BarthVader
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Joined 02-01-13, id: 4519661, Profile Updated: 07-21-20
Author has written 23 stories for Ed, Edd n Eddy, Fallout, and Persona Series.

"Aw, they [the Kankers] do have more on their minds than raping the Eds."
"I think this comment describes more or less everything Barth has written. XD"

Hi, my name is Bartłomiej (/barˈtwɔ.mʲɛj/) and I'm a killjoy.

That's the short version. The long version is, I joined this site as a high-school senior (well, the Polish equivalent of one) because I thought everyone else sucked and I wanted to prove them wrong.

The fact that all the fics I wrote in my first year here were either rewritten or erased from the face of the earth probably shows I didn't prove jack.

But over time I got better, found my own niche, and kept on writing. Irregularly, as a hobby. Mostly about the Kanker sisters from Ed, Edd n Eddy, because, being a lower-class bastard raised by a single mother with terrible taste in men, I've got an idea what to do with them as characters. Now, it's 2020, I'm working as a Software Developer, I'm still dabbling in writing, and two things happened:

- I got moved to a four-day work week, leaving me with too much time,
- I bought Persona 5 and found... aspects of the endgame irritating.

The end result was the first proper multi-chapter fic I've written in a long time, Zwrotnica. Named after the Polish word for railway switch, because why the heck not. Updated around weekends.

I can be insufferable, pretentious (vide: this bio) and insensitive. I'm also insecure, intoverted, constantly doubting, and looking for constructive criticism. Seriously, if you see a thing I did wrong, POINT IT OUT. Yeah, I'm a hobbyist, but I also strive to be a good hobbyist and I'm not getting there if you just pat me in the back.

Everything proofread by Mr Dusk, and occassionally others. Avatar by Faby AKA funnypopgirl. Cover art own unless stated otherwise. Can be also found on AO3 (as BarthVader) and dA (as bvader95).

