HI! My name is Torie, but you can call me anything as long as it's not Vicky. I love to read, and have been doing so since well ... forever. OK my previous pen name was MeggieandFarid4evr, however I read the last InkHeart book (Inkdeath) and established the fact that i hate Farid cause he's total jerk to Meggie, so i no longer like them together. (sigh)

Favorite Book(s):

InkHeart, InkSpell, InkDeath - Cornelia Funke

Gallagher Girl Books- Ally Carter

the Bartimeaus trilogy - Jonathan Stroud

The Lord of the Ring Books (Including the Hobbit) - J.R.R. Tolken

Maximum Ride 1-3+5 (I absolutly hated number 4)- James Patterson

Twilight saga - Stephenie Meyer

The Inheritance Cycle- Christopher Paolini

The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

Angels and Demons and The Davinci Code - Dan Brown

Movie(s): The Prestige, 21, Prom Night, the Pirates of the Caribbean 1,2,3, The Davinci Code, Indiana Jones movies, The Illusionist, The Tomb Raiders, The Batman Movies

Hobbies: Reading, Volleyball, Softball, Soccer, and Skiing (some) and Barefooting (I absolutely hate shoes)

T.V. Shows: Gilmore Girls, Scrubs, the Amazing Race, CSI (the normal one not miami or ny) and Bones

Favorite Authors: Cornelia Funke, Ally Carter, James Patterson, C.S. Lewis, Ray Bradbury, and Agatha Christe

Celebs: Orlando Bloom, Patrick Dempsey, Brady Quinn, David Boreanaz

Favorite Characters: Will Turner, Jack Sparrow (POTC) Doria, Dustfinger, Gwin, The Black Prince, The Black Prince's Bear (InkHeart/Spell/Death) Dean, Logan, Rory, Lorelei, Luke, Colin, Finn (Gilmore Girls) Bones, Booth, Zach, Hodgens, Angela (Bones) Bartimeaus, Kitty, Nathaniel/Mandrake, Quezzle (Bartimeaus trilogy) Maximum Ride, Fang, Iggy, Dr. MArtinez (Maximum Ride)

Favorite Villans: Davy Jones (POTC) Capricorn, Basta, Roxane (Ink Heart/Spell/Death) Makepeace, Lovelace, Nouda (Bartimeaus trilogy) Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events ) Gormagon, The Grave Digger (Bones) Ari, Omega, The Director, ter Borcht (Maximum Ride) The Joker (Batman Mobies)

Favorite Pairings:

Farid/Meggie (InkHeart)

Doria/Meggie (Cause Farid was a jerk in InkDeath)

Susan/Caspian (Chronicles Of Narnia)

Max/Fang (Maximum Ride)

Bones/Booth (Bones)

Will/Elizabeth (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Rory/Dean (Gilmore Girls)

Rory/Logan (Gilmore Girls) I know I can't choose

Luke/Lorelei (Gilmore Girls)

Nat/Kitty (Bartimeaus trilogy)

Jack/Angela (Bones)

Sara/Grissom (CSI)

Bella/Edward (Twilight)

Favorite Quotes:

"Life is hard, and then you die"- Anonymous

"Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well"- Earl of Chestworth

"Because...I love you, you idiot!"- (Rory Gilmore) Gilmore Girls

"Truth is beautiful, without a doubt, but so are lies."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You're mad!"..."If I wasn't, this would probably never work."- (Jack Sparrow) Pirates of the Caribbean

"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." Benjamin Franklin

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid." Benjamin Franklin

"The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?" - Edgar Allan Poe

"I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator." -Twilight

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself turn into a villian." (Harvey Dent) The Dark Knight

"So much good, so much evil. Just add water." -The Book Thief

"I promise to love you forever- every single day of forever."-(Edward) Twlilight

"Someone hit me with a car." "We knew that already." "Yea, but now i have proof and i find i'm really annoyed." (Hodgins and Brenan)Bones

"Oh look a little golden man." National Treasure 2

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."(Adam Savage) Mythbusters

"We can sit in the corner with our backs against the wall so no one can sneak up on you and wack you with a cannoli." "Wack you with a cannoli?...Oh because he left the gun and took the cannoli." "You are so my daughter." (Lorelie and Rory Gilmore) The Gilmore Girls

