Harry Potter was Sorted into Slytherin after a crappy childhood. His brother Jim is believed to be the BWL. Think you know this story? Think again. Year Four starts on 9/1/20. NO romantic pairings prior to Fourth Year. Basically good Dumbledore and Weasleys. Limited bashing (mainly of James).

As the unwitting personification of Death, reality exists to Lily through the veil of a backstage curtain, a transient stage show performed by actors who take their roles only too seriously. But as the Girl-Who-Lived, Lily's role to play is the most important of all, and come hell or high water play it she will, regardless of how awful Wizard Lenin seems to think she is at her job.

If Light had never touched the Death Note, would he ever have found an escape from the depression and boredom that plagued him? Would he have had a future at all? M for dark themes.

In which canon scenes are interrupted, and matters progress... in an alternate manner. In this chapter: Sirius and Remus do a better job of making sure Pettigrew isn't going anywhere in a hurry.

Drabbles, ficlets, and oneshots, tags or missing scenes as I work my way through a TOS rewatch. This chapter: Post-Obsession, a discussion of command paranoia over a Tri-D chessboard.

Sirius never stopped to think that his brother may not have joined the Death Eaters of his own free will. Or just how thorough a tragedy his death was. Oh the secrets a diary reveals and the unique opportunities a deadly veil offers.

Kyouya-centric. Kyouya's always been there for Tamaki, and will always be. He's content to be a true Shadow King, forever watching from the sidelines. However, Kyouya gains a new perspective on their relationship when he suddenly wakes up as a woman. But things are not as they seem.

AU. What if the Triwizard Tournament took place in Harry's first year, not his fourth?

Starfleet Command has become interested in the Insonti technology which transformed their most prominent starship captain into an infant some weeks ago. The Enterprise has been assigned to perform research, hopefully producing an allegiance with the Insonti people. And after all, observing the effects on a non-human species is the next logical step...

Lenore H McCoy had it all, but then her world was stolen and all she had were her bones. Fem!Bones Bones/Spock. Why did I make Leonard female? Sometimes I just wish certain characters were female. Like Bones, Dare Devil, Neville Longbottom, Robin Hood. Not sure why, I just do.

On a class trip to London Harriet Lily Potter found a little black book lying on the ground, and suddenly, destiny shifted. Fem!Harry Diary!Tom Eventual TMR/HP Currently in year 5. On Hiatus. (but not abandoned)

Regulus agrees to be a spy for the Order of the Phoenix shortly before Voldemort's downfall. Thirteen years later, he's a reluctant potions master under the watchful eye of Albus Dumbledore, just trying to get through his days without cursing the meddling Headmaster. Now Regulus's estranged brother has escaped from Azkaban, and Dumbledore has had the grand idea to invite Sirius's p

While going through every episode top to bottom, I'll be looking for evidence that supports K/S and also discussing the arguments against it. Serious about the argument, ridiculous about everything else. M for language. Yay 60s.

She is the lone survivor of the Second Wizarding War; once she decides to embark on the journey into the perilous past, there is no going back. She decides not only to save lives, but souls, too. However, not everyone would be so welcoming to her intrusion, especially since she is Lady Slytherin. Will she be able to save the past and stay alive? FEM!POTTER & DARK FEM!POTTER. ANGST!

Harry has a great memory, photographic even. He remembers everything even the day he was born. Every sight, sound, smell or touch he remembers with crystal clarity and he has power from the moment he is born. And whats up with Hedwig? All chapters edited for spelling, grammar, and some content. You may want to re-read it.

Five times Jim Kirk epically failed to keep a secret from his command crew, and one time his command crew kept it for him.

Five times a mind meld with Jim Kirk worked just fine, and one time where it really, really didn't. Gen, H/C, contains some mild TOS rebooting.

Someone from the Enterprise's crew must have their character tested by an alien "god" in order to finish their mission. Spock is chosen to represent the Federation, and he learns some things about himself in the process. (The title is a famous line from "Mirror, Mirror," but there's nothing Mirror about the story.) This is Kirk & Spock friendship, no slash.

When the Battle of Yorktown reopens old wounds in addition to creating new ones, it takes a little more than just rest and solitude to begin the healing process for the Enterprise's captain.

