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I’m a single 38/M/NorCal (and yes, "M" means Male. I am a male Twilight fan, as well as FF author) currently working as a truck driver. I’ve been into fan fiction for a few years now, first with Star Wars, and then with Forgotten Realms. I caught the Twilight bug in January 2009, and I discovered Twilight Fan Fiction a few months later. I’ve looked at a few other genres (Inheritance Cycle, Underworld, etc.), but my main interest is still Twilight. As such, I’m going to devote my profile to defining what I like and don’t like about Twilight Fan Fiction.

My profile picture is dark, twisted, and rather insensitive; just like my sense of humor.

I started here on FanFiction.net strictly as a spectator, but then an author I'm Betaing for challenged me to enter a one-shot in a contest. That one-shot subsequently fulfilled my final requirement for Beta status. I know writing well enough to know what I like and to tell the good from the mediocre. I also know my own limits well enough to acknowledge that, as something of a perfectionist, I cannot yet write a story at the level I prefer to read. I have a BA in Social Science, and I always got Straight A’s in English. I am a speed reader, and I have a very high visual retention rate with an eye for detail. I’m also rather OCD when editing and proofreading, as well as being something of a pain-in-the-butt, according to my slaves (excuse me. writers).

1). All-Human Fan Fiction. I hate it. Period. I’m not saying it should be banned, and I’m not going to tell you to to stifle your creativity and not write what you want to write. I’m just saying that, as far as I’m concerned, an All-Human Twilight story is an oxymoron. The key to the Twilight story is the human-vampire interaction. Once you take that away, it just becomes a silly juvenile soap opera. I feel very strongly that the filter option for Film / Book should be changed to Canon / All-Human, so that I can automatically bypass all of the stories that I don’t want to read. That being said, all you authors who like to write all-human stories, keep up the good work if you like, but I won’t be around to check on you.

This applies doubly to any Fan Fiction about the cast members of the Twilight movie. THEY ARE ACTORS, PEOPLE!! They do their job, they collect a paycheck, and then they go the F home. They have about as much to do with the Twilight story as the waiter at your favorite restaurant has to do with what's on the menu; they don't make it, they just serve it. They are not the characters they portray. Who gives a rat's @ss if Robert and Kristen are secretly dating? If you obsess over this crap, you are a silly, gossiping loser with waaaaaay too much time on your hands. That's right; I said it. And I'm not taking it back. :-P

2). Research. There is a plethora of information available on Twilight. The Twilight Lexicon, the Twilight Wikia, just to name a few, are great sources of information for you to make your stories as IC as possible. If you’re planning on going off the rails with your universe, include a little note in the intro Author's Note to let us know how you’re changing things up. I go into a story expecting it to adhere to the Twilight canon, atleast insofar as character background, behaviour, and vampire/werewolf ontology. As soon as the story diverges without notice, I lose interest. This includes things like Bella taking an abnormal period of time to change into a vampire, having uniquely colored eyes for a vampire, having some off-the-wall power that completely unbalances the story, Marcus having a personality something other than Ultra-Emo-Man, any mated vampire showing a cavalier attitude towards his or her mate, and characters behaving blatantly out of character (which I will cover later) for no apparent reason.

3). Plotline & Pacing. A good story makes you wait for it. My biggest fan fiction letdowns are the stories that give you no build-up and drop a climactic moment in your lap. The worst are the stories in Mid- New Moon AU’s that completely jump the shark and have Bella run into all seven Cullens in a karaoke bar or a shoe shop (or something similarly ridiculous) halfway through the first chapter. Bottom line: a good story needs a hook at the very beginning, just to get the reader interested. You then follow with a slow build-up to a pivotal point (Edward & Bella reuniting, Bella getting turned, the Volturi showing up, whatever). This needs to be at least six chapters in. Why? Use the pacing to build the suspense. The story needs to go somewhere. It doesn’t have to get there fast, but it does need to keep moving.

I’m also a little leery of stories that have Edward and Bella declaring their love for each other in a week or so. It took a month and a half of stubbornness and infatuation in Twilight before things finally came to a head. Normal people who fall in love that quickly are usually just in lust. I have read some theories regarding vampire mating happening very quickly, and I’m willing to accept that in a story, but for God’s sake, give us some warning if you’re going that route.

4). Lemons, Limes & Fluff. Ahh, I love the smell of lemonade in the morning. And afternoon. And at night. Pretty much whenever. But it has to serve a point in the story. Chapter after chapter after chapter of lemons and fluff drag a story down and kill it. Lemons and fluff are the equivalent of the deleted scenes on a DVD. What does the director always say? “I really liked this scene, but, in the end, I really felt that it was impeding the pace of the story, so it had to go.” Humor and sex makes stories fun to read. I love reading stories watching the Cullens lose bets and pull pranks on each other. But it has to take the story somewhere. If not, it’s just wasted space.

