ATTENTION ALL READERS!!!!

V.F.I.: NEW POLL FOR LEGACY OF SLAUGHTER! VOTE IF YOU GIVE A DAMN!!

Name: MechaUltimaZero a.k.a. Meta-Z a.k.a. MYOB

Age: pick a number between 0-99. You lose.

Nationality: Good ol' U.S. of A.

Other: I've been here long enough that I'm officially a beta now. I MIGHT accept requests, depending on what they are. But because my life has no order to it, you probably shouldn't bother.

Oh well, I suppose I should tell anyone interested a little about myself:

Favorite movies/tv shows: Highlander, Star Wars, Star Trek, Godzilla (all of 'em), Eagle Eye, Transformers, Get Smart (the original series) and others.

Favorite manga/anime: (formerly) Naruto, Claymore, FullMetal Alchemist, (formerly) InuYasha, MAR, Rurouni Kenshin, Buso Renkin, Shaman King, Black Cat, Code Geass, CardCaptor Sakura, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and Gurren Lagann.

Favorite games: Kingdom Hearts series, Final Fantasy series, Ratchet and Clank series, Folklore, Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (both of 'em), X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Jak and Daxter, Devil May Cry 4, Assassin's Creed II, Prototype, inFAMOUS, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness.

Favorite books/comic books: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Eragon (but the movie sucks more than I can tell you), Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, the Elric of Melnibone stories by Michael Moorcock, and a number of other things.

Book favorite characters:

(LOTR) Aragorn/Strider

(Harry Potter series) Luna, Sirius

(Inheritance Cycle) Eragon Shadeslayer, Arya, Angela, Elva

(Michael Moorcock's Elric Saga and other stories of the Multiverse) Jerry Cornelius, Zenith the Albino, and of course, Elric of Melnibone himself

Favorite movie/game/tv characters:

(Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy) Cloud Strife, Yuffie Kisaragi, Vincent Valentine, Rinoa, Tidus, Auron, Rikku, Sora, Roxas, Namine, Terra (BBS), Aqua (BBS), Xion, Vanitas, Lingering Sentiment, Marluxia, Larxene.

(Ratchet and Clank) the titular characters, of course

(Folklore) Ellen, Suzette

(Highlander) Methos and Amanda, with Duncan MacLeod in a close third

(Godzilla) Zilla, Kiryu (a.k.a. Mechagodzilla III), Mothra, and King Ghidorah

(Get Smart) Agent #99, of course, and Maxwell Smart

(Soul Calibur series) Nightmare, Siegfried, Tira, Cassandra, and Algol

(DMC4) Dante, Nero, Lady

(Assassin's Creed series) Ezio, Altair

(Prototype/inFAMOUS) Alex Mercer, Cole MacGrath

Comic book favorite characters:

(heroes) Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, Silver Surfer, Iron Man, Luke Cage, the Hulk, Deadpool, Green Lantern, and the Flash

(villains) Carnage, Doctor Doom

Manga/anime favorite characters:

(Naruto) Naruto, Anko, Kisame, Obito, Rin, Yakumo, Konan

(Claymore) Clare, Miria, Helen, Jean, Clarice (even though I've only read her wikia page), Teresa, human!Priscilla, and borderline Riful. Definitely Isley, as well.

(MAR) Ginta, Snow, and Alan

(FMA) Lt. Riza Hawkeye, Ed Elric, Sheska, Greed II,

(Buso Renkin) Kazuki, Tokiko, Captain Bravo, and Washio

(Rurouni Kenshin) Kenshin, Misao Makimachi, and Aoshi Shinomori, borderline Sanosuke and Yahiko.

(Shaman King) Yoh, Anna, Tao Jun/June, Faust VIII (pure badass, I tell you!), Tao Ren

(Bleach) Ichigo, Rukia, Byakuya, Neliel

(One Piece) Luffy, Nami, Najiko (Nami's sister), Zolo, Kuina, Franky, Robin

Black Cat: Eve, Kyoko, Sven Volfied, Train Heartnet

Things I hate with a passion beyond all logic or reason: Sarah Palin, yaoi, anything that dares to contradict high school biology class (you know what it is I'm talking about) and above all else, Jack Black. Yes, you heard right: I HATE JACK BLACK.

