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 Author has written 9 stories for Harry Potter, and Night World series. Hey, I'm NightTeen14161821 i am diagnosed with lazy author syndrome and the inability to not go a week with out getting in trouble and possibly grounded. NightTeen's canon HP world Lily Luna and Albus Severus are twins and both have green eyes. Lily L and Teddy are meant to be just like Lily and James (and for the James haters it is a good thing to be in love like Lily and James are, they compliment each other perfectly and are the embodiment of true love except for the time of 'hating' James). Lily L is exactly like Lily 1 in looks and traits but except for a disregard for rules, she is not like Ginny. Lily 1 and James had their disagreements but Lily 1 is a great prankster and the marauders and had a fair share of prank wars h her. Blaise Zabini is not a less blond version of Malfoy. more will be added once i reveal the secrets in my reading the books story. Likes favorite color: purple or red gender: female b-day: Sept. 6 where i live: America favorite bands: paramour, Tegan and Sara, Paramore The Beatles , One Republic, The Fray, Train favorite movies: nightmare before Christmas, 2012, avatar, West Side Story, Harry Potter, Ghost Writer, among others favorite books: mortal instrument series, night World series, inheritance cycle, my sister's keeper, change of heart, The Hollow, and many others Favorite shows: NCIS, monk, psych, house, in plain sight, Bewitched, I Love Lucy, I Dream of Genie, Bones Quotes and Funny sayings if you don't like the way i drive, stay of the sidewalk. im going to sit back and laugh when karma punches you in the face life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger. When we were little, Why were we so scared of our parents counting to three? paper beats rock? ok, i'll throw a rock at you and you defend yourself with paper Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Whoever said SUNSHINE brings HAPPINESS ; Has never DANCED in the RAIN =D Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping! Blondes may have more fun but brunettes remember it the next day. When everything else fails, look cute. Bad spellers of the world UNTIE I am a bomb technician, if you see me running, try to keep up!! I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me. When nothing goes right, go left. For the record most stories on my favorites list do not in any way agree with my opinions on some pairings and i don't condone other stuff, like cheating, incest or other stuff. ATTENTION it has come to my notice that apparently what i write or rant about in my profile is at odds with the stories in my favorite list, thank you for pointing this out, i hadn't noticed. Yes i have an on again off again hatred of twilight, but it is mostly the actual books and movies that i hate. I am actually quite fond off the concept, except for sparkling vampires, i know she needed to give them a reason not to go out in the sun but seriously, sparkles... dude how does that even make sense? Anyways, to clear up any discrepancies. Half the stories on my favorites are just ones i am planning on reading or want to keep tabs on to see how they play out a good percentage of them i really don't like that much(no offense to any writers truly, i don't put them in my list unless i like the writer and sometimes i just am not a big fan of the plot or there is too much lemon). (\_/) This is Bunny. Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies.) On the other hand, this is Kitty. ／l、 Kitty is Bunny's nemesis. Or evil accomplice. Nobody really knows. Either way, copy and paste Kitty as well, or Bunny will get lonely! The clock is ticking for everyone, so screw caution and normal who knows you might just die tomorrow, i for one would like to die doing what i want Beware! For my place of employment has given me a NEW weapon...THE BUBBLE WRAP! 'I wished upon a falling star to make me stronger. It came true because the next day I was able to stand while watching you walk away.' Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils" If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing Two wrongs may not make a right, but three rights make a left. I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it. The worst time to have a heart attack is when you’re playing charades. No one will believe you. I’m not sleeping. I’m just looking at the insides of my eyelids Hear no evil. See no evil. Make some evil There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... Tu madre! Yes, you just got burned in Spanish. Would you like some ice for that Spanish burn? Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then! I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? I am a fruit-loop in a world full of Cheerios. You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. after a year in therapy my psychiatrist said "maybe life isn't for everyone" I smile because I have no idea what's going on! We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love. Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do? Directions to Llama-land: heads or tails? heads: your mine, tails: im yours When the world is ending, I'm throwing the party! if payback's a bitch and revenge is sweet then im the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet i know you're probably thinking...OH NO SHE DIDN'T! but i just totally did ;D All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned." They say greener grass on the other side but its probably just artificial turf. Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for "A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking" "A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." "A word to the wise isn't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." "I can resist everything except temptation." "Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?" "I forgot to remember." "Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." "As I said before I never repeat myself" "Silence is golden but Duct tape is silver" I see dumb people. Tiny unicorns goring his bronchial tubes would be cooler. I intend to live forever...so far so good! Do vegetarians eat animals crackers? Of course I'm talking to myself...who else can I trust? Hug a tree: they have less issues than people. Dear Santa, If you leave a bike under the tree I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk. Timmy If you are a Vampire Addict, Copy and Paste this to your Profile If you can't stand stupid girls, Copy and Paste this to your profile(they are so annoying) If you LOVE JEZ REDFERN, copy and paste this to your profile If you almost cried when Jez got staked, copy and paste this to profile ( LJ was genius to do that. such suspence!) If you think Ash Redfern is Better then Jasper Hale, Copy and Paste this to your Profile(Hell Yeah!) If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you think John Quinn is Better than Jacob Black, Copy and Paste this to your Profile(no contest) If you think Rashel Jordan is Better than Alice Cullen, Copy and Paste this to your Profile(Rashel Rocks!) If you think that Iliana Dominick could beat Rosalie Hales beauty by a mile, Copy and paste this to your Profile(And way less shallow) If you think Twilight is getting way to famous, copy and paste this to your profile(seriously people there is a point when it is just TOO MUCH!) If you think LJ smith deserves More credit for her Awesome work, copy and paste this to your profile(i mean twilight is way worse) If you know who the hell i'm talking about, copy and paste this to your profile ( lol you will never know) If you want fan girls to SHUT UP AND REALIZE EDWARD CULLEN IS NOT REAL AND STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR, copy and paste this to your profile(he sparkles and he is not that handsome dude) IF you think Elena Gilbert looks a heck lot like Bella in The Vampire Diaries coming to CN this september, Copy and Paste this to your profile(i mean come on get your characters straight) If you Can't wait for Strange Fate, Copy and paste this to your profile(we have been waiting too long! post if you agree too) If your one of those people who can literally stay on the computer for hours on in if only you weren't forced to get off, then copy and paste this on your profile.(i have to be dragged away and i still get back on soon) If you want little kids to stop screaming about Twilight every 2 minutes, copy and paste this to your profile If you thing RashelX Quinn is better than AliceXjasper, Copy and Paste this to your Profile(Yes Way!) If you think HannahXThierry is better than RosalieXEmmett, Copy and paste this to your profile(but of course) If you think Night World Vampires are better than uh..Twilight ones, Copy and paste this to your profile(i mean vampires that SPARKLE, get real) 696 I'm evil, and twisted. If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable. lol; the perfect thing to type when there's nothing else to say. It's funnier now that I get it. He said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you don't have anything to put in it. Will eat for food. By the time you read this, you've already read it. This is Bob. (o.o) Practice safe lunch: use condiments. We're all gonna die, but I got a helmet. They don't know that we know they know we know. When life gives you lemons, keep them. 'Cause, hey, free lemons. I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. I don't understand white crayons. Why are they here? What do they want from us? What would happen if you put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room? Please don't throw your cigerate butts on the floor. The cockroaches are getting cancer. Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more. The guy may wear the pants in a relationship, but the girl controls the zipper. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful... Please, keep talking! I always yawn when I'm interested! 10 reasons to procrastinate: 1. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the titanic. CAUTION: Highly Awesome. Keep away from all UNAWESOME material. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles." Everyone's unique in their own unique way. Therefore, being unique is not all that unique... All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Common sense is not so common. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? He would make a lovely corpse. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY FRUIT LOOPS. Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the heck is drinking my dang soda. ThInGs To PoNdEr: Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? So what's the speed of dark? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station... If quitters never win and winners never quit- what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Why is round pizza in a square box? Why do people say that they slept like a baby when babies sleep for only two hours? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile( it is so sweet!) If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile If this doesn't touch you; you're heartless. This is so sad! One night a guy and a girl were driving home from the movies.The girl asked the guy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed & that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached into his pocket & passed her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the drivers seat, killing the boy. Miraculously the girl survived.Remembering the note,she pulled it out & read it, it said,"Without your love, I would die".(aaawwww!! you are heartless and have no soul if you do not feel for them) a real boyfriend Kiss her When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you Grab her and dont let go When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff Kiss her and tell her you love her When she's quiet Ask her whats wrong When she ignores you Give her your attention When she pulls away Pull her back When you see her at her worst Tell her she's beautiful When you see her start crying Just hold her and dont say a word When you see her walking Sneak up and hug her waist from behind When she's scared Protect her When she steals your favorite hat Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night When she teases you Tease her back and make her laugh When she doesn't answer for a long time reassure her that everything is okay When she looks at you with doubt Back yourself up When she says that she likes you SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN YOU COULD UNDERSTAND! When she grabs at your hands Hold her's and play with her fingers When she bumps into you; bump into her back and make her laugh When she tells you a secret keep it safe and untold When she looks at you in your eyes dont look away until she does When she says it's over she still wants you to be hers When she reposts this bulletin she wants you to read it - Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything. - When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go - When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her - because 10 yrs later she'll remember you - Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her - Treat her like she's all that matters to you. - Stay up all night with her when she's sick. - Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid. - Give her the world. - Let her wear your clothes. - When she's bored and sad, hang out with her. - Let her know she's important. - Kiss her in the pouring rain. If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : Call you. Kiss you. Love you. Text you. Guys post as: "I'd be this Boyfriend." Girls post as: "A real Boyfriend."(definitely a real boyfriend!) You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Don't worry about the world ending today! It's already tomorrow in Australia! Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect to get it back. "It's always in the last place you look." Well, duh! If you already found it, why would you keep looking? Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon! Don't help old ladies across the street. Leave 'em in the middle! Whose cruel idea was it for "lisp" to have an 's' in it? "Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you'd want to watch out for!" If I throw a stick, will you go away? If you die on an elevator, make sure you press the up button. We're tighter than a fat guy in spandex! Boy are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable! Good friends say you can do better, but Best friends call him and say, "Seven days.." Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run; he hates that. Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door. Failure isn't an option; it's pretty much a certainty. We can't all be heroes. Someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. Have you ever noticed that the words in therapist are actually The-rapist? "Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God." You Might Be a Blond If... You tried to drown a fish. Someone told you your cellphone died, so you buried it. You look for something, only to realize it was in your hand the whole time.(damn, i must have blond roots) You have complete faith in a doctor whose office plants have died. You locked yourself in your own car. You can't fix your brakes, so you make the horn louder instead. You gave an ADHD kid markers. You accidentally drowned because there was a scratch & sniff at the bottom of a pool. You call someone to for help because your T.V. isn't working, only you realize it wasn't plugged up in the first place What to say if a guy actually uses these pickup lines Man: Where have you been all my life? Women: Any where you aren't. Man: Haven't I seen you some place before? Women: Yes, that's why I stopped going there. Man: Your place or mine? Women: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign? Women: Do not enter. Man: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and so will this one if you sit in it. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'u' and 'i' together. Women: I'd put 'f' and 'u' together. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: Hey, babe Women:" me no speaky englesh" then turn around back to your friend and Women: "So as I was saying" Man:Do you have a map because i just got lost in your eyes Women: Do you have a barf bag because I just looked into yours The Difference Between Friends & Best Friends Friends ask before they take food. Best friends take food right off your plate. Friends try to bail you out of jail. Best friends are sitting right next to you, saying, "Let's do it again!" Friends bring you a tissue to dry your tears. Best friends have a shovel ready to bury the asshole who did this to you. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. "When life hands you The Jonas Brothers, throw them back and yell... I WANT JOHN QUINN!" 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Hey i'm REALLY sorry but i'm REALLY scared of these so...yea.( warning do not read if you don't want to be scared) there were 3girls They were looking through peoples The girl slowly came upon this one It had creatures in the background and the man She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was. Right then, an instant message came up. It said: SatanStalker: So how do u like my XxLoVemExX: What?? XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway?? SatanStalker: Well, you should know; XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro?? SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace. XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make SatanStalker: I just do. Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you. Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say. At the time the girl was wearing high She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me. SatanStalker: You should be afraid. SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you They were in shock. Her friend: Holy crap man just block him The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes SatanStalker: I am. SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really XxLoVemExX: What? My house? SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out. SatanStalker: Your screen name says SatanStalker has just signed off. The girl and her friend were really friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone. They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight. All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok. Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was She goes and knocks but no one said she opens it and finds her friend there on her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head. If you do not repost this in the next two one in your room, and one killing your parents at that Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for? Repost or you are going to die. Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, dannychic2006, Starfire the Dragon, Moonlight Music Mistress, Kannika, Midnight's Maiden62,SweetXcandyX, NightTeen14161821 If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, Vert9411, pinkcherryblossom225CherryBlossoms016, SakuraUchiha14,Sakura-Cherry-Blossom-Chan, Moonlight Music Mistress, Kannika, Midnight's Maiden62,SweetXcandyXNightTeen14161821 98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile If you actually take the time to read other peoples profiles, copy this to yours. If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile. If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your p Did you know... Try Not To Cry: read this poem: mommy...johnny brought a gun to school he told his friends that it was cool and when he pulled the trigger back, it shot with a great, huge crack. mommy i was a good girl i did what i was told, i went to school, i got straight A's i even got the gold! when i went to school that day, i never said good bye. i'm sorry that i had to go, but mommy please dont cry, when johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another. And all because johnny got the gun from his brother. mommy, please daddy: that i love him very much, And please tell Zack my boyfriend that it wasnt just a crush. And tell my little sister; that she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; i'll be waiting for her now. And tell my wonderful friends; that they're always the best. mommy; i'm not the first, i'm not better than the rest. mommy tell my teachers; i wont show up for class, And never forget this, And please dont let this pass. mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one though deserves this. but mommy it's not fair i left without a kiss. And mommy tell the doctors i know they really did try. i think i even saw one doctors trying not to cry. mommy i'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest, But mommy please remember i'm in heaven with the rest. when i heard that great big crack i ran as fast as i could, please listen to me if you would. i wanted to go to collage, i wanted to try things that were new. i guess i'm not going with daddy, on that trip to the new zoo. i wanted to get married i wanted to have kids. i wanted to be an actress, i really wanted to live. But mommy i must go now, the time is getting late. mommy, tell my Zack, i'm sorry to cancel the date. I love you mommy i always have, i know you know it's true. And mommy all i need to say is "mommy i love you" that always makes me sad... in memory of the cloumbine & virginia tech students who were lost: please if you would, dont smash this on the ground. if you pass this on, maybe people will cry, just keep this in your heart, for the people who didnt get to say 'goodbye' now you have two choices, 1) pass this on and show people you care, repost as 'try not to cry' 2) dont send it and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are... Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. Before you take the life of your baby, really consider all your options. Would you rather be fat for a while, or kill your child? If you're against abortion, re-post this If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that that god-forsaken idiot Trix rabbit should just go and buy his OWN Trix instead of stalking little kids like a pedophile post this on your profile. If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. If you know someone who needs to get run over, copy this into your profile. If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile! Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight or stairs. I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face. Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination. AV is Addicted to Vampires I WANT A GUY... who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me, hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. Someone who would sing to me at random moments. Who would let me sleep on his chest. A BOY who would get mad at someone if they called me UGLY or were mean to me. I want someone who would call me 3 times a day if he went away. Someone who would let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I said. He would throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then KISS ME A MILLION TIMES. Someone who would make fun of me just to make me laugh. He would take me to the park and put his hands around my waist and give me big bearhugs all the time. He would tell all his friends about me and SMILE when he did. And we'd make out in the pouring rain. He would never be afraid to say "I love you" in front of his friends, and we'd argue about silly things and then make up. I want a boy who would kiss me at midnight on New Years and COUNT STARS with me. Who would stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who would tell me I'm beauiful but not too often, who would make me laugh like NO ONE else could. But mostly, I want someone who would be my best friend and would never BREAK MY HEART -Jg Rox's story I want I'm bored... If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this to your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. 98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol... put this in your profile if you like bagels. If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profile If you copy and paste stuff onto your profile just because you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity 92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile. This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile. If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile. If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. I don't run on COFFEE...I run on MUSIC (o) WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think Twilight is getting way to famous, copy and paste this to your profile (OMG its EVERYWHERE!) If you want fan girls to SHUT UP AND REALIZE EDWARD CULLEN IS NOT REAL AND STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR, copy and paste this to your profile If you think Night World Vampires are better than uh..Twilight ones, Copy and paste this to your profile (THE REDFERNS ARE DA BOMB!) If you want little kids to stop screaming about Twilight every 2 minutes, copy and paste this to your profile (they never shut up!) If you truely believe, there is a John Quinn or Ash Redfern or James Rasmussen or Morgead Blackthorn somewhere for you (doesn't mean his name has to be the same) copy this into your profile. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that has stayed loyal to either rock or metal, put this in your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile If you are addicted to vampires and/or werewolves and would like to be one, copy and paste. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that has stayed loyal to either rock or metal, put this in your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile If you are addicted to vampires and/or werewolves and would like to be one, copy and paste. If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile. If you have ever talked back to the tv, copy and paste this into your profile! 98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile. Love vs. Sex A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit She ended up staying longer than As she walked along under the tall elm When she reached the alley, which was a However, halfway down the alley she She became uneasy and began to pray, Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness When she reached the end of the alley, The following day, she read in the Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and Thanking the Lord for her safety and to She felt she could recognize the man, so The police asked her if she would be She agreed and immediately pointed out When the man was told he had been The officer thanked Diane for her bravery She asked if they would ask the man one Diane was curious as to why he had not When the policeman asked him, he Amazingly, whether you believe or not, Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly Her name was Auroura Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad If your against child abuse then repost this on your profile. If you don't then you have no soul!! I went to a party, Mom I felt proud of myself, I made a healthy choice, I got into my car, Now Im lying on the pavement, My own bloods all around me, Im sure the guy had no idea, So why do people do it, Mom Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom Someone should have taught him, My breath is getting shorter, Mom I wish that you could hold me Mom, one message: dont drink and drive! A poem I am passing on about child abuse, I hope you pass it on too. My name is Tiffany, I am three, My eyes are swollen, I cannot see, I must be stupid, I must be bad, What else could have made, My daddy so mad? I wish I were better, I wish I weren’t ugly, Then maybe my mommy, Would still want to hug me, I can’t do a wrong, I can’t speak at all, Or else im locked up, All day long, When im awake im all alone, The house is dark, My folks aren’t home, When my mommy does come home, I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll just get, One whipping tonight, I just heard a car, My daddy is back, From Charlie’s bar, I hear him curse, My name is called, I press myself, Against the wall, I try to hide, From his evil eyes, I’m so afraid now, I’m starting to cry, He finds me weeping, Calls me ugly words, He says its my fault, He suffers at work, He slaps and hits me, And yells at me more, I finally get free, And run to the door, He’s already locked it, And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me, Against the hard wall, I fall to the floor, With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken, "I’m sorry!", I scream, But its now much to late, His face has been twisted, Into a unimaginable shape, The hurt and the pain, Again and again, O please God, have mercy! O please let it end! And he finally stops, and heads for the door, While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor, My name is tiffany, I am three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me, And you can help to stop this for others. And if you read this and don’t pass it on I pray for your forgiveness because you would have to be One heartless person to not be effected By this poem and because you are effected, Do something about it! So all I ask you to do Is pass this on! If you are against child abuse. Girls Find the Guy Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, who holds your hand in front of all his friends, who thinks your beautiful without makeup one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER! If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you can read that please put it in your profile. .••) .•).•.•) .•) Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?" Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground. The worst thing you could get from the opposite sex was cooties. Mom and dad were your heroes. Five dollars seemed like a million. Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over". Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were who ran the fastest. War was a card game. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly. The only drug you knew of was cough medicine and wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut. Kool-Aid was the drink of choice and the only thing you smoked were the tires of your bike. The only thing that hurt was skinned knees and the only things that could get broken were your toys. Life was simple and carefree, but what I remember the most was wanting to grow up. If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over a pillow, copy this into your profile. If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile Copy and paste this into your profile if you and your BFFs watch movies just to laugh at them and make fun of them. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer! If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a total clutz copy this into your profile. If you have ever tripped when there was a "watch your step" sign copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile. ılı.--Volume--.ılı.: Min- - - - - - - - - - -Max IF YOU HAVE SPELLED YOUR NAME WRONG PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you enjoy things that ask you to copy and paste them into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile (Other than me? Hahaha) If, during a quiet moment, you suddenly remember something funny and randomly bust out laughing, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think air is a solid because you continously trip over it, copy and paste this into your profile. My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this into your profile. AV is Addicted to Vampires WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profile If you copy and paste stuff onto your profile just because you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! .s_s _ If you're a girl and you've ever You wished A) Jasper B) James C) Quinn was your Boy Friend then copy this onto your profile How do you know you are addicted to Vampires ( not only from Twilight) When you see blood you think of Jasper sucking it When you see a dog you think of Jacob when you hear the word or see a Lama you think if Lamia Vampires When you see or hear about James Deen you think about James Russleman( is that how u spell it?) When ppl ask you what super power you want you say Vampire or you say all the things a vampire can do ex: vampire speed Night World Survey (lol i just used the Twilight one and made it into this xD)- copied from SweetXcandyX Which book in the series is your favorite? The Chosen Who introduced you to the books? No one really. just browsing the bookstore Did you buy them, borrow them, or recieve them as a gift? Buy. I have a thing for rereading books that are awesome. Favorite human? Rashel Jordan Favorite vampire? Ash Redfern and John Quinn (no duh) Favorite werewolf? Lupe(obviously since there is really only two) What's one of your favorite quotes from the story? What was your favorite Hannah/Thierry moment? When Hannah stuck her finger in his mouth xD What was your favorite Rashel/Quinn moment? When They meet again in that room What was your favorite Ash/Mary-Lynnette moment? When she kicked him, i just burst out laughing, the great Ash Redfern felled by a human kicking his shin! lol Which book cover was your favorite? the one with jaz and morgead on the cover(the old one) Who do like more: Quinn or Galen QUINN!! Thea or Blaise? Blaise Hannah or Rashel? RASHEL!! Keller or Iliana? Keller Gillian or Jez? Jez Iliana or Twilight's Rosalie? Illiana, can barely stand Rosalie Sylvia or Alice? Sylvia, pretty cool and i just can't pick a twilight vampire over an nightworld one Esme or Maggie? Maggie Mary-Lynnette or Rashel? both Shapeshifters or Vampires or Witches All, but mostly vampire Your a book-aholic if... You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. You write fanfictions about the book. You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else in the entire world) to read it. Everything reminds you of the book. You quote random lines all the time. You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. (like, um, magic powers, or taking a Fangish vow of silence, or trying to break Nudge's talking record) You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class You've read a book more than five times. You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. You've planned and prepared a seige on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional (e.g. Too bad Caine is fictional) You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.(Who wouldn't??) You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character. Your idol is a character from a book. "don't question it, just live it and love it" For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you draw Edward's face and hot bod all over your Advanced Placement United States History notes when you should be concentrating on the APUSH final the next day.Crazy is when you run into a pole and say as your excuse you were daydreaming about your fictionl boyfriend Edward. Crazy is screaming everytime you hear the name Edward because you think Jacob is 10 times better. HAHA! -laughs at Edward fangirls- --That's Crazy, too. Crazy is when you're not paying attention when the teacher is rambling and you think of something funny from the other day that you don't realize is funny til that moment and you burst into hysterical laughter and the entire class turns around and stares at you and you look the other way and pretend you don't notice. Crazy is when you star in your own movie and pretend to be an assassin... multiple times. Crazy is when you sometimes cheer for the bad guys, cause you feel sorry they never win. Crazy is when you hold a pool noodle above your head, sway it back and forth, yell 'mutant carrots' at the top of your lungs, and jump into the lake, not caring who is watching. Crazy is when you think Iggy is awesomer than Fang. Crazy is the state of mind sensible teens are in. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list! I'm only half evil. The other half is insane. I'm such a genious. (Only good spellers will get the joke) If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on the table and/or hit your head on a shelf for no reason, put this in your profile. If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews, add this to your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, put this in your profile. If there are characters on a certain show (no need to mention names) that you HATE BEYOND ALL REASON... copy and paste this into your profile. If at first you don't succeed, DON'T try skydiving. A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands. On a king size mattress: Warning, do not attempt to swallow. An answering machine:"Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished." Another answering machine:"Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak My favourite answering machine: Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message Yet another answering machine: Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner. Famous last words: No, these windows are fine to lean on. I can pass this guy Don't worry, the airbags work fine So, you're a murderer. Who's your next victim? This bomb was supposed to explode when I pushed the butto- BOOM! Which wire was I supposed to cut? I wonder where the mother bear is. I've seen this done on TV. These are the good kind of mushrooms. . This doesn't taste right. I can make this light before it changes I believe I can fly! Why won't the gun fire?Said while looking down the barrel and repeatedly pushing trigger LOL. I love those jokes. yesterdays tomorrow is today. Fun things to do on an Elevator: If you absolutely hate the Twilight movies and think they were horrible compared to the book and you just don't think Robert Pattinson is that hot so would you fangirls stop screaming in my ears...post this on your profile. Fake friends borrow your stuff and then give it back Fake friends will bail you out of jail and tell you what you did wrong Fake friends will leave you behind if thats what the crowd is doing Fake friends have never seen you cry FAKE friends borrow your umbrella Fake friends will just scrol past this What a girl wants i want a guy who i can run up to with my hair in a mess and in ratty clothes and tells me i'm beautiful Guy: thats random as Shit it's ironic for the first part of our lives our parents teach us to walk and talk One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask directions. i have the kinda friends that if my house was on fire they would be roasting marshmallows and hitting on the firemen i dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without the motives being questioned i kissed a vampire and i liked it dont worry about the people in your past theres a reason my friends are the knda peole who will spend hours it's ironic that the word bullshit has the same amount of letters as i'm the author of my own life yesterday is history homework kills trees friends are like bras sarcasm; my anti drug. OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird! let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook. yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid. warning: im sarcastic and i hurt peoples feeling sometimes, boo hoo. get over it.! i speak fluent sarcasm. Funny isn't it! Forever isn't as long as it use to be. There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... i have the type of friends that when a well known song comes on in a movie we all burst out singing Odd conversation (Not mine) Paula:I'm on an exercise bike Aran: So are you good friends Jessie: i bet world war two wouldnt of happened if hitler has blonde who names their calculators Me: Cecil died Quotes Mortal Instruments Series by Cassandra Clare (An angel statue has a sign that says "1234, NEPHILIM: FACILIS DESCENSUS AVERNI") Clary: "It's so... dark." Clary: "So what's with the 'hey' thing?" Dorothea: "Didn't I read your tea leaves, Shadowhunter? Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?" Isabelle: "Wait. What did you say that name was? The one in Clary's head." Alec: "There she is." (waves Isabelle over) "Over here. Watch out for the phouka." Simon: "I, for one, am enjoying myself immensely." Alec: "What's this?" (Looks from Clary to Jace and Isabelle) Jace: “Are you still mad?” Alec: “How do you manage never to get mud on you?” Simon: “Rule number one of anime: Never screw with a blind monk.” Simon: “I’m tired of this anime. I can’t tell what the plot is and no one ever has sex.” Jace: “I take it that you don’t serve Silver Bullet here. Too many bad associations?” Luke: “He’s not in a very good mood. I shut him up in Freaky Pete’s office after he nearly killed half my pack with his bare hands. He wouldn’t talk to me, so I thought of you.” (Looks at Clary’s and Simon’s baffled expressions) “What?” Jace: “I don’t want to be a man. I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can’t confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.” If you are against stereotypes, copy and paste what is below, and what you are put in bold... I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm Irish so I MUST have a drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist Copy and Paste it and bold everything that applies to you. STOP STEREOTYPING!! IT HURTS. Odd Sayings (not me) Jessie: My God Veronica Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds" 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!! If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? You're intoxocated by my very presence Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! I smile because I have no idea what's going on! Life was so simple when boys had cooties I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. I don't suffer from insanity,... I enjoy every minute of it They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God! When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth I've got A.D.H.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have! Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. You call me a Bitch well a Bitch is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment :D Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that. Your weirdness is creeping the voices in my head out. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, off the occasional cliff and into sliding glass doors. I’m not afraid of Death, what’s he gonna do kill me? It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it? Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round! Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional... If two wrongs don't make a right, try three I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves. One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise And ran to save the two dead boys. And if you don't believe it's true, Go ask the blind man, he saw it too. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL Forever isn't as long as it use to be. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor Your eyebrows are as beautiful as an enormus caterpillar. When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN" I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey! P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy. -BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom. -Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS -BE nice to losers. one day they might be cool! - There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. -Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - - What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'I need tampons!' - "Flying is simple. You just throw yoursef at the ground and miss." - Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. - You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. - if you don't ask no one can say no - A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. - The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. - He who laughs last didn't get it. - When there's a will, I want to be in it. -Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. -The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. - When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. -Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. - Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. - If trying fails cover up all evidence that you tried 25 Reasons to Thank my Mother: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you". To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 95 of all teens would go into a panic if the Jonas brothers were on a 100 foot building about to jump. copy and paste this if you are one of the 5 who brought popcorn and invited friends while yelling "JUMP BITCH JUMP!! !! 