Hidden Secrets

River shifted, the bed creaking under her. Something was flitting on the edges of her mind, something she was supposed to remember. It whispered to her of guards and security cameras, of holes in the defenses and rushing water. A river? No, she was wrong, must have misheard, misread. She was missing something in the gaps between words, in the static that filled the radio wave. Then it was gone, and she was lonely, missing something she didn't even know.

She twisted again, the blankets tangling around her legs until she kicked them loose, terrified of being drowned. The mattress was evil, but no one listened when she spoke. She'd cut out the evil, but they had ignored her complaints and just put it back together, reassembling the broken pieces. Simon did that too. Maybe he would put her back together.

Simon. The name caused River to sit up, bed groaning in protest. The gaps were being filled in, the static clearing. Simon. The name was repeated in the interference, entwined with the water.

Rushing water, a stream, river, creek. A river. River. Like her, was her. Simon was coming for her. She smiled, tears coming down her face. Happy tears, good tears, not like the tears the needles and nightmares brought. Simon was coming to bring her home.

Then she remembered. Walls, defenses, how do we break in? How do we break out? He was going to get caught, punished for coming to get her. She would be the one to kill him, after they broke him. She had to warn him, keep him safe. How?

The memory came to her then, of the first days of school. Of Dr. Mathias. 'You can tell me anything River,' he had told her, eyes kind. But Dr. Mathias was evil, hurt her with needles. But if it saved Simon, was it worth it?

She didn't have to think it through, Simon was going to get himself killed trying to get to her. She would just have to keep him alive. After all, she was the smart one.

River swung her legs over the side of the bed and slowly stood up, muscles stiff from the kicking. She moved across the room like a wraith, her hand slowly turning the doorknob as she slipped into the hallway.

She glanced around, confused and overwhelmed. The hallway was empty, so empty. White stretching in every direction, perfect and clean. She shook, stepping back against the door. Why did she have to do this? Maybe her brother wouldn't come, would leave her here in the white cold place tinged with blue. But this was Simon, so she knew he wouldn't. He would come and he would die unless she did something.

River turned to the left and started walking, arms wrapped around herself, trying to hold herself together. She moved slowly, hunched over as she shuffled down the hall, searching for Dr. Mathias.

She passed a door and flinched, recoiling. Her name was Lucy and she was fifteen and she was trapped in a cave with spiders surrounding as she screamed and screamed, waiting for something to come.

No, she was River, rushing like water. She knew who she was, couldn't release her hold on herself or she would fall and break and scatter and scream. And then they would come, but not listen. She's crazy, doesn't know what she's saying. They're right, partially. She doesn't know the memories she's talking about as the words fall like rain drip like blood from her lips. And she is crazy, but that's their fault with their knives and scalpels and needles. River hates the needles the most, they come and they show her things like her old childhood and dance classes and sunsets and Simon. But they never stay, they always go and River knows that they were never real, never will be real again. Maybe Simon isn't real, is a test? But no, she wouldn't be able to hear him then. No matter what, can't stop the signal.

She can hear them coming now, the two by two. They found her bed empty and they're unsure. What will she do? We have to find her. River Tam is our most valuable asset. She walks faster. She needs to find Dr. Mathias now, before they find her. They're going to be so angry. Maybe Dr. Mathias will keep the demons away.

Running now, hearing the footsteps behind her. Her dress whips around her feet, trapping them, slowing her down. No, run faster, fly lie the wind. Have to find him. Simon's life depends on it. Blue is coming now, swelling over her head like a wave that's about to break and she knows she'll be swept away, trapped in a world of blue and shadows and walls that come from no where with doors that vanish when she looks too close.

She sees the office, but it's so crowded, many doctors talking together, discussing notes, comparing practices. She stops in front of the door, casting nervous glances over her shoulder.

Shiny pieces are littering the corridor. She glances down, sees the holes where they used to be. She tightens her arms, trying to hold herself together before she breaks. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty back together again.

But she has Simon, and he'll put her back together. She blinks, looks back down the hallway. The footsteps are closer and she sees the shadows stretching across the floor and up the wall. She has to act quickly.

River slowly unwraps one arm, wincing as several more pieces, these ones purple, fall to the floor, joining the rainbow. She knocks softly before quickly re-wrapping her arm. If she breaks, then it will be all over.

