RIP Sir Terrence David John Pratchett (28 April 1984-12 March 2015)

AND YET THE TURTLE STILL MOVES...

Hello, my name is Goodking0, but you can simply refer to me as "Your Majesty."

Let's begin...

DEPRESSING WARNING OF FAILURE

Sometimes, I feel so much depressed, that I'd like to hug a Dalek just to feel a bit better...

SUPER LEGENDARY WARNING OF DOOM

My humor tends to be... Evil.

You've been warned.

- Zalgo Is Coming -

KNEEL, MORTALS, FOR THE KING IS HERE!!!!!

I used to have some religious crap before here. And when I say religious, I mean a "Warhammer 40.000 stile" kind of religion. Where's now? Let's just say that after the sixth demonic outbreak in my lair, I kind of preferred to cancel it.

Now, first thing first.

You don't know me. I could be anyone. I could be anything. I could be anywhen.

What you know, is that I'm male (You know, I'm the King) and that I'm now in Italy, AND THAT ENGLISH ISN'T MY SPOKEN LANGUAGE.

Other than that, I could very well be An eldritch horror from the dawn of time banished by an ancient alliance of pagan gods in the ether and that AFTER 10000 YEARS I'M FREE... TO WRITE FANFICTIONS!!!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I've also got Asperger.

And that's about it.

Returning serious (If not sane).

All my Community fics are DEAD AND UP TO ADOPTION (like the show itself).

The only fanfic I will update is the Harry Potter Harem one and the Overlord one, so live with it.

UPDATES WILL BE SLOW. VERY, VERY SLOW. BUT HAVE FAITH, PEOPLE, CAUSE ONE DAY I WILL POST.

FROM THE BOOKS OF THE KING OF TRAVELS, BOOK 5, CHAPTER 10,

And So The Squirrel Goddess Said To Her Disciples, "Maybe it's just me, but I'm not crazy about Fanfictions where everything's all dark and moody. Personally, I like the ones where good guys fight giant apes on the moon and stuff. Remember those? I do. That was back when Fanfiction Worlds were places you wanted to escape to... not from."

SHIPS

Jeff/Annie (Community). (My first active ship!)

Oliver/Felicity (Arrow). (Darkseiddammit I must be a masochist...)

Smoaking Canarrow (Oliver/Felicity/Sara) wouldn't be bad too...

Stiles/Lydia (Teen Wolf) (Good Gods I'm such a girl...)

Doctor K/Ziggy and Summer/Dillon (Power Rangers RPM). (DAMN YOU LINKARA!!!)

Deadpool/Shiklah (Marvel). (He earned it...)

Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson/Felicia Hardy/Gwen Stacey (Spider-Man). (I don't care who gets together with him, as long as it's either one, two, of all three of those lovely ladies, I'm happy...)

Jindrax/Toxica (Power Rangers Wild Force). (Great Gods, I used to ship those two ever since I was I a small and young sapling...)

Susan Sto Helit/Lobsang Ludd, Angua Von Uberwald/Carrot Ironfounderson... Basically, every Canon Ship ever existed in Discworld.

Champion/Helia/Kiha (Corruption of Champions). (Great game, let me tell you...)

- Death Upon The Mortal Land -

STEALTH PUN

Veela are usually considered some kind of bird girls that can throw fireballs in Fandom. Is this a reference to them all being Hot Chicks?

IT'S RANTING TIME! (DRESSES AS DOWNFALL!HITLER)

POSITIVE RANTS

GINNY BASHING/HERMIONE PRAISING RANT

Now, first things first.

I’m not an H/Hr shipper.

Hell, I don’t actually care about Scarhead Love Life.

For as much as I care, Scarhead could have very well died and entered in an ethereal relationship with Moaning Myrtle, and I wouldn't even bat an eye at that.

That being said:

I seriously don't get all the shit Ginny gets in Fanon.

Really, what has she done so bad in Canon?

She got possessed by a creepy teen from the forties, got out with four boys (I count Neville too) during her Hogwarts career, acted all fangirlish with Harry WHEN SHE WAS FREAKING TWELVE, looked like Harry's mom and then... What?

Now, I can understand that people might find a bit jarring her getting together with Potter without any kind of warning, with her suddenly appearing during Book 6 all special and friendly, with Blaise Fucking Zabini stringing his praise for her, but...

That doesn't mean she's evil.

It might mean she's a Sue, sure, but then you have to count Hermione as evil too.

I mean...

1- She got out with 4 boys during her Hogwarts career (Count Harry too), going out with one of them OUT OF FREAKING SPITE!

2- Hermione acted all bossy on Harry and Ron during the two boys Hogwarts Career. Now, I'm not saing that's a bad thing (Tiamath only knows how soon would have those two idiots died without her), but she still (EDIT: What the hell was I suppose to say here?)

3- SHE SCARED A 15 YEARS OLD GIRL FOR FREAKING LIFE. THOSE SCARS WILL NEVER FADE FROM MARIETTA'S FOREHEAD, PEOPLE, AND THAT'S JUST BECAUSE SHE PRATTLED ON AN ILLEGAL SCHOOL CLUB TO AN AUTHORITY FIGURE IN ORDER TO SAVE HER MOTHER'S JOB! YES, THE AUTHORITY FIGURE WAS UMBRIDGE, BUT STILL!

(DUMBLEDORE EVEN GOT THE NERVE TO MINDRAPE HER (Marrietta) AFTERWARDS!)

4- Do you know why Snape seemed to be a dick to Hermione? Because she reminded him of Lily. She saw, in her friendship with Harry, the same (To Him) auto-destructive relationship Lily got with James. No Kidding.

Hermione is not a Saint, and Ginny is not a Whore.

They're both two woman with different personalities and stuff, neither good or evil, like all human being.

And that's about it.

HERMIONE BEING DUMBLEDORE'S SPY RANT

Okay, time to change sides here...

Why the hell would Hermione be "Dumbledore's Pawn in his master plan of manipulations"?

When the hell did he recruit her?

She's a freaking Wildcard, people! She met Harry purely by chance, and got friends with him because of *Voice of Legion* THAT FILTHY, LAZY, SELF-CENTERED, HALF-HASSED PARODY OF A JERK-OFF *Returns Normal* and the Troll (WHO HAS BETTER MANNERS THEN... Okay, I stop now...).

You can say... Ahem, you can say that, maybe, he got to her, let's say, during the girl third, maybe fourth year, fooling her by telling her that, by spying on Harry for him, she's actually helping Harry in some way...

She might very well believe that.

CHO BASHING RANT

SHE LOST HER BOYFRIEND, YOU ASSHOLES! HE DIED BY THE HANDS OF A SELF-GLORIFIED MAGICAL NAZI, A MAN WHOSE SOLE NAME HAD STROKE FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF BRAVER MEN, AND SHE SEES IN HARRY... I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING! SOME WEIRD FREUDIAN EXCUSE OR SOME OTHER!

SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE THE HELL WAS STATED IN CANON THAT SHE WAS THE ONE WHO CONSTANTLY STOLE LUNA'S STUFF? I THOUGHT THE NARGLES WHERE THE ONE WHO DID IT! OR AT LEAST LUNA'S ROOMMATES, WHO ARE FOURTH YEARS BY THE TIME OF OotP, WHILE CHO IS A SIXTH YEAR!

YOU CAN SAY SHE TURNED A BLIND EYE ON THE ABUSE DESPITE HER BEING A PREFECT AND ALL, BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT!

AND IF YOU START BASHING HER ABOUT THAT, THEN YOU SHOULD VERY WELL START BASHING ALL THE OTHER BLOODY RAVENCLAW PREFECTS, ALONG WITH RON FRAGGING WEASLEY FOR TURNING A BLIND ON HIS OWN BROTHERS MISGIVINGS!

Speaking of which...

NEGATIVE RANTS (MWAHAHAHAHA)

WEASLEY TWINS RANT

(For the series "Unpopular Opinions")

First things first.

Fred and George are good people.

They fought the good fight against the forces of evil and lost more than anyone should ever lose.

That being said...

They're bullies.

They are frakking bullies.

They're basically like Luna's Roommates, the only difference is that they have the whole student and teacher body under their bullying thumb.

And what's worst...

... AND WHAT'S WORST IS THAT THEY EXPERIMENTED THEIR PRODUCTS ON FIRST YEARS! FIRST YEARS! SOME OF THEM DIDN'T EVEN KNEW WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE TESTING!

