O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

-: Whimsical Symphony :-

I am a proud member of Critics United. If you wish to complain or thank me for one of my reviews, please do so here or by PM.

I am the Anti-Hero - Alone, broody and so insanely cool it hurts. (From Springhole which is a pretty amusing site in all actuality.)

Country - Canada

Language - English

Age - 23

Birthday - October 4th

Education - Currently working on my Master's in Journalism and Communications

Undergrad degree with majors in English and Political Science

Current Obsession - Haikyuu, Final Fantasy VII (permanent obsession along with Crisis Core especially)

Favourite Character - Genesis Rhapsodos (Number one on my favourite list - irreplaceable)

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

-: Contents :-

I. Updates on the Elusive Author

II. Introduction

III. The List of No-No's in Fanfiction

IV. The List of Fail Excuses and Threats from Rule Violators

V. The Last Note

I'm impossibly vain, but you can deal with it, right love?

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

I. -: Updates on the Elusive Author :-

August 10th, 2017

So, it's been quite some time. I know some people have been wondering about some of my stories. I've had a lot to deal with over the past year like applying for my Masters and now dealing with getting an apartment and such for September to continue my schooling.

I want to get back into writing fanfiction. I can't believe it's been a year since I've updated. So here are the things I do promise to update for you soon.

-Tempus Paladin

-Ink on Paper

For any of you still following that story or wondering what's happened to it, know I had no intention to just abandon them, especially the second (yikes! Two years without an update!). The next chapter of Tempus has a bit written, as does Ink on Paper, so I'm going to be working with what I prewrote, so hopefully I can have a finished product for whoever actually still reads those things. I apologize so much for my absence. Life is hectic and it seems the older I get, the less I can write.

April 13th, 2016

And so, I've started writing again. I try to avoid a lot of it during the school year because it's a distraction, as in it's actually writing I very much want to do in comparison to essays. I'm also still not healthy, which is added stress.

But, as you all know by now the next chapter of Tempus' Paladin has been posted, which those of you who have read it or plan to can be happy about.

I'm also currently working on the next chapter to Ink on Paper, my Letter Bee story because it's been a while, as well as revitalizing Proverbial Revitalization for the millionth time.

As for my newest Kingdom Hearts story; I hate to say I don't know when the next chapter will come up. I've written chapters upon chapters of that story and I'm generally just not liking it. I had an original plan for the story, changed it up, and now I don't like some of the problems I've given the characters. So we'll see if I feel like changing that up and going up and fixing what is about 70 pages of story that I have on a Word Document.

And to make that up, I'm tentatively planning a superhero AU for Kingdom Hearts just because I think it would be funny. I have no idea when that'll go up or if it even will since I haven't tested it out by attempting to write it. My more recent stories (I'm not talking about some of the ancient stuff I have on this account), seriously you all are blessed with some of my best content that is filtered out from so much writing that doesn't go up here (it still won't be incredible, but unfortunately it's the best I have) that it almost makes me wish I didn't have to see some of the failures I go through on a daily basis in terms of writing.

October 15th, 2015

So again I've taken quite a long break from posting on here, stories or updates on my whereabouts, but life has gotten in the way. I assure you I am writing and I am planning on updating, so there's no need to think that I've abandoned the site. I've done most of the next chapter for Tempus' Paladin, it's about 10k words, I think, and I'm just focusing on the end which I'm unfortunately stuck on.

My health has also not been the greatest and that's really prevented me from doing much. Anyone who has followed my sporadic updating schedule or has gotten to know me via PM will know that I'm not the healthiest person in the world, by any means. Bad health on top of school takes up quite a lot of time, especially since I'm taking a Russian Politics course this year and I can barely spell anyone's name.

I hope to update soon, hopefully within the next week after I hand in my essay and work out the ending to the next chapter of Tempus' Paladin. Please don't hate me too much, since I'd really like to update more as well. Life is a pain in the neck, unfortunately.

June 2nd, 2015

Not as long as an absence this time as you're used to seeing from me. I assure you I won't take another year break from Tempus' Paladin as well!

The next chapter is coming along, it's just been difficult to write since I started my job for the summer. I don't have the time to actually sit down and spend hours on it, and especially when I have to rewrite stuff like I usually do for Tempus when it doesn't sound right. It's not the kind of story where I can get by on the first try, especially with all the plot twists and with things actually needing to be significant.

That being said, here's a little snippet for you. I'm hoping it'll be out in the next week. This is just humour and literally a useless part of the chapter, but here's a part I've got for you!

"I can’t say I object to that, so long as I am one to go after Hojo,” Genesis stated firmly. He stayed within close proximity of Tifa, probably unwilling to let her out of his sight now. He addressed his student then, voice soft and adoring. “Where are these cadets you speak of, Teef? I suppose the rest of our companions must be their knights in shining armour, since I am only your devoted knight.”