Now, this doesn't mean I disaprove of all lemons. It's just that writing a lemon well is an artform that not everyone can pull off. If you can, fine. If not, don't do it. A well-written lemon can truly make a story, but even an okay lemon can drag it down. And try not to be repetitive about it; change the lemons up and make them interesting and in-character and show character development. I have some recommendations, but I'm not going to post them here; you can ask me for them, if you like.

5). IC & OOC. I mentioned this in Point #2, but I felt it deserved a section of its own. I love the Twilight characters the way Stephenie Meyer has written them. That being said, I don’t mind when authors go a little AU and write the characters differently. The most obvious example for me is people who are extreme Team Edward fans and paint Jake as an abuser or some other form of villain. I have a few of those stories on my Favorites list, but I could tell going in that it was an AU, and that things would be different.

I do, however, feel that certain canon characters get the shaft in fan fiction circles. The most obvious victim is Tanya. In canon, Tanya is obviously attracted to Edward, but always goes about it in a respectful and friendly manner. In almost all fan fiction, Tanya is portrayed as a conniving, bitchy, backstabbing psycho whose entire goal in life is to steal Edward away from Bella by any means, up to and including murder. I have to wonder how much of this characterization is indicative of the maturity level and insecurity of the authors in question. The only stories I have ever found that give Tanya a respectful treatment worthy of her canon character are The Cold War by Gleena, and Harvest Moon by content1. Both stories are post-BD AU's and they are both absolutely incredible. The Cold War is complete, but Gleena is currently writing the sequel: Acts Of Aggression, and Harvest Moon is somewhere between one-third and halfway through, and updates about once a week.

Writing style plays a huge role in Fan Fiction. It’s much more difficult to write Fan Fiction from a novel than any other genre because the writing style is already established, and true fans expect things to be held to a certain standard, as far as dialogue is concerned. Remember, vampires are superhuman geniuses with unlimited time on their hands. They converse at a level far above the average high-schooler, so try to make their conversations substantive instead of inane and vapid. The biggest example I have found of this is authors who write Aro's dialogue to include words like "great" or "OK', and other such basic utterances, as if he were some multi-millenial pot-head. Aro has been alive for over 3,000 years, knows multiple languages, cultivates an air of culture and sophistication, and has a flair for the dramatic. He isn't the type to use one or two syllables when more are available. Words like 'excellent', 'wonderful', 'splendid' or 'superb' feel much more 'Aro', than simplistic words like 'great' or (God-forbid) 'cool'. Want to write Aro dialogue? Use BIG words. And a lot of them.

6). Mary Sues, Munchkins, Dysfunction & Overpopulation. Imagining yourself in the Twilight world is a lot of fun. I think anyone who has read the books has entertained a daydream of what it would be like to live as a vampire in the world of Twilight. And naturally, we wouldn’t want to be some wimpy vampire with no ability; we would want to be a powerful vampire with abilities that make the entire Volturi Guard run for cover. The problem is that such a scenario doesn’t translate well into actual writing. For a plot to be truly interesting, the characters must be felt to be in actual danger, and the presence of an uber-character completely unbalances that scenario.

Some will argue that Bella at the end of Breaking Dawn was such a character. I disagree. Bella’s discovery of the true potency of her ability actually restored balance. The Volturi were thrown back on their heels because they were facing an equal opponent, not a superior. That’s the key to a good suspenseful story. The protagonists need to be endangered, and they must counter that danger with ingenuity or a path of self-discovery that brings them the power to stand-up to the antagonist.

I also take issue with those who describe Bella and Edward’s relationship as dysfunctional. Granted, by human standards, it’s easy to make that argument (codependence, overprotectiveness, lack of communication, etc.). What people forget is that this is not a human relationship. It’s a relationship between a supernatural creature and a human girl who is destined to become one. Unlike humans, who can fall in love multiple times in one lifetime, vampires only get one for all eternity, and losing one’s mate is the greatest pain they can experience, so naturally they are very protective. The perception of codependence would be more appropriately called symbiotic, in that the two halves of a mated vampire couple are so closely linked that they become one linked being instead of two individuals, and that the individuals in this symbiotic relationship simply do not function well apart from each other. As for the lack of communication, well, nobody’s perfect.

Another problem is overloading a story with characters. Seven vampires in one town is an abnormaly large number (unless you live in Volterra), yet so many stories bring in gangs full of new vampires, in addition to the seven Cullens. Isn’t this town crowded enough? Aren’t there enough story opportunities without bringing in enough supernatural characters to populate ComicCon? This is another facet of storytelling. Bring in too many characters, and the reader can lose track of them all very quickly. Give us too many characters to care about, and pretty soon we won’t care about any of them.