"I kinda like it in here, it's private." (Jammie Hynamine) The Mythbusters

"It was the best of time, it was the worst of times..." A Tale of Two CIties

"What are you doing?" "Blackmailing you." "I like it." "I'm fairly certain your not supposed to." (Brennen and Booth) Bones

"When i die they'll freeze me right next to Ted Nudgent, and when they find the cure for whatever i died from and they unfreeze me. the first thing i'll say is how's Ted followed closely by Taylor." (Luke) Gilmore Girls

"Hey break down the door" "It hurts my shoulder when i break down the door." (Brennen and Booth)Bones

Max: (to Fang) "You look like a kitty-cat." Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment

Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What have you been eating, rocks?"
Max: "Why, is your head missing some?" Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment

Fang: "You are a fridge with wings. We're freaking ballet dancers." Maximum Ride: School's Out Forever

Fang: "Boy, you just can't kill people like you used to." Maximum Ride: School's Out Forever

Max: "Fang, Fang, Fang. I love you. I love you sooo much." (tries to hold out arms to show how much)
Fang: "Oh, jeez." Maximum Ride: Saving the World And Other Extreme Sports

Fang: "There is one bright side to this."
Max: "Yeah? What's that?" The new and improved Erasers would mutilate us before they killed us?
Fang: (grins) You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much. Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

Max: "Now, let's say they come get us."

Iggy: "And, like, the halls are full of zebras."

Gazzy: "And suddenly tons of bubbles are everywhere."

Nudge: "And then everyone starts eating beef jerky."

Iggy: "I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky right into their eyes! Now, that's a plan!" Maximum Ride : Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

Dr. Martinez: "Fang? Are you - like Max?"
Fang: "Nope. I'm the smart one." Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

ter Borcht: "Is dere anysing special about you? Anysing vorth saving?"
Fang: "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica." Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

Jeb: "Nothing is as it seems, Max."
Max: "Is that what the aliens told you when you took off your tin foil hat?" Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

"Change is the only constant."- New Amsterdam

"Just because i have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants." - (Brennen) Bones

"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

"Not all those who wander are lost."- J.R.R. Tolkien

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." -Twilight

"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pike

"The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye." Jimi Hendrix

"Where the hell are my bones?" - (Brennen aka Bones) Bones

"I can't drive." "You’re a genius who can’t drive?" "If you knew what I know about constructural design, you wouldn’t drive either." -Bones (Zach Addy)

“No! It’s a spider the size of a Buick and I think he’s got a gun!”- (Lorelai Gilmore) Gilmore Girls

"Would you please tell me what you are thinking? Before I go mad?- Twilight

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something." Plato

"Be clearly aware of all the stars and infinity on high. Then life almost seems enchanted after all."-Van Gogh

Copy & Pastes (These are just so me!)

If you have ever run in to a door, copy this.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this into your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy this (Oh ya Paige, so me right!).

If you have ever tripped down the stairs, copy this.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason at all, copy and paste this.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

If you have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this onto your profile to make it longer.

If you have ever tripped on air, and were so happy because you thought Edward Cullen might come and save you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy and paste this into your profile.

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony (or Bella, but that's another story), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn before hearing about the movie, and all the hype about it, copy this into your profile.

If you have a long list of fictional book/ movie characters that you are in love with, but Edward Cullen is clearly at the top of, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever fallen asleep at around 2 am reading Twilight , New Moon ,Eclipse and/or Breaking Dawn , copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're so obsessed with Twilight , that whenever you hear thunder, you think it's vampires playing ball, copy and paste this int your profile.

If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless then copy and paste this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile

OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. that and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.

And God (CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward," ... and it was good. I nearly died laughing when I read this... I just had to copy it!

Guys should be like Edward-rich, strong, and hot. If you agree copy n' paste it

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that you now have a built in Volvo radar, copy this into your profile

If you think Stephenie Meyer is one of the best writers in existence, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the Twilight series will rule the universe, copy this into your profile.

If you think that Bella and Edward were meant to be together, copy this into your profile!

If you compare people to Edward or Bella, copy this to your profile. (I'm really clumsy)

if you ever wondered who made up all of the 'copy this into your profile' things then copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the toaster,the microwave, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Elmocrazy,XxKimimaro's-little-stalkerxX . SakuraUmeTheDeadSheNinja, Sabaku no Kurai, MutantPaperClipWarrior,Sir Spamalot!,MaxandFang4evr

If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you love the rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a Book Worm like me paste this into your profile. :)

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or The O.C. or the Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall b4, put this in ur profile.

