Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

If you wish to flame me,

For no good reason at all,

You couldn't help but blame me,

If you "accidentally" fall.

For if you say it's too short,

And write a letter of complaint,

I'm afraid I'll have to retort,

Without a bit of restraint.

And if you say it came late,

And bug me about the next chapter,

You will (on a later date),

Be run over by me on a tractor.

Should you happen to think,

My grammar is askew,

I'll have to tell you without a blink,

"Hey buddy- (insert 4 letter curse word here) you!"

So if you wish to flame me,

And call me all sorts of names,

I'm afraid you'd have to blame me,

If you find your house in flames.