“You’re giving me a cavity, yo! Stop with the mushy stuff.” Reno gagged dramatically. “You in love with him or something?”

Cissnei sighed, knowing he had a knack for getting the short-tempered First-Class SOLDIER to well, lose his temper. “Reno, stop being an idiot. We have more important things to deal with.”

Reno looked about to protest, but was cut off by Genesis who sounded irked. “It’s best you listen to the lady, as I don’t have the patience to deal with your petty, immature comments. I believe they’re fuelled with jealousy. Even someone with hair dyed a garish colour like yours has good taste.”

Tifa could see Zack looking from Genesis’ head to Reno’s, confused. “You guys pretty much have the same hair colour.”

“Yeah, if mine’s "garish", yours is too, you priss, yo!” Reno exclaimed, affronted.

Genesis snorted, gesturing to his own hair before explaining, “Mine is an elegant, not to mention natural auburn, while his is firetruck red.” He smirked at Reno, before tacking on one of his usual insults, “It’s foolish to rely on Zack to discern colours properly. Dogs are colour-blind, after all.”

When Reno looked to Zack, he only shrugged, as if he were used to it. “He wouldn’t be Gen without insulting me. I’d be more worried if he was being nice. Which reminds me,” Zack continued, grinning at Genesis, “It’s great you’re back to normal. Thought you were going crazy, thanking me and all.”

“Then I won’t do so again,” Genesis stated, scowling.

So I am working on it, make no mistake! I have to make Genesis as arrogant with witty little quips as he usually is. It pains me to say how much I love writing him and fear making him a boring character. I don't want the chapter to come out and for him of all people to seem boring, lackluster, and so completely un-eccentric. When the chapter comes out, I hope you read and let me know what you think!

April 19th, 2015

I've gotten a couple of sad PMs asking if with the newest update, Tempus' Paladin is close to finishing because it seems like it does. The answer to that is no, it's not close to ending, at all. I wasn't planning it to be just a story centred in Midgar and there's a lot to explore when Tifa's a SOLDIER. There's also still a lot of problems that need resolving, like the whole thing with Sephiroth, and Genesis' degradation.

If it was only supposed to be a couple more chapters, I would have finished it a year ago. But nah, this story is supposed to be an epic length one, a whole adventure. Therefore, after this arc comes to a close they will go travelling. Yes, it's the end of an arc, but nowhere near the end of the story.

Also it's lacking a hell of a lot of Rufus even after he was basically the one who screwed everyone over, and I was planning on introducing him to Tifa later just to see what she'd think about that!

April 14th, 2015

So... my Roommate Namiku story is up now for a test run. I'm not sure how good it is but whatever. It's titled The Roommate and Co. Go check it out if you want and tell me your thoughts, I'd be pleased! Rip it a part even, I'll feel happy you took the time to do so.

Furthermore, the Ace/OC story has finally been released. Lydia's personality has been tinkered with a lot and I think I've finally found the perfect balance so that she doesn't seem unnatural. I'm really in the mood for introducing stories I've been working on a lot in my free time. Here you are, hope you enjoy!

April 9th, 2015

And so, the next chapter of Tempus is finally up - hurray! It's also quite long. I'd like to say that it was because I wanted to give all my readers a gift because of my long absence, but it sort of just worked out that way. I'll try to update the next chapter quicker, within the next couple weeks hopefully. Don't worry, I won't be taking a year's absence anymore. I still have a multitude of health problems, but at least I can write a long story now. I mostly wrote my shorter stories in the past year because they were easier and didn't take the same amount of time.

I'm also working on the next chapter of A Penny for Your Thoughts and I'm hoping for that to get done soon. Ink on Paper's next chapter is halfway done but still needs work.

I'm still debating over whether to post my roommate story with Namine and Riku. I've written about 9 chapters of that thus far and I think it's funny. But I'm not a very funny person so I might be wrong about that. I'm one of those idiots who laughs at their own jokes.

Anyway, have fun reading and shoot me a review or PM if you want! I'm always looking for critique too, so don't be shy.

April 5th, 2015

Just to let those know awaiting on the Tempus' Paladin Chapter XVI that it is coming along well. I'm done about 5 500 words and I have a bit more to go. It is coming along and that part at least doesn't need too much editing since I did it before. I'm on about the final stretch and am expecting the chapter to be posted within the next few days to a week, so my long hiatus on this story will finally be over! This is one of those weird interconnecting chapters which is difficult to write, but I'm expecting things so go faster after this one, especially since I'm done with school now for the next four months. I have to put up with a shitty desk job, but that's something else altogether.