Fem!McCoy. Lenore McCoy is tired of having to chase people around for physicals. Ticked off, she has a whole dialogue of scolding set in her mind for the first officer as she enters his room. What she didn't expect was to find him fast asleep. And he wakes for nothing. No funny business. Just fluff and humor. Preslash Spock x McCoy. Rated T for mild language and Kirk's teasing.

/It feels as though he is watching through a viewscreen, like he is not really here. Everything sounds far away. None of it feels real./ The scene immediately following Khan blacking out at the end of Star Trek: Into Darkness.

Five times some part of Spock's Vulcan nature annoyed James Kirk to no end, and one time he (literally) couldn't live without it. No Beyond spoilers until the fourth section, no knowledge of TOS necessary. Primarily gen fic, background only Spock/Uhura until fifth section and even then treated very lightly.

There are stories with snakes that bite and say {you knew what I was when you picked me up} but this isn't one of them. This is the kind of story where the abandoned child walks in the jungle beneath the branches full of hissing things and tells them {we be of one blood ye and I}. Harriet Potter is eleven and she chooses. (genderswap/Slytherin Harry au) Don't copy to another site.

Time travel. It's always about Potter. Draco Malfoy doesn't like that fact, but there is no one else who has the power to change the world. Sending his memories to his younger self he hopes to create a better future. Intelligent Grey Draco. No slash.

Harry never put his name in the cup. No one would believe him, so he leaves Hogwarts searching for a way to fight the wizarding contract, using the thing that holds him to it; the law.

Fresh off the ship from Vulcan Spock begins her days at the Star Fleet Academy. A curious Captain Christopher Pike takes interest in the prodigious mind of this half Vulcan, setting her on the fast track to becoming a ranking officer aboard his ship. Friends are made and connections forged during her days on earth. Fem! Spock pre series/movie some light Spirk eventually

always a girl!Bones/Spock Thanks to an grateful aliens intervening, Spock and Lenore McCoy spend a passionate night together they swear is a one time thing, but it has an unavoidable consequence that everyone will have to deal with...Hard M M/F

Regulus Arcturus Black dies a tragic death in a cave, trying to stop Voldemort. The Fates decide he deserves another chance for his heroic efforts. He is reincarnated, as Harry Potter. Now armed with the memories of his past life and mistakes he sets out to stop Voldemort and change the Wizarding World. Prompt by savya398

Ambassador Spock has reached the end of his life, and now faces eternity in the Hall of Ancient Memory. But it won't necessarily be exactly what he expects. Written in honor of Leonard Nimoy, who passed away yesterday. Rest in peace.

As per the Hat's decision, Harry gets Sorted into Slytherin upon his arrival in Hogwarts—and suddenly, the future isn't what it used to be.

A very AU Severus/Harry mentor fic with Lucius as a friend as well. Petunia dies and the Dursley's flee Privet Drive along with Harry. They end up hiding in an unexpected place when the Hogwarts letter arrives.

Spock/Fem!Kirk. Just because things happened in one time-line, doesn't mean they have to happen in this one. At least, that's Jane Kirk's determined opinion upon being told she and Spock were married in that other reality. The universe, however, has other ideas - and the spirit of her dead counterpart stuck inside her head isn't helping matters.

Xenopolycythemia, reboot style. Jim, Bones & Spock h/c.

Matt was perfectly fine living in Mello's shadow, comfortably ensconced in third place, but L just had to shove his ugly letter where it wasn't wanted and undertake the impossible task of getting Matt to give a damn.

Jim Kirk is the worst hostage ever.

The crew watch as Jim and Spock play their first chess match. Spock might be leading the game, but Jim has his eyes on winning the war.

There were a lot of people in the universe who wanted to see Captain James T. Kirk dead. Leonard McCoy never thought he would be one of them.

Five times Spock wore something other than his uniform, and one time he was only too glad to put the uniform back on. Answer to an LJ writing prompt for non-uniform!clothes!love. Triumvirate gen!fic, highly likely to include fluff, angst, crack, and anything else you usually see from me. You have been warned. Last Chapter technically an AOS crossover, full warnings inside.

Five times Spock saved his captain, and one time McCoy saved them both.

Two hundred years of Spec Ops wasn't long enough to prepare her for the Enterprise crew, or their missions. Kirk/McCoy, fem!Bones, Reaper!Bones. Language, sex, violence, mature themes.