Now, I know that they had already experimented their products on themselves (It's a wonder they hadn't turned one in Green Goblin and the other in Mesogog already...) but still...

WHAT IF ONE OF THE FIRSTIES WAS ALLERGIC TO ONE OF THE INGREDIENTS? OR ONE OF THE VICTIMS OF A SNEEZING POWDER PRANK HAD ASTHMA AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT (Credit to Silently Watches for that one)? WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED THEN?

AZKABAN, THAT'S WHAT!

BLOOD WARDS RANT

THE BLOOD WARDS SUCK!

Let me articulate.

Harry's Blood Wards doesn't permit Voldemort or anyone bearing his mark to either enter Privet Drive, or to attack the habitation.

Period.

No, seriously, that's about it.

Such a great protection in exchange of more of ten years of abuse, isn't it?

What would have happen if they had to attack him while he was in Muggle School, or at Mrs. Figg? What would have happened if he somehow managed to get a friend, and one day decided to sleep over to him? What would have happen if a rich bastard went to Vernon at work and bribed him with a bag of gold in exchange of the boy? What would have happen if they had hired a Muggle assassin? Or Imperiused Someone? What...

TOO MANY VARIABLES!

AND TO PROVE MY POINT, HARRY GOT ATTACKED, OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE, BY TWO DEMENTORS, AND NEARLY GOT KILLED BY THEM.

IF ONLY HAD THEY SHOWED UP WHEN HE WAS STILL SIX...

- God Isn't Here -

VOLDEMORT BEING DANGEROUS RANT

Now, don't get me wrong, I think Voldemort was a great Villain...

... In his small.

I mean, let's face it, the guy has accomplished nothing. He managed, what? 15, 20 years of Terror? Only to be then defeated by a 1 years old boy? Only to then raise from the dead, kill some random people, govern a country for barely a year, and be defeated again?

And you see, that's Voldemort's problem.

He thinks small.

He's content with his blind terrorizing of a small minority of people in a single European country, all the while preaching about the so-called extermination of everything that's Muggle.

And then?

I mean, let's say the Idiot manages to conquer magical Britain, and let's say he manages (In some obscure, stupid world where Muggles are useless) the total extermination of everything that is Muggle in said country (Thus reducing the number of his already spare numbers of subjects)...

And then what?

He starts conquering France?

Too bad, since there's something called International Confederation of Wizards that would not take kindly such a thing.

How could he, an immortal bastard with 100, maybe 200 followers (And that's being generous) (Half of whom Batshit insane, half of whom following him only out of fear, all of whom not knowing what the hell a Gun is) defeat the combined efforts of every other magical country in the world?

Okay, let's say he doesn't invade France, and stays in his little island with his 200 followers...

Until some trigger happy Muggle country (I'm looking at you, U.S.A. Vatican City North Corea) sinks Great Britain in the ocean with a preemptive barrage of bombs.

Of course, that's if Famine doesn't get them first (How many of those idiots do you think knows how to plow a field? House Elf can do only that much).

You see, that's why I don't buy people telling me that Voldemort was an actual threat to the civilized world, and that all of the wizarding world cowered in fear at his name.

He's just a small dictator with delusions of grandeur in a crappy banana republic (I mean Magical Britain, Guys).

He was Magical Cromwell, basically.

Scratch that, Cromwell at least managed to steal Christmas (Now, THAT'S what I call an achievement).

Now, do you know who was a far better Dark Lord/Villain than him?

Gellert Fucking Grindelwald!

Who did defeat him? Albus Fucking Dumbledore, probably before his dementia truly started to kick in.

What did he (Grindelwald) accomplish? World War II

That's right, he INDIRECTLY managed to bring forth the horrors of World War II, guys, and I know that I'm probably invoking Godwin's Law here, but I don't care.

Can Voldemort really say to have accomplished something as horrifying as Indirectly Causing The Holocaust?

Why the hell doesn't people fear Grindelwald's name instead? He's canonically still alive! He's in prison, yes, but Kingpin still managed to orchestrate Aunt May's Assassination from Prison, thus indirectly bringing forth the events of One More Day...

Okay, scratch that, Kingpin is a far better Dark Lord than Grindelwald.

DUMBLEDORE BEING STILL COMPETENT AND NOT SENILE AT ALL RANT

Dumbledore is not Evil, since he genuinely believe himself to be the Big Good of the world.

Dumbledore is not Manipulative, since he has always told the truth.

Dumbledore is just old.

You know Dumbledore Grandfatherly's facade? the one who says silly stuff like "Alas, earwax" and shit?

That's not a facade.

That's him.

He's a 151-ish old man addicted to lemon drops and Phoenix Song, of course he's senile, and of course he's not suitable anymore to his many positions of power!

- CUPCAKES! -

MALFOY RANT

Why the hell does people like Draco Malfoy (And by extent his bloody mother)?

Seriously, Why the hell does people keep putting him in those fucking leather pants?

I mean...

WHY?

People usually brings up Books 6 and 7 at this point.

WHY?!

WHAT'S IN THOSE BOOKS THAT SHOULD MAKE HIM WORTHY OF REDEMPTION?!

HIS RELUCTANCE IN KILLING DUMBLEDORE?

WHAT RELUCTANCE?!

THE IDIOT WAS PERFECTLY FINE IN KILLING HIM BY INDIRECT MEANS! EVEN WORST, HE WAS PERFECTLY FINE WITH USING UNFORGIVABLES ON SOME FELLOW CLASSMATES AND HAVING INNOCENT CAUSALITIES!

BECAUSE, LET'S FACE IT, WHEN SOMEONE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO TACKLE A DYING OLD MAN TO THE GROUND, THUS FRACTURING SEVERAL OF HIS RIBS WITH A SINGLE, QUICK SHOVE AND PROBABLY PARALYZING HIM FOR LIFE IF NOT WORST (BECAUSE, LET'S FACE IT, DUMBLEDORE IS OLD, AND OLD PEOPLE TENDS TO BE PARTICULARLY FRAGILE), ALL THE WHILE BEING PERFECTLY FINE IN KILLING SEVERAL PEOPLE WITH A CONVOLUTED TRAP, YOU'RE NOT RELUCTANT!

YOU'RE A COWARD!

AND DON'T COME HERE AND TELL ME THAT HE UNDERSTOOD THE ERRORS OF HIS WAYS, BECAUSE HE FUCKING DIDN'T!

HE DIDN'T SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT THE PUREBLOOD WAY WAS WRONG AND THAT MUGGLEBORNS WERE PEOPLE TOO, HE JUST UNDERSTOOD THAT VOLDEMORT WAY WAS WRONG!

HE STILL THINKS MUDBLOODS TO BE SECOND CLASS CITIZENS AND SHIT, HE JUST DOESN'T OPENLY ADMIT IT HAS HE KILLS THEM IN THE STREETS!

And then there's him and his family weaseling their way out of Azkaban.

What.

Just What.

Seriously, what's wrong with the Wizarding World?!

I mean... THEY WERE MARKED! THEY WERE OPENLY SHOWN TO BE MARKED!

HOW THE HELL DID THEY MANAGED TO GET OUT OF IT?!

AND DON'T COME HERE AND TELL ME THAT THEY WERE SPARED BECAUSE OF THEIR HEEL FACE TURN...

WHAT HEEL FACE TURN, FOR FRAG SAKE?!

NARCISSA MALFOY HELPED OUR HEROES! ONCE! AND NOT BECAUSE HE BELIEVED IN OUR HEROES' CAUSE, BUT BECAUSE SHE FEARED FOR HER SON LIFE!

AND EVEN THEN, IT DOESN'T MAGICALLY DELETE ALL OF THOSE IDIOTS CRIMES!

Let's make a comparison to another franchise.

In "Injustice: Gods Amongs Us: The Videogame", Flash betrays the Regime (AKA "The Bad Guys") because Regime Superman, being the Dick all Supermen in the Multiverse are, cold-blodedly killed Captain Marvel, better known as SHAZAM! (Lighting Strikes), in front of Flash's and the other regime members' eyes.

(Fun Fact: SHAZAM! (Lighting Strikes) IS ACTUALLY A 10 YEARS OLD KID)

Now, Flash's help reveals itself to be kind of instrumental in the insurrection's plan of bringing down Superman's regime, however...

HE STILL GOT ARRESTED FOR THE CRIMES HE COMMITTED DURING THE VARIOUS YEARS IN WHICH HE WAS A BLOODY MEMBER OF SUPERMAN EVIL REGIME!

