Things I like: Choral Music, Singing, Playing on my Guitar, Playing on my piano, Cooking, Reading poetry and fiction, Reading anything (Even backs of cereal boxes), Richard Rodgers, Dubussy, Bernstein, Mozart, Cheesy Disney Movies, Cute Children, Children's literature, Stained glass windows, Going to Mass, Camping, Riding, Talking, Drumming my pencil on random objects, Parades, Thunder tubes, Unpopable bubbles, Children who smile alot, Children who believe in Santa Claus, People who believe in Saints, Corned Beef, Families with twice as many children as adults, People who appreciate strange things-Like African Cochroaches, pug dogs, watermelon, nose flutes

Things I don't like: Television, People who describe everything and it's brother as "cute", Tale-bearing, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Brussels Sprouts, British Musicals-Except for Gilbert and Sullivan, People who talk on their cell phones in the bathroom, People who talk on their cell phones in the theater, People who talk on their cell phones when they're supposed to be talking to you, People who don't stop for pedestians in the crosswalk, Too much vibrato, People who play a tripulet when a dotted quarter-eighth is notated, Children who talk during my rehearsal, Suburbia, People who dance ballet for ten years and don't know who Diaghalev was, fanfiction that is written by people who only saw the movie, tardiness, wasp nests,

Allegratree's Flame Key:

(In case you haven't figured this out, this is a joke. I don't really use this. In fact, I don't ever flame. All of my reviews are constructive in nature. SO far, in several years of reviewing fiction online, I have recieved three complaints, all from writers on this website and all from writers of Phantom of the Opera fiction. For some reason, this domain does not seem to attract serious writers as them I usually say, if you aren't posting on this site in order to get feedback to improve your writing style, then what exactly are you in it for? Again, I don't really use this system, it is just a joke. So chill out.)

Due to the increased number of stories which deserve flames, I have been forced to implement this code in order to flame stories more effectively. If you recieved a flame in the form of a code, use the following key to translate the problem:

Gram= You story is abundant in grammatical mistakes.

GRAM= You grammer is so bad your story makes no sense whatsoever.

1= Is English your first langauge?

col= Your story has far too much modern dialect.

COL=Your 17th, 18th, or 19th century characters speak as if they are from the "hood".

HIS= Your story makes no sense in historical context.

obj- Your story contains objects, inventions, services, or places that did not exist during the time period it is written in.

Det= Your story includeds more then one inaccuracy from the book it is based on.

book= Have you ever actually read this book?

HUH= Have you even seen the movie?

wha= You story contains discrepencies in your own plot. ie- your character changes names mid-chapter, left the house and ended up in the bathroom, sent a letter to SantaClaus, forgot to mail it, and recieved a reply from Humpty Dumpty, or something of that nature.

DUM= This story was written on a pre-6th grade literacy level.

PED= You are a pedophile. Get help.

TV= Turn the television off and read a book. (seeing a movie based on a book doesn't count and TeenPeople is not a book.)

perv= Keep your sexual fantasies to yourself.

PERV= Would you let your mother read this? Then why the heck do you think we should?

PERV= This is a CHILDREN'S book for God sake!

sad= Your story is nothing more then a fantasy in which you, yourself go into a work of fiction and "save" some mean, ugly old man. I suggest that you not follow this procedure in your real love life.

LOL= Overall, your story is so bad, I can't tell if it is a parody or not.

lyr= Your story contains intellectual property that is under copyright and therefor you are breaking the law. If you think that because you wrote a disclaimer and no one would pay a dead battery to read this crap, you are not breaking the law, then you are not very smart. It makes no difference.

LYR= Your pre-modern character randomly bursts into 80's British showtunes or other kinds of postmodern song. Weird.

lang= Your story takes place in England and you point out that your characters have English accents or worse, your story takes place in France or elsewhere and you point out that they have French or Elsewhereish accents. (As if French people sit around and talk in perfect English when we aren't looking. All except one character that speaks with an accent.)

spell= Get someone to teach you to click the spell-check button.

sub= You are writing about a subject that you know nothing about. (babies, music, architecture, water purification, Irish dance, art, cars etc.) It is so painfully obvious that you have no idea what you are talking about that it is comical.

krims= Your story contains overuse/misuse or the word 'smirk'.

plag= This chapter, or the whole story, is just a synopsis of an original work, written in poor grammer.

pomme= You randomly use foriegn words for no apparent reason other then to show how clever you are that you took German in school.

nom= Your character's name was common during the time period, but not in the country in which your story takes place. You provide no explanation for why your character has a foriegn name.

nom= You have named your Victorian Era character Meghan, Madison, Trixie, Kamryn, Devon, etc

NOM= You name the characters in your French story Amelie, Cosette, and Fantine because they are the only French names you know and you are too lazy to look up new ones.

SUE= By request of Clever Lass, for blatant use of a Mary Sue character. Mary is defined as the author's written incarnation of herself. SHe is prettier then the female lead, as well as smarter, and stronger then the male lead. Her purpose, essentially, is to show how the author would have handled the male lead had she been put in the same fictional situation.

Every now and then, someone writes me an email with a suggestion for a new code. (Of course, these are people who actually get the joke.) I usually get around to editing and add their suggetion to the list. I think it's funny. If you have a suggestion, then email me and I'll put it on here.