Kodochi Kurokami
 Author has written 7 stories for Fairy Tail, Bleach, and Fruits Basket. Hi! Age: 13 Gender: Female Zodiac Sign: Pisces Personality: Calm, quiet, shy, tomboy, like Erza if you make me angry(their words, not mine), weird(I admit it), introverted, severely pessimistic(depressing, basically) Hobbies: Reading, writing, reading manga, watching anime, drawing, staying locked up in my room. Appearance: Hair to below my but, golden blond, covers my eyes almost completly. Eyes are blue and grey(mix), 5'10(still growing;P) pale skin from lack of sunlight (and happiness). Apparently that makes me a vampire... bwahaha, hear me roar. (sarcasm, fyi) Favourite Colour: Black (I'M NOT AN EMO!... sort of) ;P Anime: Fairy Tail, Bleach, Rurouni Kenshin, Fushigi Yuugi, Gakuen Alice, Fruits Basket, Kurokami, Blue Exorcist, Onegai Teacher, Kamisama Hajimemashita, Heaven's Lost Property, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Loveless, Kyo Kara Maoh, Negima!, Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Vampire Knight, Vampire Knight Guilty, Ikki Tousen, Now and Then and Here and There, Okami-san and her Seven Companions, Ah! My Goddess, Manga/Manhwa: 1/2 Prince, KamiKama Kaeshi, Miunohru to Swan, Fruits Basket, Gakuen Alice, Kurokami, Kamisama Hajimemashita, Love in the Mask, Loveless, Fairy Tail, Bleach, Negima!, Fullmetal Alchemist, (more but i can't be bothered) Studio Ghibli (deserves it's own section): Howl's Moving Castle, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Laputa Castle in the Sky, Kiki's Flying Delivery Service, Ocean Waves, Whisper of the Heart, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, The Cat Returns, Tales from the Earthsea, Arriety, Anime Movies: The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Perfect Blue, etc. Likes: I LOVE HORROR MOVIES, I like reading, I like singing and playing piano, I like watching TV, I like Tumblr(everyday im Tumblr-ing) ;P Dislikes: I HATE SPICY FOOD, I dislike crappy novels, I dislike sports, I dislike watching sports on TV and old people murder mysteries(Miss Marple). DIE JUSTIN BIEBER!!! I CAN'T STAND PROCEDURAL COP SHOWS! "I MEAN, WE GET IT! THE PEADOPHILE DID IT! CAN WE MOVE ON?!" is pretty much what I yell when ever someone brings one up _ Random Facts: I have insectophobia. I am especially terrified of MOTHS! I JUST CAN'T HANDLE THEM! Butterflies are okay though... Check this out...I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile Girls Copy and paste this on your profile please! I am blind so can't see, I am deaf so can't hear and I am mute so can't speak, But I can still make magic, 1) I need to tell you a secret. go to 5 2) the answer is... go to 11 3) don't get angry. go to 15 4) calm down don't get frustrated. go to 13 5) first go to 2 6) don't be angry just go to 12 7) I just wanted to say hi 8) what I wanted to tell you is...is on 14 9) Be patient and go to 4 10) this is the last time I'm going to send you to a number. go to 7 11) I hope ur not annoyed when I say this...but go to 6 12) sorry out of order. go to 8 13) don't get mad just yet...go to 10 14) I don't know how to say this but... go to 3 15) You must be really bored so go to 9 COPY AND PASTE If YOU Found That Funny Friends FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter A girl and guy were speeding over 100 M.P.H. on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug. Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was, that halfway down the road, the guy realized his brake wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love. P.S. - This has been converted into a NaLu story... and i think i cried reading this... Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life Girl runs away in shock and pain and Boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. This is super sweet. Really... If you read it and think that it's sweet, copy and paste it into your profile! I wish -sniff- someone would -sniff- do this -sob- for me! -sob- 37 Things to do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5. Meow occasionally. 6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly. 7. Say "DING!" at each floor. 8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons. 9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. 16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 21. Swat at flies that don't exist. 22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it. 23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off. 24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. 25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently. 28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it. 29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..." 30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't. 31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer. 32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting. 33. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 34. Tell people that you can see their aura. 35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..." 10 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity. 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy and paste this to your profile. If several inanimate objects just seem to hate you (STUPID LOCKER!) copy and paste this to your profile. If you think having wings would be one of the COOLEST THINGS EVER, copy this to your profile. If you are anti kikyoXinuyasha fan and wish kikyo would just die already... copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever seen a movie, TV show, etc. so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are obsessed with Fan-fiction copy this into your profile. If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. Sicence prvoes taht eevn wehn the wrods are srcabmled up you can sitl raed tihs. Cpoy and Psate tihs itno yuor porflie if you can raed tihs. If you want world peace, a brighter future, and more chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have strange dreams that never, ever make any sense whatsoever, put this into your profile. If you like stuff that everybody else hates and don't care who thinks you suck because of it, copy this into your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... 