lilsis321 Poll: Who should Rosalie Gilbert be paired with? (From my story 'She's got the Petrova Fire') Vote Now! |
 Author has written 9 stories for Vampire Diaries, Divergent Trilogy, and Twilight. ME Hey guys XD Just incase you haven't realized the sheer amount of scrolls you will have to use to read all of my profile, you don't actually have to read it all :P It's kind of acumulated after so much of my profile surfing. I'm starting to consider it as a professional sport. I have a new alt! lilsis3210. YAY! I have my favorite teenager posts will be on there, and a story... Coolio. I don't really use it, but It is a great place for some of my favorite teenager posts XD! Damon Salvatore FOREVER :3 KEY DG- Destiny Gilbert SOFABL- Scratch off for a better life TVD- The vampire Diaries... and some Obvious pairings like Delena, Stelena, Klaroline, Forewood, etc, and D/OC (Damon paired with and Original Character) The Competition- The Super intense, furious battle for the longest profile. (Newly added, as of 11/28/13) -(00)- Updates... June 16, 2013... Yeah, I just figured out how to do this 'hyperlink' magic stuff... You'll see it a lot now, because I am-shamefully- obsessed with it now! I just found this guys profile... It's extremely long, and he thinks hisis the longest, (which is probably true, BUT!) CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Or not... Just copying and pasting his profile to see just how long it really was, pretty much crashed my computer, and destroyed the internet for a while at my house... LOL. June 17, 2013... Hello guuuuys! So. I'm thinking of writing a new story! :D Yes... Another, new one XD I'm thinking the I'll make the summary something like this... -Ever since her mom commit suicide, life went downhill for Illani. Her Dad became a drunk, bills stopped being paid, and her best friend stopped coming to school. With ratty clothes, un showered skin, and a one dollar bill clutched in her hands, she buys a scratch-off ticket.- Paul/OC/Jacob Ya. It's gonna be epic. PM me (PWEASE! :D) and let me know if this is something you might want to read! June 23, 3013... Hola Amigos! Just so you guys know, I will be updating Destiny Gilbert VERY soon, but at the moment- I am fixated on Twilight Paul or Jacob (or any really) imprint stories! I am a mad woman, reading so many a day... LOL. So here are some great ones if you are intrested... One, Two, Three, Four, and my all time favorite EVER... Five. And I'm quite shamefully... working on another story. \(0.0)/ DON'T HATE ME! My imagination is on this mode called... SUPER-OVER-THE-FREAKING-TOP-OVERDRIVE mode. Yup. That's what's up!!! As of twenty seconds ago, I have moved my teenager posts to this account! :D I actually wonder if people read this... hmmmmm. That's quite thought provoking. I love randomers, so if you need help with anything (Story or Real-life) I'm always willing to help! :) Just don't except a response the next second... It will probably be a day or so. June 24, 2013... Gonna be MIA for a little while stuff goes down. :P June 29, 2013... Posted a chapter of Destiny Gilbert here!!! YAY! And lots of reviews for 'Scratch off for a better life' Thanks guys :D June 30, 2013... I just realized I never said wether or not I was a girl or a guy 0.o Uh. Ya. Okay, so here is a tad about me :P -I AM a GIRL! I have dirty blond hair, eyes that have rings of hazel green and blue, a brother who is just FREAKIN' AWESOME, a dog (Yorkie :D) and I live in USA. I sometimes forget that there are people from all over the world on here :P Uhhh. I also fall a lot and hurt myself constantly, which goes against the Ballet I had for a few years! I guess I'm part of the younger group that goes on here... I found some MOMS on here. That's kinda cool, but it makes me feel like a toddler XD- Okay! Gotta go get to work on Twisted! (Thanks to Sparkles who has allowed me to have a week of being swarmed with 'personal problems' and has waited for me to read over there awesome work!) July 1, 2013... So incase you haven't noticed, these little update thingies are for you, and to take up space for that thing that I told you about before (Making my profile SUPPPERRR LONG!) But today, I'm going to slightly organize my profile so the stuff that you SHOULD read will be close to the top, and the stuff that you COULD read is on the bottom. It should be pretty much that way... My whole profile is pretty long, though, but I think it is colored with a lot of my personality :P So if you want to get to know me (Or at least SOME of me) then I would suggest you read some of the things I put here! July 3, 2013... Oh. My. Freaking. Gawd. I have just no-lifed the last few days, spending from the time I woke up to eleven o'clock at night... watching TVD. You see, I was going to go through and watch the whole couple of seasons I hadn't already seen when I got to those episodes in my story, Destiny Gilbert. But then I was on Insta Gram (Don't ask for my user... sorry I have this thing where I like to keep personal info to myself :/ It's not personal, it's just a policy I hold myself to.) and was going through some TVD scenes that someone had posted. I was like... GOTTA SEE THAT EPISODE! And then... I kept watching...and watching... and now I'm 1/2 way through season 4. LOL. I'm CRAZY. Well. So I am now fully freaking inspired to do Destiny Gilbert now! be excepting some updates :3 July 9, 2013... Okay, so umm. Wow. You that whole 'CHALLENGE ACCEPTED' about the profiles and stuff? Well apparently this is some pretty intense stuff I'm getting mixed into. Wow. But as far as I know, these are the runnings...*Keep n mind I won't change this everyday, so whatever this says may not be accurate anymore!!! 1. 24hourstomakeadifference 122,661 words. 2. MostazalsLord 92,059 words 3. James018 89,868 words 4. Kiryn 59,617 5. The Dawn Is Breaking 44,879 6. Thousands of other people... and then ME! At NUMBEEERRRSSS Sup guys, this is the same day, but different TIME! I broke everything up on here, with this lil guy! - -(00)- Ain't he cute? Unfortunately, he is the replacement of a long line of Kirby Dances I had set up on here. Well fan fiction had other plans. -.- July 9, 2013... 16,557 people. Wow. This is getting serious. (Now it's 25,298 :D, and as of RIGHT NOW- Keyword Density
I am going to take this time to thank and site James018 because I took LOTS of stuff from him for Copy&Pasting. He's actually really cool, and if you get the chance, go through some of his profile! And yes, I DO know who I am, James. LOL. July 11, 2013... still working on the profile :) 28,793!... 33,457!...37,992! And DONE for today! July 12, 2013... Sup guys! I'm just gonna keep going with this lengthening thing. I will most likely be redoing Destiny Gilbert and stuff so I can improve the quality and spelling. I'm also adding a KEY so that if/when I use abbreviations for stories or something, you know what I am talking about! Although it will cost me some words for my total length, it's easier for me to just type the couple of letter vs. the entire freaking thing, and move on with my life and writing. XD! Almost 40,000 words!!! July 13, 2013... 46,020 words. COME AT ME!!! YUSSSSS!!! 46,297 and done for today!!! July 16, 2013... OMG. 77,000 Words. Wow, just WOW!
July 19, 2013... 100,975 words. 0.0 Whaaaaaaaaat?!? July 21, 2013... I am going to rip. Someones. Head. Off. Perfect Damon dream where we were playing tag in my 10 story inherited store. I had a Jarvis (from iron man) and it was freaking amazing because people were shopping while we were running around and tagging each other and fun stuff. I was in the elevator/conference room, talking to my 'Crubbs' my all powerful robot about the missiles that were about to be launched off the roof of my building when... my phone mother trucking buzzes and I wake up. SCREW LIFE. So I am a tinny bit mad right now. Just a tinny bit... Hey guys! It's later then when this () was, so I felt the need to give another update :P I have written a very bad paragraph at the the bottom (Or, the bottom of the profile right now) It's just a little rant that I had because of my hate for Bellatrix. (I fail to respect you if you say that Bellatrix is a 'good character'. B-- S--. Good characters don't cross that VERY OBVIOUS LINE. Dobby is dead because of this B--! THAT'S NOT A GOOD CHARECTOR! NO!!!) -Alright. Ehum. Sorry about that. Got carried away lol. I will probably put a little story that I have been working on for fiction press on here too. It's an original piece, so I'm pretty proud of it, but I haven't edited what I have written yet or anything. I have no clue if this is already out there as a copy&paste, but until someone comes foreword and shows me the one that's out there, these are some Copy&Paste's that I have made by myself. -If you cried hystarically when Dobby died, copy and paste this on your profile. -If you hate Bellatrix Lastrange with the burning passion of the underworld, then copy and paste this on your profile. November 27, 2013... Holy shytaki mushrooms. It has been 4 MONTHS since I last updated! Dang! Sorry to everyone out there, wether you are reading this now or not, because I am totally lame for not getting on here! But; I do have my reasons! Highschool is a new concept for me, and I have a handful of College courses on my plate as it stands, but juggling sports, family, and drama has nearly crippled me. Yet, HERE I AM! Ready for ACTION! Well, sort of. It's thanksgiving break for me right now, so I have a little time off. (Which is hilarious because I am so lost in doing absolutely nothing that I had to google search the date 0.o Lordy.) But high-school lofe hasn't been that bad, I mean, I've actually learned how to properly type now! And I can probably tell you more about how your DNA repicates then you would ever care to know! Ha ha. Well, it's super late (for me) but I had to get on here! And, randomly, I saw that 24hourstomakeadifference posted a challenge to me. It was actually more of a recognition of my presence, a sure sign that she knows that I am soon to over throw her in this non-official fight-to-the-death for the longest profile. Bam. The only issue was that this was a LONNNNGGGGGG time ago, so everyone's profiles has probably quadrupled in size in the time span that I have been away. I plan on checking that either later (if that's even possible anymore) or tomorrow. November 28, 2013... Sup guys, so I'm gonna post up the standings as of right NOW! 1. 24hourstomakeadifference has the startling total of 127567 words 2. lilsis321 has a whopping 107766 words 3. MostazalsLord has 92205 words (Sorry to everyone else who has awesomely long profiles, but I'm going to stick with the top three for now.) Sorry that I didn't connect the profiles by link to here, but they are above, in one of my earlier posts. -(00)- Dear Loyal Readers of my Fanfics, Super sorry for the long period of no updates :( I stink, I know! But PLEASE be patient until I get out of school, so I can update faster! And an even greater sorry for those who are thrown into the wake of my over-active imagination. I start a story because I think it up, and then I loose inspiration when I think up another Idea. There i always the possibility that I might resurrect one, but the chances are small. (In this list are most likely; The RedHead, Spy Diaries, The Light Princesses of Mystic Falls, The protector: The Tigress series, The Rainbow Above, and Tiger). Luv you all! LILSIS321 -(00)- CHARACTERS IN STORIES & THEIR CLOTHING AND ACCESSORIES Destiny(*Destiny Gilbert*) Destiny Is and identical twin to Katherine, since she keeps her hair curled Most of Destiny's Outfits And more specifically... Chapter 1: Back to school Chapter 1: 14th birthday twinsChapter 11: To the shrink!Rosemarie(*Rosemarie*) Ilani(*Scratch off For a Better Life*) Day at the coffee shop (Chapter 3) -(00)- Okay so when I got on this website- I was CLUELESS! So to anyone else who may not have have known what they heck all these terms meant- or still don't- I sincerely hope this helps! Fanfiction terms: (Found on bandgeek_jamies fancy Fanfiction page... Check it out if ya want!) A/A – Action/adventure, focuses on fight scenes AR – Alternate Reality Babyfic - Main characters adopt or raise children And, a super useful website if your having any kind of issues with you Fanfic, is THIS SITE! -(00)- TEENAGER POSTS! Here they arrrre! ;D #You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish... #Running towards my dreams, tripping over tripped over reality, and hit my head on the truth. #"Maybe you should read the instruct-" "NAHH! I GOT THISSSSS!" #If karma doesn't hit you in the head, I gladly will. #"You've changed." "Yeah, Im a transformer." #"Im a wizard." "Then prove it." "Sorry I can't, no magic outside of Hogwarts." #How to kill a spider: Grab a tissue, Approach slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down. #Home alone! Expectation: Party! Party! Reality: Peeing with the door open. #Don't grow up! It's a trap! #Money doesn't buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It's impossible to be sad on a jet ski #Dear McDonalds, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face. #Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it most are the ones who never use it. #I love rumors! I found so much about myself I didn't even know! #Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it. #Hitting your hip on a corner and feeling like you've been shot. #'Life's hard. It's even harder when your stupid.' -John Wayne #I don't understand how Super Mario can smash blocks his head, but dies when he touches a turtle. #When I turn 18 and my parents try to get me to do something, I'll just be like, "Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free Elf." #All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips. #I'm not rude. I'm honest. #I like wearing big sweaters. Not cause they're all comfy & cuddly, but when the sleeves are really big I get to flop then around & smack people. #I look really cute when I wake up. And by cute I mean homeless. #My standards are unreasonably high. I'm like a walrus going after a peacock. #Showers are amazing. They make you feel nice and clean, make you sound like a professional singer, and help you make all of life's decisions. #Remember when you told me to bring you a glass of water? I took a sip. #That baby dinosaur noise you make when you stretch. #I want a nice body, but then like... food. #The moment where your like; "WHO THE F%$& TOOK MY MY- Oh. There it is." #Play with my hair until I fall asleep and I'll love you till the day I die. #If I haven't embarrassed myself in front of you, don't worry; it will happen. #Because having cute underwear makes you feel so much better about yourself. #When my friends are sad, I send them a long @$$ paragraph. But when I'm sad, they say "Oh, Sorry" or "That sucks" #I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22... pounds overweight. #"He's cute, I swear. Let me find a better picture." #Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house. -(00)- I'm here. I love you. I don't care If you need to stay up crying all night long. I will Stay with you. There is nothing you can ever do to loose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and am braver than Lonliness. And NOTHING will ever exhaust me. (Sweet, huh? :) This is for my best friend, and your best friend, and so on. I just want to thank BestFriendSwag from instagram for this little poem. ) -(00)- Books I have read... Poison princess. Gallagher girls series. Breathe. The Maze Runner series. Along for the Ride. What happened to Goodbye. October Baby. Just Listen. The Truth about Forever. Fire. Devoured. Poison Study series. Graceling. Percy Jackson Series. Twilight Series. Billionare's curse. Scumble. Flipped. 100 Cubords. Dandelion Fire. Summer Intern. Series of Unfortunate Events up to book 11. The Hunger Games. Catching Fire. Mockingjay. The Originals. AND A WHOLE LOT MORE THAT I AM TO LAZY TO GO SEEK AND RECORD. Things I ship... Delena, Stelena, Damon/OC, Stefan/OC, Klaroline, Klaus/OC, Tyler/Care, Steroline, Jeremy/OC, Alaric friendships, Elijah/OC. Valek/Yelena. Lizzie/Sean. Katniss/Gale, Katniss/Peeta. *This does NOT mean I WILL ship all of these, it means I CAN. (If necessary)* -(00)- For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what are you doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob fest, and start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say some completely random thing, like," Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb-war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings and tape them on your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you giggle upon finding out that Edward has gone to the Volturi, because it was stupid for him to take second hand information. Crazy is when you wish your boyfriend's name was Jasper or Edward. Crazy is when you sit for hours on end talking about Edward with your friends. Crazy is when one of your friends come up to you and says "He is so completely gorgeous!" and you know exactly who their talking about because your brain is no longer set on English, but Twilight. Crazy is when all your friends are scared of you because you are so hyper. Crazy is when you threaten your friends with a free trip to Italy and a vampire mafia if they don't read Twilight. Crazy is screaming at your friends all of the reasons why Edward is better than Jacob. Crazy is quoting Twilight in your everyday activities. If you are crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list. -(00)- TWILIGHT SCENES!!! (Stolen from James018 He he sorry about this one :P) Bella Swan: I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. Bella: Let's say, hypothetically of course, that… someone… could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know – with a few exceptions. Edward Cullen: Just one exception – hypothetically. Edward: I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak. Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb… Edward: Breakfast time. Jacob Black: We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we? Neither one of us can hold our shape together right. Alice Cullen: How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto? Edward: Marry me first. The Land Before Time... I loved this :) Littlefoot’s mother: Some things you see with your eyes, others you see with your heart. Ducky: My name's Ducky. Yep, that's what it is. Yep, yep, yep! Ducky: (Chanting) Don't step on a crack, or you'll fall and break your back! Ducky: The tree is talking. Petrie: I flied? (Petrie perches himself on Littlefoot's head.) Petrie: I smell, I smell, I smell... Hmm. Ducky. Littlefoot: Sharptooth is dead! Ducky: Petrie, do not feel sad. It is alright. Many things cannot fly. Rocks, trees, sticks, Spike... Petrie: Flathead! Ducky! Spike! Oh, Petrie am so happy! -(00)- LYRICS! Christina Perri- I just recently heard some of her songs and instantly fell in love with them! You should really listen to some of the songs! And to nudge you into hearing my favorites, I'm going to hyperlink the Youtube Video to the title! :D A Thousand Years Heart beats fast One step closer [Chorus] Time stands still One step closer [Chorus] And all along I believed I would find you One step closer [Chorus] And all along I believed I would find you No, I can't take one more step towards you I learned to live half alive And who do you think you are? I hear you're asking all around And I've learned to live half alive And who do you think you are? And it took so long just to feel alright And who do you think you are? And who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? "Arms" I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart You put your arms around me How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around? I hope that you see right through my walls The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved You put your arms around me I hope that you see right through my walls I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth I hope that you see right through my walls You put your arms around me and I'm home "Penguin" Can you find the time Love like this may come once Can you find the time to let your lover hold you Love like this may come once Let go Love like this is all I want "Tragedy" If you could envision When it comes down to it And I won't be made a fool of... When did you decide And I won't be made a fool of... Don't call this love Why did you feel the need to prove that everybody else was right? Oh you're my tragedy... tragedy La la la la la la la la la love Dixie Chicks!!! "Wide Open Spaces" Who doesn't know what I'm talking about Many precede and many will follow [Chorus] She traveled this road as a child [Repeat Chorus] As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!" [Repeat Chorus] Philip Philips... (Don't you just LOVE this name!? XD) "Home" Hold on, to me as we go Settle down, it'll all be clear Just know you're not alone Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo. Oo-oo-oo-oo [x2] Settle down, it'll all be clear Just know you're not alone Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo. Ao-oo-oo-oo [x4]
When life leaves you high and dry When enemies are at your door Give me reasons to believe And I would do it for you, for you. When you fall like a statue I surrender honestly. So I would do it for you, for you. You're my back bone. For you, for you. Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating. And long after you're gone, gone, gone. IMAGINE DRAAAAAGONS!!!!! I love them! "It's Time" So this is what you meant I don't ever wanna let you down It's time to begin, isn't it? So this is where you fell I don't ever wanna let you down It's time to begin, isn't it? It's time to begin, isn't it? This road never looked so lonely It's time to begin, isn't it? It's time to begin, isn't it? Whoa, whoa, whoa I'm waking up to ash and dust I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones I raise my flags, don my clothes I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones All systems go, the sun hasn't died I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones When the days are cold When your dreams all fail I wanna hide the truth No matter what we breed When you feel my heat When the curtain’s call So they dug your grave Don’t want to let you down No matter what we breed When you feel my heat They say it's what you make Your eyes, they shine so bright When you feel my heat "Underdog" Early morning take me over Hey, that sounds like my luck Early evening settle down Hey, that sounds like my luck Living the low life Hey, that sounds like my luck "Bleeding Out" I’m bleeding out When the day has come Oh, you tell me to hold on ‘Cause I’m bleeding out When the hour is nigh You tell me to hold on ‘Cause I’m bleeding out I’m bleeding out for you (for you) ‘Cause I’m bleeding out "Ready! Aim! Fire!" Whoa Off in the distance, there is resistance How come I've never seen your face 'round here? We don't have a choice to stay With our backs to the wall, the darkness will fall Back in the casing, shaking and pacing We don't have a choice to stay With our backs to the wall, the darkness will fall Whoa With our backs to the wall, the darkness will fall Some good ol' TAYLOR SWIFT!
[Verse 1] [Chorus] [Verse 2] [Chorus] [Bridge] [Chorus] [Post-Chorus] His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
[Music video spoken part] Once upon a time a few mistakes ago And he's long gone when he's next to me 'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in No apologies, he'll never see you cry He was long gone when he met me I knew you were trouble when you walked in And the saddest fear comes creeping in I knew you were trouble when you walked in I knew you were trouble when you walked in [Music video spoken part] "All Too Well" I walked through the door with you, the air was cold, Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze. And I know it's long gone, 'Cause there we are again on that little town street. Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red. And I know it's long gone 'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night. Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise. Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all "Back To December" I'm so glad you made time to see me. So this is me swallowing my pride, These days I haven't been sleeping, And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind So this is me swallowing my pride I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, Maybe this is wishful thinking, I'd go back in time and change it but I can't. But this is me swallowing my pride I go back to December all the time.
There's somethin' 'bout the way We're drivin' down the road And I don't know how it gets better than this So baby drive slow Cause I don't know how it gets better than this Well you stood there with me in the doorway Oh yeah Cuz I don't know how it gets better than this Oh-oh "White Horse" Say you're sorry Holding on [Chorus] Maybe I was naïve, I had so many dreams [Chorus] And there you are on your knees, Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale, Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa "You Belong With Me" You're on the phone with your girlfriend ‒ she's upset, I'm in the room ‒ it's a typical Tuesday night. But she wears short skirts If you could see Walking the streets with you in your worn out jeans And you've got a smile You say you're fine ‒ I know you better than that. She wears high heels, If you could see Standing by and waiting at your backdoor. [Instrumental] Oh, I remember you were driving to my house Can't you see Standing by and waiting at your backdoor. You belong with me. Have you ever thought just maybe You belong with me. "Teardrops On My Guitar" Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's just so funny [radio version] [Chorus] Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe? [Chorus] So I drive home alone. 'Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see. "Our Song" I was riding shotgun [Chorus] I was walking up [Chorus] I've heard every album, listened to the radio [Chorus] Oh, yeah... I was riding shotgun "Tim McGraw" He said the way my blue eyes shined But when you think Tim McGraw September saw a month of tears When you think Tim McGraw And I'm back for the first time since then When you think Tim McGraw Oh, think of me He said the way my blue eyes shine "Mary's Song (Oh My My My)" She said, I was seven and you were nine Take me back to the house in the backyard tree Well, I was sixteen when suddenly Take me back to the creek beds we turned up A few years had gone and come around Take me back to the time when we walked down the aisle I'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nine "Stay Beautiful" Cory's eyes are like a jungle [Chorus] Cory finds another way to be [Chorus] If you and I are a story You're beautiful "Picture To Burn" State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy [Chorus] There's no time for tears, [Chorus] And if you're missing me, 'Cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck [Chorus] Burn, burn, burn, baby, burn "Love Story" We were both young when I first saw you. See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns. That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles, Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. So I sneak out to the garden to see you. 'Cause you were Romeo – I was a scarlet letter, Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel. Oh, oh. I got tired of waiting "Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone. "Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 'Cause we were both young when I first saw you. "Hey Stephen" Hey Stephen, Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window [Chorus] Hey Stephen, The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name – [Chorus] They're dimming the street lights. Hey Stephen, [Chorus] Myself, "Speak Now" I am not the kind of girl I sneak in and see your friends This is surely not what you thought it would be [Chorus] Fond gestures are exchanged She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen [Chorus] Oh, la, la I hear the preacher say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace" I am not the kind of girl [Chorus] "Haunted" You and I walk a fragile line Oh, I'm holding my breath Come on, come on, don't leave me like this Stood there and watched you walk away Oh, I'm holding my breath Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I know, I know, I just know Come on, come on, don't leave me like this Oh You and I walk a fragile line
Your little hand's wrapped around my finger Oh darling, don't you ever grow up You're in the car on the way to the movies Oh darling, don't you ever grow up Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room So here I am in my new apartment Wish I'd never grown up Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up "Mean" You, with your words like knives You can take me down with just one single blow Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city You, with your switching sides I bet you got pushed around Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city And I can see you years from now in a bar All you are is mean But someday I'll be living in a big ol' city Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city (Why you gotta be so?..)