If you've ever been called weird because you typed OMC instead of OMG copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.

If you have ever passed notes in class when you are allowed to talk copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Sparrowflight, Frostpaw, Crazy Rayne, Ceata AliceandJasper4ever, BeautifulInsanity13, MaxandFang4evr

If you want to know what the COCA is, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, paste this on your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. Only a vegetarian, like the Cullens! I don't want to eat people!

If read New Moon and wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD,copy and paste this!!: )

If you have ever pushed on a door that said 'pull' or vice-versa, copy this to your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Too many people have died because of other's needs of fame and fortune. If you care post this on your profile.

If you run up a down escalator, copy this into your profile

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

Wierd is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this to your profile!

If you think Susan totally got an undeserved bad wrap in The Last Battle , Copy this.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this.

If sometimes you can't stop laughing fro no reason, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments, copy and paste this in your profile.

Milk taste good! People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this.

If you have ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this.

If you've ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're just completely clumsy, and hurt people in the process (hey! not on purpose), copy this.

If you think Meggie and Farid totally belong together, paste this.

If you got pissed off at Farid in Inkdeath and decided you didnt like him and Meggie them together any more, and like Doria better dispite his totally girly name, and had to change your pen name on fanfiction.net because of this, copy this cause we can be what people call 'insane' together.

If you have ever gotten kicked out of the movie theater for laughing during a scary move, copy this

A large percent of authors don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. If you do know the difference copy and paste this.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this to your profile

If you are the type of perosn who gets in trouble in class for reading while the teacher is talking copy and paste this and add your name. Queen of Atlantis, Bellas.My.Alter.Ego, Sir Spamalot, MaxandFang4evr

If you have ever wanted to become a character in a book, copy this.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you have had a conversation over two characters from a book/movie/tv show, copy this.

If you are reading this instead of doing something you really need to do, copy this onto your profile page.

A bunch of meaningful quotes from Twilight:

“Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.” –Bella

“When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.” –Bella

“I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.” –Bella

“Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.” –Bella

“Good luck tended to avoid me.” –Bella

“I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful.” –Bella

“…The phrase if looks could kill suddenly ran through my mind.” –Bella

“Edward Cullen is staring at you…but he’s still staring at you” –Jessica

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you? Life isn’t fair.” –Bella

“If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid.” –Bella

“Trust me.” –Edward

“I tried to think of a logical solution that could explain what I had just seen — a solution that excluded the assumption that I was insane.” –Bella

“I saved your life – I don’t owe you anything.” Edward

“I don’t like to lie – so there better be a good reason why I’m doing it.” –Bella

“I couldn’t allow him to have this level of influence on me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.” –Bella

“It’s better if we’re not friends. Trust me.” –Edward

“I wasn’t interesting. And he was. Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.” –Bella

“Bella, you are utterly absurd.” –Edward

“I said it would be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be…It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend. But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.” –Edward

“It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real. I was afraid that he might disappear in a sudden puff of smoke, and I would wake up.” –Bella

“I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly…I’m just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may.” –Edward

“What if I’m not a superhero? What if I’m the bad guy?” –Edward

“People can’t smell blood.” –Edward

“Are you frightened of me now?” –Edward

“The Cullens don’t come here.” –Sam

“I guess I just violated the treaty.” –Jacob

“Edward was not…human. He was something more.” –Bella

“I should be afraid – I knew I should be, but I couldn’t feel the right kind of fear.” –Bella

“Do I dazzle you?” Edward

“I feel very safe with you.” –Bella

“I was wrong – you’re much more observant than I gave you credit for.” –Edward

“You’re not a magnet for accidents — that’s not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for trouble. If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you.” Edward

“Your number was up the first time I met you.” –Edward

“I hear voices, and you’re worried that you’re the freak.” –Edward

“You don’t care if I’m a monster? If I’m not human?” –Edward

“They’re right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous.” –Edward

“It’s wrong. It’s not safe. I’m dangerous, Bella – please, grasp that.” “No. I told you, it doesn’t matter what you are. It’s too late.” –Edward & Bella

“You were right – I’m definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive.” –Edward

“I’m not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let’s leave it at that.” –Edward

“About three things I was absolute positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him – and I didn’t know how potent that part might be – that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” –Bella

