"Aw, come on, Mal, why me?"
"Cuz she ain't gonna believe it comin from me."
Jayne was sulking above Mal's head on the walkway above the storage area, his combat-booted feet dangling casually. "She ain't gonna believe it from me, either," he protested. "Less than from you, at least."
"See, that's the beauty of the plan," Mal explained, looking up to Jayne with his hands on his hips. "From me, she'll see I'm just tryin to lift her spirits. If you can make it sound sincere, it might make her feel better."
"Come on, Jayne," Zoe coaxed, seating herself beside him. "We're not asking you to do brain surgery. Just say something nice to one of your crew mates."
He scowled. "She ain't gonna buy it."
"Look," Mal called up, frustration dancing at the tip of his words, "it ain't that hard. Just tell her she looks pretty."
"You want me to lie to her? How's that gonna help her ego?"
"You ass," Zoe said simply, looking down to Mal with exasperated eyes.
"Jayne," Mal snapped, "you're really trying to push all my buttons tonight. All I'm askin of you is to tell Kaylee she's pretty, it ain't that hard a request!"
"Why?"
"Because! And that's an order!"
Jayne looked to Zoe for sympathy that certainly wouldn't be there. "She ain't gonna buy it," he told her.
"She will if you say it like you mean it!" Mal called up. "Look, since her and the doctor didn't pan out for her, she's been real down. We're hoping to make her feel better tonight, and you might just be a little more helpful in that aspect, understand?"
"I don't see why I gotta treat her so different, I knew she and that high strung doctor didn't have a chance from the get-go."
"See, that's just the sort of thing not to say to her tonight," Zoe said.
"Just give her some sorta compliment before she leaves," Mal instructed. "I don't care what it is, just as long as it's nice and try to sound sincere about it!" He stalked off impatiently- there was no way Jayne was gonna cooperate with this.
Zoe stood up wordlessly, but cast a meaningful look at Jayne before she left. All meaning of the look, however, was lost on the man. He didn't have the faintest clue what Zoe was glaring about.
"It ain't my fault she swung outta her league," he informed the boxes below. "What's she need a doctor for, anyway? What was she gonna do if she married him, spend all her time at stuffy parties dressed like a cupcake?" He smiled fondly at the vision of Kaylee in the poofy pink ensemble she had hanging in her room. She had looked ridiculous the first time she'd worn it, and she'd look ridiculous wearing it again. And it certainly wouldn't fit in with her husband's circle of friends. But, he supposed, that wasn't none of his business. He had to feed her little girly ego so she could go out and find herself another high class man she wouldn't be able to handle.
"Kaylee," he said, making a grand sweeping gesture with his hand, "You look fantastic." Sound sincere, Zoe's voice scolded him in his head. "Fine," he replied aloud. "Kaylee, you look nice." There hadn't been much conviction in his voice, but he could work on that. "Kaylee, you look nice. Even though I think our stopping on this planet so you can go out with Inara, who don't even live on the ship no more, is a waste of my time. But you look nice anyway." That wasn't gonna do it, but the sincerity had been there at least. Jayne chuckled to himself. She was probably gonna wear that cupcake, too, and he wasn't supposed to laugh at her. Women were baffling- he didn't need some girl telling him how nice he looked when he went somewhere. Why did they need so much assurance on everything?
After their tryst, when The Alliance had lost its interest in the Tam siblings (since they had some explaining to do about Miranda), Kaylee and Simon found life had become awkward between them. The sex had been good-really, really good- so that certainly wasn't the problem. As it turned out, sex had been the limit of their compatibility. They had been two friends walking on the gravels of sexual tension, and now that their appetites had been fed like two starving dogs, all they had left was a friendship walking on gravel. Simon had been the one to step forth with that truth and although Kaylee had agreed with him fully, in the eyes of everyone on board the blame of the breakup had been placed on his head. He'd accepted it dutifully, since Kaylee had a long standing friendship with the rest of the crew and Simon wasn't even sure there was anyone on board (save his sister) who genuinely liked him.
Everyone agreed it was for the best, Mal saying that inert-crew relationships were dangerous, and River assuring Kaylee that she was better off because her brother as finicky and he snored too loud even for outer space. Kaylee accepted all these comforts with a smile, but in the back of her mind she knew the real reason it hadn't worked- she wasn't good enough. Simon was all right for a friend, but really, he needed a high class girl. He had thought Kaylee was charming, sweet, and definitely a good lay. All those things only went so far. When it all came down to it, if Simon ever decided to leave Serenity he'd be going back to a world Kaylee couldn't hope to swim in. This had wiped about 80 of the sunshine out of Kaylee's disposition.