93 of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak, i'm one of the 7 that said "What was your first clue?" In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar o f Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up. there are three kinds of people in this world, ones who can count, and ones who can't They laugh because we're losers... A brunnett was walking back and forth from her house to her mail box. She made the trip over and over again. Finally her neighbor asked her what she was doing. She replied "My computer keeps telling me I have mail!" The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass? JOKE: Okay so There were 3 guys trapped on a deserted island. They find a lamp and a genie comes out. He says they each get one wish. The first one says, I wish there was a bridge away from this place and be destroyed after im gone. Poof there was the bridge and his wish was gone. The second one says, I wish that I would be teleported back home. Poof he is gone and now back home. He third guy thought long and hard for a wish. Then he started to get loney so he says, Man I wish those guys were back here! There was a man who was rich, staying at a really nice hotel. One day when he was walking home from work, there were three girls from seven to fifteen telling people that they would do anything for them to get paid. They were clearly poor and had no where to stay. The man asked them if they would do anything for him if he paid them twenty dollars each and the girls agreed. He gave his hotel card to the three girls and told them to go to his room and he would be there soon. While the girls went, he went out to buy buckets of ice cream and candy and movies for them to watch. He went back and the whole night he treated the girls to room service and sweets, playing games and watching movies. If you believe the man did the right thing and that there is good in everyone, copy and paste this into your profile Thing’s I’m not allowed to do at Hogwarts 1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”. 2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology”. 4. “I’ve heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge. 5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate. 6. I will not go to class skyclad. 7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”. 9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”. 10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not. 11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm in sharpie. 12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces. 9 REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile): 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too) 2. Meet the recruitment bunny! 3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body! 4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough! 5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy! 6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life. 7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys? 8. People are scared of you! It's brilliant, they give you stuff, and don't try to double cross you... and they give you free lollypops! 9. (Reason I joined) read reason #1... 'nuff said! 16 Ways to get detention at hogwarts A: Act like a complete idiot. B: Bake cookies C: Count nifflers D: Drowning Mrs Norris E: Earn money F: Free the pixies G: Go to the bathroom H: Hatch an egg I: Infuriate the Headmaster J: Join the festivities K: Kill the queen of the ducks L: Light up the world M: Marry a hippogriff N: Negotiate with the natives O: Open the door for strangers P: Pluck a chicken Not to be attempted at hogwarts 1. Do not appear to be in trouble. (No offense to Harry Potter, but if he gets that saving people craze and tries to save you, you might end up dead.) 2. Never, and I repeat NEVER teach Peeves how to use the internet. (Who knows what blackmail photos and materials he has on everybody.) 3. Do try not to upset Hagrid.( He gets these depressions that only Dumbledore can get him out of and with the old guy dead, well you can see the problem there.) 4. When in doubt, do not ask Trelawney.(If by know you don't know that you're gonna get you're death predicted to you, you so have a problem.) 5. Please just don't even touch nevermind destroy any book belonging to Hermione Granger. ( Unless you want to spend your time in counselling, just ask Ron what happens when you upset the girl.) 6. Speaking of Ron, at chess just lose against him. (He needs the confidence boost.) 7. When someone looks very surprised, it is not respectful to say "Dude you look like you've just seen Dumbledore and Mcgonagall skinny dipping!" (With your luck Minerva might just be behind you.) 8. Even though you really, really, really want to hex Gilderoy Lockhart, don't. (He does have a lot of fangirls and they might get revenge by killing you.) 9. I know it is tempting to ask Aberforth exactly what the story with the goat was, but you defiantly should'nt. (Lets just say some secrets are best left untold.) 10. Do not under any circumstances throw Mad-eye a surprise birthday party. (Lets just leave it there and move on.) 11. Telling someone that they'll be swimming with the merpeople if they cross you should not be considered. (It's most likely they that they won't even understand the threat unless they're muggleborn.) 12. Practice makes perfect is all well and good, but the teacher's prefer it if you don't practice your spells on them. ( Although Snape does make an interesting tea cozy.) 13. Admiring Cedric Diggory is acceptable, jumping him in the middle of the great hall during lunch for what you consider a much needed snogging session might be frowned upon. ( Especially if he doesn't know you and his girlfriend is sitting next to him.) 14. Doing the can-can on the Headmaster's table is not permitted. (Even if you feel that the portraits are bored and in need of a good show.) 15. You may not tell Severus Snape that he is in fact a sexy beast in the middle of a potions class, now what you do in your private time is none of my bussiness, but hell there's children reading this. ( That and it may cause Harry and Ron to puke or Snape to die of heart failure for being referred to as such.) 16. Riding a thestral in the school hallway dressed as a skelleton in a black cloak and claiming you are the Grim Reaper here for the ghost of Binns is not acceptable. ( Though he will most likely not notice and continue with the lesson.) 17. Halloween is not the annual " Set something lose in the school to kill Harry Potter day." ( Honestly it is just to long to remember.) 18. During detention with Umbridge you are not permitted to use her quill to write "Umbridge wears a pink thong." ( Thats just desturbing.) 19. Teasing Hermione about snogging a guy who has had slugs in his mouth is rude. ( I'm sure she's trying to forget about that herself when snogging him.) 20. Lastly, teaching Grawp how to play fetch is just plain stupid. ( He might end up dropping a tree on you!) 21. Filling Minerva's sleeping quarters with red roses and pink cards from Filch may cause her to be absent from her lessons due to developing a fear of running into Filch on her way to class. (On second thought that would mean a free period.) 22. Turning the school hallways into a winterwonderland of snow and claiming snow-days would be a waste of time. (Since wizards could vanish the snow, although snowboarding in the hallways before the snow is fanished would be a good form of entertainment.) 23. Sending the headmaster a nice pair of socks for Christmas is a nice gesture. (Sending along matching lingerie might have him draw the wrong conclusions.) 24. Writing to Walburga Black that her youngest son, Regulus, has just been sorted into Hufflepuff could cause her to be hospitalized due to a maniac episode. (Personally I don't know whether this is a good or bad thing.) 25. Sending Bellatrix Lestrange fanmail may cause a few Hogwarts students to try and murder you in your sleep. ( That or she might do it herself anyway, either way your srewed.) 26. While this may be helpful to do it is probably not polite to yell at the top of your lungs! Here Comes the Resident Stalker! Everytime Colin Crevey starts in with his hobby of taking photos of everything and everybody. (Thanx for this one by Fallen Angel) 27. Running to knock the trolls leg over everytime you see Tonks enter the room is not helpful. (It's just causes a lot of noise, and claiming that its too spare time is not an excuse.) 28. Telling people who seem to be a bit paranoid that they're most likely channeling Mad-eye and offering to make them an appointment with Trelawney's inner-eye is not a good idea. (One of these days one of those people will be channeling Mad-eye and hex you on the spot.) 29. While it may promote house unity it might not be a wise idea to wear a badge of this or any sort 'Slytherpuff and PROUD! 30. Spreading rumours about Harry and Gabrielle's love affair will make Ginny kill you in vicious and cruel ways. ( If these rumour's are in fact true you might have time to escape while she is killing her ex-boyfriend and sister-in law.) 31. Booking your students a room next to Lockharts in the spell damage ward is not a suitable punishment. (It may cause them to lose their sanity and then take out revenge on you with the help of a chainsaw.) 32. Turning your students into animals is only exceptable if said student is a cowardly idiot. (This said you should try not to get caught by other more responsable teachers.) 33. Being Headmaster or Headmistress of the school does not make it ok to go streaking through the halls and singing I am beautiful at the top of your lungs. (Exspecially in broad daylight right after students have had they're breakfast.) 34. Do not encourage the Ravenclaws to stand up for themselves and get others to support they're believes. (They may all look like innocent bookworms, but with more self confidence they might have the potention to rule the world!) 35. Teachers are to be an example for the students, therefore relationships with other teachers are not advised. (Plus seeing Flitwick and Mgonagall snogging would be akward and may cause permanent eye dammage.) 36. Acting like you are the best thing since self-inking quills will cause memmory charms to backfire on you. (A broken wand will be required.) 37. Understand that telling a child to not do something will result in him/her doing it. (Never tell the kids to not jump of the Astronomy Tower without a broom. They do not have any commens sense and you will end up with death of a minor on your record.) 38. Threatening the Weasley twins is not a good career move. (They will torment and annoy you until they graduate and then open a jokeshop so that other children can continue doing this.) 39. Raising dangerous animals at the school is defiantly a stupid thing to do. (It may love you, but its children will come back to bite you in the ass.) 40. Lastly, being a teacher is hard work, the disrespecting students, long working hours and many pranks that will be pulled on you. In the end though it is rewarding, you get to see children grow up to most likely srew up they're own lives. (For this I can only say, maybe you should change your profession.) 41. Food fughts are not encouraged. (Especially if Hagrids rock cakes are on the menu.) 42. Arguing with Luna is pointless. (Afterall she has the power of the crumple horned snorclack on her side.) 43. There does not exsist a class on the art of seduction. (And flirting with Filch is not for extra credit, mind you no one would do extra credit.) 44. Feeding the Giant squid food that gives him gass is a bad idea. (No matter how much you want the lake to be a jacuzzi) 45. The three D's of apparation does not stand for Doing Dirty Deeds. (Enough said.) 46. Telling your teachers that a hippogriff ate your homework is dumb. (Having said hipporgriff severely injure you will get you out of homework much longer.) 47. For boys- asking Professor Sprout for points o how to plant your seed is rude. (It may also get you a detention or a date with said teacher.) 48. Going around proclaiming your alligence to the powerful and Evil almighty destroyer of worlds, the one and only Helga Hufflepuff, will cause people to send you to a mentel institusion. (Again this is a good way to skip class, and I hear the food there is great!) 49. Asking your food for permission to eat it is wrong. (Just because its a magical world does not mean the food lives.) 50. Also, your classes are important so do try to pay attention. (Unless you have one of the following problems - boring teachers or lessons, gits for teachers or classmates, weird teachers who predict your death or will most likely get you killed and when the lesson actually require any work. In these circumstances you are allowed to ditch class and cause mayhem.) 51. Using first year gryffindors and slytherins as Christmas decorations will not be seen as getting into the spirit of things. (Even if they do look good hanging from the ceiling.) 52. Asking Lee Jordon what ever happened to the tarantula he had in first year is not advised. (Its a very sensitive issue.) 53. Using a timeturner to go back in time and go oon four different dates at ones is a very bad idea. (Your dates will find out and you will end up in a body cast!) 54. Chocolate should not be considered a form of bribary towards proffessor Lupin. (Don't forget he stil has that devious marauder mind.) 55. Using an appointment for tea with Aragog as an excuse to go into the forbidden forest will not be effective. (It will earn you a detention or a death threat from said Spider.) 56. Going around telling people that you are the reincarnation of Merlin will not count in your favour. (Unless you know very advanced magic, a few people will be out to kill you.) 57. Asking the ghosts for interesting new recipe's is an idiotic thing to do. (Their food sucks and it might be insulting towards them.) 58. Saying that Salazar Slytherin was a cute and cudley guy who only wanted to spread love in the world will have bad consiquences. (It may cause him to rise from the grave and destroy you.) 59. Joking about people's lame deaths is a terrible thing to do. (What if your death turns out to be the lamest of them all.) 60. Peeves has feelings that should be respected. (Making fun of him will cause your daily life to be disrupted and for you to never have another moment of peace... EVER AGAIN.) 61. Trying to prove that the Hogwarts motto is in fact wrong is a very idiotic idea! (Instead start by trying it out on Snape, his temper might match that of a dragon.) 62. Showing different fantasy books to magical creatures and insisting that they look wrong will have bad conclusions. (Some might get offended if their descriptions are uglier than they are.) 63. Showing up for your O.W.L.s covered in feathers and wearing a plastic beak will result in a failed grade. (Claiming that you didn't know the O.W.L. stood for ordinary wizarding level and simply thought this was some school play like in the muggle world, will not help the situation.) 64. Asking Hagrid if he's ever considered bringing the dinosours back from extinsion through magic might not be a wonderfull idea. (We don't want him protesting in front of the ministry, he might look crazy since its just a closed shop.) 65. Telling the Daily Prophet that you could give them the inside scoop and then proceding to send them ice cream scooped by the house-elves in Hogwarts will not be good for you. (You will maybe get sued!) 66. You should never use your potion cauldron to bath your cat. (Especially while your brewing a potion, it would be considered animal cruelty.) 67. The Herbology class is not the wild and you are not Dora the Explorer. (The plants ARE NOT cute little harmless flowers.) 68. Spreading rumours that you are now the proud father of four baby pixies will cause curious and disgusted looks from everyone. (Especially if you are female.) 69. Don't tell the security Trolls that teachers taste just like pudding. (It would cause an uproar and cause the staff to ask for pay raises.) 70. The last rule of all is to never under any circumstances break these rules! (Unless for pure enjoyment and if you are prepared to lie, cheat or blackmail you're way out of the punishment!) things each Harry Potter character should have done Ron Weasly He should have had his revenge for the teddy bear incident. He should have stood by Harry with the Triwizard Tournaments start He should have taken the healer who said he hadspattergroit's advice He should get over his jealousy and stop acting like a little light sided Malfoy. Hermione Granger She should have made a better first impression on Harry and Ron She should have done something when Malfoy called her a mudblood the first time She should have done more than just hit Malfoy in their third year She should have handled the S.P.E.W. thing differently She should never have made George Hugo's godfather Harry Potter He should have opened that letter in the kitchen He should have handled the Yule Ball better He should have realized Ginny is a celebrity crazy fan and doesn't and can't love the real him He should have asked Dumbledore an important question when he last saw him He should never have taught a two year old James how to fly a broom Albus Dumbledore He should never have told Harry that he wanted socks He should have not believed the prophecy He should not have locked Sirius up in Grimmauld Place He should have taught Harry oclumancy himself He should have gone out and killed voldie instead of making an innocent 17 year old become a murderer Ginny Weasely She should have known better than to trust that diary She should have used the information about love potions that she got from her mum's stories She should have taken revenge on Cho Chang She should have gotten over her pathetic celebrity crush She should never have named her son James Sirius Potter Minerva McGonagol She should never have left Harry at his aunt and uncle’s house She should have shown Delores Umbridge who the Top cat at Hogwarts is She should have handled Harry’s career choice interview differently She should have never let Hagrid get Fang as a pet She should have resigned ages ago HOMOPHOBIA IS STUPID!! I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday. THAT'S MESSED UP! IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG REPOST THIS. 51 ways to annoy Remus Lupin 1) Follow him around and keep asking the same stupid question no matter what answer he gives. 2) Follow him around chanting, “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Remus stole the cookie from the cookie jar!” 3) Give him nicknames that are unrelated to his real name. Ex: Paul. Joe. Han Solo. Teddy Bear. Freddie. 4) Ask loudly where babies come from. Keep asking him even if he claims he won’t tell you. 5) On the off chance he gets frustrated enough to tell you where babies come from (previously mentioned on number 4), look offended and claim he’s not taking you seriously. 6) Whenever he’s done saying something snigger and say, “Yeah, like well ever believe that!” very sarcastically. 7) Poke him at random moments, and don’t give him a straight answer as to why you are doing it, either. 8) Laugh at any and all plans he comes up with. 9) Follow him around and tell people that he learned everything he knows from you. 10) Whenever anyone asks you about him say proudly, “Were all very proud of him- all of us in the insanity response unit, that is- we just got him potty trained, too.” 11) Tell Kingsley that Remus has a crush on him. Claim that there is hidden poetry in his room if he looks hard enough. Make sure Remus hears these claims. His reaction to this news will certainly start quite a few new rumours. 12) Go over to his house at the full moon and eat his entire hoard of chocolate in front of him. 13) Try to get him to sing girls just want to have fun by Cyndi Lauper 14) Point and laugh at him whenever he passes you. 15) Say bad things about him before he passes out of earshot. 16) Try to get him to start a conga line. 17) Clearly in view, smack yourself on the head with something hard, then throw it by Remus and claim loudly that he has wounded you. 18) Kick him in the shins at random moments when he is not looking; then run away. 19) Tell Tonks that you heard him say that he expected her to be prettier when he found out she was a metamorphagus. 20) Wake him up early in the early hours of the morning with a bucket of water. Cold water. 21) Put his hand in warm water while he’s sleeping. 22) Cut his hair while he’s sleeping. 23) Take his stuff and hide it. 24) Go up to him and tell him you’ve done something to something in his room. See how long it takes him to work up the nerve to brush his teeth again (in fear you’ve dipped his toothbrush in the toilet). 25) Walk up to him and say, “Man, it feels good to be a hamster,” and walk away with no explanation. 26) Laugh at him in general. 27) Dye his hair rainbow colours by any means possible. See if he screams. 28) Make a comment about how he’s putting on a little poundage and see if he still continues to eat regularly. 29) Get him a puppy for Christmas. Claim that since he’s always wanted one, you finally raised the bar, from a hamster to a dog. 30) Get him a Chihuahua as the aforementioned puppy. 31) Spread outlandish rumours about him. (Ex: Yeah, I’ve heard he’s even dated a death eater. Or: I heard that to get out of a muggle prison once, the guards made him dress up as a girl and pout.) 32) Show up in his room before he goes to bed with warm milk and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep. 33) Mimic him in an especially childish way whenever he speaks. 34) Continue to ask why he isn’t as cool or good-looking as Sirius. 35) See how many rounds of ‘100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall’ he can take before he swears and draws his wand. 36) Claim 35 was you testing his mental endurance. Claim he failed spectacularly. 37) Whenever you discuss Remus' strange behaviour around you with others, always refer to him as she. 38) Replace all his clothes with dresses (or any other clothes that are obviously intended for a woman). 39) Replace all his weapons with hand made replicas you made with construction paper and glue, maybe even with tape (to give it a shinier look!). 40) Scream the name, “FRODO!” at him and then look disappointed when he doesn’t react. When he asks what a Frodo is, refuse to tell him because he didn’t recognize his Sam. 41) Tell him, “The cat crows at dawn and the horse screams at noon,” and see how he reacts to this little bit of randomness. 42) After you’ve finished telling him something, you must add (no matter what!) But it’s just a rumour. (Ex: Kingsley told me to tell you that you guys are leaving tomorrow, but it’s just a rumour.) 43) Tell him you’re leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy. 44) See if he attempts to be polite about you saying you’re leaving (43-above) and tries to say something like too bad, or, I’ll miss you, or, You simply must write, or, Send me a postcard! 