Profanity/Vulgarity Warning; This is here to warn you all of my sailor's tongue. I will tell you all that no one that I am associated with is forcing you to read this. If someone is, they are likely someone I have never met before - in person - and if it's someone who has an account on this site (or someone who is associated with me), then they are likely doing so without my permission - which sucks for you! If you are one who is offended by the mere mention of words like "fuck" or "shit," then, fuck off! This also goes for my... colorful expressions of personal opinion. Keep in mind that they are my opinions, so if you don't like it, then tough! I have my rights! In being human, I have the right to have and express my own opinion, regardless as to how, damn it!

NOTICE! AS OF JULY 10TH, 2017:

FUCK YEAH! I am back on track, at long last! Twisted Bonds, Silver and Gold, and many more are on their way to finally being updated and uploaded! Time to raise hell! Bwahaha!

I'm also gonna be doing several collabs with the user Spyash2, here on FF. Show him some love, eh? :)

LINKS

For those who are curious about the challenges I'm answering in Twisted Bonds: The Ultimate Sin, there are on this profile:

/u/1907372/

Give Draco some support, eh? :)

Other Pennames

In case my stories are taken down, due to the highly-subjective, unclear "rules" of this site, you can find me on Ficwad. I'm also on DeviantArt and Adult Fanfiction. These are my pennames:

Drunkmansquakin666(Ficwad)

DrunkManSquakin(Adult Fan Fiction)

BobtheSkull666(Deviant Art)

As of today(Feb 10th, 2016), however, my story needs to be edited to fit the mold for Ficwad, as the uploading system is reacting kinda wonky to the files. Haven't tried AFF, yet.

SHIT I'M WORKING ON

Naruto: the Rewrite

A complete overhaul of the Naruto canon, reflecting how I feel certain things should have been handled and disregarding a shit ton of nonsensical recons, plot holes, etc. Pairing is undecided, as of yet, but liable to be NarutoXHarem. Naruto, himself, is also not the idiot he is in canon in this fic. -_- Anko is more important, as I feel she should be, Obito died in the Third War and Madara has long-since been killed by Hashirama. Main baddies are Akatsuki (Orochimaru's still a member) and Kaguya. Ootsutsuki Clan does not exist, Uzumaki are to be overhauled, Ckakra retcon where Kaguya's the source thereof is disregarded, and Naruto is NOT to be the damn reincarnation of Jesus! Ugh...

WARNINGS: Brutal Violence, Language, Eventual Lemons, Impregnation, Implications of Incest (between Gaara and Temari), Character Death, OOC and AU Shenanigans!

SUMMARY: (coming soon)

STATUS: (coming soon)

Blackbird

A NarutoXTeen Titans Crossover. NarutoXRaven. Rated M, Heavy AU, some OOC-ness. Hinata's less shy. Kushina's alive, a Samurai, and raises Naruto. (Why not? I want to see it well done, so I'll do it myself.) Naruto is NOT an Idiot. (He's a bit of an ass, emotionally challenged, and too damn honest for his own damn good... Like a cross between himself and Sai, without the whole Penis Obsession.)

WARNINGS: Brutal Violence, Language, Eventual Lemons, Impregnation, Implications of Incest (between Gaara and Temari), and Naruto's Honesty (it'll be very disturbing...).

SUMMARY: Raven dies in the whole mess with Trigon, because he's not stupid enough to let her live when she became his portal. (Honestly, why would he? I can't help but wonder.) His reappearance, though, enrages the the Crows of Azaroth, so they deal with him and resurrect the poor kid, as per the last request of High Priestess Arella, Raven's mother. However, due to events foretold by the priestess (and the fact that Earth was destroyed by the whole "Trigon Must Die" fiasco), Raven is sent to another world and resurrected as a child. Growing up alongside Naruto, under the eyes of his mother, Raven is introduced to a whole new world and the ways of Shinobi life. One may wonder how she'll fair.

STATUS: Plotline Development is put on hold (March 21st, 2011).

(Side Note:The originally intended Minor Bleach Crossing has been dropped.)