Favorite Quotes:

"There are three kinds of crazy people in the world: 1) celebrities, 2) girls, and 3) me. I'm worse than the other two put together." -Myself

"The world is a dangerous place; not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." -a poster at home

"HULK SMASH!!" -the Hulk

"What the flying fuck?!" -too many people to count

"All the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' I'll look down and whisper, 'No.'" -Rorschach

"Next time, I want to fight someone who doesn't smell like old cheese." -Spider-Man in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance

"I'm the best at what I do." -Wolverine

"Did you say something?" -Kakashi

"We are the Borg. Lower your shields and prepare to be assimilated. Your biological and technological capabilities will be added to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours. Resistance... is futile." -the Borg

"There are those who want it to happen... There are those who wish it to happen... And there are those who tear down the walls of resistance and make it happen!" -another poster at home

"Men die. Monsters die. Animals die. Trash simply gets taken out." -me paraphrasing something Rorschach said

"A murder in the village of the dead? Someone tell me this is a joke..." Keats, from 'Folkore'

One more thing, while I'm here: I can't guarantee specifics per story, but once I get going, I'll try to get at least one new chapter or story every month or so. Major writer's block on the front, seems like losing battle.

Favorite pairings:

Naruto

Naruto/Anko

Naruto/Temari

Naruto/Sakura

Naruto/Tayuya

Naruto/Yakumo (don't ask why, I don't know either)

Naruto/Kurenai (again, don't ask why)

Naruto/Hinata (but only if it's well-written and not completely sappy)

FullMetal Alchemist

Ed/Riza (not sure why, but I just like it)

Ed/Sheska (just because)

Ed/Winry (one of the only canon pairings for any manga that I really like)

Buso Renkin

Kazuki/Tokiko (it's simply awesome, and both of them are incredibly badass in their own way)

Kazuki/Victoria (don't know if anyone's written it yet, but I plan to find out - and if not, they should! Because it seems INTERESTING, damn it!)

Bleach

Ichigo/Neliel

Ichigo/Rukia

Ichigo/Orihime

Shaman King

Yoh/Anna

Yoh/June (would be interesting, but need more of it to judge)

Yoh/Pirka (Would also be interesting, but I haven't read any of it -- yet. For those who don't know/remember, Pirka is Horohoro's younger sister)

Claymore

BEAR IN MIND THAT A GOOD 90-SOMETHING % OF THE CHARACTERS ARE FEMALE, SO MOST PAIRINGS WILL BE YURI.

Priscilla/Raki (for some reason, this makes more sense to me than Clare/Raki does)

Clare/Teresa (depending entirely on how it's written)

Clare/Jean (In the anime, it seems rather borderline on this pairing, especially during and after "Carnage in the North" Arc.)

Clare/Helen (On some days, I really wouldn't be surprised if Helen started spilling her guts out to Clare)

Clare/Clarice (I'm pretty damned sure that nobody's written one yet, but I think it would be interesting)

One Piece

Luffy/Robin

Luffy/Nami (because the protagonist should always get the girl, and Sanji's not cool enough)

Zolo/Kuina (just because)

Zolo/Tashigi (see above)

MAR

Ginta/Snow (Ginta/Koyuki -- pretty much because his only other realistic pairing option is...)

Ginta/Dorothy (this just cries out to me as funny)

Black Cat

Train/Eve

Train/Rinslet (plan to investigate)

Sven/Rinslet (plan to investigate)

Train/Kyoko (funny, but need more of it)

Fire Emblem series:

7:

Eliwood/Lyn

Hector/Lyn

8:

Ephraim/Myrrh

Gerik/Marisa (funny as hell)

Eirika/Lyon

I would say Ephraim/L'Arachel... but in a lot of ways, it's just too ridiculous.

Final Fantasy series:

7 (compilation):

Cloud/Tifa

Cloud/Yuffie (semi-crack, but funny as hell)

Cloud/Aerith (barely, Cloud/Tifa is so much better)

Vincent/Lucrecia

Vincent/Yuffie

Vincent/Shelke (hey, it's plausible)

Vincent/Tifa

Zack/Cissnei

Zack/Aerith (Zack can keep her, Cloud has friggin' TIFA AND YUFFIE!)

8:

Squall/Rinoa

10:

Tidus/Rikku

Tidus/Lulu (would be funny, I think, but there aren't enough fics out there to judge it. Yes, that's a CHALLENGE to YOU!)

