castlelover88
 Author has written 8 stories for Castle, Mentalist, Skulduggery Pleasant series, Harry Potter, and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Favourite colours: Red, Purple, Blue Fave TV shows: CASTLE!!!!! The mentalist, CSI, CSI NY (not CSI Miami- Horatio bugs me!), NCIS, Buffy, Firefly Fave Music: Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Pink, JLS, One Direction Fave Movies: Harry Potter, Pirates of the Carribbean, Scream, The Snow Queen, Nightmare before Christmas Fave Books: Harry Potter, Anne of Greengables, Rizzoli and Isles series, Jodi Picoult's books, House of Night, Morganville Vampires, Night World, Vampire diaries, Twilight, anything by Richard Castle! Skulduggery Pleasant. Fave Couples: Kate Beckett and Richard Castle- Castle When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed. When in doubt, make words up! The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you! Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia. Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid! Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes! An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work. Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss! Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity... Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible? I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now. WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP! There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't. The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow! If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless. Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away. Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'? When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much. Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it. Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3? I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious! Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way. Your shin: a device used to find furniture in the dark Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum? People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was. Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone. I'm the kind of girl who would fall flat on my face, get up, laugh my head off, and say " That was fun! “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.” “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.” Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over. Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity? Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that. Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen! Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! Don’t follow me, I’m lost too. This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob. Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas. One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff. I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me? I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter. When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate. It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER. So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun. When French people swear do they say pardon my English? Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’? Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? Life sucks and then you die. Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it? “When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade” Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick. Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!" Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake." Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!" I smile because I have no idea what’s going on! Life was so simple when boys had cooties I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I don’t obsess! I think intensely. Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later. One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons! When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office. I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. “When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.” “Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” “Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else” “Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.” “I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.” “What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.” A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.” Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!” “He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.” “If you know me, chances are you hate me.” Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you. Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them. Set sail in a general that way direction. It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it? I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later. Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face? All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Rules For Hogwarts: - If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout "TO THE BAT MOBILE!' - Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar - I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month. - I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort - I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape - Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda - I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'. - The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. - If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it. - It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate. - "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. - Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey." - I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs - The Whomping Willow is not a Entwife with PMS - "I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!" - "So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead." - Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret - No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. - Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July... - Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such. - I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group. - Especially not with kazoos. - The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable". - Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden. - There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man". ...Even if I do conjure him up. - Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow. - The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate. - Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge. - I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins. - I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?" - I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me." - Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas. - No combination of these is acceptable. - Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny. - Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom. - I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways. - I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever. - If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change. - I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either. - I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating. - I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals. What is the fun in Hogwarts anymore???? Things I learned from CASTLE! (I borrowed this list from someone else) Mystery writers are cocky but cute Detectives have attitude (though this could also come under any cop show, LIV (SVU) certainly does) The smell of cherries is a likable fragrance for writer-boy Lanie loves a good match-making project Romance takes time and patience Love means having TO say you’re sorry Writer’s daughters are intelligent and wise MOTHER means entertainment and Broadway plays Best-selling authors get to wear WRITERS vests Book dedications mean LOVE Money passing hands means the BOYS have been betting again Actors dressing up as alternate versions of themselves (like MAL from Firefly) There will be NO biting before dinner Page 105 is raunchy (seriously have you read it) Crimes are more than dead bodies… they are a reason for Beckett & Castle to squabble Ringing phones mean a NEW case Only Lanie knows how to do the Mm-hu with attitude THE HAMPTONS is an ugly place. WE don’t like it!!! Nobody knows who ACTUALLY wrote the Richard Castle books, HEAT WAVE and NAKED HEAT. Breaking your girlfriend/boyfriend out of jail is true LOVE If you have finally come to the realization that NCIS is the ultimate crime show in the history of the world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had the urge to scream in a shopping center, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe that your genetics have some pretty cruel stuff handed down through generations, copy and paste this into your profile. If you wish that you were in the Navy, Team Gibbs, Ducky and Abby were real investigators and there was a crime just so NCIS would investigate, copy and paste this into your profile. If you want to be Ziva David, just so that you get to hang around with Tony, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile. If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person (or not) copy this into your profile. If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile. Weird is good. Strange is bad. Odd is what you call someone who you can't decide what to call them. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which means weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Revenant666, darkflame1516, AirGirl Phantom, Agent of the Divine One, pointless people of Pluto, itachikakashi, xXxLuna-of-the-ChosenxXx, .a.broken.heart.within. The Most OOC Writer Around, Mask of Mirage, EcoliandDahChihuahua, Black Rose Dye, Geradsredskittle666, AbbyLover, NCISchick Castlelover88 If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice verse copy this into your profile If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, ect, copy this onto your profile. If you know the clowns are out to get you, copy and paste this onto your profile If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile! If you KNOW the voice in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile! If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. (Or geek.) I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile. If keyboards hate you copy this onto your profile! If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro! If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile. most people would be offended if someone asked them whats wrong with there mind. copy and paste this onto your profile if you would be one of the few people to say, "were to begin.." if your are hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE if you've ever copied something onto your profile, copy this onto your profile if you think a semi colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying, and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this on your pro! if you think rock paper scissors solves everything, put this on your pro! if at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a 4 letter word, copy this on your pro! if you have your own little world, copy this on your pro! if your a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, put this on your pro! if you and your friends break out into song in a public area, copy this onto your profile If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. You know you live in 2013 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen-name or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did If you like pie, copy and paste this into your profile. If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. If you have ever started humming a song you don't know, copy this into your profile. 