Silver and Gold

A NarutoXClaymore Crossover. Minor Bleach Cross. (This one will stay.) NarutoXJean. Rated M, Heavy AU, Some OOC-ness, and an OC Sensei. Naruto is a HELL of a lot smarter with some new tricks. (He's not Godly Powerful. He just has more shit that he can do with his Clones, for the most part.)

WARNINGS: Brutal Violence, Language, Crude Humor, Awkward Humor, Dark Humor, Eventual Sex and Impregnation, Many Things Going BOOM, and the OC (She's often very awkward).

SUMMARY: Pieta, the city to the North, where a Legion of monsters known as Awakened Beings approach. Their intent is unknown, but one thing was certain; they must not pass. The problem was that twenty-six warriors simply did not cut it. Those events were no longer important, though. What was important was... what the hell happened!? Where was she, why was she here, how was she still alive, who is Naruto, why did give off an aura of Youki, and, most importantly, why was she now FIVE?! One thing was for sure; Jean, the Organization's Warrior Number Nine, had a lot on her plate, and the most important question was this: could she really cope with all these changes?

STATUS: Currently on hold; this story will be rewritten, soon! Gonna be a bit, before I can update it, but I haven't forgotten you! (July 10, 2017)

Twisted Bonds

A not-so-typical Uzumaki Twincest Fic and the answer to two Challenges by dracohalo117. The difference is that it's actually taken seriously and there's more to the plot than simple, shameless smut. Naruto X Small Harem (Nariko (his twin sister) X Hinata X Shizuka (Female Sasuke)). Dark Natured, Rated M, Heavy AU, Moderate-to-Heavy OOC-Ness (Depending on the Character). Naruto is calm and quiet, Nariko is more like her Canon counterpart. Both are smart as hell, though, and very dark, ALMOST to the point of evil. Yugito is their unofficial older sister. All three have their own similar talents.

Special Note: Yugito is still significant to the story, but has been taken out of the main pairing. Other changes have been made as well.

WARNINGS: Incest, Heavy Sexual Content, Eventual Impregnation, Inbreeding, Brutal Violence, Dark Humor, Crude Humor, and Otherwise Questionable Content.

SUMMARY: Revised: now an answer to the "Naruto Hates the Yondaime Hokage Challenge" by dracohalo117, along with his "Uchiha and Hyuuga; Naruto's Defenders" idea.

Incestuous... unholy... sick... wrong... ...kinky...?

These, and many other - usually much more colorful - words have often been used to describe the twisted bond that was shared by the "Demon Twins of Konoha", otherwise known as Uzumaki Naruto and Uzumaki Nariko. However wrong it may be, though, no one could really blame them. After all, they were outcasts; turning to the only ones that would accept them, right?

Well that was the common belief of society. However, what no one knew was that the shadows of the forgotten and neglected were converging, and that a chance encounter between two clan heiresses and one who called himself the "Lord of the Pit" would rock the future of Konoha well off of its high horse. Nine years after the Kyuubi's rampage, strange things will start happening and a new, powerful threat would rise from the south. The people of Konoha will soon after pay for their sins, and they will discover what hell feels like when it falls from the sky!

The Lord of the Pit and the Mountain Queen... The Queen of the Damned and the Children of the Pit... they will make everyone pay.

STATUS: Rewritten under the name Twisted Bonds: the Ultimate Sin. First Chapter of Arc Three is nearly done! It's currently in the process of being edited. I shall post it as soon as it is ready! Second chapter's already being written, as well! First scene is almost done, and soon, we shall be seeing the twins in action!(July 10th, 2017)

A Second Chance: Rise of the Mitarashi Clan

A NarutoXAvatar: the Last Airbender Crossover and an answer to a Challenge by dracohalo117. Technically has a minor Yakuza Girl, as a single Character from said Manga Series has been "borrowed" to take on the role of Naruto's future girlfriend. Uzumaki NarutoXSemimaru Reiko. Moderate AU (fairly Canon-Friendly), Mild-to-Moderate OOC-Ness (Depending on the Character). Firebender Naruto, Firebender Ami. Naruto is not a dumbass. Reiko is a descendant of the Kaguya Clan and has their Bloodline.