So, a little humorous mini-teaser of Genesis and company wandering through the sewers:

“I must admit, I did not expect to be travelling through the sewers. It is a little unpleasant,” Genesis noted, glancing at the hem of his signature crimson leather trenchcoat, caked with mud and whatever else, he did not know. Whatever smell hit his nose was rancid and putrid and if Genesis didn’t put his mind to focus on the importance of this mission to save his student, he supposed he would have had to part with his pride in order to hurl. Not even he could control his bodily functions when met with such a disgusting scent. “I both look and smell horrid. I’ll have to burn every article of clothing I’m wearing afterward.” He paused and then added, without remorse, “Along with Hojo’s corpse, of course.”

“I’d like to call you vain, but I’m not faring much better, Gen,” Angeal offered, gesturing to his own form. Genesis wrinkled his nose, then seeing the same brown and yellowed stains that looked all too similar to fecal matter painting his dear friend’s black pants. Though, they did walk through a sewer so shit, much to his displeasure, did seem all too understandable. “But this is for Teef. Sewers are nothing. We must save him.”

Now, that gave away absolutely nothing, but I did enjoy writing that part. This'll tide you over for the next few days while I slave over my writing so this chapter that's come out after almost a year ends up much better than my previous chapters. Oh how I want to go back and edit. I can actually feel my writing style change and seem so much better than before! But since I think people would rather have me post chapters than edit, I suppose I'll have to put that off until another time.

I'm not dead, I'm just slow! But hopefully you all will forgive me for that.

February 21st, 2015

It's a new year and I'm still writing. Slowly, but surely. I've updated my Letter Bee story quite a bit so I've been sort of ignoring my other stories. However, I do have a pretty good surprise. Chapter XVI of Tempus' Paladin is on its way! I'm not lying. I'm a fantastic 1,500 words in... which still leaves quite a bit to go, however, I did get this done alone in a couple hours. After I'm done my first draft it's just back to the editing board and then it shall be ready. I know you all thought I gave up on the story, but I really couldn't. It's my most popular, and one of the stories I am the most proud of. I'm also pleased at the critique I've been getting for that story about the writing style. It started out as a more experimental style at first and then I felt bad about changing it midway through because then it wouldn't match. However, I can see where the imagery and tangents go to far now and if I get some time, I would like to go back and edit some portions of it.

Here is a sneak-peak for you!

“That scum Rufus has betrayed us and is leading the SOLDIERs and Turks to this lab right here. We must move them, you stupid assistants!” Hojo exclaimed. Tifa could imagine him clenching his jaw and fists tightly, holding back the urge to pummel one of his assistants to a bloody pulp. She wondered if the man treated anyone well, if not even his own subordinates who risked much of their own careers by standing by him. “Do you listen at all?”

“Y-Yes Professor Hojo! But where should we move them? There’s nowhere else to put them!” one of his assistants replied fearfully. “I don’t want t-to lose my job!”

“If you do not want to lose your job, you had better listen. I hire you and I fire you – without me you are nothing. At least with me you can become third-rate assistants,” Hojo commented cruelly with a laugh. Tifa abhorred that laugh. It reminded her of everything he had done, in this life and the past where he destroyed so much dear to her heart. Hojo also experimented on Sephiroth, caused him all the suffering he experienced, all the isolation, the torture, turning him into a mere puppet to Jenova’s will. That hadn’t meant much to her before, but now that she had been privy to Sephiroth’s kindness, his care, warm familial love, comforting like a bonfire in the cold, she grew angry for him. “So do what I ask or you have no career anymore. It is either with me, or you crash and burn. You have already broken protocol many times over; and in this company, only I can get away with such things and you, only under my influence.” He quieted for a moment and thought before he said, “We can move them there. It is a place Rufus Shinra will not even be familiar with. I knew he would do something so utterly stupid like betray me.”

“Should we begin making preparations then, Professor?” the same assistant who feared for his job, asked.

The tone of Hojo’s voice grew lower, spliced with both fire and electricity. “Of course, you idiot! What do you think I’ve been speaking for!”

So, the world is going to hell in my story. However, Tifa's going to be more useful in this chapter. I've been keeping in mind about some of the reviews saying Tifa needs to be a damsel, so I'm definitely sticking to that. But, there's being a damsel and then there's making use of what she can do, in her situation which is not much. But she'll do something which prevents her from being one. Remember, though the story is about her saving the world, it's doing so through preventing certain things from happening, which involves sometimes more inaction than action. Tifa has never been an overpowered Mary Sue who can save the world by herself. That's part of what makes it difficult.

Hope you all enjoy the chapter once it comes out! I promise I won't take about ten months to update again.

December 11, 2014

Still been writing and I updated two stories lately! I'm sorry for being so slow with everything. I've been dealing with a lot of health problems and I'm not in the best shape at all, so it's been hard. Regardless, I've gotten some stuff done and I'm writing stories I haven't even posted yet, but eventually I'll put them up.

My OC for One Piece is slowly getting more fleshed out - she's quite knowledgeable about herbs in cooking and other cooking ingredients, which means that she knows about poisons from a non-professional perspective. For example, Cassava when improperly cooked is toxic to the human body. Furthermore her dream has evolved to wanting to find the rarest cooking ingredients and learn the cooking of other islands to form her own style. I'd like to think I appreciate how I've made her - she's not like other cooks.