45) Make up his own theme song and sing it whenever he enters the room, or triumphs, or walks, or eats, or something, anything at all. 46) (In relation to 45) When he threatens to cut out your tongue if you continue to sing his theme song, smile say, “Oh all right,” and begin to hum it. 47) Offer him gum from one of those trick packs (you know, the ones that shock you or snap your fingers with a mini mousetrap). 48) Play knock and run at his bedroom door. When he inevitably refuses to answer, open the door, step in and holler “Honey! I’m hooomme!” 49) Scream, “You dropped your pocket!” whenever he’s duelling on the practice courts. 50) (In relation to 49) Give him your best, plastic-fake, commercial, poster-boy smile and say, “Great job you did on the practice courts today, even though you got hit on the head twice. Oh, by the way, you dropped your pocket.” 51) (In relation to everything on this list) When he tries to attack you and must be forcefully restrained, sigh and say, “I always said he was insane. I’ve known it for years,” even if you’ve only met him last month. http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/4586113/1/ above is the link to read the story in case some don't make sense. there are few problems that cannot be solved using a large amount of explosives.' 'I used to have superpowers, but my therapist took them away' 'if is not enough to succeed; others must fail' 'you're just jealous because the voices only talk to me' 'stupidity killed the cat, curiosity just got blamed' 'You know what! Earth sucks. I'm going home!' 'Knowledge is power, and power is the root of all evil. So study to be evil!' 'As I said before, I never repeat myself' 'I'm here because heaven wouldn't take me and hell was afraid I would take over' 'You gotta do all that family crap. Ya know why? Cause someday they just might hit the lottery' Ways to Annoy people at the cinema: 1. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" 2. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. 3. Clap when the good guy gets killed. 4. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" 5. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" 6. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. 7. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. 8. Yell out what is going to happen. 9.Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. 10. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. 11. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. 12. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. 13. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. 14. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. 15. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. 16. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. 17. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) 18. Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. 19. Try to start a wave. 20. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first. 21. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. 22. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" 23. Sing with the theme music. 24. Bring and use your own air freshener. 25. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." 26. Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. 27. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. 28. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. 29. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" 30. Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. 31. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. 32. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. 33. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" 34. Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. 35. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" 36. Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. 37. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. 38. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat" 39. Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. 40. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. 41. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. 42. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. 43. Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room. 44. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. 45. Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" 46. Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" 47. Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" 48. Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. 49. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. 50. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. 51. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. 52. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end If Joe Jonas (or any Jonas Brother) dies 95 of people would go nuts if Edward Cullen jumped off a building. Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should have said something, we had no idea." "You haven't got a letter on yours", George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid - we know we're called Gred and Forge.":Gred and Forge. PS. "And what if I wave my wand and nothing happens?" "Now, you two - Behave yourselves. If I get one word that you've blown up a toilet or - " “Oh, these people’s minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they’re not like you and me,” said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with a piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just bought him. :Vernon Dursley. PS. "Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..." :Fred and George. COS. "Well...when we were in our first year, Harry-young, carefree, and innocent-" Trelawney: "Would anyone like me to help interpret the shadowy realms within their orb?" "Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there. "Enjoying it?" said Ron darkly. "I don't reckon he'd come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him onto the subject of his boss. 'According to Mr. Crouch...as I was saying to Mr. Crouch...Mr. Crouch is of the opinion...Mr. Crouch was telling me...' They'll be announcing their engagement any day now.":Ron. GOF. Ron: "I could've taken those mer-idiots any time I wanted." "Oh Professor look! I think I found an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?" "Well, I had one that I was playing Quidditch the other night," said Ron, screwing up his face in an effort to remember. "What do you think that means?" "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," said Hermione.:Hermione. OOTP. "You don't mind if we don't kiss you, do you, Ron?" said Fred in a falsely anxious voice. "I'm very well indeed, thank you!" said Lockhart exuberantly, pulling a rather battered peacock-feather quill from his pocket. "Now, how many autographs would you like? I can do joined-up writing now, you know!":Gilderoy Lockhart. OOTP. lol. Good old Lockhart. "Do you remember me telling you we are practicing nonverbal spells, Potter?" "Oh, there you are, Albus," he said. "You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?" "Three Dementor attacks in a week, and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it's true you've got a Hippogriff tattooed across your chest." If his brain was made of electricity, he'd be a walking blackout. Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Most people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them. I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it. Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have film. Some people are like slinkys...pretty much useless but still fun to push down the stairs. Don't drink and drive, you might spill the the drink. I'm not paranoid! Which one of my enemies told you this? Don't hit kids! No seriously, they have guns now. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor's cute screw the fruit. If you can't convince them, confuse them. How can I love you if you won't lie down? Do not Disturb, I'm disturbed enough already. If you think High School Musical is evil,and brainwashes little kids,copy and paste this in your profile. (Notice how it's in bold) ThInGs To PoNdEr: Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Fun Things To Do In An Elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, 2) STAND silent and motionless in the 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look 12) TRY to make personal calls on the 13) DRAW a little square on the floor 14) WHEN there's only one other person 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they 16) ASK if you can push the button for 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own damn lemonade! When in doubt, make up words! Don’t mess with me- I’ve got a stick and I’m not afraid to hit you with it. If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from? A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work. I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly. Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese! When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip ‘n slide. No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me! The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. I don’t suffer from insanity- I enjoy every minute of it. I smile because I have no idea what’s going on. A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that individuality is the key to success. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the Universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a chair has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure. There's nothing wrong with taking to objects, it's when they start talking back that you need to worry. Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are? You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this 'ice ice _' Hogwarts Rules - If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE! - Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar - I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month. - I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort - I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape - Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda - I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'. - The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. - If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it. - It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate. - "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. - Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey." - I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs - The Whomping Willow is not a Entwife - I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy! - So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead. - Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret - No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. - Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July... - Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such. - I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group. - Especially not with kazoos. - The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable". - Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden. - There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".Even if I do conjure him up. - Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow. - The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate. - Especially in reference to Dolores Umbridge. - I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins. - I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?" - I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me." - Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas. - No combination of these is acceptable. - Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny. - Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom. - I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways. - I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever. - If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change. - I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either. - I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating. - I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. – Anon. 'When life hand you lemons, squirt them in people's eyes!' "Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do insult them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes." – Anon. "Friends are God’s apology for relatives.” – Anon. Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape. A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it. Wouldn't it be fun to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Anon. Excuse me. Have you seen my mind? I think I've lost it... My mind works like lightning...one flash and then it's gone. Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. I don't obsess! I think intensely. If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out. He: Why do you wear a Bra if you've got nothing to fill it in? He: Can I invite you a drink? He: Can I have this song? He: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them nearly as much. Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is. Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’. Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever. Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hoqwarts has seen in a while. Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her. Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’. Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy … disagrees. Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand. Ron Weasley … is very afraid. Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much. Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat. Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out. George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry. Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter. James Potter … doesn’t believe her. Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’. Sirius Black … killed by drapery. Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences. Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane. Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush. Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as ‘Luscious Mouthful’. Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence. Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff. Slytherins … will push someone else off. Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase. Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet. Things that make you feel good: 1. Falling in love. bad pick up lines it must be illegal to look that good. it's gotta be illegal to use pick-up lines that bad When God made you, he was showing off. When God made you, he was pissed off. I must be a snowflake, ‘cause I’ve fallen for you! It’s summer If you were a basilisk, I wouldn’t mind dying just to look into your eyes. If I were a basilisk, I wouldn’t mind killing you with just my eyes. Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from Heaven? Did it hurt?” Well, actually… I think I have this horrible bruise forming on my arse – and it hurts like hell. Will you please check it out for me? Really? No. Hey Yeah? Cupid called me. Just now. … O-kay. Really? Err, what did he say? He told me to tell you that he needs my heart back. stares Hey Yeah? The Hospital Wing called. …And? They asked me to tell you that they need their patient back Y ou know, the voices in my head, they told me to come over here and talk to you. Oh, did they now? Weeeellll, the voices in my head told me to tell the voices in your head to get lost. I must be in Heaven ‘cause I’m standing next to you.” “I must be hell ‘cause I’m standing next to you. have you got any raisins?” “Nope.” ”Then how about a date? “You should check the kitchen. 50 Things James Potter Is Not Allowed To Do 1) Pretend that Lily is his deodorant and attempt to rub her clothes all over himself. 3 Tell the first years that Hagrid is an evil giant and that he will eat all of them up. 4) Sing ‘I’m Too Sexy’ whilst wearing a bright pink tutu and ballet shoes. 6) Blow loud raspberries to drown out the voice of someone disagreeing with you... 7) ... and do not cease until they walk away in a strop. 8) ‘Accidentally’ turn Petunia into a horse when he is invited to Lily’s house at Christmas. 9) Ruffle his hair when Lily is around. 10) Ruffle his hair when attempting to get out of trouble. 11) In fact, James Potter is not allowed to ruffle his hair at all. End of. 12) Tell Hagrid that Fang was eaten by Aragog. 13) Paint/draw faces on hundreds of grapes... 14) ... and then throw them at Sirius’ supposedly evil army of pears. 15) Stroke his imaginary moustache when attempting to tell McGonagall why exactly he was found wanking in a broom cupboard. 19) Reply with ‘Huh?’ when asked if deaf. 20) Change the password to the Slytherin Common room to ‘Gryffindor Rules’. 21) Loudly tell the common room whenever Lily gets a new bra... 22) ... and then proceed to explain how it looks, the size, the colours and his opinion of it. 24) Charm a thousand shampoo bottles to follow Snape around, throwing themselves as his head... 25) ... and then claim that a potted plant told him to do it. 26) Tell everyone that Snape is the illegitimate child of Professor Sprout and Professor Dumbledore... 27) ... and when asked about the blatant differences in the genes and looks, simply state ‘glamour charms are extremely easy, you know’. 28) Burst into tears and run out the room wailing, ‘Noooo, I broke a nail!’ after picking up a fork. 29) Dress up as a pirate... 30) ... and then attempt to steal Gryffindor’s sword... 31) ... and then kidnap Lily... 33) Attempt to slide down all the banisters in Hogwarts. 34) Draw a twirly moustache on the face of the Fat Lady in permanent marker... 35) ... and then proceed to do the same to every other portrait in the castle. 38) Wear Lily’s uniform and make up... 39) ... and then tell Dumbledore, whilst sobbing hysterically, that Filch is a pervert and that he made him dress up like this. 43) Pour gravy on Sirius’ cereal. 45) Begin all sentences with ‘Ooh la la!’. 46) Tie bells to all his clothes. 47) Repeat everything someone says, but as a question. 48) Start each meal by licking all his food and then announcing that he did this so that no one will ‘swipe his grub’. 50) Wonder around the great hall, asking the other students for their carrots. 50 Things Sirius Black Is Not Allowed To Do 1) Sing ‘Baby Got Back’ at the top of his lungs dressed in a tight leather mini-skirt. 4) Give Remus a makeover while he is asleep. 9) Buy Remus a flea collar and then attempt to strangle him with it. 10) Encourage first years to make friends with the Whomping Willow. 11) Paint a regular golf ball gold, glue wings to it and then replace the snitch with it. 12) Transfigure Remus into a puppy and name him ‘Squishy’ 13) Introduce an official ‘Hug a Slytherin Day’. 18) Convince Remus that all the books in the library have been stolen and that it is closing down. 19) Tell everyone that James’ mum looks like Voldemort. 22) Tell first years that Filch regularly abuses his cat. 23) Tell First years that Filch is the Voice of God. 24) Ask Professor Flitwick if he knows where Snow White lives. 25) Pop a balloon in the middle of one of Dumbledore’s speeches. 26) Squirt ketchup on his forehead and then tell Remus he fell off of the Astronomy Tower. 29) Tell people that it’s Remus’ Time of the Month when he tells First Years off for breathing too loudly. 30) Try to beat James to death with a napkin. 31) ...or a pillow. 32) Ask Professor Sprout to marry him at dinner... 34) Draw faces on pieces of fruit and then carry them everywhere, claiming that they are his evil minions and that together they will take over the world. 36) Set Lily’s hair on fire to see whether there is any difference between her hair colour and the fire. 39) Attempt to break a glass over Lily’s head if she spends more than three hours with Remus in the library. 43) Put hundreds of rabid skunks in Snape’s dorm... 44) ... and then state that Snape simply shouldn’t have left the window open. 80 Things Fred And George Weasley Are Not Allowed To Do 2) Yell ‘Furball!’ every time McGonagall coughs. 3) Put bright pink frilly bows in Lee Jordan’s hair. 4) Put Lee’s tarantula in Ron’s bed. 5) Actually blow up a Hogwarts toilet seat. 8) Shave Mrs Norris bald... 9) ... and then claim that they were doing her a favour. 10) Send Dolores Umbridge thousands of models of Centaurs. 11) Interbreed a dragon and a cat... 12) ... no matter how wicked the results may be. 14) Hide dairy products in inaccessible places... 15) ...such as their underwear drawer... 16) ...or on the roof. 17) Paint the house elves blue. 18) Brandish a fork and yell ‘Death be upon you!’ when threatened. 19) Tell everyone that Snape is Voldemort’s illegitimate child... 20) ...and then claim that Snape’s mother is in fact male... (even though that is biologically impossible...) 21) ...and that therefore, Voldemort is gay. 22) Tell Snape to schedule a hair cut for the Dark Lord. 23) Tell the ministry that Draco Malfoy is a ferret Animagus. 24) Wear capes that say ‘Magnificent one’ on them. 25) Psycho analyse Professor Snape... 26) ...and announce to the school that Snape is not depressed 28) Claim that they are mutated goats. 29) Use the Marauders Map to stalk first years. 30) Attempt to eat Mrs Norris... 31) ...or Trevor... 32) ...or Scabbers... 33) ...or Hedwig. 34) Feed Crookshanks to Aragog. 35) Tell first years that what they are eating is really fried owl. 36) Swap Gilderoy Lockheart’s shampoo with blue food colouring. 39) Pour mouthwash in Dumbledore’s pumpkin juice at breakfast. 40) Tell everyone that Professor Lupin has rabies. 41) Shave off their eyebrows... 42) ...draw a unicorn on their foreheads... 43) ...and when someone asks why there is a unicorn on their heads, reply by asking them why there is a duck on theirs. 46) Point at random people and burst into laughter. 47) Ask people what gender they are. 48) Bring two puppies to breakfast and then claim that they are Professor Lupin’s cubs. 49) Pretend they are deaf/blind/mute. 50) Throw stones at passing teachers. 51) Give Umbridge a toad for Christmas. 52) Tell everyone that they are descended from Merlin. 53) Bark like a dog whenever someone says the word ‘the’. 54) Throw Dumbledore’s lemon drops out of a window. 55) Shave off Dumbledore’s beard and eyebrows. 56) Ask Professor Lupin where babies come from... 57) ...and carry on bugging him when he refuses to say anything. 