BECAUSE HIS SINGLE GOOD DEED DIDN'T AUTOMATICALLY OVERWRITE ALL THE SHIT HE PULLED WHILE BEING PART OF THE BAD GUYS' FORCES!

Same thing should have happened to the bloody Malfoys, I say...

"IS HARRY POTTER RUNNING ON IDIOT PLOTS?" RANT

The answer is yes.

Okay, first, we have the whole Secret Keeper bullshit.

Why wasn't Dumbledore the secret keeper? The only reason I can think of is that he was the one who casted the Fidelius Charm, but in that case, Why didn't Dumbledore know that Peter was the secret keeper? And if he wasn't, what kind of protection did he offer to the Potters, since the only other person who could have pulled it off was Lily Prodigy in Charms Potter? Why wasn't James/Lily the secret keeper (Bill was the Secret Keeper for Shell Cottage, so no shit, it's canon they could have done it)? Why wasn't Frank Longbottom the Secret Keeper for Godric's Hollow while James was the secret keeper for Longbottom Manor? Why...

Then there's the whole second year stupidity (I condone Book 1 since I can kind of see the point of the book).

How the hell hasn't anyone discovered about the Chamber of Secrets before? Why the hell haven't the Aurors figured out the identity of the monster way back in the forties? He's a freaking snake (Slytherin Monster, you know...) with a gaze attack, how many of them do exist in the Potterverse? Why didn't Dumbledore find it out? Or Snape? Or McGonegall? Or anyone, really?

THEY HAVE THE MAIN WITNESS FLOATING AROUND THE SCHOOL, WHY HAVEN'T THEY ASKED HER?!

WHY IS A SECOND YEAR (Although a very smart one) THE ONE WHO MANAGES TO DISCOVER THE TRUTH?

WHY?!

Third year, they got time machines and an all-knowing map, and still manages to lose Pettygrew.

And don't tell me about Stable Time Loops, people, as soon as Pettygrew was out of sight, they could have very well captured him.

Then we have the utter idiocy that was fourth year.

HARRY, AN UNDERAGE STUDENT, GETS UNWILLINGLY SIGNED INTO A MAGICAL CONTRACT, FROM WHICH HE CANNOT, IN ANY WAY, ESCAPE FROM, THAT FORCES HIM TO PARTICIPATE IN A FUCKING BLOODSPORT!

Where do I start...

1- THEY SEND OFF TEENAGERS AGAINST A DRAGON. A FULL GROWN, FEMALE, NESTING DRAGON. FUN FACT: DO YOU KNOW THAT FEMALE REPTILES ARE FAR MORE DANGEROUS THAN THEIR MALE COUNTERPARTS? ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE MOTHERS DEFENDING THEIR EGGS? OTHER FUN FACT: DRAGONS ARE EPITOMES OF GREED. OF COURSE YOU GIVE THEM A GOLDEN EGG TO PROTECT.

IT'S A MIRACLE THEY DIDN'T GET TORN TO PIECES ON THE SPOT.

2- THEY KIDNAP SOME POOR SAPS WHOSE ONLY CRIME WAS BEING RELATED/GIRLFRIENDS/RON THE SCOURGE OF EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD WEASLEY WITH THE PARTICIPANTS.

ONE OF THE HOSTAGES WAS FREAKING 8, BY THE WAY...

DO YOU KNOW THAT THE MEREPEOPLE WOULD HAVE NOT RETURNED THEM IF THEY WERE LEFT UNCLAIMED?

FLEUR VERY WELL THOUGHT SO...

3- WHY IS THIS "MAGICAL CONTRACT BULLSHIT" BULLSHIT IN A SPORT COMPETITION BETWEEN SCHOOLS? IS A FREAKING SPORT COMPETITION BETWEEN SCHOOLS, GUYS, NOT AN EGYPTIAN SHADOW GAME!

4- HOW ARE THE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO SEE THE SECOND AND THIRD TASK? THE JUDGES DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE CONTENDERS WHEREABOUTS IN THE LAKE, SINCE THEY NEED THE MEREPEOPLE HELP IN ORDER TO GIVE THE SCORES, AND THEY SURELY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT KRUM BEING POSSESSED, OTHERWISE THEY WOULD HAVE INTERVENED SOONER.

5- AND STUDENT ATTENDANCE TO THE GAMES WAS FUCKING OBLIGATORY TOO!

Book 5 was just pointless. Just a long emo trip of angst and torture where NOTHING happens except Sirius' death at the end.

Book 6 was just stupid.

I mean... DUMBLEDORE KNOWS ABOUT DRACO BEING A DEATH EATER, AND HE KNOWS ABOUT HIM TRYING TO MURDER HIM. HELLS, HE EVEN KNOWS HE HAD ALREADY ENDANGERED 2 OF HIS STUDENTS BY DOING THAT!

WHY ISN'T HE REACTING TO THIS? KATIE BELL COULD HAVE DIED! SLUGHORN COULD HAVE DRUNK POISON WHILE ALONE, ONLY TO DIE SOON AFTER SINCE THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO HELP HIM!

AND IF DRACO WASN'T THAT MUCH OF A COWARD, HE WOULD HAVE BLOWN HIMSELF DURING THE FUCKING WELCOME FEAST! HE JUST NEEDS TO GET CLOSE TO DUMBLEDORE ENOUGH!

THEN, OF COURSE, THERE'S DUMBLEDORE LEAVING THE SCHOOL AT ITS MOST VULNERABLE, THUS PERMITTING SEVERAL, MURDEROUS PSYCHOS TO ATTACK THE SCHOOL UNDISTURBED!

AND NO, IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING, I'M NOT GOING TO COUNT THE MURDER ATTEMPT AT THE REDDISH STAIN OF WEASEL'S SHIT AS ONE OF DRACO'S CRIMES.

HE DESERVED A MEDAL FOR THAT.

(Although I must admit that Book 6 gave us an awesome Luna, and fueled my Ginny/Luna Friendship Canon (Whatever you say, Ginny still defended Luna against her own brother (THE WORTHLESS PIECE OF SCUM'S SCUM) For daring to call her Loony while Luna wasn't even present. And that, on my book, is something Awwww Worthy.)

Book 7 was... a mess.

Hedwig stupidly dies, the idiots stupidly camps around, THE DUMB, JEALOUS CUMBUCKET betrays them at the first opportunity, People dies (off-screen), Harry, Hermione and HIM are accessories in the murder of an innocent goblin, the Malfoys getting out of Prison Scot-free, and so on...

Then, of course, there's THE GINGER BASTARD CASUALLY MINDRAPING A POOR MUGGLE IN ORDER TO GET A DRIVER LICENSE, ALL THE WHILE BRAGGING ABOUT IT BEHIND HIS WIFE BACK WITH HIS AUROR BEST FRIEND!

AND HE EVEN CALLS HIS SON HUGO!

HUGO, FOR FUCK SAKE!

Speaking of which...

RON RANT (FROM BIPOLAR HENTAI LUCK)

Now, first things first.

I’m not an H/Hr shipper.

Hell, I don’t actually care about Scarhead Love Life.

For as much as I care, Scarhead could have very well died and entered in an ethereal relationship with Moaning Myrtle, and I wouldn't even bat an eye at that.

That being said:

I hate Ron.

Like, really, really hate him.

Why?

For several reasons

The first one is that, on a narrative standpoint, he is useless at best and an annoyingly non-cool villain at worst.

Seriously, what has he done, plot wise?

The Troll? Happened because he had been a jerk to Hermione. The car saving them in the forest? Happened because he had violated several national and international laws. Lockhart being Obliviated? Happened because he broke his bloody wand while violating SEVERAL NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL LAWS. Harry meeting Sirius and discovering his innocence? Happened because he had literally slept for the past 3 years with a Death Eater. Him destroying the locket? Happened because he had RAN AWAY DURING THE MIDDLE OF A BLOODY WAR!

And so on.

Which means that Ron’s only purpose in the story is “Being a Jerk to someone so that the Hero can react to it and the plot can go on” (Which is the primary definition of Villain).

And you know what the worst is?

The worst is that the plot NEEDS HIM BEING FRIEND WITH HARRY!

Without Ron, Harry would have never been friends with Hermione, would have never surpassed the Devil Snare and WOULD HAVE DIED IN THE CLUTCH OF A TENTACLE MONSTER PLANT!