My story for Kuroko no Basuke, "A Penny for Your Thoughts" has been updated so go check that out if you were reading it before or want to now. I couldn't leave my OC Suzume alone for too long. I enjoy writing her quite a bit and I'm pleased other people like her too. And the relationship is developing though slowly because she's older and sees Kise as a kid. It's very one-sided for him right now. Her past is getting revealed slowly too. I'm glad that no one thinks she's sue-like at all and she's seen as mature, reasonable, funny and wise. I wanted her to have that kind of response. Also, I'm surprised some people are letting me know they've learned some good life lessons from her. I never expected her to be inspirational at all. It makes me blush.

Lastly I've updated, "Ink on Paper", my Letter Bee story. Another update will come soon as I've already written a few chapters ahead. Again, I'm pleased Elsa is a good OC for anyone reading this and you find her both amusing and like the fact she's an independent bookworm. I really enjoy writing her. Hers and Jiggy's romance is a slow-burning one that comes from a lot of random talking, so I'm glad that's not boring.

Hope you stick around for more updates because I'm also working on the next chapter of Tempus' Paladin. I want to update a lot of my stories this break! Thanks for reading!

November 9, 2014

So obviously, I was supposed to post some stuff quite a while ago but just didn't. I'm still thinking the One Piece one will be the first to come up. Lydia still needs some fixing in her character before I'll be satisfied enough to post it. Darn she is difficult to write mostly because she's so well, different and contradictory the whole time. I tried to make it more subtle, but she does have a bit of mental illness even though it is never explicitly named. I've tried to handle the topic as tactfully as possible since I suffer from mental illness as well. So it's not a joke. Mental illness is 24/7, not just when it's convenient for her and it does cause a problem with her relationships with others because she's really a bit irrational with her temper sometimes.

I hope I can post it soon. I'm looking forward to building up her relationship with Ace. I still hope she'll be well received. I'm anxious about posting OCs all the time. I see the votes on the poll - I never expected people for me to actually want me to post it. Well, here's to show I have been working. A scene with lovely, lovely Izo.

“So, what was I saying again?” Ace commented idly after waking up merely five minutes later. The two girls looked at one another, quite unsure as to what to say. “Hey, we should probably point some people out to you, shouldn’t we?”

Now that he thought about it, she didn’t know anyone on this ship then besides himself and Marco, now Haruta apparently. He amusedly wondered how she’d react to Izo, for one. Ace rose and offered a hand to the girl, which she took and then immediately let go of, even if the warmth of it was comforting. Haruta followed along with them. True to his thoughts, they first stopped by talking to Izo, who danced with fans for a crowd of spectators then, definitely enjoying the attention.

“This is Izo,” Ace supplied helpfully, gesturing to the cross-dressing man. “16th Division Commander.”

“And yes,” Haruta continued, “he’s male.”

Lydia wondered just how many women would have found themselves jealous of Izo and his beauty. Lydia thought a lot when she remembered the vain village girls back on Mercator Island who did everything to get clear, flawless skin as Izo did now. Not to mention his grace with the dancing, twirling around, like a bird cutting through the air and a tiger prowling in long blades of grass – it was beautiful. He also danced because he wanted to. Everyone on Mercator did it solely for money.

“Beautiful,” Lydia noted in awe. At that Ace and Haruta shared a look that said they knew how Izo would react to that.

Izo stopped, closed his fans, and looked at Lydia, pursing his full lips. “Well, I’ve decided I like her. Izo, 16th Division Commander.” Setting her with a charming smile, he said, “Anyone who notices my beauty must be worth it.”

“Lydia Pavlov…” Lydia knew then this beauty definitely knew of his beauty and anyone who didn’t realize to him, was as blind as a bat. She laughed nervously. “Is that so?”

Obviously, this shows off her less-dark side. Generally she is a sweet person, that's not disputed, but she's got her fleas from a bad environment at home. So she does need friends to help her out sometimes and she does treat people badly sometimes. Her anger get the best of her and she explodes. At the same time though, her fear of abandonment is so strong, she's the most loyal person because she'll do anything to make someone stay by her side. She believes cooking to be the only reason why someone might even want to stay by her. She has extremely low self-esteem from an emotionally neglectful family. On the plus side, her Godmother is a manly woman who runs a bar and wears teeny-tiny polka-dotted dresses and cakes on makeup. She's also socks a Marine in the nose. I like her.