“It was a colossal tribute to his face that kept my eyes away from his body.” –Bella

“Hadn’t you noticed? I’m breaking all the rules now.” –Edward

“How very inconvenient his little talent could be – when it wasn’t saving my life.” –Bella

“I do have some trouble with incoherency when I’m around him.” –Bella

“You don’t see yourself very clearly, you know. I’ll admit you’re dead-on about the bad things, but you didn’t hear what every human male in this school was thinking on your first day…Trust my just this once –you are the opposite of ordinary.” –Edward

“As it happens, I don’t mind being alone with you.” –Bella

“You need a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you.” –Edward

“Did they know that I knew? Was I supposed to know that they knew that I knew, or not?” –Bella

“It’s twilight…It’s the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?” –Edward

“People are predictable. But you…you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise.” –Edward

“Should I say ‘have fun,’ or is that the wrong sentiment?” –Bella

“Our relationship couldn’t continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or his instincts. My decision was made, made before I’d ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it thought. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him. It was impossibility.” –Bella

“Be safe” –Edward’s note

“It’s too easy to be myself with you.” –Edward

“I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn’t afraid.” “I don’t want you to be afraid.” –Bella & Edward

“I promise…I swear not to hurt you.” Edward

“I’m essentially a selfish creature. I crave you company too much to do what I should.” –Edward

“So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of heroin?” “Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.” –Bella & Edward

“You would have come.” “Without a doubt.” –Edward & Bella.

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…” “What a stupid lamb.” “What a sick, masochistic lion.” Edward & Bella

“If I’d ever feared death before in his presence, it was nothing compared to how I felt now.” –Bella

“He hesitated — not in the normal way, the human way. Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her reaction, to see how he would be received. Perhaps he would hesitate to prolong the moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself. Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still in control of his need. And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.” –Bella

“Besides, friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” –Edward

“If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it.” –Bella

“Can I have a minute to be human?” –Bella

“Mind over matter.” –Edward

“Bring on the shackled –I’m your prisoner.” –Edward

“I may not be human, but I am a man.” –Edward

“You are so absurd.” –Edward

“You…made…me…faint.” –Bella

“And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?” –Edward

“You do smell nice, I never noticed before.” –Alice

“They like you, you know…Actually, Esme wouldn’t care if you had a third eye and webbed feet.” –Edward

“It’s the one place we never have to hide.” –Edward

“I’m not running anywhere…You’re still waiting for the running and screaming, aren’t you?” –Bell

“I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re really not as scary as you think you are. I don’t find you scary at all, actually.” “You really shouldn’t have said that.” –Bella & Edward

“You seem…well informed about the Cullens. More informed than I expected.” –Billy

“You don’t mind, then? That I’m…all wrong for him?” “You’re what he wants. It will work out, somehow.” Bella & Esme

“I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now.” –Bella

“I will always tell you the truth.” “Then tell me then…how do you become a vampire?” Alice & Bella

“I heard, as if from underwater, the final growl of the hunter. I could see, through the long tunnels my eyes had become, this dark shape coming toward me. With my last effort, my hand instinctively raised to protect my face. My eyes closed, and I drifted.” –Bella

“Death shouldn’t be this uncomfortable.” –Bella

“Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…” –Edward

“I don’t seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you’ll get your way…whether it kills you or not.” –Edward

“I may not die now…but I’m going to die sometime. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And I’m going to get old.” –Bella

“I’m betting on Alice,” -Bella

“Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?” “And where do you fit into that scheme?” “Oh, I’m with the vampires, of course.” -Bella & Edward

“’We’ll be watching.’” -Jacob

“Twilight again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day it, it always has to end.” –Edward

“So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You’re ready to give up anything.” –Edward

“It’s not the end, it’s the beginning.” –Bella

“I will stay with you –isn’t that enough?” “I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn’t that enough?” “Yes, it is enough. Enough for forever.” Edward & Bella.

35 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.

17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price.

18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs.

19. Start a fish-stick fight.

20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruf shampoo you recommended.

21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!"

22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.

23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner."

24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.

25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.

26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.

27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."

28. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk". (this works best if you love Twilight, and don't try with Maximum Ride)

29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.

30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.

31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.

32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.

33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.