7). Canon Relationships. I like a Twilight Universe where everyone is with the person they are supposed to be. That means Edward is with Bella, Carlisle is with Esme, Jasper is with Alice, Emmett is with Rosalie, and Jacob ends up with Renesmee. If I had to pick a Team, I would be Team Edward. Not because I think Robert Pattinson is hawt (insert eye-roll and sneer here) but because that is the way the universe is supposed to be. I lump BellaxJacob, BellaxEmmett, BellaxJasper, BellaxCarlisle, and pretty much BellaxAnyone-Except-Edward into the same category as All-Human fan fics (specifically, immediate loss of all interest. See #1). If your story edits out Renesmee, then be nice to Jacob and either don’t include him in the story, or give him an AU imprint. Everyone deserves a happy ending, IMO.

This includes everyone. Wolves should be with their canon imprints, and vampires should stick with their canon mates. There are a few fan fics on my list that hint at Aro having romantic interests in Bella for whatever reason. The problem is that Aro already has a mate, and all indications are that vampire mating is permanent and unbreakable. Authors who treat vampire mating casually are diverging from one of the most central tenets of the canon, and should tread carefully.

My opinion on slash and femslash can be summed up in one word. Yuck! If characters are written as straight, leave them that way. How would you like it if someone took one of your original characters and altered their sexuality? Characters are written the way they are for a reason. And if you're going to include a butt-lemon, please let us know in advance. I stumbled across one of these once where the author hadn't even given a hint that it was coming and I damned near puked.

8). Grammar, Punctuation & Spell Checking. There are no words strong enough to express how irritating improper use of grammar and punctuation is to me. Failure to capitalize words at the beginning of sentences; words spelled improperly in context; words and phrases spelled phonetically instead of accurately; horrific paragraph structure; improper structuring of conversations; the list goes on and on. Grammatical felonies that would reduce a stadium full of English teachers to tears are committed on a daily basis on Fanfiction.net. Want to help stop it? Find yourself a good Beta (two if possible, because even one good Beta doesn’t catch everything). Bounce the stories off of your friends, and ask them to look for errors. If you don’t know the spelling, that’s what dictionaries are for. Don’t assume you know the correct spelling or use of any phrase or quote unless you've researched it. Attention to detail is a pain in the ass, but it is more than worth it in the end. I understand the occasional error; they can be found even in published novels, but stories that are rife with error should never have been published in the first place.

It's been pointed out to me that I fall victim to this, as well. The first chapter of my story for the Mentalward Contest had been posted for two months before someone pointed out to me that I had mixed up drank and drunk in past and present tense. Every time I read through the chapter, I seem to find something new to correct and, as a result, I have reposted said chapter multiple times as I improve and refine the story.

9). Technology. More specifically, cars. Just because a car is cool doesn't mean the average highschooler would be driving it to school. In a town with a population under 4,000, five teenagers driving a new Volvo to school still manages to stand out. Don't have your characters drive up to Forks High School in a Bugati, Ferrari or Lamborghini on the first day and then moan about how they hate attention. Why? In that car, they're asking for it! Don't give your character a specific car just because you like that car itself. The car has to fit the scenario. If the character is trying to blend in and appear inconspicuous, pick a car that is inconspicuous. Do not pick the vehicular equivalent of a four-wheeled neon sign that reads "NOTICE ME!!"

Also, try to keep track of when technology was available for sale. No sense giving Edward an iPhone in 2005 when it wasn't even announced until 2007 (or available for sale until 2008)

10). Movie Adaptations. I'm writing this just a few hours after watching New Moon for the first time. When I compare the two movies, New Moon was a superior adaptation in every way, managing to combine action and suspense without sacrificing too much in the way of plot or canon continuity. I've always felt that, for whatever reason, the first movie dumbed-down the dialogue and passed on several opportunities for witty exchanges and intricate word-play; most likely because Hollywood judges us all by the lowest common denominator and assumes that we can't watch a movie and chew gum at the same time without getting distracted.

That being said, New Moon is a great addition to the Twilight saga in almost every respect. It covers all the essential plot points, and manages to include canon action that happened off-screen in the novel. My only complaint is the Volturi fight scene. If you've seen the New Moon trailer, you've seen most of the highlights. Suffice it to say, Edward defends Bella from Felix, and ultimately gets his butt kicked. This despite the fact that Edward and Alice are supposed to be two of the most capable hand-to-hand opponents in the vampire world, primarily because their mental abilities give them an edge over their opponents (Alice can see all the moves coming before they happen, and Edward can read his opponent's thoughts and knows what moves they're making before they even make them). We see this in various scenes in the Eclipse novel; I'm not just making it up.