Five times Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock went all protective on Dr. McCoy, and one time McCoy showed them that he doesn't need y'all's coddling and can darn well take care of himself, thanks very much. Gen, Triumvirate-centric giftfic for a friend.

Five times Spock's Vulcan characteristics saved his human crewmates, and one time those crewmen's human characteristics returned the favor. Gen, Triumvirate-centric. Here be crack, fluff, a dash of H/C, and heaven only knows what else. Read at your own risk.

The adventures of an ordinary Maintenance man aboard the Enterprise, and his observations of the developing trifold powerhouse which is Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. This bit: Ensign Turner is the first responder to the site of an accident involving the First Officer.

Albus Dumbledore gets an unexpected visitor in his office one late summer night. The Headmaster finds himself talking to a monster he never knew could arise from his actions. Darkish.

Harry had no idea why the boys in the Great Hall drooled over themselves as the students from Beuxbatons made their entrance, but he knew better than to let an opportunity slip. He hurriedly stole Ron's sandwich. It tasted gloriously.

Sequel of sorts to My Captain; namely the corresponding McCoy-and-Spock-centric version of that story. Five reasons why there's only one person aboard ship who's willing to get in-between Commander Spock and CMO Leonard McCoy, and one reason why even that person will duck and run for cover sometimes instead.

Kid!fic universe created for the LiveJournal community trek crackbingo. Unadulterated, unashamed crackfic, fluff, etc. Read at your own peril; you have been properly warned. Kirk/McCoy/Spock centric ficlet series, Gen. Complete now, other than bits and pieces I'll add when the urge takes me. New: Continuation of Amusement Park.

What if Petunia put the blame where it belonged instead of on Harry? OOC Petunia Dursley Rating for mild language

Written for LiveJournal's comm 3sentence: objective is to choose a threesome and write fifty mini-stories for fifty one-word prompts, in fifty sentences. Warning only for excessive use of semicolons and compound-complex sentence structure. All plot bunnies up for grabs if you like. Gen, Kirk-Spock-McCoy.

With one question posed to the Sorting Hat, Harry Potter's life changes completely.

Haruhi has a boyfriend! but who is it, and how will the Host Club take this news?

Harry in his anger at the Headmaster after the death of Sirius finally burns through the Memory Charm that the Headmaster cast on him just before third year and comes to some surprising revelations

"Have you found out how to get past that beast of Hagrid's yet?" ...Snape kicks Harry out of 'Remedial Potions', but as we know from The Philosopher's Stone, there is another Occlumens in the school good enough to keep out the Dark Lord. Stupid oneshot.

In her seventh year, Lily Luna Potter sees the Triwizard Tournament played at Hogwarts for the first time in more than thirty years.

Being the captain is not all fun and games. 5 ways in which Jim's new captaincy is not what he expected it to be, and 1 way it's completely awesome.

At age eight, Harry Potter had an epiphany. He realized, with the utter certainty that only an eight years old can have, that he was a Jedi.

Harry reminds Draco of a far easier way to achieve his goals. Oneshot

Jim, Spock, and Bones and a Shore Leave... on Vulcan! Sounds like the epitome of Boredom to Bones, but at least nothing bad can happen... right? NON-SLASH Kplus Cuz I'm paranoid and I like to beat the crap out of Jim.

Suddenly, he grabs you, fingers branding your bicep. The two of you stand frozen, twisted together against the wall in some strange, frantic triangle. / Kirk/Spock romance based heavily on canon, Spock's POV.

Seven times Spock of Vulcan met James T. Kirk for the first time, and one time they were re-united. Mainly TOS-verse, last section XI-verse. Giftfic for my dear friend PGF.

When Draco Malfoy wished upon the enchanted engagement rings to find him his perfect bride, the very last thing he expected was to end up with a certain Harry Potter - what a way to turn your world upside down ... Draco/fem!Harry, Post Deathly Hallows.

My exchange fic for LiveJournal's happy trekmas, for xlcatloveress. Five times Spock did something illogically dangerous for the sake of his captain, and one time his captain returned the favor. Last chapter is crossover with Generations and ST:XI.

Five reasons why the crew of the Enterprise would follow James T. Kirk to Hell and back, and one reason why he would do the same. Sixshot, nonslash. Kirk-and-Spock-centric whumpage. What's not to love?