34. Bow to the display of T.Vs in the electronics section.

35. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid

Zen For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
11. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn't repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You're diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it's still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35.The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don't have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47.The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48.The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52.The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough chlorine!)
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Effective Ways On How To Annoy/Scare/Weird Out The Living Daylights Outta People (on elevators, in computer labs, etc.)
1. Repeat everything the person says in a question.
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World." incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now, damn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally. (Brian can do this and actually sound like a real cat... him and bolly started speaking cat back and forth and it was hysterical!)
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say, "I wonder what all these do." and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Ask every passenger that goes up if you can press the button for them.
26. Log on to a computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
27. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
28. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the dang thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
29. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
30. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
31. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
32. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
33. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
34. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
35. Send e-mails constantly to the person next to you.
36. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
37. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
38. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
39. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
40. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
41. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
42. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
43. Swat at flies that don't exist.
44. Dance, while drumming noisily against the walls.

Did you know...

kissing is healthy.

bananas are good for period pain.

it's good to cry.

chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

lying is actually unhealthy.

you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.

chocolate will make you feel better.

most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. (and I would like to point out that they are totally sexist pigs)

a good friend never judges.

boys aren't worth your tears.

My favorite word is sarcasm

I'm the kinda girl who gets fired from the M&M factory for throwing out the Ws.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Duct tape is like the force: both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. so so true

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

All the good guys are only real in books

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me

A friend will bail you out of jail but a best friend would be there beside you saying," we screwed up, but that was fun!!"

lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwasher liquid is made with real lemons

They sterilize needles for lethal injections (why? I'll never know)

Con is the opposite of pro, so Congress the opposite of progress

Flying is SO SAFE right, then why is the airport called the TERMINAL

Actual Labels

Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop"

Liquid plummer-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" Are you sure?

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances"

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children."

Dog food-"new and improved tasting", who taste it to make sure its improved?

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." Yummy...

Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness" CAuse thats not the desired effect..

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" Why did I buy it again?

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." Are you sure? Lets experiment .

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." Really?

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." Gasp!

Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping" But thats the only time I have to work on my hair!

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regaular soap" And that would be how?

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving sugestion: Defrost" But it's just a sugestion.

Tesco's dessert (printed on bottem of the box)-"Do not turn upside down" To late! you lose!

Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Warning: product may be hot after heating." Wow, I would have never guessed!

Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." But wouldn't that save more time?

Boots childrens cough medicine: "Do not drive or operate machinary." We could do alot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year old off of fork lifts.

Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children."

Christmas lights; "For indoor and outdoor use only." As opposed to outer space.

Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." Now I'm curious.

Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts." But no peas?

American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts." Someone got paid big bucks to write this one...

Swidish chainsaw:"Do not attept to stop chainsaw with hands." Raise your hand if you've tried this.

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be

stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the

fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those

who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he

will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12

people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

Good or best friend!

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground which aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

The Guy

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

1. What is your occupation? Going to school

2. What color is your underwear? Um...next question?

3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing

4. What was the last thing you ate? Well, I just woke up... So that would be yesterday's dinner. Pizza.

5. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue

6. How is the weather right now? raining

7. Favorite drink? Coke, I hate Pepsi

8. Favorite sport to watch? whatever i feel like, god stop questioning me!!

9. Have you ever dyed your hair? nope!

10. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses. But I'm getting contacts sooon!!

11. Pets? One dog, two cats, and a bunny

12. What is your favorite T.V. show? Bones, Scrubs, CSI or the Amzing Race oh Gilmore Girls too but that ended, o well.

13. What was the last movie you watched? The Notebook, god i hated it

14. Favorite day of the year? idk

15. What do you do to vent anger? call my friends (sorry guys)

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? umm...i don't remember! I'm just trying not to fail school.

17. Fall or Spring? Fall

18. Hugs or kisses? huggles!

19. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry!

20. What is on the floor of your closet? All the junk that my mom won't let me keep on the floor of my room.

21.Favorite smell? Fresh baked cookies

22. What inspires you? music and books

23. What are you afraid of? spiders, snakes, airplanes and I think thats it

24. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? cheese

25. Favorite car? Red or blue farrari

26. Favorite dog breed? umm.. a black lab i guess

27. Number of keys on your key ring? well considering i just lost my keys.. idk

28. Favorite day of the week? Friday!

29. How many states have you lived in? 1.5. long story

30. How many cities have you lived in? 1.5.

31. Ever driven a Motorcycle or Heavy machinery? ha me on a motorcycle now THAT WOULD BE DANGEROUS