BJA Fan is...

...a hopeless procrastinator.

...a smart-ass.

...an insomniac.

...incredibly vulgar and morbid.

...slightly neurotic and definitely insane--but aren't we all?

...an atheist.

...addicted to fanfiction, reading, writing, and anime.

...a crossover junkie.

...prone to odd bouts of twitching if gone without music for too long. (Was that sentence grammatically correct?)

...someone with an extremely warped sense of humor.

...kind of hungry.

To see the rest of my works, please go to my other account, Indecisive Mind or here, a really cool website.

To see what new levels of suckiness my life has achieved, please visit my LiveJournal.

Ninety-eight percent of people online have "copy and paste statistics" in their profiles. If you're part of the two percent who don't, copy and--wait a sec, dammit.

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Created by CelloSolo2007. Isn't it awesome? Please ask her for permission and credit her before taking this. Thanks. : )

A lot of stories out there have bad grammar or spelling. :/ They either make me sad or want to shove a lamp in someone's bellybutton. So please, if you don't want a lamp shoved in your bellybutton, pay attention to the next few lines:

God/Buddha/Satan/whatever main deity of your religion says, "Please try to notice the difference between these two sentences, and you will become enlightened."

I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse.

And:

I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

Have you found Enlightenment yet?

Fics Status:

Harry Potter and the Ghost of Amity Park--Wow. How long has it been? O.O To be completely honest, I haven't been working on it. At all. Sorry. I still haven't given up on it though.

The Best Defense--(Upcoming Danny Phantom/Teen Titans crossover) I will be writing and posting this as soon as Ghost of Amity Park is winding down (AHAHAHA WON'T THAT BE A WHILE—sorry). So far, I only have half a page down. I'm still brainstorming, though...

For more info about future fics, please check out the "Plunnies" topic in my forum, which is now totally off-topic, but still.

A Touching Story

A man goes to Africa on a safari and while he’s exploring the savannah, he comes upon an elephant in great pain; it has a giant thorn in its foot. The man very carefully approaches the elephant, waiting for it to see that he only wants to help. When he decides that it’s safe, he walks over and gingerly removes the thorn from the elephant’s foot. The elephant gazes at him meaningfully for a long moment, seeming to silently thank the man for helping him. Then the elephant turns and walks away.

Suddenly, the man remembers the old saying: “Elephants never forget.”

‘I wonder if that elephant will remember me?’ the man muses to himself before heading back to the jeep full of tourists.

Several years later, the man is back home and attending a circus carnival and he notices that one of the elephants keeps staring at him every time he passes by. It almost seems to know him. The elephant seems so sad about being locked in a cage, and as the man locks eyes with the animal, he gets an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. Then he remembers…

‘Could this be the elephant I saved all those years ago?’

He decides to get a closer look.

With the elephant still staring at him desperately, he approaches the cage. After a few minutes of deliberation, he thinks that it is indeed the elephant he helped a long time ago and decides to help it escape from its awful prison. He manages to squeeze through the bars, and the elephant continues to watch him as he does so.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here,” the man assures the elephant, smiling. The elephant still keeps its eyes on the man as it brings its trunk to curl around his body. Slowly, the elephant picks the man up and…

…SMASHES HIM TO THE GROUND, STOMPING HIM TO DEATH.

Yep, you guessed it: wrong elephant.

"The knack of flying is is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Foaly: This criminal mastermind, the one behind this elaborate scheme...
Root: Yes, what about him?
Foaly: Well, he's only twelve years old. And that's young, even for a human.
Root: Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes.
Foaly: That's Professor Moriarty.
Root: Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." --Axel Rose, Guns'n'Roses

Beast Boy: Robin even made Wildebeest an honorary Titan!
Raven: Robin made the mailman an honorary Titan.

Izumi: You helped bring a new life into this world, and that's an invaluable experience.
Ed: Naw... we just ran around screaming our heads off, thinking she was gonna die.

"(About writing a self-insert Danny Phantom fic) I just want to see the look on Danny's face when I tell him I want to get into Ghost Zone armed with nothing but a condom." --Yami-chan and Unrealistic

Warrick: We're on the outskirts of Vegas. This guy's been here for at least a week. Why aren't there any animal tracks? Coyotes should have been all over this place.
Catherine: Possibly because he's all dried out?
Warrick: So's beef jerky. People still eat it.
--Running Blind, by Dejah Thoris of Mars

Drabble Bending, by RedNovember
Zuko: Come on. Aang wants you there for his wedding. Kept going on about needing another bridesmaid or something.
Katara: Only if I get to pick the dress colors.
Zuko: Uh-uh. Toph's already done that.
Katara: ...She's blind.
Zuko: Exactly.

Snape: Jaganshi, would you be so kind as to explain to me why exactly you are molesting a statue at one o'clock in the morning?
Hiei: ...
--The Best Defense, by JoIsBishMyoga

Kurama: Sometimes you really freak me out.
Shiori: Not now; Mommy's busy killing police officers with a dildo.
Kurama: I rest my case.
--Mother's Interest, by bowserjr

Mulch: What are you afraid of? It's just a rear end.
Doodah: Yeah, but...it's smiling at me.
Mulch: Perhaps it's happy to see you. You don't want to be there if it gets angry.

"Girls are girls and boys are boys, y'know? So, uh, girls can't be boys because they're girls, and boys can't be girls... well, except for my Uncle Haku, but we're not supposed to talk about him." --Tsuyoshi

Letter Scramble:

George Bush: He bugs Gore
Dormitory: Dirty room
Evangelist: Evil's agent
Presbyterian: Best in prayer
Desperation: A rope ends it
The Morse Code: Here comes dots
Slot machines: Cash lost in me
Mother-in-law: Woman Hitler
Snooze alarms: Alas! No more Z's
A decimal point: I'm a dot in place
The earthquakes: That queer shake
Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one

And the big whammy...

President Clinton of the USA: To copulate he finds interns

Only in America...

1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

5. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

6. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

7. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

8. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Ways to Annoy People

1. Pay tolls with 100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
15. Bite your dentist's finger
16. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
18. Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads
19. Don't stand during hymns and anthems
20. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
21. Tell people they have bad breath
22. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
23. Flirt with a friend's spouse
24. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
25. Shake with your left hand
26. Use the quote bunnies after every other word you say when talking to someone.
27. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
28. Drum on every available surface.
29. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
30. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
31. Honk and wave to strangers.
32. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
33. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
34. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
40. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Darwin Award Winners:

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners.

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a 20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the 20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...15.

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5a.m., flashed a gun, demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human-kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course, one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

The Laws of Anime Version 6.0

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

Favorite Cartoons: Danny Phantom, Teen Titans, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Hey!Arnold, Courage the Cowardly Dog, South Park, Beavis and Butt-head, Family Guy

Favorite Non-Animated Shows: House, M.D., Psych, Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Favorite Anime: Fullmetal Alchemist, Rurouni Kenshin, Black Cat, Chobits (manga only), Yu Yu Hakusho, Case Closed, Samurai Champloo, Trigun, Fruits Basket, Naruto, D.Gray-man

If you have time, please check out my C2 communities, Archive for 'Phans' (Danny Phantom) and Mystique (Teen Titans). Thanks. : )