95 of teens would panic if Edward Cullen was on a 250 foot building about to jump. Copy this if you are one of the 5 who would bring popcorn, a chair, and shout "DO A FLIP!" If you have ever just wanted to slap someone, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever pushed on a door marked pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen down the stairs, copy and paste this to your profile. If you think that life without computers is worthless, copy this to your profile. If your profile is WAAAAAYYYY too long, copy this into your profile and proceed to brag about how long your profile is. If you hate MTV and are proud of it, copy this into your profile. If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile. If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. I'm bored... If your bored, then copy and paste this to your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this to your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are the kind of person that gets excited when you get like 2 reviews, copy and paste this to your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. When you argue with yourself and LOSE is when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile. If you ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one to your profile. If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile. If you should actually be doing homework right now, copy this to your profile. 95 of teenagers are concerned with being popular. If you are part of the 5 that aren't, copy this into your profile If you love these copy and paste things, even though they aren't that cool to begin with, copy this into your profile. If you have too many of these copy-and-paste things in your profile and don't care who dislikes it, copy this into your profile. If you're quiet a lot but you're ALSO really loud, copy this into your profile. 95% of the teenage female population would cry if Robert Patterson or Justin Bieber jumped off a building and killed himself. If you are the 5% that would grab a chair, some popcorn, and watch him do it, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think Edward Cullen is nothing more than a gay sparkly vampire, copy and paste this onto your profile. If the angel of music sings song in your head, copy and paste this to you profile ;D If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. If you need help because you are copying and pasting like there's no tomorrow, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you’re a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile. (for the record, i like black and i box. well) If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile! If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.If you ask stupid questions just to annoy other people, copy this into your profile 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?” copy this into your profile. If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile If you are in la la land most of the time copy this onto your profile. If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile. Chocolate is YUMMY! If you are a chocoholic, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever read past two in the morning, re post this in your profile. If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile. If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly planning world domination (you're all welcome to join me by the way) copy and paste this to your profile. If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile If you support inuyashaXkagome...copy and place this onto your profile Girl Comebacks! Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together. Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Man: It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out. Man: I know how to please a woman. Man: I want to give myself to you. Man: May I see you pretty soon? Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Man: You look like a dream. Man: I can tell that you want me. Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign? Man: I'd go through anything for you. Man: May I have the last dance? Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Man: So you wanna go back to my place? Girls, copy and paste this on your profile! FRIENDS Lend you their umbrella BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!' FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and GRAMS, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME" FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore. FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through school/college. BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will help you when you're lost BEST FRIENDS: Will be giving you bad directions and screwing with your compass FRIENDS: Will go with you to a concert BEST FRIENDS: Will be helping you kidnap the band FRIENDS: Will hide you from the cops BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they are after you FRIENDS: Will buy you a pregnancy test BEST FRIENDS: Will be standing outside the bathroom door screaming, "Name it after me!" FRIENDS: Find your Prince Charming BEST FRIENDS: Find him, kidnap him and then bring him to you FRIENDS: Will pick you up when you fall down BEST FRIENDS: Will pick you up, then trip you again FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then return it BEST FRIENDS: Have had your stuff for so long they've forgotten it's yours FRIENDS: Will leave when they feel insulted BEST FRIENDS: Will forgive you even if you don't know what you said wrong FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying BEST FRIENDS: Will cry with you and then go beat up the sorry loser who made you cry FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin' DAMN we really messed up FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you when it's that time of the month BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste that kind of shit!" FRIENDS: Will be crying at your funeral BEST FRIENDS: Will be sitting in jail for killing the guy who murdered you FRIENDS: Will help you move a body BEST FRIENDS: Will say "call me when you need a shovel." FRIENDS: Try to help you when you get hurt BEST FRIENDS: Sit there laughing their ass of saying, "Dude, you're an idiot!" FRIENDS: Ask why your crying BEST FRIENDS: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap! FRIENDS: Will ask you where is everything in your kitchen BEST FRIENDS: Know your kitchen better then they know the one at their parents house. FRIENDS: Ask before they go into your room BEST FRIENDS: Randomly start cleaning up, because they know where everything goes FRIENDS: Will say sorry and hide when someone close gets kidnapped by a monster BEST FRIENDS: Say, " I got 6 pounds of explosives in my backpack... Let's find this thing and blow it to shit!" When you explain your predicament FRIENDS: Laugh with you and say "Nice Job" when you have to dance in front of the class BEST FRIENDS: Laugh, and never let you forget it. FRIENDS: Never borrow money... BEST FRIENDS: Borrow $20 and then say "What money? YOU owe ME." FRIENDS: Will give you your phone back BEST FRIEND: Will steal your phone, tie your shoes together, and videotape the result. 