58) Dip Snape’s toothbrush in the toilet. 59) Bring the Giant Squid as a date to the Yule Ball. 60) Use house elves as replacement bludgers. 61) Tell Professor Trelawney that she will die next week when a grand piano falls on her head... 62) ...find a grand piano and then attempt to actually drop it on her head. 64) Build up an army of rabid frogs... 65) ...and claim that together, they will take over the world. 66) Introduce Professor Trelawney to fortune cookies... 67) ...and bewitch every fortune to say ‘beware the bunny in the neon pink tutu’... 68) ...and then dress up as two bunnies in neon pink tutus. 69) Ask Professor Lupin relentless irrelevant questions about werewolves... 71) ...whether werewolves can be trained to play fetch... 73) Tell first years there is a campsite in the Forbidden Forest and that everybody goes there. 74) Announce to the whole of Hogwarts that Professor Lupin is a werewolf slayer. 75) Give Snape a lion cub for his birthday. 79) Beat Percy to death with a teddy bear. 80) Chase first years around the castle threatening to kill them with a spoon. Why America has some issues (One thing that America DIDN’T screw up-this list) 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the drivewayand put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. Favorite Sayings: 1. Part of loving someone is knowing when to let them go... 2. All that glitters is never gold 3. The worst sicknesses aren't malaria or swine flu...it's the feeling of being unwanted. 4. Sometimes you have to fight...sometimes you have to give up...but sometimes it will work out on their own. I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side. When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then. Guns don't kill people. People kill people. If guns don't kill people, then can I blame all my misspells on my pencil? A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a Best Friend will be sitting next to you saying "Let's do it again!" Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed. I used all my sick days so I called in dead. You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to. The extinction of the dinosoars was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid! Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies! Oh, that red stuff leaking out of them?...That's cooking oil. If you're going to be two-faced sweetie, at least make one of them pretty! Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity... Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible? Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now. WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP! I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework. WARNING- stop throwing your cigarette butts on the carpet! Seriously, the cockroaches are getting cancer! Warning: trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. Welcome to the internet! Pants optional. The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow! If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless. Mental Hospital Phone Menu: Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital! Please select from the following options menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you. If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up. A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it! What a guy means, when he says some stuff- “Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.” “Take a breath honey. You work too hard. "It‘s a guy thing" "Can I help with dinner?" "It would take too long to " "I cant find it." 10 Ways to Annoy Remus Lupin 10. Tell him a really long joke that has a stupid punch line. (Bill) 9. Talk to each other in Morse Code while you’re around him. (Fred and George) 8. Repeatedly play the Weird Sisters until he is forced to leave the room. (Tonks) 7. Finish all your sentences to him “according to the prophecy. (Everyone) 6. Repeat everything he tells you back to him in the form of a question. (Everyone) 5. Tell him he can’t sit next to you at dinner because your imaginary friend is sitting there. (Tonks) 4. Stand over his shoulder as he reads and whisper things to each other. (Fred and George) 3. Whenever he has a plan say that you have a better one, and then say something really stupid. (Sirius) 2. Move his bookmark three pages ahead every time he’s not looking. (Sirius) 1. Hide his chocolate stash. (Everyone) In no particular order, fifty way to annoy: Severus Snape (in progress) 1 Call him Snivellus 2 Comment on his greasy hair 3 Ask him about the ‘good times’ he shared with Padfoot 4 Ditto with Moony and Prongs 5 Give him a bunny tail Nick-name him ‘Slimebomb’ Howl at him In order for people to respect you you must respect yourself. Wisdom not only comes from books, but from life. People are not totally good or totally evil, but the majority of people are mostly good. What kind of person you are is not only determined by your words, but your actions. If you actually want to your eat chocolate, don't eat it around other people. They will ask for some until you don't have any left. Chocolate cures everything! If you want to make a new friend, go up to the new kid sitting in the corner and talk about random stuff and treat her/him like a person. If you want for people to like you be yourself. You don't need the latest ipod to be happy when you have real friends.(and fanfiction) You must embrace your inner dork in order to find true happiness. Do not hide from life, it will only hunt you down and slap you in the face and say, "Ha! You should have listened to me!" You can learn a lot about life from a good manga! Luck is only opportunites that have been taken advantage of. I don't know where I heard this but...Everyone is two people. The person that they act like and the person they are underneath the suface. If life gives you lemons, first make lemonade, drink it, then make apple juice, and wonder what just happened? Yeah, I hear voices in my head, they're called my thoughts. If you don't hear them, that's not my problem! - oops! did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? -i used to be normal... until i met those freaks i call my friends(true, true) All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. How is it possible to have a civil war? Re-post this if you believe Homophobia is wrong. 1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could "Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it. Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey? If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from "Tragedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"- Mel Brooks "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something." Crazy is a relative term in my family! Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich. "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to." Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you! I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. "If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." --Tommy Lasorda No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you. Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go "Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You Guys should be like lattes-rich, strong, and hot I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever. I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again. Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn) Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon Don't frown, even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile. You have to have darkness for a dawn to come. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world. Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set. The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. A smile is the shortest distance between two people. Tell the truth and run. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Education is important, school however, is another matter. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... Music is love in search of word. It's a fusion of Jazz and funk-is called 'Junk'! If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible? Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it? "When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade" Assassination is an extreme form of censorship The sun has set, the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison!! Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them Don’t mess with me I've got a stick He said I love you, I laughed and said sorry I'm allergic to bullshit I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later. One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons! I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. When I say LOL I'm not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say. When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office. I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us! Darth Vader-Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Luke Skywalker-Nah, the rebels have cake. Darth Vader-ooh! Can I be a rebel?! I smile because I have no idea what's going on! Life was so simple when boys had cooties I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I don't obsess! I think intensely. All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. "When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." "Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it." "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else" "Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real." "I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not." "Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?" "What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy." "Guns don't kill people. I do." "If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side." MURPHY'SLESSER-KNOWNLAWS: 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright Until you hear them speak. 2. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 4. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. 7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be Stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the Fog. 8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those Who got there first? 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he Will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty -The Best Friend Pledge- 1. When you are blue, I will try and dislodge whatever is in your throat. 2. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 3. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 4. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could get until you stop whining. 5. When you are confused, I will use little words. 6. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me. I don't want whatever you've got.Jk (sort of). 7. When you fall, I will ask if you're okay, sit there and laugh at your clumsy butt. This is a really good sorting house quiz. link is below. House Crest Score (0-100) House Description 92 Gryffindor Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those with brave deeds to their name." Students of Gryffindor are typically brave, daring, and chivalrous. Famous members include Harry, Ron, Hermione, Albus Dumbledore (head of Hogwarts), and Minerva McGonagall (head of Gryffindor). If you want to add this feedback to your homepage, click here. 92 Ravenclaw Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest." Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable. Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor). If you want to add this feedback to your homepage, click here. 85 Hufflepuff Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same." Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Diggory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament. If you want to add this feedback to your homepage, click here. 71 Slytherin Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest." Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry's nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort. If you want to add this feedback to your homepage, click here. "Holy man open up your eyes Welcome to the horror of the revelation Slayer - (New Faith) "Step by step, heart to heart, left right left, We all fall down, like Toy Soldiers Piece by piece, we're torn apart, we never win, The battle rages on, for Toy Soldiers" Eminem (Like Toy Soldiers) Kevin Lomax Kevin Lomax: What are you? Kevin Lomax: In the Bible you lose. We're destined to lose, Dad.John Milton: Well consider the source, son. "You're here because you know something. Morpheus (Laurence Fishbourne) – The Matrix "Roses are red, violets are blue, you are sweet, and I love you." "Tomatoes are red, ashes are black, go to hell, and never come back" "For sure you have to be lost to find a place that can't be found elseways everyone would know where it was." - Captian Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End "Don't worry, you're just as sane as I am." - Luna Lovegood "The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." - Russell Baker He sang How the swan blanched forever How the wolf threw away its telltale heart And the stars dropped their pretense… He sang How everything had nothing more to lose Then sat still with fear Seeing the clawtrack of star Hearing the wingbeat of rock And his own singing" - Owl's Song by Ted Hughes http:/// Things i want wtiten on a t-sirt or already on a t-shirt Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Don't annoy me, i'm running out of places to hide the bodies I can only please one person a day and today’s not your day. Tomorrow’s not looking to good either. Your village called. They want their idiot back. Dear First Years, Soon your teachers will be telling you my story, the story of the mischievous Sirius Black and his partner in crime, James Potter. They will warn you not to wander down the path of pranks and detentions, as I have. I am proud of what "The Marauders" have accomplished, and therefore, wanted to leave you with something to remember us by. I am giving you a list of things that I am no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts, which you all should consider doing on a regular basis to remind our dear teachers what they're missing. Chances are they will break down into silent tears of nostalgia. However, should they tell you they don't miss us, well…you little ones will have to learn that sometimes professors do tell little white lies. Of course they miss us! They just can't tell you that or they'd be unconsciously encouraging you to follow in our legendary footsteps. So are you ready for Sirius Black's famous list of things not to do at Hogwarts? I thought so. Therefore I, Sirius Lee Black, now bequeath to you my legacy. Remember it well: 1 - Not allowed to threaten anyone with "Black" magic. 2 - Not allowed to give myself or any other human on the premises of Hogwarts, especially Severus Snape, magical breast implants. 3 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions. 4 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets serve detention for me. 5 - Not allowed to refer to Headmaster Dumbledore as "Dad." 6 - Not allowed to refer to Professor McGonagall as "Mum." 7 - If the thought of something makes either myself or James Potter giggle for more than fifteen seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. 8 - Not allowed to speculate on the penis size of any of my male or female professors. 9 - Not allowed to threaten suicide with Muggle pop rocks and coke. 10 - The proper way to report to Headmaster Dumbledore when ordered into his office is, "You wanted to see me, Professor?" and not "You can't prove a thing!" 11 - I do not get "that time of the month" and, therefore, cannot use it as an excuse when trying to get out of detention. 12 - Not allowed to fly my broomstick indoors, especially to chase first years down to the dungeons. 13 - Not allowed to fall in love with Madam Pomfrey. 14 - Not allowed to send anonymous love letters or fan mail to Professors. 15 - There are no evil clowns living under my bed. 16 - Not allowed to ask Professor Pintaine if he's been smoking crack. 17 - Not allowed to add "in accordance with this prophecy" to the end of answers I give to a question asked by our divination professor. 18 - May not call the divination professor immoral, untrustworthy, lying slime even if I am right or become possessed by a spirit and give prophecies of my own in the middle of class. 19 - Not allowed to challenge fellow Quidditch players to 'Meet me on the field of honor at dawn,' and then show up wearing a full suit of armor that I "borrowed" from the dungeon statue. 20 - Not allowed to purchase the souls of first year students and make them my slaves. 21 - Not allowed to magically wash the hair of hygienically challenged students, even if they are greasy, slimy gits (cough-Snivellus-cough) and even if I am doing it "for the greater good of the student body." 22 - Not allowed to bribe Hogwarts kitchen house elves into sending the Slytherin table rotten food. 23 - (Next day) Not allowed to bribe Hogwarts kitchen house elves into sending the Slytherin table no food at all. 24 - Not allowed to host an "Inter-house Challenge Slip 'N' Slide Tournament" using the house tables and 147 buckets of water in the Great Hall. 25 – Not allowed to purchase the clothing of Hogwarts house elves and wear it "as a mark of my own enslavement." 26 - Not allowed to accuse Moaning Myrtle of sexual harassment. 27 - Not allowed to trade Quidditch balls (i.e. the quaffle, bludgers, and snitch...actually James kept the snitch) for inflatable sheep. 28 - Not allowed to release enchanted inflated sheep into the dungeons to test the Care of Magical Creatures Professor's competency in his trade. 29 - Not allowed to die... Seriously, I'm not allowed to die or drown! (especially while testing a potion or swimming in the lake). 30 - The staff room (which is guarded by gargoyles) is not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell first years that it is. 31 – "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long-term goal to give at career advice. 32 - Any device that can crawl across the table on medium should not be brought into the Great Hall. 33 - Not allowed to play strip Quidditch. 34 - Not allowed to send Howlers to myself. 35 - Not allowed to start a betting pool as to when Severus Snape will ever take a bath. 36 - Not allowed to make love to any Hogwarts statues. 37 - Not allowed to give Snape candy and then use it to take over his brain and make him say incriminating things. 38 - Not allowed to anonymously offer a dating service to Slytherins and then set them up with their brothers and/or sisters. 39 - Not allowed into the girls' dormitories. 40 - Not allowed within twenty feet of the girls' dormitories. 41 - Not allowed to even set foot on the entire left half of the common room (which leads to the girls' dormitories). 42 - Not allowed to turn Severus Snape's clothes pink and expect to get out of detention by arguing that "pink is definitely his color 43 - Not allowed to bang my head against a desk until I become so disoriented that I wander into the girls' bathrooms. 44 - Not allowed to put a charm on certain Slytherins so that rainbow colored foam comes out of their mouths every time they try to speak ill of a Gryffindor. 45 - Not allowed to ride Dumbledore's gargoyle stairway up and down singing "I Feel Pretty" until he comes out of his office and asks me to stop. 46 - Not allowed to start a nudist colony in the prefect's bathroom on weekends. 47 - Not allowed to offer Sex-Ed classes to first through third years and other older "teenagers full of angst" who feel they are "lacking in carnal knowledge." 48 - Not allowed to imply that "Dad" (Professor Dumbledore) is "getting lucky" with "Mum" (Professor McGonagall) tonight in the middle of Transfiguration. 49 - Not allowed to hum "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye as I walk past Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore "conversing" in a "strictly professional" manner in the hallway. 50 - Not allowed to charm Hogwarts statues to kick all Slytherin's "where the sun don't shine" as they pass by. 51 - Not allowed to tell Lily Evans "thanks for last night" in front of James Potter and therefore provoke the latter to hex me. 52 - Not allowed to hand out my old, soiled socks to fifth or seventh year girls (and one fifth year guy) as good luck charms on their O.W.L.'s or N.E.W.T.'s. 53 - Not allowed to charm Dumbledore's socks to sing "Barracuda" whenever Severus Snape walks into the same room as him. 54 - Not allowed to be myself. 55 – I do not have super powers and should not claim otherwise. 56 – I am neither the king nor queen of cheese and should not claim otherwise. 57 – I am not in need of a more suitable host body and should not claim otherwise. 58 – I am not a "lesbian trapped in a man's body" and should not claim otherwise. 59 – Not allowed to trade my schoolbooks for any of the following (which have been attempted on separate occasions): cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, candy, small children, etc. 60 – Not allowed to take incriminating photographs of my professors. 61 – Not allowed to use magic to make incriminating photographs of my professors. 62 – Not allowed to tattoo a likeness of my face on students or professors while they slumber. 63 - Not allowed to vandalize the Slytherin Common Room. 64 – Not allowed to sing "Henry VIII, I Am" until verse sixty-eight ever again. 65 – Not allowed to drink three liters of blue food coloring before my yearly Quidditch (pee-in-a-cup) physical given by Madam Pomfrey. 66 – Nor allowed to drink three liters of red food coloring and scream during the same. 67 – Not allowed to bring Professor McGonagall as my date to the no-longer-annual, end-of-term costume ball. 68 – "I'm drunk," is a bad answer to the question, "Why would you do that, Black?" posed by my head of house or any other figure of authority even if I was joking. 69 – Firewhiskey, green food coloring, and a 'Cool Mint' Listerine bottle is not a good combination even if I'm trying to make a point that Lily Evans should learn to clean her teeth without using Muggle technology. 70 – The whole of Hogwarts' suits of armor cannot be assembled into a giant battle robot. 71 – Hogwarts professors have neither the time nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six whole boxes of Ice Mice yesterday. 