Tidus/Yuna (but less so than the above)

12:

Ashe/Vaan

Penelo/Vaan

Golden Sun

Isaac/Mia

Isaac/Jenna

Felix/Mia (maybe)

Ivan/Jenna (haven't read any, but plan to look into it)

In this section, I'll possibly respond to reviews, as well as (of course) put out notes I think are important.

First off, I'm a little annoyed that people have put stories on alert or favorite lists, and yet haven't the decency to review. You think my stories are good enough for you to alert/favorite? You'd better fucking explain why. If you like something I do in a story, you have to tell me what it is so I can do so more often. Conversely, if you completely hate something I've done in one of my stories, then by all means, DON'T FUCKING HESITATE TO TELL ME ABOUT IT! You don't even have to sign in--I've enabled Anonymous Reviewing!

Oh, and if you can, you should vote in my poll at the top of the page, as I check it regularly (at least four or five times a day, on average) and IT MAKES A FUCKING DIFFERENCE!!

Whew... now that I have that out of the way, you can likely expect more stories and/or chapters in the coming week.

THE ABOVE STATEMENT IS A LIE!! They happen when they happen.

ATTENTION:

One my stories, "The Modern League", is hereby discontinued, because I no longer have any interest in it. If you are a fan of this story and would like to adopt it, I will consider anyone who comes forward as long as they can obey these rules for doing so: 1) You maintain the cast. That means that the League still consists of Methos, Dante, Rorschach, Selene, and Hellboy, and Nick Fury (classic Marvel, NOT Ultimates!!!!) has to be the "mission control"-type character. Whether you use Maxwell Smart (Get Smart) or L (Death Note) is up to you, but if you pick 86, then use the old television version, NOT the recent movie. If you pick L, use the anime/manga version, not the movies. 2) If you take this up, I expect spelling and grammar AT LEAST as good as my story "Black Death". 3) How you mesh it is up to you, but you need to be at least able to keep all League members in character, so I expect you to be knowledgeable about each of their original franchises.

Zero's Challenge!

I've done fairly well with DR's Manhunter Challenge and Mercer's Progeny Challenge, so I'm making a few of my own!

(First Challenge)

Title: Shinobi Creed

Summary: Naruto is raised and trained by a master Assassin. While unskilled in most ninja arts, he's definitely got the stealth part down -- let's see how this turns out. Naruto/Assassin's Creed crossover.

Pairing: Doesn't matter, so long as it takes more than six chapters to develop and Naruto's girlfriend is NOT a konoha genin (Hinata, Sakura, Ino, or Tenten). Anything else goes, as long as it is STRAIGHT.

Rules: 1) Naruto must be OOC, you can base him off of his teacher -- which must be either Altair or Ezio, your choice. 2) Cannot be the cliche "Naruto was getting mobbed when this random dude kicked all their asses in 2.3 seconds and offered to train the kid for reasons we can't possibly fathom". Must be something else, ex. "Naruto ran away, but someone caught him and gave him the means to stay alive". 3) Naruto must be a) wholly UNABLE TO USE CHAKRA, or b) UNABLE TO USE CHAKRA for jutsu, just augmenting his limbs. Remember, he was trained by an Assassin WITHOUT chakra for a good seven years or so.

(Second Challenge)

Title: Spider-Lantern

Summary: Spider-Man found a Green Lantern power ring on Battleworld, not the Venom symbiote. Now, observe the Butterfly Effect. Comic-verse (or the 94-98 cartoon-verse).

Pairing: Gwen Stacy.

Rules: 1) since he didn't get the Venom symbiote, then Venom, Carnage, Hybrid, Toxin, etc. CAN'T EXIST IN THIS STORY. Eddie Brock getting a Yellow or Red Lantern ring, however, is fair game as long as you can rationalize it well enough. 2) Spider-Man does NOT EVER encounter an Oan (Guardian), so he has to discover the properties of the ring through accident and experimentation. 3) When Green Goblin throws Gwen Stacy off the Brooklyn Bridge, Spider-Man is successful in saving her life thanks to the GL power ring (the exact means is up to you). Yes, this means that the Secret War has to happen BEFORE the battle at the Brooklyn Bridge (or George Washington Bridge, as pointed out by a friend).

