Ok, so I know most people use this space to tell you something about themselves, but I'm really not that interesting.

Ok, so what do you need to know?

Well... the poll will be taken down once 50 people have taken part.

I will endeavour to reply to all reviews I receive. If I leave a review, it will not be "Great! Please Update" or anything along those lines. (Check out "Reviews with Meaning" on the Communities section!)

I write poetry. It is occasionally found on my livejournal account, which you can find by following my homepage link. There are also a lot of rants, so be warned.

I do not like flames. If anyone flames me, I will post said flame on here, along with my reply. I will also post it on livejournal, in the next chapter of the story it was sent to, and anywhere else I can think of. If it is anonymous, my wrath will be even worse. I will try my hardest to completely humiliate you and point out what a small minded bigot you are.

And so, here's a rather nasty review that I was sent by “Don't give a fuck” and, below that, my reply.

"YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON I'VE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASE TO READ FROM! LIKE KILL

JOY MUCH! HATE U!"

"OK, first off, the name. If you actually “Don’t give a f*ck” then why did you bother to review? I have to admit, it doesn’t make much sense. Secondly, what was the point of the F word? I mean, seriously? Was that necessary? We’ve already been over the fact that it was clearly not true, so couldn’t you have used a word that wasn’t a swear word to say it? I personally am of the opinion that if you use swear words all the time, they sort of lose their impact, you know? If you were trying to offend me by using it, it failed epically, by the way, I just think it’s rather pathetic.

Secondly, let’s address you’re blatant abuse of capital letters. I’ll assume that you aren’t a complete moron (although, frankly, I’m having my doubts) and assume that you realise that what you’ve done here is put emphasis on every word. What you obviously don’t realise, is that putting emphasis on every word is essentially putting emphasis on none. You’ve robbed your point of all intonation. You do realise that only about 10% of what we mean is actually the words, right? And that’s all I have here: words.

Next, let’s look at grammar. You have nice, simple sentences. I like it. It means I don’t have to wade through placing punctuation to actually make sense of it. And, of course, the fact that it’s all in capitals means that you didn’t have to worry about capitalising the first letter of every sentence, or the I’s. Well done, that was actually rather smart, assuming of course that you don’t trust yourself to remember those rather basic rules. But anyway, I really don’t need to tell you what you’ve done right, I’m sure you’re busy congratulating yourself on it already, so let’s move on.

Displease is a verb. In the context, I think you meant displeasure, which is a noun, but apart from that, the sentence actually has all the necessary parts, congratulations. Unfortunately… given the other two sentences, I’m inclined to think that this was a fluke, rather than any modicum of education on your part. Neither has a subject, and while like is technically a verb, I’m pretty sure you weren’t using it in that format. (If you were, in fact, trying to say that you like kill-joys, you should in fact have used a lot, rather than much. I just thought I’d cover all of my bases, here.) Finally, on the grammar front, at least, U is not a word. It is a letter. The pronoun has three of these. I’m so sorry that you’re education was so lacking that you cannot even spell such a basic word correctly. Just so you know, it’s spelt Y-O-U.

Now, finally, let’s move onto the content. You do realise the purpose of a review, right? Sorry, how silly of me. It’s blatantly obvious that you don’t, so I’ll explain it to you. Sometimes, it’s to give a potential reader, or viewer, listener or consumer, depending on the medium being reviewed, a general idea about whether or not they would enjoy it. However, in this case, it is customarily used to give feedback, on the work, to the author, something you have utterly failed to do. It is also considered polite to give constructive criticism when you don’t like something. I won’t even bother trying to explain the reasons behind that to you, as it would no doubt just be a waste of both my time and yours.

You claim that you hate me. You don’t. You can’t hate me for the simple fact that you’ve never met me. You seem to be making a rather basic assumption that my writing and I are one and the same. We’re really not. It’s rather hard for a human being to just be a story, you must realise. Given this, I will assume that you’re trying to say I’m the worst author you’ve ever read. This might be true, in which case you’re very lucky because I am a good writer. The majority of my reviewers think so and I would rather take their opinion over someone who can’t even write nineteen words without a multitude of mistakes. I guess I can take solace in the fact that no matter how bad I am, I can safely assume that you will always be worse.