AND THAT’S THE SECOND REASON BECAUSE I HATE THE GINGER BASTARD! ROWLING MADE HIS CHARACTER SO MUCH INTERTWINED IN THE STORY THAT IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO SAFELY REMOVE HIM SINCE THE BEGINNING OF BOOK 1 WITHOUT DRASTICALLY ALTERING HARRY’S CHARACTER! (Or writing a Peggy Sue Fic).

BECAUSE LET’S FACE IT, HARRY IS AN ANTISOCIAL NUMBSKULL WITH THE I.Q. OF A PIECE OF ROPE! HE NEEDS HERMIONE AS A FRIEND IN ORDER TO SURVIVE HIS FIRST YEARS, BUT HE CANNOT GET FRIENDS WITH HER WITHOUT RON’S HELP, BECAUSE HE’S TOO MUCH OF AN ANTISOCIAL NUMBSKULL TO BECOME FRIENDS WITH A SMART GIRL WITHOUT HAVING TO SAVE HER FROM A TROLL FIRST!

Okay, I’m fine now.

The third reason because I hate Ron is because, Have I ever met someone like him in real life, I would be ashamed to be in his general vicinity.

Because, let’s face it, he’s obnoxious, rude, eats in such a way that Sir Nicholas (an half beheaded ghost with no digestive organs) is sickened by it, he tends to enter into petty arguments on Anything, especially if you’re smarter than him, has the tendency to hurt people feelings. Is basically a lazy, jealous self-cantered, bastard, too much of an idiot to enter the Raven’s nest, too much of a Wormtail to enter the Badger’s barrow, not even ambitious or cunning enough to be a bloody Slytherin. Hell, the Hat probably put him in Gryffindor because he didn’t know where else to put him, because all of his family was already there and because the obnoxious git was probably chanting “GryffindorGryffindorGriffindorGriff...” Under his breath.

Now, in all the discussions that I’ve read, some Ron Lovers would probably jump in and yell “HE’S LIKE THAT BECAUSE REAL PEOPLE AREN’T FLAWLESS!”

Of course they’re not.

However, that doesn’t mean that people can get away with MINDRAPING AN HELPLESS MUGGLE IN ORDER TO GET A DRIVER LICENSE AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 36 AND THEN GLOAT ABOUT IT WITH YOUR AUROR BEST FRIEND, ALL THE WHILE BOASTING THE FACT THAT YOU’VE MANAGED TO DO IT WITHOUT YOUR WIFE NOTICING, DESPITE HER BEING A SAINT OF A WOMAN WHO IS, INCIDENTALLY, ALSO THE POSTER GIRL FOR BOTH MUGGLES’ AND MAGICAL CREATURES’ RIGHTS. AND NOT LET ME START A RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH CONDESCENDING WIZARDS WANTING TO GRANT MUGGLES’ RIGHTS SOUNDS. IT’S ALMOST LIKE WE ARE THE ENDANGERED MINORITY WITH AN ARCHAIC SISTEM, SLAVES AND BLOOD SPORTS WHERE TEENAGER BOYS AND GIRLS FIGHT TO THE DEATH AGAINST A DRAGON UNLESS THEY WANT THEIR LITTLE SISTER TO DROWN, INSTEAD OF THEM!

AND THERE’S NO JUSTIFICATION FOR HIM DOING IT, NO “AN HORCRUX WAS CONTROLLING HIM” OR “HE WAS 14/16 AT THE TIME” BULSHIT!

AND THAT’S THE MAIN REASON BECAUSE I HATE RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY! HE’S A BLOODY KARMA HOUDINI! HE’S BEEN A DICK TO MOST OF THE CHARACTERS, NAMED AND UNNAMED, WAY BACK SINCE BOOK 1, HE HAS DONE UNSPEAKABLE THINGS DURING THE WHOLE SERIES... AND HE DOESN’T EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR IT! HE JUST STANDS BACK, BEING THE USELESS GIT THAT HE IS, AND BASKS IN HARRY’S REFLECTED LIGHT! HE EVEN MARRIES HERMIONE, FOR BLOOD’S SAKE!

HE’S NOT WORTHY OF HER!

HELL, HE’S NOT WORTHY OF LAVENDER EITHER!

HE’S NOT WORTHY TO BE IN ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY KIND OF WOMAN!

Gods, I hate that little shit.

Speaking of Which...

RON/MARRIETTA DOUBLE STANDARD RANT

Marrietta Edgecombe betrays Dumbledore's Army during a time of relative peace by being a telltale, and gets both disfigured for life and mindraped for that.

Ron Weasley deserts his two closest friends during a time of war, thus deciding to spend his Christmas with his older brother and his older brother's hot wife instead than continuing on their (admittedly stupid) mission, and still manages to marry Hermione in the end.

And the best part is that, when you mention Marrietta's fate to someone, they always tell you that she deserved it because they were during a time of war, while if you mention Ron's desertion to that same guy, he starts professing about the many reasons because you should forgive him.

And that's just sick, really...

RON "MANWHORE" CHARACTERIZATION IN HARMONIAN FICS/DRACO SCORING WITH ANYONE AT ALL

I reject any universe where those two had managed to kiss, date, fuck or even marry anything outside: 1) Their off hand, 2) Dolores Umbridge, 3) Each Other, 4) Lucius Malfoy and 5) Grawp.

And that's final.

HARRY/HAREM RANT

For the series Unpopular Opinions...

If you're a fan of mine (If it can exist something like a fan of mine), you've probably read my Fanfic Bipolar Hentai Luck.

Now, if you're one of those people that had actually read it, you might remember that I stated that the main reason because I've started writing was because I was bored.

That's a lie.

I mean, yes, boredom WAS one of the main factors that made me write it, but...

Have your lot ever read Doing Hermione a Favor?

I suppose some of you have.

Now, in this story, Hermione has to briefly return home at the beginning of book five, and ask Tonks to cover her with the order members by pretending to be her.

Now, nothing bad in that... Until Not-Harry shows up.

The soulless monster that is incidentally the protagonist of that bloody fic then tricks Tonks in having sex with him.

Than, as soon as Hermione returns at the Order Headquarters, he tricks Hermione in having non-protected sex with him.

He than keeps tricking Hermione in having Anal sex with her (Since he doesn't want to use a condom and apparently has some sort of creampie fetish) while still having sex with Tonks disguised as Hermione. He then has both the good idea to start an harem all the while tampering with Hermione Morning After Pills, basically making her pregnant at some point.

And then, not happy with making his best friend pregnant at the age of 15 despite her not wanting a child yet, he NOT ONLY destroys Ginny's mind, turning her in a loyal, mindless slave for his every whims, he not only screws with his other girls mind, forcing them to love him and only him, he FUCKS ASTORIA GREENGRASS (AN ACT I CONSIDER THE EPITOME OF CREEPINESS)!

(EDIT: I CONSIDER HARRY FUCKING GABRIELLE DELACOUR EVEN CREEPIER, THOUGH.)

Now, that's basic Dick!Harry for you.

And he's everything that his wrong with this Fandom along with My Immortal (Which I actually liked), Ron Weasley and Draco Shippers.

Now, if you like Dick!Harry, or are fine with his horrendous way of life, that's fine.

To each his own.

The problem I have with him, however, is that he seems to be the ONLY Harry that can have an Harem in fanfiction.

I mean, Siriusly (pun intended), name me 5 Harem Fanfiction with M or MA rating where Harry isn't a dick to at least one of his girls.

Too Many Dates, maybe, but the sex isn't shown there, as much as I remember, and Harry Potter and the Altered World, but that's quickly overshadowed by the horde of Shot Outs, Crossovers and Cameos (Although I must admit that Alucard facing an army of a thousands Dementors was pretty cool...)

In all the others, either Ginny, Cho, Fleur or usually all the three of them are either excluded by the Harem with extreme prejudice, added in the Harem as Mindless Slaves, severely humiliated without even getting to fuck the main hero in return, or all the three together (Not sure how).

Then there's the one where Harry third, second or some times first member of the Harem are either Narcissa or Bellatrix. BELLATRIX! THE WOMAN WHO KILLED HIS GODFATHER, YOU KNOW...

And don't let me start a rant about the one where he basically rapes the members of his harem, either their bodies or minds, before perverting their very being into some sort of mindless sex doll.

