Name: SmoresandHoney

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Bio: I just write mainly to entertain myself. I don't write to impress or anything I just like writing.

Fandoms: Lupin III, Doctor Who, Danny Phantom, Garfield, Sailor Moon, Hetalia: Axis Powers, Star Ocean, BBC Sherlock, Sherlock Holmes, The Avengers, Iron Man, Captain America, The Matrix, Resident Evil, Classic Simpsons, YuGiOh

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . . e-mail this to someone to make them smile and laugh. Its called therapy.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

Someone should seriously sue Walt Disney for making every girl believe she has a prince charming.

Cracks in the concrete remind us that no matter how strong we are we break.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

You can ask permission now or beg forgiveness later.

Never regret what once made you smile.

Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity was framed.

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

The difference between humour and tragedy is that humor is when it happens to someone else.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts

Life is not passing me by, it is trying to run me over.

Shock me... say something intelligent.

Everyone's entitled to be stupid but you're just abusing the privilege.

Remember what you just said because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and then you'll be sorry.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to make it work again.

When you're right no one remembers, when you're wrong no one forgets.

Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask myself, "Where did I go wrong?" and a voice answers back, "When you decided to shoot the idiots rather than blow them up and got us thrown in jail."

Smile - make people wonder what you're up to.

Life is full of risks. It requires you to jump. Don't be afraid of the unknown, be afraid of never getting the chance to discover it.

If the truth will set you free, why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room for the next two weeks?!

If aliens are looking for intelligent life then Earth has nothing to worry about.

Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Call me crazy and prepare to be laughed at for being right.

The evening news is where they begin by saying 'good evening' then proceed to tell you why its not.

If you think it can't get any worse its probably because you lack sufficient imagination.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain

Most teenagers would have a meltdown if you called them a freak. However, I will simply ask, "What was your first clue?"

That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you

I'm the person you're mother warned you to avoid making friends with.

When the giant fluffy bunnies take over the world, I am NOT saving your ass.

It's all fun and games until the other person looses their sanity.

At my lemonade stand I shall give you two glasses; the first is free, the second is five dollars because it contained the antidote to go with the first.

Happiness is when the dentist says it won't hurt a bit, and then gets his hand caught in the drill.

I like you; when the world is mine your death shall be quick and painless while the others are suffering.

I please only one person a day; today is not you're day and tomorrow isn't looking so good either.

I love deadlines. I like the whoosing sound that they make as they go by.

I'm not insane, and my hand puppets agree with me.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

If God intended for man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes.

I swear, I didn't run into it! The pole moved on its own!

If you know for a fact you have an evil monkey living in your closet, copy and paste this into your profile.

I'm not paranoid - WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

Flying is simple; just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Beware! For my place of employment has give me a new weapon - the BUBBLE WRAP - OF DOOM!!

The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it get me!

There's three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and my way, which is still wrong but much faster!

Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen.

Just because your not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corner of my room in search of what some might call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends, I may not return alive.