Zoe had contacted Inara the week before, since she could always find a smile on Kaylee's face. Inara had been with a client on a planet called Nitro, which had been three days from Serenity's coordinates. They were going to see Inara, and they were going to bring the good spirit back into Kaylee's eyes. Nitro was a 'new age' planet, filled to the brim with cities, bright lights and the latest technology. It was also home to Olympia, the most popular and prestigious night club in the entire verse. That was their destination-Inara, Kaylee, River (after much protestation from her brother) and Zoe (to keep an eye on River). It was a girls' night out.
Mal, Jayne and Simon were waiting by the exit for the female crew members to make their debut. The captain had agreed to the outing, although he didn't care much for the delay. There was possible work on Aarius for them, which had been a week away until they'd gone off course. He hadn't shared this information with Jayne, who'd have had a small tantrum about the whole ordeal. As it was, Jayne was leaning sulkily against a wall, his thick brow furrowed. He was sore because he'd been forbade to leave the ship so the girls could have a good time without any hindrance. He didn't care much about this club anyway- it was full of prissy boys and stuck-up girls who'd sooner slap him than give him a dance. What he did care about was the exciting night life that was crawling all over the city (namely the bars and brothels) that he couldn't partake in. It was gonna be a task saying something nice to Kaylee when he was scowling so hard.
Zoe was the first to emerge, dressed in her white formal dress- the same one she'd worn to Wash's funeral. Mal took this as a sign to the other girls that Zoe was not interested in finding someone that night. River trounced out after her, a pretty light blue sundress flowing off her curvy shoulders and down to her calves. Her dark tendrils spilled down her back in lazy ringlets, and her feet tapped softly on Serenity's deck. Low-heeled sandals replaced her usual combat boots.
"Kaylee looks weird," she informed everyone. Mal immediately looked to Zoe, who pursed her lips but said nothing. The three men's necks craned as they tried to see Kaylee emerging from the darkness.
The first thing they noticed were her legs, splendidly toned and white from their lack of exposure. As the light crept up her body, they saw she was not in the pink cupcake but a in a light, free flowing red dress. The neckline, if it could be called that, plunged somewhere in the depths of her navel. There wasn't much of a back to the ensemble, just two silk ribbons crisscrossing her lower back to ensure the outfit didn't fall off her completely. Her shoulders were almost bare, two thin straps contrasting the paleness of her skin. The cloth of her dress hugged her body tightly, either hanging on for dear life or molesting her.
Simon choked on his own breath, coughing a few times in the stunned silence. Mal and Jayne shared open mouthed gapes. Inara stepped out after Kaylee, her stunning chestnut gown and perfectly pinned chestnut hair going unnoticed for the moment.
"Inara," Kaylee gushed, "you really look beautiful."
"Me?" the companion laughed. "I'm not the one who silenced the room."
"Uh, Kaylee," Mal sputtered, finally finding his voice, "you look…uh…"
"Different, I know," she finished for him, blushing. She tossed her polished looking hair over her left shoulder. "I thought I'd try something different tonight."
"Different, yeah." Mal shuffled nervously. "Ah, Kaylee…" He scratched his head, looking away. "You sure you wanna… what I mean to say is, you know the kind of… attention you're gonna attract?"
"Sure," she assured him. "I figure in this, I'll be attracting the kind of guys on my level, you know?" Her voice was cheery, but her eyes looked hurt and doubtful. Simon blushed and looked to the floor. Everyone else stood in the equally uncomfortable silence. Everyone except Jayne.
"Kaylee," he said, "Whoa. You look damn good."
She blushed. Jayne wasn't usually so sincere about things not gun or pay related. "Thanks, Jayne," she beamed.
Jayne turned to Mal. "You ain't gonna let her leave like that, are you?"
"He don't have a say!" Kaylee protested. "And you just said I look good."
"Yeah, you sure do. For one night only company."
"Jayne!" Inara hissed.
"What? If I saw her in that place looking like she looks, that'd be the first thing I'd think of. And that's what all those fellas will be thinking."
"That's fine!" Kaylee said defiantly. "Thank the verse you ain't coming, then! There are guys out there looking for more than a one time deal!"
"You ain't gonna find them looking like that."