I still remember the look on your face I do recall now the smell of the rain But now I'll go sit on the floor I do remember the swing of your step Because I love your handshake, meeting my father And I'll go sit on the floor So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep And I hope the sun shines So I'll go sit on the floor Just like our last kiss Just like our last... "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" I remember when we broke up the first time Ooh, we called it off again last night We are never ever ever getting back together, Like, ever... I'm really gonna miss you picking fights Ooh, you called me up again tonight We are never, ever, ever getting back together Ooh, yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah I used to think that we were forever ever No! We are never ever ever getting back together We, ooh, getting back together, ohhh, You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me) Shoul've said NO! It's strange to think the songs we used to sing [Chorus] You can see that I've been crying [Repeat Chorus] I can't resist No... no, no, no... [Repeat Chorus]
Once upon a time And I stare at the phone Was I out of line? And I stare at the phone You didn't mean it baby Back up, baby back up Cause it rains in your bedroom And I stare at the phone You didn't mean it baby "You're Not Sorry" All this time I was wasting, You don't have to call anymore Looking so innocent, But you don't have to call anymore You're not sorry no no oh You had me crying for you honey So you don't have to call anymore You're not sorry, no no oh "The Best Day" I'm five years old I hear your laugh Past the pumpkin patch I don't know why all the trees change in the fall I'm thirteen now I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys And we drive and drive And we talk and window-shop I don't know who I'm gonna talk to I have an excellent father I grew up in a pretty house There is a video It's the age of princesses and pirate ships Now I know why all the trees change in the fall And I didn't know if you knew "Better Than Revenge" "Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did" Ha! The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and... I never saw it coming, wouldn't have suspected it She's not a saint She looks at life like it's a party and she's on the list But sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know She's not a saint I'm just another thing for you She's not a saint Do you still feel like you know what you're doing? "Ours" Elevator buttons and morning air Seems like there's always someone who disapproves So don't you worry your pretty little mind You never know what people have up their sleeves And you'll say And it's not theirs to speculate 'Cause I love the gap between your teeth So don't you worry your pretty little mind The stakes are high, the water's rough "Begin Again" Took a deep breath in the mirror Walked in expecting you'd be late And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid You said you never met one girl But you throw your head back laughing like a little kid I've been spending the last eight months And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up 'Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again Some different Music... "100 Years" I'm 15 for a moment I'm 22 for a moment 15 there's still time for you I'm 33 for a moment I'm 45 for a moment 15 there's still time for you 15 I'm all right with you Half time goes by I'm 99 for a moment 15 there's still time for you (oh oh ohs) 15 there's still time for you "Say Something" Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I am feeling so small. And I will stumble and fall. Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I will swallow my pride. Say something, I'm giving up on you. Say something, I'm giving up on you. How much of your teenage life have you messed up? [x] Kissed someone before dating (I was TWO! Not my fault...) 5/33... Ummm wow lol -(00)- Pray for God: A teenage girl about 17 called Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, and she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and wanting to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a line-up to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Another time, a Christian missionary in Africa finds two guys fighting. So he breaks up the fight and one guy needs to go to the doctor so the missionary pays for it. The other guy is mad at the missionary for breaking up the fight so he gets a group together to attack him at night, but they leave without hurting him. Later on they tell him that they were going to attack him but he had twenty-six shining guards with him. But he objects saying he was alone that night. When he goes back home a few months later the people at his church tell him that they got the urge to pray for him so they got a group together and prayed. He asked those who were there to stand up and they did. There were twenty-six – the same amount of guards the man had said he had. Amazingly, whether you believe or not, good people get helped. Did you know that 98 percent of teenagers will not stand up for God? Please repost this as Pray for God. Jesus- Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master… If you truly believe in God, copy and paste this into your profile. -(00)- Some quotes to brighten up your day! "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it." -Confucius "Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art." -Ralph Waldo Emerson “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss “You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on earth.” - William W. Purkey “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde I got these quotes from here. And these next ones, I got from 24hourstomakeadifference! There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train. When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back! I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead. Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. I smile because I have no idea what's going on! One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door... Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there! When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs. If you can't convince them, confuse them. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. What happens if you get scared half to death... twice? Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous. I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember. life isn't trying to pass me by, it's trying to run me over when it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip 'n slide they say 'guns don't kill people, people kill people.' well, I think that the gun helps. you wouldn't kill too many people standing there yelling 'BANG!' flying is simple: just throw yourself at the ground and miss when someone is getting on your nerves, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, but only 4 muscles are needed to extend your arm and beat the crap out of them life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain nobody's worth your tears, and the ones that are won't make you cry everyday is a gift, that's why its called the present I have the answer in my head, I just haven't found it yet life is not measured in the breaths we take but in the moments that take our breath away everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon don't talk unless you can improve the silence I'm a nobody, nobody's perfect, therefore I'm perfect stupidity killed the cat. curiosity got framed some of the most wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen to some of the most awful, undeserving people you know - people who are, in other words, not you -(00)- Guilty or innocent? No explanations! Just Guilty if you have, Innocent if you haven’t :) Asked someone to marry you? Innocent -(00)- Bible (New International Version) I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. I will sing of the LORD’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” – God “I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” – God He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” – Jesus Christ “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Jesus Christ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Jesus Christ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” – Jesus Christ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Jesus Christ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” – Jesus Christ “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.” – Jesus Christ “So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” – Jesus Christ Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared. “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’ “‘An enemy did this,’ he replied. “The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’ “‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’” “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” – Jesus Christ “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” – Jesus Christ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” – Jesus Christ Once again Jesus went out beside the lake. A large crowd came to him, and he began to teach them. As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him. While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” – Jesus Christ An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest.” “Master,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us.” “Do not stop him,” Jesus said, “for whoever is not against you is for you.” One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – Jesus Christ “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – Jesus Christ “Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.” – Jesus Christ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – Jesus Christ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. For we live by faith, not by sight. Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade others. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! “I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!” – Paul of Tarsus For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. -(00)- MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME... My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about the WORLD: "The earth does not revolve around you, little missy!" My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." My mother taught me WEATHER: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." My mother taught me HYPOCRISY: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" My mother taught me about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home." My mother taught me RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when you get home!" My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." My mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" My mother taught me HUMOUR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." My mother taught me GENETICS: "I swear you're just like your father." My mother taught me about MY ROOTS: "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." My mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" -(00)- Copy & Paste! If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile. If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile. My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile. If you have ever ran into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your characterization If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever repeatedly ran into a glass door copy this into your profile If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile If you have a secret that nobody knows copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character to steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this in your profile If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. IF YOU'VE EVER LEAPED DOWN THE HALLWAY OF A HOTEL AND TURNED THE CORNER AND SAW PEOPLE STARING AT YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever been pushed into an ice-cold pool copy and paste this into your profile If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile. If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile If you are obsessed with Fanfiction, then copy this into your profile If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. IF YOU’VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR HOURS ON END, READING NUMEROUS FANFICTIONS, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects...copy this into your profile. If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever worn stilettos so you could use them as a weapon, copy and paste this to your profile. If you know the meaning of the word "penultimate", copy and paste this to your profile. If you can solve a Rubik's cube without using a fork, copy and paste this to your profile. If you laughed out loud while reading Maximum Ride, copy this onto your profile. If you go through profiles like mad, looking at all of the copy/pastey-thingies, and copy/paste every single one that has a remote chance of being interesting, fill up your profile to the limit, and continue doing it, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile. If you risk severe lower back problems because of being hunched over the computer so long, copy and paste this into your profile then get off the goddamn computer, Quasimodo! If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile. If you love copy and paste its, even though there useless, copy this in your profile. If you have ever tripped where there is a ‘watch your step’ sign, copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile. If you have ever run up a down escalator copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?" If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile. If you think the Coa-Coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile. If you're a perfectionist and it gets you in trouble more times than humans have created a number for, copy this into your profile. If you compulsively edit other people's work , copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile. If you're often confused for a shy and quiet person (but definitely aren't), copy and paste this into your profile. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile! If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever had random loud singing outbursts in public, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tried to hi-five some body and it has taken over 10 tries to actually slap their hand copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. "I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone. 98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels. If you sometimes seem to trip over thin air, put this in your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs, put this in your profile. If you have ever copy and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, put this in your profile. Admitting you are weird is normal. Admitting you are normal is odd. Different is odd and different is not good. If you are weird and proud of it, put this in your profile. If you are a proud stalker of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, put this in your profile. If your greatest wish is to be Bella Swan, put this in your profile. If you think it would be hilarious to see Bella beat Emmett in an arm wrestling match, put this in your profile. .••) .•) .•.•) .•) you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe. if you are part of the 8 that would stand there and laugh, copy and paste this into your profile If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile. If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile. If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile If Orlando Bloom said to stop breathing, 99 percent of girls currently on the face of the Earth would be dead right now. Put this on your profile if you'd be the 1 percent still alive and laughing. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile. cough Jacob cough My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile. If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile. 80 of young teenage girls think Zac Efron is HOT, if your one of the 18 who shake their heads sadly and dismissivley, paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do (which is ALOT), copy this in your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile. If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. No boy is worth crying for, and the one that is won't make you cry. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love the rain, copy and paste this into your profile. like chocolate. Cheetahs are pretty. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people PLEASE copy and paste this into your profile For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what are you doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob fest, and start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say some completely random thing, like," Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb-war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings and tape them on your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you giggle upon finding out that Edward has gone to the Volturi, because it was stupid for him to take second hand information. Crazy is when you wish your boyfriend's name was Jasper or Edward. Crazy is when you sit for hours on end talking about Edward with your friends. Crazy is when one of your friends come up to you and says "He is so completely gorgeous!" and you know exactly who their talking about because your brain is no longer set on English, but Twilight. Crazy is when all your friends are scared of you because you are so hyper. Crazy is when you threaten your friends with a free trip to Italy and a vampire mafia if they don't read Twilight. If you are crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list. I believe in Jesus Christ the Lord as my savior and redeemer, and could not live without him in my life. If you do too, and aren't afraid to admit it, copy and paste this into your profile, and add your name to the list. Kakashis-First-Kiss, jedigal125, iloveJacobandJasper, Vampirewithasecret, Lacey-The-Invisible-Ninja, James018, 24hourstomakeadifference, Lilsis321 I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two mooses meese, and if two foots are feet, then why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you are random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If whenever you see or hear the brand "Volvo" you freak out and start giggling uncontrollably and then people stare at you funny copy and paste this onto your profile If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, EdwardIsMyLover, FrevrnvrLasts, The Dawn Is Breaking If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull, or vice-versa, copy and paste this to your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you dont know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are wierd and proud of it, then copy and paste this to your profile! .eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this to your profile. If you can no longer watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire because of the Twilight movie, copy this to your profile. If you cried when Johnny died in The Outsiders, copy and paste this to your profile. 90 of teens today would die if Myspace had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile. If you've ever wanted to give a movie or show character a flyingtacklehug, copy and paste this into your profile. If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile. If you think High School Musical is not a real musical, copy this into your profile. If you ever watched a movie so many times you know all the words to it then copy and paste this to your profile. If you are a MOVIE QUOTER, which means you go around quoting movies for fun, copy and paste this in your profile! If you truly believe there is an Edward Cullen out there for you (his name DOESNT have to be Edward Cullen), then copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever stopped in the middle of a busy street to look at something, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit over nothing at all, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever went to tuck your hair behind your ear, and end up accidentally poking yourself in the eye, copy this to your profile. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this to your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this to your profile. If you know life is good no matter what happens, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy and paste this to your profile. 98 percent of teenagers have do or has tried smoking pot. If you are part of the 2 percent who hasn', copy this to your profile If you forgot your phone number when someone asked you for it, copy this to your profile. If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think Edward Cullen is the cutest boy on the planet copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. 95 of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 that would shout "Jump assholes, Fucking Jump already!" Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that only losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If you have ever ran up a down escalator copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profle. Instead of doing it yourself, you like to copy. If that describes you, paste this into your profile. If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your pro! 93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, .missy.skye., BlissfulyShadowingEdwardCullen., Korie.Moore, The Dawn Is Breaking If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're a slow runner...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, BlissfulyShadowingEdwardCullen, Korie.Moore, The Dawn Is Breaking If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile. 98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have stared at your computer for a complete hour copying and pasting copy and paste its into your profile copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a pet copy and paste this on to your profile If you can just never type fast enough copy and paste this onto your profile If you like reading, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tried to hi-five somebody and end up hitting them in the head, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile. If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. If your so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think it's vampires playing ball, copy this to your profile Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?" If you've ever tripped over your own toe, copy this to your profile. If you've ever stood straight up, then fell down for no apperent reason, copy this to your profile. If you think Mike should be run over by a bus copy and paste this into your profile If you think that bus should also take out Eric copy and paste this into your profile If you also think said bus should take out Jacob while it's at it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile. If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile If for all of DH you were wondering 'So where's Crookshanks...?', copy this into your profile. If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile. If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward, Bella, Alice, or any other twilight names, copy this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile. If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're a klutz and proud of it, put this into your profile! If you know at least five words to the song 'I Love Rock n' Roll', put this in your profile If you have ever attacked someone with joy, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile. If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile. If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever wanted to be that little hyper pixie of Alice, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Emmett absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your proflie. Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you cried, screamed, or threw a fit when Edward left Bella in New Moon, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe (or wish) that the Twilight characters exist, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you cried, screamed, or threw New Moon at the wall when Jane used her power on Edward, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever been bored out of your mind, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile. If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile. If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile. If you sometimes spontaneously break into song, But my feelings for you last forever, because days come and go, copy this into your profile, dry your tears, it is time to let you go. If when ever someone asks you your name, you have to think about it, copy this to your profile. If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile. Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile! If you know what a lemon fly is(for those who dont, it is a mythicle lemon with wings. ha! now you know!!) If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile. If less than two days before this was posted, your profile was blank, copy this to your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile (mabye...) If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile If you have a friend that thinks Twilight is stupid, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever had an unhealthy obsession with any -or all- of the Cullens and you don’t want to admit it even though you know admitting a problem is the first step to solving it but frankly you dont want the problem to be solved, copy this onto your profile If you love Edward Cullen, copy this onto your profile If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now ever your parents are afraid of you because of the results, copy this onto your profile If you are planning on mobbing Stephenie Meyer’s publisher because you want Breaking Dawn NOW, copy this onto your profile and get your pitchforks If you are SICK of all of the unoriganal Twilight fanfictions that only consist of Bella getting bitten by another vampire, Edward never coming back, and chalkfull of uncalled-for Bella-Edward Emoness, and are now on your knees for one origanal fanfiction, Copy this onto your fanfiction and add your name: MidnightWalker/EdwardandBellaTruLove4Ever, The Dawn Is Breaking If you've ever tried to scry to see if there is a real life version of Edward Cullen out there, copy this into your profile. If you had a choice between being human or being a vampire, and would choose vampire, copy this into your profile. If you are called 'weird' at least 5 times a day, post this in your profile. If you're stalking a fictional character copy this to your profile. If you have AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder, then copy this down. If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how gorgeous Edward Cullen is because you don't want said georgous Edward Cullen to hear, copy and paste this into your profile. If you read New Moon and wanted to punch Jacob Black, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped on a person, copy this into your profile. If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile. If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your bio. Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile. If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile. If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a clutz like me, copy and past this into your profile. 98 percent of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this in your profile if you like MUFFINS! If you cried when Fred Weasley died ((in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)), and not afraid to admit it, copy, paste this on your profile, and add your name to the list: Littlewhisker, Patronus Charm, The Dawn Is Breaking If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever lost someone (cats count) you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile. Rainstorm007, Littlewhisker, Patronus Charm, The Dawn Is Breaking If you think Bellatrix is creepy and should have been killed by Neville (not that there's anything wrong with Molly Weasly kicking her but) copy and paste thins in to your profile. If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these (there's more BWHAHAHAHA!!), copy this into your profile!! If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile. If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you secretly believe (and hope) that J.K.R. is really a Hogwarts alumni pretending it is fictional, copy this into your profile. If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into your profile. If you don't have a myspace and you don't want a myspace, copy this into your profile. If you wish you were the creator of Harry Potter, copy this into your profile. If you you think Edward is freaken HOT copy paste this into your profile If you wish that your name was as interesting as Scorpius Malfoy, Sirius Black, Gellert Grindelwald, Lavender Brown, Ginevra Weasley, Albus Severus Potter or anything like Nymphadora, Andromeda, Narcissa or Bellatrix, copy this into your profile. If you think Edward is perfect for Bella, paste this onto your profile If you hate Mike and you're not afraid to say it, paste this into your profile If you think Jessica can be annoying paste this into your profile If you think Jessica and Mike belong together because they're both annoying and stupid, paste this into your profile If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile. If you think rap is the most God-awfulest thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.--And always remember. Crap can't be spelled without first spelling rap. If you aren't one of those wanna be pop stars that shop at name brand stores, copy this to your profile! If you are a loner/goth/emo/freak/punk/weird person, then copy this to your profile. If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile. If you have ever yelled out a random food item during class or just randomly, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever wondered why the heck fanfiction doesn't have colour for profiles, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you can't wait for Breaking Dawn to come out copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate Jacob Black, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are frequently told to be quiet/shut the hell up, copy and paste this into your profile. If you can't wait for Breaking Dawn to come out copy and paste this into your profile. If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile. If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile If you constantly forget what you're saying or are about to say, and i mean CONSTANTLY, copy this into your profile If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it. If you jump up and down on th elevator, copy and paste this to your profile (were else are you suppose to jump on the elevator?) If you are a Klutz, copy and paste this to ur profile!(Hello i trip ovr nothing on a regular basis, i think that is called a klutz!) If you complian that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you dont just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile. If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile. Weird is under-rated. Copy and paste this in your profile, if you agree and add your name to the list: Celiana, SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, Seweedbrainrocks314, Shorty and KG Inc., WiseOne27,LoveTheSun, animaluver101, The Dawn Is Breaking If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If you are good at annoying people (especially on loooooong car journeys) copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever get a random urge to start screaming copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile. If you think that Global Warming is real, and that it should be dealt with, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile! If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love reading really long books just for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves" song copy this into your profile! If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride) Natalie-07 (Jack Sparrow, I know I know he's older then my dad but it's not like we're actually dating!) Silverstar's Shadow (Kratos Aurion (like practically every other girl who plays ToS religiously), Yuan (damn the people who decided to never tell you his last name!), Sirius Black (not Gary the Old Man... I imagined him to look a little more like Adam from Three Days Grace... hehe... Ahem.), Draco Malfoy), AsterEris:Firefall'sLegacy(Jasper Cullen...sigh), AviorHyrax (Fell from fell...I love him, I know, hes a wolf...can't I have my dream? Murtaghlaughing really hard right now Aster..., Mr. Darcyawwwww, i love him, again, still laughing,artemis fowl, Victor, from Cathy's book/key(I have a lot more but still), MiracleJade (Legolas from Lord of the Rings, Murtagh from Eragon movie (sucked) and Kisten from Kim Harrison books), xXxNyte-chanxXx (Edward Cullen-Twilight duh...Ian MacPhie-Love at Skate series), The Dawn Is Breaking (Edward Cullen -squee-, Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre)) If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile! If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile. Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists’ likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO! If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile. We now have the technology to copy human skin cells to test on for all cosmetics and beauty supplies. If you are against any type of animal testing, post this on your profile. If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity. If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile If you get bored easily post this on your profile. If you have no willpower post this onto your profile. If you would kill to have wings, post on profile. If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think the Cullens should have their own theme music :o) Copy this to your Profile If you are always listening 2 ur ipod (or anthing musical), copy & paste this 2 ur profile! If you can't keep from laughing out loud while reading profiles, copy and past this to your profile If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile. If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile. FAN FICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. I never repeat myself. If you repeat yourself and you're proud of it, copy and paste this on your profile! If you have ever forgotten what you were going to Google or YouTube just after you've thought of it, copy and paste this to your profile If you think fanfiction contributes to society and people ought to get placed in Guiness books for it, copy and paste this to your profile If your definition of happiness is jumping up and down your bed (and then laughing your head off when you fall and bump your head), copy and paste this to our profile If you think all the cool people are the ones who have 4-7 imaginary friends, copy and paste this to your profile If you have tests all week long but are looking around people's profiles and laughing at random things, copy and paste this to your profile If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile. 30 percent of kids go to college. The other 70 percent either drop out or don't have the skills to. If you are going to or have been to college, copy and paste this into your profile. 65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then reading. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe. If you are part of the 8 percent who would be laughing their butts off, copy and paste this into your profile. 95 percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, EdwardAddict, Supergirrl, Elemental-ANimal, Mother Nature's Daughter, Schmerg_The_Impaler, HPisgreat72, James018, 24hourstomakeadifference, Lilsis321 98 percent of teenagers have either smoked pot or tried to smoke it. If you are part of the 2 percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 percent of the Internet population has a myspace. If you are part of the 2 percent who can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile. Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy and paste this into your profile. A large percent of authors do not know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you do know the difference, copy and paste this into your profile. Child abuse should be stopped, FULL STOP. Copy and paste this into your profile to show your support of the NSPCC. Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy and paste this into your profile. -(00)- Put the names of your fave book characters & their names! (I'm also going to do TV shows!!!)
