I have been writing nonsense for 8 years now, on and off. I write for a ton of fandoms, which seem to get more and more embarrassing the older I get. But dammit, if I'm gonna be a loser, then I'm going to be a loser in style.

I like rarepairs and villains, basically.

Fun fact! As you go down the page, the stories get exponentially worse.

WHO THE FRIG I AM

I'm a giant nerd who has giant nerd pasttimes.

I am a female, feminist, foodie college student in Arizona. In January of 2011, I'm going to be a student at the Culinary Institute of America in St. Helena, California. I am attempting to become fluent in Spanish. I have a weird sense of humor. I like things that are inherently outrageous or over-the-top, such as pointing dramatically and The Decemberists. I fall in love too easily with a lot of things. I am a yaoi fangirl by nature, because subtext rules and context drools. I am an attention whore who knows better than to actually act like one.

My stories have two settings: absurd humor and maudlin drama. Occasionally, introspection! I used to be really good at things like descriptions but then I wrote 4 years worth of theatrical writing and now everything I write is dialogue-heavy and overloaded with doorknob symbolism - a term which refers to symbolism that does not enhance or contribute to the meaning of any given story. Example: calling any given movie character a Jesus parallel. Oh, and also! I have a really weird tendency to accidentally write lots of Marxist theory undertones into my stories. I didn't even realise I did this at one point, but it's true. To my knowledge, it is the weirdest writing problem ever.

I have been a contributing member to a bazillion fandoms since I was like 11. No joke. Now I am 18 and I have like, no grasp on reality at all. FANFICTIOOOOON (shakes fist)

I like slash, long plot-heavy fanfics, tiny well-written drabbles, badass villains that do not cry all the time, vampires, and thiefshipping. And Regina Spektor. Oh, Regina. You are the world's Mary Sue. Please come back to Arizona.

I read Twilight for the lulz. Google Cleolinda Jones and you'll understand.

Fun fact: I will spell Malik/Marik's name however I feel like at any given time. Also, I use dub names and original names interchangeably. Not like, within the same story or anything, because that would be SO confusing. But it isn't uncommon for me to call the blonde guy "Joey" in one fic and then "Jounouchi" in another. Why do I do this? Because I CAN.

THE SHIPS THAT I SAIL

Phantom of the Opera
Erik/Christine
Raoul/Christine
Erik/Nadir

Wizard of Oz
Dorothy/Scarecrow
The Witch/The Wizard

Yu-Gi-Oh!
Thiefshipping (Marik/Yami Bakura)
Bounceshipping (Rebecca/Ryou)
Xenoshipping (Isis/Rishid)
Peachshipping (Yugi/Anzu)
Puzzleshipping (Yugi/Atem)
Silentshipping (Serenity/Seto)
Trustshipping (Seto/Isis)
Binkyshipping (Little Kuriboh/Marik) I mean what?
Trisbyshipping (Tristan Taylor/Bill Cosby)

Final Fantasy X/X-2
Yuna/Brother
Auron/Rikku
Nooj/Paine
Baralai/Paine
Nooj/Lucil

Harry Potter
Voldemort/Quirrell. Oh hell yes.

Batman
Harley/The Joker

Death Note
L/Light
L/Misa
Rem/Misa
Me/Matsuda (yeah, I went there!)

Twilight (shut up, I'm a lolfan)
Alice/Bella FTW

STORY UPDATES OR THE LACK THEREOF

I actually do intend to write more of Twister at some point, but you know how it is with writer's block and dead inspiration. I have an almost-finished chapter somewhere.

The Greatest Of All The French Chicks will likely never update again, but then again it never had much of a plot in the first place so I don't mind leaving it off there. I secretly still love it, even if it's the most retarded thing ever.

The Children of Satan is dead from Mary Sue. Accursed original characters! Also, don't read it.

For the record, Rag Doll was never intended to be anything more than a one-shot. So yeah.

PLEASE do not read Paine: A Warrior's Story. It is the worst thing ever. I can't believe I still have it up, but I guess nostalgia compells me to leave it there so that I can constantly view my shame.

FIC WRITING PLAYLIST FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE (?)

On The Bus Mall - The Decemberists, Picaresque
Lovers in Japan - Coldplay, Viva la Vida
I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - The Scissor Sisters, Ta-Dah
Of Angles and Angels - The Decemberists, Picaresque
The Origin of Love - Hedwig & The Angry Inch
Low of Solipsism - Death Note OST
The Voice - Celtic Woman, A New Journey
Tidus's Theme - Final Fantasy X OST
Light Lights Up Light - Death Note OST
Lazy Afternoons - Kingdom Hearts II OST

IN THE FUTUUUUURE

LOL UPDATE SRS BZNS: I seem to be taking another extended break from writing! But fear not, I will always come back in the end. All the stuff I talked about writing still exists, I'm just dealing with the dreaded Real Life Stuff right now. Once I move early next year, I predict another outpouring of writing. Hey, who knows? I might even upload the prologue chapter to the multichaptered nonsense I was talking about below some time in the near future.

I'm working on a few one-shots - namely xenoshipping and bounceshipping, because for some reason I find writing those couples really enjoyable. I scrapped the prostitutes AU fic I mentioned last time, because it wasn't going anywhere and it was turning out to be more original flavor than You-Gay-Hoe related. So now I'm working on something completely different: a supernatural multi-chaptered spiritshipping after-canon fic called Soul Release. It's very different from anything that I've ever written before, in that it actually has a coherent plot. I haven't ironed out all the fine details yet, but the first chapter is almost done, so that'll likely be the next thing I upload.