Another story that should come up soon if I deem myself satisfied is a story with a tentative title of 'The Roommate', at least until I get way more creative with it because well, it's not creative. Story follows Naminé, and she is paired with Riku. After graduating university with a Fine Arts degree and no job prospects, she decides to head to the big city. Kairi hooks her up with an apartment owned by her ex - and thus starts the tentative roommate relationship of Adonis-Riku and social anxiety-ridden Naminé. Story also features a perverted Vanitas, a narcoleptic Cloud, and deals with a whole host of issues that it may not seem to deal with at first glance - like mental illness for one - and how to move on from your past. And friendship. Lots of friendship. It just gets surprisingly dark at times despite it's sexual-innuendo ridden nature and basic snorts and giggles appearance.

I'll share a part with you to prove I've been working!

“Do you drink?”

Riku looked at her, clearly thinking she was the mocktail or apple juice sort of girl, a complete goody goody who sat indoors all day and didn’t visit any parts of the city’s dark underbelly. Or go outside after dark to avoid running the risk of getting mugged by people who may or may not have been from Leon’s old gang.

Most of it was true. But she did drink. And go out after dark because then she couldn’t nurse her drink, her only friend during the lonely days. So, actually none of that was true.

“I drink…” Naminé kept it at that to avoid sounding like an alcoholic. Sure she did like a good drink every now and then, and with her depressing life, she doubted anyone would blame her.

“Alright then, we’ll get drinks today, on me,” Riku offered kindly.

She felt kind of exhausted now that she realized so much happened in one day – running around passing out resumes with no luck in the crappy weather, meeting Ventus, dealing with Vanitas’ blatant propositions, and finally making up with Riku.

She closed her eyes a little and then couldn’t help but say, since her brain wasn’t functioning right at all and she understood him wrong, “I… don’t do body shots…”

Then she shut her mouth, looking horrified at her slip of tongue. He offered to pay not on me as in a body shot! She wanted to die. Riku smiled and said, “That sucks.” His smile turned sly when he saw her looking at the floor. “I would have gladly agreed if you wanted to.”

This is from my favourite part. I've written about... nine five-thousand word chapters currently so it's getting there. Hope you guys like it when it finally gets posted. Just want to prove I'm not a lazy bum and it's all there. Look at it. I'm not procrastinating. Well, I am, just not all that much.

As for rating, it might be an M just because of the nature of the jokes during well, most of it. Happy writing!

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

II. -: Introduction :-

A Quick Note: If there is an anonymous review posted on your story that claims to be sent by me, it is not. I always log in to give reviews, so this person is simply an impostor.

Hello people, before you look at my profile and think I'm a pretentious ass (I might be, just a little), I mostly want to help you. I've actually grown a lot softer as a critic in recent times. I am still just as honest, and if there is nothing to praise and I'm actually inclined to review, then my review will only say how to improve, but my language is generally a lot more gentle. I, in no way, believe I am perfect, as a person, nor as a writer. If I did, I would just be ignorant. I have writing that can definitely be improved upon, like everyone, so I welcome constructive criticism to my own works. What you see above is the extent of the personal information you will get from me unless I actually get to know you as a person through PM.

I decided after many years to start writing fanfiction again. I have a lot of fandoms that I enjoy including Kingdom Hearts, FFVII, and Gundam Seed. You will not know the other account I used to own (because it had some crap fanfiction on it) and I can safely say I have improved much over my... three years or so break from writing fan fiction and moving on to writing original fiction (which I still do). Writing is one of my raisons d'être; I take it seriously. I do still like to have fun with it though, and consider each story a sort of experiment so I can try new styles.

I do support pretty much any plot that people wish to write as long as its well executed, but I do have my pet peeves which will be listed below. On my other account I considered myself quite an avid reviewer and will still continue to review fanfiction which I happen to be reading. That being said, 'reviews' to me are not all rainbows and ponies, but a way for me to critique people on their writing. I leave extremely lengthy constructive criticism (this is true most of the time. If something is truly terrible I will say it was terrible) which is thorough and easy to understand. I give examples in the form of quotes from the story in question and explain the error in detail for each chapter. I think that a review cannot be all praise, because that's pretty useless for a writer who wants some kind of growth and improvement on the way they write - it's not all encompassing if it's all praise. Furthermore, it's not at all an insult to be critiqued. I offer critique to even some of the best writers I've seen, just for a hope that they'll continue to get better and continue working hard at their craft.

Likewise, I also completely appreciate reviews telling me where I can improve, and which parts irritated people (because that way when I fix the issue and look at the literary work a few months later, I'll have known I improved.) I try my best to take it all into account to improve my writing. In some cases, like Tempus' Paladin, I took the critique even further, going back to do a massive overhaul of the writing of it from the beginning to delete a lot of lengthy descriptions and fix the formatting a bit. I tried to carry on with the same sort of thing in newer chapters.

Also as a note, I will never leave an unsigned review; if you have an issue with my review PM me about it and we can work it out (or you may go onto the Critics United forum in the Complain/Give Thanks Here thread). If your message is incoherent and pretty much just focusing on cussing me out in horribly butchered English, then I can't guarantee how nice I'll be to you. I do praise myself on my patience however, but please don't test me. If I see a conversation going absolutely nowhere because you're determined to see me as Satan's spawn, I might just decide to not answer you so you know how it feels to talk to a wall.