I put some thought into it, and I came up with a way they could've done this fight scene without breaking canon. In summary, Alice's visions show her the futility of resisting, so she doesn't fight, and begs Edward to do the same. Edward, however, cannot just stand by and not defend Bella. He does very well in his fight against Felix, until Alec steps in and immobilizes him with his ability. Continue movie plot as scripted from there. I don't want to toot my own horn, but in my opinion, this scenario is a good compromise between the canon and the movie director's desire for more action. You still get the same fight, with the canon result because of the potency of Edward's gift, plus you get to see Alec's power; something that never showed up in the novels (apart from its aborted attempt at the end of Breaking Dawn).

Am I missing something, or was I actually able to come up with a script compromise that eluded a collection of people who are obviously more experienced and better paid than me? If so, I want a raise.

11). The Literate Union & MA Fiction. It’s come to my attention recently that there is a forum called The Literate Union, whose ultimate goal appears to be cleansing FFN of all material that doesn’t adhere strictly to the guidelines, specifically grammar, but also including any violations of the Community Etiquette guidelines. So, out of curiosity, I went and refreshed myself on the forum and the guidelines. I’m not too worried. While the premise seems threatening enough, most of the Literate Union's forum entries seem to be focused on introducing themselves to each other, flaming, infighting, rampant egotism and self-justification. In general, it appears that the Literate Union is not particularly united, nor entirely literate. As for the guidelines, just relax, people. Stories in the Twilight section alone are rife with violations, never mind the rest of the site. If the administrators went through and checked all of the stories one-by-one for guideline violations, I’d be collecting Social Security by the time they were finished.

Now, as one may accurately surmise from my existing statements, I personally have extremely high standards vis-à-vis the fan fiction that I read. That being said, I am dismayed that FFN no longer supports MA stories, as there are several very high-quality stories (which shall remain unnamed to protect them from the purity police) that make very skilled use of lemons and other graphic material, resulting in enthralling, high-quality stories. If FFN is a truly open forum for aspiring writers, then it should embrace all forms of literature, including those who wish to take their stories into Adults Only territory. While Lord Kelvin, Kittysaurus, and Ever Heard Of A Dictionary (et al) have good intentions and lofty goals, the same could be said of Nazi Germany and the paving material used to construct the road to Hell. Exactly how bored are these people that they have become FFN's volunteer tattle-tales? I come here to read for my own entertainment, and if I don't like a story, I don't read it. It really is that simple. I reserve special contempt for bureaucrats-in-training who find enjoyment in forcing others to adhere to rules that are usually enforced about as stringently as the speed limit on the local interstate highway (i.e. 80mph in a 70mph zone is fine; just don't pass the cop cars). Really, boys and girls, I have one mommy already, and if I had to pick a second one, it wouldn't be from the ranks of the LU.

The "speshul ickle snowflakes" over at LU remind me of the security guard at the local mall; the one with the personality of a barbed-wire suppository and a massive inferiority complex because he wasn't quite good enough to make it into the police academy. Frustrated and impotent (in more ways than one), he takes out all of his frustration on the local kids by telling them to move along and stop loitering and, above all, stop having fun. There was a time right after 9/11 when there was a forum on MySpace called F-- The Troops. Multiple petitions were circulated in attempt to ban the group, and it created something of an uproar. I did a little research and found that the administrator of the group was just some 17 y/o kid doing it for the attention. Why do I bring this up? Because some people are @ssholes, and you're doing well if you can get through life avoiding most of them. Sadly, no one ever makes it through entirely unscathed. The little brats on the Literate Union forum are our own particular brand of @ssholes.

Apparently, if you actually try to nail the LU down on what the dividing line is between proper and improper, they can't give you specifics, other than telling you to go read the Guidelines. However, if you check the Guidelines, all you'll find is a rating system described in broad, vague terms, complete with a link that turns out to be nothing more than a copy of what was already posted under the Guidelines. As an example, the following link is a conversation between a concerned writer and one of the co-founders of the LU ( http: // theantifanfictionbully(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ ). The LU talks a good line about offering constructive criticism, but on this particular subject, all they can offer is a dumb look and a "go ask someone else" canned response. Bottom line, if you intend to judge others, you should, at the very least, be knowledgeable with respect to the judging criteria. It is not enough to simply say something is in violation; you need to be able to document said violation in detail, as well as provide examples to others as to how things can be done correctly. Apparently, that level of knowledge is a bit too much to ask for, so the monkeys at LU limit themselves to finger pointing, shrieking and grunting unintelligibly, scratching themselves and flinging poo.