And kudos on the cowardice. Not even brave enough to give me the opportunity to reply."

Reasonable, sensible, logical comments and opinions of my story are, however, welcomed with open arms, even if you just tell me you hate it, I won't mind as long as you tell me how to improve. My aim is to one day be a published author. Anything that makes me a better writer I will love you for.

I won't say anything behind your back. I won't need to. I'll say it to your face instead. I'm not always the most... tactful of people. In general, it's not in the desire to hurt you though. I've always wished I could trust everyone to let me know exactly what they think of me and what I'm doing. I simply wish to give others that same respect, you know? But yeah, this is a warning, not an excuse, so I'll stop here.

Now, my stories... Wow. It's been a while since I updated this, huh? Sorry about that!

I write for multiple fandoms, but have only posted for Alex Rider.

Apart from this, I have stories half-written/planned for Merlin, Harry Potter (which will hopefully never see the light of day), The Wheel of Time and A Song of Ice and Fire.

There are, unfortunately, far too many to write here. I have a list saved on my computer and I swear it grows everyday!

I will, however, tell you that the two "Current" stories of mine (ie one's I write regularly or am posting) are as follows:

From Failing Hands: The whole of England thinks that Alex Rider has been dead for two years, but when World War Three breaks out, he is the only one that can save them. With a price still on his head, will Alex try to keep his secret, or will he return for one last mission? This hasn't been updated since October. Oops. Sorry about that. I am working on it, and I do have the plot worked out in my head, it's just proving difficult to get down in words. Give me time, it'll be up soon!

Pro Patria Mori: Alex was sick of being used and threatened and blackmailed and so fourteen year old Alex Rider became sixteen year old John Sanders. And now he's joined the SAS. Will he be able to keep his secret? Or will MI6 find him? Have almost finished writing this. Will probably start posting it when it's finished, or when I've finished posting Shadow of a Doubt - whichever comes last. Only one or two chapters left to write!

And... other stories in the works, though I doubt you'll see them for a while...

Ring of Rumours / Rumours of Rehab: The rumours say he is a druggy, a freak. They say he’s in therapy. They say he’s a dealer. Their wrong, but when Alex’s new mission involves him becoming just that, will Alex be able to keep his cover and his reality separate? Or is this mission just too close to home? / He's done it all - everything they asked of him. But there is no happily ever after for Alex. Still stuck with his unwanted guardian, Alex finds things going from bad to worse as he tries to sort his life out.

Retribution / Reincarnation / Redemption: Sequel to Past of Shadows/Shadow of a Doubt. Plot sorted, summary decidedly not.

Child's Play: Alex Rider has always been good at playing games, but this time the stakes are higher than ever before, and he doesn't know the rules...

No Good Deed: Alex left MI6 over a year ago, but he should have known it wouldn't be that easy. Now his wife and child have been kidnapped, and he will do anything to get them back.

Where Angels Fear to Tread:(ARxHP) Four years late, Alex has discovered an entirely new world that could well be his ticket away from MI6. It’s a shame that nothing is ever that simple, especially not at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. For those who are interested, see the poll at the top of my profile to have your say in which house Alex is in!

Justice Notwithstanding: Alex thought he would be able to enjoy the holiday season, but fate had other ideas. A harmless trip abroad has serious consequences in store for him. After all... no good deed goes unpunished. SEQUEL to Dangerous

The Future is a Foreign Land/Sins of the Father: Ian loves his nephew and so he is understandably upset when someone tries to kill him. But that is just the start. There was a good reason why two Riders have never been on a mission together, Ian and Alex are about to find out why. / Alex should have known that nuclear explosions and time-travel devices wouldn't mix. Really, it's the only logical explanation for why he is staring up into the crystal blue eyes of a nineteen year old Yassen Gregorovich.

*NEW* Untitled (suggestions welcome!): The doctor's insist that there's no one there but he can feel their eyes watching him, constantly. They say he's paranoid, but Alex knows better. After all, it isn't paranoia when someone really is out to get you... ( I might merge this with Child's Play... not sure... Which summary do you prefer?)

Answer all your questions? If not, just PM me. I'm happy to chat!