72 – Not allowed to organize a Disco Fever Dance at 2 A.M. in the Headmaster's office, even if the Headmaster was the one who requested "Macho Man." 73 – Not allowed to send out wedding invitations for Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore. 74 – Not allowed to claim that my first name is indeed a very fitting description of my personality and burst into bogus tears when a professor suggests otherwise. 75 – Probably not allowed to be writing this list…; ) Harry and Ron's additions to Sirius' Not Allowed to List 76 - Not allowed to imagine Snape in women's clothing 77 - Not allowed to turn Malfoy into a great, bouncing ferret 78 - Not allowed to impersonate Slytherins with polyjuice potion 79 - Not allowed to belch slugs 80 - Not allowed to mobilize an army of students and plot to take over the Ministry of Magic 81 - Not allowed to sic a pack of murderous centaurs on Professor Umbridge ( No matter how much she deserves it) "You don't understand - there are things worth dying for." Sirius "...which left Harry free to sit down on the grass between the beech and bushes and watch the foursome under the tree." Jo Rowling (Harry Potter is downright pornographic when out of context!) "Personally, I'd have welcomed a dementor attack. A deadly struggle for my soul would have broken the monotony nicely." Sirius "'...when it appears, it is always equipped for the seekers needs. Dobby has used it, sir,' said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, 'when Wink has been very drunk.'" JKR (Ew.) "What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who ever lived? Only innocent lives, Peter." Sirius "He was their friend and he betrayed them...HE WAS THEIR FRIEND...I hope he finds me...cause when he does.. I'm gonna be ready...When he does, I'm gonna kill him Harry Potter 3 movie ( the scene is way more emotional and stuff, you have to see his face) "When life hands me lemons, I make beef stew." --Andy Milonakis show (do they even show that anymore? I never watched the actual show--just the intro) "You tell those spiders, Ron." --Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban movie "There's no need to call me 'sir' professor." --Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince "...bring down the Ministry of Magic with a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease."--Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (I'm not sure if that's the exact quote, but it's hilarious. I love Luna!) "Are you angry?" "Yeah." "What's the matter?" "I can't see my forehead."--Spongebob Squarepants You called me strong, you called me weak, Enter, stranger, but take heed "Bite me, I wanna be a vampire." "Werewolves one word for 'em: Sexy as hell!" "Oh, I'm dead? I hadn't realized." "Ha! Wizard you crack me up…" Invictus- Ive become so numb Linkin Park- Numb No you don't know what it's like To be hurt Welcome to my Life- Simple Plan Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend How to save a life- The Fray "For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is phsychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity."--Jean DuBuffet I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms And what do you think you'd never say? I won't listen anyway You don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be And what do you think you'd understand? I'm a boy—no, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown? Yeah, you stand there on your own You don't know me Cause I'm not here "Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you." There is a fine line between chivalry and sexism, and Twilight books have crossed it. "...And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consulations. They're quite aware of what their going through..." - David Bowie what's life without a little adventure? We are our own worst critics If i can not go back i must simply move forward Re-post this if you believe Homophobia is wrong. 1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could Drop a pebble in the water, just a splash, and it is gone; Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea. ("Drop a Pebble in the Water" by James W. Foley “Generally women are better than men -- they have more character. I prefer men for some things, obviously, but women have a greater sense of honor and are more willing to take a chance with their lives.” Lauren Bacall “Find me a man who's interesting enough to have dinner with and I'll be happy.” Lauren Bacall “You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now.” Lauren Bacall “Imagination is the highest kite one can fly” Lauren Bacall “I am not a has-been. I am a will be.” Lauren Bacall “I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that.” Lauren Bacall “I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it 'content.'” santizLauren Bacall “They're guys who want to screw around all the time, which interests me not at all. God knows we've done that, been there, and we don't want to do that any more.” Lauren Bacall “In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.” Lauren Bacall “I wish Frank Sinatra would just shut up and sing.” Lauren Bacall “I used to tremble from nerves so badly that the only way I could hold my head steady was to lower my chin practically to my chest and look up at Bogie. That was the beginning of The Look.” Lauren Bacall People should tell your children what life is all about -- it's about work.” - Lauren Bacall 21-30 Quotations of 31Lauren Bacall quotes American motion-picture and stage Actress, b.1924 “I'm not a sedentary person. I've always been active “She's not a legend, ... She can't be a legend at whatever age she is. ... You have to be older.” “I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way.” “The purity of Jewish upbringing is the restrictions that one carries through life being a "nice Jewish girl" -- what a burden!” Lauren Bacall Jane Addams Quotes • Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world. • The good we secure for ourselves is precarious and uncertain until it is secured for all of us and incorporated into our common life. • Unless our conception of patriotism is progressive, it cannot hope to embody the real affection and the real interest of the nation. • In his own way each man must struggle, lest the normal law become a far-off abstraction utterly separated from his active life. • Action indeed is the sole medium of expression for ethics. • Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt. • Private beneficence is totally inadequate to deal with the vast numbers of the city's disinherited. • We have learned to say that the good must be extended to all of society before it can be held secure by any one person or class; but we have not yet learned to add to that statement, that unless all people and all classes contribute to a good, we cannot even be sure that it is worth having. • We slowly learn that life consists of processes as well as results, and that failure may come quite as easily from ignoring the adequacy of one's method as from selfish or ignoble aims. We are thus brought to a conception of Democracy not merely as a sentiment which desires the well-being of all people, nor yet as a creed which believes in the essential dignity and equality of all people, but as that which affords a rule for living as well as a test of faith. • Social advance depends as much upon the process through which it is secured as upon the result itself. • The new growth in the plant swelling against the sheath, which at the same time imprisons and protects it, must still be the truest type of progress. • Civilization is a method of living and an attitude of equal respect for all people. • Old-fashioned ways which no longer apply to changed conditions are a snare in which the feet of women have always become readily entangled. • I do not believe that women are better than men. We have not wrecked railroads, nor corrupted legislature, nor done many unholy things that men have done; but then we must remember that we have not had the chance. • National events determine our ideals, as much as our ideals determine national events. • An unscrupulous contractor regards no basement as too dark, no stable loft too foul, no rear shanty too provisional, no tenement room too small for his workroom as these conditions imply low rental. • America's future will be determined by the home and the school. The child becomes largely what he is taught; hence we must watch what we teach, and how we live. • The essence of immorality is the tendency to make an exception of myself. • The excellent becomes the permanent. • Teaching in a Settlement requires distinct methods, for it is true of people who have been allowed to remain undeveloped and whose facilities are inert and sterile, that they cannot take their learning heavily. It has to be diffused in a social atmosphere, information must be held in solution, in a medium of fellowship and good will... It is needless to say that a Settlement is a protest against a restricted view of education. • Many women today are failing properly to discharge their duties to their own families and household simply because they fail to see that as society grows more complicated it is necessary that women shall extend her sense of responsibility to many things outside of her home, if only to preserve the home in entirety. • The relationship of students and faculty to each other and to the residents was that of guest and hostess and at the close of each term the residents gave a reception to students and faculty which was one of the chief social events of the season. Upon this comfortable social basis some very good work was done. • That Christianity has to be revealed and embodied in the line of social progress is a corollary to the simple proposition, that man's action is found in his social relationships in the way in which he connects with his fellows; that his motives for action are the zeal and affection with which he regards his fellows. By this simple process was created a deep enthusiasm for humanity; which regarded man as at once the organ and the object of revelation; and by this process came about the wonderful fellowship, the true democracy of the early Church, that so captivates the imagination... The spectacle of the Christians loving all men was the most astounding Rome had ever seen. • It is always easy to make all philosophy point one particular moral and all history adorn one particular tale; but I may be forgiven the reminder that the best speculative philosophy sets forth the solidarity of the human race; that the highest moralists have taught that without the advance and improvement of the whole, no man can hope for any lasting improvement in his own moral or material individual condition; and that the subjective necessity for Social Settlements is therefore identical with that necessity, which urges us on toward social and individual salvation. • For ten years I have lived in a neighborhood which is by no means criminal, and yet during last October and November we were startled by seven murders within a radius of ten blocks. A little investigation of details and motives, the accident of a personal acquaintance with two of the criminals, made it not in the least difficult to trace the murders back to the influence of war. Simple people who read of carnage and bloodshed easily receive its suggestions. Habits of self-control which have been but slowly and imperfectly acquired quickly break down under the stress. Psychologists intimate that action is determined by the selection of the subject upon which the attention is habitually fixed. The newspapers, the theatrical posters, the street conversations for weeks had to do with war and bloodshed. The little children on the street played at war, day after day, killing Spaniards. The humane instinct, which keeps in abeyance the tendency to cruelty, the growing belief that the life of each human being -- however hopeless or degraded, is still sacred -- gives way, and the barbaric instinct asserts itself. It is doubtless only during a time of war that the men and women of Chicago could tolerate whipping for children in our city prison, and it is only during such a time that the introduction in the legislature of a bill for the re-establishment of the whipping post could be possible. National events determine our ideals, as much as our ideals determine national events Jeff Foxworthy Quotes "If you refer to 5th grade as your 'senior year,' you might be a redneck." Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist. Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip. Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it. Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work. For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it? I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together. I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. I know God is real. I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I really don't require a whole lot in life. I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away. I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument. I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods. I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie. I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points. I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family. If men have a smell it's usually an accident. If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.' If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck. If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck. If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck. If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck. It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time. It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old. Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on. My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this. My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family. Nothing in life prepares you to be famous. Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately. People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school. Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling. That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house. The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him. The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more. There is no down time anymore Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do. When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain. You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three -1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. -One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject -We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass -Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin. Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916 Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843 Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901 Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916 Edwards the fastest Emmetts the Strongest but only Jasper can sit in a corner and still make you feel jealous Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick "Predictable. Minds around me never change. No desire to fall into the same graves they dug... no desire to lay buried in those graves...they plead... they beg... they bargain..." - Bella Place two mirrors facing parallel with each other. The reflection is never ending right? What if both mirrors represented two sets of eyes? What if both sets of eyes were both that of Deaths’…? That’s right. Plural. Deaths. What would happen then? Death signifies an end.Could two ends that meet break the reflection? Whose reflection would break? - Bella “Clearly, you don’t read the papers. Of course death has a sense of humor. Who dies while peeling potatoes?” - Bella Being a Vampire is just another form of being human, just with a more animalistic side. "Just because you stop feeling doesn’t mean that those feelings die. Like being caught in a red light, you stop. You stop knowing that time will come when the light turns green again. Where you go is the thing to consider. Move forward? Or turn around?" - Bella “Is it… winter …in his eyes… when he sees…. his sun rise?” - Midnight Breeze “Ah, such a folly… selfless love could be.” - Midnight Breeze “Silvered ringing…that knows both…warning and delight… everyone knows… the beauty…that is… the black bells… of…both light and death… light in death… light of death…ringing Bella…Bella…Bella…light and death…Bella…” - Midnight Breeze “Dreams…are…beautiful things… and…they are also…frightening things…they are mirrors…. And they could also be…double-edged swords… they are reflections… a hidden guide… of what…the heart desires… what the mind… pushes away…. It is everything… it is nothing… it is anything… it is…whatever… you… make of it…” - Midnight Breeze “Patience, my dear and be prepared to be lulled to sleep by Edward Anthony Cullen’s autobiography.” - Edward “Did you try to tell her your life story, get her bored that she had to shut you up?” Jacob suggested while trying to hold back from laughing. “You guys done yet? I’m absolutely famished! So you guys – are famished as well, I see?" - Jasper “Of course you did. You had a dose of Emmett fun.” - Emmett “She is like water, restless but fluid, flowing, calm, unpredictable and… easily gone and back again.” - Mr. White “I’m so clumsy I might end up shooting you…” - Bella This is silly right? It’s just a kiss right? A harmless no nonsense accidental brushing of lips.” - Bella "So? Make a mistake with me?" Jasper's answer when Bella asked him what if they also weren't meant to be. "How does one really know who belongs to whom in this vast mysterious earth?" - Jasper "There is a possibility, even the slightest nano-fraction that maybe I met Alice and Bella met Edward so that me and Bella could meet or something along that line of thought. I know it’s beyond farfetched but there’s a big ‘maybe’ that looms overhead. Wishful thinking, but hey, anything’s possible. I mean look at us – our kind exists and we’re under the ‘mythical creature’ category." - Jasper I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I don't obsess! I think intensely. Stupid shiny Volvo owner. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird? Come join the dark side. (We have Jasper Whitlock) All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. Don’t mess with me I've got a stick My favorite word is sarcasm. It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public I've got ADHD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day. Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Somebody needs a Happy Meal. Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way My heart is not a playground I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy. Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out. If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you. Love can come in many different colours. Did no one come to save me just because they missed me? We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong. What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy. Guns don't kill people. I do. If you can't see he bright side of life, polish the dull side. huh. It figures, all the good guys are taken, vampires, or both. When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip and slide. If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste. I find "good morning" contradictory Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep till noon Boys are like trees - they take fifty years to grow up. Friends will always be like "well, you deserve better", but best friends will prank call him whispering "seven days..." One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. (me: Just hope that you have something to change it to) Some day we'll look back on this, and plow into a parked car. A good friend helps you when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again. 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass If you are wasting your time reading weird, witty, funny things off of someone's crazy profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this onto your profile Life is not a dress rehearsal. Live Like your dying. You can't control who you fall in love with but you can control what you do with it. Nothings impossible, just improbable. I look inside myself and see my heart is black It's hard to see the pain behind the mask Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone It's in your eyes, what's on your mind. I fear your smile and the promise inside I fear your presence, I'm frozen inside. I'm searching for answers Not questioned before. The Curse of awareness, There's no peace of mind As your true colors show, A dangerous sign. Sweet Darling When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing "When life hands you lemons, throw them back and demand Jasper Hale." "The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it find me." .: There's three ways to do things:. I'm a BRUNETTE and I'm a cutie, Mess with me and I'll kick your booty, Redheads are smart, Blondes think they're cool, Well think again, 'Cause BRUNETTES rule! Losers stare make a fuss. Just one question- jealous much? Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART, Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG, Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY, Calling me POOR won't make you RICH, Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT, So why bother? DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words. Education is important, school however, is another matter. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." 'Make a bet with me, and I will win. Fight me, and you will loose. Tell me I can't, and I will. Tell me to, and I won't. Dare me, and I'll do it. Say I can, and I will.' 'Try and run from me and I'll trip you before I kick your ass.' 'If I had a baseball bat I'd hit you with it.' 'Try me and see what you get.' 'Hurt the ones I love about again and I will show you the meaning of hell on Earth' 'Touch me and you will loose your life.' 'You really shouldn't have pissed off the person who can make your life a living hell.' 'I'll protect my friends because I know they're worth protecting.' 'I don't give crap what they said because everybody has a talent. they are wrong and I know you can be the best you are.' 'Do you really want to try and hurt me?' "He who laughs last didn't get it. He who laughs first has the most perverted mind." What happens if you get scared half to death twice? It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility agree with me now- it will saw sooo much time Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." "People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door." Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL! You call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing. We're not sarcastic, we're hilarious. We're not annoying, we're just cooler than you. We're not bitches, we just don't like you. We're not obsessed, we're just best friends. I'm not afriad of Death. What's he going to do, kill me? It doesn't matter whether the glass if half-full or half-empty. Just drink the damn thing and get it over with. Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but hey, it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone. Advice is what we ask for when we already have the answer but wish we didn't. Don'y play games with a girl who can play better. Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame The past. It's done. It's unchangeable. Move on. Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength. No one was perfect...well, there was this one guy, but we killed him. The best things in life are unseen. That's why we colse our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream. There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who never will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There is a reason they didn't make it to your future. Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Screw me over and I'll do it to you twice as hard. Call me crazy, but you really have no idea. If it wasn't for physics and the law, hell, I'd be unstoppable. Fear nothing. Risk everything. Growing old is mandatory...but growing up my friends, well that is optional. Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak. With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do? I intend to live forever. So far, so good... Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell. Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.' Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Forever isn't as long as it use to be. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. FINE= the real definition: F.reaked Out I.nsecure N.uerotic E.motional Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn) Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Don’t mess with me I've got a stick i had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. Stupid Warnings: This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily. 1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children 2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts 3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping 4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire 5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking 6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado 7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts 8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children 9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. 10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping 11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap 12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness 13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required 14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use 15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children 16. On Sears hairdryer: 17. On a bag of Fritos: 18. On a bar of Dial soap: 19. On some Swann frozen dinners: 20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) 21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: 23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine: 24. On Nytol sleep aid: 25. On a string of Christmas lights: 26. On a food processor: 27. On Sainsbury's peanuts: 28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 29. On a Swedish chainsaw: 30. On a child's Superman costume: A Hispanic man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Hispanic man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The Hispanic man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen Pendejo...when I was born, I was brown, " "But you pendejo..." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" "Hell's not so bad if you get to keep an angel with you." Emmett Cullen Okay, i got nothing against blondes. Hair color has nothing to do with your personality but these are funny, no offense to blondes. This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field, The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.' The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field, 'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.' The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again. The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling, Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, 'These look like deer tracks,' They argued and argued for a quite while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. One day this blonde calls her friend and says, Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?' The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.' Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table. He studies them for a moment, then studies the box. He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.' She asks, 'Oh, how come?' He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these cornflakes back in the box.' A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. How do you drown a blonde? Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye? How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Why do blondes have 'TGIF' written on their shoes? Toes Go In First. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax? Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said 'Disneyland Left' so they turned around and went home. A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, 'Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!' The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, 'I think I'm the most beautiful of us three' and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money. The redhead stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most talented of us three,' and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Jaguar in her hands. Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...' and was promptly sucked into the mirror. The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident. Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women. So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you I hear your silence loud and clear Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children. Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow? How can i miss you if you never left? Education is important, school however, is another matter. Don’t mess with me I've got a stick. Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow. Boys are like knives, usefull but they'll cut you eventually If at first you don't succeed, sky divings not for you I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? Help I've fallen and i cant...hey nice carpet! A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life! Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality. Lifes Tough, get a helmet The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers? Only in America, do banks have braile on the drive-thru ATMs. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid? It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths The cops never find it as funny as you do YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. Total= 15 out of 26. Whoa O.O YOUR GIRL SIDE: You wear lip gloss/chapstick. You wear the color pink You like hanging out at the mall. (FOOD COURT! Or Designer Clothes stores.) Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. whoa, 5 out of 24. that is just sad. "This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper" – T.S. Eliot The devils are inside the walls I regret to announce that this is the end Tribute to The Potter's To Jame's Flower brave and loving till the end, who got her four years of laughter. To Prongs strong, true and brave till the end, who considered it the height of betrayal to mistrust his friends. both Gryffindors till the end, watching with love over Padfoot, Moony, and Prongslet. Misery truly does love company If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. -Socrates Among life's perpetually charming questions is whether the truly evil do more harm than the self-righteous and wrong. -Jon Margolis A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. -Bill Watterson Nobody should automatically deserve respect a person has to earn it no matter how important they are The willing, Destiny guides them; the unwilling, Destiny drags them. -Seneca the Younger The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. -George S. Patton Truth, justice, honor...none of that's worth shit. What matters is people, and people aren't honest or just or honorable. They're petty and they're angry and they're afraid, and all anyone really wants, deep down, is to be wanted. And what's truth to that? -M. Clark Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. -Henry Brooks Adams Question: Why does God allow evil in the world? Sri Ramakrishna: To thicken the plot. -Sri Ramakrishna I take a simple view of living. It is keep your eyes open and get on with it. -Sir Laurence Olivier If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. -Leo C. Rosten On the way back, they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms. -Douglas Adams sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but is also the funniest No matter what a man's past may have been, his future is spotless. -John R. Rice When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?" -Brady's First Law of Problem Solving Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. -Anonymous Committee- a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -Fred Allen "Did I do anything wrong today, or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?" –Douglas Adams Destiny is as destiny does. If you believe you have no control, then you have no control. -Wess Roberts A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else. -George Savile, Marquis of Halifax You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. -Margaret Thatcher Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody. -Samuel Pepys The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. -Mark Twain THE DOCTOR: Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another. -Doctor Who A man gazing on the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles on the road. -Alexander Smith Aziraphale patted Crowley on the back. "We seem to have survived," he said. "Just imagine how terrible it might have been if we'd been at all competent." -Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman And it's not cheating if it works and no one catches you If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -Dorothy Parker To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can have. -T.H. White He who has a strong enough why to live for, can bear almost any how. -Friedrich Nietzsche Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets. -Paul Tournier Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum. -- Screw you and the horse you rode in on. -Anonymous Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell, and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. -William Saroyan Think where man's glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends. -William Butler Yeats A man learns to skate by staggering about making a fool of himself; indeed, he progresses in all things by making a fool of himself. -George Bernard Shaw We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them. -Evelyn Waugh You can't make a person love you...you can only stalk them and hope for the best. -Anonymous He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh. -Qur'an Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. -Napoleon Bonaparte Maturity is knowing that just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean he's a horse's ass. -Harry S Truman No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately 1.5 billion Chinese couldn't care less. -Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom People are morons. I don't have any other explanation. I really don't. -Joss Whedon Thou call'dst me a dog before thou hadst a cause, but, since I am a dog, beware my fangs. -William Shakespeare Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrow which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. -Edna St. Vincent Millay Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves. -J. B. Priestley The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence. -Lyman Bryson Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking. -Tim McMahon If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. -J. Danforth Quayle TED: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar. ELAINE: When will you be back? TED: I can't tell you that. It's classified. -David Zucker (Airplane) The difference between news and gossip lies in whether you raise your voice or lower it. -Franklin P. Jones Every time I try to define a perfectly stable person, I am appalled by the dullness of that person. -J.D. Griffin The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, nobody wants to live any other way. -Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair. -Anonymous Always remember that there are certain people who set their watches by your clock. -Anonymous Violence may not be the best answer, but it'll do in a pinch I hadn't smoked in ten or twelve years, but I wished then I'd had a cigarette that I could have taken a final drag on and flipped still burning into the river as I turned and walked away. Not smoking gains in the area of lung cancer, but it loses badly in the realm of dramatic gestures. -Robert Parker He makes no friend who never made a foe. -Alfred, Lord Tennyson All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -Sean O'Casey if the worlds a stage, men need better lines But you do the job that's in front of you, or people die. -Terry Pratchett The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. -Alice Walker Before you set out for revenge, be sure to dig two graves. -Chinese proverb When a mystery is too overpowering, one dare not disobey. -Antoine de Saint-Exupèry "We would like to live as we once lived, but history will not permit it." -John F. Kennedy "Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it." "Time keeps everything from happening at once. Space keeps everything from happening to you." –Unknown "If a man knows not what harbor he seeks, any wind is the right wind." – Seneca "It's déjà vu all over again." – Yogi Berra "What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." – T. S. Eliot Into the Twilight And God stands winding His lonely horn, And time and the world are ever in flight; And love is less kind than the grey twilight, And hope is less dear than the dew of the morn. William Butler Yeats "The fatal flaw in every plan is the assumption that you know more than your enemy." Volrath White is the color of temptation and innocence, purity and civility. People characterized by this color love life and longevity but do so without excess or grandeur. Some see white as childish – a return to youth – but others know it to be filled with focus and a desire to live an uncluttered life. White is for the honest, the righteous and eager, the decent and civil-minded who will stand up to protect justice and honor. It is the color of plains and temples, the color of the scholar and the virtuous knight alike. White is for those who believe in a cause and believe in themselves, for those unafraid to stand up in the face of adversity. Green is the balance between extremes. Those who favor green are solid people with easy manners. They aren't impulsive, as are those who favor red, or withdrawn like those who favor blue. Those associated with green are socially well-adjusted and organic. They are conventional, yet constantly on the go, and have a taste for the good things in life. Green has, on occasion, been associated with jealousy or inexperience, but those who have a broader understanding know that green is natural, fresh, wise, and comforting, and those characterized by it show a sensitivity to social customs and etiquette. Green provides abundance and resources, it is passive and combative at the same time, and calls to those who want to be grounded in their natural surroundings. Red is the color of release, the hue of outward expression and excitement. It is hard to be indifferent about red. It may be loved or feared, but it is seldom disregarded. It is characterized as aggressive, vigorous, and given to impulse and mood. Those associated with red are sometimes accused of lacking patience or possessing a quick temper, but red also embodies a fervent passion and feeling for fellow beings. Red is signified by fire, blood, lava, and emotion. It manifests itself as bursts of outward expression and outspoken tirades. Red characterizes whose who know what needs to be done and aren't afraid to do it, for those who want results and action instead of deliberation and debate, for those who like the cathartic pleasures of the flame. Black, the symbol of death and despair, can be characterized as morbid, impatient, incorporeal, and stagnant. It is the color of pollution and pestilent, festering swamps. Those who show fondness for this color are not the type to show off. They will impress those worthy of their time by their real substance and weight. Black leans on the side of misery and darkness, but can at the same time be mighty and dignified. Black is a stark color, the beacon of nothingness, but those who favor this color abhor inevitability. They would hold to the present forever if they could and they will probably try. Black is for those who hide their darker side behind an air of sophistication, for those who lurk in alleyways and dark corners. Above all, Black is for those who are willing to pay the price of greatness. Blue, sometimes called the color of distinction, is characterized by calm hands and a reflective mind. A natural sedative, blue is the color of deliberation and introspection, conservatism and acceptance. Blue has almost universal appeal and is considered to be the most aesthetically appealing color. Blue is the color of respect and wisdom. But those who lean toward blue sometimes use reason for selfish and self-justified purposes. It is the color of control and passive aggression as well as the color of the sea and the sky. Blue is for those contemplative people who exercise caution in words and actions and for those who always weigh the options. There's such a sad love There's such a fooled heart As the pain sweeps through, I'll paint you mornings of gold As the pains sweeps through Falling "Colder than blue snow Light or hateful care Whether it's true or false No one . . . ever . . . knows" "Without publicity there can be no public support, and without public support every nation must decay." - Benjamin Disraeli quote (British Prime Minister and Novelist. 1804-1881) "Do not pity the dead Harry, pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love." - Dumbledore "Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily -- weak people, in other words..." - Snape "To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." - Dumbledore "What exactly is the function of a rubber duck"- Arthur Weasley "You think the dead we love ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble?" -Dumbledore "Well, well . . . I'm impressed. That suggests what you fear most of all is -- fear. Very wise, Harry." - Lupin "People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right." - Dumbledore And Lastly... "Cinderella? What's that, an illness?" -Ron Weasley *History becomes legend. Legend becomes myth, and that things that should not be forgotten are lost. *No one is more fully enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free *Rule Through Fear generally means you're too incompetent to rule via anything else Your safety is your own responsibility. Trusting someone else to guard your life makes you no better than a slave. You do not have to seek a war for it to find you. If everyone who wanted peace was left alone by those who didn't the world would have nothing in its history that we would recognize today. But it should be obvious to you that we do not live in such a world. We never have, nor will we. The nature of evil is such that it will always bring suffering and death where it can. Those who bring evil with them will always bring force to bear to compel compliance. When one is faced with them you may either choose to resist or become a willing victim. If you chose to resist, know that you will have to counter their force, and that will require some force of your own. Your strategy will dictate how much, but more is always welcome, and having less is not a virtue. The capacity to fight should always be sought by those who desire peace. to learn about one thing, discover how it affects other things. George Martin - “I don't concern myself over whether my characters are "likeable" or "sympathetic." My interest is in trying to make them real and human. If I can create a fully-fleshed three-dimensional character, some of my readers will like him/ her, or some won't, and that's fine with me. That's the way real people react to real people in the real world, after all. Look at the range of opinions we get on politicans and movie stars. If EVERYONE likes a certain character, or hates him, that probably means he's made of cardboard.” The easiest way to let evil triumph, is for the good to sit by and do nothing. "I hate writing, I love having written." - unknown She's trying to cup the sky in her hand, but it keeps sliding through her fingertips. She's falliing out of every tree she ever tried to climb, and is failing miserably at trying to smile through it all. So she'll just burn ever bridge she's ever crossed, and this time next year, she won't be the same person she was before. She's pretty, she's smart, and she's mastered the art of apathy. She's practically a robot. Her name is Amy, she's 16, and she lives in Florida. Break her heart one more time and she'll finally break in half. hp character extended 6 word challenge lily potter to serverus snape You just couldn't let go of a school boy grudge, could you Sev? Regulus Black to Sirius Black You're proud of me now, right? or I did what you would have done and this time i did it because i believed in what i was doing. "What if it didn't matter if you were a Christian or a Jew or a Buddhist or a wiccan or a... a transcendentalist? What if all those roads led to the same place." -Shay Bourne, Change of Heart "And the ones who are really monsters, the ones they don't ever want walking around near their wives and children again-the ones like me-well, those they get to dispose of. Because it's easier than admitting there isn't much difference between them and me." -Shay Bourne, Change of Heart "Shay looked squarely at me. 