Ten times Ambassador Sarek encountered Captain James T. Kirk. Spoilers from pre-Journey to Babel era up through the end of The Voyage Home. Gift fic for Tharin. Spock-Kirk-McCoy and Amanda-centric, Sarek POV. Nonslash.

After being burned in his explosion, Mello is found by Matt, who had been looking for him ever since he left the Wammy House. It's always nice to have an old friend on your side, but after almost 5 years, it's bound to be an odd reunion. Matt/Mello

Written for a LiveJournal fic exchange with the prompt of "McCoy gets walloped on the head, giving Spock a second chance to meet the doctor for the first time. Does it change anything?" Nonslash.

Harry has had enough of seeing his reputation shredded in the Daily Prophet and decides to do something about it. Only he decides to embrace his Slytherin side to rectify matters.

In the wake of Operation Annihilate, several issues are left unaddressed and unresolved, including placement of blame for the full-spectrum experiment resulting in Spock's blindness, and coping with a grieving man. Fourshot.

Collaboration between KCS and Protector of the Gray Fortress, taken from an unfulfilled LiveJournal five-and-one prompt. Five times James Kirk managed to get off the Transporter platform by himself, and one time he just couldn’t.

Drabble series. When the Enterprise is ordered to escort a xenophobic admiral back to Earth, the man discovers to his shock that James T. Kirk's crew is just a little protective of their First Officer...

Haiti charity fic for the request of the aftermath of Plato's Stepchildren, specifically Spock trying to cope with his emotional violation and his near-uncontrollable anger over Parmen's actions towards Kirk. Threeshot. Nonslash triumvirate fic.

Five times Jim and Spock gave each other something, and one time it wasn't necessary. Written for the DeviantArt StarTrekking Shatmoy birthday competition. Nonslash.

When I awoke, I was lying amongst little pieces of me; all I saw was splintered versions of Kaoru, staring back at me in wide-eyed horror...

Good mafia men are too manly to go on dates. And Mello is nothing if not manly. Sort of.

Songfic to 'Jessie's Girl' by Rick Springfield. Warning for girl!Spock.

The conversation that happened after the events of Menagerie, following Kirk's request for Spock to return to talk to him after seeing Pike to the Transporter Room. Not fluff this time; a serious discussion of serious issues. Full summary within.

Unexpectedly, Sayu fell in love with the last person she thought she could ever remotely like. After all, most girls go for their high school or college sweethearts. She had to go for the kidnapper of all people. Rated T for some rare swearing.

Ten drabbles in sequence. James Kirk's command staff know he loves his crew enough to take their deaths personally, and they in turn love him enough to do what they can after missions gone wrong.

Scene set just after Journey to Babel. Amanda Grayson-Sarek watches her son as he cares for his recovering captain, and the Captain indirectly offers her a rare gift.

‘I’m giving it away. I’m sure Hikaru won’t mind. I’m passing the secret kiss to someone.’ Kaoru, prince of subtlety, meet Haruhi, queen of bluntness. KaoHaru :3

What happens when Kyouya and Haruhi switch bodies with Hikaru and Kaoru.

In the wake of Operation Annihilate, the three people most affected by the Denevan parasites come together over a familiar game with less familiar metaphors. Not part of Aftermath series; full author's notes inside.

The crew of the Enterprise engage in an inter-department competition of Capture the Flag. Team Gold thinks they're going to wipe the floor with Team Blue. Team Blue thinks Team Gold needs to be taught a lesson. And Team Red sits back and enjoys the show.

Written by request for a LiveJournal Haiti Charity fic offer: Five times Spock stopped his captain, and one time he didn't. Early fic, set pre-Where No Man Has Gone Before.

An ongoing series of one shot stories exploring how Slytherin!Harry would have handled key moments from the books. Events will appear out of order, so don't be surprised if it jumps around. Small but important edit made to Chapter Five

Four connected drabbles set during the mind meld in Spectre of the Gun and after the four's return to the Enterprise. References events in Mirror, Mirror. Some closure was needed with both those episodes, in my opinion; this is my attempt at it.

Oneshot written for Round Three of LiveJournal's trek-exchange. Warning for lack of plot and pointless humor-fluff. And giant butterflies.

Kirk and Spock discuss the chain of command while returning from the Galactic Barrier. Set post-Where No Man Has Gone Before but before Charlie X, and addresses a couple of what to me look like discrepancies in the early episodes.

Lidner never wanted children.