And of course, in all of those fics, Harry is the Hero, and as an hero he can do such things and even more.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

I mean... HE'S OUTNUMBERED, FOR BLOOD'S SAKE! 6 TO ONE, USUALLY, IF NOT MORE!

WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE HERMIONE GRANGER (Smartest Witch of her Age who once disfigured a classmate of hers because she was a telltale), FLEUR DELACOUR (Scary Bird Woman of Doom that can shoot fireballs), GINNY WEASLEY (A girl who once hexed someone because he dared to open a door for her), NINPHADORA TONKS (ROOKIE AUROR WHOSE MENTOR WAS ALASTOR "BADASS" MOODY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD), BELLATRIX LESTARNGE (CRAZY MADWOMAN) AND "COOL OFC WHO IS USUALLY A VAMPIRE" (COOL ORIGINAL FEMALE CHARACTER WHO IS USUALLY A VAMPIRE) PERMIT HIM THIS KIND OF BULLSHIT?

WHY?!

You see, that's why I wanted to write Bipolar Hentai Luck.

I wanted to give an alternative at people who wanted to read about Harry getting an Harem.

I hope I'm succeeding in that.

FINAL RANT

WOULD THE POTTERVERSE SUCK DONKEY BALLS IF LOCKED IN WAR WITH ANOTHER (ANY OTHER) UNIVERSE?

Pretty much, yes.

Let me articulate.

Let's start by stating that by Potterverse I mean "Everything and everyone who has been shown at least once to exist in Canon and that had been somewhat relevant to the plot" which basically gives the Potterverse...

1- Something around 10, Max 14 years of Hogwarts Students.

2- 1 year of students from Durmstrung and Beauxbaton.

3- First and Second incarnation of the order of the Phoenix (Along with Dumbledore).

4- Hogwarts Teachers.

5- Ministry of Magic (Along with the Auror Corps and the Unspeakables).

6- Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

7- Dementors, Giants and the magical beasts shown in "Magical Beasts, where to find them" (Vampires don't count).

8- Historical Figures such as the Founders, Grindelwald and the Paravell Brothers (Death and Merlin doesn't count).

9- The goblins, centaurs, house elves and Werewolves.

10- The Muggle Prime Minister (And ONLY the Muggle Prime Minister, without any support from the other Muggles) and the Dursleys.

Now, you can clearly see why they would suck donkey balls.

1 and 2 are mostly children without any kind of practical training. Worst yet, 1 barely knows how to defend himself because of some stupid jinx.

4 would admittedly give some sort of decent fight before succumbing against the sheer superiority in numbers of ANY kind of enemy.

5 and 3 only do Non-Lethal spells, and 3 sincerely suck at his job.

6, while knowing a wide range of harmful curses, apparently only knows Hit-and-Run tactics of terrorism, and are far too few and disorganized to represent an actual threat to... well, anyone with half a brain, really...

7, 8 and 9 would be an actual threat, and have to be considered case by case.

10 are four bumbling morons and a shotgun. They kill themselves before the first wave can even reach them.

Now, what does most of other Universes have?

Most High Fantasy Universes usually have one, if not more, armies trained in the arts of war, unlike the Potterverse, who mostly rely on robed people who don't even know how to duck.

SteamPunk, Sci-Fi and things like that are usually filled with humongous mechas, Death Stars and whatnot, stuff who doesn't usually fall down after a green bolt and who can usually trump any kind of magical creature you throw at them.

Japanese... Everything is invincible. Seriously, just the people from Bible Black would be enough to conquer them in one hour and 1000 forced orgasms... And that's not counting stuff like Dragon Ball or Yattaman, really...

Video-Games are invincible too (Super Mario would have defeated Voldemort with just a jump...).

And then there's the Discworld, who can count among his ranks a GIANT SPACE TURTLE OF DOOM.

Let's face it, when compared with any other universe, the Potterverse is just... weak.

Hell, they even have to hide from their own Muggles if they don't want tho be overwhelmed by them...

WALL OF HATE

(Where I list everything you should never, NEVER, never mention when you're talking with me).

1- RON FUCKING WEASLEY.

2- Everything that came out after the second generation of Pokemon (Except most of the Legendary Pokemons and the wicked religion that came out of it).

2.5- ESPECIALLY THE BLOODY RIVALS, PALE SHADOWS OF THE SHEER AWESOMENESS THAT WAS SILVER, LET ALONE GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK!

3- Android Nr. 17, and by extension Super Android Nr. 17.

4- Harry Potter being a piece of great literature far better than everything ever produced in the Fantasy genre in England. (Or Rowling just being a better writer then Sir Terry Pratchett, really).

5- JOE FUCKING QUESADA.

5.5- Especially his "masterpiece", One More Day. Especially Especially Not-Mephisto from One More Day, who was really Quesada in disguise, and not Real-Mephisto at all, who's probably planning revenge right now. And even more especially Doctor Doom not being able to cure a freaking gunshot wound.

5.5.B- Let's say most of what happened after the events of House of M, shall we? Except Agent Venom and few (Like, very few) other stuff.

6- That Edward Cullen Knock-Off that pretends to be Lobo that appeared in the DC Universe after the new 52.

7- Netorare. Seriously, why does it exist? WHAT'S ITS FREAKING POINT, REALLY?! WHY WOULD PEOPLE READ THAT TRASH?!!! WHO THE HELL DOES ENJOY IT?!!!!!

8- RAY FUCKING PALMER (From the Arrow TV Show). Seriously, every time I see the little shit on screen I get the sudden, unnatural urge to repeatedly bash his head with a shovel...

WHY DO I WRITE.

I write because it amuses me. I know I probably write Abysmal Pieces of Fiction, but...

I don't care.

As long as I'm amused... Better yet, as long as my work has brought even just a small smile, even just a tiny amount of joy in someone's life...

I'll continue writing.

Although I must admit that I would appreciate a TV Tropes' page for one of my works.

Or even just a Sporking, really.

- I Know the Truth -

WHAT DOES BIPOLAR HENTAI LUCK MEANS?

It's the composite name formed by the two Fan Terms Bipolar Luck (Harry survives the killing curse, becomes famous, the dark lord dies, but his parents dies too, and he lives 10 years of misery before starting 7 years of tribulations. That Bipolar Luck for you.) and Hentai Luck (Term coined by Fakku Readers (Ever been on Fakku? charming site, filled with delightful people. They're half the fun of the place, basically (The other half being the "Comics")) that means: "The main character in a vanilla and/or harem Hentai gets all the girls despite usually being a clueless virgin").

FANFIC REQUESTS/CHALLENGES

(Since I have no time to write those fanfics, and I'm afraid that, if I ever will begin write them, I will never finish them, I'm asking you, dear reader, to write it you instead of me, starting from the indications i give you here. And if you would be so kind to send me the link of the first chapter, through, I would be very much grateful).

CHALLENGE 1

Nobody Expects the Roman Inquisition (Or whatever the writer wants to call it (I suggest a title in Latin))

(Harry Potter raised by the Magical Vatican Fic)

("Malleus Maleficarum" or "Thou Shall Not Suffer a Dark Lord to Live" are good titles too)

11 February 1929: Italian Dictator Benito Mussolini signs the Lateran Pacts, a series of written agreements between the Kingdom of Italy and the Vatican City State. Unknown to the Italian Muggles, however, was a second series of pacts, signed the same day, which guaranteed the Magical Vatican State total control over all wizarding affairs in the Kingdom of Italy and its colonies in exchange of the Magical Vatican aid in case of a magical war. Thus Pacts had never been broken.

1 November 1981: A member of the Most Holly Oracular Order of Prophets, basically the Magical Vatican's personal seers, release ANOTHER prophecy, which basically says that the vanquisher of all evils is in Britain, is a wizard, is less than 2 years old is an orphan, is a Pureblood and has already destroyed a great evil either by himself or by proxy through the sacrifice of his mother. The Pope (Who is a wizard, as every Pope has been before him since 1929, and his also the absolute ruler of Magical Italy/Muggle Vatican) decides to get this prophesied vanquisher of all evils and mold him as a weapon of the Wizarding Catholic Church.

They get Harry (much to Dumbledore's Dismay), expatriate him in Italy, and train him since his youngest life to become the ultimate Monster Hunter/Dark Wizards Vanquisher/Demonologist/Exorcist/D&D Paladin/Etc. Etc..