I also welcome you to look at my fanfiction and drop a review if you want, or to PM me for a chat - I am always open to that. I always answer back, though it might be a bit delayed because of university. I believe I can have a nice conversation with anyone who approaches me with a pleasant conversation in mind, though I can be just as cutting and sarcastic to those who are clearly just looking for a fight.

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

III. -: The List of No-No's in Fanfiction :-

Lack of Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation - I think this is a pretty obvious one yet I still see a lot of fanfiction that is almost painful to read because of the complete disregard for this. Come on people, if you're making a piece to publish, the least you could do it check over your work once or twice before posting it. It may seem like a little more work, but it improves the quality of work big time. Fanfiction.net also gives writers the option of a beta; take advantage of it. I often find myself clicking the back button on stories that have this pet peeve; it hurts my eyes and my brain. I am lenient on people who say that they're learning English (I honestly applaud effort). P.S A dictionary and spell check are both a writer's best friend, so use them. If it seems like you write like you have only an elementary level of education, please improve - you're hurting more readers than you are making happy.

Using IM Chat Format in Fanfiction - No, just no. Children might think it's funny, and you might think it's funny, but I think it's completely unnecessary. I oftentimes find myself clicking the back button on these after leaving a review. Take your texting habits elsewhere so we cannot see it, love. If I see '2' instead of 'to' and 'u' instead of 'you' one more time I will tell you your story is a menace to mankind and does not need to be seen by the rest of us until regular English is used.

Using Random Japanese Words - I cringe when you're in the middle of a story and then you just see 'OMG, so kawaii-desu ne!' or 'insert name here-chan, Ohayo!'. Please for God's sake, no. Same goes for reviews that happen to say things like this. I am a firm believer that if you're fluent in one language, stick with that language; please don't go fluttering in between. It makes the writing immature, and causes a perfectly innocent and beautiful language to be butchered by idiots.

Holding your Fanfiction Hostage for Reviews - Honestly this just cries out desperate and it's slightly annoying. Sometimes readers will read your work without reviewing and that's fine. Sometimes they may not review your piece until they've finished all the chapters you currently have out, and that's also fine. Holding your literature hostage until you get more reviews turns off more people than it does drag people in. It makes people think the author is immature and whiny, and therefore the fanfiction must not be the greatest. That being said, I greatly enjoy reviews (especially ones telling me where I can improve, or what they liked about my writing), and hope you do review my stories, but I will never hold my stories up for ransom.

Paragraphs of Description on Appearance/Clothing - I hate to see this in a popular fandom I read from: "Insert name here was wearing a fluttery top with pink flowers on it and a denim mini skirt that was designer and costed $1 000 000 along with black boots (A/N: Just think of that outfit from blank anime but pinker). Her hair was a sunny blonde and her eyes were so blue they were more beautiful than the sky-"

In extremely nice terms, I don't give a crap. This also goes for when in a romance fiction, the girl goes on for hours about how sexy and good looking a guy is and what a nice car he was driving. It breaks the flow, makes the writing seem juvenile and makes me want to click the back button. The A/N in the middle of a chapter is also a big no-no which I will be getting to but in this case, please never refer to a characters outfit as being like a particular character from some anime but has some difference. If your characters are developed well enough, and appearance doesn't go beyond about a sentence (not a run-on sentence mind you) we can usually build the rest ourselves and visualize this character.

That being said there is an exception. When stories are futuristic or fantasy like and something is more abnormal than what we would be used to seeing, I think that warrants a little description, but ensure it's not overdone like my little example above and make sure it's well written (unlike above). When there is something happening in your story that warrants a little description (like a cocktail party or something), then go ahead, but please: an extensive use of flowery and fail poetic wording on clothing really doesn't make it seem any better.

Random A/N's - One before the chapter starts is okay. One after the chapter ends is okay. One in the middle of a chapter? I think not. It completely breaks the flow and when you have an Author's Note like what I wrote in my example above, it makes one seem unoriginal and the piece of literature seem lazily written. When it's an A/N randomly explaining what has been written in the middle, that's also bad. If it's written well enough, people won't need an explanation. Please include everything you need in the actual story and not random A/N's within it.

Caps Lock - Not sure if this is just a personal thing I find irritating, but I'll mention it anyway. Caps lock does not need to be used, even when a character is shouting. I think an exclamation point works just fine thanks. As well as this, I find myself thinking that it ruins the appearance of the story. Just doesn't make it look as nice and professional. Bold abuse goes along with this. It hurts my eyes, my brain, and makes me feel as if I've lost a few brain cells.

