Name: Do I even need to tell you?

Age: I don't really feel like telling you that.

Sex: Male.

Occupation: Student (Yay. No, really. Honest.) I can now add Part-time Fast Food Joint to this! Yay!

Likes: Writing. Reading. Thinking of fancy things to say to appear smart and witty. Arguing.

Dislikes: Sport. Being proven wrong. Politics.

Habits: Arguing over Politics. As much as I hate it, it's there, and it isn't going away. It's pretty easy for me to get into a (verbal) fight over it. Just mention the opposing party or criticize the PM and I'll start snapping.

Anything I missed...?

Rants

I rant quite a bit. This is just me putting it down for all to see(And boo and hiss at.)

Yaoi:I don't mind yaoi. What I don't like, is how much of it there is. Its almost impossible to find a fic where Naruto and Sasuke are the main characters and AREN'T GAY. As aforementioned, I don't mind yaoi. But I don't like having to plow through all of it to get at some of the better, actually-have-a-plot fic's. And don't even get me started on those lame little 'Oh I am so emotionally damaged, and heart-broken, who will ever heal this shallow heart of mine?' stories. Or I will tear out your spinal cord.

Communities: Nothing against Communities but... I just noticed how many are about the same subject. Do we really need like 200 Communities on pure SasuNaru? Or 100 on Nejiten? Its kinda hard to wade through them to get at some of the more original C2's. Mainly ones that aren't centered around a pairing.

NaruHina: I can't stand it. Its just, ugh. It's the ultimate story-killer for me. I'll read this interesting summary, a cool title, go 'Ooh, this looks great!' and the moment I learn it's NaruHina, I drop it. I don't touch it. I don't pick it up. I don't answer it's calls. (The only exception to this is People Lie) As to why I hate it, it's just incredibly unrealistic. Hinata doesn't really have feelings for Naruto. I compare it to Sakura's infatuation with Sasuke. They're in love with the image; Sakura loves the whole stereotypical 'dark and mysterious' guy, and Hinata has fallen for 'I'm incredibly obnoxious and over-confident'. It helps that I don't like Hinata.

To be honest, Hinata is like a person who tries to quit smoking. Only she wants to get stronger. Some people have the willpower, and some people don't. If you don't, shut up, go home, and wallow in your self-pity. If you do, good for you. Does Hinata have the willpower? No. I don't think she does. As to why the only exception is People Lie, it's because Hinata isn't weak willed and puny. And best of all, it didn't occur for some incredibly unlikely, and stupid reason. You know what I'm talking about.

Bad Summaries: You know those summaries, where they go 'Will she help him break out of his shell?', or 'Will they learn to love again?' or some cliché shit like that, and then, right after it, is the pairing. There goes the point of trying to find out. Then again, the moment you write those god damn fucking words, it's pretty much given that they end up together, and if they don't then a horde of angry fangirls (and god forbid, fanboys) will beat you to death with their plushies. For the love of god, do not write a summary like that, lest I tear out my own eyes with a monkey wrench.

'Romance' stories: Warning: This is NOT a generalization, so if I get hate mail, I'll start laughing. Hard. This ties in somewhat with Bad Summaries, but seriously people. I. Can't. Stand. Your. Lame. Half-assed. Attempts. At. 'Romance'. Vampire fics? Can't be Vampires without serious romance interests, because of all the 'necking'. Introvert? Of course some girl/guy is going to come along and break them out of their shell in a heart-meltingly romantical method. I hate that shit. The whole 'I feel so sorry for myself' or 'I don't love anyone or anyone', and BAM, somebody comes along and what do they do? THEY FALL IN LOVE! It's ridiculous people. Fucking Ridiculous.

Multiple Pairings: Now, this is something I hate very, very, very much. I'm talking about those silly little fangirls and fanboys who feel the urge to pair everyone off. Completely. Illogical. Don't give me that 'it's a fanfiction and so doesn't have to follow canon or even the rules of time and space, physics and just about everything else' bullshit. A good story has believable characters, and best of all, believable events given the universe's individual rules. People? People don't change. When someone reads a story, they are expecting people just like you and me. Sure, they think differently, act differently. But they act and think that way, in a perfectly logical manner. Gaara isn't crazy because he likes being crazy, it's because he was driven crazy. So, when you decide that every member of the Rookie Nine is incapable of finding love outside of the Rookie Nine, take a good hard look at your own high-school friends, because kick me if I'm wrong, but I doubt you all ended up in love with each other. At the very least, lasting love.

