Hey there! A little bit about me:

Name: It's technically Alex, but I don't like it... I haven't decided on what I'm going to change it.

Gender: Agender.

Age: Questionable.

Country: I live Austria - that small little country that had once been an empire. I was born in a different country that was once a large empire.

Hobbies: Reading, my violin, writing, playing playstation, thinking.

Odd fact: I don't have nightmares.

Three Times The Trouble- This story is now on permanent hiatus, because the plot I had is awful, the writing is awful, and it basically a clusterfuck. But I'll leave it posted.

Quotes:

Inspiration comes to those who brandish a club at it and say “I’m gonna work, and you will help me! Or ELSE…”

Work is like air – usually stale, but necessary for survival.

Our perception of ourselves is distorted by our prejudices, our desires, our self esteem and the opinions of other people. The first ones should not exist, the second should be realistic, the third should not be too high or low, and the last should not matter.

Reality is nice, but my dreams are calling.

If you have no dreams, you have no purpose.

Worrying will drive you nuts, if working too hard won’t.

Knowledge is when you know that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is when you know not to add it to a fruit salad. Bravery is when you givie such a salad to your worst enemy. Self-preservation is when you run away.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others cause it whenever they go.

The problem with the gene pool is that there are no lifeguards.

The wastebasket is a writer's best friend.

I base most of my fashion sense on what does and doesn't itch.

If you haven't got anything nice to say to anybody, come sit with me.

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

When you hate someone, everything they do is offensive-look at that girl, eating those 10 crackers like she owns the place.

Awkwardly standing there when your friend is talking to someone you don't know.

The awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you're stupid.

You have a right to your opinion, and I have a right to tell you how stupid it is.

I miss those days when I could just throw someone in the pool without having to worry if their phone was in their pocket.

You'll always be my friend. You know too much.

I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here.

The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone to blame it on.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice!

Hold up! I can't hear you. Let me turn down my awesomeness...

If explosives didn't solve your problems you obviously weren't using enough of them.

It's a control freak thing, I wouldn't let you understand.

Everything here is edible. Even I am edible, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Best friends don't let you do stupid things...alone.

“I have no preference. I hate everyone equally.”—Avatar

My loyalty cannot be bought, however, it can be rented.

The scarred man smirked before looking at the occupants in the bed, "Hello, law abiding citizens," his gaze shifted to the three Uchihas, "Marginally law abiding citizens," and then his eyes fell on Kisame, "… citizen." --The Demilitarized Zone by michelerene

Minerva raised a single eyebrow at him, "Do you know how much alcohol I've confiscated from Gryffindors? I haven't had to purchase any on my own since I became their Head of House.

“It's not like the world will end tomorrow if we don't figure it all out today. " In retrospect, he was right. The world ended two days later.

If a basilisk, a bee, a dragon, two dementors, and a psychotic ministry hag couldn't off Potter, the Dark Lord didn't stand a chance.

"He would, of course, be infuriatingly inquisitive as to where you find these things." "He can be as inquisitive as he likes. I know how to be infuriatingly reticent, so I expect we’d come out even."

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

I'm the type of person who walks into a door and apologizes.

Procrastinators unite! ... tomorrow!

Some say the glass is half full, others say it's half empty; all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

I know it's going to be a bad day when I fall out of bed and miss the floor.

The shinbone: A device used for finding furniture in a dark room.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" then it hits me.

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky. They were amazingly beautiful, but the only thing I could think of was: What the hell did I do to my ceiling?

Hate: A special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Stress: The body's punishment for overriding the desire to strangle some jerk who deserved it.

I never changed; I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel... of course, it's usually the oncoming train.

The good news: I was right. The better news: You were wrong.

A word to the wise isn't necessary; it's the stupid ones who need advice.

The only sane people are the ones willing to admit they're crazy

In a writing work shop, Stephanie Meyer said: "I was sent down to Earth by the God of Writing to teach people how to write."

J.K Rowling heard this and said: "I don't remember sending anyone..." Well played, J.K Rowling, well played.

One by one the penguins steal my sanity.