"Are we ready to go?" Kaylee asked the girls, deciding the best way to keep her dignity intact would be to ignore Jayne from hereon in. "Because I'd like to go now."
"Yes," River said immediately. "I'm ready. Let's go!"
"Ah," Simon interjected, "I'm still not so sure you should-"
"Zoe's got her," Mal said over his shoulder, his eyes still on the mechanic. "No worry." As the women proceeded off the ship, he got a hold of Zoe's arm. "Make sure she don't get picked up," he told her.
Zoe was slightly offended he even had to say it. "Of course not. I'm watching her."
"I mean Kaylee."
"So do I." She rejoined the group and disappeared off the ship. There was a moment's peace, then all eyes turned to Jayne. He folded his arms, ready for whatever the captain would dish out this time. Mal turned to his laborer, trying to think of words worthy of the situation. He raised a hand (possibly for hitting), looked at Simon, then back to Jayne.
"Jayne," he said, his voice queerly flat, "Most counterproductive thing you coulda said."
"Really," Simon muttered.
"I ain't gonna lie to her," Jayne said, already bored with the topic. "Was that what you wanted?"
"You coulda shut up!" Mal snapped. "You coulda not said a damn thing!"
"You're the one who told me-"
"Didn't your ma ever tell you if you can't say something nice, shut the hell up?"
"No," Jayne lied sorely. Yes. His ma must've told him that a hundred times at least.
"You're such a child," Simon remarked.
Jayne pushed off the wall, puffing out his chest. "You wanna make something of those words, doc?"
"Back down," Mal said sharply. "He ain't the one on trial here, you are."
"Thank you," Simon said.
"Shut up, Simon."
Simon slumped, his momentary victory over Jayne quickly deflated. "Yes, sir," he muttered, deciding to take his leave and hide in the infirmary for the rest of the night.
Mal stared at Jayne, whose resolve never broke. "I didn't expect you to be much help in the situation," he confessed, "but I was sure hopin you weren't gonna be a hindrance." He walked off, shaking his head in disgust.
"She'll get over it," Jayne assured himself, tromping back to his room. He smiled faintly, picturing Kaylee in his head. She did look damn good, no doubt about it. Some good dreams tonight for sure. Still, the back of his mind was tinged with a small pain Jayne wasn't accustomed to, but what everyone else knows as guilt. She's seemed pretty let down when he'd told her the truth. That she was pretty? No, that's she'd only be considered for a one night stand. "Maybe she'll find herself another doctor," he mused to his gun rack. They, like him, were unconvinced. "Why does she need some fancy stiff doctor, anyway? Being well off don't make a man any more worthwhile."
He had to admit, though, she had looked damn good. Sweet dreams tonight.
Most of the way across the belly of Serenity, Simon was shuffling various medical nonsense here and there. He couldn't think what to do with any of it. Sort it? It had been sorted before he'd decided to mess with it. Throw it across the room? That sounded appealing, but then he'd have to clean it up later and that would bother him even more. Truth be told, he was downright annoyed with just about everything. As stupid as it sounded, he'd really enjoyed putting Jayne in his place. He liked having the captain on his side, someone other than just himself knocking Jayne off his high horse. Simon Tam was not one to get into pissing contests often, but when he did he took satisfaction in winning them. Mal had just about quashed his satisfaction this time. It hadn't only been Jayne bothering him, although he certainly helped. The root of the issue was his whole mess with Kaylee. He was the "bad guy", and he'd accepted that. But it hadn't actually been his fault, and no one would ever realize that. Kaylee had said herself things were bound to fizzle out eventually, and she was glad Simon brought it up because she was afraid to. Both of them knew they would never be more than just friends. So why had she taken it so badly when he was fine? Because, simply put, she was a girl. You could always count on a woman to complicate things. Kaylee had gotten the notion in her head that all men of Simon's stature were too good for her. He would have loved to put her mind at rest, assure her that it wasn't a matter of class at all. But he knew what would happen if he told her that. She'd look at him with watery eyes and say doubtfully "The why ain't we together?" And he wouldn't really have an answer for that.
Maybe it was time to move on. It'd been nearly six months since Miranda. The Alliance didn't care about him and his sister anymore. River had been sleeping much better lately, and sometimes Simon could actually see the girl she had been when they were kids. He couldn't deny that the crew played a major part in her recovery, but he worried that it wasn't the best atmosphere for her to be in. She would tell him she was old enough to make her own decisions (that had been the basis of the argument on tonight's outing), but she was still really impressionable. Raising her on a ship full of pirates (Face facts, Tam, they're pirates) wasn't his idea of being a good parent brother. Couldn't he do better for her? He had already failed her once- he didn't intend to do it again.