Special Note: If you haven't figured this out yet, Semimaru Reiko is the Character borrowed from Yakuza Girl.

WARNINGS: Crude Humor, Mature Humor, Sexual Content, Eventual Impregnation, Brutal Violence and Language.

SUMMARY: In Progress (March 27th 2011).

STATUS: Put on hold until my work concerning Twisted Bonds: the Ultimate Sin is complete. That fic is main priority. (May 19th 2011).

OTHER SHIT I PLAN TO WRITE (PAIRINGS AND REASONS)

(All are assumed to be postponed, until further notice, or unless indicated otherwise.)

Naruto Fics

1.) Uzumaki Naruto X(Mitarashi) Tayuya

(Tayuya is Anko's adopyive daughter, Naruto is a Taijutsu/Fire User with a Mother/Son relationship with the Kyuubi. Anko also has a dragon-ish Level Two Curse Mark form that is inspired by my good, old friend, the succubus. Idea was inspired and approved by dthegrimm.)

Reason: A new spin-off of the NaruXTayu pairing without one of the two plots that have probably been done a thousand times, each. Also being done as a bit of a tribute to dthegrimm, due to his retirement from Fan Fiction.

2.) Uzumaki NarutoXOCXOC

(Aburame Shiroari, Shino's Sister, and Morihana Kiku, a female Mokuton user from Kiri.)

Reason: A contribution to the rather small non-Mary-Sue OC populace of Fanfiction.net.

3.) Uzumaki NarutoXHaruno SakuraXHyuuga Hinata

Reason: We've all seen NaruXSaku and NaruXHina up the ass, but despite the sheer overflow of these one-on-one Fics, I have yet to come across a decent NaruXSakuXHina... I figured that I might as well try it, eh?

4.) Fem NarutoXMale Kyuubi (Cancelled; PM me, if you wanna adopt this idea.)

(Cunning, Hyouton-user, Female Naruto with a Hentai Tentacle Monster as her Personal Summon and a talking, domesticated arctic fox as her Familiar. The Kyuubi is also an arctic fox, in this one.)

Reason: Again, I have yet to see it, despite all of the Fem Naru and NaruXFem Kyuu Fics I've seen. The Ice-user part was recently added, as I have acquired a recent inspiration to mix this idea with one of my smaller ones.

5.) Uzumaki NarutoXAmi

Reason: Only one author has written this well and those Fics haven't seen an update in years...

6.) Uzumaki NarutoXKurotsuchi

Reason: No one else is doing it...

7.) Uzumaki NarutoXKarui

Reason: Again, no one else is doing it.

8.) Rin'negan Fem Naruto Fic

(Pairing is still being debated, possible Yuri.)

Reason: As far as I've seen, it has yet to be achieved.

9.) NarutoXKumo OC Fic

(The Kumo OC is one of my own creation named Itadaki Michi. A profile will be coming soon.)

Reason: For the most part, I just want to. I do enjoy the thought of adding to the number of NarutoXOC Fics on this site, though, due to their relative rarity.

Warcraft Fics

(Coming eventually... I need to get my WoW account back, before I can... T_T(May 3rd, 2017))

Naruto Crossovers

1.) Uzumaki NarutoXRiful

(Evil, Manipulative, Awakened Being Naruto. Has a split personality, along with the ability to shapeshift, and his "other half" is female.)

Cross: Naruto and Claymore

Universe: Naruto, Manga

Reason: I'm disappointed by the sheer lack of decent NarutoXClaymore Fics. Enough said.

2.) Uzumaki NarutoXMana

(Lazy, Smart, Juubi Vessel Naruto. Uses the Dark Magician. Tayuya is reincarnated as Naruto's eight-year-old, foul-mouthed vassal.)

Cross: Naruto and Yu-Gi-Oh!

Universe: Yu-Gi-Oh!, Anime

Reason: As far as I've seen, a decent NarutoXYu-Gi-Oh! Crossover has yet to be achieved.

