Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in
America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

IF YOU WANT BELLA TO BE A VAMPIRE COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE

IF YOU THROW A FIT WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THE TWILIGHT CHARACTERS AREN'T REAL COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE

IF YOU HAVE EVER TRIPPED OVER AIR AND EXPECTED EDWARD TO CATCH YOU COPY THIS ON YOUR PROFILE

IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A EDWARD CULLEN OUT THERE FOR YOU COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE

IF YOU ARE ADDICTED TO VAMPIRES AND WANT TO BE ONE COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE

IF YOU ARE SO OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY EVEN MORE COPY THIS ONTO YOUR

If you've ever fallen asleep at 2 am while reading Twilight, New Moon or Eclipse copy this onto your profile

If you haven't died yet copy this onto your profile

If you get good grades and still don't know anything at all copy this onto your profile

If you have a true friend copy this onto your profile

If when you hear thunder you think it's vampires playing baseball copy this onto your profile

If you constantly need a new bookshelf in your room copy this onto your profile

If you have an insane friend copy this onto your profile

If you've ever argued with yourself and lost copy this onto your profile

If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless copy this onto your profile

98 of teens would scream if they saw the Jonas Brothers on a roof top. Post this if you aree part of the 2 that would shout JUMP!!

Month one:
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two:
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three:
You know what Mommy: I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four:
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five:
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six:
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop! I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven:
Mommy, I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Reasons why Hermione and Ron DON'T belong together:

10.) Because Hermione called Harry, "fanciable", which points to a certain possibility that she fancies him. (And she's never even called Ron at least good-looking.)

9.) Because Hermione has more in common with Harry's mom than Ginny. (This is pointed to the H/G theory that Harry went after Ginny because she was like his mother. This is a rebut to that theory. In reality, the only thing Ginny has in common with Lily Evans is the red hair. Ginny was never the top of her class, and she isn't Muggleborn. And, seeing as Hermione has BOTH of those attributes, she is actually closer to Harry's mum than Ginny will ever be.)

8.) Because bickering and fighting can't be taken as "sexual tension" in the real world.

7.) Because Harry looks a lot better than Ron. CLEARLY. (Both on the books and the movies. Goodness...)

6.) Because Hermione's rarely ignored Harry. (How many times have we seen "...said Hermione, ignoring Ron," in the books?! And I've never seen "...said Hermione, ignoring Harry".)

5.) Because in , there are more H/Hr pictures on both the pages of Harry and Hermione.

4.) Because of the fact that they fight doesn't make them, "opposites"; therefore, the "opposites attract" theory can go flush itself down the toilet for immense idiocy. (They have more in common than you think. After all, they both belong to the same house. I'm certain Ron couldn't fit into Slytherin. And they both care a great deal about Harry. Hermione, more, of course.)

3.) Because Hermione and Harry have more moments in the books and movies than with she and Ron. (Haven't you noticed how she only touches Ron when Harry's in trouble or in the middle of depressing scenes?)

2.) Because Hermione clearly prefers hugging Harry. (Has she ever hugged Ron? No. In fact, she KISSED HARRY BEFORE RON.)

AND LASTLY:

1.) Because HERMIONE POTTER sounds so much better than Hermione Weasley.

Pass this on if you believe in reading between the lines!

92 percent of teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you have ever spelled your own name wrong, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like to copy and paste, copy and paste this to your profile

If you don't wanna be popular or cool, just unique, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love making fun of commercials on TV, copy and paste this to your profile.

Sicence prvoes taht eevn wehn the wrods are srcabmled up you can sitll raed tihs. Cpoy tihs itno yuor porfile if you can raed tihs!

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this onto your profile

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you steal the sugar in Home Ec. and start eating if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

A true friend is someone who will try to answer the "eraser bits" question and have a long conversation about it. A friend is someone who won’t say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing just to help you cry. A friend is someone who will do what is best for you, even when you don't want them to intervene for your personal safety. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this in your profile. (MATTIE!!)

If you have WAY too much time on your hands and your on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have an exceedingly long profile because of copy/paste items, copy this into your profile to make it even longer.

If you are the complete opposite of normal, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love Harry Potter more than the stupid people who only watch the movies because they think Daniel Radcliffe is hot, you should know what to do with this.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason put this on your profile.

If you have had a ‘Blonde Moment’ copy this into your profile

If you don’t care that watching cartoons is considered immature, copy this into your profile.

(I made this one up!) If you've ever ran into a "Do Not Enter" sign, copy this into your profile. (I have, with my face. Hightlight of that year! Haha.)

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought?...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On NytolSleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)’ from the profile of Nocturna Princess