And now, we reach an even more illogical, and thrice as annoying concept in your silly little heads. Multiple Pairings, Yaoi style. Seriously people, I find the statistical odds are way too stacked against the notion that all major males in Naruto are gay. I mean really, what are the chances of the entire male Rookie Nine+Team Gai, AND the (male) Sand Siblings, AND the Konoha Jounin population plus Iruka, being gay. At best, 3 or four are a reasonable amount. 5 and 6 is stretching it a little, and anything beyond that is diving into the deep and foreboding sea of irrational reasoning.

Irrational Pairings: I'll forgive AU universes where the situation would actually permit it (Mainly ones where Ninja don't really exist and it's in our timeline or something along those lines), but in a relatively Canon universe, Gaara and Neji are not going to fall in love and start diving between the sheets. A) They are two complete iceblocks (well, Neji has thawed out in Shippuden, but Gaara is still kind of aloof), and no, that does not mean they are 'destined' or attracted to each other. If anything, it's the opposite. Iceblock and Iceblock tend to fight it out and see who's icier. And then, Shikamaru and Neji. Um, not even going to ask who came up with that silly idea. I'll file it away with Kiba/Lee (... Just no.), Kakashi/Iruka (If you're going to argue they both taught Naruto, then you might as well make it a threesome with Jiraiya and let's be honest; you won't), and ZabuHaku (... gouges out eyes with monkey wrench).

And then there's the long-standing belief being team-mates somehow makes people attracted to each other, despite their own personalities. Naruto and Sasuke? Probably not. I say probably, because Naruto is an attention-starved orphan who probably barely knows the difference between sexualities. Kiba and Shino? Hardly. Kiba and Naruto? The most likely of all Yaoi pairings really. Those two have a fair bit in common, both are rather boisterous and competitive, have their own distinctive feral qualities. And I do believe they are friends. Shikamaru is hardly gay (Mainly because his mother would nag him, really), Chouji is clearly uninterested in romance (At least, right now). Lee is too naive. Waaaay too naive. I won't say much for Gaara and Kankuro, as they hardly get any screentime, and Gaara is just about as attention starved as Naruto.

It'd be a bit unfair to Yaoi if I didn't rant about the hetero pairings so, I'll start with them. Shikamaru and Temari... They were seen walking together. Walking. Naruto insinuates something, and they deny it. Of course, denial is the first sign of guilt; coincidentally, it's also the first sign of innocence. Funny, that? LeeSaku? Somewhat reasonable. Lee is infatuated with Sakura, but he'd only have any real chances if he stopped wearing the spandex and the bowl cut. NejiTen? No comment really; not much to build it off Tenten gets barely any screentime or character development. ShikaIno? Shikamaru did say he was going to end up with a nagging wife, but does that mean it will be Ino? Not really, no. No offense, but she's not the only one who nags. Now, to break the hearts of many fangirls. ItaSaku is not plausible. Itachi is a well-intentioned nuke-nin who plays the part of a villain. When you actually think about it, he reminds me of Batman in The Dark Knight; takes the role of the villain so the people can be shielded from the harsh, harsh truth. He rarely has any contact with Sakura. And when he does, he generally insinuates he wants to hurt her or those she cares about. Not exactly a loving environment, now is it?

Deidara and Sakura... one of the weirdest pairings I have ever seen. Well, that and PeinSaku. There was a relatively reasonable DeiSaku story. Reasonable, in that it has a common convention, but an actually reasonable lead up until the romance. As for PeinSaku, I haven't even touched that. There is no reasonable justification. Pein is an egomaniacal psychopath with a god complex. Sakura may have fallen for an egomaniac, but he certainly wasn't that far in the deep end, now was he?

Kakashi bashing: Kakashi let Naruto down. That much is obvious. You know what I hate? The blatant, and obvious blowing out of proportion some authors do. Kakashi is not for some reason infatuated with the Uchiha. On one hand, he feels it his duty to Obito (obviously misguided), but in the Chunin Exam the need to train Sasuke over Naruto is apparent in their match-ups. If Naruto was facing Gaara, then I have little doubt Kakashi would be the one teaching Naruto. Think about it; Sasuke would've been pulped if Kakashi hadn't focused on him. What was he supposed to do? Let his student just get crushed to bloody sand? Afterwards, Naruto would probably end up facing Gaara, and I assume Kakashi would've assumed Naruto would be pulped as well. He probably thought that in the event that Naruto proceeded and he and Sasuke fought, then at the very least Naruto had a drastically lowered chance of dying. Then again, Sasuke probably would have done anything to win, something the Scarecrow might have missed. Kakashi, as a sensei needs to be aware of his students needs. And it is much better if some students lag behind a little then if one of them dies. And no, Kakashi wasn't holding Naruto back. Well, he was, but it was mainly because he was too lazy to teach them at all. He was holding back all three of them due to his laziness. Bad Sensei? Yeah, he needed a kick in the nuts to wake him up. Valley of the End was that kick, but it was too little, too late.