Redundancy In Using Adverbs - Another personal itch I get while reading fanfiction, though I don't think it's that major. When you've written something like:

"I hate you!" Character A shouted angrily

I usually don't like this only because it seems redundant. If it's mentioned that the character is shouting, doesn't that usually imply he's angry along with what he's actually saying in the dialogue? No need to add an adverb after that. This also goes for any similar cases.

Huge Walls of Text - I like it when paragraphs and dialogue are properly spaced. Format does a whole lot in actually making me want to read the fanfiction. There is a wonderful creation known as a paragraph; use it.

Insulting Your Own Piece of Literature - Saying something like 'My summary sucks but plz R&R!' is not going to make me want to review your fanfic, read it, or even click on it. If you think it's terrible, please don't post it. Show a little faith in the fanfiction you worked hard on; it must have been at least decent if you're willing to post it up and let people read it. (Those who post fanfiction up and complain about constructive criticism are a different problem altogether.)

Canon Characters Not In Character - I understand a little bit of out of character essence if the environment they grew up calls for it, like in an AU fiction, but they cannot turn into a different person altogether.

The Miniature List of Prime Examples of Canon Characters Not In Character:

If I see one more instance where Cloud Strife is made so feminine (I have nothing against Yaoi, I will read anything well written, but I hate this one fanon character traits that is so very attracted to him) that he is all but a female with a male's anatomy, I'll sigh from discontent.

If I see one more story in which Marluxia decides to get rid of his femininity, and his flowers, and become the most badass gangster around, I'll look at your story calmly, but the frown will be forming.

If I see one more example where Naruto Uzumaki is turned into a cutter, I'll look at your story blankly.

If I see another story in which Sephiroth is turned into something akin to a sexual predator, you'll know I raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

If I see one more story in which Yuffie Kisaragi is incredibly emotional and gives up on mankind, I'll show my displeasure.

If I see one more story in which Sesshomaru loves all humans and decides that, just because Kagome is a priestess with sacred powers, he wants to have 'puppies' with her, I'll frown.

If I see one more story in which Dante and Vergil wish to rekindle their brotherly bond, I'll feel the stomach contents travel upwards.

If I see one more story in which Sasuke Uchiha is a rich player whose favourite past time is to sleep with girls, I'll grit my teeth in annoyance.

If I see one more story in which Yuu Kanda is turned into a big, huggable softy who wakes up and realizes he loves Allen, I'll choke on my coffee.

If I see one more story in which Riku finds something is missing in his life and becomes a hopeless vagrant searching for love, I'll cry from despair.

If I see one more story in which Zelda is turned into an overly vain, shallow fool who spends $1 000 000 a day on makeup, I'll add pressure to the keys on my keyboard.

If I see one more story in which Dante is filthy rich, burns his money in his free time, and decides he abhors pizza and strawberry shakes, I'll shout profanities no living person should hear.

If I see one more story in which Syuusuke Fuji cries for his lost love over Tezuka and turns into a prostitute, my review will become the slightest tad harsher.

If I see one more story in which Izaya Orihara concludes that the only reason he ever annoyed Shizuo was because he loved him all along, I'll throw a tantrum.

If I see one more story in which Ciel Phantomhive releases pheromones that manage to attract every male and female within a 10-mile radius, you'll have the pleasure of seeing my displeasure.

If I see anything remotely like this at all, you'll have an angry critic on your hands...

There must have been a reason you liked that character so much you're bothering to write about them, the least you could do is respect that character and write them the way they're supposed to be. Character bashing also falls into this category, believe it or not. Even if you may not like a character, bashing them is out of the question. If you really don't like them, don't write about them, though I think every character serves a purpose in the story. There's no reason to make a canon character what they clearly aren't. It shows immature, whiny, ridiculous writing I surely will not bother to read (though if I happen to, I will leave a nice review commenting on the character bashing).

Quick Romances - This is coming from a critic who has to sift through pages and pages of romance stories to find one decent one. Please write romance properly. The majority of what I see on this site can be summarized like this:

"Character A meets Character B and think he is super hot, but she is super duper plain. Unknowingly, she finds that Character B has had an eye on her too, despite her having no redeemable qualities, as she's nothing more than a damsel in distress. One day, on the walk home from school, she nearly gets hit by a car and Character B saves her! Then, after one steamy kiss in the rain, they are now together. The other females in the school don't agree with it though, because apparently Character B is akin to a god here and they can find no other worthy male to set their sights on. It might as well be an all female environment."

I am, in no way, exaggerating. Every character has to be able to be related to in some way by the audience. The main female can't be so plain that we all find her boring as hell to read about, so much so that she only becomes somewhat interesting when she's with the male lead. And, the male lead can't only have the quality 'he's Adonis'. There are other traits such as being kind, funny, or overly high strung. I pride myself in writing romance, and seeing stories that go like the story above literally make me nauseous. People do not fall in love that way, nor will they ever. Would you throw yourself at an absolute stranger unless you were piss drunk? I didn't think so, so don't make the character do it either. You have to find an opportunity wherein they can have actual conversations and build their relationship. I believe romance happens slowly, over many, many chapters. Oh, and don't make the females in the school evil incarnate. I am sure there are other good looking people in the school too. Did your school have only one good looking individual? Didn't think so. It makes your writing seem moronic.

