am still fiddling with my wedding ring and Christian notices this.

He frowns and pulls over a stool and sits beside me, taking my hand in his. I look at him and I see the fear in his eyes.

"What's wrong baby, you're not thinking of leaving me are you?" he asks, he is trying to sound flippant and as if he joking but I know that comment is hiding a very real fear and a lot of anxiety.

I smile reassuringly at him, "Not happening" I say firmly and I watch him almost sag with relief at my words.

"Good" he says simply.

I hand him my hairbrush, he loves to brush my hair and I know this will make any lingering anxiety dissipate. He takes it and standing up he runs it gently through my hair.

"You missed your calling as a hairdresser" I say sardonically.

I hear him snort, "I don't think Franco has much to worry about" he says dryly.

"How long has John been your therapist?" I ask casually and I feel the brush pause for a moment.

"Erm… I'm totally sure, about six/seven years I think or maybe a bit longer. It was shortly after Elena and I ended when I started seeing him" he says.

"And you and Elena ended… when?" I ask.

He pauses again, "I was 21 when her husband found out about us and our physical relationship ended" he says, he waits for a moment "What is this about Ana?" he asks slightly defensively.

I shrug, "Nothing, I've just been thinking back over our rollercoaster of a relationship and I got to the part after I came back to you and you opened up and told me everything and I went to see John. I was just thinking about something John said that time when we talked and I just thought I'd ask the question" I say. I know I'm rambling, I'm trying to reassure him that I'm not leaving him and as a result I am probably making things worse.

I feel his hand stop again and he almost freezes with fear.

"What? What did he say?" he asks and I inwardly cringe as I hear the unconcealed panic in his voice.

I quickly arrange the words in my mind so I don't give away what I am thinking about, "Nothing bad, he just made a comment. He just said that I had made more progress with you in the short time I have been with you than he has made in the last two years, and I wondered how long you had been seeing him in total… that's all" I say.

I feel the brush start to move again and he is seemingly happy with my answer.

"Oh I see" he says simply.

A plan starts to form in my head, but I realise that first I need to educate myself on mental health before I start asking questions and potentially making myself look an idiot.

Now the light bulb has gone on in my head and I realise why I am obsessing about John and his role in Christian's therapy I also realise that I think there is much more going on with Christian than he is prepared to acknowledge. I realise now that my first thoughts of multiple personality's were wrong but I know in my gut something isn't right and I want Christian to get the proper help he needs and the more I think about it the more I really believe that Dr Flynn is not giving him that.

"There baby all done" Christian says which pulls me from my thoughts and he kisses me again before burying his nose in my hair and inhaling.

That is something which I have noticed seems to calm him as though the apple smelling shampoo triggers something positive in his mind.

"Why do you do that?" I ask before I can stop myself and I feel him freeze.

"Do what?" he asks.

"Smell my hair" I say.

He smiles and runs his fingers through my hair, "The smell of the apples it reminds of happy times in my grandfathers orchard when I was a boy" he says fondly and I look up and see he has a faraway look on his face as though he is remembering.

I turn to face him and urge him to sit down next to me, "Tell me about it" I say.

He sits down and I take his hand, "When Grace and Carrick adopted me and we moved to Seattle I was introduced to my grandfather – Theodore Trevelyan. You have to understand I wasn't talking and at first I was scared, suddenly there was this strange man who as far I was concerned could potentially hurt me. But I slowly came to realise that he was safe and that he wouldn't hurt me. As my confidence grew that he wouldn't hurt me he started getting more and more involved and then on one visit he took Elliot and I to the orchard to pick the apples and showed us how to select the ones to pick and to put them in the basket. It was nice, I enjoyed doing it… I remember it was the first time that I had been there and didn't feel scared, no… not scared, apprehensive about being there. After that he also showed me how to graft one type of apple tree to another. I love my grandfather and my time there and it is one of my happy childhood memories, visiting Gramps and going to his orchard and picking the apples. It was one of the first times in my life I felt I was somewhere safe and… happy. Your shampoo, the apple smell it brings back those good memories and as a result it has a calming effect on me… when I start to panic".

My heart nearly breaks that I had made him panic and I could kick myself for doing so. I listen to him talking with such obvious affection and I reach for him and pull him close and reassure him once more that I'm not going anywhere and in that moment I silently vow that I am going to do everything I can to try and help heal this man and help him come to terms with past and vanquish his demons and not try and bury them.

"I love you" I whisper and I feel him tighten his hold on me.

"I love you too" he replies.

oooOOOooo

The next day I am still going through everything and working things out in my mind and I make a decision. I have been doing some research on the internet and my initial findings have pointed to anxiety and lingering PTSD from his early childhood and that gives me a starting point and this particular starting point also makes me know exactly who I am going seek advice from.