Favourite Anime/Manga:Naruto, Rurouni Kenshin, Bleach, Akumetsu, Liar Game, Kiseijuu(A.K.A, Parasyte) Jackals, Soul Eater, Fairy Tail, and Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

Favourite Book Series: Redwall... Come to think of it thats the only series I read... other than Blue series. Not sure if that's the name of the series though . But Ken Catran is an awesome author.

Favourite Books: Martin the Warrior(Redwall), The Sight, Stone and the Flute(Think that's what its called), Bloody Liggie and Blue Murder.

Favourite Pairings; Naruto: None. I read everything, and anything. Well, except maybe the stuff I rant about.

Redwall: Martin/Rose. Not many fic's on Redwall, so yeah.

Soul Eater: SoulxMaka.

Favourite Character's; Naruto: Naruto, Kakashi, Kiba, Kabuto (K,K,K! Okay, bad joke.), Madara.

Redwall: Matthias.

Bleach: Gin, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Zaraki and Kurotsuchi (Yes, the freaky professor guy)

Soul Eater: Dr. Stein (He reminds me of Kabuto so much), Soul, Death the Kid (SYMMETRIC!), Medusa, Ragnarok and that weird little demon in Soul's mind that keeps telling him to play the Piano.

Fairy Tail: Gray, Natsu, Erza, Lucy, Hoteye, Cobra and Jeral.

Katekyo Hitman Reborn: Byakuran, Mammon/Viper, Colonello, Yamamoto, the Varia, and Daisy. Daisy's awesome. Even if he/she is gender-ambigous.

Favourite Quotes:

"Killing is forbidden, so all murders are punished unless they are done to in large numbers, to the sound of trumpets." - Forgotten

"Death solves all problems. No man, no problem." Josef Stalin

"Speak softly, and carry a big stick. You'll go far." Theodore 'Teddy' Roosevelt

"Why is human life precious? Important? What makes it more important than the life of an animal's? Is it because we grieve for them? Mourn for them?" - I... forgot. Not entirely sure if the quote is accurate. Or whether it's just something I thought up .

"What makes killing so dangerous? Do you think it's because life is precious?"

"Yes."

"Wrong. Killing is so dangerous, because it's so easy." - Forgotten. I really don't remember where I heard these from.

"Insanity is contagious." - Dr. Stein, Soul Eater

"And I enjoyed kicking you kids around." Dr. Stein, Soul Eater

"God is dead!" - Friedrich Nietzche

Weekly Quote (It's special, yet not really weekly): "Put all of your eggs in one basket. And watch that basket." - Mark Twain (I love that guy.)

Story Stuff:

The Truth behind Tobi: To tell you the truth, I don't think I'll ever update... The whole Madara thing sapped the inspiration (Thanks Kishimoto...-sama.)

45 Tails rolled into Nine: Rewrite in progress. Expect severe character alterations and changes in plot direction. Working on the next Chapter, and I've also laid groundwork down for the sequel. I actually can't decide on what the sequel should be. It's going to be an Xover though. I apologise for not updating in a while, it's not abandoned or anything. I just procrastinate. Badly.

Mirrors:Bloodline!Naruto. Nobody took the time to study him; to take those precious few seconds required to see, to know. All it would take was a single second, to notice what was wrong. A single glance to see, that something was off. That it was impossible for Naruto to be reflected in those goggles... But nobody did. Nobody. Pondering whether to release; Chapter 1 completed.

Oneshots: I've recently started writing One-shots. Why? I really don't know. I just... do them. Most of them are probably going to be serious, and sort of Character Portrayals .

Mixed Thoughts: A collection of oneshots; to be honest, I made it simply for the sole purpose that my one-shot's get more attention. With a story that you update, it keeps repeating itself at the front of the list(At least, when you order by Update Date) and so, they get more publicity (Let's face it. All writers are publicity whores. Even more so then celebrities.) but I just realised that my dear old collection is getting less views than my oneshots, which completely defies it's purpose. God dammit.

List of oneshots in Mixed Thoughts: Narcissus - Everybody needs love. Even Jinchuuriki's. Without being loved, one cannot love, and if one cannot love, how can one survive?

Fallen - What goes up, must come down. He was always so upbeat, so happy. Nobody remembered that he would probably snap.

Flinch When You See Me - Poor naive little Naruto can't feel emotions, so he acts them out to seem normal.