There is a petition being circulated to request that the Administrators of FFN instate an NC-17/MA category so that the fics we all know and love can stay where they are. It can be found on my Favorite Stories list under the title Petition. If you've read my profile this far, you have some understanding of how much I wish certain stories could be permanently removed from this site, and my strongly held opinion that the general quality of the site would be greatly improved by their absence. However, in the interests of free speech, I cannot condone such an act. Freedom of speech must include everything or nothing; there can be no middle ground. (Update: In an ironic twist, the Petition has itself been reported and removed, thanks to the LU)

Unfortunately, the petition will most likely have no effect. It seems that FFN actually made the change due to legal pressure from the representatives of various authors who didn't like the way their characters were being represented. In response, FFN apparently decided to make a blanket ruling and no longer allow MA/NC-17 material. Once the lawyers get involved, there isn't much we (the little people) can do about it, but at least the lawyers are making a lot of money to mess with our little community. The weasels over at LU seem bent on doing it pro bono. Reference: (http: // thetwilightawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/02/whole-story_13(dot)html )

Update: I really had to laugh when I read this. According to Wikipedia, FFn actually banned MA/NC-17 material in September of 2002 (i.e. 6 1/2 years before I started reading MA/NC-17 material on FFn). Obviously, this is a high priority issue for them and we should all be very worried.

Now, regardless of my snide remarks, I need to make one thing completely clear. There is nothing technically wrong with what the LU is doing. They have no control over the actual removal of stories from the site; all they do is find a story that is in violation of the guidelines and report it. It is the FFn administrators who then take action. And the Admins only remove stories if they are in violation of the Terms of Service which we all agreed to when we signed on.

What I take issue with are the methods being used; reports of bullying and mass flaming, especially of much younger authors, and generally using terror tactics to force stories off FFn. I've checked out their "hit list", as it were, and I would hesitate to use the term "story" for any of them. Stories, to me, include things like grammar, character development, a recognizable plot, and a premise that doesn't have you rolling your eyes by the end of the first paragraph. That's the problem with a completely open site; anything and everything can be found here, and for every story that is really good, there are dozens that really suck.

LU is not the only entity going around reporting stories, but they are certainly the most visible. Even if the Admins were to suddenly announce that the LU itself was in violation and the forum would be taken down, the problem won't go away. Why? Because there is still a Report button, and even if the LU were to disappear, there are plenty of busybodies running around on their own who are perfectly willing to press it (as opposed to adopting the more popular laisez-faire attitude of "If you don't like it, don't read it"). The LU has done nothing more than take this uptight, resentful mob and give it a semblance of organization and direction.

Ultimately, this problem is not going to go away. LU, et al, may target the most blatant culprits, but there are plenty of excellent stories out there that just happen to have a bit of lemon mixed in with their plot. IMO, writing a good story with skillful use of lemons and other MA content is the mark of a truly excellent writer. Well written lemons and limes allow you to experience the emotions and passion of a relationship for yourself. On the darker side, depiction of crimes such as murder, rape and child abuse can be the basis for gripping drama and character growth (but that still doesn't mean I want to read about it in graphic detail).

I am not a fan of porn fics or any of the other stories that seem to revolve almost exclusively around MA content, but many of you are. If the rules had been stringently enforced in the first place, this wouldn't be an issue. These stories would never even have been posted, as the Admins would've struck them down for violating the guidelines. All of the MA-content stories that we know and love are technically illegal, and illegal being the status quo doesn't make it right. All of these stories have been living on borrowed time. Many authors are avoiding the controversy all together and pulling stakes; moving their stories to other websites with more relaxed attitudes. If your story is in violation, that may be the only safe choice.

Update: And the underhanded tactics just keep on coming. Apparently, someone named "James" has been sending e-mails to authors whose stories are supposedly in violation of the ToS. Despite his suspicious e-mail address and his unprofessional style of communication, he presents himself as an "Admins" (sic) of FFn, advising authors in smarmy, sarcastic fashion that they need to edit their chapters, or else. After reading his attempts at communication and persuasion, all I can say is, if he really is a "legit admins", then my guidance councilor lied, and I didn't really need to go to college to get a well-paying job (high school either, apparently). I'm not going to dive into a rant at "James", since everything I would say has already been said above with respect to the LU. All I will say is that behavior like this only reinforces my opinion that the LU is nothing but a bunch of conniving, immature jerks. (Reference: http: // angstgoddess003 (dot) livejournal (dot) com / 26810 (dot) html )

P.S. If you would like to hear the Literate Union's side of the story, their blog can be read here ( http: // literateunion(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ ). It's a little scary, actually: their MO is basically a pre-planned mass attack on one story at a time. Hey, maybe I'll join; I always wanted to goosestep around in a brown shirt with a swastika armband, shouting "Sieg Heil!"

12). Comments on the FFN Guidelines. As I reread the Guidelines for the above entry, I came across a couple entries that I disagree with.