When I am on my lunch break I pull my purse from my drawer and leave the office, I tell Claire that I am going for lunch and that I may be gone slightly longer than an hour as I am meeting someone. I watch Luke immediately take notice of that as he stands up and smiles at me.

"I'm going to visit an old friend of my dad's" I say before he can ask me who I am meeting and Luke nods and pulls out his phone but I place my hand on his to stop him.

"Please don't tell Taylor, because he will tell Christian and then he will get all over protective when he looks into this man. But I assure you he won't hurt me, he was in the military with my dad and he has known me all my life".

Luke hesitates and frowns, "Why will Mr Grey get all over protective?" he asks.

I sigh, "Because this man has a history of mental health issues from his time in the military, he saw some dreadful things and he had to deal with PTSD but he is doing really well now though and I just wanted to see him and talk to him. As I said he is an old friend of my dad's and he is like an uncle to me" I say.

"What is this man's name?" Luke asks.

"Reuben" I say with an affectionate smile, but I am careful not to divulge his surname in case Luke decides to go ahead and call Taylor.

Luke thinks for a moment and then nods, "Alright, I'll trust your judgement on this. However, if I believe that you are in any danger I will pull you out and I expect you to cooperate, as it is my job to keep you safe" he says firmly.

I nod, "I understand and you have my word" I say.

I go to the little gym which Reuben runs along with a couple of other ex servicemen and as soon as I open the door he looks up and a wide grin fills his face and he walks towards me. I take a moment to really look at him. He looks well, really well. His brown hair is well cut and shiny and his brown eyes no longer have that haunted look in them, his face has filled out and no longer looks gaunt and ill.

"Well, well, well… look who the wind brought in!" he says as he pulls me into his arms and lifts me off my feet, making me giggle.

"Hi Reuben how are you?" I ask and he grins at me.

"I'm doing well" he says simply and I know that encompasses much more than just his physical state at this moment.

I pat his arm as he looks past me at Luke and frowns.

"Reuben, this is Luke Sawyer he… protects me" I say with a shrug.

Reuben looks at me closely, "Ray told me you had taken up with a rich guy… does he treat you right?" he asks simply but I don't miss the underlying menace in his tone.

I nod, "He does, he treats me like a queen and I love him, which is the reason why I am here. Is there somewhere we can talk?" I ask.

Reuben frowns and nods and then turns and points towards a small office, "we can go in there" he says.

We go to the small office and after a few rather heated words with Luke he sits down outside while I go in and shut the door.

I sit down on a battered old sofa and Reuben sits beside me, "What's all this about Annie?" he asks.

I smile; he is the only person aside from Ray who calls me Annie. I look down at my fingers wondering where to start.

"You know… how when you left the military you had… issues" I begin and I watch as Reuben stiffens slightly.

"Yes" he says.

"Who did you see to help you? Who helped you come to terms with it and deal with it? I ask because you have really turned things around and so I assume it was someone really good" I ask.

Reuben looks closely at me and hesitates a moment before fetching a small card and handing it to me. I read it and see the name Alexandra Murphy and a phone number.

"That woman saved my life, she was kind but firm. She didn't put up with my bullshit and she challenged me, it was fucking hard at times but she got me to face up to shit and as a result she got me to a good place which I honestly never thought I'd see again. You know how I was after I was discharged, I never ever want to be that man again" he says adamantly.

That sounds like everything I need to hear but I need to be totally sure if I am going to broach the idea of her seeing Christian. I will not have anyone who doesn't have his best interests at heart. "She is good… reputable and will definitely help?" I ask and Reuben nods.

"What's this about Annie?" he asks.

I sigh and quickly but vaguely outline Christian's issues stemming from his childhood abuse. Reuben frowns.

"Nobody ever helped him overcome his phobia?" he asks and I shake my head.

"And he still has nightmares about that time?" he asks and I nod.

"When I leave him he has nightmares. He says he feels safe with me and as a result the nightmares don't happen but even if I just get up in the night and somehow he subconsciously realises I am not there beside him they can happen. He went away on business a week or so ago and I stayed here in Seattle and I got a call in the middle of the night from him because he had a nightmare and he needed to reassure himself that I was safe".

"I don't understand, I thought they were nightmares about his childhood?" Reuben asks.

"They are sometimes… he sometimes dreams of the abuse that man put him through, but when I'm not there they appear to have evolved into something different, you see he told me that he dreams of the time he was left with his dead mother, she was dead on the floor from an overdose but in these dreams it is me he sees lying dead on the floor and it got him in a state that I was not safe and that I was gone" I say.

"Sounds like PTSD and anxiety stemming from his abuse and losing his mom when he was a kid, but it also sound like abandonment issues which could point to something much darker and complex, doesn't he see anyone to help him?" he asks.

I nod, "that's the thing, he does and that's why I'm here because I really don't think his current therapist is doing enough for him and from what he told me he had a revolving door of therapists as a kid and he said once that he had been subjected all the different therapies that were going" I say as Christian's bitter words fill my mind… 'Baby I've been subjected to them all. Cognitism, Freud, Functionalism, Gestalt, Behaviourism… You name it, over the years I've done it'.

"So…?" Reuben asks in confusion.

I sigh, "As I say, I don't think his therapist helps him… In fact I would go as far as calling him an expensive charlatan. I think he is just stringing Christian along, Christian is very wealthy and I believe he is to put it bluntly, fleecing him. He is taking his money and not really doing anything meaningful to help him" I say and I feel much better for saying it out loud.

"Have you talked to him about this?" he asks and I shake my head and look down at my fingers.

"What is it Annie, there is something you are not telling me?" he asks.

I bite my lip "Look, I have already called his parents out on what I saw as their negligence I don't want to drop this on him so soon afterwards, we have only been married just over a month plus I could be wrong. I want to make sure of my facts before I do say anything. I love him so much and I really want to help him and I know he has issues but I believe most of those issues stem from what he went through before he was adopted, and I just don't think his therapist is doing enough" I say.

"You didn't answer my question" Reuben states.

I rub my hand over my face, "Look if I tell you it has to stay between you and me" I say and Reuben looks at me incredulously.

"Annie how long have you known me? I am feeling insulted that you actually said that" he says.

I reach out and touch his hand, "I'm sorry, I'm getting as paranoid as Christian, but I'm just trying to protect him" I say.

Reuben's eyebrows rise, "paranoia eh? Ok what else?" he asks.

I sigh, "He is really mercurial and his mood swings give me whip lash. I am walking on egg shells around him a lot of the time I am scared that I am going to set him off, and if I do say anything I watch him carefully as I know that there is the chance that it could go either way. He gets really angry at times not violent but he shouts and he sulks. He has real difficulty dealing with emotions, and it's like he has spent most of his adult life trying to avoid them… but that is a whole different can of worms which we won't go into at this point". I say as I think about the harmful influence Elena had over him, I pause and take a deep breath before I continue.

"So when he has to face them they just overwhelm him and he ends up acting out. He feels everything very deeply. I know he loves me and he has such a big heart and so much love to give, but he is so intense and that love he has for me makes him act crazy at times. He is so over protective of me and possessive, he has a jealous streak a mile wide. But he is incredibly loyal and I know that he would do anything for me, and would try and move heaven and earth just to make me happy, and with his resources I have no doubt he probably could. He has this constant fear that I am going to leave him… which I didn't help as at one point I did just that. He worries about me; my safety is his paramount concern as he has this all consuming need to keep me safe. He has an unbelievable sense of self loathing… it's more a hatred of himself. He just cannot see what a lovely man he is and when I first told him I loved him he actually told me I shouldn't love him and he tried to push me away. In fact when we first met he was attracted to me but he was so conflicted, he actually pushed me away and told me that I shouldn't get involved with him while he was trying to pursue me. He feels unworthy of people's love and for many years he also kept his family at arm's length. His relationship with them was quite strained when he became a teenager as he started to spiral out of control as he tried to deal with his issues and then puberty as well and it all became too much for him to handle and he started drinking and brawling, but he got his life back on track and now he has to have complete control over everything. He almost closes himself off and wears this mask all the time, like he's showing the world a version of him which he wants them to see. Like an acceptable version of himself. The ruthless, cold and aloof CEO but the real Christian, the man I love isn't like that at all… he is totally different, he is a warm, generous and loving but very complicated man".

I stop talking and wait and Reuben just stares at me his mouth hanging open, "Annie this man sounds severely disturbed" he says eventually and I stare at him shaking my head.

"No" I say firmly.

"Annie listen to me, what you have just described are the classic signs of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, I know this because my mom's sister had it after being abused as a kid and she was completely off her rocker… remember Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?" he says and I nod "Like that!" he says.

I shake my head, "No, Christian isn't like that" I say adamantly.

Reuben nods, "just Google it Annie" he says simply.

I shake my head, "I came to you for help and going on a snapshot of what I have said you are saying my husband has a personality disorder" I say and Reuben nods.

"Amongst other things, I would say he has PTSD and anxiety as well" he says firmly.