Voldemort is in power, but the Wizarding World fights back. Harry Potter, Master of Death, is faced with a choice, move forward or change everything? Warning: This story is weird and not for everyone.

He wanted something, something else was in the way... So he got rid of it.

After the Triwizard Tournament debacle, Sirius decides it's high time he started playing a more active role in his godson's life. A Sirius-takes-charge fic. AU Fifth book onwards.

I am eight years old the first time I decide that being human is a bore." L has never been quite normal.

It’s three weeks into their first term at Starfleet and Kirk isn’t quite sure why McCoy lets him hang around her still. He’s pretty sure it’s probably because he was the only one to help her off the transport ship, half-covered in vomit. girl!Bones/Kirk

What needed to be discussed and resolved, in my opinion, after the events of the episode The Galileo Seven. Early-timeline fic, missing scene. Obviously, spoiler warning for Galileo Seven episode.

Kaoru was never forceful in the way he asked for things, but he never had to be. Kaoru/Mei. Mentions of Hikaru/Haruhi.

Thank God for Haruhi having rich friends. If not for her Mei would have never met her idol or her idol's sons. Although, she had to admit, rich people were a lot different than she imagined.

Kirk walks a lonely road, or so he thought before getting pwned by Spock. Implied Kirk/Spock slash K/S Spirk Just a little tidbit....

A different outcome to Harry's discussion with Albus at the end of OotP. Not Slash

What had begun this little bathroom esapade was what Kaoru had immediately begun refering to as 'The Incident.'" Kaoru discovers his sexuality and his feelings for Tamaki all in one afternoon. The Host Club is going to be a lot more awkward from now on.

A few of the orphans who remain alive after L’s death get together to watch a home movie they dug up of L as a child, and they struggle with the concept of L as a human being instead of a golden idol.

Light needs coffee, damn it.

She doesn't know if she hates him or not, but one thing's for sure - she doesn't like him. Oneshot, what Halle thinks of Near. Rated T just in case.

Because Ohtori Kyouya and Fujioka Haruhi can't possibly have a normal happily ever after. One shots from their engagement and marriage following no particular order.

In the days after Sirius falls through the veil, Harry retreats into silence and watches as the scene repeats itself in his mind’s eye. He knows that if he can just understand what was said by those whispering voices, that he could rescue his godfather.

Near's insatiable curiosity leads to Lidner getting him a custom Ouija board, which in turns leads her, Gevanni, and Rester to endure a night none of them will forget...11/12/08: Final part up!

In all his eighteen years of life, Near never thought he would have to attend a funeral.

‘‘Halloween,’ Kyouya thought, scrunching his nose in half-disgust and half-amusement, ‘is remarkably overrated.’’ In which there is Victorian dress, Nekozawa is defeated by a greater evil, Tamaki turns grey, and Kyouya is amused.

With his very proper ex-lover coming over for a visit, Roger has a mere three days to turn the top three children in Wammy's House into perfect gentlemen. But Mello, Matt, and Near don't take kindly to the idea, and L certainly isn't helping.

Wammy's. Near finds that Matt and Mello share... just about everything.

Two years ago, L left Raito without a word. Now's he back. What does he want? AU LxRaito. Warning: Genderswitch. Complete.

Light and L overhear an interesting discussion between the rest of the task force. LxLight, oneshot.

‘Marry, Kiss or Push off a Cliff?’ Who do you choose Haruhi?

Kyoya attempts to offer Haruhi a job. Haruhi attempts to reject it. But it's not just a job he's offering, if she'd only listen. Kyoya/Haruhi

Money and power can't always buy you everything. But Kyoya learns that it does still help to get what you want. KyoHaru, AU oneshot

Pike discovers an unlikely new candidate for Command Training. First published in Masiform D #14, in 1984.

AU What if Harry knew he was a wizard and about the prophecy before he went to Hogwarts? What if he was kicked out of the Dursleys and decided to attend Hogwarts disguised as a muggleborn? Harry Ginny

Post ep for The Deadly Years. Remember when McCoy said that Spock's dose of serum had to be more potent? Basically, this is me being mad at Kirk for throwing Spock out of his quarters. Jerk.

It's October 31. Near decides to throw a little Halloween party in honor of L's birthday. Things begin to get a little scary for Halle and Gevanni, though.