Entries Not Allowed #1: Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.

My issue here, specifically, is Challenges. I got my start writing on this site as the result of a challenge. I can’t say enough good things about the experience, and I never would’ve started writing my story if one of my writers hadn’t told me about the challenge in question and encouraged me to try it out. Contests and challenges are good things that encourage first time writers to test the waters, and this is something FFn should support.

Actions Not Allowed #3: Copying from a previously published work (including musical lyrics) not in the public domain.

There’s a simple way around this one: credit your sources. It’s just like writing a research paper for school. If you get your information from somewhere that is not in the public domain, make sure you include the reference information for where you got it, and try not to simply cut-and-paste the lyrics wholesale. As for references, Song Title, Artist, Album Title Record Label and Release Date should be sufficient.

13). Male Twilight Fans. At age 35, I’m long past the point where I feel I have to justify my likes and dislikes to my peers. My interest in Twilight is a case in point. However, one of my friends teased me recently about having such a “girly” pastime. I just rolled my eyes and sneered at him.

And then, I had an epiphany.

Above and beyond my personal enjoyment of the subject matter, my interest in Twilight allows me to socialize with dozens, if not hundreds, of intelligent, beautiful, romantically inclined women. So, the important question for the guys of the world is not “Why am I a Twilight fan?” but “Why aren’t you?”

14). Popularity vs. Quality. Recently, I've had regular conversations with one of my authors who is feeling a little bit down because, although she is writing a very quality story, she isn't getting the review numbers that one would expect. I repeatedly encourage her to ignore the reviews and concentrate on writing a great story. I can only believe that she is not the only author dealing with this issue. It really is a leap of faith to take something that you have poured your heart and soul into and put it out there for other people to critique. I would like to offer the following encouragement. From what I have seen, achieving popularity for your story on FFn consists of the following three facets.

Lemons: People. Love. Sex. Me included. It has been the truth from time immemorial that sex sells, and it applies to Fan Fiction as well. The problem is that a canon Twilight story is not a good place for lemons. SM very obviously kept the stories clean, especially with the fade-to-black wedding night on Isle Esme. Don't feel as though you have to describe Bella and Edward's bedroom activities in detail just to have a more popular story, because anyone can write a lemon, but very few people can write it well.

Cliff Hangers: This is a love/hate thing for me. If I truly get wrapped up in a story, especially a climactic moment like a big showdown or the sudden appearance of hostile vamps at a perilous moment, I want to know what's going on. I do NOT want to reach the bottom of the chapter and read "To Be Continued." It makes me wish it were possible to reach through the computer and slap the author for leaving us all out on a limb. On the other hand, this is also a sign of getting really wrapped up in a story. When you care enough to feel the burning need to know what happens after the "To Be Continued", it just one more indicator of a well-written story. In my opinion, this is the most honorable of the three facets I'm discussing here.

Self-Promotion: Also known as "Shameless Begging", "Whoring Yourself In The FFn Forums", and "Asking All Your Friends To Say Good Things About Your Story, Sight Unseen." This is the grass-roots marketing approach. Call it viral, call it word-of-mouth, whatever. You're getting the word out there by any means, necessary or otherwise. This does not, however, mean that you have a great story. Far too many shit-fics have massive reviews counts for no other reason than silly people who didn't know any better are being led around by the nose (and a plot based entirely on sex that makes the average porno look like Academy Award material by comparison). Always remember, just because people are talking about a fic, that doesn't mean it's automatically a good story.

I know we all want our stories to be popular, but I would rather write a good story for the appreciation of a select few than write some pile of literary dog-crap for the adoration of the many.

And yes, I'm sure I would sell out in a second if I were actually getting paid for what I write. But I'm not. And neither are you. Work on making your story as good as it possibly can be. To paraphrase a classic movie, "If you write it, they will come."

Update (10/15/10): WE ARE ALL HERE TO HAVE FUN AND ENJOY EACHOTHER'S STORIES!!! CONTESTS ARE FUN, BUT THEY ARE NOT THE POINT!!!!!! I have heard rumors of the underhanded backstabbing that comes over who wins a contest and who doesn't, but this is the first time I have had a direct encounter. Several months back, Harvest Moon won a Shimmer Award in the Post-BD category. I myself was nominated for a Shimmer Award in two categories, but won in neither. Was I disappointed? A little? Did I whine and complain about it? No.

Apparently, this mindset is not universal.

After the contest, word was passed on to content1 that another author had bashed Harvest Moon in a forum, by complaining that content1 had solicited votes from her fans. I did some research. In fact, the author in question posted on a forum and said what she had been accused of saying. Now, I have Betaed ALL of content1's chapters, and while she did inform her readers that she was involved in the contest, she did not solicit votes. That didn't stop said author from engaging in slanderous gossip, and apparently this isn't the first time.