95% of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5% that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and yell "DO A FLIP!!! If Justin Bieber shaved his head bald, 95% of girls would cry. Copy and paste this if you are the 5% running up and down the street screaming YES!!!!!!!!!!!! 98% of Girls would cry if Justin Bieber dissapeared off the face of the Earth. Post this on your page if you are one of the 2% that would run around the house screaming: "Yay! I'll never have to hear his irritating voice ever again!" 98% of the girls in the world would die if Robert Pattinson was kidnapped. 1.9% of them would be laughing their socks off. 0.1% of them would be snickering and poking their new hostage with a stick. I would be in the 0.1% category! 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others. 90 percent of teens would have a breakdown if Miley Cyrus was standing on the edge of a 6 story building. Copy and paste this if you'd be one of the 10 percent yelling jump bitch! You see a kid abusing a puppy with a baseball bat. 97% of people would yell "STOP!" 2% of them would cheer, 1% of them would take the baseball bat and hit the kid then take the puppy to the Vet. Post this on you profile if you are that 1%... It isn't my fault that that boy died! I swear i wasn't trying to break his neck with the bat! Some people say they are big readers. That they're so into books it's not funny. However the only way to tell is if they 1) Suddenly gasp when something exciting happens in the book. 2) Start talking to the book because that's not how they want the book to go. 3) Hurl the book across the room when one of their favorite characters dies. 4) When you find out when the next book is coming out, you pre-order it... Even if the release date is next year. Copy and paste this if you are one of these people I do all four... 1) "When nothing in your life goes right...go left."Anonymous 2) “Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect-- But tell me the truth.”Shel Silverstein 3) "Don’t tell me to shoot for the stars, when there are footprints on the moon."I Have No Idea 4) "FanFiction.net is like a cooler facebook, where nerds actually think."My New Favorite Person 5) "Violence is not the answer: it is a question and the answer is yes."-someone or other 6) "You want evil? Hey Satan!" I turn around, "What?" "Nothing I just wanted to prove a point!" 7) "You will learn more about me, quicker, if you ask "What is NOT wrong with you?"" - me 8) "Oh... You don't know what anime/manga is? Go away." - again me YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN AUTHOR IF... you talk to yourself alot. (alot meaning all the time...) - I really should stop freaking people out with my constant muttering about murdering someone... Oh well! you talk to yourself about talking to yourself when you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else after uttering a profound piece of wisdom, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "wow,this stuff is awesome for sugar highs..." you live off of sugar and caffeine. (the two greatest things ever discovered!) - One iced caramel machiato with two % skim milk to go please... Size XL you'll check your e-mail every day of the week then disapear of the face of the earth. when replying to a e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it you tend to collect bic stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground. no matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper - They are in my hand... Even when I sleep... (Seriously, I fall asleep writing and wake up with a pencil in one hand, and my notebook in the other) the letters on your keyboard are wearing off - I don't have letters on my keybord for what? Two years now? your freinds and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome people think you have A.D.D. you think it would be cool to have A.D.D. you constantly start talking in third person, past or present tense - Hmm... Kodochi has to agree with that... you start thinking about making lists like this and start giggiling for no 'apparent' reason your freinds stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago - Long ago for me is the second hour of our acquaintanceship FEBRUARY:(THAT'S ME!!! :D) Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Things to Remember at Hogwarts 1. I will stop referring to showering as “Giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful” 2. Polishing my wand is acceptable in the common room. “Polishing my wand” is not. 3. If a classmate falls asleep in the common room, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm 4. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money making concept. 5. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms” 6. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil or piranha. 7. I do not weigh the same as a duck. 8. Remus Lupin does not wear a flea collar. 9. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 10. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda. 11. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be. 12. I will not impersonate the Emeril in Potions class 13. Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform. 14. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library. 15. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want. 16. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The force” 17. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists 18. If asked in class in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It does DEATH!!” may be correct but it is not the matter in which one should answer. 19. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for an indefinite time period” amusing in any sense. 