24 July 1996: Yet ANOTHER Prophecy is spoken, this one only stating that, in order start his destiny as vanquisher of all evils, Harry must return to his home country (Britain) and save it from the local dark lord, and that his best lead to him is to attend Hogwarts' School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry comply and, the first of September, armed with all the necessary equipment, board on the Hogwarts Express, ready for his first, real mission after years and years of training.

The story begins with him entering the first compartment, said compartment being occupied by three girls.

Hermione Granger. Luna Lvegood. Daphne Greengrass.

YOU DECIDE HOW IT GOES FROM HERE.

THE STORY MUST HOWEVER HAVE:

1- Lawful Neutral!Jack of All Trades!Harry: Harry is a ruthless soldier with a mission. This however doesn't mean he's evil or emotionless. He doesn't harm what he perceive as Innocents, but will kill whatever he considers a threat to his mission or others, even if it has surrendered. His morality has been thwarted in order to make him the perfect weapon, making him perceive everything (Spells, Weapons, Magical Creatures, People, Even Demons) as tools for his mission. He, however, abhors any kind of soul magic, considering it unnatural and unholy. He hates demons (Dementors are not demons, By the way, they are Shadows (A kind of ghost)), but understand that they're just Hell's Guardians and not the source of all evil (Humans are the source of most evils, anyway). He DOESN'T hate magical creatures and attacks them only if they're attacking him, and prefer to enslave them to his will through the use of [SOMETHING THAT IS UP TO THE WRITER] than to kill them. He has enough esoteric knowledge to summon a lesser demon through a ritual and force him to reveal the truth (Demons and Angels are omniscient) about something. Said rituals are however draining and usually grants him around four questions before the demon returns in the pits of hell. He mostly use Light Based Magic, through he posses a fully functional Holly Crossbow, sanctified seven times by the pope himself (Magical Sanctifications actually work, by the way), armed with either wooden (Ash Wood) or Silver bolts, both bolts and crossbow charmed unbreakables. He is NOT a fanatical christian, DOESN'T have many prejudices against women and has NOT taken a vote of chastity. Which bring us to...

2- Harry/Hermione/Luna/Daphne: It's symbolical. And the four of them are in a relationship ALL TOGETHER, so it's not an "Harry has three women who happens to like to play with each other", because they literally are a one true foursome where each participant cares for the other three in a romantic way. All of this is possible because one of the main concepts behind Magical Catholicism is: "Our magic is a gift from God. We must spread this gift in the world with new babies. Lots and lots of babies. So let's start a good, old orgy, shall we?" (Yes, Magical Catholicism is basically the Hippy version of the medieval conception of Witchcraft, with the believers hanging out in the woods, together and naked doing unspeakable things to each other's body).

3- Hufflepuff!Harry: Harry get sorted into Hufflepuff (Again, symbolical). The Fat Friar (Hufflepuff's Ghost) is more than what he seems.

4- Third World Country!Magical Britain: In the eyes of the rest of the wizarding world, Magical Britain is either Muggle Zimbawe (No offence meant for Muggle Zimbawe) or Europe's Laughing Stock. In both cases, it's still considered by many just like a Banana Republic. Also, most English Wizards are atheists (WHICH IS NOT NECESSARILY A BAD THING IN REAL LIFE BUT THAT, IN A WORLD WERE PEOPLE INTERACTS WITH DEMONS, ANGELS AND DEATH HIMSELF WITH A DAY TO DAY BASIS, NOT BELIEVING IN A SUPERIOR FORCE WHO ISN'T THE SO CALLED "Greater Good" IS KIND OF DUMB. IT'S ARBITRARY SKEPTICISM AT ITS FINEST).

5- Ron and Draco Bashing: Make it Mild Bashing, I don't want it to become the main focus of the story.

6- Senile Dumbledore: The best kind of Dumbledore.

7- VOLDEMORT TIMELINE: Voldemort didn't menage to find the stone in 1991/92, and died of starvation in the chamber with the mirror, the only way out blocked by impassable flames. Dumbles found Quirrel's Body only months after his death, Voldemort's wraith long gone. Ginny got killed during the whole Chamber of Secrets Fiasco, her soul and magic drained by Diary!Riddle. The basilisk is still in the chamber, awaiting for any Parselmouth willing to give him orders (the Basilisk will remain faithful to his current master until he dismiss him, then he will wait in the chamber for another Parselmouth). The basilisk, being a giant ass snake, doesn't hold any political alliance, and couldn't care less about mammals' blood status. He's also a fan of William Wordsworth and the other English romantic poets, God only knows why and how. Sirius killed Wormtail and got subsequently kissed by a Dementor. Diary!Riddle then freed Barty Crouch Jr. and stayed an entire year searching for himself before starting the whole Tri-Wizard-Tournament Rouse. After luring Cedric in the graveyard, Diary!Riddle restores Voldemort's life. Cedric's body disappears. Dumbledore, in his infinite wisdom, start preaching to the whole wizarding world the return of Voldie with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, thus alienating the masses. The ministry starts a smearing campaign against him with the daily prophet. Diary!Riddle Becomes Voldie second in command. They free the Death Eaters from Azkaban. Diary!Riddle and Bellatrix starts a sexual relationship. A group composed by Diary!Riddle, both the Lestrange Brothers, Barty Crouch Jr, Crabble Sr and Goyle Sr raids the ministry in order to get the Prophecy. IT'S A TRAP! The Prophecy Hall is filled with Aurors. The 4 of the 6 Death Eaters manage to escape, both the Lestrange Brothers mysteriously and simultaneously tripping inside the Veil of Death despite the fact both brothers where with the other 4 Death Eaters and several feet away from said veil. After the raid, the Minister STILL doesn't admit Voldemort's return, however DOES admit the existence of a Death Eaters Revival lead by Barty Crouch Jr and some young, charming fellow dressed in some old school robes. And is somewhere around here that our story begin.

8- HERMIONE TIMELINE: YEAR 1: Everything is the same as book one until Halloween. Ron is a prick with her, thus making her run away crying in the bathroom, where she triggers a random encounter with a Wild Mountain Troll. Nobody comes to her rescue, this forcing her to defend herself by banishing bathroom sinks against the Troll's head, killing him. The teachers arrive soon after the fact and Dumbledore, in his infinite wisdom, condemn Hermione for the killing of the Troll, penalizing Gryffindor of 100 points. McGonegall tries to stop him for doing so, but she is swiftly overruled by the Headmaster. Her housemates also start harassing her for the 100 points lost and, After Slitherin Victory of both House and Quidditch cups, Ron utter the immortal line: "It would have been better if she was killed by that Troll, bloody idiot made us lose the House Cup...". Hermione eagerly returns home, friendless and alone.

YEAR 2: Hermione returns at Hogwarts. On the Hogwarts express, not wanting to meet any of her yearmates, she sits in an empty compartment. Said empty compartment is promptly filled by Luna and Ginny, Best Female Friends Forever. Hermione would really want to read alone, but she cannot find in her hardened heart to deny the two firsties of the gift of knowledge. She answer their questions about the school and soon later the three of them are locked in a conversation and in Hermione Heart the sparkle of hope that maybe this time she will find some real friends... Until Ron enters the compartment. It turns out Ginny is his sister and that their mother, Mrs Weasley, didn't want her to hang out with the wrong kind of people, the wrong kind of people apparently being Slytherins and Girls who periodically fight Trolls inside the girls' loo. Mrs. Weasley does also find Ginny's closeness with that Lovegood girl as unhealthy, so has tasked Ron on keeping an eye on her sister. How does he do it? By dragging away from Hermione and Luna the little girl and throwing her in a world of strangers and her four brothers, three of them too busy with their lives to spend too much time with her and the other one too lazy to actually spend time with her. The year starts, Luna become a Ravenclaw, Ginny a Gryffindor, Hermione and Luna become friends, Ginny is forced to drift apart from them, despite both her and Luna still secretly meet at night. Around Christmas, the first victim of the basilisk is Ron. The petrification of a pureblood cause social unrest. There's an inquiry. Diary!Riddle panics and force Ginny inside the Chamber of secrets before he had planned. He drains her soul and magic. Ginny disappears. Luna is broken. Ron is cured. The weasleys grieve Ginny's disappearance. Molly accuses Luna. There's no ground for a process despite Wizarding Britain's Kangaroo Courts, but still, Luna is ostracized by her non-Slytherin schoolmates, who think of her as the new heir of Slytherin. Hermione, now her only friend, is ostracized with her. The year ends. As a side note, Lockhart gets fired for incompetence and starts a brilliant carrier as Master Obliviator for the Ministry of Magic.