Now it has happened again. Elise Shaw also drew the ire of person or persons unknown. Her stories were barraged by abusive and insulting reviews, and she ultimately pulled all of her stories from FFn in response. There is suspicion among certain betas as to who the culprit is. They are very courteously and professionally keeping their peace on the matter, but that hasn't stopped them from voicing their opinions in private. Notably, they voiced those opinions to persons who have no interest in courtesy or professionalism in a situation like this (specifically, Me).

Out of respect for the sources of these rumors, I am withholding the name of the author in question. However, that doesn't mean I have to keep them on my fave's list (the story wasn't all that great to begin with). On a related note, I have updated my deleted stories section (see below)

Now, let's get this straight. There is no way to hold a fair open contest on a fan fiction story. Any story that permits any kind of open voting is ultimately nothing more than a popularity contest. The winner will always be the person who can attract the most voters to their story, regardless of the quality of the story (or lack thereof). If there was money or some other tangible reward attached to winning these contests, I might be a little more understanding with regards to cutthroat attitudes. BUT THERE ISN'T!!! All there is in reward are minor bragging rights and, occasionally, a cute banner to put on your e-mail signature .

To those of you who choose to take losing contests personally, isn't it bad enough that you are a poor loser in real life? Did you really have to bring your whiny, bitchy immaturity in here with the rest of us? Maybe you have a great story. More likely, given the average quality of writing on FFn, you have a shitty story. You are here because you want to improve your writing style and express your creativity. Start doing it like a grown-up, or you will be put in time out until you can learn to play well with others.

Elise Shaw has essentially been driven off the fandom by a flock of jealous harpies. Please visit her profile below and write her in support. I hate bullies with a passion, and this a blatant example of cyber-bullying.

http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/1775901/EliseShaw

15). Selfish Authors. I know we all write for our own enjoyment, but some people take it way to far. I have several stories on my list of favorites that up and vanished for no apparent reason. Not only is the story gone, but in some cases, the authors themselves have vanished. Let me be absolutely clear; I DID NOT ADD YOUR STORY TO MY FAVORITES TO FILL SOME D@AMNED QUOTA!!! I added your story because I LIKED TO READ IT. I enjoyed reading it even if you hated it, were completely writer's blocked and wanted nothing more to do with it. And now it's gone, with no warning, and for no apparent reason. No matter what, keep your fans updated on what is going on and remember that just because you're done with your stories doesn't mean the rest of the fandom feels the same way.

Now, I may seem a little harsh. When I reread my original "manifesto", I felt like I had been channeling Simon Cowell while writing. Truth be told, I was on a bit of a rant-path at the time. To coin a phrase, these are more what you might call guidelines than actual rules. Quite a few of my Favorites don't adhere to the guidelines that I've laid out above. I like those stories because, in spite of whatever flaws they may or may not have, there is always something unique, special or interesting about them. Maybe they're just guilty pleasures, or maybe its an AU that raises interesting possibilities, or maybe the story is really well written in spite of the background flaws. Whatever. We're all here to read and have fun.

PROJECTS I'M WORKING ON:

Downward Spiral- This is my first fan fiction, begun as an entry to the Mentalward Contest, where it was co-winner of the Presenter's Choice Award. Response to the story was overwhelmingly enthusiastic, and I've decided to continue. I have my happy ending scripted in my head, but I'm not exactly sure how (or when) it will get there.

Harvest Moon- This is a Post-Breaking Dawn Expanded Universe (EPOV) story being written by content1. Since I'm working on it with her, she has explained the plot outline to me in detail, and this story will be truly epic in its scope. The story is the result of a writing challenge, with the goal of wrapping up as many of Breaking Dawn's loose ends as possible. In addition, content1 also responds to requests for outtakes and sidebars, which have resulted in several excellent satellite stories (Family Tradition, A Cullen Christmas, and Harvest Moons). The story is finished, at 69 chapters long.

Full Moon Rising - The sequel to Harvest Moon. The prologue has been posted, and Chapter 1 is in the works as of 10/15/10.

Unloved Unwanted- content1's newest project, now that Harvest Moon is finished. A New Moon AU, the story takes a look at a less malevolent Volturi and a different path for Bella and all the Cullens

Unrequited Love- Post-Twilight Alternate Universe (Multiple POV) story being written by -typing-pictures-. Starts from the premise of "what if Bella hadn't cut her finger at her birthday party" and goes from there. The story is past the climactic battle; now we're just waiting on the aftermath and the happily ever after.

Project Team Beta - I've recently started working with this group. It's an on-line community whose goal is to improve Twilight fan-fiction one chapter at a time. Essentially, PTB is a volunteer Beta service. Send in your story and it will get Beta'd and sent back. https: // sites(dot)google(dot)com / site / projectteambeta1 / home.