3.) NarutoXHarem (Hyuuga HinataXShirayuki MizoreXFem OC)

(Dark, Scary, Warlock/Paladin Naruto, speciallizing in Light, Darkness and Fire. Uses a Warhammer and Kurono Kurumu has been tossed in as his Minion/Familiar )which ever you'd prefer to call her).

Cross: Naruto, RosarioVampire, and Warcraft (the OC is a Werewolf, Hinata is in for sake of comic relief, Mizore serves as Naruto's second stalker, and Kurenai is a Vampire.)

Universe: Naruto, Heavy AU (based off the Manga)

Reason: With so few tastefully-written Crossover Harem Fics on this site, I figured that I may as well try to make one.

4.) Uzumaki NarutoXSylvanas Windrunner

(Dark, Death Knight Naruto, primarily specializing in Frost and Blood. Uses a Halberd. Anko serves as a mother figure.)

Cross: Naruto and Warcraft

Universe: Warcraft, Extended

Reason: Same as the NarutoXRiful Fic; there are just so few Crossovers of this particular type (and pairing) that I simply want to write it.

5.) Uzumaki NarutoXAhsoka Tano

Cross: Naruto and Star Wars: the Clone Wars

Universe: Star Wars, Extended

Reason: I have yet to see a Fic of this pairing that I like, so I figured that I might as well.

PERSONAL SHIT

Things I Enjoy/Like;

Spending time with my Fiancee

Writing Fanfiction (mostly Naruto, though I'm looking at a few other stories to destroy people's childhoods with. MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, lol.)

Music (mostly metal, rock, and many forms of random shit)

Reading good Fanfics (in general)

Reading Fanfics with rare, non-yaoi pairings involving Naruto, himself

Reading well-written Fanfics with rare yuri pairings

Naruto Fics with well-written Sasuke bashing (in rare cases, it's actually kinda funny)

NarutoXFem Sasuke Fics (Only once have I seen it done well. Now I want more!)

Being an asshole (in good spirit, mind you.)

Being honest (You'd be surprised how mean you can actually be simply by being honest. =3)

Being random

Being myself (in general)

Food (in general)

Soda (not the diet shit; my favorites are Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper.)

Porn (WHAT?! At least I'm honest, dammit!)

Well-written literotica (Do I really need to repeat what I said about Porn?)

Collectible card games (mostly Yu-Gi-Oh! and Magic: the Gathering; they're not over-complex, but still require a decent amount of strategy to be good at.)

Role-playing video games (in general, but I like the fantasy-based ones more.)

Well-written yuri, incest and harem Fics (Yaoi is not included among the incest and harem genres, for the record. The only real annoying part is finding them, sometimes.)

Things I Hate/Dislike;

Yaoi (More of a disinterest than a dislike, to be honest. I don't read it, because I don't want to and I have no real reason to be interested. It really is that simple...)

The sheer overflow of yaoi on this site (For the most part, I just find it annoying, due to its bad tendency to get in my way when I'm scouring for new Fics to read.)

Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Obito, and Uchiha Madara from Naruto (In Canon, mostly because they killed it. In Fanon, it depends on the Fic.)

Poorly-written literary smut (Seriously, people, that is why porn was invented... . I'm a guy, dammit! If I wanna see that shit, I'mma sit on my lazy ass and watch it, rather than going through the completely unnecessary trouble of reading it and picturing the events in my head, y'know? Unless it's done well, it's just not worth the effort.)

M-Rated Fanfics that have no gore, language, or sex (Panzy Bitches! Give it the rating for a reason, dammit!)

Things That Just Piss Me Off;

People who judge others because they are different

Those who belittle others because of their gender, race, beliefs, and/or sexuality

Flamers (in general)

Those who belittle others for wanting to try something different

Those who are narrow-minded to the point of ridiculous (in general)

Canon-Obsessed douchebags who flame the actual AUTHORS on this site just because the pairing is "unrealistic" or the characters are not "in character" (You assholes seriously need to get a life, dammit! AT LEAST WE ARE TRYING TO BE CREATIVE! Unlike you, we actually realize that this is FanFICTION.net! Get a life and get LAID!! You clearly need it more than I do. Coming from me, that's saying something!)