20. A time turner is not a time capacitator, and therefore I should not install one in any muggle cars. 21. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors 22. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer then 15 seconds I am to assume I am not allowed to use it. 23. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order just to see what happens 24. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts; A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins. 25. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball 26. I will not cast the occasional Obliviate charm on Dumbledore even if it would be amusing. 27. I will not lock Gryffindors and Slytheryns in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals. I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytheryn quidditch matches. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination does not count as extra credit. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy. I will not charm the suits of armor to sing “Knights of the Round Table” at the Christmas feast. I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand I will not dress as Voldemort for Halloween I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. I will not sing “we’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the headmasters office. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then students yell Ni from various directions. "At the age of thirteen, we are no longer juvenile delinquets, we become ADOLESCENT delinquets." - Mucho thank you to Tuatuara. "If Math is mathematical, and quizzes are quizical, what are tests?" - Again that is from Tuatuara peoples. "I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator." -Twilight "The one thing worse than a boy that hates you: a boy that loves you." -The Book Thief "Oh, come on, Arthur." "I don't want to hear it, Andy." "Jesus Christ." "He doesn't want to hear it either." -The Book Thief "So much good, so much evil. Just add water." -The Book Thief "Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." - EdwardAddict "I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just one of her friends."- Nudge -Maximum Ride: SOF "And when we blow ourselves up, I'll be safe in my padded room and warm in my pretty white jacket." - EdwardAddict (That descrbes me perfectly!) "Sigh. You know you're about to have a bad day when you get your chip stuck in your salsa." EdwardAddict again "Well someone has to stand up for all the dorks out there." EdwardAddict ('tis true) "Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." that wasn't me. i do say that alot however. EdwardAddict "Everyone knows the best way to convince someone you're not lying to them, is to tell them you are." - Shawn Spencer says it in the TV show Psych. "If you can do something with your eyes closed, it's time to find something new" - reader's digest! "My poodle's stuck in a heater vent." -who's line is it anyway. "A synonym is just a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of" -reader's digest "I don't lie. I fib in big portions." – CrimsonScarz "Perfect men are only fictional." "Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you're a mile away, and have their shoes." -quote page. It is also on a shirt. "Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within" quote page "My knight in shining armor turned out to be just a loser in aluminum foil" –A certain persons sister "When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you"- same sister... "You don't die of a broken heart...you only wish you did"-same sister... "Friends are Gods way of apologizing to us for our families"- quote page. " "HOLY SNOWMAN SHITTING SKITTLES ITS FANGS GHOST!! AHH!! HES COME BACK TO HAUNT US!!” - spoken by Gazzy in on of Lucky-Me-1993's stories. “Max has gone insane! This cant be happening!! Why?” - spoken by Angel in the same story . "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more"- same sister "Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."-same sister "Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit."- same sister "On my arms are scars; those scars bear silent screams for help; those scars bear beloved poems of heart break; those scars bear your name, over and over again with a broken heart beside it"- same Let’s just not right away state that we are living in sin.”- CrimsonScarz My life has gone from bad, to worse, to a little bit better, then it just fell off the damn cliff. – Same CrimsonScarz “I’m pregnant not dieing.”- See above! "Listen to the beaker, it will speak to you," "Then again... maybe we won't screen it tonight," Roger Davis "HEY GET BACK HERE WITH THAT STAPLER! SANTA WON'T GET ME A NEW ONE UNTIL CHRISTMAS!" "You know what? Go play in traffic!" "You don't have to be very ninja like to trip her." You kids and your crazy axes and fancy guillotines. RANDOM THINGS: All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies-Willy Wonka Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again. Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. Don't frown, even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile. Education is important, school however, is another matter. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Come join the dark side - we have cookies! I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird? My favorite word is sarcasm. There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day. Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Boys that make you cry aren't worth crying over; boys that are worth crying over won't make you cry. Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Life was so simple when boys had cooties I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! I ran with scissors, and lived! Thanks Stephenie now I will NEVER get a man. "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton I hear voices, and they don't like you. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems. You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on. It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken. (i m part brunette:D) Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Granny, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!" FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying BEST FRIENDS: Already has the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!" FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kicks his ass FRIENDS: Bail you outta jail BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you in the process FRIENDS: Will be embarassed when all goes silent and you start to sing the song that has been stuck in your head for days BEST FRIENDS: Will be singing along with you FRIENDS: Tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping with you FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick BEST FRIENDS: Are there when you're sitting in a bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the Hell out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you FRIENDS: Will tell you they know how you feel BEST FRIENDS: Will sit down and cry with you FRIENDS: Ask nicely for your stuff BEST FRIENDS: Just shout "GIMME" FRIENDS: Wait to call you at a reasonable hour BEST FRIENDS: Will call you at two in the freaking morning FRIENDS: Won't let you do stupid things BEST FRIENDS: won't let you do stupid things 'alone'. «FRIENDS: Will take you to buy a pregnancy test «BEST FRIENDS: Will stand right next to you screaming "NAME IT AFTER ME!" FRIENDS: Will buy you lunch BEST FRIENDS: Will eat yours FRIENDS: will come and ask you to get a drink with her if some strange boy grabs you on the dance floor and you need an 'out'. BEST FRIENDS: Will push herself in between you and the punk, wrap her arms around you, and say. "I'm sorry she's here with me, find your own date." FRIENDS: Will not try anything that will embarass you while near your crush. BEST FRIENDS: Will cackle evily and try to push you 'by accident' into him while standing next to him. Here are some sayings that I love: “I have a life, I just choose not to use it.” “Kill your enemies. Kill your friends’ enemies. Kill your friends.” “I’m a pyrotechnition. If you see me running, try to keep up.” “You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder!” “Last night I was looking up at the stars wondering… WHERE THE HECK IS MY CEILING?” “Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?” “Violence is always the answer, and if it’s not solving all of your problems, you simpy aren’t using enough of it.” “Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!” “Education is important, school however, is another matter.” “Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon.” “You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?” “Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?” “We are not retreating… we are advancing in another direction.” “I’m right ninety-seven percent of the time. Who cares about the other four percent?” “They say ‘Guns don't kill people, people kill people.’ Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Thatdepends on whether you’re in a nursing home or not.” “If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” “Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!” “If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.” “Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door…” “If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.” “Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.” “Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.” “Always forgive your enemies--Nothing annoys them more.” “Don’t mess with me; I've got a stick.” “There are three kinds of people in the world; people who can count; and people who can’t.” “Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.” “I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.” “I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.” “You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.” “Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.” “When life throws you lemons, cut ’em open and squirt the juice in its eye.” When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.” “When life throws you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.” “When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 2 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them." “I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.” “Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.” "Never say 'Things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge." "The light at the end of the tunnel is the train coming." "Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head." "I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over her again." “Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss." “Taste the rainbow--eat CRAYONS!!!" "The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45." "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you’ve been good this year… he died laughing." "Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls." (this is true for me…) "If you wish on a falling star it might come true...unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth...then no wishes come true...unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth." “Me, Myself, and I are fighting. I got mad at Myself, and Me got mad at I so now Me, Myself and I are sitting it opposite of my brain. Please help me.” “There’s a dark cloud over my head, so I’m praying; ‘Lord, please don’t send lightning.’" “It’s not dead till you poke it with a stick.” “Fire is a good servant, but a terrible master.” “There are too many wishes, and not enough stars.” “Dude. Calm down. It’s gym class.” “Either snow it up for a snow day or don’t snow at all!” “Facebook is like a refrigerator. You check it when you’re bored but nothing ever changes.” Gotta go. I’m not really going anywhere, but neither is this conversation.” “I cry, I feel better. Then I remember why I’m crying and cry harder.” “I do know, I just don’t feel like telling you!” “RIP: Spongebob, who died in the oil spill caused by BP.” “Stop drop and roll doesn’t work in hell.” “Santa Claus is a creeper. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, he comes down your chimney in the middle of the night with a giant sack of toys--see what I mean?” “I have six locks on my door. Whenever I go out I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they’re always locking three.” “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” “It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.” “He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.” “When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.” “A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now.” “Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.” “I learned law so well. The day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” “Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.” “Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.” “If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?” “The worst thing about loving you was watching you love someone else.” “It takes a couple seconds to say ‘Hello’, but forever to say ‘Goodbye’.” “If you're going through hell, keep going.” “I wanna be just like Barbie; that bitch has everything!” “You can’t spell slaughter without laughter.” “To the world, you are one person. But to one person, you are the world.” “Would you like a side of epic with that fail?” “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” “Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.” “When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.” “There are worse things than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?” “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” “There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.” “The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” “Knowing is half the battle. The other half is punching someone in the face.” “I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.” “I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” “Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.” “Some say the glass is half empty; some say the glass is half full. I say, “are you gonna drink that?” “All people have the right to stupidity. Some abuse the privilege.” “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?” “They say no one is perfect. Well, I’m no one.” “Do not drink and drive--you might spill the drink.” “When life gives you lemons say “screw you” and go find an orange.” “Never argue with an idiot. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” “A word to the wide isn’t necessary--it’s the stupid people that need the advice.” “Alright everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, that way, when you yell, the name will carry.” “Between two evils, I always pick the one I haven’t tried before.” “Cross country skiing is great if you have a small counrty.” “Never forget Mother’s Day, or as they call it in beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.” “Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” “Get your facts straight, then distort them as you please.” “Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?” “How many people have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” “I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” “I knew I was an unwanted baby when my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” “I wear a necklace ‘cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.” “I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started with twenty-eight years ago.” "I don’t care what you say about pedophiles, at least they drive slow in school zones." "I don’t forgive people because im weak. I forgive people because I’m strong enought to realize that everyone makes mistakes." "By the power vested in me, I now pronouce you deleted and blocked! You may now kiss my ass!" "If Barbie’s not a slut… then why do we have to buy her boyfriends?" "If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question." "You think I’m screwed up? You should meet the rest of my family!" "The shit you heard about me might be real… Then again it might be as fake as the bitch who told you." "Money can’t buy you happiness, but somehow crying in a Porche is a lot more comforting than crying on a bicycle." "Forgive your enemy, but remember the fucker’s name." "Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you next time he is in trouble." “Alchohol doesn’t solve any problems, but neither does milk." "Three out of two people have trouble with fractions." "He said… 'Why do you wear a bra? You have nothing to put in it.' She said… 'You wear pants, don’t you?' " "Best friends. We’re the kind of people who laugh at a joke three times. The first time, when it’s told. The second, when someone explains it. The third, five minutes later when we actually get it." "Pain doesn’t hurt when it’s all you’ve ever felt." "We’re not sarcastic - We’re hilarious. We’re not annoying - We’re just cooler than you. We’re not mean - We just don’t like you. And we’re not obsessed - We’re just best friends." "I’ll always be beside you, until the very end, wiping all your tears away, and being your best friend. I’ll smile when you smile and feel all the pain you do, and if you cry a single tear, I promise I’ll cry too." "When people you don’t even know hate on you, you know you’re the shit!" "Friends help you with your crack addiction. Best friends are the ones who sold it to you." "I would just like to let everyone know that I am a girl, and I like ribbons in my hair, and I wanna kiss all the boys." -Griff RvB "Got acne? Just ask your girlfriend what to do. Oh, that’s right! You don’t have a girlfriend!" "We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police." "The world is going to hell, and I am driving the bus." "I’d kill for a Nobel Prize!" "Three a.m. phone call. 'Hey are you sleeping…?' '“No. I’m skydiving.' " "Butt jiggle is just my way of waving good-bye." "I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug." "If you can’t convince them, confuse them." "If Google didn’t exsist, we’d all be screwed." "I survived Y2K, Bird Flu, Mad Cow Disease, 9/11, and Swine Flu. 2012, bring it on!" "Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you are in prison." "If you had a broken heart, you’d be dead. So shut up." "They keep saying the right person will come along… I think a truck hit mine!" "We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be NEW friends!" "The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns left." "Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home." "Having children is hereditary. If your parents never had children, odds are you won’t either." "Remember. There’s no I in ‘Team.’ (But there is an M and an E)" "A classic is a book that is much praised, but rarely read." "My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." "We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." "If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining." "If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments." "How is it one careless match to start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?" "Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." "I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you." "I saw a woman wearing a shirt that said 'Guess' on it… so I said 'Implants?' " "Crowded elevators smell different to midgets." "The main reason Santa’s so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." "It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end." "My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too." "I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die." "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I’m going to mop the floor with you’re face.' I said, 'You’ll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.' " "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?" "After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF!" "What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time…' A southern fairytale begins 'Ya’ll ain’t gonna believe this shit…' " "Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator." "Déjà vu - When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends." "Life’s a bitch, ‘cause if it was a slut, it’d be easy." "You know, they gotta luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like 'Fuck it - just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport.' " "Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends." "There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch fire to learn that it’s hot." "What if there were no hypothetical questions?" "Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?" "Only in America… Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters." "They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken." "People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened." "What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon." "A friend is someone who will help you move. A BEST friend is someone who will help you move a dead body." "How do you get a sweet, little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet, little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!" "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals." "Don’t piss me off! I’m running outta places to hide the bodies!" "I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying." "Constipated people don’t give a crap." "Regular naps prevent old age… Especially if you take them while driving." "Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture." "Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m schizophrenic, and so am I." "On tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor." "Why is it in the U.S.: If you take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing a Uzi, terrified citizens will phone the police and report: 'There’s a naked person outside!' ” "A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it." "English people have different ways of saying things. We say 'elevator' they say 'lift.' We say 'president' they say 'stupid psychopathic git.' " "Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot." "Adults are always telling me that there are starving children in Africa who would love my food, so I'm gonna walk up to a starving child and tell them that there are obese children in America who would love to be as skinny as them." Riddles: Q: What has roots that nobody sees, and is taller than trees. Up, up it goes, and yet it never grows. Q: I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid and normal people look like celebrities. I turn pancakes brown and make your champagne bubble. If you squeeze me, I'll pop. If you look at me, you'll pop. Q: If you look you cannot see me. And if you see me you cannot see anything else. I can make anything you want happen, but later everything goes back to normal. What am I? Q: If a chicken says, "All chickens are liars" is the chicken telling the truth? Q: A father and son went in their car for a road trip. They got in a car crash. The father died, and the son was badly injured. He needed surgery, but in the hospital when the doctor comes in, the doctor says, "I can't operate on this boy, he's my son." Who's the doctor? Q: Two cops walked into a room with no windows and found a dead man who obviously hung himself from the ceiling, though they couldn't figure out how. There was no chair beneath him that he might have jumped off, of, or a table. Just a puddle of water. How did he do it? Q: Sergi and Sally where sitting in their family room one night. While Sergi was watching T.V his wife Sally was reading. All of a sudden the power went out and Sergi decided to go to bed, but Sally kept on reading. With no use of artificial light, Sally kept on reading. How? Q: It is greater than God and more evil than the devil. The poor have it, the rich need it and if you eat it you'll die. What is it? Q: There was a red house on the right, a green house on the left, and a blue house in the middle. Where was the white house? Answers: A: A mountain. A: Pressure A: Your imagination. A: Chickens cannot talk. A: The doctor was the boys mother. A: He stood on a block of ice to hang himself. A: Sally was blind and was reading in Braille. A: Nothing. A: In Washington D.C. Be Against Abortion! Month One Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby. Month Two Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here. Month Three You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me. Month Four Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. Month Five You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion? Month Six I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy, what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me! Month Seven Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus’ arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy? Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak. Labels that state the Obvious On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: Best Friends FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella. FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Return your stuff right away. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. FRIENDS: FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you. FRIENDS: Would ignore e this letter. Friends: Will share their candy. Copy and Paste, if the only thing you hear now at school is 'Gangnam Style' 98% of girl teens would cry their ass off if they saw Justin Beiber get hit by a car. If you are one of the 3% who would say "Finally my ears will stop bleeding" post this on your profile If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile. Chocolate is YUMMY! If you are a chocoholic, copy and paste this to your profile. If several inanimate objects just seem to hate you (STUPID LOCKER!) copy and paste this to your profile. If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile. If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile If you can't live without music copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile If you love Fanfiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile. 95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, copy and paste this to your profile If Joe Jonas was about to jump off the Eiffel Tower 95% of all the girls in the world would die. Would you be one of the 5% with popcorn yelling "do a flip!"? If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventilated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile If you have ever done anything stupid in your life, copy and paste this into your profile If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.. Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions? :) Copy this and paste it on your profile if you think sarcasm is a conditioned reflex. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. Copy and paste this on your profile if you've wondered why something wasn't working until you realized that it wasn't plugged in. If you have fallen out of your chair trying to pick something up then copy and paste this. IF you have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it then copy this and paste it on your profile. If you have tripped on a cord after telling someone else to watch out for it, copy and paste this on your profile. Copy and paste this if you have accidentally gotten a brush stuck in your hair. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever walked into the wrong classroom, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile! If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. Because love is like jumping off of roof tops. Despite what people may think, the leap is the easy part, the thrill of the fall makes up for the fear. It's the time period after the jumper is caught that's scary, because who really wants to be dropped I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who doesn't knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the managmant called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed thier doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs the most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile.(BOLD the ones you are.) 9 Things I Hate 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too!" Hello! What good is cake if you can't eat it? Who doesn't want to have their cake and eat it? What else am I going to do with my cake? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who are they? Where are they? And Why?? 5. When people say while watching a film "Did you see that??" No, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor. Then I miss the next scene for answering the doofus' question! 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya? 7. When something is 'New and Improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new. 8. When people say "Life is short". What?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here? Yeah the bus came but I decided to wait for you! FAKE ASS FRIENDS & REAL FRIENDS...WHICH DO YOU HAVE? FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken rabbit the Trix copy this into your profile. (poor rabbit...) If you have ever pushed a door that said 'Pull' copy this in your profile. If you know a video game character or video game weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up a flight of stairs, copy this, put it in your profile, 92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch and American Egael said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off. Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. About as subtle as a flying brick She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs That is pointless, dangerous, and stupid... we jump on three, right? I'm an author... I write for my amusement. I'm an artist... I sketch for my amusement. I'm a friend... I am amusing. I'm a daughter... I suffer for my parent's amusement. If you approve of gay-marrigaes put this on your profile and add your name to the list. Gaara's-pandachan101,678yui-julie-and-kiki-kitten,Demon Lord Sesshomaru, Blood Red Tensai, EmOkUrUmIA, AtomicShadowKitten, Mas-kun the chibi foxmonkey, DevilChild13, The World In Black And White, Kodochi Kurokami Gay marriage: 1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal. 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed. 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children. 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America. 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children. 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... -- Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage. I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare. We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away. We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash. I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant--and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink. I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner. I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag. I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God. I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing. I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children. We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters I am the child who was raised going to gay marriages and civil unions and never saw a difference between the gay marriage and straight marriage. I am making a difference. Hate will not win if we do not let it. If you agree, repost this. Fanfiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They dont do it for money. That's not what it's about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They're fans, but they're not silent, couchbound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language. | |||||||
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