YEAR 3: Normal School Year if you don't count the escaped mass murderer. Luna and Hermione are still ostracized by most of the school. They're however not bullied because, as Luna had once candidly pointed out in front of most of her housemates, "Only a Moron would bully someone that controls a beast capable of petrifying people". Hermione takes Ancient Runes and Arithmancy as electives. At Arithmancy, the professor forces her students to do their homework in pairs. Hermione is assigned with Daphne Greengrass, No-Nonsense Pureblood Heiress who is also one of the few Slytherins who gained her Potion Marks with hard work instead of the teacher's favoritism. They don't become Actual Friends, let's just say they both tolerate each other. And Luna's too, who was now practically attached to Hermione as a second limb. Years end. On a side note, Lupin quit once Sirius is kissed. He retires in the English Countryside, becoming a shepard. He will meet Auror Tonks at Sirius Funeral, her, Ted and Andromeda the only other people there. They will never meet again.

YEAR 4: Basically book 4 without Harry in the tournament. Krum doesn't invite Hermione to the Ball, Draco's and the rest of the school lies perfectly fooling him in believing that Hermione is basically the wicked consort of the Slytherin Heir. Surprising everyone is Daphne who invites Hermione to the Yule Ball, as a friend. Luna asks Neville to go to the ball with her in order for her to pass some time with Hermione. Nevile, despite being terrorized by the younger girl, accepts in order to not be dateless. Nothing of importance happens at the ball, the three girls and a very nervous Neville passing quite a pleasant night. Next Day, Skitter publish an article about a greedy, gold-digging muggleborn trying to ensnare the fortune of a respectable pureblood heiress. The day after that, the Daily Prophet enters in a legal battle with Abbot, Greengrass & Davies' law firm, soundly loosing it and having to retract the article, fire Skitter and also pay both the litigation costs and a compensation for both Hermione and Daphne. Rest of the year goes smoothly after that. Moody quits because he had been entrapped in a trunk for the whole year.

YEAR 5: Normal school year. Nobody believes Dumbledore except the Order and the Longbottoms. Year ends. The Weasley twins, who had both quit pranking after Ginny's death, both leave Hogwarts to go to work at the ministry with Percy, who has stayed loyal to his family, not wanting to lose anyone else, and is still together with Penelope Clearwater. Umbridge gets fired for incompetence and sadism. She returns to her role of Undersecretary. Both Ginny's and Cedric's bodies are still missing.

9-The writer can do whatever he wants with Draco and Neville before the beginning of the Fanfic, just please, don't bash Neville and find him someone to be with. Hanna Abbot and Susan Bones would both be fine. As in the three of them. Together. If you catch my meaning.

10-And most Important of all, IT MUST NOT BE ANGSTY! EVERYTHING BUT THE BLOODY ANGST, PLEASE!

CHALLENGE 2

A Blink in the Dark

(Or, Harry Potter/The Darkness/Dishonored Crossover)

BACKSTORY

1- The Dursleys abandoned Harry at an orphanage at the age of 3. And when I say Orphanage, I mean an horrible, Oliver Twist-Like kind of Orphanage filled with evil, sadistic Nuns quite fond of beatings.

2- At the age of 5, Harry is visited in a dream by the Outsider (Dishonored), an elegantly dressed man who should represent some sort of Whale-Like Eldritch Abomination from a plagued universe. He recruits him as one of his agents, giving him pretty much the same speech he gave to Corvo and Granting him his mark (The tattoo on the back of Corvo's Left Hand in the game, the one that permit him to have all his cool powers). Harry can now use Mark I Blink (Teleportation) and Mark II Dark Vision (The one which was used by Daud) (Can see people/Useful Stuff/Runes and Bone Trinkets/Etc behind walls/Darkness/Etc. He can also sense the presence of Runes and Bone Trinkets). He needs to get Outsiders Runes in order to get new powers.

3- The Outsider Mark, however, clash against Voldemort's soul in Harry's scar. As the Horcrux and the Mark fight against each other (Causing Harry serious physical and Psychological pain, by the way) a third party awakens, deep inside Harry. It's the Darkness (The Darkness), another Eldritch Abomination from the void before the creation. It claims Harry as his new Host, destroying the Horcrux in the process and granting the Mark to successfully take hold. It now grants Harry with:

A: Two tentacles growing from his back, both ending with semi-sentient shark jaws, one to slash, the other to grab. The tentacles disappear if Harry's touched by direct light.

B: 5 Darklings (Think "Insane, violent house elves of Doom that dies when touched by direct Light, but then spawn soon after unharmed"), the 4 from the first game and "Jack" (As in Union Jack) from the second one.

C: Super-Regeneration/Immortality as Long as Harry is not touched by direct light.

4- After achieving all those almighty powers, 5 years old Harry BURN THE ORPHANAGE TO THE GROUND, TRAPPING THE NUNS INSIDE BUT FREEING THE OTHER ORPHANS.

5- He's shortly after kidnapped by The Brotherhood (The Darkness), who rises him as one of they own, providing him with some sort of family, if not a corrupted, twisted one.

6- At Harry's Twelfth birthday, after an act of accidental magic, the Brotherhood put Harry in a padded cell. They then strap him to a chair, reassuring him that they're doing it for his own good, and then STARTS TORTURING THE LIFE OUT OF HIM.

7- After the Third Torture (The Blinding Sun (The Darkness II)), Harry, enraged, levels the Brotherhood temple to the ground, extinguishing the Brotherhood.

8- He then receives, one year late, his first Hogwarts Letter.

THE STORY BEGINS WITH HARRY STARTING HIS FIRST YEAR AT HOGWARTS ONE YEAR LATE AS HE BOARDS THE TRAIN, HIS DARKNESS POWERS HIDDEN IN ORDER TO NOT STARTLE THE NORMAL WIZARDS, HIS DARKLINGS CRAMMED INSIDE HIS THIRD TRUNK. (Harry has Three Trunks. His Second Trunk contains several relics he had stolen at the Brotherood, along with a recently captured Boggart (As Anti-theft measure), while the first one contains his school stuff.

THE STORY MUST HAVE:

1- Power-Hungry!Mad!Dark!Chaotic!Evil!Ravenclaw!Harry: Harry get's sorted into Ravenclaw, and has a Deadpool approach to Mayhem and death. He starts Hogwarts during the 91/92 school year (BOOK 2), but he's forced to start as a first year despite being twelve. He also hears The voice of The Darkness telling him to kill and maim and murder and rape. He tends to do stuff just "For the Evulz", and would do everything in order to achieve more power. He currently owns An Augurey (Hedwig), a Boggart (Bob), the Abysmal Maw (He knows the words to make it work), the Crescent of the Sun, the Deceiver Grasp, the Thumb Screws, the Blinding Sun (All relics from The Darkness) and the one-handed crossbow from Dishonored. He has to obtain Gryffindor's Sword later in the story.

2- Angelus!Follower of the Abbey of the Everyman!Luna: Luna is the host of the Angelus (The Darkness), the embodiment of Light's Righteous Rage (Basically, the ultimate Knight Templar), like her mother was before her. She's still Luna, thought. She becomes friends with Harry, since both of them are in the same year, same house, and both of them are ostracized by their schoolmates. Both of them know that, one day, they will probably be forced by the forces their playing host to to kill each other. They also have pet names for each other, "Frigid Light Whore" for her and "Psychopathic Dark Filth" for him. She's also a follower of the Abbey of the Everyman (Dishonored), and owns an Overseer Music Box (Dishonored Again), a device whose music disrupts Harry's powers of the Outsider, and the Roanoke's Bane, a relic from The Darkness II. She must quote/be seen follow at least one of the seven strictures (Dishonored) at least once in the story.

3- Dead!Ghost!Hermione: Since Harry never went to Hogwarts during the 90/91's year, Hermione got killed by the Troll. She returned as a Ghost, where she discovered that her parents memories of her had been wiped out by the ministry shortly after her death and that she cannot leave Hogwarts unless she find something to bind to and asks someone to carry it outside the castle, in which case she's unable to leave a certain radius from it. She's found by Harry weeping in the Library, where she's now residing. They "Befriend" there. She has also made friends with Peeves, who has taken pity of the poor child and have taught her some Poltergeist Powers, just like he taught Myrtle how to flood her bathroom way back in the fifties. She can now alter her appearance in order to resemble herself at any given age so that she's not forced to remain in the body of a eleven years old forever. She also hates Ron Weasley with all of her might, since she consider him the cause of her premature death. Only Harry and Luna can touch her.