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High School Never Ends by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel reviews
No one said it was going to be easy but jawbreakers be damned if they weren't going to try. Twelve individuals, twelve months to a year, one high school.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 36,055 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 12/30/2018 - Published: 7/2/2014 - Kevin, Eds, Kankers, Urban Rangers - Complete
Miracle on Rethink Avenue by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel reviews
The Eds are spending their Christmas Eve in Double-D's kitchen when someone knocks on the front door, setting off a chain reaction of ridiculous events.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,260 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/24/2017 - Kevin, Eds - Complete
To Try Something On My Own by kazikamikaze24 reviews
Edd, who was given a rare chance to set-up a scam while the other Eds were out shopping, took it upon himself to set up a project of his own design. Too bad his first customers ended up being his last, but was it the end of his business, or the start or something better?
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 24,164 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 157 - Updated: 8/14/2017 - Published: 10/20/2013 - Edd, Kankers
Age of Edtron by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel reviews
Equipped with some of Double-D's gadgets, the children of the Cul-de-Sac set out to defend their street, and themselves, against a dangerous threat accidentally created by the clever Ed himself.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,809 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 12/25/2016 - Published: 6/20/2015 - Kevin, Nazz, Eds, Urban Rangers
Twas One More Sleep Til Christmas by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel
With his decorations finally in place, Jimmy decides to retire to bed on Christmas Eve, filled with excitement about the coming day. His sleep is far from long however as a loud crash from his yard soon turns the festivities up another notch.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,676 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/24/2016 - Jimmy - Complete
Movie Night at Ed's by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel reviews
Ed wanted something independent, Edd wanted something with historic value and Eddy wanted something that showed a little skin. Strangely enough, they managed to agree on two movies in the end, with mixed reactions.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: M - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,338 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/17/2016 - Ed, Edd, Eddy, Eds - Complete
Six Word Fan Fictions for the Eds by Mr. Dusk
Inspired by the "Six Word Stories" subreddit, BarthVader and I made this compilation.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 244 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/21/2016 - Eds - Complete
Jack, King, Queen, Ed by daftguyman4 reviews
After an eventful evening, Double D needs to talk with Marie. She however, has other ideas...
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,356 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 18 - Published: 9/4/2015 - Edd, Marie - Complete
The Jock King And The Nerd Peasant by Luciu Splendente reviews
Kevin is the king of Peach Creek High School. However when Eddward transfers into the school due to his dad's job, he catches Kevin's interest by being the only loser who has the nerve to backchat to His Royal Highness! Meanwhile Eddy and Nazz are fuming and will do anything to ensure the 2 boys will never realise their fated love! What will happen? [KevEdd], Triggers: Bullying
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 27,012 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 8/23/2015 - Published: 7/27/2015 - [Edd, Kevin] Eddy, Nazz
When Old Collides With New by mandaree1 reviews
May's not the brightest bulb in the box. She knows that. Even still, she's wanted to get into college for years now. Everybody pitches in, and nobody's sure who that surprises most- them or the Kankers. But it's not easy, having a small town like Peach Creek collide with the rest of the world.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,289 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 5 - Published: 5/5/2015 - May - Complete
Dinner for Two by lolzwaitwhat reviews
Anny is stuck in the office late again and Tee checks up on her... that's the best description I've got that doesn't give anything away, leave me alone. Note: this is based off of Vampire Meerkat's story line, not mine, in her story, Tee is unemployed due to taking care of his sick father and Anny owns a big company in the city and makes a lot of money and is a work-a-holic.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,960 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/1/2014 - Eddy, Lee - Complete
Game Mechanics: Autobalance by Hobbithearted reviews
The BLU Medic makes a quick decision that ends up turning his life upside down. An unexpected gesture of charity gives the RED Spy an idea for his next cunning scheme, and the Heavy tries his hand at subterfuge. The Sniper's advice is unasked for, and the Engineer is unamused. There are also Sandviches. (No actual pairings, though one is somewhat implied towards the end.)
Team Fortress 2 - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 27 - Words: 94,530 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 325 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 4/19/2014 - Published: 8/14/2009 - Medic, Spy - Complete
Snowstorm by Duhastas the Dark reviews
A cold winter night can yield many surprises. What does this one hold for a girl wishing to cool off, and the boy who fears her?
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,491 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 29 - Published: 12/11/2013 - Edd, Marie - Complete
Who They Were by TFFWFKA elejamie -retired reviews
After much, much, MUCH delay, Kevin gives his longwinded, confusing, disorientated and probably unfinished take on his relationship with Edd and Marie. Final part of the Keveddarie Saga. Kevedd riba; Kevinazz.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,647 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/12/2013 - Edd, Kevin, Marie, Nazz - Complete
Edarchy by TFFWFKA elejamie -retired reviews
A series of random events happens to the Eds in late 1990s Peach Creek. Rated M for language, implied sexual content, violence - mostly because of what games Edd and Eddy play - and many other things. Not cancelled, but don't be surprised if I start updating again after a year or so.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 90,611 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 7/31/2013 - Published: 7/15/2012 - Eds
KevinBound by Recursive Sweatpants reviews
When the world is suddenly overrun with monsters, Kevin gains strange psychic abilities and is thrust by a series of events into an adventure with his friends to try and save the world - if they can even figure out who's behind it all.
Crossover - Ed, Edd n Eddy & Earthbound - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 68 - Words: 208,958 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 7/20/2013 - Published: 7/22/2010 - Kevin - Complete
Who She Is by TFFWFKA elejamie -retired reviews
The long-awaited (sarcasm) sequel to Who I Am and - indeed - the second part of the Keveddarie thing. In other words, it's a huge, confusing and poorly-written mess, about Marie's love life and other things. Marta, Nazarie at the beginning, hints of Kevedd. Rated M just to be safe, mostly because of language. Might be re-written soon.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,888 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/10/2013 - Edd, Kevin, Marie, Nazz - Complete
Elysium: Realm of Eternal EDventure by The Popcorn Fairy reviews
Ed, Edd n Eddy in a fantasy video game. **This is an old one that I'll probably be deleting once I start posting my new fantasy-based EEnE story.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 23,433 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 6/21/2013 - Published: 5/26/2013 - Eds
Who I Am by TFFWFKA elejamie -retired reviews
A reluctant author decides to take a break from writing one terrible story to write another. Oh, and Edd explains his love life and all that. First in The Keveddarie (Kevin/Edd/Marie) Saga, also Marie/semi-OC. Rated T for a few reasons. Riba.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,550 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/20/2013 - Edd, Kevin, Marie - Complete
What Ed's Done by The Popcorn Fairy reviews
Something is running amok in the cul-de-sac, leaving a trail of destruction every night. As their home and wellbeing fall apart, Edd struggles for answers, Eddy faces strange occurrences, and Ed has a suspicion that he is to blame for all this.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,154 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/31/2012 - Published: 10/28/2012 - Ed, Eddy - Complete
Research and Development: Wheatley by carolnegate reviews
Wheatley had never been anything other than a robot, but he was given something most AIs never had - the ability to change who he was. Rated for mild, humorous swearing, most of which only British people would consider inappropriate.
Portal - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 38,764 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 5/27/2012 - Published: 4/14/2012 - Wheatley - Complete
Reversal by Obvious Octopus reviews
When a dangerous mute lunatic is put in control of the Aperture mainframe, GLaDOS and Wheatley are forced to work together to save science.
Portal - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 20 - Words: 41,601 - Reviews: 268 - Favs: 641 - Follows: 273 - Updated: 4/1/2012 - Published: 11/1/2011 - Wheatley, GLaDOS - Complete
Why The Rainbows Make Me Cry by LightningsShadow118 reviews
"It ain't fuckin' funny, so quit fuckin' laughin' about it — you don' know what happened."
Team Fortress 2 - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,648 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 327 - Follows: 77 - Updated: 2/27/2011 - Published: 1/14/2011 - Scout - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Zwrotnica (ft Mr Dusk) reviews
After losing to the Phantom Thieves in the seventh Palace, Black Mask ends up on murder-suicide watch with a very heavy conscience and people holding not-unjustified grudges. It also turned out a change of heart wasn't enough for the Thieves' last target, but BM's more than willing to tip the scales in the real world for them... [Contains suicidal ideation and traces of comedy]
Persona Series - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 23,828 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 8/3 - Published: 5/30 - Phantom Thieves, Akira K./Ren A./The Trickster/Joker, Haru O./Noir, Futaba S./Oracle
Boot-Ed reviews
A prologue story in which three Freesiders and three Great Khans end up helping each other and talking politics. [Part of the Untitled EEnE/FNV Crossover]
Crossover - Fallout & Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,078 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 5/18 - Published: 3/26 - Eds, Kankers - Complete
1,21 Kankerwatts reviews
The Kankers deal with an overdue power bill.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,918 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/18/2019 - Lee, Marie, May, Rolf - Complete
Happy Birthday, Mrs Kanker (Redux)
Lee, May and Marie attempt to celebrate their mom's birthday, but some unforeseen complications force them to go the extra mile for it.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,707 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/14/2019 - Lee, Marie, May, Kankers - Complete
Ain't That A Kick In The Ed reviews
A barter attempt between a Great Khan and a Follower of the Apocalypse gets derailed by first, second and third parties. [Part of the Untitled EEnE/FNV Crossover, cover art by wr3h.]
Crossover - Fallout & Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,761 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/12/2019 - Eds, Kankers - Complete
Pick Me Up reviews
He was a boy, she was a girl. Also, he was fed up with her behaviour and she had a chip on her shoulder. Can we make it any more obvious? [Cover art by wr3h.]
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,832 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 8 - Published: 9/15/2018 - Edd, Marie - Complete
One and a Half reviews
Edd might be just a bit too lenient towards Marie's excessive drinking.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,500 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/12/2017 - Edd, Marie - Complete
Seamstressing for Beginners reviews
May gets a new job and Lee kicks down a door.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,654 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/30/2017 - Eddy, Lee, May - Complete
Thirty Presses, Two Eds reviews
After being placed in an emergency situation, Lee is forced to reconsider some things.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,794 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/14/2017 - Lee, Eds, Kankers - Complete
Ed Without Plot: Double Down reviews
Marie has a plan, and Edd... is Edd. Rated M for More of the Same Stuff.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,730 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/26/2016 - Edd, Marie - Complete
The Epilogue, or Can't Sleep Redux reviews
One week after an incident with a certain abusive sibling, two teens find themselves subverting their usual roles.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,623 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/7/2016 - Complete
A Snow Job reviews
The Kankers are armed (with snowballs) and dangerous! Eddy has a plan that would allow them to get out of this mess relatively untouched. What could possibly go wrong?
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,171 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/15/2016 - Eds, Kankers - Complete
Downpour reviews
A routine inspection of a summerhouse goes south and Edd ends up stuck with Marie Kanker. Will they manage to wait it out without getting to each other's throats?
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,366 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 9 - Published: 7/31/2016 - Edd, Marie - Complete
Worth Less Than a Thousand Words reviews
Assorted drabbles with some occasional continuity inbetween them. Mostly about Eds and Kankers, because that's what I'm good at.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,807 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 6/6/2016 - Published: 7/31/2014 - Nazz, Eds, Kankers
Self-Defense reviews
Lee is willing to do quite a lot to convince Edd to go out with her sister. [cover art by wr3h]
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,557 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 10 - Published: 7/11/2015 - Edd, Lee - Complete
The Morning After reviews
The first thing she registered was the color of the ceiling. The second one was whatever she was lying on was more comfortable than a couch. The third one was the blanket she was wrapped in, definitely softer than the one she usually used. She turned her head and registered a fourth thing: Eddy, next to her.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,094 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/23/2015 - Eddy, Lee - Complete
Ed Without Plot Redux reviews
After returning home, Ed is greeted in his room by a certain blonde girl wearing nothing but her underwear. Rated M for no reason.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,094 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/26/2015 - Ed, May - Complete
Sympathy for the Kanker reviews
During a perfectly normal social drinking event, a lil' secret regarding the Kankers is revealed. One-shot, formerly known as "An Addendum to The Purgatory Theory".
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,018 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 6 - Published: 11/3/2014 - Eds, Kankers - Complete
An Vino Veritas, or With Apologies To VampireMeerkat reviews
A drunk guy, an inebriated girl, a single bed. No, they don't bonk. Written for VM's birthday, contains An, Ann n Anny genderbends,
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,164 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/2/2014 - Eddy, Lee - Complete
An Without Plot reviews
An returns from a convent to a not-really-expected guest in her room. A genderbent rewrite of "Ed Without Plot", rated M for More Sex Jokes.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,106 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/9/2014 - Ed, May - Complete
Saturday An Special reviews
Larie Kanker, wanting to get on Ann's good side, comes over to her house with a very special gift. Vaguely f!Edd/m!Marie, based on VampireMeerkat's genderbends.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,516 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/25/2014 - Edd, Marie - Complete
Mistaken For Ed Redux reviews
Edd and Marie are on a date! Why? Well, Double D has a few reasons for inviting her, not all of them romantic. A rewrite of one of my first stories.
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,451 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 15 - Published: 4/23/2014 - [Edd, Marie] - Complete
Warm Me Up reviews
There's a blizzard outside, and Kankers have ran out of fuel for their furnace. What do they do? Convince the Eds to bring them some, of course! But they aren't that eager to go out either... (no shipping, no rants)
Ed, Edd n Eddy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,790 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 7 - Published: 4/12/2014 - Eds, Kankers - Complete