Please note that ALL challenges require very good spelling and grammar, or your entries aren't valid. The winner will get a special influence over one of my stories of their choice IF IT'S WITHIN REASON!! Having said that, get typin'!

Random Character Fic List/Quiz

I saw Darek Metaltron doing this, so I'm doing the same for the hell of it.

List 12 people from any fandom. If it's twelve random characters you want, then I shall provide. A few from many of the fandoms I enjoy.

1. Vincent Valentine

2. Lois Lane

3. Sakura Kinomoto/Sakura Avalon

4. The Joker

5. Weiss the Immaculate

6. Shalua Rui

7. Xion (Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days)

8. Squall Leonhart

9. Edea Kramer

10. Wade Wilson/Deadpool

11. Captain Bravo (Buso Renkin)

12. Kenshin Himura

Yes, they're random. I don't think I could've come up with a list like this even if I tried. Las preguntas proximas...

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Shalua Rui and Captain Bravo. I can say with absolute certainty that I haven't, but who knows? Depending on the author, I might actually try this pairing. There are far worse and more implausible things I've heard of, after all.

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

The Joker? Hell no! He's a psychopathic mass-murdering clown!! I'm a MAN who very firmly likes WOMEN!! Particularly those with scientific tendencies, don't know why... Anyway, the lady would have to have a clown fetish and/or be a serious masochist before the Joker had any luck at all. Especially if we're talking about the Heath Ledger version...

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?...

The Hitokiri Battosai, Kenshin Himura, impregnating the elite SeeD Squall Leonhart... Thankfully, my mind is incapable of picturing such images, or else I'd be making a run on the brain bleach. Kenshin would repeatedly get his ass handed to him when he tried explaining it to Kaoru, and Squall would likely go where no Squall Incarnation has ever gone before (that I know of) -- he'd probably either kill himself, or else get whatever the hell passes for an abortion in his case and then, in an attempt to make sure he's straight, nail Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie, Ellone, Xu, and Edea... all at the same time.

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Remember a fanfic about Edea... actually, yes, two or three come to mind. I'm too lazy to provide any links, though.

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Lois Lane and Shalua Rui tying the knot. My first though is, "What the hell?" But after thinking about it, given how well Lois tolerates Superman's bullshit (like saving the world at unholy hours of the morning, etc.), I'm pretty sure that she'd find Shalua to be a (arguably) better mate by comparison... even though they're both smokin' hot chicks. Canonically, I know that Lois is straight, but Shalua's sexuality has -- to my knowledge -- never been brought up in canon, so... And on that note, considering how good Lois is at finding information, she'd help Shalua tarck down her sister eariler, which would be a plus. Is it a good couple? It could be, but very difficult to write convincingly.

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

Weiss the Immaculate with Edea Kramer or Deadpool?! No contest, Weiss/Edea. At least they're both from Final Fantasy games, Edea's not a man, so we don't have the man-on-man issue, which (while I have nothing against such people in real life) I try to aviod if at all possible in the realm of fanfiction. Also, I suppose it would work much better with Sorceress Edea (while under Ultimecia's possesion) than Edea Kramer as herself, since then they'd both be psychopaths.

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

Xion walking in on Lois Lane and Kenshin Himura getting it on... Like Shalua/Captain Bravo, this is a relatively reasonable pairing attempt. Kenshin would likely over-apologize, depending on how much Lois had him "distracted" (read: how into it they are), Lois might not notice -- hell, maybe even invite Xion, while the XIVth member of Organization XIII would blush heavily and either faint or run away, slamming the door shut, and make a break for the brain bleach.

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Deadpool and Card Captor Sakura? Good god, I don't know if that's going to be embarassing, hilarious, or both.

Title: Card Mercenaries

Summary: One of the Clow Cards REALLY doesn't want to be captured, so she essentially kidnapped Deadpool as a means of defense. To ensnare the errant Card, 4th grader Sakura Kinomoto must somehow convince the Merc With the Mouth to help her out. Sakura's POV, Cardcaptors/Deadpool X-over, manga universe, pre-"Master of the Clow" arc.

This... actually has some potential, now that I think about it.

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Vincent Valentine and Squall Leonhart... as much as I hate to admit/think about it, there probably is. The less said about the subject, the better. Nevermind the fact that, chronologically speaking, Vincent is in his sixties while Squall's still a teenager...