'If you want to know what makes someone a killer,' he said, 'ask yourself what would make you do it.'" -Shay Bourne, Change of Heart "The more you think you're right, the likelier you are to be wrong." - Ian Fletcher, Change of Heart "An athiest's got more in common with a christian, since he believes you can know whether or not god exists- but where a Christian says absolutely, the athiest says absolutely not. For me, and any other agnostic- the jury's still out. Religion is intriguing, but in a historical sense. A man should live his life in a certain way not because of some divine authority, but because of a personal moral obligation to himself and others." -Ian Fletcher, Change of Heart Fate decides until challenged by the fated. - Beautiful Creatures Night World Oath When I see a girl with Cancer, I will remember Poppy North. When I see James Dean, I will think of James Rasmussen. When I look up at the stars, I will see Mary-Lynnette Carter. When I see a lazy cat, I will remeber Ash Redfern. When I see sibiling rivalry, I will see Blaise and Thea Harmon. When I see an animal, I will think of Eric Ross. When I see snow, I will remember Gillain Harmen. When I think of Heaven, I will remember Gary(Angel). When I see something burn black, I will think of David Blackburn When I see an orphan, I will think of Rashel Jordan. When I see a cold hearted and lonely man, I will remember John Quinn. When I get deja vu, I will think of Hannah Snow. When I see sadness in someones eyes, I will remember Thierry Descouedres. When I see fire, I will see Jezbel Redfern. When I see someone being cocky, I will think of Morgead Blackthorn. When I someone who's determined, I will remember Maggie Neeley. When I see royalty, I will think of Delos Redfern. When I see a black cat, I will see Raksha Keller. When I see a golden Lepard, I will see Galen Drache. DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: A stranger stabs you in the front I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep I'm not insensitive, I just don't care Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over. A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught. Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid? I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives. Slinky Escalator = Endless fun! Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling? Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing. Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face. I see regular people! Run for your lives! Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete. You say physco like it's a bad thing... Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you? I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms. Cute but psycho - things even out. If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em. Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had! You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me. What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding. If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!" I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Love your enemies. It pisses them off. The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas... I intend to live forever...so far so good Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again Embrace the inner rebel - don't sit up straight Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you I am not weird... just plotting I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it. Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried. Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you Can't wait for Strange Fate, Copy and paste this to your profile If you think Rashel Jordan is better than Bella Swan copy and paste this onto your profile. Your a book-aholic if... You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. You write fanfictions about the book. You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else in the entire world) to read it. Everything reminds you of the book. You quote random lines all the time. You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. (like, um, magic powers, or trying to change into a panther, YAY KELLER!!!) You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class You've read a book more than five times. You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. You've planned and prepared a seige on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional (e.g. Too bad Quinn is fictional) You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.(Who wouldn't??) You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character. Your idol is a character from a book. How to survive a Horror movie When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone. As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead. If you are searching for something which caused a loud noise and you find out it’s just the cat, leave the room immediatey if you value your life. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out. Do not take *anything* from the dead. If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away. Don’t fool around with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing. If you’re running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible. Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine. If your car runs out of gas late at night, don’t go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any device made from deceased companions. Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be. Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins. If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion. Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface. The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat. The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat. Along with the guy that is always making jokes When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights! Never back out of one room into another without looking. It’s always behind you. If you are traveling with friends, never let any hitch hikers into the van with you. It’ll be the worst (if not the last) day of your life. Never babysit.There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already. If you ARE stupid enough to babysit, never try on the mom’s nightgown collection. You’ll only end up showing more skin. Remember: Skin=Death. If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He’ll just pop through and kill you. Same goes for leaning against the window. If you are at your Senior prom, and the school reject has just won prom queen, slowly back away and run for the exit. All hell is about to break loose. If you are a stoner among other stoners, be the quiet one or the lovable one. All the other stoners will be killed. If the killer has stalked you over the phone lines, don’t take a job as a phone counselor. Never let someone hypnotize you at a party. Stay away from sewers. If you sense something is behind you, don’t bother turning around to check. Just run. If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any. After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. It will suddenly pop back up to finish the job. Never go to camp or become a counselor. You’ll be dead by the end of summer. Never say “I’ll be right back.” You won’t be back. End of story. Don’t ever do something just because someone dares you to. If you ever visit some distant planet and find objects that look like eggs, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! Then when one of your spaceship’s crew members finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of breaking the pervious rule), don’t let him back on the ship. When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of breaking the previous two rules) NEVER wander off alone to hunt for the ship’s cat. If someone tells you to do or not to something (example: DON’T fall asleep, DON’T go out there, DON’T go look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath by yourself) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!! A small town’s little summer celebration might sound like fun. But if you hear the locals say things like, “Why you’re the guest of honor! We couldn’t even have the barbecue with out you!”, run like hell. If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone. Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school. Clowns never have, nor will they ever be helpful to hang around while in a horror movie. As harmless as the might seem, they WILL kill you once you let your guard down. Never go back for anything you lost. Avoid people with pointy teeh. Avoid people with lots of facial hair. Avoid people with pale complexions who sway and moan, If the barber remarks on the “666″ tattoo your kid has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk. If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a chainsaw, DO NOT stick around to see if he’s with the Philadelphia Flyers. Never buy your kid a toy that talks back. Remember: Just say “NO” to human blood. Never watch a horror movie while you’re in a horror movie. Never, under any circumstance, plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th. Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been funny. If the young girls of the neighborhood start singing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving. If you hit a man with a car in the middle of the night and try to roll him off of a dock, make sure that he is dead! Never EVER play with any Ouijia board that you find in the basement of your newly bought, run-down house. Never run into a deserted graveyard at night, If you are running away from the killer/monster, don’t even try to start the car. It doesn’t matter if the car is brand new, it won’t start. If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better. For pete’s sake…NEVER stick your hand down the garbage disposal. Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing. Don’t marry a guy that has Satan Worshippers as friends. They will want you to birth the new Anti-Christ. Never answer the phone when you are babysititng. Just get the hell out of there and leave the kids for dead. If you think you see your girlfriend/boyfriend and they are wearing a mask, not talking, or conspicuously hiding their face, it’s not them. Don’t be mean to the new kid. They will just end up killing you. If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let’s say a severed head falling to the floor, don’t go trying to find out what it is. Never touch something that just oozed out of a comet that landed near an abandoned farm house. When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There’s no hope for you anyway. Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it’s loaded. If you have to stay out in the woods or at camp you’re pretty much screwed. But at least you’ll have a fighting chance in the cabin. Never EVER take the tent. Never try to unmask the killer. Never hide in a closet. If you buried your child in a strange place and he came back as a demon, DON’T bury your wife in the same place. If you find the mangled body of a friend, camping partner, janitor, or whom ever, don’t stay and investigate. Run like hell. Don’t spend a lot of time in houses decorated with an excessive amount of medivel weaponry. It will be used eventually. Don’t make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees. If you are going to the bathroom in a movie theatre and you think you hear a guy and a girl making out in the stall next to you, don’t put your ear closer to the wall to listen. If you see a short guy wearing green and wearing a shamrock hat, I wouldn’t stick around to ask about his pot of gold. Never transport the killer in an ambulance from one place to another. Even if they’ve been in a coma for 10 years, they’ll wake up. Never listen to strange voices on the telephone. Never say “Who’s there?” If your hand has been possesed by the Force of Evil, do NOT chop off your hand. Doing so will merely allow the disembodied hand the freedom to wreak havoc independent of your body. And now you have to spend the rest of the film trying to track it down, If you have a feeling you’ll end up being chased by zombies during the night, remember to wear comfortable running shoes. After babysitting, don’t walk down any deserted streets with lots of trees and bushes, but no lights. If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed. Always check the backseat of your car before you get in. When running away from the killer/monster, NEVER run upstairs. If you see someone who is within screaming distance while running from the killer/monster, for the love of god, SCREAM!! If a giant shark is chasing your family, don’t go swimming. Actually, stay away from the water, period. If you are babysitting, don’t let the kids play with the Chucky doll. If one night you see a dark haired girl carrying around dolls with the eyes scratched out, back away slowly, then run like hell. If you go to your school library and there are a lot of books having to do with vampires and demons…move away ASAP If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good: A. The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are. B. The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway. C. The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you think you are safe…he will kill you. If the locals say the camp is haunted, it probably is. If people in your neighborhood have been disapearing and there’s talk about a surge of any type of insect…move. Stuborn home owners always die. When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don’t just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!! Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study “it,” or take “it” back to the corporate masters, or learn from “it” at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he’s going to sacrifice you anyway. If the killer if after you and you somehow manage to knock him down, If the movie is directed by someone named Wes Craven or John Carpenter, you’re pretty much screwed. If the killer/monster is dead, don’t dig up his grave to try to do a final resurrection. He will only come back to life. If you disobey the previous rule, don’t try cutting off his head or anything If the killer is standing three feet in front of you, don’t just stand there and scream while he comes running towards you. It may comes as a shock, but he DOES in fact want to kill you. A female should never wear a white shirt without a bra while escaping the monster. It will only increase your chances of falling and causing a freak rainstorm that will make your shirt transparent and result in your immediate death. If you live in Maine and your hometown includes a clown driving a car he calls Christine with a large ,rabid St. Bernard in the backseat, while residing in an old, haunted hotel near a strange Pet Semetary and hangs out with teenage girls with telekenetic powers….you’re pretty much screwed. If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it’s in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed. Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! My reality check bounced. I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth. I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying? Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Caution: Handicapped people will be eaten by crocodiles below. Out of my mind, please leave a message. Hate... A kind of love given to people who are dumb. If you don't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. When you’re stressed just... YODEL! Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now. Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. I'm cool, you're cool... but if you hug me, I'll slap you silly. People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers. Be crazy... well behaved girls never made history. My imaginary friend thinks you have problems. I hope you choke on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me. I am absolutely awesome (agree or die) Caution, water on road during rain. WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus. Oh no! Barney's gone pimp! What has the world come to? The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth. Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan... Girl, are you sure you weren't made in China? If two people are happy together, then leave them to it. It's THEIR lives. Hey mom!?!... WHAT!!!!! ...woah, nevermind then!! To be old and wise, you first must be young and foolish. "Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." Without music, life would be a mistake." "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." "If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell." "THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL 1. We are here to help you. TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL 1. You will use algebra in your adult lives. "Where there is love there is life." "Don't think or judge, just listen." "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." It's kind of fun to do the impossible." "Who are you to judge the life I live? "No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater...The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that's the key. It's like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot." "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." "I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework...procrastinating and negotiation." "Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous. "calvin: dad where do babies come from? "Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse." "There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment." "To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." "Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend." "We’re sick of hearing people say, “That band is so gay,” or “Those guys are fags.” Gay is not a synonym for shitty. If you wanna say something’s shitty, say it’s shitty. Stop being such homophobic assholes." "Here's to the kids. The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke & Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party. live for today, die for tomorrow many quotes to still come (soon) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I know you've spent all morning listening to Mr. Broygo talk; I know you're hungry; what I need to tell you won't take very long at all. I don't like Alexander Cullen. I don't think he's a nice person. I don't expect you to like him. He's been a terrible husband to all three of his wives; he's been a destructive force in the lives of his stepchildren; he's cheated the city, his partners, his employees... So I don't like him. I'm going to tell you some things during the course of this trial that are going to make you like him even less. But this isn't a popularity contest; it's a murder know what scares me? I quit the case, she gets better, and I hate her for 're right. I did it all. I let her go. Alice LomaxBehold I send you out as sheep amidst the wolves. DialogueKevin Lomax: "Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven", is that it?John Milton: Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections. I'm a fan of man. I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. [In Milton's Penthouse…] Kevin Lomax: [quietly] Is there more to it?Eddie Barzoon: Just this room.Kevin Lomax: And a bedroom?Eddie Barzoon: No bedroom.Kevin Lomax: Where does he sleep?Eddie Barzoon: Who said he sleeps?Kevin Lomax: Where does he fuck?John Milton: [coming up to them] Everywhere!! Kevin Lomax: It's a test right? Pam: Isn't everything? Kevin Lomax: Are we negotiating? John Milton: Always. John Milton: Oh, I have so many names.Kevin Lomax: Satan.John Milton: Call me Dad. "Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist." Kenneth Boulding "First they came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me." Martin Neimoller, Germany, 1945 "Sometimes, the dragon wins." Mike Carter, former PHS Teacher "One's man's catastrophe is another man's opportunity." Arab Proverb "Slowly, the animals looked from man to pig and from pig to man and from man to pig again, but already it was impossible to say which was which." George Orwell, Animal Farm "I will show you fear in a handful of dust." T.S. Eliot, The Wasteland "One of the most profound tragedies of human existence is to live at the end of a golden age - and know it." M.K. Wren, A Gift Upon the Shore "This is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause." Star Wars, Episode III, Revenge of the Sith "They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Shit, it's raining!'" Cold Mountain "The appearance of law must be upheld, especially when it's being broken." Gangs of New York "Your motto is service. Back on the farm, when I heard that the bull was 'servicing' the cows, I looked behind the barn. And, gentlemen, what the bull was doing to the cow is exactly what you people have been doing to the public all these years." Will Rogers to the Board of Directors of Standard Oil, as quoted by Morris K. Udall, 1988 "No woman can call herself free who does not own and control her own body. No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother." Margaret Sanger "Adults, light-years away from this, rolled their eyes and smirked and said, "this too shall pass" - as if adolescence was a disease like chicken pox, something everyone recalled as a mild nuisance, completely forgetting how painful it had been at the time." "I don't belong to a religion. Religion's the reason the world's falling apart..." That's what religion does. It points a finger. It causes wars. It breaks apart countries. It's a petri dish for stereotypes to grow in. Religion's not about being holy," Shay said. "Just holier-than-thou." "Somewhere along the line, organized religion stopped being about faith, and started being about who had the power to keep the faith. You said that the purpose of religion was to bring people together. But does it, really? Or does it-knowingly, purposefully, and intentionally--break them apart?" Of course I'm out of my mind..It's dark and scary in there! |
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