The Host Club weeds a garden. Tamaki thinks. Kyouya is shirtless. KyouyaTamaki, oneshot.

Haruhi, Tamaki, and what the club thinks of them. I don't own Ouran

I don’t want to hurt you, but you forced me to. And now…look. See what you did? How the heck do we explain to Okaasan! Oh yeah, thank you so much for forgiving me, Hikaru. It was so fun to manipulate you. :3 [HikaxKao FLUFF ONESHOT]

Harry was sorted into Slytherin. Five years later, members of the Order of the Phoenix come to collect him from Privet Drive. The Boy Who Lived isn't quite who they expected. Warning: female Blaise.

For the life of me, I never thought hitting on Near with cheesy pick up lines that never work would have such an effect. Matt x Near oneshot

When Misa made out with Ryuuzaki in the hallway for two minutes and fiftyfour seconds, it wasn’t because she was in love with him.

Complete: Haruhi is a young lawyer specializing in contract law. The firm she works for is bought out by a larger company, and with the buy out comes the reintroduction of members of the host club into her life.

While Jim found his footing in the first month, Spock was at his side, unobtrusive and steady. Jim did not notice, please R and R!

Hikaru and Kaoru are bored, so they make a bet with Haruhi. Alas, their plan comes out with an unexpected outcome [ONESHOT]

The twins teach Haruhi a new phrase in French. Naturally, this results in Tamaki freaking out. [Sort of HaruhixTwins, but not really.]

Tamaki takes a magazine quiz about true love. A conversation between Tamaki and Kyouya ensues. VeryCute!Tamaki alert. Innocently TK, oneshot

Haruhi starts getting strange flower deliveries at her house. She has absolutely no urge to figure out who the sender is, but with her father's, er, support, she discovers something unexpected. KyouxHaru

Halle never thought of herself as a puzzle person. There was, however, one puzzle which she could not bring herself to leave unfinished. SPK and Near Fic. PostChapter 107. Entire Series Spoilers. Oneshot. Rated T for social drinking and mild language.

Neither does Mommy, for that matter. Only the twins know what's going on when the host club learns that Haruhi's been seeing someone. Or do they? Has she? HaruhixHosts

Haruhi gets a panic attack at school and hides in the restroom. Unfortunately, it's the coldest member of the host club who has to comfort her. KyouyaxHaruhi

Some advice: The way forward is sometimes the way back. Take nothing for granted. Look before you leap. Things aren't always what they seem. Remember, Faeries bite. And most of all, be careful what you wish for... JxS. Now Complete.

Hikaru's response to a simple question from Haruhi. Drabbleish. [Implied twincest]

“…Lightkun is interesting, Yagamisan.” And what the hell is that supposed to mean? L and Soichiro and a brief conversation.

[AU] Timetravel. Dumbledore had it all wrong.

Ever wonder what is written in there? Tamaki does.

Sometimes Kaoru can't tell how much of Hikaru's worry is real and how much is for show. The difference between physical and emotional pain is that physical pain is easy to get rid of.

Gift to krazi little aus. AU. James survived that tragic night and is very overprotective of his only son. Not to mention obsessive, compulsive and extremely paranoid. Poor Harry.

AU of PoA, Slytherin!Harry. Harry struggles to rebuild himself after the shattering events of his second year. He will finally learn the truths he needs to know...but they're hardly going to be pleasant ones. COMPLETE

AU of CoS, Slytherin!Harry. Harry goes back to Hogwarts, determined to protect his brother Connor, the BoyWhoLived, and stay in the shadows. But last year two people learned the truth about Harry... and this year, two more will. COMPLETE

On the eve of Kirk's new command, Spock bids farewell to one CMO, and meets if not welcomes another.

AU, eventual HPDM slash, very Slytherin!Harry. Harry's twin Connor is the Boy Who Lived, and Harry is devoted to protecting him by making himself look ordinary. But certain people won't let Harry stay in the shadows... COMPLETE

Spock has to deal with some of his new Captain's ways.

McCoy's first day on the Enterprise doesn't go quite as well as he'd hoped SpockMcCoy pre-slash

AU third year. I must have a sign on my back that says psycho paths please attack me. I would not put it beyond Dudley to afix such a sign to me, but I doubt he could spell it accurately enough for a psycho to understand.

Complete! Draco hits his head and wakes up in a world where he's a Gryffindor and Harry is a Slytherin.