UPDATE (6/4/12): Due to the constraints of my new job, I have been forced to cease almost all of my active participation in my various projects

MY FAVORITE FAVORITES (Recommendations):

These titles can all be found on my Favorite Stories list, so I'm not going through the effort of providing links.

Legend:

EU – Expanded Universe: This story occurs within the subject canon and expands upon the story while following canon rules.

APOV – Alternate Point Of View: This story occurs within the subject canon, but follows the story from a different perspective than that of the canon character.

AU – Alternate Universe: This story breaks from the canon at some point, exploring the possibilities if a single aspect of the subject canon had happened differently.

Saga AU - The story breaks from canon at some point before Twilight, exploring an alternate premise, such as Bella being a vampire and Edward a human.

O/S – One Shot

Complete:

A Changing Heart (Breaking Dawn Edward APOV, O/S)

A Litany At Dusk (Saga AU)

Abbracciare il Cantante (Twilight AU)

An Untitled Continuation Of The Twilight Saga (Post-Breaking Dawn EU)

Atlas Shrugged (Eclipse AU)

Bonne Foi (Saga AU)

Creature Of Habit & Creatures Of Habit (Saga AU)

Dark Side Of The Moon (New Moon Edward APOV)

Darkest Before The Dawn (Saga AU)

Daedalus In Exile (Twilight AU)

Dr. Cullen, I Presume?, A Mystery In Windemere & A Chicago Story (Pre-Twilight EU - Carlisle Cullen meets Sherlock Holmes)

Falling Beyond Redemption (Eclipse AU)

Guarding Edward (Saga AU)

Hear No Evil (Saga AU)

If Love Could Light A Candle (Saga AU)

Ithaca Is Gorges (New Moon APOV)

Metamorphosis (Breaking Dawn Book 3 Edward APOV)

Numb (New Moon AU)

Rosalie's Revenge (Pre-Twilight EU)

Scheme of Fate (Saga AU)

Schism (New Moon AU, stop reading after Chapter 50)

Seduction (Eclipse Edward APOV O/S)

Shadow Of A Doubt (Post-BD EU)

The Fallout (New Moon AU)

The List (Breaking Dawn AU)

The Path & The Path 2 (Saga AU)

The Vampire In The Basement (Saga AU)

Twilight, Edward Style (Saga AU)

Unloved Unwanted (New Moon AU)

Visions of Love (Pre-Twilight EU)

Complete w/ Incomplete Sequel:

A Darker Shade Of Twilight & Transcendence (Twilight AU)

Give Her Some Credit & Where Credit Is Due (New Moon AU)

Harvest Moon & Full Moon Rising (Post-Breaking Dawn EU)

Singularity, Coalescence & Rogue (Pre-Twilight EU)

The Cold War & Acts of Aggression (Post-Breaking Dawn EU)

Incomplete:

A Garment Of Brightness (Saga AU)

A Madman's Mercy (New Moon AU)

Aro's Heir (New Moon AU)

Completing Midnight Sun (Twilight Edward APOV)

Death And The Vampire (Pre-Twilight EU)

Downward Spiral (Post-Breaking Dawn EU) [My old story, adopted by content 1]

I Know My Duty (New Moon AU)

Irritable Grizzly Adams (New Moon AU)

Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary (Saga AU)

La Canzone Della Bella Cigna (Twilight AU)

No Choice (New Moon AU)

Penumbra (Eclipse Edward APOV)

Soldier X (Saga AU)

The Day The Earth Stood Still (Twilight AU)

The Inevitable (Eclipse Edward APOV)

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me (Post-Breaking Dawn EU)

Non-Twilight:

Into The Storm, In Shadows And Darkness & At The Brink Of The Dawn And The Darkness (Star Wars: The Empire Strike Back AU)

Empire's Son (Saga AU)

Removed (Stories that were on my list, but dropped off, and why):

Neon Moon - Great story, well written, but Bella and Edward didn't end up together at the end (See Point #7)

In Pursuit Of Normalcy (Post-Breaking Dawn EU) - An acceptable story, but I have chosen to delete KariAnn1222's story from my list for personal reasons

Curbed Rebellion (Saga AU), Evenfall (Twilight AU), First Sight (Twilight AU) - Four stories I enjoyed, but then the author decided to crap out and pull most of her stories with no explanation.

Vanished (Stories that were on my list, then disappeared without explanation, mostly due to deletion by the author)

Horizons & Boxing The Compass (Breaking Dawn AU)

Humble Me (Twilight AU)

Reboot (Twilight AU)

The HalfBreed (Saga AU)

Welcome To Forks (Pre-Twilight Multiple APOV)