I am beginning to wish I had never come here now and I realise that I have put Christian in a very vulnerable position. I think quickly and step outside to Luke who immediately stands.

"I don't suppose you have an NDA on you do you?" I ask.

He nods and reaches inside his pocket and pulls out a number of folded up pieces of paper and I sigh gratefully.

"Thank you, can I have one please?" I ask and he pulls one away and hands it to me.

"Is everything alright Mrs Grey?" he asks warily and I nod.

"It will be once I have got Reuben to sign this" I say and I go back inside.

Reuben stares at me incredulously and shakes his head, but he signs it which I am more than relieved about.

"Thank you for seeing me" I say eventually and Reuben smiles and he pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and scribbles a number down on it before handing it to me.

"If you need me, you call me" he says firmly and I nod and push the number into my pocket.

He reaches out and touches my arm, "Just Google Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder Annie, I'm not saying it to be cruel, I'm saying it because I recognised everything you just described and I worry about what he could do to you, these people are manipulative and narcissistic and sometimes just downright dangerous. I promise I won't say anything to Ray as long as you promise me that if you need me you will call me".

I bite my tongue and nod as I decide that I will do it just to prove him wrong. "Alright I promise" I say stiffly.

I step out of the office just as the front door swings open and Christian strides in, closely followed by Taylor who looks questioningly at me. I glare at Luke who just shrugs and looks unrepentant.

I reach for Christian and bring his attention to me as he glares menacingly at Reuben, "Christian what are you doing here?" I ask.

"Looking for you, Sawyer called Taylor and said that you asked him for an NDA, what the hell is going on Ana?" he spits. I look at him and see the fear and panic in his eyes and I reach up and moving slowly and decisively I place my hand on his chest over his heart.

"Calm down Christian, I just came to see Reuben. He is an old friend of my dad's from his army days and I've known him all my life, he is like an uncle to me. I came because I needed some advice about some things which were bothering me and I knew Reuben would be able to point me in the right direction" I say.

I watch as he takes a deep breath in, "You're leaving me" he whispers and I roll my eyes.

"No, Christian I'm not and as soon as I get the answers I am looking for I will sit down with you and I will talk it over with you, I promise but I can't tell you yet because I don't know myself" I say.

I turn towards Reuben who is watching Christian closely. "Reuben this is my husband, Christian. Christian this is my friend Reuben".

Reuben steps forward and holds out his hand and Christian shakes it.

"Pleased to meet you" Reuben says stiffly and Christian just nods.

I look at my watch and pulling away from Christian I embrace Reuben, "I need to get back to work, thank you for seeing me and for the advice" I say warmly and Reuben embraces me tightly.

"My pleasure Annie, and remember what I said" he says meaningfully and I nod.

I feel Christian pull me back towards him and out of Reuben's embrace. "I'll take you back to work baby" he says.

The drive back to SIP is awkward. Christian is driving the car I arrived in with Luke, forcing Luke to ride with Taylor in the car behind. Waves of fury and fear are rolling off him and I know he is totally over thinking this and coming up with every worst case scenario there could possibly be.

"Ana, my imagination is running away with me at this moment and I need to know why you went to see that man" he says eventually.

And there we go, he has just admitted exactly what I was thinking. I take a deep breath, "Reuben was in the military with my dad and he was in a dark place when he came out, he nearly ended his own life due to PSTD. I have a lot of questions which I need answering" I say.

Christian frowns, "do you need another appointment with John, because all you need to do is ask" he says immediately.

I snort rudely, "I don't think so…" I hesitate and try to be more tactful as I try to explain myself.

"Look, I am questioning a lot of things at the moment and I am doing so because I love you and want what's best for you and if I am totally honest it was my last conversation with John… it is him… it was what he said that made me have these questions" I say as I cringe at how all that came out.

I look at Christian and he is like a coiled spring and I know I need to reassure him as he is now turning everything I have said around in his mind and probably coming up with something totally different.

"Listen to me Christian, I didn't agree with some of the things he said during that meeting we had and as a result of that I did some research and although I am not an expert in any way shape or form PTSD describes some of your issues to a tee, for example your nightmares and your touch phobia. So I went to talk to Reuben to get some advice on how to try and help you, because I am your wife Christian and as such it is my place to give you all the love and support I can and try and help you get the best help you possibly can". I stop before I tell him my views on John and wait for him to respond.

He glances at me and I see him physically relax and he smiles at me before returning his attention back to the road. After a moment he speaks and his voice is quiet.

"I really don't deserve you" he says almost to himself.

I reach out and place my hand on his thigh, "Don't say that, you do deserve to be happy and for some reason you believe your happiness lies with me so I am just doing all I can to make sure I keep you happy" I say.