Favorite Anime/Manga (so far);

Puella Magi Madoka Magica--Trippy as balls and not without its flaws, but a mindfuck of the best kind, in my opinion.

Black Lagoon--Why would I not like this shit? Tits, guns, and 'splodies, 'nuff said!

Hellsing Ultimate OVA--Again, why would I not like this shit?!

Outlaw Star--A classic, enough said.

Battle Royale--I feel like a terrible person for liking this Manga, but, damn it, I do!

Yosuga no Sora--I gotta say, I love how this Anime is basically four different love stories in a single story. It was very unusual and fucking awesome! =3 If incestuous elements are not your thing, though, I don't recommend it.

Gate: Jieitai Kanochi nite, Kaku Tatakaeri--Rory Mercury is a beast! The series is also kinda fun, as a whole, and I don't think I've ever seen a modern military find itself in a medieval European fantasy, before this one. Very unique, as far as I can tell. There are some cringe moments, mind you, but I liked it. A decent popcorn flick, if nothing else. :) Manga's better by a long shot, though.

Future Diary--I really am a terrible person, aren't I? /blush . I know it's shit, but I like it, damn it! That's all there is to say.

Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt--We all have our guilty pleasures. =3 It's just too damn hilarious for me not to like! Until Season Two is confirmed, though, just... disregard that last end credit scene, and you're good.

Girls und Panzer--Wonky as all shit, but oddly charming, I must say.

Claymore--The Manga's just too cool for me not to love, even despite all the glaring flaws my old, jaded ass can see, now. That and the existence of Riful of the West pretty much clinched it. When I first saw her, I was hooked. (The biggest problem I have with it is that all of the girls seem to be a bunch of one-trick ponies... Ugh...)

Deathnote--Mostly for nostalgic reasons, now. Never before this series had I seen something where the main character is also the villain, but Light was pulled off quite well, in my opinion. The show kinda died when Kira pulled off one of the most badass things I've ever seen though, because it overstayed its welcome and the ending was shit. .

Naruto--Hate the storyline, but I like all of the possibilities I see a lot of the Characters and their universe having in Fanfiction.

Bleach-- In the same boat as Naruto. Lost interest in this one by episode 40, though.

Favorite Serious/Often-True Quotes (so far);

A wise man once confessed that God gave man two heads, but only enough blood in his body to let one of them properly function at a time...

The line between brave and stupid is thinner than the line between cowardly and wise. That's what makes the first line so much harder to avoid than the second.

Whoever said that nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. (Sephiroth's Sword, another person on this site)

Not all who wander are lost. (Velen, World of Warcraft)

You can take many paths to reach the same place. (old native saying, in America)

Plenty stands still, but hunger is a wanderer. (Zulu proverb)

If you go into battle hoping to live, then surely you will die. If you go into battle determined to die, then surely you will not. (old Japanese saying)

Favorite Funny/Awesome Quotes (so far);

Choose your next words wisely--they will be your last. (Phage, the Untouchable--Magic: the Gathering)

I'm a social drinker: when someone says "I'm gonna get a drink", I say, "so shall I." (Dwarves, World of Warcraft)

You kiddin'? I'd kill you for a Clondike Bar! (Achmed the Dead Terrorist)

Mahogany... (Dragon Ball Z Abridged. Watch it, and you will understand.)

Once, I saw a goblin yelling at a thunderstorm--he lost the argument pretty quickly. (A Wandering Mage, Magic: the Gathering)

RULES AND LAWS TO LIVE BY

I don't have many, but one doesn't need much, when Rule 1 is "do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

OTHER SHIT

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man barried her while she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia

Dear bullies,

See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself.
You know that girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting on make-up hoping people will like her.
That boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home.
See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country.
See that young boy you must made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor.
That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying.

Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't
Your life is probably not as harsh as theirs.