Imagine what I could do if I had all my brain cells.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

"Cheese: milk's leap towards immortality." –Anonymous

"Drunk drivers are dangerous, but so are drunk backseat drivers if they're persuasive. 'Dude, make a left.' 'Those are trees...' 'Trust me.'" -Demetri Martin

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift.

That’s why it’s called the present.

"Demons run when a good man goes to war. Night will fall and drown the sun When a good man goes to war. Friendship dies and true love lies, Night will fall and dark will rise, When a good man goes to war." (River Song - Doctor Who)

"I am not afraid of the darkness, neither the shadows, I am afraid of what might hide in them..."

"The reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once."

"If I could get a firm grip on reality I'd choke it."

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible world. The pessimist fears this is true."

"Of course I'm out of my mind - It's dark and scary in there!"

"Oh shit your going to try and cheer me up aren't you?"

"My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone."

"When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing."

"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target."

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police."

"A nuclear war can ruin your whole day."

"In theory, everything works."

"Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?"

"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"

"Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh."

"I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."

"The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not."

"If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation."

"I will temporarily rule the world, forever."

"Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted."

"Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia. Unless you're in Australia, then start worrying."

"You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal."

"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them."

"The problem with reality is a lack of background music."

"I laugh in the face of death... Maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face, so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back."

"When I get up in the morning, I lay in bed until around lunch time... Longer if I wake up at lunch time."

Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff. Slytherins … will push someone else off. Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase. Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.

Ravenclaws will know a tomato is a fruit. Slytherins will know not to add it to a fruit salad, so as not to piss of the recipient. Hufflepuffs will chop it in to tiny little pieces. Gryffindors will give the salad to someone.

Any law enacted with more than fifty words contains at least one loophole.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

"Push" is the force exerted upon the door marked "Pull"

What some people lack in intelligence, they make up in stupidity.

There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.

If your parents don't have kids, odds are you won't either.

Curiosity kills more mice than cats.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

How many of you believe in psycho kinesis?...Raise my hand.

OK...so what's the speed of dark?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Just remember--if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

If you don’t talk to your cat about catnip, who will?

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.

Remember my face; I might need an alibi later.

Dear Dorothy,

Hate Ozz,

took the shoes,

Find your own way home.

Toto

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Make something idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

I'm not paranoid, just terribly, terribly alert...

Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish.

You can have as many friends that money can buy, but I’ll still hate you for free.

I never apologise. I’m sorry, that’s just the way I am.

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

When butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Me? Fail English!? … That’s unpossible!

I wonder if people wonder what I wonder, because I wonder what people wonder. Do YOU wonder what I wonder? Now THAT is what I wonder. I wonder what you’re wondering as you wonder what I wonder, if of course you’re even wondering what I’m wondering… I wonder...

I ate my homework cos my teacher said it was a piece of cake. – she lied.

I once thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

If all the world's a stage... where the heck is the audience sitting??

Don’t expect the unexpected unless the unexpected expects you.

There’s a fine line between genius and stupidity… I like to jump rope with that line.

In the beginning God made the heaven and the earth. The rest was made in China.

I am never serious. Seriously.

I don’t walk away from fights, I prefer running.

Many of us have sought the meaning of life. Fortunately it’s out on DVD now.

I’m always right… except when I’m wrong.

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

Excuse me, but do these stairs go up?

Traffic is moving at a standstill.

I always lie. Trust me.

To kill a mocking bird. Now that’s one less bird that will wake you up, with it’s chirping.

If aliens come down to earth looking for intelligent life: "Wrong planet. Sorry."

Who’s stupid, the stupid that called the stupid, stupid, or the stupid who was called stupid by the stupid?

Why can’t I get any soup with this fork?

Today, I took an elevator up from the top floor to the basement. It was up-lift-ing.

The is a thin line between a stupid and a fool. I’m on a quest to discover whether it was an idiot or a fool who erased it.

We cannot give you the weather today because we depend on weather reports from the airport, which is shut due to weather conditions. We might be able to give you a weather report tomorrow depending on the weather.

A day without sunshine is, like, night.

People always say you can be who you want to be but I can never be a potato.

Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you’d better set off a few minutes earlier.

"What colour was Napoleon’s white horse?" "Uh, I dunno… Black?"

As a girl was looking at a poodle, she said “Whoa! It’s a sheep!”