5 & 1? Hmm. Well- I suppose they could have met when Damon needed something like blood bags, or closure to a case. Maybe even to do an surgery on someone. 7 killed 9? Watson would probably get murdered by Liz, Cammie, and the rest of the gang XD 10 besties with 3 I could actually see that. No hate; but Gale kinda reminds me of Tyler, so this works out in my head. 9 kissing 6? Well... uhhh. No. Just no. 4 secretly in love with 12? Well this just became awkward. For me, you, and all of Gib's Ex-Wives. 2 and 4? I am just NOT lucky today. All of this gay stuff! NOT MY STEFAN, BRO! 1 killing 7 to protect 9, who's two timing 6 and 3? Damon killed Watson to protect Bex, who's two timing Elena and Caroline. Okay... Well- BEX ISN'T LESBIAN... But the rest is quite believable. Damon kills to protect a girl. 1 & 6? DAMON AND ELENA! YA BABI! As long as DAMON IS HAPPPPY! 2 secretly married to 9? It could happen... Swag master Bex married to sweet little ripper Stefan. :) 2 with 7 but 3's not happy and takes their rage out by stabbing 6 which results in 4 crying and 9 and 1 making out? Stefan is with Watson, but Caroline isn't happy and she takes her rage out by stabbing Elena, which results in Gibs crying, and results in nine and one making out. Okay this only works if it's new years! 1 & 3? Could totally work! If Care didn't hate him, and they crashed and burned in the first season. 3 dating 2, which makes 1 kill their self, thus making 5, 6 and 7 cry? Caroline is dating Stefan, which makes Damon kill himself, thus making Ducky, Elena, and Watson cry for reasons un explained. 10 Vs. 11? To bad for Gale, but Klaus is a Original Hybrid. Tough luck, bro. You and 1 making out? Hell to the Fucking Yes. You're married to 1, but you find out that their cheating on you with 6, so you kill 9. I'M MARRIED TO DAMMMMON!!!! But he cheats on me for his precious Elena, so I get furious and kill Bex. Why don't we just leave out those last two parts, hmmm? Here is the exact same thing, but with different people: 1.Bella-Twilight 5 & 1? Huh. Maybe they could have met when Bessie, Ella, and Lizzie were on the run with their 'mother'. 7 killed 9? Well, first of all, Jacob will NEVER EVAH do that unless I guess Ella was out to harm Nessie... but. I don't know. I would hope that he would get his butt kicked, but we can all pray that nothing happens to that pretty face :P. 10 besties with 3 Sure, sure. Mary could be besties with Edward, he could have been around when all of this was going down (I think), and helped Mary sort through some issues... like her annoying fiance. 9 kissing 6? Woah-wait. Whaa...? 4 secretly in love with 12? THAT AIN'T A SECRET!!! 2 and 4? Hmmm. Well- uh. Lizzie and Cara may be a little unhappy about that new discovery... 1 killing 7 to protect 9, who's two timing 6 and 3? Whaaaat! JACOB CANNOT DIE! I think that if anyone should be dying in this arrangement, it should be 1 (*cough* Bella *cough*) OF WITH HER HEEEAAADDD!!!! 1 & 6? What the heck! But wasn't Bekah JUST kissing Ella?!? 2 secretly married to 9? You never know. Ella could have met him sometime in her secluded life. 2 with 7 but 3's not happy and takes their rage out by stabbing 6 which results in 4 crying and 9 and 1 making out? Sean is with Jacob, but Edward isn't happy (because he wants Jake to be protecting Nessie, of course), so he blows off some steam by stabbing Bekah (Bad idea, bro! XD SHE'S GONNA KICK YOUR @88! Ha!) And Stefen breaks into tears because he doesn't want such a hottie to die, and then Bella and Ella randomly make-out for no reason, which leads us back to Edward stabbing someone in rage because he finally realizes what a _ Bella is :) 1 & 3? UM. YES. NO QUESTION MARK NEEDED THERE, BUDDY. 3 dating 2, which makes 1 kill their self, thus making 5, 6 and 7 cry? Edward is dating Sean, making Bella so upset that her husband has left her, that she kills herself, which makes Paul, Jake, and Bekah cry. 10 Vs. 11? Ha, sucks to suck; Elijah is gonna own her. You and 1 making out? Um. Let's not. You're married to 1, but you find out that their cheating on you with 6, so you kill 9. Okay, 1st of all, I would not be dating Bella! Yeah, no. Because a. I don't like females that way, and b. she is apparently a cheating scumbag because I freaking caught her with Bekah, so in my fit of rage, I murder Ella. Tough luck. -(00)- 1F 90U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463, C0P9 4ND P4573 7H15 1N70 90UR PR0F1L3. .eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty If you could read that put it in your profile. You know you're a book addict if: You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. You read a book until 4am, then get back up at 7 to continue reading. You write fanfictions about the book. You quote random lines all the time. You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. You've got a book memorized. You've read a book more than five times. (Twilight...) You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. -(00)- A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife -(00)- Ways to annoy people: 1. When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side. 2. Snicker at what someone said and say, "I got the movie reference." 3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 4. Name your dog "Dog". 5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up". 6. Reply to everything someone says with "That's what you think." 7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training". 9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". 12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date. 13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. 19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 20. Repeat everything someone says as a question. 21. Write "X – BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps. 25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read. 28. Ask people what gender they are. 29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. 30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day (e.g. when asked what time it is, claim that it's 25 o'clock). 32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a". 35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 39. Mow your lawn with scissors. 41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend". 46. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. 48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage". 50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 51. Practice making fax and modem noises. 54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting (this is REALLY annoying). 57. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 59. Honk and wave to strangers. 64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over and… 66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone. 67. Drum on every available surface. 68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. 69. Set alarms for random times. 70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of, "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip." 71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off. 75. Begin all your sentences with, "Ohh la la!" 77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode. 78. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador". 83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 84. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song. 88. When driving, leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it. 91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl. 93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot". 94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". 96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 97. Ask to "interface" with someone. 98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket". 99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture". 100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims. 101. Never make eye contact. 102. Never break eye contact. (Kinda hard to do that last two at the same time…) 103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results. 104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice. 105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice (or bleat like a sheep). 106. Say, "Okay, you're gay," to anything someone says. 107. As people talk, smell their shoulders. 108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say, "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention." 109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?" 110. Place your shoes on the table. 111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right. 112. When standing near a "high-class person", ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off." 113. Switch your neighbour’s lawn furniture with someone else's. 114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today. 115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips. 116. Sample every flavour of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one. 117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off. 118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true – like Bush is still President. 119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent. 120. Wear odd shoes. 122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says. 123. Throw stones at people walking past your house. 124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds. 126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told an extremely funny joke. 127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening. 128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2. 129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage. 130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too. 131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf. 132. .sdrawkcab etirW 133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food. 134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it. 135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants. 136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbours ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up! 137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say. 138. Drive on the wrong side of the road. 139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural". 141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman. 142. Wear your cap backwards and say, "Yo, wazzup?" a lot. 144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin. 145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away. 146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%. 147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly. 149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the". 150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started. 151. Ride a unicycle to work. 152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows (whatever the latest version is) that aren't actually there. 153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat. 154. Continuously mumble during a conversation. 155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house. 156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly. (People already do that, though!) 157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs. 158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns. 159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk. 160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling. 161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant. 162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly. Be sure to mention anyone walking by. 163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking. 164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing." 165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!" 166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway. 167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles. 168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. 169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbour’s lawn. 170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the centre of someone's anti-perspirant. 174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's. 175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn. 176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys. 177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants. 178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look. 179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi", "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you." 180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car. 181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family. 182. Dress like a "high-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent. 183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining. 184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you. 185. Face the back when standing in an elevator. 186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town. 187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. 188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band. 189. Ask people to prove everything they say (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!") 190. Sharpen all your pencils to the same size EXACTLY. 191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as the other person says a statement instead of a question, shout, "I win!" 192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things". 193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall! 194. Call every girl you know "dude". 196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "just better quality". 197. Press the "power" button on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment. (If this happened to me...I'd kill someone. Slowly.) 198. Call 911 and breathe heavily. 199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back. 200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's.) 201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200.) 202. Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet. 203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a (Burger King) Whopper. 204. Order a pizza and ask them exasperatedly if they can "please put the crust on top this time". 205. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you, ask, "Is that a threat?" 206. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off. 207. Also, when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?" 208. While walking make car noises loudly (e.g. changing gears). 209. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation. 210. Go up to someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly. 211. Finish each sentence with "monkey see, monkey do". 212. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school. 213. Pretend you are invisible. 214. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language. 215. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills. 216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?" 217. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" for no apparent reason. 218. Call everyone a communist. 219. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise. 220. Call your neighbours collect. 221. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?" 223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle. 224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises. 225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?" 226. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking. 227. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!" 228. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job. 229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you. 231. Whenever anybody says anything to you, respond by saying, "I know." 232. Send this list to all of your friends through email. 233. Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over. 234. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly. 235. Begin every sentence with, "By the Gods!" 236. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling, "I don't see your name on it!" 237. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial. 238. At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after a while insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!" 239. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave. 240. Put powdered sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot. 241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang. 242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers, "I must avenge the death of my father". 243. Scotch tape your door as an anti-theft device. 244. Superglue quarters to floors. 245. Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers. 246. Call random numbers and say, "Hi, this is Julie from Basken Robins. If you can name 31 flavours in 31 seconds you get a free scoop." 248. Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people. 249. Make a loud and abrupt noise when nobody is looking, then face the other direction when everybody looks your way, pretending the sound came from behind you. 250. Lend a book to someone, but staple the middle together. 251. Lend someone a book, but rip out the climax. 251. When making a list use the same number twice. 252. Spel esy wordds rong. 253. Pronounce people's names wrong every time you meet them. 255. Delete random numbers from lists of annoying things and see if people notice. 256. After deleting the random numbers from said lists, see if people will go back and check. -(00)- There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.00 The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" -(00)- Here's a joke... there are 3 men who need to get across a lake... the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across... he gets big muscles and swims across... but almost dies 5 times... the 2nd 1 prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across... he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across... but he almost dies 3 times... the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains... he turns into a woman... walks 4 yards... and crosses the bridge One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: -(00)- You know you live in 2008 when... 1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics. 2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace. 4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV. 6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer. 7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling. 8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this. 9. You were too busy to notice number five. 10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five. 11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity. 12. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did. -(00)- Lessons Learned in Twilight: 1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine. -(00)- Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No. Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No. Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No. Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No. Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No. Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No. Girl: Choose—me or your life? Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and boy runs after and says.. The reason you don't cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason why I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life -(00)- 50 Q&A ABOUT ME 1. What is your best friends name? Kerstyn, Thomas, Cristian, Caitlyn, Nico 2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now? Gray (And they are panties in case anyone was wondering...) 3. What are you listening to right now? Teid together with a smile by taylor Swift 4. Whats your favorite number? 10 5. What was the last thing you ate? Oreos :3 6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Silver XD 7. How is the weather right now? Cloudy with a slight breeze 8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Caityn 9. The first thing you notice about the opposite gender? Eyes 10. Do you have a significant other? Nope 11. Favorite TV show? NCIS, Elementary, Young Justice 12. Siblings? and Older brother 13. Height? 5 "6 14. Hair color? Blondish, but turns darker when it's Winter 15. Eye Color? Hazel, then greenish then blue, ( Rings ) It changes on what color i'm wearing. My whole family has the same except my eyes have a larger hazel ring. 16. Do you wear contacts? No. 17. Favorite Holiday? Cristmas XD 18. Month? June 19. Have you ever cried for no reason? Nope. 20. What was the last movie you watched? Avengers... for the second time XD 21. Favorite Day of the Year? Any day with clear sky's, cool weather, and a slight breeze. 22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yesh. :3 23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)? Yeah No XD 24. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs 25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolae FTW 26. Do you want your friends to respond to this? Doesn't matter 27. Who is most likely to respond to a text from you? Dad, or Hannah and caitlyn 28. Who is least likely to respond to a text from you? Thomas :3 29. What book are you reading? Life as we knew it 30. Piercings? Only one hole in each ear. 31. Favorite movies? Any super hero movies XD 32. Favorite football Team? GATORS 33. What are you doing right now? Reading 34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Buttered and Salted. XD 37. Dogs or cats? ' Dogs. Forever. 38. Favorite flower? Roses ... I have meh reasons XD 39. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do? Not really 40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex? Yes. (: 41. Have you ever loved someone? Only my family! 42. Who would you like to see right now? My grandmother 43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten? Yes. 44. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope, but I might in a little for some Mother/ Daughter activities XD 45. Do you like to travel by plane? Yeppers 46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right-handed. 47. How many pillows do you sleep with? 4-8 depends on how much my dad will let me XD 48. Are you missing someone? Not at the moment. 49. Do you have a tattoo? Nope, nad I doubt I will be anytime soon XD 50. Anybody on Tumblr that you'd go on a date with? No. I don't go on Tumblr. XD -(00)- My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me. Post this in your profile if you believe in ending child abuse -(00)- ( Stolen from LoveForHarryPotter) Friends vs. Best Friends FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. FRIENDS: Will help you up when you fall. FRIENDS: Will help you find your prince. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. FRIENDS: Will give you their umbrella in the rain. FRIENDS: Will help you move. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Will never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Will call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Will ask you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Will borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. FRIENDS: Take you to Wal*Mart to buy a pregnancy test FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this. -(00)- A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love. -(00)- YOUR GUY SIDE: Got this from physchokitten’s profil XD xxx X You love hoodies. TOTAL: 15 YOUR GIRL SIDE: You wear lip gloss/stick. TOTAL: 10 (WELL! This is awkward. I am a GIRL. Just maybe not the girliest of them...) (Choking On A Dream) .••) .•) .•.•) .•)(.• (.•Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, died, or is living with cancer A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a "slut", no one knows she was raped at age 14. People call another guy "fat", no one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man "ugly", no one knows he experienced a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. -(00)- I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black -(00)- ( Stolen from LoveForHarryPotter) 1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue. 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it. 3. The first truth is a lie. 4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it... (Idiot!) 5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face Now, if you fell for it (I KNOW you did), copy & paste this into your profile. Put Your playlist/iPod on Shuffle and Note the First 15 Songs 1. How does the world see you? Breakeven- the script 2. Will I have a happy life? I wont give up- Jason Mraz 3. What do my friends really think of me? Tim mcGraw- Taylor swift 4. Do people secretly lust after me? Picture to burn- taylor swift 5. How can I make myself happy? King of anything- sara bareilles 6. What should I do with my life? Tear drops on my guitar- taylor swift 7. What is some good advice for me? I will wait for you- will nash 8. How will I be remembered? A perfectly good heart- taylor swift 9. What is my signature dancing song? I will wait for you- will nash 10. What do I think my current theme song is? Dont take the girl- tim mcGraw 11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Bucket- carly rae jepsen 12. What song will play at my funeral? Invisible- taylor swift 13. What type of men/women do you like? Marys song- taylor swift 14. What is my day going to be like? Stay beautiful- taylor swift 15. What will tomorrow bring? Im yours- jason mraz -(00)- Someone has something to tell you, go ahead, read number 1 and then, go on 1) I need to tell you a secret. Go to 5 -(00)- DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: -(00)- Elena or Katherine? Stefan or Damon? Elena or Bonnie? Bonnie or Katherine? Elena or Caroline? Bamon or Delena? Stelena or Steferine? Caroline/Damon or Caroline/Stefan? Damons mine. Caroline/Stefan Tyler or Mason? Anna or Vicky? Tonnie or Bamon? Stelena or Delena? Books or show? Jenna or Isobel? Caroline: vampire or human? Lexi or Rose? Bonnie or Caroline? Endgame? Beremy or Delena? -(00)- Name your twelve favorite characters from Vampire diaries in no specific order. 1.Klaus 2.Katherine 3.DAMON 4.Jenna 5.Jeremy 6.Alaric 7.Caroline 8.Kol 9.Rebekkah 10.Vicki 11.Stefan 12.Elijah 1.Have you ever read six/three fanfic. WOAH THERE. Damon and Ric? Hopefully only as friends. you think seven is hot? How hot? Yeah man! Shes the blondie everyone loves! 3.What would happen if twelve got eight pregnant I would very concerned. 4.Five/Nine or Five/Ten Well, five nine is Jer and Bekah, so that is pretty good... And Vicki and him were together :( 5.What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex Well. She would be shocked, but hey, Elijah falls hard for those doppelgangers! 6.Suggest a title for Seven/Twelve How mad can we make the Hybrid? 7.What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to have sex with One The kind where the big bad hybrid falls for the step in mother of his doppelgänger. Thats what! 8.If you wrote a song fix about Eight what song would you use Sexy and I know it 9.What might ten scream at a moment of passion great passion Holy shit! 10. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve what would be the warning GAY THREESOME ALERT! -(00)- WEIRD QUIZ THING: 1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4. So needless to say, my roomates and I weren't taking any chances. 2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch A box of tissues. 3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Elementary. 4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 12:45 pm 5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 1:39 pm 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The Tv going off about some commercial of Les Mis 7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Yesterday when I came home from school, I was singing to the radio with my mom. 8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? My dog. 9. What are you wearing? A camisole and pink shorts. 10. Did you dream last night? Pretty sure I was in the middle of a zombie apocoplypse. But, I could be wrong. 11. When did you last laugh? When I looked up why there were more producers in any environment then consumers, and when I looked at the answer it read: i like to go pee pee. 12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A mirror, a huge painting of a mix of cultures (im not exactly sur :/ it has a bunch of monuments from accros the world, and then in the corner it has some asian dude.) 14. What do you think of this quiz? Hilarious. XP 15. What is the last film you saw? Resident Evil. (Explains the dream, right? XD) 16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? A new car for my brother, and plenty of well thought out stocks. Questions copied from: Sonny13 -(00)- 1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I had just found my dog, and was running back to my house to celebrate. Me being me, i totally biffed it and got the skin taken completly off of my elbow. 2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? A painting and some mirrors, plus one calender. 3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? Talk in my sleep, and grind my teeth... Pretty sure i dont snore but... You never know! 4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Rock, Pop, Dubstep, most things, really. 5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? Sometime 6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? for it to be summer 7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? Sixth grade when my brother and I played football everyday 8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)? My best freinds, my dog, and my stuffed animals. 9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'6" 10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? Sometimes 11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Always 12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Boy in the stripped pajamas 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME FOR A GIRL? HOh. Um. Flowers? Idk! 14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Black hair, green or blue eyes 15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO? A romantic restaurant 16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Neither really XD 17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Extra cheese, hold the tomato sauce 18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Crispy cheesy panko chicken 20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? Your kidding right? I have a bag a day. 21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECIEVED? Amy stuffed animal given to me by my cousin when i was born 22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? DAMON FREAKIN SALVATORE 23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? Nope. But i have a friend who is and its crazy 24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? American eagle Ftw 26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? MY DOGGY 27. WHAT KIND IS IT? A doggy! Gawd. 28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Already have. Fate chooses, not you. 29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Suck it up buttercup, get some balls and tell him in person 30. TYPE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 26 31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Brunette. this is guys, right? 32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN? Call? My mommy! 33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? When people judge you, or act like they know everything about you 34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?I have. 35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Damon Salvatore. My brother. 36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? notta one. 37. FIRST JOB? Havent had a job yet... 38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Mwahahah. 39. DO YOU SWEAR? Nope. 40.WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE FILLING THIS OUT? Browsing people’s profiles. 41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? No. 42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My clothes. 43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Been there, done that. 44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Want... 45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? Can i come back in ten years and answer this? 46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes! My freakin' name isnt even my own. 47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? hell to the yes! 49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Awkward. Fruitese. 50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Of couse, im just happy Its mine. 51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEAT? Steak 52. ANY BAD HABITS? None of your beeswax! XD 53 WHAT CD ARE YOU MOST EMBARRASSED TO HAVE ON YOUR SHELF? CDs? Sorry man, im all for itunes. 54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure why not? 56. DO LOOKS MATTER? Nota a smige 57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Kick some stuff 58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? My tennis place 60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? A little doggy stuffed animal 61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? 69 62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A KID? No way man 63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Not at all. 64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? MASHED POTATOES 65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? Intelligence, always keeping me entertained, fun. 66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Rose 67. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BAND/SINGER? Taylor swift 68. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOWS? The Vampire Diaries, Elementary,revolution 69. WHAT WAS YOUR ACT SAT SCORE? better then 50% of the seniors that finished last year. ( i took a practice SAT test given by the county. 70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR? Chocolate, no contest. 71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? L Idk... Lemme count. Yep. There all there! 72. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? My PE lesson yesterday. 73. DID YOU NOTICE THAT THERE WAS NO #64? Nope 74. WHATS THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR? Dont drive yet 75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? Whatever makes you happy 76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? This episode of revolution that i missed 78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My tennis coach 79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? Eyes 80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? Ummm... stuck in the middle by the script 81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? Bad acting 82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? May 83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? idk 85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR? Blonde. 86. EYE COLOR? Blue with green and hazel 89. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTURANT? CHIKFILA 90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? EEWWWWW NOOOO 91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? That show i just told you about -.- 92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Any day that I get to see my bro 93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? Piano 94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? well... You see- 95. KISSES OR HUGS? Hugs. 97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A slurpee at my seven eleven 98. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE? Nonexistent 99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Evermore series 100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE: as nonexistent as my car is. -(00)- The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK.But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... ʇsoɯ əɥʇ puıɯ ʎɯ ssıɯ ı 'ʇsol əʌɐɥ ı sƃuıɥʇ əɥʇ llɐ ɟo -(00)- If you're a Demigod copy this into your profile and sign your name - Shorty/Kris KG/Lizzy Wisegirl101/Lindsay WiseOne27 SeaweedBrain013/Sebz CloudyAlore/Faye XxxBeLLxXxGiRlxxX76/Bells xXthe shadow huntressxX annapercy1 Hula The New Ace of Spies 7Cerberus7 Storyteller-221/Kali Lennor AthenaPersephone14 Laserfire Aurola Seadevil 24hourstomakeadifference Lilsis321 -(00)- Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree -(00)- Random survey: If you could trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why? What have you found to be the best way to relieve tension? If you could choose only two movies to watch ever again, what would they be? Name three things you wanted as a child but never got. If someone told you had exactly 9 minutes to live, what would you do in those 9 minutes? Describe your dream house. Do you believe people are basically good? What is the most expensive article of clothing you’ve ever purchased? What are your worst habits? Who is the person you know with the purest soul? Describe the happiest day of your life. Describe the saddest day of your life. What is the oldest age you would like to be alive? What was the best year of your life? Who is the most successful person personally known to you? Who is the most outrageous person personally known to you? What is your biggest regret? If you could choose only one music CD to ever listen to again, what would it be? You can go back in time and prevent a great catastrophe. Which one would you prevent? If you went to a beach and it turned out to be a nude beach, would you stay and go swimming? Would you swim nude? If you were at a friend’s house for dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? If you were elected to be leader of a foreign country tomorrow, what country would you want it to be and what would be your first official act? If money were no object, how many children would you want to have? -(00)- How to Tell if You're a Writer -(00)- 15 Things to do when you're in Walmart! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look." 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here! 15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!" FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR 1.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on. 5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment. 9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12.Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15.Swat at flies that don't exist. 16.Tell people that you can see their aura. out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it. 18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!" 27.When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "9") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker!" 28.Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly. 29.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down. 30.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 31.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 32.Meow occasionally. the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 34.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 35.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?" 36.Say "Ding!" at each floor. 37.Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 38.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." IN THE CINEMA: Wait for it to go quiet and then stand up loudly and yell "I can't find the remote to change the channel!" -(00)- Reasons why girls are the best 1.We got off the Titanic first 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 16. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 17. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 18. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 19. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 20. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 21. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 22. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 23. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 24. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 25. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 26. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark -(00)- Natural Highs 1. Falling in love. -(00)- (I got this from Vera a, who got it from Randomitis Sufferer, who got this from BellaRide28. It's also on St. Fang of Boredom's profile, who also got it from Randomitis Sufferer.) One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me. Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies… Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. Rest In Peace, my old friend. -(00)- Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name. Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar, Samishi Destiny, Silverstar's Shadow, Darkangel24700, iLoVeMoOnYnPaDfOoT, Someone aka Me,Yourcool79, Give up your Prejudices, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, Vera A, Lilsis321 -(00)- Some ponderable questions... Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? -(00)- Some funny statements taken from all around! Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over. Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed - I'm not a can, so don't label me. Excuse me...have you seen my sanity?...I think I lost it. Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door... STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it. I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. When life gives you lemons throw them in life's face, they're probably poisoned. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have! Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me? It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is - why would I keep looking after I’ve found it? If two wrongs don't make a right, try three I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough! I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay. There is no "I" in team but there is definitely a "ME"... I ran with scissors, and lived! Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. I agree with the dictionary: girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. There are three kinds of people in the world: ones that can count and ones that can't count. I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends, for I may not return alive. I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me? Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. Education is important, school however, is another matter. Don’t mess with me - I've got a stick. Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls. I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what your up too I am NOT saying you're stupid...I'm just implying it. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for eating most of them. I'm the kind of girl who's not afraid to prank my friends. If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried. Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday. Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. When in doubt, push random buttons! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking. You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it. An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss. There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots. I'm not as dumb as you look. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness. Anything thrown hard enough should hurt. Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought him back, but stupidity killed him again. Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?" All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege. The trouble with life, is there's no background music. A clean house is a sign of a broken computer! Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. I don't get even, I get odder. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for! In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place. I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib. At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote. If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. -(00)- Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school -(00)- If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Bookworm-Booklover, Jasper's Fangirl, vampirechick123, snow in my coco, Pepa333, SlytherinLuver, Nymphadora1177, Lilsis321 If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride),TwilightNatalia(I had a crush on Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist for like 3 days then I got over it, if that counts), vampirechick123 (Edwrad cullen...even though he is real) snow in my coco (Edward cullen. Sexier than you! and all mine...I wish. I refuse to believe he isn't real.), Pepa333(Draco Malfoy, Edward Cullen, Damon Salvatore), SlytherinLuver(Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Tom Riddle, Edward Cullen) Nymphadora1177(james potter, ron weasley), Lilsis321 (Damon Salvatore) -(00)- You know you're obsessed with Twilight when... 1) You have read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse at least 3 times. 2) You own all above mentioned books. 3) You know that they're totally going to screw up Twilight the Movie, and 4) You have read everything on every page of Stephanie Meyers web site. 5) You have reread a lot of these pages. 6) You read fanfiction about Twilight. 7) You write fanfiction about Twilight. 8) At one point or another, you have had a screenname/username that says 9) You constantly count the days until Breaking Dawn comes out. 10) For a long while after you read Twilight/New Moon, you acted as a 11) If said people have not read Twilight, you insist that they read it, 12) If anyone says something that goes against the statement that Twilight 13) You stand firm by your belief that anyone who says that Twilight is just a crappy, unrealistic love story(and yes, believe it or not, I do know someone who has said this!) should be taken to the edge of a cliff and pushed off. 14) For months after you read it, Twilight was your favorite subject to talk 15) When you found out you would have to wait until August of 2007 for 16) You argue with your friends over which member of the Cullen family you 17) You began reading fanfiction as a desperate attempt to read something 18) No matter how many times you read Twilight or Twilight-related stories, 19) As you read this list, you are smiling and nodding at almost every thing 20) Even though you know it's impossible, you often wish that you were a 21) Vampires are officially your favorite mythical creature ever. 22) Your personal motto is, vampires are cool, not scary. 23) You know that you are not crazy for being obsessed with Twilight; people 24) When you hear that someone read Twilight and didn't like it or thought 26). You literally haunt Stephenie Meyer's website waiting for new information 27). You're driving your parents mad with your crazy countdowns 28). You're keeping track of all the "Breaking Dawn Quotes of the Day" and trying to figure out what they all mean 29). Your home page is Stephenie Meyer's website 30). Your desktop has something to do with the Twilight Series 31). Your screen saver reads "Twilight Movie: November 21" 32). You have both the original New Moon book and the New Moon Special Edition 33). You put your Eclipse poster in plain view so that everyone can see it 34). You can't believe that most people haven't read the books 35). You know all the characters so well that you feel as if you could write your own stories about them 36). You spend most of your day making up "What if...?" questions about all the different plot lines 37). You've actually read the play "Romeo & Juliet" just so you could find out how Jacob would die 38). You know you're addicted, but you don't care 39). You can't help saying, "I can't wait for August 2nd!" while everyone who isn't "in the know" stares at you like you're psyco 40). You're more excited about the release of Eclipse than anything to do with Harry Potter 41). When you found out that Breaking Dawn wasn't coming out until 2008, you have a mental breakdown 42). When you found out about Midnight Sun you had yet another mental breakdown 43.) You ACTUALLY noticed there was no 25. -(00)-
Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever) 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. Lessons Learned in Twilight: -(00)- 7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: -(00)- My stories... .Scratch Off For A Better Life. AKA: SOFABL World: Twilight Pairing: Paul/OC Begins: Before Twilight (When Paul first phases) Main Charector: Ilani (Ill- lah- knee), Paul, Jacob, and Billy. Species: Human/ Imprintee Appearance: Brown curly hair, chocolate eyes, russet skin. (For most of my stories, Nina Dobrev is my OC's appearance because it's easy for me to visualize and connect with her. The effect of loving TVD too much XD) It's basically a story of how a girl (Ilani) that came from extreme cruel and horrible conditions to living the high life as an extremely successful model. She is found by some high fashion magazine writers at a coffee shop in Los Angeles, which she got the money to travel to by winning a scratch off. She comes back after Paul has phased, who she has harsh feelings for because she thinks that he had abandoned her in her time of need. Paul had imprinted on her when she was still back in Forks, so he had been miserable when she was off making her career. Ilani comes back to Forks as apart of a tour she is doing that had been sponsored by her agents. Ultimately; Ilani comes back to the school where everyone bullied and mistreated her, and blows their minds. Should be pretty good if I can get some more motivation for it :) .Destiny Gilbert. AKA: DG World: The Vampire Diaries Pairing: Damon/OC Begins: Episode 1, Season 1 Main Characters: Destiny (Desi, Nity), Elena (Lena), Jeremy (Jer) , Damon(Damy), and Stefan (Stef). Species: Willow ( I made it up XD) Appearance: Brown hair with ringlets, eyes that change color with her eyes. (Twin to Elena, and doppleganger to Katherine) Elena's twin sister, Destiny has been emotionally supporting her siblings for the past couple of months since her parents die. Being taught how to defend herself by her father, Destiny protects her family from the ever growing dangers of vampires, witches, werewolves, originals, love, and hybrids. When the Salvatore brothers come to town, she instantly connects to Damon. Their friendship grows instantly and rapidly. Soon enough, she is head over heals in love with this man; the man that loves Katherine. Little did they know; a side effect of a willow loving someone romantically, and unconditionally, is that said person could now compel her. This complicates her life because now any enemy of Destiny's had a lethal weapon to use against her. I LOVE this fanfic. Of them all, I am most confident in this one. Should follow the series, but who knows what couple happen? -(00)- Some great DELENA Fanfictions... I'm in Love with a Geek by 123nenagirl PM The key to happiness by somerholish Love like mine by thecullenyounevermet It's a bet! by s0merholic Your quite the little Firecracker by eskimoelena Never been kissed by damonsalvat0re Yours, Mine, and Ours be Passion Berry Giving in by DelenaRain The Babysitter by DeeReadinQueen Some great Damon/OC Stories! Silversun by Co-Quill-Eon Star Twins by FallenAnqel13 The Best Friend by Sonny13 -(00)- Twilight?!? Twilight!!!! WHOOOT TEAM EDWARD!!! This is me now. Obsessed and head over heals with this wonderful creation of art known as the Twilight Series. I wasn't always like this though... I had a stereotype for those Twilight Lovers, and laughed and shook my head at the rants and bickering about Team Edward vs. Team Jacob. Then one day at the bookstore, my mom pulled my aside a ratty old copy of the first book of the series, Twilight. I rolled my eyes at her and claimed, "Never gonna read that..." Yet, I took it home and read the first page. Then I through it under my bed and moved on with my life. Yup. I didn't even give it a chance until a couple months later when my mom brought home the entire series in movies. My ENTIRE family watched it all, as a movie marathon. Now interested, I started reading. After twenty minutes me and my book were inseparable. I took an antisocial turn, and spent every moment I had reading that series. Brushing my teeth. Eating dinner. Before school. At school. In the car. In the bath tub. At some random point, my mom had attempted to read them also... Well at my high rate of reading, I blew past her as she tried to keep up. Then; I read them again. And again. And AGAIN. Then I was lost. A poor soul who had just finished her first major book series. So I scoped out for more, and MORE and MORE! And now I am obsessed with reading, and do it at every chance I get. I had long moved on from re-reading the twilight series, but now obsessed over whatever book I got my hands on. Yet, after every series or book I felt lost and empty again. Then I found Fanfiction, and it let the dream and story of each book/series continue. I would read all fan fictions that interested me and after a year I made my own account and started typing. Okay this isn't exactly the book, or book series I am talking about, but The Vampire Diaries(The show) is what I'm talking about next. I was at the movies one day, and I saw a commercial. It showed no characters, no scenes, no hint about what the poop it could be talking about, except three words. The VAMPIRE DIARIES. It was in a cool font, and had a nice background, but what would I think it was? All I thought of is how one of my friends from school (She never reads, so I knew that it had to be good) had read it. I wrote it down and when I got home I googled it. Then I bought the book, and eventually moved onto the Show, and Fan fiction. At first I only watched the first two seasons or so (And Damon was my crush), but had to hold myself back. I had started my story Destiny Gilbert, and wanted to go along with the plot of the episodes. So I promised to myself that I would wait until I had caught up with DG to keep watching the episodes. (If you don't know, when I write a story based on a show, I take some word for word, and I need visuals and sequencing to write the story. So I sit here and watch the episodes, stopping anywhere from 2 seconds to 5 minutes at a time to write what they say, or what is going on.) Then I went on Instagram and saw some scenes from later shows with Damon in it and I was like... I GOTTTTAAAA WATCH DEM!!! And then I started, but I couldn't stop. So I'm pretty much fully updated on everything in TVD! Ad I watched, I fell in love with Tyler, Stefan, Klaus, Jeremy, and had new respect for each of them. Caroline is awesome, and I have learned to appreciate even Elena. Kudos to the writer's; I never thought I would get over that little hate-fest. So I'm pretty cool with everyone now! Except Hayley. I don't like her, at all. But now instead of being completely obsessed with Damon, I do have a celeb crush on Stefan as well. I really don't want Elena to string them along, but I understand why she doesn't know who to choose. Stefan; the sweet, caring, intelligent, Hottie; OR, Damon; the sexy, smirking, loving, blue-eyed greek god. I wouldn't want to break either of their hearts. So; as conclusion to this topic- I now dream about both Damon AND Stefan. :3 One of the first books I read were the Gallagher Girl series. I took a book of the shelf in my Language arts class, and read it. I fell in love with it of course, but it turns out that it was the third book in the series. Whoops! I actually didn't realize that I was starting half way through the series until after I had read the next book. By that time I had gotten a great grasp about what was going on, and felt I didn't even need to read the first two books that pretty much set up the entire series :P I did of course, read the rest of everything, and not-so-patiently awaited the next book. In the time span that I had finished the previous books, and before the next one came out, I re read all of them a couple of times considering they are an 'easy read', and read every forum or page that had to do with the Gallagher girls. I faded out of this particular obsession and randomly one day, I went on the Ally Carter website on a whim. THE NEXT BOOK HAD COME OUT!!! I read what I could of the preview and made my mom take me to the store to buy it. Of course, they were all gone. ALL BUT ONE. And I bought it. And then I re-read all of the other books again, and found it on Fanfiction. -(00)- AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder. AV is Addicted to Vampires LES is Love Edward Syndrome OCD is Obsessive Cullen Disorder WBWAVS is Wishing Bella Was A Vampire Syndrome WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome Jacob needs to jump off a cliff for non-recreational purposes OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. that and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God. Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916 Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843 Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901 Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916 Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901 -(00)- -Survey :D Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say? My mom. "That's a little off..." Where are you? My room. Look up, now look back. What did you see? A chandelier, my roof, and a closet. What's the last thing you ate? OREOS. What's your personality like? Uhhh. I'm pretty much always happy, even when I loose in tennis. I smile a lot. Not quite sure how to put that into a personality other than, eh... a 'Smiley' person? Who do you have a crush on? DAMON SALVATORE!!! What was the last thing you thought? I'm assuming before this survey, Hmmm? I was thinking about a Fanfiction I was reading. You have a million dollars. What do you do? I'd like to say I'd donate it or something really sweet and kind like that... but I would most likely buy my brother the car he really wants, save half of it, and go on a really nice vacation to treat my family. What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW? Water... and a tootsie pop. What are you thinking RIGHT NOW? Tootsie pops... What's it like being you? Well. Gosh. Umm. Nice? What are your thoughts on writing? Free writing is awesome, soothing, fun, and expressive. School writing is lame, boring, saddening, and makes your hands cramp. How tall are you? Five feet, six inches! :D What book are you currently reading? Cows, Pigs, Wars and Witches for some summer assignments for school. What music are you listening to? Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol. What was the last website you visited before fan fiction? Pandora. What was the last thing you cooked? Well... Let's see. I ate lots of stuff, but Ehum. I haven't really cooked anything. :/ What color are the walls of the room you are in? Light Green. Do you know who the governor of your state is? Oh my. Rick Scott I think. How many different programs are open on your computer right now? Only Internet, but I have a couple of tabs open on that. Have you ever been water-skiing? No, But I would love to try it! What is the weather like? Really hot, but love it. Are you going an vacation this summer and where? Probably some road trip around the country to tour some colleges. Maybe go to the Bahamas or something like that. Anything else? DAMON SALVATORE FOREVER. Last beverage Water Last phone call Tennis Coach Last song you listened to White Horse, Taylor Swift Last time you cried Last night. I had this god awful dream about my brother dieing!!! :0 Last text message That;s the same time the Barbeque starts -.- HAVE YOU EVER: Been cheated on Not that I know of LOL Kissed someone & regretted it Never kissed anyone Lost someone special Hasn't everyone? LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLORS: IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU: Fallen out of love Does a TVD character count? Laughed until you cried LOL YUS! Met someone who changed your life My best Friend! Found out who your true friends were Yah. RANDOM: How many people on your friends list do you know in real life Everyone How many kids do you want to have Two Do you have any pets A doggie :3 Do you want to change your name No! I love it! What did you do for your last birthday Stayed at a fancy hotel What time did you wake up today Seven Freaking O'clock!!! What were you doing at midnight last night Sleeping, but I normally read Fanfics until this time... Name something you CANNOT wait for The next season of TVD I suppose Last time you saw your father Five minutes ago What's one thing you wish you could change Lots of things that would probably change where I am now, and that is something I certainly DO NOT want. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom Yes, in fact he was a neighbor of mine for a while! What's getting on your nerves right now Tennis Tourney tomorrow Most visited web page Fanfiction. Zodiac sign Gemini Elementary/middle/high school BLAH BLAH BLAH.. I'm sorry, you asked a question? Hair color Dirty Blond Long or short Long, It does a couple of inches above my elbows. Are you a freak YUP! AND PROUD OF IT! Height 5'6 What do you like about yourself My eyes, and my family. Piercings One simple one in each year. Tattoos Nope Righty or lefty Righty. FIRSTS : First piercing When I was nine probably First best friend When I was 4 First sport you joined Does Karate count? Dance? Tennis? First pet Doggie that died a couple of years ago :/ First vacation I was to young to remember, but probably the islands somewhere. First concert Alan Jackson First crush I have no idea CURRENTLY : Drinking Water I'm about to Sleep Waiting To go to bed... YOUR FUTURE : Want to get married? Yes Lol Careers in mind? Radiologist WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? : Hugs or kisses Kisses Shorter or taller Taller. Older or Younger Older. Romantic or spontaneous Both. Sensitive or loud Both. :) Hook- That 'Hooks' me to them at first sight? Eyes :) Maybe their voice or height, too. -(00)- Unknown: A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.' According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless. Act your age, not your shoe size. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. An essay is an attempt to explain something that could have been said in two sentences, in 800 words. An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf. Constipated people don't give a cr*. Curiosity killed whoever got in my way. Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C. Disturbing? Who am I disturbing? This is a coma ward! Don't you WANT them to wake up? Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone. Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. Don't be open-minded. Your brains might fall out. Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people. Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now. Don't knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Don’t steal. The government hates competition. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive anyway. Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. Duct tape is like the Force: it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some darn good ideas. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Evolutionists have proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. First law of science: don't spit into the wind. Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads. Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving. Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Gone crazy. Back soon. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. “I do” is the longest. I am never wrong. Once, I thought I was, but I was mistaken. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. I knew that something was wrong when my imaginary friends would not play with me. I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch it for hours. I plead temporary insanity. I smile because I have no idea what’s going on. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can’t paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock paper scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready-made fist and say, “Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!” I used up all my sick days… so I called in dead. I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly. If at first you don't succeed, change the rules. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If everything’s coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane. If God had intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire. If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws. If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. If Tylenol, duct tape or a band-aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be research. If you can’t beat them, join them. If you can’t join them, sue them, then rub it in their faces. If you can’t convince them, confuse them. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so be quiet… I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? I’m great in bed. I can sleep for days. I'm not crazy. I'm psychotic. There's a difference. I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it. In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues today. It is better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it. It’s you and me against the world. We attack at dawn. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Which is why I recycle. Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Kids in the front seats cause accidents. Accidents in the back seats cause kids. Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway. Knowledge is realizing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad. Life is like a box of chocolates: it’s full of nuts. Life is like a packet of gum. I've yet to figure out why. Life isn't passing me by. It's trying to run me over. Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. Man invented language to satisfy his deep-seated need to complain. May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful. Me, breaking the rules? No, I test their elasticity. Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest. Music is like candy – you throw away the rappers. My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you all at the same time. My imaginary friend thinks you have problems. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, then it’s gone. My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Of course I'm out of my mind, it’s dark and scary in there! One by one, the penguins steal my sanity. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. Opinions are like a*holes; everyone's got one, and they stink. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. People are like slinkies, basically useless, but it’s so freaking hilarious to watch them fall down stairs. People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do. Politicians are like diapers. They have to be changed frequently, and for the same reasons. Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit. Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationery. Sex on TV is bad. You might fall off. She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. Silence is golden… but shouting is fun! Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone. Smile. It confuses people. Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to. Solution to two of the world's biggest problems: feed the homeless to the hungry. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. Some of the most wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen to some of the most awful, undeserving people you know – people who are, in other words, not you. Somehow, my mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a b*. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed. Take candy, not drugs. Tell the truth… and run. Tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember anything. The basic definitions of science are: if it’s green or wiggles, it’s biology; if it stinks, it’s chemistry; if it doesn’t work, it’s physics. The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself. The dinosaurs’ extinction wasn’t an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. The evening news is where the newsreader says “Good evening” and then tells you why it isn’t. The funny thing about common sense is that it's not very common. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre. The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you’re asleep. There are 3 types of people in this world – people who can count and people who can’t. There are 10 types of people in this world – people who can read binary and people who can’t. There are 2 types of people in this world – people who can follow a sentence to a logical conclusion and can I offer you a cup of tea? There are plenty of fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish? There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. There's no such thing as a stupid question. Only stupid people asking questions. There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over. There's too much blood in my caffeine system. They laugh because we're losers. We laugh because they just figured it out. This isn't school! This is hell with fluorescent lighting. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. War doesn't determine who’s right. War determines who’s left. Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again. Water is made up of two gins - two parts hydrogin and one part oxygin. Oxygin is pure gin, and hydrogin is gin and water. We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colours, but they still learn to live in the same box. We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. We’re born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN! When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. When you're blue, a good friend will ask what's wrong. A true friend will try to dislodge what's choking you. Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder. You know your God is man-made when he hates all the same people you do. You know you're crazy when you know the men in white coats by name. You laugh because I’m different. I laugh because you are all the same. You never learn anything by doing it right. Your village called. Their idiot is missing. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. You're just jealous because I’m the only one the voices talk to. -(00)- There are some weird laws out there… (Yeah... Most are from America :P) It is unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. -(00)- 522 things I am no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: 1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colours indicate that they are "covered in bees". 2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. (Best of the lot in my opinion… RIP Steve Irwin.) 3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms does not qualify as "an extra credit project for Herbology". 4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. 5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate. 6. I will not go to class skyclad. 7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore". 9. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful". 10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not. 11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm. 12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this year’s DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. 14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a body lotion or sexual lubricant. 15. "Liften Separatis Crotchum" is not a real spell. 16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life. 17. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms". 18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends". 19. …or the Patils. 20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak. 21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine. 22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts. 23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves. 25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine, even if I yell "Owned!" 26. I am not a sloth Animagus. 27. I am not a Tribble Animagus. 28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha. 29. I do not weigh the same as a duck. 30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. 31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus. 32. I will not lick Trevor. 33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 34. The Ravenclaws are not "mentals in training". 35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental. 36. I will not change the password to the prefect's bathroom to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty". 37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith". 39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" is only funny the first time. 40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey. 41. …or Dean Thomas. 42. '42' is not the answer to every question to the OWLs. 43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously. 44. …or Professor Snape. 45. I am not to owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters. 46. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl. 47. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine". 48. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 49. I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End". 50. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already. 51. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 52. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy. 53. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp. 54. I will not draw an "H" on Percy Weasley's forehead. 55. My name is not Captain Subtext. 56. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as "Veela Pheromones". 57. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a "Big Black Sex Auror". 58. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion. 59. Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda. 60. I am not the Defence Against the Boring Classes Professor. 61. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy. 62. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be. 63. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labelled "Firewhiskey". 64. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes. 65. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy. 66. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become. 67. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape's personal post-box. 68. I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder". 69. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class. 70. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend, or build a tree-house in the Whomping Willow. 71. Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform. 72. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin House mascot. 73. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good vs Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout "There can only be ONE!" 74. I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine". 75. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life," to Lord Voldemort. 76. I will not put books of Muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library. 77. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts, nor am I a member or the founder of that house. 78. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force". 79. Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster", not "My Liege". 80. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death. 81. …or that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord. 82. I will not use Slytherin first years as Christmas decorations. 83. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists. 84. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer. 85. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here. 86. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur. 87. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense. 88. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class. 89. A time turner is not a flux capacitor, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars. 90. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors. 91. I will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour. 92. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. 93. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos". 94. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce "These are not the droids you are looking for". 95. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition. 96. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus. 97. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. 98. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens. 99. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins. 100. "OMGWTF" is not a spell. 101. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss. 102. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing. 103. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. 104. I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing. 105. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix. 106. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive. 107. I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they are real animals. 108. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 109. I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches. 110. I will not douse Harry Potter's Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in the common room. 111. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell. 112. I will not yell "Believe it… or not!" after any of Dumbledore's speeches. 113. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit. 114. My name is not "The Dark Lord Happy-Pants" and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. 115. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation. 116. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps. 117. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling. 118. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts. 119. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams. 120. I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas feast. 121. I will not call Professor McGonagall "McGoogles". 122. I am not allowed to make lightsabre sounds with my wand. 123. "Draco Malfoy takes it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant. 124. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. 125. I will not wear my "DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT!" shirt to school. 126. I am not allowed to re-enact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor. 127. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug a Slytherin Day. 128. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter. 129. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom. 130. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room. 131. It is not necessary for me to yell "BAMF!" every time I Apparate. 132. I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways. 133. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways. 134. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". 135. I will not teach the first years to play "The Penis Game" in the Great Hall during dinner. 136. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them Smurfs. 137. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club. 138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God. 139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry's lips to get him to do what I want. 140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall. 141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 142. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. 143. I will not sing "We're off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office. 144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife. 145. It is not necessary to yell "Burn!" every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor. 146. "Y'all check this-here s* out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell. 147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout "I have the power!" 148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet. 149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni" from various directions. 150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points. 151. I will not teach the front doors to recognise Filch and not let him in. 152. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness. 153. I am not allowed to tell first years that there is a playground in the forbidden forest. 154. Giving Professor Snape a Ton-Tongue Toffee is unacceptable. 155. Singing "Pop Goes the Weasel" when Professor Dumbledore is giving a speech is not permitted. 156. I will not introduce Slytherins to "my pet dog Fluffy", no matter how tempting it is. 157. Shouting "How COULD you betray me like that?" whenever Snape removes house points is forbidden. 158. I will not steal Veritaserum from Snape's store and add some to the teacher's morning tea. 159. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his "happy place". 160. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is "Petrificus Totalus" and must be said with their wands pointed at themselves. 161. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that my teacup says she's lying. 162. I am not allowed to dress up like Neville's grandmother when going to a Halloween party in Snape's dungeon. 163. The forbidden forest is forbidden because it contains werewolves and Acromantula, not because there is a secret cave with the answers to every test, and I should refrain from telling the first years that there is. 164. A bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise. 165. I will not tie-dye all of the owls. 166. I will not shave Mrs Norris. 167. The house elves are not there to do my homework. 168. There is no "Bring a Muggle to School" day. 169. I must stop telling first years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student. 170. I must not throw Mrs Norris out windows. 171. Telling Draco Malfoy to "make like a ferret and bounce" is a bad idea. 172. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and claim that someone put the Imperius Curse on me. 173. I must not throw Hermione's copy of Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom. 174. I must not leave shampoo on Professor Snape's desk with directions on how to use it. 175. I will not tell first years that the best way to study is to stay up all night balancing your textbook on your head, as gravity will cause the information to sink through the skull and into the brain. 176. I will not take a hippogriff to the Summer Olympics to get an unfair advantage at the equestrian competitions. 177. I will not use magic to change test questions into those I can answer. 178. The proper way to report to my teacher is "Yes, sir," not "You can't prove a thing!" 179. A hug is not all Snape needs. 180. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, "There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you." 181. I will not tell Snape he is emo/goth just because he likes wearing black. 182. Harry Potter is not my 'Protection Shield' to carry around to ward off evil. 183. I will not introduce Peeves to IM. 184. …or Snape. 185. I will not tell McGonagall that she is bad luck because she can turn into a cat. 186. I will not introduce Peeves to a TV. 187. I will not tell Filch that he needs to bathe once in a while. 188. I won't sign my homework as "Snaperdoodle". 189. When answering questions in Snape's class, I won't finish my sentences with "dear Snaperdoodle". 190. I will not hand out slips of papers asking students to answer the question: "Do you think Snape is evil?" 191. I will not make a "Too sexy for my shirt" slideshow full of Snape pictures and show it during all of my classes. 192. I will not tell the first years waiting to be sorted that they must confess their deepest secrets aloud while wearing the hat. 193. The "I Hate Snape" Club is not a valid after-class activity. 194. Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong. 195. I will not tell Grawp that "Hermy" will give him a kiss if he eats certain members of the faculty. 196. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony". 197. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves. 198. I will not attempt to set up a satellite dish on the Astronomy Tower. 199. There is no Interpretive Dance course offered at Hogwarts, and I should stop signing up for it every year. 200. Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport. 201. I will not demonstrate how to juggle using two Bludgers and the Snitch. 202. I will not enter the Great Hall running and yelling "We're gonna die!" each time Snape comes to a meal. 203. I will not make farm animal noises in the back of Care of Magical Creatures class. 204. I will not tell first years that divination is their fifth sense. 205. Looking after a virtual pet is not a way to gain extra marks in Care of Magical Creatures. 206. In the annual battle between Death Eaters and Hogwarts I will not sing "Ninety-nine Death Eaters alive in the war..." as we fight. 207. Harry does not wish to wear a tutu to lunch and I should not make him. 208. I will not put black circles over Harry's lenses and tell him he has gone blind. No matter how funny it could get. 209. I will not sing "Ebony and Ivory" whenever I see Dean and Seamus together. 210. I will not tell first years Fang is a hellhound. 211. I will not post notices in common rooms saying that tomorrow is a theme day, wear a costume. Even if it may be vegetable day. 212. "Another One Bites The Dust" is not a song to sing during Quidditch matches. 213. The first few lines of "Mama" by My Chemical Romance are not appropriate to be singing during first year sorting. 214. I will not tell students singing the Fat Albert theme song is a way to gain extra points on potions. 215. I will not insist that Sirius' middle name is 'Lee'. 216. I will not joke about Lupin's "time of the month". 217. I will not offer Crabbe and Goyle a cupcake with Veritaserum. 218. I will not cast "Petrificus Totalus" on myself in order to avoid going to classes. 219. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class. 220. "All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts. 221. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names. 222. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time. 223. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes. 224. Mr Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom. 225. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwarts' smartest student is in another house. 226. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses. 227. I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school". 228. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy". 229. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond. 230. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate. 231. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play. 232. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Snape's office door. 233. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him "The Jolly Green Giant". 234. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable 235. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong - funny, but wrong. 236. Bungee jumping off the Astronomy Tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere. 237. Yelling "BOO!" at Professor Moody is not wise. 238. I am not allowed to use the superglue spell to stick Harry and Draco's hands together. 239. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice. 240. Saying the Dark Mark should be the Slytherin Crest is wrong. 241. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt. 242. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte". 243. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard. 244. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real father. 245. I am to stop asking Professor Snape to the Yule Ball. 246. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy. He does not need to be told… again. 247. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such. 248. I am not allowed to predict the end of the world more than once. 249. I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane Potion with Polyjuice containing hairs from Mrs Norris. 250. Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow. 251. I will not attempt to graft a transplant from the Whomping Willow onto the Hogwarts Christmas Tree in Herbology class. 252. I will not try to make a new basilisk for the Chamber of Secrets. 253. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium". 254. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0" is not an appropriate T-shirt slogan. 255. I will not pay Peeves to rewrite the school song. 256. If Lupin requests something of me, it is considered very rude to refuse by replying, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" 257. Telling Umbridge cardigans are so 1994 will get me in trouble. 258. I must never tell Ron he looks like a puffer fish. 259. I am not allowed to sing "Holding out for a Hero" whenever Harry Potter enters the room. 260. Putting fake spiders around Ron's bed isn't funny. Even when he tries to jump out of the window. 261. It probably isn't smart to ask Draco Malfoy if his hair glows in the dark. 262. No matter how cool it sounds I will not release pixies into the school - it will just end badly. 263. I will not use Muggle hair dye to dye Draco Malfoy’s hair red. 264. It is not a good idea to charm the furniture in the potions classroom to be pink and fluffy. 265. I will not owl Voldemort a bottle of anti-depressants. 266. I will not make Snape an appointment with a Muggle psychiatrist. 267. It is not a good idea to ask Snape if he is off his medication when he is angry. Or ever, for that matter. 268. After using the hair dye on Malfoy, I will not attempt to claim him as the long missing Weasley brother. 269. I will not tell the first years that it is customary to dye their hair in their house colours for their first day of lessons. 270. A lightning bolt tattoo is NOT the "Light Mark". 271. Selling memorabilia with photographs of the 'ferret incident' is not allowed. 272. There is no annual Dress like Dumbledore Day. 273. I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall. 274. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood. 275. I am not allowed to wear Death Eater robes to dinner and shout "Long live Lord Voldemort!" because I think it's funny. 276. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice. 277. I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro. 278. I may not speak Latin in front of the books. 279. I may not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press. 280. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady Macbeth. 281. Neville is not my valet. 282. There is no "Open-Mic Night" at Hogwarts. 283. It is not a good idea to give Malfoy a "love note" from Ginny and vice versa. 