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Xion and Kenshin having issues... given how popular Rurouni Kenshin and Kingdom Hearts are, this could already exist, but I somehow doubt it.

Title: Wandering Souls

Summary: Kenshin Himura's a rurouni, a travelling samurai with no real destination. Xion's an outcast, even among those who she thought would understand her most: she though she was a Nobody, but she's not even that. He was an infamous assassin, whose sword bathed in the blood of countless enemies. She contributed to the slaughter of countless innocents. Both are tortured by their own consciences. Who's best equipped to help the other cope? Xion/Kenshin, KH/RK X-over, extreme AU for Kingdom Hearts.

11. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

Lois Lane, the Joker, and Weiss the Immaculate White King? I sincerely doubt it. Joker and Wiess could be a very devastating duo, though, and if Lois were sent to report on them, then maybe... But a three-way relationship of any sort here is just too implausible for serious consideration. Weiss/Harley Quinn, though, that would be marginally more realistic.

12. What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?

Deadpool: "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! ERECTILE DISFUNCTION!! DIE DIE DIE!!! Hang on a sec, lemme reload... Where was I? Oh yeah, now I remember! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!"

Or something to that effect.

13. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Vincent Valentine/Shalua Rui/Kenshin Himura: Warning: contains scientific terms straight out of Harvard, more angst than you can shake a sakabato at, and a helluva lot of gunfire. Demons abound!

14. What might be a good pick up line for Ten to use on Two?

Deadpool on Lois Lane? In the Amalgam Universe, that could almost be reasonable. And isn't Lois getting a major workout right about now?

Deadpool: "Hey chickie, you can interview me whenever you want. I'd just love to give you as many "close-ups" as you like!!"

It would be something to that effect, I fear.

15. What is Six's super secret kink?

Shalua's super secret kink... Prosthetic limbs, it must be. And there are so many things that are just wrong with that...

16. Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?

Captain Bravo banging away at Edea? ... Again, a very interesting idea that I never would've come up with if left to my own devices. Hrm... With Edea as the Sorceress, certainly not, considering how much Bravo "dislikes evil and tears". As Edea Kramer, the matron of an orphanage, however... if Bravo's nailing anyone, then it's probably her. Granted, if Bravo were hammered heavily enough, could probably do Edea no matter what. And let's face it, even though she's married to Cid, I'm pretty sure she'd go it with Bravo any day of the week, and all day long on the weekends.

17. "(1) and (9) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3). " What title would you give this fic?

"Vincent Valentine and Edea Kramer are in a happy relationship until Edea runs off with the Joker. Vincent, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with captain Bravo and a brief unhappy affair with Kenshin Himura, then follows the wise advice of Weiss the Immaculate and finds true love with Sakura Kinomoto."

Title: A Love Story That Is Fucked Up Beyond Comprehension. Or, Where's the Brain Bleach?!

18. If Three and Seven get together, who tops?

EDIT: Now that I understand what "tops" is in reference to, they'd probably switch places. Sakura naturally, because of her personality, but she'd let Xion on top sometimes as some kind of trust/confidence building... thingy.

19. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Weiss the Immaculate? To be honest, I haven't. Ever. I've been meaning to, but simply never got around to it. That, and most of the choices here are rather disturbing.

20. How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?

Xion/Squall? Given that Squall actually does exist in the Kingdom Hearts universe (albeit as Leon), this actually could be plausible. My only qualm is that they'd have to rewrite Days and Kingdom Hearts II for it to work, there'd be more plotholes than you can shake a Keyblade at (or a gunblade, for that matter), and if they didn't do the rewrites I'm talking about, then Days would become incredibly more angsty, especially since Squall would be forced to forget about the love of his life. Talk about harsh, evil, cruel, mean, and viscious writers...

If you read all of that, you're entitled to a cracker. I'm not generous enough to say you deserve a cookie. You want to feel that good, then go read Darek Metaltron's version. If you want to make your own list and give me a message to check it out, then I won't stand in your way.

ATTENTION: ALL OF MY NARUTO FICS ARE HEREBY DEAD. As in, they're deader than disco. I'm not currently working on them, I won't soon be working on them, they're not getting an update. I'm sorry, but I'm just not into Naruto anymore, and it's kind of hard to write for something I just no longer care about.