Back across the ship (not quite as far as Jayne's room), Captain Malcolm Reynolds was beating himself up. What was he thinking, trusting Kaylee's fragile emotions to the likes of Jayne? Why had he snapped at Simon? No matter how patient Mal was with anything, he still felt it was never quite enough.
Jayne. Why couldn't he have just left it at 'whoa'? That would've been perfect. Since when was Jayne so worried about honesty, anyway? Kaylee could decide for herself what was best. If that's the case, he lectured himself, Why'd you ask Zoe to look out for her? Because like Jayne, he didn't want the girl's feelings to get hurt. Jayne might like to make the occasional jab at Kaylee's expense, but he was always quick to defend her. Didn't make him any less of an ass, though.
Simon. Oh, Simon. Mal was hard on the kid, he knew. But the boy had to learn that no matter how clever you are, toughness was the overall factor of the verse. Guts counted for more than brains. You had to have both, but the scale needed to tip the one way to be a success. Simon was a part of that class that didn't give a hoot for rough and tumble bravery. They were more impressed if you could take out a sword and slay your conflicts instead of getting down and dirty with them. He belonged to the class that sat high above the rest and watched the world beneath them like Inara . He shook Inara from his mind. That was one path he'd long since crossed and denied. No sense thinking about it now. Back to Simon. Simon was weak, soft. He wouldn't last long on this side of the verse without someone at his back. His sister might, she was a tough one. He wasn't sure how much was genuine and how much had been trained into her, but it didn't really matter. When and if River ever calmed her emotions, she'd probably make a fine member of the crew. He imagined she'd be a lot like Jayne, only prone to sudden psychic insights that would certainly be helpful. Strange as it was, Mal liked River. He liked Simon, too. How much? Enough. Simon was a good man, loyal, and probably wouldn't stir up much trouble now that the Alliance didn't want his head.
Seven hours passed until finally the females returned. Jayne had been rudely awaken by the captain, who'd kicked at his door until Jayne had yelled "I'm awake, damming!" then thrown a boot at the wall to prove it. Simon was at the entrance seconds after Zoe's call to board had come through. Malcolm and Jayne soon followed, Jayne stifling several loud yawns.
Zoe and Inara came first, seeming to be in good spirits. Mal's heart lifted- that was a god sign nothing had gone wrong. Kaylee and River stumbled in next, giggling like school girls. Kaylee's once glossy hair was seriously mussed and tied back with what appeared to be a cloth napkin. River was grinning widely and clinging to Kaylee, her bright eyes slightly out of focus. Simon scowled.
"River, are you drunk?"
She shook her head 'no'. "Yes," she told him, giggling.
He looked to Zoe. "Is she drunk?"
"Would appear that way," Zoe said smoothly.
"How…what…How could you let her do that?"
"I didn't have a say in the matter."
"Didn't have a… You were supposed to be watching after her!" He balled his fists angrily, knowing no one was going to take his side if he chewed out Zoe but wanting to just the same.
"There's no legal drinking age for this planet," she informed him. "So she was allowed to drink if she wanted. I'm not her babysitter. You told me to make sure she didn't get into trouble, and she didn't." Zoe waved her hand in River's direction, indicating the girl was in one piece. River hiccupped and giggled again.
Simon threw his hands up, obviously defeated. He couldn't do anything about it now, except not let her go out next time. "I'm not giving you anything for a hangover," he informed his sister moodily. "If you're old enough to be intoxicated, you're old enough to hug the toilet tomorrow."
"Kay," she said simply, swaying on her feet. Kaylee caught her and giggled.
Mal cleared his throat. "So, uh, Kaylee, how'd things go?"
"Oh, fine," she told him. "Met a nice guy named Oslo. He's an attorney. Don't know a thing about engines, but I told him I'd show him around Serenity sometime and get him acquainted." She smiled brightly with her mouth, but her eyes sang a different tune. Mal looked to Zoe, who gave him a face that clearly said something was awry.
"That's great, Kaylee," Mal said, trying to be encouraging. He'd ask Zoe about this Oslo fella later.
"Didja sleep with 'im?" Jayne asked groggily.
"No," Kaylee retorted matter-of-factly. "I told you there are nice guys looking for more than a night."
"I don't feel well," River said, right before she passed out.