284. It is not a good idea to show the notes to Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass. 285. It is a horrible idea to introduce "colour war" to Hogwarts with Slytherin as green, Hufflepuff as yellow, Gryffindor as red and Ravenclaw as blue. 286. Under no circumstances may I introduce rabid fan girls to Harry Potter. 287. I must not introduce Ravenclaws to Muggle geeks or Slytherins to popular Muggles. Or Blair Waldorf. 288. I am not to make a waterfall in the Astronomy Tower so I can surf down after class. 289. I am not allowed to change the Slytherin banner in the Great Hall to a pink and blue banner with a teddy bear on it. 290. Easter in Hogwarts is not to be celebrated by releasing hordes of pink rabbits and making the first years chase them. 291. I am not God. 292. Professor Dumbledore is not God. 293. Despite being near-omniscient, Professor McGonagall is not God. 294. Neither is Harry Potter. 295. I am not the founder of a new religion called "Weasleyity", in which Snape is the devil and Weasleys are the chosen people and are to lead the followers to the light. 296. I cannot make the followers of Weasleyity have red hair and freckles. 297. The Thriller is not the school dance. 298. I may not borrow an extra wand and watch DRUMLINE too many times. The results are too unpredictable, and Professor Flitwick would like his nose back someday. 299. I will never ask Draco if he's ever "gotten in Crabbe or Goyle's pants". With or without his being a ferret. 300. Not only is it a bad idea to mix potions and nitro-glycerine together, it is also dangerous. 301. Sending insulting owls to the American ministry and signing 'Cornelius Fudge' at the end will not entitle you any laughs or sympathy. 302. Singing a song about Umbridge being a 'censored' may be funny, but it is insulting. 303. It is not the best idea to hand in nitro-glycerine and call it your potions homework. We told you it was dangerous already. 304. It is inappropriate to send Professor Binns an invitation to his own memorial service. 305. I will not transfigure good-looking students of the opposite sex's clothing into skimpy swimwear. Nor to any of the teachers. 306. I will not hex the Slytherins' benches to fly around the great hall while they are eating. 307. Changing the slips that are passed out at the end of term to say, "Practising magic during the holidays is encouraged, please try to hex at least five Muggles" is immature and a really bad idea. 308. Just because it was funny to have the school do the Time Warp, I will not teach them how to do the Soulja Boy dance. 309. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 310. Throwing Mrs Norris at the Whomping Willow is not nice. 311. 'Disappearus little brotherus' is not a real spell. 312. I must not ask Voldemort why he looks like Michael Jackson. 313. Starting a betting pool with the Slytherins on when Harry Potter will die is not appropriate. 314. I will not ask Snape "When was the last time you took a bath?" 315. I will not feed Mrs Norris to Fluffy. 316. I will not ask Sirius if he was neutered. 317. I will not throw books at Moaning Myrtle for points. 318. I will not eat Doxy droppings for a bet. 319. Making a Polyjuice Potion and walking up to the person I copied to make them act crazy/act like a human mirror is not funny. 320. The Fat Lady is not possessed by the ghost of Lady Macbeth. 321. I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom. 322. The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of insect repellent. 323. I will not enchant the telescopes on the Astronomy Tower to display non-existent constellations during OWL exams. 324. I will not use the spell used to enchant Bludgers on any food items at mealtimes. 325. Mrs Norris does not like playing with Blast-Ended Skrewts. 326. I am not the wicked witch of the west. 327. …nor will I not refer to Professor Umbridge as such. 328. I will not melt if water is poured over me. 329. …nor will Professor Umbridge. 330. I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose. 331. I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them. 332. …especially not all of them at once. 333. I will not tell non-Muggle students that the reason the metric system is all in tens is because Muggles can't count higher than that. 334. Modifying the old "pail of water over the door" trick to "pail of Bubotuber pus over the door" is really frowned upon. 335. When asked to demonstrate "Muggle technology" by other students, I will not use C-4 and Professor Snape's lab to do so. 336. No part of the school uniform is edible. 337. Bubotubers are not filled with tasty honey, and it is wrong to tell first years that they are. 338. I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets. 339. I will not arrange for us to jump out of a massive cake at our impromptu birthday party for Professor Snape. 340. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by Professor Trelawney, tapping an hourglass and looking at her impatiently. 341. …or the Headmaster. 342. …or, for that matter, Harry Potter. 343. Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at night and shave it off. 344. Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not. 345. The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every curse word is "pretty much forgivable". 346. I will not ask the Room Of Requirement to turn into "Snape's bathroom". 347. I will not change all the house passwords to the titles of Muggle science fiction films. 348. I will not give Voldemort a replica of the Lord of the Rings ring and insist that it will help him rule the world 349. …nor am I to put a curse on it that turns him into a girl. 350. I will not, under any circumstances, bewitch Professor McGonagall's mouth to play classical music every time she tries to talk. 351. It is not acceptable to make fun of a professor's name. 352. Coming up with a fake disease and telling first years they have it is not a good idea. 353. I am not allowed to make your own video game featuring Snape, Umbridge, Percy, Voldemort, and other real people as bosses. I am also not allowed to make Harry Potter the main character. 354. Bribing several girls to attack Snape and wash his hair is a terrible waste of money. It is even worse when I tell him that he now has "girl-approved hair" in detention. 355. I am not to slip Polyjuice potion to as many people as possible to make them look like me "purely for the humour". 356. I am not allowed to cause mass hysteria among the first years by freaking out when the ghosts show up. 357. I will not yell "Someone get Beowulf, Grendel's broken in!" when I see Umbridge. 358. I will not tell Umbridge that it is not Halloween, though her Medusa interpretation is perfect. 359. I will not have the First Years re-enact the battle of Culloden in History of Magic. 360. I will not give Peeves itching powder. 361. I will not attempt to exorcise Professor Binns. 362. I will not try to breed a Thestral and a Grim. 363. I will not use magic to cause students to become their costumes on Halloween. 364. I will not accuse the Minister of being a Death Eater. 365. I will not put Polyjuice Potion in Professor Trelawney's tea, especially with hair from Sirius Black's Animagus form. 366. I will not enchant a stag to attack Professor Snape, claiming it is James Potter resurrected. 367. Installing Muggle fans in Divination class because I claim the AC isn't working is not acceptable. 368. I may not enter the Hufflepuff common room by attempting to shove keys in the entranceway. 369. Claiming my printer was not working is not a valid excuse for a late DADA essay, and it really kinda pisses Moody off. 370. Replacing McGonagall's pumpkin juice with diet coke, while amusing, makes her snort it out of her nose. Detentions aren't quite as amusing. 371. She also does not like root beer. 372. I should not refer to Flitwick as Sergeant Pepper, even if after waking up from a spell-gone-wrong he does look rather rainbow-like. 373. I will not mess up everyone's schedules. 374. I will not put Professor Flitwick on a Christmas tree and claim I thought he was a decoration because of his size. 375. I am not allowed to turn the Gryffindors invisible and tell the first years: "THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU NEXT!" 376. I am not the Headmaster, and am not allowed to sit in the Headmaster's seat. 377. I will not ask Voldemort where his nose went. 378. I will not change the password to the Slytherin dorms to "Long Live Harry Potter". 379. I will not demand that Trelawney be given a Muggle drug test. 380. I will not sneak Hagrid's latest "pets" into Umbridge's classroom. 381. I will not slip sleeping potions into my professor's drinks. 382. Just because Hogwarts did so well at the Time Warp and the Soulja Boy dance, it does not mean that I can "teach them how to Dougie". 383. It is not funny in any way, shape, or form to suggest to one Dolores Umbridge that she should look for her true love's kiss to turn back into a prince. 384. I will never tell Professor Trelawney that she ought to use a brush once in a while. 385. I will not tell first years that their wardrobes are portals to Narnia. 386. I will not use Crookshanks as bait for "Fluffy fishing". 387. I will not make random hisses at Harry Potter in the hopes of accidentally saying something he can understand. 388. Addressing Professor McGonagall as "kitten" is a very, VERY bad idea. 389. Asking Madame Prince if she is a "naughty librarian" is simply inappropriate. 390. I will not make "That's what she said" jokes during class, no matter how perfect the opportunity. 391. I will not place shrinking charms on the skirts of the female students. 392. Giving Professor Trelawney a Muggle snow globe and claiming that it is a crystal ball is NOT funny... especially when she rambles on to the rest of the staff about the "impending attack of the talking snowmen wearing top hats". 393. I will not enchant hundreds of chocolate frogs in the school and call them Umbridge's children. 394. I will not sell Muggle pens to students for a profit; no matter how much neater they are to write with. 395. I will not bribe the house elves the put love potion into all the cups except Harry Potter's to see how Harry would deal with it. 396. I will not charm the Great Hall doors to shout "You shall not pass!" every time someone tries to get in. Even if Professor Dumbledore thinks it's funny. We would like to eat, you know. 397. I am not allowed to enchant the ceiling in the great hall to rain vomit down. 398. The Gryffindor House motto is not, nor will it ever be, "Leeroy Jenkins". Telling Muggle-born first years this to watch them embarrass themselves is wrong. 399. Telling gullible students that Dumbledore is just a temporary Headmaster until Chuck Norris comes back is not funny. 400. I am not allowed to teach the entire school the song "Abracadabra" for the purpose of bursting into a routine during dinner. 401. There is no such thing as 'The Hogwarts Naked Mile'. 402. The Disillusionment Charm is not to be referred to as 'Going Predator', nor is it to be used to watch horny students going at it. 403. Inferi are not zombies, and I am not to go looking for them for the purpose of re-enacting movies or games such as Resident Evil and Left 4 Dead. 404. You are not "FIRIN' YOUR LAZER" whenever you cast a spell. 405. For the last time, Snape is NOT Batman! 406. I am not allowed to sing "Ding Fries are done" whenever I Apparate. 407. I will not sing the Ghostbusters theme in History of Magic. 408. Flesh eating slug repellent is not a plaything. 409. Claiming to be Lord Voldemort's lovechild is not on. 410. Bludgers are not toys. 411. First year Quidditch lessons are not "target practice". 412. Saying "L’Oreal - 'cause you're worth it!" while flicking my hair is not appropriate in Snape's classes. 413. I am not a living statue. 414. Professor Flitwick will not perform tricks for money. 415. Peeves is not a teacher and as such should not be able to get into the staff room. 416. I will not swap the pages from "Magick Moste Evile" with "The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1". 417. Asking Snape about "Voldie" is not on. 418. It is not funny to shout "shark" while Professor Quirrell is around. 419. It is not funny to shout "Voldemort!" while Harry Potter is around. 420. It is not clever to tell Professor Quirrell to keep his hair on. 421. Professor Dumbledore is not a "weirdy beardy". 422. Asking Umbridge when it's due is inadvisable. 423. First years and house elves are not legal tender. 424. Faking a bomb scare on Platform 9 3/4 is never funny. 425. It is not big or clever to transfigure oneself into Sirius Black on the day of the Minister's visit. 426. Wearing a T-shirt saying "Bigger than Black" is not funny. 427. Wearing a T-shirt saying "Pettigrew is a prick", while true, is not within the uniform regulations. 428. Starting a flash mob on the Quidditch pitch is not a good idea. 429. I shall not put up wanted posters with Harry's face on them. 430. I shall not tell first years that Quirrell is on day release. 431. The potions dungeon is not a hair salon. 432. I will not swap Professor McGonagall’s depilatory cream for Professor Lockhart's hair growth cream. 433. I will not tell first years that pumpkin juice is the Draught of Living Death. 434. House elves are not the instruments of Satan and will not call their master if spun around six hundred and sixty six times. 435. "Hail Satan 666" is not an appropriate comment to write on Educational Decrees. 436. Adding peroxide to Snape's shampoo is not big or clever. 437. It is not my job to redistribute confiscated items. 438. I will not practice communism at Hogwarts; as such it is unacceptable to reallocate Professor Snape's office as lodgings for the proletariat. 439. The kazoo is not an appropriate instrument to play in the school song. 440. I will not attempt to join the Headless Hunt. 441. I am not Lord Voldemort. 442. I will not ask Lord 443. I will not sign Malfoy up for voluntary service with Muggles. 444. Melons are not to be used for bludger practice in the Great Hall or anywhere else for that matter. 445. Umbridge's office is not an outpost of Battersea Dogs' Home. 446. Charming Hermione's hair into an afro is extremely inadvisable; as is then asking her to sing Bob Marley. 447. I am not the Heir of Slytherin. 448. It is unacceptable to teach First Years to sing the "Like a Boss" song whenever they are asked a question. 449. Lady Gaga Day has never been and will never be in the school calendar. 450. I will not psychoanalyse Voldemort or Snape. 451. I will not tell Voldemort to take a chill pill… if I value my life, that is. 452. Shouting "Constant Vigilance!" at first years as a warning does not make hexing them acceptable. 453. I will not attempt to market my Potions work as lubricant. 454. I will not attempt to make Viagra in Potions. 455. I will not ask Harry what happened to Edward. 456. I will not ask Harry why he doesn't glitter. 457. Starting my own religious sect dedicated to Dumbledore's beard is not acceptable, mainly because the beard is not a sentient creature, whatever the Headmaster may say. 458. Telling Nearly Headless Nick that he needs his head screwing on tighter is insensitive and immature. 459. I will not claim that all reality does not exist, including my homework, because quantum physics is not a legitimate excuse. 460. No matter how tempting it is, I will not put a charm on McGonagall to lock her in her Animagus form. 461. I am not allowed to parade around as a centaur. 462. I will not try to make the Wild Ford Anglia mate with magical cars to populate the Forbidden Forest with their progeny. 463. I cannot claim that I do not need to take my Astronomy test by saying I've got a friend in NASA who told me about Mars. 464. I am not allowed to uproot the Whomping Willow and attempt to pass it off as the Hogwarts Christmas tree. 465. I will not refer to Hagrid as the BFG, even if I think he secretly likes it. 466. Dressing up as the Grinch and stealing the Hogwarts Christmas trees and the Slytherins' presents is not, in any sense, amusing. 467. I will not attempt to convince Professor Snape and Harry Potter they are father and son. 468. I am strictly forbidden to attempt to fake schizophrenia. 469. I will not attempt to blame my latest pranks on being possessed by the Heir of Slytherin. 470. Following Professor Snape around wearing wigs and false noses to look like him is not a good idea. 471. I am not allowed to make bombs out of Diet Coke and Mentos, nor am I allowed to teach Peeves how to. 472. I will not tell first years Snape is a really nice guy who's just having family troubles, nor will I suggest they try to cheer him up. 473. I will not insist that Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore are dating. 474. It is frowned upon to send howlers to students, pretending to be their parents. 475. I will not claim to have lost my memory and re-break several pre-broken rules. 476. I am not allowed to declare every day "Gryffindor Spirit Day" and charm everyone's clothes to Gryffindor colours. 477. I am not allowed to create a Harry Potter cheering squad. 478. I am not allowed to change my name to Albus Dumbledore. 479. I am not allowed to point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmobile, Robin!" when Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade. 480. I am not allowed to start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera if I see a Death Eater wearing a white mask. 481. Dumbledore does not have "nakie time". 482. I am not allowed to slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice. 483. I am not allowed to call Dumbledore "Santa Claus" during the Christmas Holidays. 484. I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Claus. 485. I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape’s private chambers to watch him sing “I Will Survive” in the mirror, as it is disturbing. 486. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick’s wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it. 487. I am not allowed to subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls’ bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets". 488. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts. 489. …putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either. 490. A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly. 491. Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy". 492. I am not allowed to send rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort". 493. Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is pointless. 494. I am not allowed to have a private army. 495. I am not allowed to substitute chocolate-flavoured laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate. 496. I am not allowed to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy. 497. I am not allowed to use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors. 498. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover. 499. I am not allowed to try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artefacts". 500. Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as “Spock”. 501. Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as “My Little Pony”. 502. I am not allowed to refer to the four Houses as the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters. 503. Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of Muggle firearms. 504. …although they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either. 505. I am not allowed to use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes. 506. I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is “compensating for something”. 507. I am not allowed to create a betting pool on whether Voldemort is Harry Potter's father. 508. Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka. 509. Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles. 510. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin". 511. I am not allowed to play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape. 512. …or Lucius Malfoy. 513. If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a non-de-plume. 514. I am not allowed to attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes. 515. I am not allowed to refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket". 516. I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron. 517. I am not a “ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter” and should stop shouting this at mealtimes. 518. I am not allowed to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says “All the good-looking ones die young” with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it. 519. I am not allowed to yell "Hey look! It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade. 520. I am not allowed to tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad, bad nightmare about Harry. 521. I am not allowed to charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco Malfoy's wall. 522. I will never, under any circumstances, share this list with Peeves. -(00)- My mother Taught me; My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about the WORLD: "The earth does not revolve around you, little missy!" My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." My mother taught me WEATHER: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." My mother taught me HYPOCRISY: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" My mother taught me about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home." My mother taught me RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when you get home!" My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." My mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" My mother taught me HUMOUR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." My mother taught me GENETICS: "I swear you're just like your father." My mother taught me about MY ROOTS: "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." My mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" -(00)- How to wash a cat: 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. Love, The dog. -(00)- Complete the sentence. Vampires are Amaaaaazing. I will Be the best that I can be. I will never Drop out of school. A werewolf can be totally awesome, or really lame. Pie is great Anytime. Any where. With anyone, and with anything. Some things should be kept to yourself. One mans trash could be someone else's dinner. :( You should never Look down on other. Always try to be a good person. Cats may be stupid. And smelly. And shed. Dogs are man's best friend. Eventually You will get over him. The end of the world will finally take the idiots out of this world. (Just kidding. This would be bad, Very bad.) -(00)- Take 3 minutes and try this...it will freak you out...BUT NO CHEATING! This game has a funny/spooky outcome. Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It's worth a try. First..get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct. Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it! 1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column. 2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want. 3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex. 4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots. 5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11. (Go with your instincts!) 6. Finally, make a wish. And now the key for the game... 1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game. 2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love. 3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out. 4. You care most about the person you put in 4. 5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well. 6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star. 7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3. 8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7. 9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. 10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life NOW...post this bulletin (don't reply) within the hour. IF you do, your wish will come true... If you don't it will become the opposite. -(00)- Computer Related Random Things C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. -(00)- Girls Don't realize these things; (Sadly) I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry But most of all I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm Sorry I'm sorry Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry' (I hadn't even read the next part when I was copying this, but it made me feel pretty good about myself.) If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' I really wish that more guys were like this, and I bet alot of girls do too. -(00)- FEMALE COMEBACKS!! Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Man: Your eyes; they're amazing. If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost -(00)- Reasons why girls are the best... 1.We got off the Titanic first 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. -(00)- 1. Talk endlessly about how cute Bella and Edward are together... 2. ...even if you think your friends cared... 3. ...because they really don't. 4. Make an 'I hate Jacob' forum. 5. Spray paint 'Twilight' on a cop car... 6. ...even if you think it's funny, the cops will not. 7. Use the phrase 'bloodsucker' in your vocabulary. 8. Pretend to have visions of the future. 9. Buy a Silver Volvo... 10. ...it doesn't matter that Edward has one. 11. Go out and see the movie 10 times just to look at Robert Pattinson. 12. Go to the forrest to try and find a meadow. 13. Push a pale person out into the sunlight to see if they glitter... 14. ...because they won't and they'll just end up mad at you. 14. Say, 'Bella Swan' when asked what your name is. 15. Ask random people how long they've been seventeen. 16. Stalk Robert Pattinson. 17. Ask your boyfriend to pretend to be a vampire... 18. ...because chances are he won't want to stand in the snow for five minutes just to get icy skin 19. Call your boyfriend Edward. 20. Look at a magazine and just assume everyone is a vampire because they're all so pretty... 21. ...it's called photoshop. 22. Log on to a fansite and post countless pictures of the Cullen boys... 23. ...even though everyone else is already doing it. 24. Go by the username, 'EDWARDROCKSMIIIISOXCUZHESOSSSSSEEEEEEXXXYYYYYYY' ... 25. ...even if it's true. 26. Go to Forks, Washington. 27. Instantly assume that if someone isn't eating, they're a vampire 28. Try to see if you can go without breathing... 29. ...because you can't. 30. Write your name and any of the Cullen boys name with a heart around it... 31. ...especially on homework... 32. ...your teachers won't find it funny. 33. Whine about how the movie left out so many things from the book... 34. ...your parents really don't care. 35. Try to convince Harry Potter lovers that Twilight is better... 36. ...you will get hurt. 37. Cut yourself then taste the blood just to see how it tastes... 38. ...it doesn't matter that you were just curious. You'll end up in the hospital mental ward. 39. Anytime you see a hot doctor, call him Carlisle... 40. ...he won't think it's funny. 41. Try to read people's thoughts. 42. Sit next to the angsty boy in biology class in hopes that he'll end up being in love with you. 43. Think about Twilight any time you see an apple. 44. Try to go a week without sleeping... 45. ...it won't end well. 46. Drive 50 miles over the speed limit... 47. ...chances are, your neighborhood cops will notice 48. Ask anyone you know that's pale to bite you. 49. Name your twins 'Edward and Bella'... 50. ...when they learn why you gave them those names, they won't be happy. -(00)- 182 Things You Can Do At the Theaters Before or During Twilight!! 1. Bring a cardboard cut-out of Robert with you. Say he's your "date". 2. Go with several friends. Wear black robes and look sinister. Claim to be the Volturi. 3. Separate the theater crowd. Team Edward on one side, Team Jacob on the other side, and Team Switzerland in the middle. It can easily be done if you somehow manage to find a big scary dude to get the crowd to cooperate. 4. Go around the theater and ask everyone questions from the books to see whether they've read them. 5. Wear plastic fangs. Offer plastic fangs to strangers in the audience. 6. Throw popcorn at your enemy side from 3. 7. Shout random spoilers during the movie. 8. Bring a relatively large dog to the theater and say, "It's Jacob" 9. Wait by the door, and when people try to walk in, shove them out and yell, "I will not share!!" 10. Paint yourself in glitter and bring a torch. When the meadow scene comes on, shine it on you and start shouting 'I'M A VAMPIRE I AM I AM! 11. Sing the 'I am a Vampire' song from Juno when Edward comes on/says he's a vampire. 12. Wear a Robert's Mafia badge. 13. Find the particularly immature fans who are obnoxiously sure of their couples (you know the ones. Those little 12-year-old fans who pitch a fit if you aren't a hardcore Bella/Edward fan) and sit beside them. Loudly voice your opinions on the couple that rivals theirs. I.e., "Jacob is most definitely the more reasonable choice for Bella. Edward is just dangerous." Or "Jacob will imprint on someone and leave Bella. Anyone who thinks they truly have a chance together needs to get their heads out of the clouds." 14. Get into heated debates with random people on Edward's sexuality. 15. Shout out "Who's an IMDB Twilighter" in the theater and see how many people yell back. 16. If your blonde, or have short spikey hair, go really pale and whisper to the person next to you, "I'm so proud of my brother, its his first movie y'know!" 17. Bring two podiums and have a random Edward fan and a random Jacob fan debate over the two. Hey, at least it's entertaining! 18. Look at someone as if you're going to eat him or her. Start licking your lips and smile evilly. 19. Wear your fangs and drink cranberry juice out of clear bottles. 20. Play charades and make people guess what book/part they're acting out. 21. Go up to the food serving bit and ask for human blood. If they refuse, reply with "Oh fine, I'll have animal". 22. Wear dark black contacts and eye-shadow circles under your eyes. Then stare at people in the theater. 23. Walk up to someone smell him or her and then say, "No offense... But you smell like a DOG!" 24. Walk up to a stranger and tell you that you have imprinted on them and that they now belong to you, then sit by them the whole time! 25. Turn to the person next to you and say, "I cant believe she got bit in the end" only gonna work if the person is a newbie to the series. 26. Laugh at random moments in the movie especially sad ones Exp: movie- "Bella, James is a tracker and he's coming to kill you" You and friends- 'MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA ohhhhh that was good' 27. Go to the bathroom. 28. Scream, "DOG!" whenever Jacob appears onscreen. 29. Scream, "BLOODSUCKER!" when Edward admits he's a vampire . 30. Scream, "Yes! Edward's gonna score!" he and Bella kiss. 31. Where gold eye contacts and say you're Edward's long lost cousin. 32. Use your dog as a space heater when camping outside the theater the night before the movie releases. (Hey, in December, it's gonna be COLD. Lol Unless, you live in like, Jamaica, or something... ) 33. If BD turns out to not have Bella and Edward together, scream LIARRRRR at Edward when he tells Bella he loves her. 34. Go see the movie, at least weekly, until it comes out on DVD, then do the same thing on said list while waiting for the DVD release at Wal-Mart, and what not. 35. Read the books while waiting for the movie to come out in theaters. 36. Everytime you see Bella and know she's gonna be in danger yell "DANGER 37. At random moments lean over to the stranger next to you, and in a very Jasper like voice, say something like "I feel what you are feeling and you're wrong." Hahaha 38. Instead of bring popcorn to eat, bring apples. 39. Randomly ask people to bite you. 40. During any Jacob/Bella moments (or anything that resembles a Jacob/Bella moment), either howl, "Arooo!" and pant like a dog, or say loudly, "Looks like SOMEONE needs to get FIXED. 41. Take your little sister along. Lay in front of her and start screaming and twitching in agony. Laugh and stand up, unharmed, when people who haven't been introduced to Jane freak out and try to help. 42. Before Edward smells Bella in class for the first time like in the Caf scene when he keeps looking at her trying to read her mind, pull an Aro move, say something like "That IS interesting! " 43. As soon as Rob appears on screen, scream "I LOVE YOU ROB! HAVE MY BABIES!". Be prepared for some strange looks. 44. Wait until Edward and Bella are having their quite moment in the meadow and then scream loudly "HE'S GOING TO BITE HER!!" 45. Ask a random person if they thirst for your blood. 46. Tell a random person you thirst for their blood. 47. This only works if you are a girl, but when you see Bella for the first time, scream loudly "I LOVE YOU BELLA YOU ARE SO HOTTT!!" vice-versa for Edward if you are a guy. 48. When Edward says, "So the lion fell in love with the lamb," scream ROAR!!" and "BAAAAAAH!" 49. Use Twilight pickup-lines on strangers in the audience. "I'm a vampire, wanna see me sparkle?" "Are you ridiculously hot, or is that just the werewolf in you?" "I'm Bella. You're Edward. My virtue means nothing." 50. Before the movie begins, say loudly, "Okay, just so we're clear, no one cuts themselves right?" (if that offends anyone, sorry) 51. Go up to a random blonde chick and say "Edward prefers BRUNETTES!" 52. Seperate the theater into TO's and general movie-goers. Then have a trivia-off between the two sides and be overly obnoxious with your correct answers. 53. Act out scenes from the trailers with a group a friends, being overly dramatic for everything. 54. Yell out "spoilers" that are completely untrue. 55. Dress up as Dr. Phil and make snide comments about Bella and Edward's beep up relationship, no matter how amazing it is. 56. Ask loudly during a very solemn part of the movie, "D'you think Edward prefers boxers or briefs?" Have a setup for this question, and have two friends sit somewhere else in the theater, and get into a loud argument over this. 57. Have one of your friends sit somewhere in the theater away from you reading Dracula or an Anne Rice book. While waiting for the film go over to them (like she's a stranger) and scream "THEY DON'T EVEN SPARKLE!! !!" 58. Right after the "Twilight" line, start singing the sunrise, sunset song from Fiddler on the roof. 59. As soon as bella goes off to the dance studio and james is talking to her ... yell "SHES GONNA DIE!" and throw popcorn / sour patch kids at the screen. 60. As soon as Taylor Lautner (sp?) comes on the screen yell "SHARKBOY!!" (sorry... just had to say it ) 61. Go dressed up like a character from Harry Potter, and when the movie starts, look confused and leave. 62. Start yelling out loud in the middle of class, "I know it's dangerous, Edward! Get out of my head!" 63. When waiting in line for the movie, tell the person next to you the entire plot of the movie (using the same character names, but a different movie plot, ex. "So Bella's parents die fighting off the Volturi. And Bella s left with a crescent scar on her hand... everyone knows her name and she doesn't know why, until a large scary guy tells her the real story of her parents death...") 64. When Bella starts pretend-flirting on the beach with Jacob, yell "BELLA, YOU ARE MAKING THE WORST DECISION OF YOUR LIFE!!" 65. Go to the movie, dress up all fancy and antique-looking and when the movie starts, tell everyone around you casually and proud "That's my boyfriend up there" and point to the screen as they show Edward. 66. Wear a dark robe and grab someone's hand. Laugh in a very Aro-esque fashion and say, "I know your secrets." 67. Scream and giggle madly whenever two characters interact, as though they're your favorite couple. "OH MY CARLISLE, Mike and Edward are glaring at each other! So cute!" "Eee! Jasper is calming Bella down! This is so romantic!" 68. Go up to the guy at the snack stand and say: "If I could dream at all it would be about you." Or something similar. This works really well if he is gangly and has horrible acne. 69. Go up to some random person at the theater and say, "You're exactly my brand of heroin." 70. Use vampire teeth and start getting near the throat of the person seating next to you. When they look weird at you just tell them that you are sorry and do it again 5 minutes later. 71. Buy a hot dog and bite a part with ketchup and with your vampire teeth full of it smile darkly at the person sitting next to you 72. When the person next to you is not watching grab 2 straws and put them on your teeth and said "LOOK I HAVE VAMPIRE TEETH!! 73. Put on a dark cloak in the middle of the movie and start walking around the theatre. 74. Walk around before the movie starts and sit down beside random people and start loudly talking about Stephenie Meyer's conspiracy theories against Harry Potter. Do it all while wearing a Gryffindor robe. Then start bashing J.K. Rowling. Watch them get confused. 75. When Esme first comes on, yell VERY loudly, "I thought her name was Ava!" (only for Grey's Anatomy fans) 76. Every time Jacob or one of his Quiluete (sp) friends comes on, yell, "WEREWOLF" loudly. 77. Upon entering the movie theaters, immediately break into a run and start towards the theater Twilight is showing in full-speed. While running, hysterically scream, "EDWARD! EDWARD!" 78. Proudly wear your "Team Edward" t-shirt. 79. Every time Bella falls down or makes a fool of herself, take a drink of soda. 80. Once the movie has started, turn to your neighbor and ask: "Huh? This is a movie about vampires? I thought it was a documentary film about the advancement of street light technology in the 21st century. Crap. I want my 7 bucks back." 81. Bring a waterbottle filled with red kool aid and label it with an animal that lives in the area. i.e. "Alligator" or "Squirrel". 82. Lean over to the stranger next to you and say, "You smell edible!" 83. Tell the person next to you when you see Victoria "It's a shame that it's the girl that's gonna kill Bella, huh?" 84. When they come back from the tide pools and the Quileute boys are at the beach with Bella seeing them for the first time start singing "Who let the dogs out?" or shout loudly "Alright, who invited the werewolves?" 85. When Jacob comes on the screen and bella is flirting with him go into a hystarical fit, rolling around the floor screaming and crying...then have to be dragged out by the movie ushers screaming "I love you edward!! wait for me!!" 86. Hire a huge bodyguard and tell everyone he is your rented Volturi guard for the night and anyone who has never read the books or is not an imdb Twilighter can "GET OUT THIS IS A PRIVATE VIEWING FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE!!" Then start chanting. 87.Make sure you sit next to a first timer, someone who has never read the books and blurt everything out right before it happens. i.e.:"OOOO.. .he is gonna kill her!!" or "man that relationship will NEVER work!!" Then when they get tired of it and say something to you like, "Excuse me, but i have never read these books and you are ruining this experience for me. I have a right to wait and see what happens and I don't think you should do this just because you read the book!" then when they turn around, start sneezing violently. When they turn to look at you again say "Sorry, but I'm allergic to bull!" 88. Sit behind a bald guy and try to hit the center of his head with your popcorn. Every time he turns around turn around and look at the 12 year olds behind you and be like "Hey that's rude." Then call the movie ushers and have them removed. 89. When the scene with Edward playing the piano for Bella, say: "What?! I thought he played the xylophone!" 90. Wear a red-brown shaggy dog-suit to the theater and only act like a dog. Change back into a human later on making it look like you are 'morphing-back to normal, only wearing a pair of sweatpants and bare chest (for guys haha) 91. When buying food at the concession, yell: " Edward doesn't eat...so I wont either!!" 92. Throw a baseball back and forth with a friend and run really fast to catch it. 93. Leave the theater at all the really important parts, then come back in and ask, "Did he bite her yet?" or, "Is she dead yet?" and then scream "What kind of world is this when a girl with a small bladder can't get the whole movie experience!" when people ask you to shush up. only good if you already saw it 94. Ask random people if they're more attracted to your blood or your body. 95. Leave the theater constantly. Trip every time you leave and come back. Loudly call for Edward to save you. 96. Walk up to someone wearing blue. Tell them Edward thinks you look hot. 97. If you're a brunette, wear blue. Proclaim yourself Bella. 98. In the hospital scene after she gets hit by Tyler start yelling, "He's a vampire!!" 99. Scream that Edward is a Vampire a hundred times before the movie. 100. Scream that you did all 100 things to do while waiting for the movie. 101. Dress up as Bella/Alice/ whoever and BE them. Make your friends dress up too and interact with you as if they really were their character. Scream about how you are NOT in Forks and run around. If you're Bella, trip a couple times. (= 102. Whenever Bella seems to be causing problems with the other characters (like when James first smells her) say in a loud, snide voice, "Y'know, the ACTUAL Switzerland didn't cause this much of a problem." 103. When Jacob makes his appearance, scream, "OH MY GOSH! EW! GET THEM OFF ME! FLEAS!" 104. Bring a Chihuahua with you, and when you get strange looks, reply matter-of-factly, "This is the new and improved Jacob. Travel-sized for one's convenience. " And promptly sprint away. 105. Sit next to a stranger and be very still. Stare into space for a long time. When the stranger finally asks if there's something wrong say, "I have foreseen..." in an ominous voice. 106. When Bella trips start singing, "She hit the floor next thing you know shawtty got low low low." 107. When Edward starts getting close to Bella to kiss her singing the theme of jaws xD. 108. Print out this list and sit by someone who's, no doubt, going to be oneof the people who takes movies so seriously that they'll scream at anyone who even whispers. Whip the list impressively out of your pocket, lean over and seriously ask for suggestions on which things to shout out. 109. Start a standing ovation before the movie starts. 110. Study the sides and get up in the middle of the scenes and act them out with your friends in front of the screen (or go a few times then do this). 