I am indeed of the fairer sex.

Bryce Courtenay's Matthew Flinder's Cat was and is my primary inspiration for Drugged, and everybody should go read it because it is amazing.

I have a sneaking suspicion nobody actually reads these, and it's far too tempting to say something outrageous and/or generally offensive just to make sure.

Disclaimers

Danger, do not walk on ceiling. Add ice for cold drink. May contain traces of nuts. Not a registered trademark. Enter at your own risk. Dry clean only. Users may risk serious injury or death. Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth. Do not use while sleeping or unconscious. Caution, contents may be hot. Do not use while operating heavy machinery. Do not open until 6 o'clock. Beware of dog. Avoid contact with skin. Batteries not included. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental, unless otherwise specified. Break glass in case of emergency. Apply only to affected area. Calorie measurements are estimates only - individual weight loss may vary. Do not read while operating machinery of any kind. May be harmful if swallowed. Local restrictions may apply. Must be 18 years of age or older to be an adult. No cash value. Correspondence can and will be entered into. No lifeguard on duty. Your call is very important to us. Void where prohibited. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. You need to be at least this tall to ride. Use only as directed. Read at your own risk. Store in the cold section of the refrigerator. Pre-1650 garb required by all participants. Keep off the grass. Do not turn upside down. See bottom of package for expiry date and product number. Shin pads do not protect any part of the body they do not cover. This way up. Use with adequate ventilation. Should you need legal advice, please consult your lawyer. Slippery when wet. Smoking may be hazardous to your health. Use under adult supervision. Live, except on West Coast. Keep out of reach of children and teenagers. Knives are sharp. Left-handed people excluded. If condition persists, consult your physician. Height restrictions apply. Not for use on animals. Harmful if swallowed. For indoor or outdoor use only. Dry clean only. Employees and their families are not eligible. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Current at time of printing. Enter at your own risk. Lift flap to open. Like any driving directions/map you should always do a reality check and make sure the roads still exist. May irritate eyes. Colours may fade. Not responsible for acts of God. Above terms subject to change without notice. This supersedes any previous disclaimer.

Update May 2013

I've temporarily given up on Drugged until I can sort out where I want it to go. I'm sure I'll get back to it eventually. Meanwhile, I'd like to give Ode To a Toad a go (seriously, if anyone can think of a better title, please PM me) - I can see the endpoint, I just need to get there.

I got the disclaimers from the internet. Many sources.