It's okay to talk to yourself. It's okay to ask yourself questions. It's even okay to answer those questions. Just don't ever ask yourself a question and then go "huh?"

Help, I've fallen and I can't...Hey nice carpet!

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

I'd rather be hated for whom I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

You say I’ve lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can’t lose what you never had!

Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

Order is for the stupid; true geniuses live in chaos.

I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.

I’m not bossy; I just know what you should be doing.

I may not be right, but I can sure sound like it.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it.

Anatidaephobia — fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

When I was born, I was so shocked that I didn't talk for a year and a half.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.

It's ok to argue with two characters on your shoulders.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

Anything thrown hard enough should hurt.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Moo! I'm a fish.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you!

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!

I did not hit you...I simply high-fived your face.

Save the world! (It's the only planet with chocolate!)

It's a beautiful day...now watch some idiot screw it up.

The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why learn?

Hey YOU! Yeah, you. No, not you... The other guy. You right there! Yes, you. Do you like tacos?

I dream of a better tomorrow when chickens can cross roads without their motives being questioned.

Do it today. It might be illegal tomorrow.

Junk is what you have had for years and throw it away three weeks before you need it.

I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

The police never think it’s as funny as you do.

Life is like a movie: If you are sad- Drama. If you are afraid- Suspense. If you are angry- action. When you look in the mirror- horror. Now you are smiling- that's comedy.

My imaginary friends think you have some serious problems.

I run with scissors...It makes me feel dangerous

Everything good in life is either illegal, fattening or bad.

If a turtle loses his shell, is he naked or homeless?

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me."

"He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with news...check if I'm happy..."

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Yes, I'm weird. No, I don't care.

Yes, I ask stupid questions. Yes, I do it on purpose.

Our opinion is not ridiculous or little. It is smart alecky and important.

Do you make an effort to be an idiot..or is it a gift?

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

"No Matter How Gifted you are...You alone cannot Change the World." -L (Death Note)

"I'll take a potato chip AND EAT IT!" -Light Yagami (Death Note)

"I don't care what you call me, I'm still taking your cake." -L (Death Note)

Misa: "I can't even imagine a world without Light!"

L: "Yes, it would be quite dark." (Death Note)

Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?

If con is the opposite of pro, then tell me, what is the opposite of progress?

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door.

I used to have a life, but that was before video games!

Don't look for inspiration. Start working and inspiration will come to you.

Take risks, if you win you will be happy; if you lose you will be wise.

There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the heck is happening.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and dark side, and holds the universe together.

Why are wrong numbers never busy?

Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?

I do visit reality, although it's only on a tourist visa.

Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Tell the truth and run.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

When in doubt, make up words!

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

Life isn’t trying to pass me by; it’s trying to run me over.

Luck favours the clever.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

What’s mine is mine; what’s yours is also mine.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

Education is important; school however, is another matter entirely.

Heaven doesn't want me, and hell's afraid I'll take over.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Whoever said that words don’t hurt, never got hit by a dictionary.

People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

'Pessimist' is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.

Don’t steal, the government hates competition.

Your village called, their idiot is missing.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

This isn't school! This is Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I'm never wrong. Once, I thought I was, but I was mistaken.

If it wasn’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

Whoever said, "Nothing is impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you idiot."

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Cat

You're on Team Jacob: I'm on Team Send Them Both To Hell And Bella Too

You're on Team Edward: . . .same as before

Fourth of July =

“It’s a celebration for the Declaration of Independence which Americans signed as a statement to proclaim their freedom from British rule.”

“Come again?”

“Pretty much after a long war filled with much blood, gore, and carnage, the Americans won, and are celebrating their victory over the losers.”

"Merlin, your faith in my all-seeing knowledge is both touching and wholly misplaced. Now if you've finished your work, maybe you should go to bed and leave me to mine." Gaius.

"Now, I wonder. If I tell you where I am, can I claim the twenty pounds? That would be a pound or so for each family here. You can eat a whole winter off that." Robin Hood

"Of course, after finishing Twilight, I find myself marveling at the wit and creativity of a Burger King menu." Dan Bergstein, Blogging Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Part 1

"In the words of Severus Snape: 'No, vampires do NOT sparkle! Ten points from Hufflepuff!'"