92 percent of American teens would die if Orlando Bloom told them it was uncool to breathe, copy this into your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing you butt off. If you don't watch Laguna Beach, The O.C. or The Hills, never have never will and proud of it copy this into your profile. If you have been on the computer for hours on end reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy this into your profile. (please define "died") If you have ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy this into your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you have been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile. "I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?" "Just because I have a short attention span doesn't - look !SHINY!" 98 of teenagers do drugs and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels. B - Babe I - In T - Total C - Control of H - Herself OR: B = Beautiful I = Intelligent T = Talented C = Charming H = Hell of a Woman OR: B = Beautiful I = Individual T = That C = Can H = Handle anything YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!) You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?') When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?') After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!) You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (once a key actually fell off!) Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. (copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions) If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head, copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun. Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls. The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Slinky Escalator = Endless fun EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? -- A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.' 'Dear, Dad. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Love, P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. Call when it is safe for me to come home... My name is Sarah I am but three My eyes are swollen I cannot see I must be stupid, I must be bad What else could have made My Daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me I can't speak a word I can't do a wrong Or else I am locked up All day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come I try to be nice Then I might get only One whipping tonight Don't make a sound I just heard a car My Daddy's back From Charlie's Bar I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself against the wall I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I start to cry He sees me weeping He shouts ugly words He says it's my fault That he suffer's at work He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more I finally get free And I run to the door He's already locked it I start to bawl He takes me and throws me, Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With bones nearly broken My Daddy continues With more bad words spoken "I'm sorry!" I scream But now it's much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate The hurt, the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! Finally he stops And heads for my door While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Sarah I am but three And tonight my Daddy Murdered me. Child Abuse, MAKE IT STOP! Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR!! 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, 2) STAND silent and motionless in the 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look 12) TRY to make personal calls on the 13) DRAW a little square on the floor 14) WHEN there's only one other person 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they 16) ASK if you can push the button for 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 How to Be Annoying: Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Drum on every available surface. Sing the Batman theme constantly. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home. Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. Set alarms for random times. Honk and wave to strangers. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. Tape pieces of "Play School" over climactic parts of rental movies. Borrow someone’s easer, then when they ask for it back, throw it across the room, making sure it misses them, and shout “You sure cant catch!!” In the middle of a long car trip, yell out, really loudly, “I need to pee’. To be even more annoying, do it just after you’ve left, or taken a pee break. When on a long road trip, say “are we there yet’ every five minutes. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (I should bloody well hope so!) Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop" (That means you, Hulk! Put that bloody aeroplane down, you might drop it!) Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Again, I should bloody well hope so!) Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances" (That's right, who doesn't use their dusters as kindling?) Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!) Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeh. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae) Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!) Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.) RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?) Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Shit. Sherlock) On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions-"Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food now?!) On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.) 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 15 THINGS TO DO AT WALL-MART: 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go" 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 Pick the month you were born: Pick the day (number) you were born on: Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: None--because I can't control myself! 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 RANDOM FUNNINESS! I couldn't fix your brakes so I made your horn louder I swear to drunk officer I'm not god! Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying ‘Man that was fun!! Let’s do it again!’ (I'll be that friend) One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you "What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" (Me: Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!) People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks. Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe. If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Anyone else seeing the irony in this? "Life is short" What? Name one thing you do that is longer than life. "Don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?" What is the point of having a cake if you can't eat it. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN" I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey! Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for throwing out the w's. I'm the kind of girl who gets drunk off soda and loves every minute of it. What the heck is gum made out of? HOW DOES IT DISOLVE! Jeez! I've tortured myself with this for weeks... 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 25 Reasons to Thank my Mother: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. Girls 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 Why America has some issues (One thing that America DIDN’T screw up-this list) 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 FRIENDS AND BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive. BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance. FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down. BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me. FRIENDS: Will ask if I’m crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will already be burying the loser who made me cry. (Alive or otherwise) FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the body. 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 40 Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts. 12 things you shouldn't say to a police officer 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas ) WHY DO BOYS FALL IN LOVE WITH GIRLS?? So sweet, please don't break! :) 1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo. 2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder. 3. How cute they look when they sleep. 4. The ease in which they fit into our arms . 5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world. 6. How cute they are when they eat. 7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while. 8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside. 9. The way they look good no matter what they wear. 10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on this earth. 11. How cute they are when they argue. 12. The way her hand always finds yours. 13. The way they smile. 14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight. 15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later... 16. The way that they kiss after you have had a fight. 17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you". 18. Actually...Just the way they kiss you... 19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry. 20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly. 21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt. 22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it). 23. The way they say "I miss you". 24. The way you miss them. 25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore... Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt. This chain started in 2002. It is a love chain letter. In an hour you are supposed to repost this. Now here comes the fun part. You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say "I love you," or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!! NOW THE CONSEQUENCES!! The consequences are: If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future relationships. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!! Congratulations!! You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the internet. Once you read this letter, you must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within the hour) post it with the title "why do boys fall in love with girls?" After you send it, make a wish and it will come TRUE Did you know? Before you go to sleep at night there is 1 person from the opposite rainbow, thinking of you, they want to kiss you, they want to be with you, they're always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night and they are longing to be with you. This is all true not fake. If you repost this on your page within 5 mins, that person who is longing to approach you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and kiss you but if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you out for 45 girl) am I pretty? |
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