111. Make friends with someone who works in the theater and get them to drag you out of the theater at some point, when they do yell 112. Confuse the n00bish movie goers into thinking that mike is edward's competition and divide the theater into team edward and team mike. Debate. Laugh. Enjoy. Then when some person who works at the theater comes and breaks it up, point to some random stranger and yell, "SHE/E STARTED IT!" and quickly run out. 113. Go and dress up and pretend to be Bella. Get a guy friend to go as Jacob or Edward and have a really big public break up with them in the middle of the theater before the movie. (this could actually be even better if its bella/edward and you do it right after the flirting with jacob scene during the movie.) 114. Instead of eating popcorn or candy, bring a large stuffed penguin and pretend you're feasting on that instead. Vampire teeth and fake blood would make it more interesting...Oh and ask anyone thats looking at you, "Wanna bite?" 115. Buy gummi bears, then go on about how great your 'irritable grizzlies' taste throughout the movie. 116. Start going on about the ballet scene at the beginning and how its really unfair that Edward didn't turn Bella into a vampire. 117. When Edward makes his appearance, fall out of your seat and clutch at your chest. Gasp for air in a very New Moon-Bella (or angsty! Bella, in other words) fashion. For better effect, moan, "He's gone" over and over again. 118. After a very romantic Bella/Edward scene in the New Moon movie (if they make one), say in a loud, cheery voice, "Wow, after an intense thing like that, who'd-a thought Bella ended up with Caius in the end?" 119. When Robert appears on screen for the first time, scream "SEXBOMB". 120. Find an Edward look alike, tackle hug them, and scream "EDWARD!". 121. Give the 12 year olds a chance! If they start acting teenybopperish, however, tower over them and claim that you are the Volturi, and you are here to accept their death wish. 122. Go around with a video camera, and quiz people on their Twilight knowledge, and give them small gifts if they get it right. And then post that video on YouTube! 123. Get to the front of the line first, and greet everyone who lines up. Introduce yourselves as Twilight characters. 124. Pick a random person (hot guy) in the crowd and follow them a while, make sure you are wearing red contacts, keep popping in and out and make sure they see a few glimpses of you...basically. ..freak them out!! 125. Bring your grandma and a guy painted in glitter. Reenact bella's dream in front of the screen. 126. Carry your little sister/brother in and ask anyone if they're hungry. 127. When Jasper (and his big freakish poofy hair!) first appears, scream, "OH MY GOSH, IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON!" 128. Have random Alice-esque visions all night about people's futures.Make them as crazy-weird as possible. 129. Ask to shake strangers hands, and then smile and act like Aro. Tell people, "That was interesting. " 130. Enter the theatre looking scared, and try to hide in the back. Have some friends come in dressed in long black robes. Have them haul you out of the theatre, whilst you scream "NO! PLEASE DEAR GOD NO!!" and other such dramatics. Come back in later with pale make up on. Try to "bite" random strangers. 131. Bring one of those paper fortune-tellers/ cootie-catcher things and make people pick numbers and colors. If asked about your bizarre behavior, claim to be Alice using a "vision-channeling device." 132. When Edward shows off his SEXY ABS-erm, I mean, sparkles-burst into a 133. Bring a podium and a large dry-erase board into the theater, and begin a very serious, scientific lesson on why real vampires sparkle. Continuously make a mockery of traditional Halloween fanged, high-collared, Dracula-esque vampires. For added hilarity, have one of your friends dress up as a traditional vampire and storm out of the theater indignantly during your lesson. 134. Claim you are from Denali (One of Tanya's clan) and cry every time you see Bella and Edward together. 135. Hum "Hedwig's Theme" the entire time. 136. Bring a megaphone and during particularly shocking moments in the movie use it to exclaim, "OH MY CARLISLE!" 137. Bring a megaphone and tell people that you are from the Volutri, and any fangirling teenyboppers will be escorted out. And say to one of your friends loudly, "So...you ready for dinner?" 138. Get to the theater SUPER early when no one's there. When people come and try to sit in the empty row that you're sitting in, deliberately tell them that the spot is taken for Bella/Edward/ Jacob/Alice/ Jasper/other Twilight characters. If they try to sit in the seat next to it, say it's for a different character's name. i.e: "Excuse me, that seat's saved for Carlisle...Er, that's saved for Esme...Uhm, that's saved for Jacob...Oh, that one's saved for Rosalie..." 139. Sit next to an older guy or lady and everytime something sad happens, turn to them and proclaim that you feel like there is a huge hole with jagged edges in your chest that is about to be ripped open and will cause you undeniable pain...watch their stunned reaction and then be a creep and get all touchy-feely and blow your nose on their sleeve or something...really works if you want someone to move..ha. 140. Laugh loudly everytime Edward opens his mouth to speak so that no one else can hear him. When someone tells you to be quiet say, "What? That was FUNNY!" 141. Whenever someone (onscreen or off) says, "Alice," quicky shout, "IN WONDERLAND." 142. Have a friend (of the opposite sex ie: boyfriend, girlfriend) come in before you and act like a total stranger. You come in as a werewolf. When you see them, tell them you've imprinted on them, and then immediately start making out. 143. Yell at the end of the movie when Bella and Edward kiss (if they do), "TOO BAD EDWARD LEAVES YOU IN NEW MOON! HA - HA!" 144. During the baseball scene start sobbing insanely loud and cry out, "WHY?! WHY DOES ALICE/CARLISE/ JASPER/EMMET HAVE TO DIE?!" Don't say all the names obviously, just pick one. 145. Say when Edward and James are fighting, "WHY DOES EDWARD HAVE TO DIE?!" 146. Have one of your (hairy?) guy friends come to the theater without their shirt. When someone asks him to put on a shirt or leave, have him run from the theater on all fours, howling loudly as he goes. Turn to the person and tell them to PLEASE not upset a werewolf again as it usually has deadly consequenses. 147. Gather a group of friends and make flyers to hand out outside the theatre explaining that vampires have feelings too and that they should not be exploited in this fashion. make picket signs and chant. 148. Before the movie starts, set up a stand and bet with everyone that you're the palest one of the lot. 149: Have a contest to see who has the best costume, knows the most facts, etc. etc. of people in the theater! 150. Have one person who looks like Edward and another person who looks like Jake and make them stand in front of the theater with brochures saying "VOTE FOR EDWARD AS MR. SWAN"/"VOTE FOR JACOB AS MR. SWAN" and at the end of the movie, count the votes and announce it inside the theater in the middle of a scene! if you want, you could also have an Eric!! 151. Chant TO or Twihard or whatever you wanna be called. 152. Dress up as the Volturi, wait at the entrance and don't let in all the 153. Dress really trashy and wear violet contacts. "Lure" the "victims" into the theatre like this. 154. Watch movies with Rob and Kristen in such as: HP4(and 5), Panic Room, Zathura, Mission Without Permission, and others. 155. Enter the theater by means of a grate and underground tunnel system. When you eventually surface look cunfused and loudly ask if anyone has seen Aro recently. 156. When you first see 'Edward' on the screen yell, "CEDRIC IS RESURRECTED!" 157. Stare at a stranger in the theater intently and when they turn to look at you, you say, "Do I dazzle you?" 158. When Charlie first comes on screen, loudly shout, "Bet no one suspectedhim as part of the Volturi, huh?" 159. Whenever Edward comes on screen, say, "I vant him to suck my blood!" 160. Whenever one of the Cullens starts to walk near Bella, say with increasing volume, "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun!!" like in Jaws. 161. Go to the movie with a friend. One of you bring a stuffed animal of a dog, and one of you bring one of dracula. Sit on opposite sides of the movie. While the movie is playing, continuously throw the stuffed animals back and forth while screaming "EDWARDD!!" if you have the Dracula and "JACOBB!!" if you have the dog one. If possible, make swiss cheese fall from cealing while you both scream "SWITZERLANDD! " 162. When Taylor Lautner comes onscreen, scream REALLY LOUDLY, "I THOUGHT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BIGGER!!" 163. Yell as the movie starts, "Alright, new Harry Potter movie! Yes!" Continue to comment on how awesome Daniel Radcliffe is, even if it's clearly Rob. 164. During all of the romantic scenes with Edward and Bella shout, "Take that Jacob Black!" 165. Follow anyone wearing a tan jacket around and sniff them. 166. Get there a good 3 hours early and go up to the people in line for the showing before yours and say loudly to the people you are with, "YOU KNOW, THE VAMPIRE BITES HER IN THE END. SHE DIES. I'VE READ THE BOOK." Knowing full well that it isn't true, but just to make the people mad. 167. When the lineup to get into the theatre gets really long, strike up an arguement with anyone near the front of the line about why you are a bigger Twilight fan than they are. 168. Dress up as a mountain lion and proclaim that, "Edward can eat me anytime he wants!" 169. Publicly mock anyone who might have come to the opening night with fangs or any other typical vampire getup, not knowing any better. 170. Have you and your friends dress up like the Volturi and ask loudly to the theatre at large before the movie, "Has anyone here seen a Carlisle Cullen? Aro has an important message for him!" when no one answers, pretend to discuss with your friends and then yell out: "It's feeding time!!", advancing on the crowd... 171. Bring a notebook and take notes on whatever, making your movements frantic and noticeable to the person next to you. Glare at them when they look at you questioningly and shift in your seat to keep the notebook's contents out of their sight. When the movie ends, quickly stand up, throw a black cloak over yourself and sweep mysteriously out of the theater. Avoid seeing them on your way out of the building. You know they'll be wondering about you. 172. At the very end of the movie, stand up dramatically and say, "So wait. Edward doesn't kill Bella. And Bella doesn't hook up with Eric. This is such a rip off!!" and storm out of the theatre. 173. Cry at the funniest moment, laugh at the most dramatic. Get a friend to ask loudly, "DO YOU HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER OR SOMETHING?". 174. Wear superlight makeup and body glitter with your vampire getup. 175. Dress up as vampire-movie theater workers (volturi would work too) and inform people that they cannot enter the theater with out their Twilight book or they muct be able to prove that they have an adequate knowlege of the book (or if they wear a Twilight tee shirt). 176. Try to go to a later showing, where nearly everyone is unfamiliar with the book. Ruin it for them in every way possible. 177. Yell loudly when Edward and Bella kiss, "EDWARD! !!WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME??NOOOOO!!" 178. During some quiet point in the movie, yell, "I BET EDWARD AND BELLA GET TOGETHER IN THE END!!" 179. Remark to random strangers romantic lines from the books like, "Do I dazzle you?" and, "If I could dream at at all, it would be about you..." 180. Any time Edward says "Bella" and then pauses, say, "I'm gay." REALLY loudly. 181. When Jacob first comes on, sing "Na na na na na na na, SHARK BOOOY!" like the Batman theme. 182. Make your pale friend hold an apple with both hands. -(00)- What are you? I actually did this backwards, so I figured out what I was last... try it! It's kinda stereotypical, but it's pretty cool :P PREP GOTHIC X Black is one of your favorite colors. PUNK You can skateboard GEEK X You love the computer. Athletic HARDCORE//scene You like loud music -(00)- 13 things PMS Stands for: 13. Pass My Shotgun -(00)- WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS: 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.) 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 24. Masturbate. 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply. 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect. 36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam. 37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it. 42. Dress like the professor. 43. Cross-Dress. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. -(00)- HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001 When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family, " but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty. A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter animals in order to prevent unwanted animals. Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet. Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY. -(00)- 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. -(00)- E -(00)- This saying reminded me so much of Twilight, it's pathetic!! When I first saw you... I was afraid to meet you... When I first met you... I was afraid to kiss you... When I first kissed you... I was afraid to love you... But now that I love you... I'm afraid to lose you... I found that little poem and I thought it matched the representation of Edward's take on Bella 100 percent perfectly!! If you think so too, copy and paste this to your profile. -(00)- Edward vs Normal guys. A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!” Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.” Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!” A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you. If you die, a normal guy would find another. As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!” As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice. A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast. While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress. A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio. While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.” A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares. A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates. -(00)- 5 ways to open a banana: 1. Hack it into small pieces and then use a spoon to get the little pieces of banana out of their little peels. 2. Tie the banana to a tank of gas then throw the tank into the air and shoot a flaming arrow through it. 3. Stomp on it until the insides squishes out through the top. 4. Drill a hole through it and then use a toothpick to get the insides of the banana out. And last but not least... 5. Simply peel it. -(00)- Pick the month you were born: Pick the day (number) you were born on: Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: I smelled a pickle because Big Bird said to and he is my leader XD -(00)- I promise to remember Bella Each time I carelessly fall down And I promise to remember Edward Whenever I'm out of town I promise to obey traffic laws For Charlies sake of course And I promise to remember Jacob When my heart fills with remorse I promise to remember Carlisle Whenever I am in the emergency room And I promise to remember Emmett Everytime there's a huge boom I promise to to remember Rose Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty And I promise to remember Alice When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me I promise to remember Nessie When I see that beautiful bronze hair And I promise to remember Esme When someone tells me they care I promise to remember Jasper Whenever my stomach isn't curled And I promise to remember the Volturi When someone speaks of dominating the world Yes, I promise to love Twilight Wherever I may go So that all may see my obsession Because I know what the Twilighters know Copy and paste this on your profile if you're a true Twilighter/Fanpire/etc... -(00)- 26 THINGS THAT A PERFECT GUY WOULD DO! -(00)- Excerpt from a dog's diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM – Dog food for dinner! My favorite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Diary. Day 983 of my captivity. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage... Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... -(00)- 10 Ways to Annoy the Cullens 10. Visit Carlisle at the hospital for every papercut, hiccough, and scrape imaginable. -(00)- Edward Pick-up Lines: 10. “I have a private island. Wanna see it?” 9. “Pardon me Miss. I…uhh..hello? Dang it! She fainted again. Why can’t I stop dazzling people?” 8. “Cullen. Edward Cullen.” 7. “Hi, I’m Edward. I can be the super hero or the bad guy.” 6. “I play the field. And it looks like I just hit a home run with you.” 5. “I’m an addict. Will you be my heroin?” 4. “Have you been drinking? Or do I intoxicate you?” 3. “Hi. The voices in my head just told me to come talk to you.” 2. “My sister can see the future. Let me give you a clue, it’s Me You.” 1. “Am I dead? Because I think I just met an angel.” -(00)- You Know You're Addicted to Twilight when... 1. You have 10 full pages of Twilight sayings, quotes, graphics, and pictures. 2. At the top of your List of Destinations is Forks, Washington. 3. After Edward Cullen, the boys in your class just don't look as good as they used to. 4. Twilight is your new favorite time of day. 5. You and your friends have looooooooong and heated discussion over who's better, the werewolves or the vampires. 6. Your dogs have names like Sam, Jacob, and Leah. Your cats have names like Edward, Alice, and Bella. 7. Your bumperstickers say thing like "I heart EC" or "I run with werewolves" or "Who needs dracula when you've got Edward Cullen?" 8. Your dream car: a silver Volvo. 9. Whenever there's a thunder storm, you go out looking for vampires playing baseball. 10. You like your men cold dead and sparkling! 11.. Your having trouble dealing with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character. 12. You tell people: Read Twilight or I'll provoke the Volturi and blame you!" 13. You need the next book like a crack-head needs his next hit. 14. Edward Cullen helped you get over your ex. 15. Your stay single until you find a vampire. 16. None of the above behaviors seem odd to you. You Know You're Obsessed with Twilight Fan Fic when… ALL AND TOTAL CREDIT FOR THIS NEXT PART GOES COMPLETELY AND FULLY TO The Dawn Is Breaking, AND HER STORY, YOUR OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT FAN FIC WHEN... 1. You were expecting Mike Newton to somehow try to win Bella in Breaking Dawn. 2. You spend hours on end reading nothing but fanfics... 3. ...even the bad ones with overused cliches. 4. All Alice does is shop, shop and shop… 5. …even when it was only mentioned in one of the Outtakes on Stephenie Meyer's website. 6. You're convinced that vampires play truth or dare, make bets and prank each other in their spare time. 7. You read Jasper/Bella couples… 8. …and Bella/Emmett… 9. …basically anything involving Bella slash stories that does not involve Edward or Jacob. 10. You also read Edward/Alice… 11. ...and Edward/Rosalie… 12. …need I say more? 13. Somehow, Edward and Jacob managed to place aside their immense hatred for each other, and eloped, leaving poor Bella behind… 14. …they also had little vampire/werewolf hybrid babies, even when it is virtually impossible. 15. Charlie/Jacob fanfiction doesn't make you cringe anymore. 16. You now want a vampire kitty… 17. …even though Stephenie Meyer said that it was impossible to have a vampire animal when she was on the Germany tour. 18. You are in a constant state of confusion when trying to distinguish between the fan fiction and the actual books. 19. You didn't expect Edward to come back in New Moon until God knows when, thus technically Eclipse and Breaking Dawn would never exist. 20. You honestly thought that Bella joined the Volturi. 21. You also thought that Bella was changed by Victoria. 22. You wondered what would happen if the Cullens read the Twilight series… 23. …and watched the movie… 24. …and met Stephenie Meyer/Rob Pattinson (a.k.a Rpattz a.k.a Spunk Ransom a.k.a Bobby Dupea). 25. You refuse to believe that Emmett had several university degrees and that he is actually pretty intelligent. 26. You also refuse to believe that Rosalie wears anything but mini-skirts and skimpy tops. 27. You were halfway through Eclipse when suddenly you go "Where's Bella's long lost sister/brother/cousin/friend/etc." 28. You started using the words 'Flames', 'Lemons' and 'Fluff' in your everyday language, and everyone is confused by what you say. 29. You made an account on Fanfiction dedicated to reading and writing Twilight Fanfic only. 30. Your username has something to do with the Twilight books. 31. Instead of being two, Claire is already seventeen and has hooked up with Quil. 32. Half of your files on the computer are schoolwork, and the rest are Twilight fanfics. 33. Okay, scrap the above point. The fanfics outnumbered the schoolwork 2:1. 34. You spend countless hours in front of the computer either reading or writing fanfiction. 35. You are either immune to crappy fanfic cliches or want them to BURN IN HELL!! 36. After three weeks of reading All Human fanfics only, you actually forgot that the Cullens were vampires. 37. You're convinced that all the Cullens ever do in class are pass notes to each other... (Jasperwhitlockhale4ever) 38. ...in which some random annoying human -cough- Mike -cough- Jessica -cough- Lauren are asked by the teacher to read the notes out loud... 39. All the Cullens spend their whole day talking to each other on MSN... 40. ...even if their rooms are next door to each other... 41. You've put the Twilight Fanfiction Archive on Favourites 42. It is actually your homepage... 43. You get pissed off about those "You're Obssessed With Twilight When..." lists when it goes like this – You were too busy to notice number 12...And you scrolled up to check...And you're laughing at your own stupidity... 44. To you, the only OOC characters are actually in the original books 45. Forget Voldemort, Harry Potter and his friends are fighting the new kids in Hogwarts – the hot, talented and sexy Cullens!! 46. A typical conversation between Sirius and Jacob goes like this – (Sirius) "My long-lost son! Finally, I am able to meet you after such a long time!" (Jacob) "Oh Father! I've missed you so much!" (Insert ten-minutes of sobbing and hugging that's gag-worthy) 47. You wonder at what would happen if Jacob - okay, fine - the whole La Push werewolf pack met Remus Lupin... 48. ...and the true Children of the Moon... 49. ...and you're actually planning to write a fanfic about it 50. The majority of your inbox messages are from Fanfiction 51. You have more friends on Fanfiction than in real life... 52. ...due to the fact that your lunchtimes are spent planning/writing out fanfiction 53. You do those copy and paste thingies on your profiles... 54. ...yes, over three-quarters of them have to do with Twilight 55. You're in trouble at school that your assignments and homework are not due on time... 56. ...hey, look on the bright side! At least there are more than 150 reviews on most of your stories 57. Bella gets pregnant. With Edward. And the baby isn't Nessie. 58. Bella gets pregnant. With Jacob. 59. Bella gets pregnant. With either Mike, Tyler, Eric, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, James, Laurent, the Volturi guys, the werewolves, I mean shape-shifters (Leah doesn't count), Mr Banner, Billy Black, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Voldemort, Dumbledore, some random rapist from California (no offence to you Californians, honestly), a cross-dresser from Las Vegas (no offence to you Las Vegas people), Osama Bin Laden... 60. It's that time of the month for Bella. And Edward is either sent to buy tampons/pads and gets all nervous about it, goes missing for the duration of the period, or holds his breath and hopes for the best. 61. You've read at least ten fanfics on the topic of 'the birds and the bees' 62. Angela is actually a witch…in Hogwarts… 63. …and Bella and Edward has been changed into an apple by her 64. Oh my Carlisle…Emmett actually likes Disney Princesses and other girly stuff… 65. …and Alice conveniently figured that out and used it as blackmail 66. You've spent hours on end, without any breaks for food, water and the bathroom, reading fanfics from the time you finished breakfast, to the time you finally sleep at two in the morning. 67. Okay, screw the above point. You don't even bother about breakfast, opting instead to snack on Pop-tarts while reading fanfics 68. Your parents are complaining that you need more exercise instead of "sitting in front of the computer and getting fat"… 69. …they are also complaining about how you have no social life, in which you indignantly reply that, due to the amount of reviews you have on most stories, you reply their comments, thus have lots of people to talk to 70. You read two or more fanfics at once 71. Your computer is opened right now, and the windows look something like this – fanfic, fanfic, your profile, someone else's profile (of copy and pasty things, of course), and two new stories/chapters on Word 72. Your parents don't even bother talking to you anymore – your language is a fusion of Twilight, English and Fanfiction talk. 73. You wonder what would happen if the Cullens met the gang in Maximum Ride… 74. …OMC!! THE CULLENS HAVE WINGS!! 75. OOC Edward is a gangster, refers to his sisters as his 'whores', his bros as 'pimps', and Bella as 'smoking hot baby' 76. That also goes for OOC Jasper… 77. …and OOC Emmett… 78. …and OOC Alice… 79. …and OOC Esme… 80. This is probably what's going on in your mind while reading fanfics – "Hmmm…what if Emmett did –insert something random-" or "What would Jacob do when –insert scene of Team Edward fangirl bashing him up-" 81. If it weren't for Fanfiction, you never would have realised that Emmett actually likes singing along to Hannah Montana… 82. …and that Edward sings to Spongebob Squarepants 83. You wondered what would happen if Emmett met Hannah Montana… 84. …then again…maybe not… -shudder- 85. You see a bunch of lemons in a grocery store, and start giggling for five minutes straight… 86. …it also gave you inspiration for another fanfic that would be full of lemony goodness 87. You were caught writing your latest fanfic in class… 88. …it was a lemon… 89. …and the teacher was either blushing, pissed off, or had sent you to seek counselling 90. You're reading this list, and you're nodding and smiling at the majority of the points here… 91. …and you're going to use this as a checklist… 92. …and you're doing something from this list during the day, most likely point 85… 93. Now, every time there's a list, you read every single word and number of every single point to make sure to you don't fall for the 'number 84 was missing' or 'there were two "the" in the above point 94. Point 84 was missing… 95. …haha!! Did you honestly think I was going to do that after I complained about it in one of the previous chapters?! 96. When someone asks you what you're doing, you immediately reply: "Fanfiction" 97. You got your friends hooked on to Twilight fanfics, just like the actual novels… 98. …and no one outside of your friendship groups knows what you guys are talking about now because they mainly consists of this – "OMC!! I've got this random reviewer flaming me for one of my newer, lemony fanfics!" "Really?! Is it the one about OOC Edward and OOC Jacob having a…you know what? Because that is understandable!" "What?! You WROTE a lemon about Edward and Jacob going at it?! How could you?! Thank Carlisle for that flamer!! You despicable bitch!!" 99. You don't even know what the hell is going on in the outside world now... 100. ...although you do know that you got exactly 57 visitors on one of your fanfics in the space of one day, according to the new Reader Traffic thing 101. You stay up till 2:00am reading Fanfiction 102. You have created a whole new separate e-mail account, just for fan fiction, 103. You want to kill Mike for raping Bella 104. You want to kill Mike for killing Bella 105. You want to kill Mike for stalking Bella 106. You want to kill Mike for tricking Edward and making him leave so he can get 107. You want to kill Mike (who needs an excuse!) 108. You have found the new Stephenie Meyer 109. Your disclaimers make you cry 110. You were supposed to be "studying" for your Maths/English/Science/whatever exam that's tomorrow… 111. …yep, you're reading Fanfiction, you're screwed, but you don't care… 112. When you go to 'sleep' –cough- -cough-, you get your Ipod and enter Safari and read Twilight Fanfiction until ONE in the morning… 113. …that probably explained why you got shadows under your eyes every morning, and that you looked like a vampire 114. You spend your free time with friends (if you have any!) in discussions about the characters' actions in fanfics, and how you think that they would less OOC 115. You have a severe mental breakdown if you're kept from reading Fanfiction for more than one day 116. You have a severe mental breakdown if you're kept from reading Fanfiction for more than an hour 117. You repeatedly check your emails everyday, just to make sure you haven't missed anyone's chapter update 118. You've added 'Fanfiction' to your dictionary 119. You just added 'Fanfiction' to your dictionary 120. You have to check your Stats, Story and Profile Traffic Page every few minutes to check if you'd missed anything. 121. You knew about the Movie Fanatic coverage story on Twilight Fanfiction… 122. …you cried when your fanfic wasn't mentioned… 123. …you cried when your fanfic WAS mentioned… 124. You were busted by your teacher after you used your school computer to read a lemony Fanfiction 125. When you're depressed, you read the reviews on your stories to cheer you up… 126. …when you read a flame, you go into a mental breakdown 127. Your friends learnt not to say the word 'lemon' in front of you 128. Your parents learnt not to say the word 'lemon' in front of you 129. You somehow manage to turn the conversation back to Twilight Fanfiction from any topic… 130. …even if it's about Nelson Mandela, logarithms or watermelon… 131. You barely go out anymore, preferring to just sit in front of the computer and read the latest fanfic from your favourite author 132. If you aren't on Fanfiction, you are on other Twilight sites or chatrooms telling them to check out your latest fanfic 133. You are constantly in trouble by your teachers for not having your homework due on time 134. You are constantly in trouble by your teachers for not having your homework due at all 135. You sometimes wish that you could kidnap a really smart person so that they could do your homework while you go on Fanfiction 136. You write one-shots for any writing challenge when you are bored… 137. …even if you've already done it before 138. You were watching the US Election/the stock market/Prince Charles' 60th birthday, and it actually gave you inspiration for your fanfics 139. Now, you're thinking of writing a fanfic about Sarah Palin meeting the Denali Coven, Alice and the Global Credit Crunch or Carlisle and Prince Charles having a wife swap (haha, lol…) 140. You're kinda sick to death of all those fanfics with Edward watching the 40-year-old Virgin (no offence to those who wrote those stories…) 141. You've made an account on Fanfiction, FictionPress, and other Twilight Fanfiction sites to post your different fanfics 142. You've made an account on Fanfiction, FictionPress, and other Twilight Fanfiction sites to post the same fanfics and to get more reviews 143. You honestly thought that one of the characters you've created on Fanfiction actually did appear in one of the books 144. You read poorly written fanfiction just to cheer yourself up 145. You honestly thought that Edward was running for President 146. You go onto people's profiles just to vote in their polls and to see what other stories they had written 147. You go onto people's profiles just to see your name on the copy and paste thingies… 148. …you squee when you see your name at least once 149. You truly believe that Fanfiction is your anti-drug… 150. …okay, scrap that. You truly believe that Fanfiction is your drug 151. Your parents now punish you by not letting you go on Fanfiction… 152. …or by making you read really crap ones with no plot, Mary Sues, and chatspeak 153. As an excuse, you call going on Fanfiction "Doing a supplement course for English" 154. As an excuse for not doing homework, you were "finishing the story that you had to read for English last night" 155. Dreaming about Bella and Edward's honeymoon (plus the details) doesn't make you cringe anymore 156. You wake up at six o'clock in the morning just to write fanfics 157. You bring a notepad and pen around when you get a really good idea for your fanfics 158. You are now considering a career in writing fantasy/romance/comedy/etc novels 159. You reply to every single reviewer when you have nothing to do… 160. …even those that said "Lol, that was HILARIOUS!!!" 161. You and your friends re-enact the crazy Twilight fan girls in your favourite Fanfic 162. Your friends call you albino because the computer screen bleached your skin… 163. …you take it as a compliment, as you think that now you look closer to a vampire 164. You bought your mobile simply because it had the Internet 165. You are reviewing stories at half past one in the morning 166. Your friends are fed up of hearing that you got however many reviews 167. Your friends are fed up of hearing that you posted up a new Twilight lemony fanfic 168. Your friends are fed up of hearing you say anything Twilight Fanfiction related full stop 169. You thought of starting up a Twilight Fanfiction club at school 170. You actually started a Twilight Fanfiction club at school… 171. …with you as the President 172. At Book Club, when it was your turn to recommend a good read, you immediately reply "there's this really, really well-written Twilight story on Fanfiction…" 173. …it turns out to be your own 174. In your fanfiction, Edward is your boyfriend, Alice is your best friend, Emmett is the brother you wish you have… 175. …and Jacob is around when you're cold 176. Christmas isn't Christmas without reading a couple of Christmas-sy fanfics, involving Alice going over the top with decorations, Emmett getting drunk on eggnog, Bella refusing any presents, Edward shielding Bella from a falling four-metre (12 foot) heavily decorated tree, Rosalie wearing a Christmas suit worthy of a porn magazine, and Jasper is just there leaning on the stairs looking bored, as usual 177. You always wondered how the little kiddies would react if Edward/Emmett/Jasper/other hot Twilight guy dressed up as Santa Claus 178. You always wondered how the mothers would react if Edward/Emmett/Jasper/other hot Twilight guy dressed up as Santa Claus 179. In getting into the Christmas spirit, you wrote some songfics on popular Christmas carols with Twilight-related lyrics… 180. …you actually performed those Twilight carols to random strangers at church, on the streets, knocking on their doors, etc 181. You have OTFD (Obsessive Twilight Fanfiction Disorder), which could be broken down to either LCFS (Love Cullen Fanfiction Syndrome), Werewolf-Fanfictionitus, SSD (Swiss Story Disorder) or Mike-Is-Going-To-Be-Screwed-nomia… 182. …you could still have Anti-Crappy-Twilight-Cliched-Syndrome as well 183. You don't go through one day without saying something you got off fanfiction… 184. …it has usually got to do with your (lack of) sanity 185. You actually printed out your favourite fanfics, laminated them, and hanged them in the shower, put them near the toilet, etc so you can read them wherever you are in the house 186. Your parents are considering sending you to see a psychiatrist due to your inaudible mutterings about Bella/Jasper pairings, Mary-Sue clichés, and anything else that has got to do with Twilight Fanfiction 187. Your parents are considering sending you to see a psychiatrist due to your conversations with random Twilight characters… 188. …you plan to record these conversations and post it on Fanfiction 189. At least one of your reviewers is fighting you for your story… 190. …it started involving characters not only in Twilight, but Harry Potter, the Wizard of Oz, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc 191. Your parents/friends/etc don't even bother asking you what you're thinking right now, as it would most likely involve Edward Cullen buying tampons, Emmett giving Mike a wet willie, Jacob trying to surf in La Push, and Bella blushing after Jessica kept pestering her about her "first time" –wink- 192. You have a party every time you get a hundred more reviews for your stories 193. You usually multi-task every night between Twilight Fanfiction and homework… 194. …somehow, you never actually get work done… 195. You refuse to read/write any other fanfiction besides Twilight 196. You honestly thought that Jacob and Leah are meant to be 197. You write fanfiction that is based on real life… 198. …complete with setting, characters and events 199. You got this random thought about Emmett asking Bella if she wanted a frozen banana, in which Bella said yes and Emmett pulled down Edward's pants (complete with undies) 200. You hardly ever read fanfiction anymore due to the growing number of reviewers threatening you with pitchforks and machetes if you don't update soon 201. You dream every night about Jake imprinting on you and asking to marry you... 202. …but you said no, because Edward has proposed too. 203. To you, seeing your story recommended on someone else's profile is like peeing in your pants – everyone can see it, but only you alone could feel the warmth tingling feeling. 204. As soon as you see a computer, you immediately run up to it, type in whatever you can on the new chappie of your fanfic… 205. …and just before the end, you either a) email it to your computer, b) print the copy out, c) save it onto your memory stick or d) try to finish it off and post it on Fanfiction 206. You have no more real life friends. All your friends are from Fanfiction 207. You've considered making a shirt saying 'Team Edward/Jasper/Emmett/James/Jacob/whatever because of a fanfic that you have read 208. You read and write your fanfic wherever you go 209. You've got more than a hundred incomplete stories on your fanfic lists… 210. …and about two hundred completed ones 211. Your day goes something like this – wake up, fanfic reading, school, fanfic reading, homework, fanfic reading, (pretending to) sleep while reading fanfics 212. You sleep for around about three hours a night because you read too late into the night 213. You got a lot of incomplete stories in your documents folder that hasn't been touched since three months ago 214. You were campaigning hard for the school to unblock on all its computers during school hours… 215. …you went into a mental breakdown when they refused 216. Edward/Bella lemons are the perfect bedtime story… 217. …or Jacob/(insert your name) ones 218. You don't actually read Author's Notes on other people's fanfics, but you still make yours long 219. You actually do read Author's Notes to pass the time 220. Your friends think you are constantly in La-La Land, but in reality you're thinking of potential plots for you new fanfic. 221. Your locker in school is full of copies that have half written stories on them 222. One of your ideal guys/girls is a character in a fanfic or an author 223. You wrote your Romeo and Juliet essay on Bella and Edward, and posted it on Fanfiction 224. Your teachers know that when you're upset in school, you got a flame 225. You understand the terms AU, AH, OOC, lemon, BxE, JxA, RxEm, CxE and JacxRen 226. You won't read anything that says JacxRen, because to you, that never happened 227. Because of the amount of fanfics you've read, you can't decide which Cullen boy you like more – Edward, Emmett or Jasper 228. You also can't decide on which werewolf is hotter because of the fics you read 229. You believe in half vampires/werewolves 230. You punched a person at school because they either said a) Fanfiction sucks, b) your fanfiction sucks, c) –insert random pairing that you hate- is hot, d) something about Edward and Jacob being locked in a closet for hot gay sex, or e) posted a flame on your story… 231. …that person went to hospital, you were about to be suspended, but your parents was like "That's not punishment! Reading/writing Twilight fanfics for three days is not punishment!"… 232. …in the end, your parents hacked into your account and refused to tell you the new password for three days. 233. You blame your falling Maths, Science, etc marks for you spending more time doing something English related… 234. …for some very odd reason, your English is getting worse as well, but that's probably because, instead of writing Twilight related essays, you have to write shit about Shakespeare 235. You are petitioning for the school syllabus to include Twilight Fanfiction as an important topic in English… 236. …The reason? Everyone needs to be informed of the Twilight boys' hotness, fanfiction is something in real life that everyone would need to know if they want to function, and to prevent the surge of preferences to Mary Sues and unoriginal plots 237. You're writing parodies about Mary Sues and crappy storylines 238. You've started dreaming about random fanfics that you had read, starring you as the central character 239. If you have to bring one thing on a desert island besides the bare necessities of survival, you would have a laptop with Internet access… 240. …so who cares if you don't get off the island? I mean, you get to read Twilight fanfiction, day in, day out! 241. People have stopped thinking you are random. They now know that all the insane things you talk about are somehow based on Twilight Fanfiction 242. You have been known to stop in the middle of what you were doing and run towards the nearest computer and type up your fanfic 243. You require five reviews everyday before school… 244. …your parents had pretty much given up on you 245. You can't look at lemons the same way again 246. Every song you listen to has to relate to Twilight or Twilight Fanfiction in some way, and if it doesn't, you either hate the song or write a fanfic on it 247. You're planning to go on Fanfiction and give out reviews on special occasions… 248. …you also plan to update on those occasions 249. Because of Fanfiction, you wonder if Edward is really paranoid 250. You got all your friends hooked on everything Twilight… 251. …even your Twilight fanfic on Edward and Jacob making hybrid babies 252. Whenever you're parents ban you from Fanfiction, you take out your notebook and pen and write the story… 253. …when they take that away, you use those Alphabet pasta, a large piece of paper and glue, and try to paste out your fanfic. 