The voices are quiet in the room, the doctors all wondering who it could be. Theories flashed through their minds. Government officials? Terrorists? A student? The silence was broken when Dr. Mathias called for her to come in. With one last nervous glance over her shoulder, showing one of them rounding the corner, she opened the door and slipped inside.

The room was filled with doctors and notes and cortex screens, all staring at her, eyes confused, minds hungry. She's a prodigy, that one. I wish I could get my hands on her. I heard she can kill ninety men in two minutes. She must be something to see.

She flinched, cringing back against the door. Simon was back again, thinking about how to break in. She looked up, seeking out Dr. Mathias. He stared back at her, eyes cold.

"I have a secret," she whispered. The doctors startled, moved backwards. Dr. Mathias moved forwards.

"What is it River?" he asked her. River frowned. Can't tell, won't tell, Simon will be angry, they'll catch him, know he's here. Hurt him, kill him, lesser of two evils. His mind was swirling, escape and River and must not be caught.

"Can't be caught," she heard herself whisper, eyes wide. No, can't tell! She whimpered, the pieces falling away faster and faster as she struggled. Why did she come? She can't remember. Eyes wide, blank. She can't remember her name, all she knows is that she has something that she can't tell anyone.

"I have a secret," she repeats. She sinks to the floor, head in hands. She's shaking now. The footsteps are louder, and then they stop. Everything's cold now, and blue.

"Someone's coming," she breathes. She's not in control anymore, the wave has broken and swept her away. Inside she struggles, screaming. Dr. Mathias moves closer, bending down so he can look her in the eyes.

"Who's coming?" She shakes her head, in control.

"Can't tell, it's a secret." Dr. Mathias smiles, like a wolf.

"You know you can tell me anything." River nods, slipping away, falling off the ledge into the abyss. She fights, screaming. Why did she come here? Why why why? It was a mistake, error, anomaly in her thinking. Can't trust anyone here, they're all wolves and she's a sheep, lamb for slaughter.

"Sheep," she murmurs, "I'm a sheep." Dr. Mathias looks confused, then nods.

"Yes, so you have to tell me your secret," he says, voice soothing. She nods. It makes sense. She feel her mouth open and she screams inside, unable to make her body listen to her.

"Simon," she says, the tears streaming down her face. "Simon's coming for me."

Dr. Mathias nods, and pats her on the head.

"Good girl," he tells her, standing up to open the door for the two by two, hands of blue. They pick her up, bring her back to her room. They won't punish her now, not now that she's brought them information. She's shaking anyway, tears streaming down. The river is crying and the waters are overflowing their banks. Rain, so much rain.

She's back in her room, curled up on her bed. Simon's still there, but now he's thinking about her, remembering the way she always corrected his spelling, the games they used to play, the smile she smiled that was only for him and no one else.

"I'm sorry Simon," she whispered. She was going to make sure he was safe. It was her fault that he was threatened.

XXXXXXX

He's their, his thoughts scared and angry and relieved as he looks at her, struggling to keep his face straight. Dr. Mathias begins to turn towards him, about to say the words that would bring the guards in, with guns and handcuffs and rope. He's a spider, urging a fly closer into his web.

But Simon beats him to the chase, dropping to release a bolt of energy that has everyone dropping. He runs to her then, his hands gentle as he pulls the needle off of her face, cutting off the pain that's running through her in waves.

He's calling her name but she can't focus, her mind hazy with drugs and pain and shock that he's here, actually here.

He pulls away, going to the door. The emptiness scares her and she opens her eyes, relaxing when she sees Simon, trying to tell if someone's coming. She stands, moving over to him. He jumps when he sees her, he always did scare easily.

"Simon, you came," she murmurs. Simon nods, smiling slightly. She can feel the guards getting closer, the blue threatening to crush them. It's all her fault. He's going to get killed because of her. He's already given up everything for her, now it's her turn.

She knows her part in this. Get Simon to follow her, run into the guards, and fade away. Easy, simple. They promised they wouldn't hurt him, that they would keep him alive. She knows they're lying though, can feel their anticipation running, singing really, through their veins. They want to take him apart, see how he works, like a machine. They don't plan on putting him back together though. Humpty Dumpty all over again. She knows what she has to do. She reaches out, takes his hand.

"They know you're here."