Ideas:

Exiled Shinobi: Exile/AvernumXNaruto crossover. Set in Exile/Avernum 3. When Linda attempts to summon the Demon King, she gets Naruto instead. 'X' immediately takes interest, wondering how in the far reaches of Exile an accomplished mage (No matter how stupid/insane) such as Linda screwed up and brought a little kid.

Original Stories (Yes, I write those as well)/ Short Stories:

Storyteller: The basis of this collection of short stories, is a narrator figure recounting his past experiences; the narrator, just to be interesting, retells everything in twisted nursery rhyme form and, because I can, he is more than meets the eye.

1. Mary had Little Wolf 2k words.

2. Little Red Dying Hood 3k words.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall: Originally my english assignment, it's a nice story. Synopsis; Rathli suffers from Split Personality Disorder. Unfortunately, both of them are at each other's throats. 2k words.

Mind over Matter: The sequel to Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. One of them, (the loser of the great end-battle), is left to wander the mind. As it turns out, the two of them have been fractured into much smaller pieces, who are all vying for kingship (And thus, the right to live.) Probably going to be around 20-30k words. Yes, it's pretty long compared to my other works.

Like a Human Being: A rich, young aristocrat laments over the folly of his broken, deceased family in angsty style. Now with 20pc more suicide.

He who is never There, but always Here: The long-winded title happens to the name of the main character, as I have not actually given him a real, proper name. A short story, kept down to size so I can send it off to a Writing Competition at a moment's notice (They have incredibly restrictive Word limits. 500 is puny! PUNY!), and the basic synopsis is this; Purgatory, or Limbo, is nothing but endless white sand. In order to reach the Afterlife, you must spend a predetermined amount of time there, which of course, was determined by the ruling Deity whoever that is. One man, will never reach the Afterlife, will never get There. He has known Purgatory for more than a thousand years, and takes to filling everyone else in in his now twisted way. Essentially, he stops calling them Limbo and Afterlife, and refers to them as 'Here' and 'There' respectively. This, of course, leads to some confusing phrases. Quote: “Here is Here, but never There. You are not There yet, and so, you are Here.” End Quote, or even better! "How can you be lost when you are Here? To be lost, one must not know where one is. As long as one knows one is Here, one cannot be lost." It has now been offered to be published, although I lost the consent form (Whacks self). The results will be published on the 15th as to whether I won anything or not.

Artwork: I can't draw for shit, but I did think of a pretty hilarious image; it's far too short for a one-shot, and much more suited for an image. I call it... 'Back-seat Living'. Essentially, the theme is, Shukaku keeps telling Gaara how to live his life in the same manner one would someone else where to go from the back-seat of a car. "That looks like a nice person to kill! Oh, let's go get some udon! You never splash as much blood anymore!", and as the cherry on top, a large tic on poor Gaara's eyebrow.

Other stuff/Long-winded theories and speeches.

Uchiha Madara - He, has to be one of the most fascinating characters in the Narutoverse. When he was talking to Sasuke, rather than trying to sway him (like Orochimaru did), he merely asked what he felt about it, and what he would do. Heck, he asked him if he was sure he wanted to destroy Konoha! Now, that makes him pretty interesting in my books. No real concrete stuff about his motives, or his plans (although destroying Konoha is a very likely possibility. cough Kyuubi cough) and we haven't even seen his god damn face. We've seen his eye though. Part of me still thinks that the Tobito theory is plausible. I mean, the guy isn't necessarily Uchiha Madara. My memory may be a tad bit fuzzy, but when the first link between Tobi and Madara was made, Tobi claimed that he would soon gain the powers of Uchiha Madara, before correcting himself, calling them his own. Itachi seems to believe that Tobi is Madara, and all Sasuke really has to go on is their word.

So, yeah, Uchiha Madara. Interesting guy.

Narutoverse(Canon) - I admire the way Kishimoto does things in the Narutoverse. With the exception of the Sasuke vs Itachi battle, he has managed to keep it from going stale. Too much at least. It's also the only Manga/Anime I'm aware of, that has a habit of killing the main characters aside from Death Note, and Parasyte. Now, Death Note and Parasyte had a clear reason for killing them off; they were going to end far shorter than a manga like Naruto (if it does end). But, I doubt the manga will end in the near future, so killing off fairly popular characters Jiraiya, Itachi(admit it, you love him), and possibly Kakashi is pretty bold of him. And admirable. He doesn't discriminate, he kills off both friends and foes. Plus, a recent cover for the manga displays the Nine Jinchuuriki in all their glory. A fascinating bunch, and I hope they are explored, rather then left as things for the Fandom to play around with. God knows I already started. Right, I now amend this. The series is almost certainly coming to a close (You try extending it) so, this point is now moot.