254. Seriously, we as having OTFD (Obsessive Twilight Fanfiction Disorder) should get compensation (or at least, paid on a regular basis) for sitting around all day doing nothing but read about some fluffy imprint story with Seth and a whore. 255. Not only were you responsible for the Twilight obsession in your school, but you also took the blame for half your class being on during English… 256. …the English teacher was not impressed with your excuses ("Miss, it helps improve my fiction writing for my yearly exams. Just pretend that the Twilight Series are a stimulus…") 257. How many "30 ways to Annoy Edward/Jacob/James/whatever" have you read now? 258. How many "20 signs that you are obsessed with Twilight" lists have you seen? 259. …And no, this is not the list mentioned in Point 18 260. Twilight Fanfiction has made you get over your Harry Potter Fanfiction addiction 261. You had this childish dream that one day, a movie will be based on one of your fanfics… 262. …except that you'll be in charge of the casting, the script and the special effects 263. You actually read this and laugh at almost every single point 264. You help the author by telling him/her how you are addicted (thanks to everyone who did that!!!) 265. You don't need to move to find a copy of Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn or pen and paper in your room 266. Instead of being grounded, your parents punish you by making you go out (in other words, prevent you from being anywhere near a computer with Internet access or a word processor) 267. Your social life revolves around people you met 268. You always forgot what you had for homework, but you never fail to forget what you wrote for a review 269. You are taking a stand against crappy Twilight clichés, one story at a time 270. You wrote a song parody based on your love for Twilight 271. You wrote a song parody based on your love for Twilight FANFICTION 272. You were bored one day, so you updated every single story in that mere space of 10 hours 273. You actually gained weight from sitting in front of the computer all day 274. You actually have your lunch while reading/writing fanfics 275. You experiment with random pairings besides the canon ones (eg. Jasper/Rosalie, Emmett/Esme, Jacob/Jessica)… 276. …and write lemons about them…(Ewww…) 277. You can't even write lemons in real life without bursting into a laughing fit 278. That's what happened during your English exam, when the stimulus material for creative writing turns out to be a picture of a lemon… 279. …and you wrote an actual lemon between Edward and Bella, complete with the minor details… 280. …and you didn't get very well in the creative writing part, you were disqualified OR they made you do the writing again 281. You saw Point 275 in the previous chapter. You now want to write a Jacob/Jessica lemon 282. You read one where a normal person falls into the world of Twilight… 283. …and you had a dream that night that you were the person who fell into the Twilight world 284. Every time you get a review, you squeal 285. For Christmas, you asked to get more pencils/paper… 286. …or a working laptop with wireless Internet… 287. …or to be Stephenie Meyer… 288. …or more time to update stories… 289. …or more reviews 290. On your New Year's Resolutions, you put down "Get more work done for school and spend less time on Twilight Fanfiction"… 291. …you kinda have a hunch that that's not really going to work, as you made the same resolution last year… 292. …and the year before… 293. …actually, you're going to make a more realistic one – "Don't write lemons about Edward and Jacob being locked in a cupboard and having hot gay sex" 294. You're going to welcome in the New Year by updating most of your stories 295. You imagine scenarios when you annoy a Twilight character after reading one of those "10 Ways to Annoy the Twilight Characters" 296. Who needs MySpace and FaceBook when you could have Twilight Fanfiction?! 297. You rather cut back on school work than on Twilight Fanfiction 298. In order for your real life friends to do your bidding, you threaten them with a really clichéd story with Mary-Sues and random imprints… 299. …or really detailed lemony slashfics… 300. …basically anything that has got to do with Twilight Fanfiction. 301. You write fanfictions based on Twilight-related dreams you have… 302. …even if they are really REALLY weird 303. You write fanfictions where you are in the story marrying your Twilight love 304. You stay up until 3am reading Twilight fanfics, only to get 4 hours of sleep… 305. …and then go back on reading those fanfics as soon as you wake up 306. You rehearse what you would say when someone interviews you about your Twilight Fanfiction 307. You use various 'You're Obsessed with Twilight' fanfics as your checklist to increase your obsession 308. You convinced your boyfriend to read Twilight Fanfiction… 309. …after you convinced him to read all the books 310. You wrote a fanfic after watching various Twilight-related videos on YouTube… 311. …which involved James crushing on Edward… 312. …and Edward crushing on Buffy the Vampire Slayer 313. You tried to curb your obsession with Twilight Fanfiction by reading other fanfics (Harry Potter, The Host, Anime, etc), but it's just not the same 314. When you're bored of reading really crap, clichéd stories, you just go and review every chappie of every story you've ever read… 315. …mainly, you just write 'LOL!!! HILARIOUS!!!'… 316. …even if it's a tragedy and Edward just died 317. You've read at least twenty 'Truth and Dare' fanfics… 318. …and thirty 'IM Messaging'… 319. …and fifteen 'Note Passing'… 320. …and twenty-five different Twilight Parodies 321. When you almost killed a sibling of yours when they tried to get on the computer while you're reading a Twilight fanfic… 322. …or when they read it out to your parents… 323. …and it was a lemon… 324. …or when you got them hooked onto Twilight AND Twilight Fanfiction 325. You've multi-tasked watching the Twilight movie trailer AND writing/reading fanfiction too 326. You've made a DeviantArt account to publish your Twilight fanfictions… 327. …and made fan art of your fanfic characters 328. You've made a music playlist devoted towards reading/writing Twilight Fanfictions 329. The song 'Decode' inspires you to write more fanfics… 330. …okay, okay, the whole Twilight Movie soundtrack does… 331. …on the same note, you listen to the soundtrack/music score when you're reading/writing Twilight Fanfiction 332. You gain inspiration for your Twilight fics through any songs… 333. …even lemons 334. You've tried to google your Fanfiction username… 335. …and your Twilight fanfics 336. You tried to announce to the whole school that they should read your Twilight fanfics… 337. …you did the same thing, but over the radio… 338. …and the TV… 339. …and YouTube… 340. …even when one of the cast of the Twilight movie comes to your city, you use the opportunity to run up on stage to announce your latest update on Edward and Bella's relationship in Chicago University. 341. Your friends know everything minor detail about every Twilight Fanfiction you had read… 342. …even though she never even seen them before 343. Half of your phone calls involve you reading/writing/laughing at Twilight Fanfictions, and your friend just doing whatever the hell he/she is doing. 344. You're too busy reading/reviewing Twilight Fanfiction that you forgot to update your own. 345. During the many times you've seen Twilight, you wrote down ideas for a new fic or an existing fic… 346. …then decided what bits would be good for the story 347. You actually made a shirt dedicated to a Twilight fanfiction/author, and it's coloured black and red 348. You go to a tattoo parlour to get the name of your favourite Twilight fanfiction/author tattooed on your arm/leg/whatever. 349. You act out your favourite Twilight fanfictions to see if they occur in real life 350. You plan on coming to the author's house with an angry mob because they are ending your favourite story/list :) -(00)- There was One day, He asked Her AWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEE!!!!! MY GOOOODDDDDD THAT B$%&!!!!! I HOPE SHE DIES IN A WHOLE!!!!!! IF I WERE HIM I WOULD FREAKING TAKE MY EYES BACK! UNGRATEFUL BEYOTCH. -(00)- This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this: Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K And K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G (Well this sucks.) -(00)- When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind. -(00)- Reasons why Quidditch is better than football (If you think that Quidditch is better than football, Copy and paste this tho your profile.) 1. All four of the balls used in Quidditch are actually balls. According to the dictionary, a ball is a spherical object, and the last time I checked, a foot"ball" isn't spherical. 2. The Quidditch players don't huddle up like their plotting to kill someone... No pun intended. 3. Football has a time limit and the game is stopped every two seconds, so you only get to watch it for that long and it's always interrupted. Quidditch, however, could go on for days without any interruptions. 4. In Quidditch, the players ride around on broomsticks. Enough said. 5. If you get mad at someone, you can use the beater's bat to whack them upside the head. 6. Quidditch is loads easier to understand. 7. All of the players get to play though the entire game of Quidditch, so no one gets left out. 8. You can magically heal injuries in 5 minutes in Quidditch. 9. No one hardly ever dies in Quidditch. 10. Quidditch is not sexist, it incorporates girls, seeing as it is a co-ed sport. 11. Quidditch players cannot get a big head seeing as one might whack them in the head with a bludger to deflate it. 12. Football creates jerks. If a Quidditch player is jerky, they were before they started playing. -(00)- If you're a Demigod copy this into your profile and sign your name - Shorty/Kris KG/Lizzy Wisegirl101/Lindsay WiseOne27 SeaweedBrain013/Sebz CloudyAlore/Faye XxxBeLLxXxGiRlxxX76/Bells xXthe shadow huntressxX annapercy1 Hula The New Ace of Spies 7Cerberus7 Storyteller-221/Kali Lennor AthenaPersephone14 Laserfire Aurola Seadevil 24hourstomakeadifference Lilsis321 -(00)- NOT MY POEM. Owned by Claratrix LeChatham. This is for "The Hunger Games." Also stolen from 24hourstomakeadifference. :P I promise to remember Rue When mockingbirds’ songs wake me I’ll think of Foxface every time I eat a strange new berry If my little sister pets a goat I promise to think of Prim And if my best friend acts depressed Then Gale; I’ll think of him When I toss some wood in the fire I’ll think of Katniss every time And I’ll always think of Peeta When my birthday cake’s sublime The Capitol will cross my mind When someone is unfair I’ll be sure to think of Clove Each time I pretend to care I’ll always think of Glimmer If someone’s pretty, but a dunce And Thresh will occupy my mind If I spare someone, something... Once Whenever I watch a reality show I will think of the Hunger Games I’ll sure imagine Haymitch If someone calls me names I swear to think of Cato When I’m homicidally inclined I’ll make sure I think of Effie When there’s nothing on my mind I swear to remember the Hunger Games And Catching Fire too It’s important to think of the characters But they’re NOT mine (So, Collins, don’t sue!) -(00)- A fraction of a second: I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: "Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?" The old lady replied: "You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear." Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister." My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me, "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?" "OK," he said. "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunken man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma. Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message. 2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. Have a heart. -(00)- Instructions: On American Airlines packet of nuts: "Open packet, eat nuts." On bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." On Boot's Children's cough medicine: "Do not drive car or operate machinery." On candle: "Warning: A burning candle is fire." On Children's Aspirin: "Warning: Keep away from children." On child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On Dial soap: "Use like regular soap." On food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." On frisbee: "Warning: may contain small parts." On hair coloring: "Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping." On jigsaw puzzle: "Warning: Some assembly required." On Korean kitchen knife: "Warning: Keep out of children." On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." On Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." On package of artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". On package of pasta, after cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." On railroad sign: "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." On Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." On string of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." On Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." On Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." On Taiwanese blanket: "Warning: Not to be used as protection from a tornado." On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert, printed on bottom of box: "Do not turn upside down." -(00)- LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW: LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK: LAYER FIVE: DO YOU? LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD LAYER NINE: IN A BOY/GIRL LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING? LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE -(00)- Obituary for the late Mr. Common Sense: Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. He lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. He lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. He took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember Common Sense, copy and paste this into your profile. If not, join the majority and do nothing -(00)- Read all of these sentences: This is minute cat. This is a cat. This is for cat. This is busy cat. This is retard cat. This is a cat. This is keep cat. This is to cat. This is how cat. This is is cat. This is this cat. Now read the third word of every line, from the bottom up. -(00)- The abused child: My name is Jennifer. I am three. My eyes are swollen. I cannot see. I must be stupid. I must be bad. What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better. I wish I weren’t ugly. Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can’t speak at all. I can’t do a wrong, Or else I'm locked up All day long. When I'm awake, I'm all alone. The house is dark. My folks aren’t home. When my mommy comes home, I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll just get One whipping tonight. I just heard a car. My daddy is back From Charlie’s bar. I hear him curse. My name is called. I press myself Against the wall. I try to hide From his evil eyes. I’m so afraid now, I’m starting to cry. He finds me weeping, Calls me ugly words. He says it’s my fault He suffers at work. He slaps and hits me, And yells at me more. I finally get free And run to the door. He’s already locked it And I start to bawl. He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken. And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken. "I’m sorry!" I scream, But it's now much too late. His face has been twisted Into an unimaginable shape. The hurt and the pain, Again and again. Oh please, God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor. My name is Jennifer. I am three. Tonight my daddy Murdered me. Now I roam the underworld to help those in need. I may seem evil, but I'm not. And if you read this and don’t pass it on, I pray for your forgiveness, Because you would have to be one heartless person to not be affected by this poem. If you are affected, do something about it! So all I ask you to do is pass this on if you are against child abuse! -(00)- Try not to cry: Mommy, Johnny brought a gun to school. He told his friends that it was cool. And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great, huge crack. Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told. I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold! When I went to school that day, I never said goodbye. I'm sorry that I had to go, but Mommy, please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, All because Johnny got the gun from his brother. Mommy, please tell Daddy that I love him very much, And please tell Zack, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush. And tell my little sister that she is the only one now. And tell my dear sweet grandmother I'll be waiting for her now. And tell my wonderful friends that they always were the best. Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest. Mommy, tell my teachers I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, please don't let this pass. Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though, deserves this. But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss. I think I even saw one doctor trying not to cry. Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, But Mommy, please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest. When I heard that great big crack, I ran as fast as I could, Please listen to me if you would. I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new. I guess I'm not going with Daddy on that trip to the new zoo. I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid. I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live. But Mommy, I must go now, the time is getting late. Mommy, tell my Zack I'm sorry I had to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know it’s true. And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you." In memory of the Columbine and Virginia Tech students who were lost. Please, if you would, don't smash this on the ground. If you pass this on, maybe people will cry. Just keep this in your heart for the people who didn't get to say goodbye. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try not to cry". 2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are. -(00)- andom Survey - oh no, not another one! 1 2. What is your favourite possession? My stuffed animal. 3. Do you own a gun? No. 4. If you could tell your last ex something what would you say? I don't have an ex... 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Sometimes. 6. What's your favourite Christmas song? Jingle Bell Rock. 7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Chocolate milk 8. Can you do a push up? Ya man. 9. Is your bathroom clean? Define Clean. 10. What's your favourite piece of jewellery? My gold cross. 11. Do you take painkillers? Only when it is desperately needed. 12. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Ummm. I don't really have one. o.O 13. Do you have A.D.D.? (Attention Deficit Disorder) What? Nooooooo! Of cou- OHMYGOSH IS THAT A DOG?!?!? 14. What's your name? I don't know!!!! 15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. Oh. Um. Why do these people text so freaking much? 16. Name the last 3 things you have bought. In reverse order: Binders, Bathing suit, sweatshirt. 17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Water, chocolate milk and sprite. 18. Current worry? Life. 19. Current hate? Lots and lots of hates... 20. Favourite place(s) to be? Home, tennis courts, beach, grandpa's house. 21. How did you bring in the New Year? I don't remember. 22. Where would you like to go? Australia. (One of my best friends said that was where she wanted to go before she died, and it sort of stuck with me LOL) 23. Do you own slippers? I just bought some that my mom and I share! 24. What shirt are you wearing? Well this is awkward. Does a sports bra count as a shirt? 25. Favourite colour(s)? Light blue, green, yellow. 26. Are you gay? UMMMM. NO. LOLOLOL. 27. Do you sing in the shower? Yes. Loudly. 28. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Anything that has ever been though pretty much LOL. 29. Best bed sheets as a child? As long as they're comfortable, I don't mind. 30. Worst injury you've ever had? Dislocated my kneecap. Painful as S$&. 31. Who is your loudest friend? Noah. 32. Who is your most silent friend? Bella. 33. Does someone have a crush on you? I have no idea. 34. Do you wish on shooting stars? never seen one, but if I did, I sure as H3!! would have!!! 35. What is your favourite candy? Tootsie pops. 36. What song(s) do/did you want played at your wedding? I Dunno! 37. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral? Something upbeat. 38. What were you doing at 12am last night? Texting my BFF. 39. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I'm tired. Why the F$& is my door open? -(00)- The Percy Jackson pledge: I promise to remember Percy whenever Im at sea I promise to remember Annabeth whenever a spider comes at me I promise to protect nature for Grover's sake of course I promise to remember Luke when my heart fills with remorse I promise to remember Chiron whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride'' I promise to remember Tyson whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side I promise to remember Thalia whenever a friend is scared of heights I promise to remember Clarisse whenever I see someone that gives me a fright I promise to remember Bianca whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother I promise to remember Nico whenever I see someone who doesnt get along with others I promise to remember Zoe whenever I watch the stars I promise to remember Rachel whenever a limo passes my car. yes I promise to remember PJO wherever I may go -(00)- There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train. When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back! I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead. Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. I smile because I have no idea what's going on! One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door... Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there! When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs. If you can't convince them, confuse them. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. What happens if you get scared half to death... twice? Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous. I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember. life isn't trying to pass me by, it's trying to run me over when it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip 'n slide they say 'guns don't kill people, people kill people.' well, I think that the gun helps. you wouldn't kill too many people standing there yelling 'BANG!' flying is simple: just throw yourself at the ground and miss when someone is getting on your nerves, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, but only 4 muscles are needed to extend your arm and beat the crap out of them life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain nobody's worth your tears, and the ones that are won't make you cry everyday is a gift, that's why its called the present I have the answer in my head, I just haven't found it yet life is not measured in the breaths we take but in the moments that take our breath away everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon don't talk unless you can improve the silence I'm a nobody, nobody's perfect, therefore I'm perfect stupidity killed the cat. curiosity got framed some of the most wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen to some of the most awful, undeserving people you know - people who are, in other words, not you -(00)- You Know You're a Book Addict If: You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. You write fanfictions about the book. (Yup.) You quote random lines all the time.(oh yeah.) You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. You've got a book memorized. You've read a book more than five times. You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. (maybe. joking. much.) -(00)- Wherever you go, whatever you do... always remember this: A stranger stabs you in the front A friend stabs you in the back A boyfriend stabs your heart Best Friends only poke each other with straws -(00)- How would you feel? How would you feel if someone was habitually making fun of you? You say you'd be angry, but weren't you the one picking on her because she had a lisp? How would you feel if everyday you went to school fearing what they would say to you? you say that you'd spend all your time crying into your pillow, but weren't you the one pushing him around in the hallways? And what about the foreign kid who was smart enough to advance two grades? He may tell you that how you're poking fun at his age or copying his accent doesn't bother him, but on the inside, he's hurting. Bullying causes kids like these to feel like they have no safe haven. when at school, you shove them under the bus (no pun intended). At home, what you write on their wall taunts them forever (again, no pun intended). They see you at the restaurant and they turn around and leav. But you sit back and laugh at them as they drive away. The ones you put down deserve it the least. The girl who you called ugly. Yeah, she spends an hour in the morning caking make-up on her face, hoping that someone might think she's beautiful. The boy you called fat spends all his time working out instead of eating. The boy you made fun of for not yet had a girlfriend, give him a break! He's only 12. You didn't date until you were 14. You are the reason for their terror. When they most needed someone to stand up for them, you sat back and watched them shake in pain. You knock them off their feet everytime they lifted themselves back up until they wer to weak to carry themselves anymore. Don't you know that the ones you put down could one day be your boss? You, being the one known for their attitude, won't get a position of such high authoriy and respect because you didn't give any respect. You may think that putting them down makes them smaller than you, when actually, they're the bigger person to not fire back. Someday that will prove to be their advantage Mny of those who are bullied don't come out alive. They kill themselves. It may be suicide on the outside, but logically, you are the murderer. You drove them insane with your rumors, lies, actions and what you didn't do when you should've. You caused a domino effect that ended their life. You are to blame! And you who stand by and watch are just as guilty! You could've stopped their suffering. you didn't tell anyone until it was too late. You didn't break up the fight before it happened. You didn't stand up for the one that needed it most. And the majority of people are right there with you. When you could be part of the small percentage who are worthy to be called heroes, the ones who can save someone the burden thats to heavy for them to carry alone. Take it from a victim herself. It hurts what they throw on you and even worse when no one will help. Everything burns: the promises no one keeps, exclusion, the names. All of it. Some try to look strong, but what you don't know is they've run out of tears to cry. Many have stopped trying to hide the pain. They walk through life unnoticed, convinced that no one cares. Between the ones that directly bully and the ones that hide behind a mask, there's no one left for them to trust. Do you want to live in a peaceful world? the change starts when you stop putting down others until their at your level. As long ad bullying lives, so does unrest. Too often, you say something and do another. That's called hypocracy and it's wrong! Too many times you hold something over someone's head until they do what you want them to do . That's the illeagal and rude practice of blackmail. Be the change! -(00)- You Know You're an author when... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?') When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?') After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!) You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. You tend to collect Bic Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. C: -(00)- I promise to think of James When someone thinks they rule the school And Wormtail I’ll think of If someone acts like a fool. I’ll remember Luna When someone’s out of place. And when I get the mail, I’ll think of Hedwig’s innocent face. I know I’ll think of Vernon, When my anger gets the best of me. And dear old Dobby will come to mind When for freedom, I seek. I’ll think of Minerva When a teacher is strict, And Colin with his camera When I rummage through old pics. I’ll remember poor Kreacher If I am treated unfair, And also Crabbe and Goyle If someone’s head is full of air. I am reminded of Dumbledore every time someone I trust turns on me And Petunia, too, When jealousy is overwhelming. I won’t forget Draco When a task is too challenging. And Fred and George are fixed in my mind When a significant half is missing When I read a new book, I think of Hermione But when I’m star-struck, I shall remember Ginny. When someone is competitive, I can’t hlp but think of Ron Or Tonks When I walk into a hair salon. I’ll think of Lily If someone were to die for me. My mind will conjure Snape When the impossible is asked of me. If fear rules my life, I will always think of Winky. And when I see someone change, How about Dudley? The Patils come to mind When a date goes wrong. Too, When someone knows no good, It shall be You-Know-Who. If someone never knew their parents, Because they have died. The famous Harry Potter And young Teddy come to mind. I’ll remember Bellatrix When for blood, someone hungers. And when someone is overly obsessed, I’ll think of Lavender. I’ll remember Dean The next time I watch a soccer match And Remus Anytime I eat chocolate. When something is unbelievable I’ll remember Seamus. And with every big black dog Comes the memory of Sirius. I will not forget Neville When I forget what I’ve forgotten. And I promise to think of the Harry Potter Way too often. -(00)- Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you. If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. -(00)- I'm the girl who doesn't really care what others think of me. I tend to be over dramatic about things and talk about anything & everything. My friends think i'm crazy and maybe I am but that really doesn't matter. I'm insane, I'm happy, and I'm me. There's nothing else to it. (post to your account if this is you!) The Way I Loved You Put your iPod on shuffle . For each question, write the next song as your answer. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS. What is your motto? Place in this world. Taylor Swift What do your friends think of you? I'm only me when I'm with you. Taylor Swift (Awe :D) What do you think about very often? Brighter than the sun. Colbie Callait What is 22? Come on get higher. Matt Nathanson (Getting high will not help me -.- LOL) What do you think of your best friend? Mary's song. Taylor Swift (Awe :P How fitting) What do you think about the person you like? Jump then Fall. Taylor Swift (I'll catch you!!!) What is your life story? Teardrops on my guitar. Taylor Swift (I think I got this for the last one too... Oh gosh!) What do you want to be when you grow up? The outside. taylor Swift What do you think when you see the person you like? Bucket. Carly Rae Jepsen What do your parents think of you? Tear Drops on my guitar. Taylor Swift (Oh gawd. Does this mean I'm a dissapointment? :'O) What will you dance to at your wedding? Call me Maybe. Carly Rae Jepsen (BWAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH) What will they play at your funeral? Gone, Gone, Gone. Phillip Phillips (Awe :3) What is your hobby/interest? Cheeseburger in Paradise. Jimmy Buffet (LOL?!?) What is your biggest secret? I love you 5, Never Shout Never (So... I love someone? 0.0) What do you think of your friends? Bubbly, Colbie Calliat. (Will you count me in?) What is the worst thing that could happen? I will wait for you, Mumford and Sons (Well then...) How will you die? Jump then fall, Taylor Swift. (Oh darnit. Did I fall to hard? XD) What is the one thing you will regret? I'm only me when I'm with you, Taylor Swift. (Regret this? No no no no...) What makes you laugh? Invisible, Taylor Swift. (Ya, no.) What makes you cry? Stuck in the middle, Boys like Girls. (I suppose...) Will you ever get married? Happy, Never Shout Never. (Uhhh. Yes? :D) What scares you the most? Carol of the bells, John Williams. (Uh. What?) Does anyone like you? I won't give up, Jason Mraz. (This is more than 'Like'. LOL) If you could go back in time, what would you change? I;m yours, Jason Mraz. (I have no idea!) What Hurts Right Now? Breakeven (Falling to pieces), The Script. (Alrighty then...) What will you repost this as? Don't be mad, Gina Cimmeli. (Whaaaat?) -(00)- "I'm in Jesus's Arms." Month one Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby. Month Two Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here. Month Three You know what Mommy I'm a boy! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me. Month Four Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but i will have a lot of it I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. Month Five You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion? Month Six I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy!! HELP ME!! Month Seven Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy? Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak. -(00)- (0.0) Copy and paste this bunny into your profile to help it achieve world domination. Come to the dark side (we have cookies.) REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile): 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too) 2. Meet the recruitment bunny! 3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body! 4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough! 5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys! 6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life! 7. Money, Money, Money: Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys? 8. (Reason I joined) I'm just evil... It fits my personality! -(00)- Things to do in the elevator! 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it -(00)- Type your name: lilsis321 type with your eyes closed: loldrd543 (LOLOLOLOLOLOL) type with nose: o,9kowe9w3q (Oh goodness this is difficult on a laptop!) type with toe: lileiss43232 type with elbow: ..lki.lsxiksxe3w2q -(00)- A REAL BOYFRIEND Hope you will understand the real meaning behind all these... - girls Repost this to show guys what we want! -(00)- I'm that girl The one that likes books more than boys. The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy The one who always wonders what she did wrong The one who writes to escape The one who just wants to help The one that really wants to make a difference The one that sticks to her values The one that refuses to believe that this is it The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow The one who won't give in The one won't give up -by linguisticsrock, Copy and Paste if you can relate to this. -(00)- One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.' He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!' There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes.We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!' He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. 'Thanks,' he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.' I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. 'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.' I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others. You now have two choices, you can : 1) Put this on your profile or 2) Forget you read this and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can see, I took choice number 1. 'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.' There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift'. -(00)- -/\_/\- .／l、 These kittens look so cute, no? What about this one: -/\_/\- Kittens don't look right when they're beat up and have black eyes. Help stop animal abuse. -(00)- At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him. You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, post this on your profile -(00)- 6 reasons not to mess with children: Reason 1: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ". Reason 2: A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." Reason 3: A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." Reason 4: The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead." Reason 5: A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." Reason 6: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." -(00)- Your guide to being a death eater- LOL! Sent in by Elizabeth, but made by an anonymous LJ userThis list may contain spoilers!Greetings, new follower: If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them. Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing). The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly. Yours in infamy, Lord Voldemort So You Want To Be A Death Eater? Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating. Aims of the society: World peace * To be evil To conquer the world Elimination of all Muggles Elimination of all Mudbloods Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix Elimination of (miscellaneous) To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!) To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes * This statement is a lie. List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters: (Equipment marked * must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.) Long Black Robes (Casual) * Long Black Robes (Smart) * Short Black Robes (for summer wear) * Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent) * Black mask (informal) Black mask (sequined) Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted) * Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional) * Wand Extra wand in case of losing first wand Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch). Coffin Dueling sword * Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc. * Saw Assorted chains Handcuffs Pointy stick Recommended Reading: Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian Evil: A Beginners Guide by Professor E. Maledict The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative GuideSt. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk. Death Eater Rules: No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore. No Death Eater shall play the harmonica. All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch. No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident. A Death Eater must be pureblooded. No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded. No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason. All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.) All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames. All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left. Frequently Asked Questions: What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me? As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include: Being slowly eaten by a manticore. Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom. Gradual impalement on your own wand. Death by Mandrake (according to season). The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.) Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties. Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative). What should I do if I decide to leave the organization? Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible. (See above) What is the salary like? You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed. Does the Dark Mark hurt? Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp? Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment? No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question. But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.) Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters? You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem. Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort? Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior. What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy? This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it. The Death Eater Anthem (to be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly. Who lurk beneath the undergrowth? When all is dim and dark? Who murder people in their beds Or sometimes in the park? Death Eaters! Death Eaters! Our blood is pure as pure! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We all love Voldemort! We serve the Dark Lord every day, We're always very loyal And if with us you don't agree We'll boil you in hot oil! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We're evil as can be! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! But if we're scared we'll flee! Our curses are incredible. We're known for our Morsmordres And though our leader is insane We always follow orders. Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We're wickedness collective! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! Yet rather ineffective! Health and Safety: Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us. However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord: Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice. Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them. If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.) Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once). Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private. If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke. Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be. Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously. Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater. Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof. Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway. Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming. Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors). Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc. Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.) -(00)- I believe (and I think you all can second this) that we need to keep this site free of the terribly awful, and contagious disease known as Mary Sewage. Read this short documentary and informative lesson about the horrible concept that is Mary Sue. ALL OF THE FOLLOWING IS THE SITE AND IT GETS FULL AND TOTAL CREDIT!!!!! DISCLAIMERS: I DO NOT OWN THIS IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM!!!!!!!!!