Rule Breakers - Sorry, I'm showing no leniency on you guys. When you post up a piece of writing, you agree to the guidelines and abide by them. Usually when I see a rule-breaking fic, I will give suggestions on how to change it, or give the option of deleting before I report it. No one gets special treatment, I'm afraid. If the majority abide by the rules, a small minority can't simply get away with it because they're 'special'.

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

IV. - : The List of Fail Excuses and Threats From Rule Violators : -

But there are like, so many other fanfictions like this on the site!

I would like to ask what significance this has on me telling you that your story is against the rules. It doesn't matter how many of them there are, the fact of the matter remains that they are all rule violations. Shocking, I know. Read the guidelines next time and don't give me idiotic dribble like this and call it maturity.

What right do you have to like, report me?

The same right as every author on this site. See that lovely little report abuse button on the bottom left side of your screen? It's so I can report you. I'm not afraid to do it, and the admins do look at every abuse report, so if you happen to be breaking a rule, it will be removed. Repeated violations lead to an IP ban, dolt.

Fanfiction is supposed to inspire creativity, so don't like, ruin that for people on the site!

Be creative all you want while following the guidelines; it's not impossible. Creativity also has limits, mainly the obligations you have while writing and posting on the site. The administrators have been generous, so don't go throwing that in their faces and listen to me when I tell you it is against the rules.

No one's going to like you if you like, keep continuing this way! My friends will all like, revenge flame you!

Did I join the site to get people to like me? Not really, so this is just idiocy. Your little friends make me feel so threatened, really. Even if they decide to message me and tell me what a terrible bully I am, most of them cannot type, and thus, will be thoroughly reprimanded and run away with their tails between their legs. Even with your collaborative efforts, you won't be able to do much, unfortunately. Call me a hall monitor or whatever you like, but at least I don't lead a gaggle whose intelligence added up is equal to a brain-dead caterpillar.

I'll report you if you like, report me! Stop being so like, vile!

Oh really? Go ahead then, love. I would enjoy seeing what your report would do, since you haven't been the first to try it. Seems to me like you don't understand how the report abuse button works. You can't report me for being 'vile'; it only works on rule violating stories which you so clearly have, and I don't. I'm intelligent and literate enough to read the guidelines before I post, so no, your reporting won't do anything to me, unfortunately. I'll continue being 'vile', thank you.

If you keep messaging me and telling me my stories are against the rules I'll like, block you!

Unfortunately for you, blocking doesn't stop me from reporting. Better luck next time.

Stop hating and like, being such a flamer!

There is a difference between being a flamer and being a concritter. I am the latter, and I am a very gentle concritter if you ask. Not to mention, I never mentioned anything bad about your story because I don't care to say anything to rule violating stories. Look up the definition of 'flamer' before you decide to call me one because frankly, your type calls everyone who doesn't fangasm at your work a 'flamer'.

If you don't like it, don't like, read it!

I'm not clairvoyant so I don't know if I'll like it unless I read it. Another fact is, I'm not going to let you sit on your pedestal if you happen to be breaking the rules; you can go complain about how unjust the rules are to the admins, not me, because I just uphold them. I'm not an ingrate like you are.

You have no like, life!

Thank you for being concerned, but I think you have even less of one for arguing with me and using this comment. What was your point, exactly? When you spontaneously grow a brain, call me.

I have like, so many fans, and you're just like, jealous of me and my awesome sauce writing! Stop like, bothering me, you hater!

Love, come back in a while when you can actually write. Those reviews you get from people who are just as illiterate as you don't prove you can write when you hardly know elementary level grammar; pay attention in your English class and hopefully you'll become decent. I'm not jealous because I know I can write, fool. You can get just as many fans by writing a rule abiding story, no matter how poor your writing is. Don't use this excuse on me.

I can do anything I want! Don't call me a child because I'm like, the same age as you!

When you start showing me some maturity and listen to my rule violation warning, I will treat you like an adult. Older, younger, same age as me, I don't care very much because if I call you a child, I'm insulting your mental maturity; age has nothing to do with it. Gain some intelligence then you can come back to argue with me, no matter how futile your attempt is. Abide by the guidelines: this site wasn't made so you could strut around like you own the place and throw a tantrum.

Finis

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O

V. -: The Last Note :-

I am not out to get you, insult you or flame you. Believe me that is the last thing I want to do. When I leave a review, I will praise aspects of it and state what needs improvement so that it can be even better next time. If I seem blunt, I apologize but that's just what kind of person I happen to be. Please don't take personal offence to any constructive criticism I offer and know that if I happen to review your fiction a little harshly, it's because I know you can do better.

O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -O