Also: Check out my friend Miss Vannix. She writes mostly for Supernatural, and I'm her Beta and coauthor.

I'm just a poor nerd from a poor family. I watch way too much TV and anime and read too many books

A dog has this bone. It's the most important thing in the world to him; he carries it with him wherever he goes. And one day, he goes down to the water and he sees another dog with a bone reflected on the surface. It's identical. And he wants that bone too, so he opens his mouth to grab it and his bone falls in the water and disappears. It's gone. And he's left standing there...looking at himself. And he has nothing.

Things Not to Do at Hogwarts!!

1. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp (a dance involving the pelvic thrust) will not earn me any House points (unfortunately).

2. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout, "I have the power!”

3. “Y’all check this here out!” is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to perform an experimental spell.

4. It is not necessary to yell, “Burn!” every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor.

5. (Maybe) I won't scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

6. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice.

7. I will not sing, “We’re off to see the wizard!” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.

8. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

9. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

10. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing Little Shop of Horrors music.

11. It is not necessary for me to yell, “BAMF!” every time I Apparate.

12. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom.

13. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug a Slytherin Day.

14. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the Charms corridor.

15. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT shirt.

16. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

17. “Draco Malfoy takes it up the arse!” is not an acceptable Quidditch chant…

18. I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

19. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles.”

20. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.

21. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

22. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps. (But how cool would that be???)

23. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals.

24. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.

25. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup.

26. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball.

27. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

28. “OMGWTF!” is not a spell.

29. I will not follow Potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens.

30. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

31. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

32. If asked in class about Avada Kedavra, yelling, “It does DEATH!!” may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer.

33. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force.”

34. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.

35. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin mascot.

36. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of good and evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout, “There can be only ONE!”

37. I will not refer to DADA professors as “canaries in the coal mine.”

38. I will not say, “Dude, get a life,” to Lord Voldemort.

39. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

40. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be.

41. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled “firewhisky.”

42. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.

43. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

44. Seamus Finnigan is not “After me, Lucky Charms!”

45. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.

46. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write, “I told you I was hardcore.”

47. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

48. I will not shout, "To infinity and beyond!!" when I take off on my broomstick.

49. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead" is never appropriate - particularly not in reference to Professor Umbridge.

50. I will not refer to Draco Malfoy as "the amazing bouncing ferret."

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: "Knowing when to come in out of the rain," "Why the early bird gets the worm," "Life isn't always fair," and "Maybe it was my fault."

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies(Don't spend more than you can earn), and reliable strategies(Adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 step brothers, I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Rest in peace. We shall remember.

Rose went away

So the Doctor was blue

Ask Donna, "Where's the Doctor?"

She'll reply, "Doctor Who?"

Sarah Jane and Martha

And now both the Ponds

Had their fun with the Doctor

And now they're all gone

So ask me again

Why the TARDIS is blue

There's a sad man inside

With both his hearts torn in two