CrazyNaruto/WeirdNaruto - I like this kind of portrayal, of this weird, fucked up, insane and most often psychotic Naruto. I like the way it feels, and the way it goes, and how erratic he seems; as an example, 'He Had No Fingers' is a pretty odd and somewhat creepy characterisation, but I find it fascinating and a great read. I really want to add more, but I can't think of anything else to really say. If you write something similar to this, then send me a link - I love these things.

Perverted Sensei's - Has anyone else realized that all of Naruto's teachers and prominent (male) figures in his life are all perverts? And even more interesting, is that the pervertedness is directly proportional to the order which Naruto meets them. Iruka is a slight pervert (Oiroke no Jutsu proves that just about every man is a pervert at heart), as is Sandaime; Kakashi is a step up, as he openly reads porn and gives the occasional perverted giggle. And Jiraiya is pretty much the Pervert King. Then there is Ebisu, who is somewhat of a pervert (a closet one though), and he kind of fits in somewhere between Sandaime and Kakashi. He does temporarily teach Naruto, but Naruto met him before Ebisu taught him, so the order still stands. The only exception to this so far is Yamato, who is somewhat incapable of really understanding romance and love. Seriously, he spent most of his time in ANBU, and that isn't healthy.

Soul Eater Pairings - I've noticed that there is actually quite a bit of possible 'behind the scenes' romance going on. A most common example has to be SteinxMedusa; After Asura is revived, and the whole insanity takes place, there is the repeated apperance of what appears to be Medusa whenever Stein is alone. Hallucination or not, it does hint at something. Then, there is SteinxMarie; the happy-go-lucky Death Scythe, and the sadistic, crazy stitched up Professor. There was a past romance, and there appear to by some dying embers (On Marie's side at least). Then, we come to SoulxMaka. Maka was the only person to have heard Soul play the Piano before he used it for the Team Soul Resonance, and as a Technician and Weapon pair, they've probably grown pretty close.

GirikoxJustin - Above, in my rants section, you may notice that I find most yaoi pairings illogical. GirikoxJustin, was one of them. They had fought. Sure, they talked, but thats all they did. That wasn't much grounds for romance, so I tend to sneer at the pairing. Fans and shippers, I now eat my words. I apologize. As it seems they do actually know each other, in some sort of Super Best Friends Team of Evilness. Watching their fight again, it's possible to see some hidden meanings behind their words.

The Real Six Funeral Wreathes - Is it me, or has anyone noticed that the missing seventh member appears to be in the same situation as Rokudo Mukoro? By situation, I mean the whole imprisonment thing. In other news, Daisy is kind of strange. Byakuran must really love the synchronisation thing because I have to wonder, where the hell does he find these people? A corpse that lives to kill, a man that speaks only the truth, a girl that can turn herself into water, a guy that takes baths in lava, and an effeminate pretty-boy that could kick your ass six-ways to Sunday. Seriously. Where the crap do those people even come from?

No speculation, I was mostly right. Except Zakuro.

Fairy Tail Pairings - What goes for Soul Eater Pairings, goes for Fairy Tail, almost doubly. For example, when Natsu get's motion sickness, Erza lets him rest his head on her lap. Not only that, but she also remarked that she, Natsu, and Gray used to shower together when they were kids.

Original Characters- I really love writing. Even if it is only fanfiction, I can still test myself. In a fanfiction, I get to do it differently from ordinary writing; here, I look at a set of predefined rules and events and think "How can I create something out of this, and what, if any, must I alter?"I know most people don't like OC's, but I find them a fun exercise in writing. You devise a name, their abilities, what they came from, what they did, and so can be amazed at the things you can create and the unique powers they have. You have to balance them in accordance of the antagonists and the general power distribution in the universe or, if you're lazy or just can't be bothered, completely alter the distribution to even it out.

NOTE:

I'm not dead. As I mention frequently, I procrastinate. Very much so. I have, however, made my own little commitment to finishing 45 Tails Rolled into Nine, mostly as a way of proving to myself that yes, I can finish a project. I've already planned out the characters, and thrown canon out the window (ruin my fun will you, Kishimoto?), so it'll be labeled as Heavy AU.

To that end, after rereading it, I've realised... My writing sucked, at least, the first few chapters did. The rest is a bit iffy. So I'm rewriting it. Again. Seriously. I'm embarassed to say that was my work.

So, in summary, it will be rewritten, chopped, changed, and probably a whole lot longer, as my writing style has refined greatly.