Part 2 - Original Fiction Characters Not an original fiction character?
Part 3 - Fan Characters & Newcomers Not a fan character or newcomer? Skip this section.
Part 4 - RPG Characters
Part 5 - De-Suifiers
-0-16 Points 17-21 22-29 30-35 36 50 Disclaimer: Special Thanks To: 07/13/2013 -(00)- WARNING: There WILL be cursing in this next part, I will censor it, but we all know that the mind processes it without that little star, and you think the word even though it's 'censored'. Now it's my time to apologize for this next part... BUT I was feeling pretty riled up because of re-watching the Harry Potter movies. Belatrix WILL be bashed in this next part; don't want to read then fine. I felt like my feelings needed to go out there. Thank-you, LILSIS321 ... Belatrix Lastrange. I didn't like the B* in the first place, due to her horrid personality and god awful-ness. Then she killed Dobby, my favorite character in the entire series. Like, WT*? Did you seriously just do that, B*? Go burn in a endless pit of fire. No- that's too kind. I want her to live for 500 years, just falling through utter blackness. That way she can relive whatever sick childhood she lived through to become the A* Hat of B*iness that I hate with the burning passion of H*. I want to cut off her lips, so she knows that I saw the F*ing evil failure of a smile that she felt the sick need to through onto her F*ing ugly face after she saw the dagger go with Dobby and the gang when they apporated (is this how you spell *Wink Wink* it?). I hope that in this endless pit of nothingness, she is surrounded by her own butt ugly cackle for that entire span. That way she could be even more derranged and retarded then she already is. Then I hope she cries a million tears, which I will then proceed to drown her in. Knowing that she caused her own end will suit me just right. After that, I will bring Dobby back and I will be content to know that Bellatrix will burn in H* for the rest of eternity, and know how awful and horrid and b*y, and revolting, and as crooked as her wand, and nasty, and shameful, and disgusting, and as F*ing much as a disgrace to the female population that there ever was. Again, sorry about that little rant but it had to happen. Thanks. -(00)- 5 ways to open a banana: 1. Hack it into small pieces and then use a spoon to get the little pieces of banana out of their little peels. 2. Tie the banana to a tank of gas then throw the tank into the air and shoot a flaming arrow through it. 3. Stomp on it until the insides squishes out through the top. 4. Drill a hole through it and then use a toothpick to get the insides of the banana out. And last but not least... 5. Simply peel it. Pick the month you were born: Pick the day (number) you were born on: Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: This is a story I have been working on. It's pretty cool, in my totally non-biased opinion :P LOL Blue Warrior, by: ME! :D should be 56,000-70,000 words in the end. 3,000-5,000 words per chapter. Prologue 1. Rebekah The Orphan 2. Kidnapped by a god 3. On the road 4. Buddy, have a bit of a problem... 5. All about Phoenixas 6. What's really going down 7. Shoelaces 8. Tour of the Urectorway 9. The weapon's closet 10. Training with my master 11. Origins 12. Daddy 13. Love kills 14. She'll be back, someday Epilogue "You know we have to talk about this, right?" Isaias reminded me quietly. My gaze was set on one of the many secured crates being lowered into the hole in the court yard. The four Blue masters stared intently at the box as it descended into the gash in the radiant grass, setting an unpleasant tone to the joyful garden and lively trees. "I'll talk to Pheonixas. He should have no issues bringing the offspring to us for... Disposal." I explained calmly as I folded my arms behind my back. I didn't have to turn to him to see my co- leader's electric blue eyes widening. "Will-will you tell him... What will happen to her?" The man was obviously questioning our best warriors ability to deliver the girl for slaughter. "Of course, of course. He is one of the most loyal scarlet's that we've got, and we both know he is the most capable one of them to handle her if something goes wrong." Hopefully that wouldn't be the case, and she wouldn't have changed yet. All will go according to plan if her eye's were still brown. "Whatever you say, Sedric." "Harold! Go give the quest information to Pheonixas. I believe he is in the Yellow room at the moment." Chapter 1 Harsh laughter filled the walls of the Cedwin All grade School. Cedwin had originally began as a prestigious high school school for Cedwin County. The key word is 'began'. After this so called spectacular five star academy start, the rigorous school went down hill. Now, after fifteen years, here it sat in all it's cracked cement, cobweb infested glory, as a all grade school. Little elementary school students intermix with the boastful tweens at grades 6-8. All of them are then thrown into the huge melting pot of this aged school with the high-schoolers, who seem to want to be anywhere but there. "Look at how stupid the pig tales look!" "I'm a pretty princess!" Oh, did I forget to mention that the students here are as bad as the school itself? I weaved through the crowd of idol spectators to get a better look at what was happening. I found a clear view just in time to see Jason; a seventh grader who had a nose as large as his ego, yank on a pig tale of the small quivering girl in front of him and his merry band of bullies. The girl whipped around at the sudden tug on one of her golden pig tales, and what I had feared most came true. Little Amanda was in the center of the large crowd of interested students, getting picked on because of the way her hair was styled today. Amanda Selliek was a seven year old angel, with large doe eyes, and curly blond hair. Amanda also belonged to the same orphanage I did. With a sigh of annoyance, I dropped my back-pack and broke the circle. "Hey, knock it off." I, being a mighty sophomore, called the shots; and they knew it. The only thing that didn't help my case, or Amanda's for that matter, was that we were girls. Yet, this didn't stop the flash of fear in his eyes, and didn't allow him resist the falter in his words. Well, the fear in his eyes might also be caused by the fact that I had punched someone like him before for bullying someone from my orphanage. I held up a tough, mean facade and protected my family. Although this is why I literally have no friends other then the other orphanage kids, I didn't mind. They were safe, and that's what mattered. And I got to blow off some steam on these little 7th graders. "Oh, yeah. Let's listen to the pretty little blondie, guys." The boy teased before getting back to tormenting Amanda. "Hey!" I pulled him and another one of his buddies away from her. "I said knock it off. I suggest you move along, kid." I emphasized his young age to point out the major lack of power he had against me. "Why don't you Fu-" I knew what was going to come out of his mouth next, and to be the good 'older sister' that I was, I had to keep him from saying it in front of little innocent Amanda. Yeah... no. I scoffed inwardly; I did what I did next because I have an aggressive, angry personality. No excuses. There was a loud smack as my fist came into contact with his cheek bone. "Oh-" The boy started, and I tuned out. I didn't need to hear the spew of curses that would erupt from his mouth. And I certainly didn't need to hear him say those things about me. "Hey. C'mon, Manda Panda." I chose to call her by her nick name because my stance, tone, and mind set immidiatly softened as I saw the small girl with tears in her brown eyes. Grasping her smaller hand in mine, I led her out of the now loud crowd of students the same way I had entered. After nabbing my backpack off of the cracked, old cement where I had plopped it down just moments ago, Amanda and I left the school. We'd wait for the other kids out front so we could entertain ourselves with some football, soccer, or tag until Mary yelled that dinner was ready. Mary Robinson was the 'mother' of the orphanage, and took care of us properly. Sometimes she needed a hand in the kitchen, or cleaning the house, but she did pretty much all of the work. I'm pretty sure that Mary, or Ms. Robinson as the younger children call her, had a husband once. Either that or a child, because every year on the same day; it's my day to take care of everyone. She takes bottles of wine into her room, and if you listen really close, you can hear her crying. This all flitted through my mind on Amanda and I's walk back to the orphanage. Well, I say 'orphanage' but really, it's just a massive house with ten bedrooms, seven bathrooms, a great room, pool, kitchen, mud room, and a living room. My guess is before this, the Orphanage was a bed and breakfast for the kind people of Golina City, Arizona. "Can I have a piggy back ride, Rebby?" This was how it was between us. Amanda was the youngest that belonged to the Orphanage, and I was the oldest at sixteen. Even though we have the biggest age difference out of all of the other kids, I think that's why we are so close. Don't get me wrong, I love and would fight 'till I died for the other Orphans, but none of them had the relationship that Manda Panda and I had. I'd do anything for the munchkin, and that's why I smiled as she giggles when I swung her around to sit on my back and shifted our back packs to my chest. "Faster, Rebby! Faster!" How can I say no when she sounds so innocent? I picked up my pace to a light jog. Then I found myself accelerating to a faster pace, until I was practically sprinting down the sidewalk to the house. "Yay! Weeeeeeeeee!" Amanda called as her little hands gripped around my neck to hold on. -0- "We're home, Mary!" I shouted when I swung open the door. "Oh thank goodness! Could you grab the salt from the top right cabinet, sweetie?" Mary's hands and fraying tan apron were covered in chicken guts and grease, and she was making an attempt to get the salt shaker out of the designated cabinet with the inside of her wrists. I laughed light-heartedly as I got the salt down, and wrapped the handle in a paper towel so Mary could use it without making the glass all... nasty. "Thanks, hun. Tonight we're having chicken with gravy." Mary informed me as she got back to work on pounding and breading the chicken. "Ooh! How fancy." I remarked as I pulled open the fridge to search for some sides to go with Mary's new meal. "Broccoli?" The mini-trees looked fresh enough for eating. "Sure. Now get some juice and go play outside. Shoo!" The caretaker grinned as she teased us. Mary felt strongly about children getting lots of exercise, so our games out in the front yard after school made her happy. "Amanda, why don't you get the ball? I'll grab you an apple juice!" After grabbing a Caprison for myself, I snatched Amanda the apple juice that I had promised her. I was so close to exiting the kitchen and meeting Manda Panda outside when I felt my stomach rumble. Food won't be ready for another hour or so... I remind myself mischievously. Sneaking back the way I came and opening the pantry oh so slowly and cautiously... The goldfish bag was inches from my finger tips when I heard Mary say, "Hmmm. And what do you think you're doing?" I whipped around. "Uh- Um..." With wide eyes that darted between Mary and the bag of Goldfish, I ripped open the bag and shoved handfuls into my my mouth as I sprinted out from the kitchen and away from Mary. "Not too much, Rebekah! Don't spoil your dinner!" Mary's voice carried from the house as I shut the door behind me and sat the bag down on the front steps. "Let's play, Rebby!" The little blond angel chanted as soon as she saw me come outside. "Alright! I don't want any slacking here..." I went on to tell her the simple game of catch and throw we would be playing, and we entertained ourselves for quite sometime before I takled to the ground. Loud laughter met my ears as me and my attacker began to wrestle. Out of the whirling mess of blond that was my hair, I made out just who had tackled me. "Hey, Johney boy. Thinking about asserting dominance, hmm?" I questioned as I pinned the thirteen year old to the grass. "STARFISH CALLING IN ALL BACK-UP! I REPEAT: STARFISH CALLING IN ALL BACK-UP!" John yelled to the other boys. Soon enough I was shoved off of John by Daniel, a black haired boy who was the same grade with the all of the other boys. Scott, John, Daniel, Marcus, and Tommy were all in seventh grade together; and they were all on top of me. I managed to tickle some of them, but I was still outweighed. "Dog pile!" Oh god. No! "Umph." I grunted as more and more bodies were added to the already to great weight. The girls must have caught up because the amount of orphans on top of me was enough to bring an elephant down. "Wooow, guys. Real adult." Rachel's voice held a certain... tone. A tone that I didn't like. "Rachel? C'mon, join in." Alyssa, an fourteen year old called out from mid way up the pile. Sharp, sarcastic laughter filled all of our ears, and most of the kids got off the pile in confusion. Enough of my brothers and sisters had hopped off so I could lift myself up to throw the rest of them off. Rachel stood against the house with her hands on her hips. "Alrighty then... Who wants to play some football?" I announced, hoping to get everyone out of their curious-gazed stupor. "Princesses versus Frogs!" Amanda called, which set everyone into a frenzy to get with their teams. Manda Panda had declared girls versus boys, which had been deemed unfair in the past. But the guys of the orphanage had gotten taller, and bulkier in the past years, meaning that having me the 'all mighty oldest' one team wasn't considered over powered. All was going well until Marcus over threw the ball and it flew into the thick bushes beside the house. This was know as the major No-No zone at the orphanage. I had been bitten by a snake, deeply gashed, concussed, scraped and bruised in that jungle. And me, being the eldest, had to go in there every time someone lost something in there. Maybe one of the guys would man up and get it. Maybe one of the girls would take pity on me and fetch it themselves. Even with all these maybes that could go in my favor, all heads turned to me. "Oh, wow guys. Thanks." I mumbled sarcastically as I made my way over to the lush green trees and bushes. Two feet passed the edge of the massive weed disaster, and I already couldn't see my orphaned siblings. But of course, I had taken a moment to look behind me to check and fell into one of the many holes that littered the seemingly endless brush. "Shit." It fell out of my mouth before I could stop it when I felt the branches of who knows how many trees and bushes, scratch(ed?) my face. I glanced up and saw a flash of motion. Oh Gosh, I bet it's a snake. Or a rabid dog. A furious squirrel. But- what? Was that... a shoe? I saw a blur of a nike shoe go by, I'm sure of it. I put my hand on the edge of the three foot ditch to prop myself up in order to get a better look at where I had seen it, but my palm met the cool side of the ball. Blinking, I crawled out of the stupid hole. But not once did I take my eyes off of that spot. Creeping slowly towards the scene of the crime, I stayed silent. "Rebekah? Did you get it?" I could hear Alyssa call out. I had forgotten that even though it never felt like it, the rest of my family was only mere feet from me. Forget that 'shoe sighting'. It was probably just my wacky imagination, or maybe I hit my head when I fell and didn't realize it. Either of those assumptions were better then what I had previously thought; what I knew it was. Someone was in these bushes, and they had been watching us. -0- "Food's ready!" All it took was those two words to get all eleven of us racing towards the front door. Whoever got there first got there first always got not only first dibs at the food, but also got to choose your seat. If I didn't do what I did next, Amanda would probably never get food. I knelt down on the floor and she hopped onto my back for a speed piggy back ride. "AHHH!" Amanda screeched a war call as we pile drove through all of our siblings. We got there second, right after Tommy who had a smug smile on his face as he piled chicken onto his plate, and drowned it in gravy. He began to move on to choose his seat, but I cleared my throat loudly. "Yeah, no. Tommy get back here and load up on some veggies." Tommy sighed and I let Manda Panda hop down. After Tommy had gotten his helping of broccoli, I grabbed two plates and served myself lots of chicken doused with gravy, along with a mountain of the green mini trees. I set a smaller portion of everything onto Amanda's plate and set it down next to mine at the table. Luckily, the table size was twelve; the exact amount of people that resided in the orphanage. "So, how was school today?" "Good." We all said in unison; none of us would dare tell Mary that I had once again socked someone in the face because said person had been bullying one of us. None but one of us, apparently. "There was this boy who pulled on my pig tales, and called me mean names. But Rebby punched him in the face, so it's all okay." Little Amanda assured Mary. All of our eye's widened and we all became fully immersed in eating the food. Mary shot her gaze to me. "So, great great chicken, eh?" John tried to ease the tension. "You punched another child in the face, Rebekah?" Her tone made me feel small, and suddenly I was drained. "Yeah." I sighed in defeat. There was no point in arguing with her about wether it was justified or not, I just wanted her to get on with a small lecture so we could all finish our meals. "Rebekah. Violence-" Is never the answer. Okay. We get it. Everyone's eyes widened comically. Oh good gravy. Had I just said that out loud? I'm doomed- I'll never see daylight again! "Rachel..." Alyssa attempted to calm her down, but Rachel was already standing up and leaving the table. So I didn't say it. Rachel had. "But the thing is- and we all know it- Rebekah protects us. And once she is gone in two years; our great protection goes, too. But I guess we're all just orphans after all, condemned to be happy until 18 then shoved out the door. And don't even suggest that we could get adopted." Rachel jabbed a finger at Mary when the woman had opened up her mouth. "Because the only one with any chance of being adopted or wanted in here is Amanda." And with that, Rachel left the dinning room all together and ran upstairs. No one' and I mean no one, ever brought up our chances for adoption, or our impending future. It only happened once before, when I was thirteen. But that was the night I had my- Oh. "Excuse me." I wiped my face with a napkin and pat Amanda on the back before standing. No one said a word as I followed Rachel up the stairs and into the bedroom she shared with Alyssa. To reach their room, I had to pass Elena and Megan's room, then Amanda and I's. On passing mine though, I went in and grabbed a box double stuffed Oreo's. I also checked the cabinet of the bathroom that Amanda, Mary, me, and sometimes Alyssa and Rachel, share. Some girly product was gone, and I knew that Mary was on her period as well as Rachel now. Oh god, I'm next! After chuckling silently to myself, I entered Rachel and Alyssa's room. "Hey." I murmured as I sat down next to her on the single bed. "Want some oreos? They're double stuffed." I enticed as I opened the package. "No." Rachel sniffled through the pillow. "Alright; suit your self. But this is a one time offer. I don't just give my oreos away willy nilly!" My reminder to her get her to reveal a tear stained face and open her palm. I placed two oreos in her hand and pushed one into my own mouth. "I'm sorry... I-I didn't mean to say all of those things. I just- I felt so-" "Hey, hey. No worries. It's your time of the month. You're excused." I chuckled, and she joined in. It explained her behaviors for all of today. I would probably get mine soon, too. Hopefully a short one due to the amount of exercise I do and my maintained weight. I began to do stretches and push-ups while she told me about her day with this new... complication. "Can you... not tell the other girls?" That one caught me off guard. "Oh. Alright, if that's what you want...?" One of the best things of this orphanage is that I have Mary to each chocolate with and cry with, rant with, and contemplate with. "Yeah. Thanks." Rachel gave me a grateful smile. "Rebby?" Followed by a series of knocks on the door told Rachel and I that the other girls had finished their dinner and wanted in. "Come on in, Manda Panda." "Yay!" Amanda squealed as she came into the room followed by the other girls. "So what do you guys want to do tonight?" Amanda sat on my criss-cross apple sauce lap, and the rest of my sisters sat so we made a large circle. "Truth or dare!" "Never have I ever!" Megan and Alyssa had a glare off at the different games. "Why don't we just watch a movie, hm? I think Mary picked up 'She's the man'." I suggested to avoid confrontation. There were many cries of pleasure and 'yes's that filled the room. A sigh of relief escaped my mouth at the thought that I didn't have to breake up any fights, settle any arguements, or entertain any girls tonight. "Rachel, get us some sodas. Elena, pop some of that popcorn that is on the second shelf of the pantry. The rest of us will get the movie started." They all nodded as I ordered them around. Being the oldest made me ring leader, which had it's perks. We all raced down the stairs, Rachel and Elena serperating from us at the bottom to fetch the goods. Alyssa, Megan, Amanda and I stopped dead in our tracks when we saw the living room. There are two plush couches in an L-shape, and a large TV infront of them. That was all normal, what wasn't normal however was the five boys that had their butts all over the couches. The TV was playing some R rated Zombie movie. Great. "I suggest ya'll move." Alyssa remarked as we approached. "Not happening. We got here first." John shot back over his shoulder. "So? W-" Megan began to protest. "He's right. They got here first, and as much as an old fart they all are, they have the right." I justified. "Who's side are you on?" Alyssa questioned, her eyes narrowed. "Look; finders keepers. If you guys want, you can join us. But we are not watching," Tommy craned his head to see what movie I was holding. "She's the man." The girls huffed, but sat on the couch. Elena and Rachel made it back and saw our perdicidentmt, but said nothing as they snuggled in to the pile of orphans. I rested my head on Tommy's shoulder and snuggled into his side when he put an arm around my shoulder's. Bringing my feet up, I rested them on Marcus' lap. Amanda sat in between Tommy's legs clinging to his legs for dear life when the zombies came onto the screen. Marcus grabbed my feet in fear when the man got cornered by a hoard of the flesh eaters. I smiled at our family. We all hid in each others shoulders, clung to hands, snuggled into sides, and sat in each other's laps. All was good until I realized that this was an R rated movie. And a seven year old was watcing it. Heck, half of the people in here shouldn't be watching it. The zombies started eating the man, and Amanda started screaming. I shot up, startling Marcus and Tommy. I grabbed Amanda and covered her eyes with my hand. "I think Amanda and I are going to call it a night." I could see a silent thank-you being passed from them to me. Amanda was still screaming her little head off, and balling her choclate eyes out. Goodnights were passed as I made my way back up the stairs, holding Amanda on my hip. "I'm gonna take a shower, okay? Why don't you draw me something while you wait?" I asked, trying to keep her occupied. "Okay!" Amanda nodded furiously as she pulled out a piece of paper and some markers. "Good girl. I'll just be a minute." I told her, but she was already immersed in her drawing. The shower felt amazing. I did a lot today; played football, punched someone, fell in some holes, had a hallucination about a Nike shoe, settled some arguments and came to a conclusion about Rachel's issue. Pretty good day in my book, I convinced myself as I dried my hair and body. I glanced at my appearance in the mirror for a moment before getting into my pajamas. I had blond hair that reached my elbows, and nice features. The only thing that set off my face was my eyes. They were a deep brown. Not a warm shade that Mary had, nor the innocent softness that Amanda's held. It was just brown. Everything about me said that they should be blue, and the brown just didn't look or feel right. I dressed in some shorts, a large comfy cotton t-shirt, and a soft sports bra. I was still drying my long hair when I came out of the bathroom saying, "Hey, Manda Panda, how's the picture coming?" The lights were off so I called her name, and turned the lights back on. I looked around but didn't see Amanda until I turned back around to where I had just walked out of. My heart stopped for a moment. "Hello Rebekah." The manly figure greeted. He had a black mask on over his face, but I could still make out startling blue eyes. He had one hand over Amanda's mouth, and the other with a knife to her soft neck. I believe that he had a backpack and several visible weapons, but all I could pay attention to was my little Manda Panda. My little sister had a blind fold over her sweet little eyes, and was visibly trembling. I took and unintentional step forward, and the man tilted his head to the side and pressed the knife a tad more against the young girls skin. "Woah! Woah, wait! Stop!" Panic seeped into my skin as Amanda squirmed. "Neither of us want little Manda Panda to get hurt. Just so what I say, and she will go unharmed." My brows furrowed. Did he just call her Manda Panda...? My eyes darted from Amanda to the man, then to his feet. Nike's. Someone had been watching us. And that someone was now threatening my little sister. My panic was replaced with anger, red and hot. "You don't want her to get hurt? You're the one who is pressing a knife to her neck, you-" I stopped myself. The quivering seven-year old didn't need to hear her only hope lose it. "Fine." The man nodded, and let Amanda go for a moment to get something out of his back pocket, which he proceeded to drop then kick to me. "Drink it." I picked up the vile of yellow liquid and brought it to my lips. I hesitated for a moment, but only that one second. My little sister needed me to do this, even if she would never say it. "Hey, Manda Panda. It's okay, don't be afraid." With one gulp, I downed the odd liquid. Immediately I felt drowsy, but I fought it. "Give her to me." Is what I was trying to say, but I'm pretty sure it came out as 'Gim-er-ta-meh'. I made an attempt to move to her, but it came out staggered and lopsided. My eyes drooped heavily, but I saw the figure release Amanda and remove the blind fold. Amanda was in my arms for a moment and I crushed her to me. "Rebby..." She sobbed. "Shhhh." I kissed her forehead. She was safe. Yellow began to cloud my already blurry vision, and the last thing I saw was a soft blue light and Amanda's doe eye's having a look of vacancy to their innocence. "I need to you to forget about..." Chapter 2 Survey the area. Get the girl. Bring her back. How hard was my job? Gosh, this was probably my easiest quest yet. Although, I was curious as to who this was. She had long glorious blond hair, a tall, lean figure, and as far as I know; no experience in being a warrior. Which was good, this means that my assignment is easier then it already was. After a twelve-hour surveillance, I managed to gather enough information. All in all, her weakness is love. She loved the girl, Amanda, and I used that to my advantage. As far as I know, they are not siblings, so their relationship confused me. Maybe they believed they were sisters...? I suppose I'll figure out soon enough, considering I gave her a truth potion. "Mmnnggaaba." The blond next to me grumbled as she became conscious. "What the hell?" She brought a hand to her forehead as she frantically looked around. "Hello." That was nice, right? Simple, calming, kind and quick. Well apparently not; Rebekah screamed, loudly. I was completely unprepared for that, so naturally; I swerved the car and almost went off the road. "Dear god!" But she just kept screaming. Think, think, think! "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you." She instantly went quiet. "Your not?" Rebekah began to shift back into the regular sitting position, from being pressed against the door. Did that just work? "Pinky promise?" The supposedly sixteen-year old asked, thrusting her pinky out. Her brown eyes still held caution, but she seemed to truly believe that I was telling the truth. I met her gaze and intertwined my pinky with hers. She let out a breath of relief, and let a small smile onto her face and her entire posture softened and relaxed. "What's your name?" Rebekah questioned. I really liked my name, it burst with power and authority. "Pheonixas." The girl blinked a couple of times before bursting out into loud laughter. My brows furrowed. I forgot that she was a human girl and wouldn't respect the name as the Blue people would. "Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" It was suppose to come out stern and menacing, but my voice betrayed me at the sight of her giggling so cutely. Cutely? Did I just think that a human was cute? "It's quite the mouthful, I'm not laughing at you, I promise." She had made an attempt to somber, but that smile broke out still. Well, I know she isn't white lying or anything witch is good. "And you're... Rebekah, yes?" Her nose scrunched up in a playful manner. "I never like that name. You can call me anything but that." I had to remind myself that she was under not only the truth potion, but one that was suppose to allow the person to open up, and their personality is true. They should both last for the duration of our trip in order to recieve maximum information. "So... Bekah?" She shook her head. "I really like Amanda's name for me; Rebby. But you obviously can't call me the same thing. Reb? Rebs... Yeah. I like Rebs. Sounds right." Rebekah went on and on about how 'Rebs' was the best name. "Alright, Rebs then." Rebekah grinned widely. An awkward silence settled, and I knew that I would have to work some information out of her. "So... where are we headed. Why am I in this car...? I'm kind of confused..." I can see that the effects of the potion were effective; she began rambling on and speaking the first thing that popped into her head. "Because last thing I remember is-" Rebekah, or now 'Rebs', paused, and her brow furrowed. "Did you- did you kidnap me?" Her brown eyes- thank the lord they are brown- narrowed on me. "Uhh..." What the heck am I supposed to say to that? "Well-" "You did, didn't you?" Rebs shifted her gaze to her fingers, which had begun fiddling with one another. "Can I ask why, exactly, you'd want a temperamental teenage orphan for anything?" The last bit of her sentence might have been to lighten the mood, although I can't imagine why, but it came out spiteful. "That's what you see yourself as? A temperamental teenage orphan?" A small grin played on lips as I attempt to change the subject. "I take that as a no." The blond mutters, answering he own question. Her gaze shifted to the car window, and the highway flashing by. "I need to ask you some questions." I begin, after a long pause created from both of us. "Oh, so kidnapping me wasn't enough? Now you want me to answer some questions, huh? Well good luck getting any answers." She spit at me. Now, my eyes narrowed, and I started shooting questions at her. "What's your full first name?" I start with, to test it out. "Rebekah." Her hand clasped onto her mouth and her brown eyes widened dramatically, and I couldn't help but smile. "Who is your best friend?" "Amanda." Her voice was muffled by her hands, but I caught what she was saying, even when she continued. "Mary also, but they are completely different situations, you know?" -All I have done so far... Peace out bros. 7/22/13
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