Hey guys! If you're here because you enjoyed any of my stories (even though they were written YEARS ago) you should go check out my youtube channel! You'll probably enjoy my videos, or at the very least learn something completely random and fun that you'll never need to know. :)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbgZqPwRi6myvzhxG0_RniA

Here are the full synopsis of all of my stories. WARNING, IMPORTANT MESSAGE:(I think that TUCO is different enough to read without reading Frozen Love. Only the last chapter or so of FL are necessary to understand the whole story, maybe not even those. It has been a while since I wrote FL, and I'm pretty sure that my writing skills improved a bit since then, so hopefully TUCO will sound a little more proffesional than my other non-one-shot stories.)okay, not that important.

1. Frozen Love - This is a ClairexQuil story. Claire runs into a cruel, twisted vampire, and he causes some change in everyone's lives. Claire's life is threatened as a result, and Quil has to decide if he wants her to die, or if she needs to be changed into a vampire! That is only the beginning though! More happens, but it would ruin the story if I posted it here! The events of Frozen Love lead up to the story The Universe Cries out, its sequel. This is mostly a romance story, blended with some hurt/comfort and actiony stuff.

2. The Universe Cries Out - Virgo is a strange creature, not human, werewolf, vampire, witch, or any other mythical creature that has been explored. She and her brother (who was kidnapped by himself from the future!) have extraordinary powers. Bella gets hurt by Orion (her brother) and Virgo goes rocketing throughout space to find a way to help her aunt. Virgo leaves the world wrong, however, and it causes a major problem that turns her brother against her! What happens when two immensely powerful beings try to kill each other, but are too evenly matched to do it on their own? A full scale war breaks out, including humans and other creatures. Continues from the end of Frozen Love. this is totally an adventure/fantasy thing, far different than Frozen Love. No mushy love garbage here. (I think that this story is different enough to read without reading Frozen Love. Only the last chapter or so of FL are necessary to understand the whole story, maybe not even those. It has been a while since I wrote FL, and I'm pretty sure that my writing skills improved a bit since then, so hopefully TUCO will sound a little more proffesional than my other non-one-shot stories.)

3. The Cullens Are Gone? - This story is another one if Edward didn't return in New Moon. It begins from when Jacob and Bella are in the car after her cliff diving session, and Alice never saw Bella jump. It explores how their relationship could have developed from there, going all the way through till the end of Eclipse. There's gooey mush, there's action, and there's some other stuff that I don't have a word for. This whole story is from Bella's point of view.

4. The Cullens Are Gone? (Jacob POV) - This is exactly the same as the one right above, except this is from Jacob's point of view (obviously!). There aren't any differences in the story line, but some of the dialogue might be a little different.

5. Hot Stuff - One-shot. It is set 70 years after Breaking Dawn, with Benjamin as the main character. He and his wife, Tia, have grown tired of Amun's lifestyle, his fascination with trying to make Benjamin his pawn. They leave for the Cullen's mansion, and get accepted with open arms. Not all gooey-romancy, but there is some action in here with the Volturi. FLAME ON!

6.Motherly Love - An Esme story. Seth's family gets disrupted, and Esme is the kindest person he knows. She helps him immensely, even going so far as to cross the La Push boundaries uninvited! Definately no slashy crap, just some familial love. Esme's 'mother hen' character is brought out, along with her infinite capacity to love.

the Hobbit, Save My Life - Totally lame title, but it fits with reference to LOTR. There is no Lord of the Rings action, or story line based in here, merely references to it. This is Embry's story, the one of how his life is flipped by a girl who could probably flip him over her shoulder! Well, if she were a bit taller. She hurts herself kicking some bad-boys' butts, and she might have to become a vamp! How does Embry react to this? Well, he's an imprinter, isn't he?

8.The Best Day - It is a song-fic to the song 'The Best Day' by Taylor Swift. It is just series of little ficlets of Quil and Claire, leading up to when she is an adult. Many of the ficlets follow the story presented by the song. Not related in any way to any of the other stories I've written.

9.Shattering Stories - Embry imprints on a four year old boy. NOT GAY/SLASH, ANYTHING LIKE THAT! This how I think that this could play out if a wolf imprinted on another guy. It will go through the boy's life, until the end. Please read, give it a chance. Embry POV. I've decided to hold chapters for review ransom this time around, see if it works to get me more reviews.

So as the years have passed, I've written more stuff, but I really haven't finished any of it. Particularly in the Teen Wolf, Merlin, Harry Potter, and Supernatural fandoms. If you love how I write, I've grown up since my last post, so my stuff now is better (I promise) if incomplete. Send me a personal message if you want me to post what I've got anyways. Enough desire will bear fruit, even if I give no promise of finishing!

And now: the random profile stuff that nobody reads!!

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
(so the vampires don't climb out)
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
(Because Alice prefers the stock market)
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
(It does. Ever wiped the inside with your finger?)
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
(because there are so many screw ups)
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
(do you know how much that box weighs?)
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
(Of course! Alternate personas are people too)
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
(No, cows drink water stupid!)
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
(English is a cruel language)
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
(It's the only logical explanation...)
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
(The same. It would just be longer.)
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
(That holds all my video games.)
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
(Competition is the best form of flattery)
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
(I don't think they'll need beer if they're missing...)
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
(Well, if they believe someone cares, maybe they'll turn themselves in?)
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
(Have you ever seen how big Spongebob can get?)
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
(Or just learn how to insult people better.)
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
(Duh, amphibians don't exactly need to breathe much.)
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
(Because that would be too obvious.)
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
(a cardboard box.)
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
(They don't want the dead person to get AIDS)
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
(Pfffttt. No!...maybe...)
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
(Everyone knows that Mickey is a rat!)
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
(Same person who made 'abbreviated' so long.)
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
(They make the other fish sick from their smell.)
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
(Old people need food too)
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
(Because 'K' would be too simple)
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
(English is a cruel language)

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press-no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Hilarious, real (taken with a grain of salt) medical charts:

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rayed and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

If you've held on this long and actually read through all of this, you should REALLY check out my youtube channel. You just might enjoy my brand of humor. :)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbgZqPwRi6myvzhxG0_RniA