4- Ron and Draco!Mild Bashing: They don't have to be shown under the best of lights, that's all.

5- Good but Senile!Dumbledore: Who still thinks that Harry is a poor, fragile boy who needs help.

6- Harry/Hermione/Luna very weird LOVE TRIANGLE: (IF YOU WANT TO END IT WITH LUNAR HARMONY, THAT'S FINE, JUST START IT AS A LOVE TRIANGLE AND THEN MAKE IT END AS LUNAR HARMONY)

7- A Bittersweet Ending: (Something like: "Our hero and his girl(s) are fine, living their lives in luxury on some kind of tropical beach, but Great Britain has descended into chaos because they had let the bad guys win. (IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT)).

CHALLENGE 3

The Destiny Defenders (But you can name the actual Team whatever you like)

Inspired By Harry Potter Fanfic Crack'd Mirror.

BACKSTORY

Alternative Universe.

Harry dies of hypothermia the night he's deposited on the Dursley's doorstep.

Nobody notices till the summer of 1990.

Of course, Dumbledore's fine with that, changing his plan in order to fit Neville Longbottom...

Only to have him die with Cedric in the Graveyard at the end of his fourth year.

Dumbledore is now desperately in need of a savior...

Until the Devil appears to him, offering him not one, but a complete team of 5 fifteen years' old Harry Potters in exchange of the right on all the souls of all past, present and future members of the Order of the Phoenix.

Dumbledore Accepts.

THIS STORY MUST CONTAIN:

A- Team of 5 Different Harry Potters: 5 Harry Potters from 5 different realities must form a Team of Superheroes/Anti-Terrorism Squad while also attending Hogwarts. They can leave the school grounds at any given moment in time, and will never return to their native reality (Dumbledore lies to them about that). Needless to say that, together, they fight crime.

B- Evil!Dumbledore: He made a pact with the devil, guys. THE DEVIL. Of course, he still think himself as the Big Good of the story.

C- As many years of crime fighting as possible.

THE TEAM IS COMPOSED BY:

1- Canon!Harry: Exactly What it Says on the Tin. He's the same Gryffindor that we all know and love from the main series. Better yet, he's the same Harry Potter from the beginning of Book 5, so he's currently in full Raging Angst Mode. He's (Surprisingly) the Leader of the team.

2- Sorcerer Supreme!Genius!Ravenclaw!Nerd/Geek!Socially-Awkward!Harry (Nerd!Harry for short): All-Powerful Ravenclaw with a mastery in Wandless and Wordless magic from an alternate reality, Nerd!Harry's intelligence and ability in the use of the magical arts are second only to his immense love for Pop Culture. If only he hadn't taken Socially Awkward and Timid as flaws during the character creation...

3- Guerrilla-Fighter!Squib!Super-Soldier!Harry (Soldier!Harry for short): An Harry Potter who has been stripped away of his magical powers, in his universe he leads a resistance composed by Squibs, Muggles and Muggleborns against the Tyrannical Ruling of Gellert Grindelwald and his new pet Muggle, Margaret Tatcher. He has extensive knowledge in both magical and Muggle weapons, and can basically fight with anything at hand. He dismisses Voldemort as a threat, having faced a far worst Dark Lord in his universe, and his muscular mass has been enhanced through the injection of an experimental, self-replicating drug in his bloodstream, created by his Reality Hermione's Mother which basically makes him Captain America Britain. If Captain America Britain had the hunger of a Sayan and entered in a blood frenzy when surrounded by enemies.

4- Female!Hufflepuff!Jesus!Harry (Anastasia Bella Potter for short): Mary Sue whose stunning look and bitchy personality have caused many men and women to fall head over heels for her, and whose purity has redeemed even the most evil of villains. That's about it.

5- Evil!Dark!Mad!Petty!Stereotypical-Villain!Necromancer!Slytherin!Harry (Dark Lord Potter for short): Evil bastard with greasy hair from another universe whose control over the dead have no equals. Think of a crime, any crime, and he has probably committed it. Several times. Over your parents' grave. As he was raping your little sister. Before killing her, turning her into an undead, and then raping her again. Having already conquered his home plane, he see's his current predicament as an opportunity to spread some mayhem in another world. He tends to overreact at everything, and has the habit to speak of himself with the third person. He's also VERY petty, and we will later find out that his natural father is his reality's Severus Snape.

THE PAIRINGS ARE:

1- Canon!Harry/Ginny (Hey, it's Canon!Harry, what did you expect?)

2- Nerd!Harry/Hermione

3- Soldier!Harry/Female!Harry (Someone in the story MUST point out the possible self-incest this comports)

4- Evil!Harry/Luna (Where Luna is worst than him. Far, far worst. And he likes it)

CHALLENGE 4

The Good, The Mad and the Devil

(Marvel Comics Universe Fic)

BACKSTORY

In the dark of the night in one of his apartment, Mercenary Wade Wilson, A. K. A. Deadpool, receives the unexpected visit of Mephisto. The prince of Hell has decided to hire him in order to capture and generally stop the work of Quephisto, a petty reality bending entity who is disgracing Mephisto's good name by killing super-heroines, cancelling marriages, creating sue-ish self inserts and generally altering reality for his demented aims.

Deadpool would like to accept, but he's afraid to be not powerful enough to defeat a Reality Bending Entity...

Before he can try to scam Mephisto in order to get back his Herald of Galactus' powers, however, it is revealed to Deadpool that he will not go alone in such a dangerous mission.

Squirrel Girl will help him too.

THE STORY MUST HAVE

1- Deadpool and Squirrel Girl Fourth Wall Defenders: Deadpool and Squirrel Girl must have the ultimate Team Up as they undo everything Quephisto ever did to the Marvel Universe in order to flush him out and then deliver it to Mephisto. Squirrel Girl must have some sort of internal struggle because of that.

2- Doctor Doom: Doctor Doom must make at least an apparition. He must be Badass.

3- Carlie Cooper: Carlie Cooper must be revealed to be a construction created by Quephisto in order to maintain Spider-Man under his evil thumb. She must DIE!

4- One More Day: The events of One More Day must be either undone or revealed to both Peter and Mary Jane. Up to the writer what happens to them next.

5- Peter/MJ's daughter: The never existed daughter of Peter and MJ will return, revealing herself as an agent of the Living Tribunal after the magical abortion that occurred after the events of One More Day. She's all powerful, and pissed off at both her parents and Quephisto.

6- Jean Gray and the Wasp: Jean Gray and the Wasp must return from the dead, somehow. Up to the writer what happens next.

7- As Much Awesommes As Possible!

PAIRINGS UP TO THE WRITER

CHALLENGE 5

The Rise of the Dark Tyrants

(A Teen Titans' Fanfic Request...)

BACKSTORY

The Teen Titans get transported in an alternate Evil dimension. That's about it, really...

THE STORY MUST HAVE

1- A Team composed by 5 evil versions of the Teen Titans, called the Dark Tyrants.

2- Alternate!Slade being the head of the rebelion against the Dark Tyrants' "tyrannical" ruling. He must be called DEATHSTROKE!

THE TEAM MUST BE COMPOSED BY...

1- Evil!Raven: De Facto Leader of the Dark Tyrants who rules with an iron fist Jump City from her throne room inside Tyrants' Tower. She's stuck in her demonic, four eyed state.

2- Evil!Beast Boy: Evil!Raven Attack Dog. He's stuck in Werebeast mode.

3- Evil!Cyborg: Who shed his last semblances of humanity in order to become the ultimate being by uploading his mind inside Tyrants' Tower computer system. He controls his legions of Cybots (basically Standard Sladebots) in order to maintain the Tyrants' fascist government.

4- Evil!Starfire: Alien Princess escaped from the death sentence after her failed coup d'etat on her home world. She's a sadist.

5- Evil!Robin: Who is actually Damian Wayne and has killed the original Robin, thus taking up the mantle of Nightwing. He has an obsession with killing Deathstroke.

PAIRINGS

Evil!Raven/Evil!Beast Boy: Up to the writer how to define their... Relationship. (Do they have feelings for each other? Are they exclusive? and so on...)

ABSOLUTELY NOT RAVEN/ROBIN!

Rest of the pairings up to the writer...

- You're All Going to Hell For This -

ANGLE OF THE FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS WITH GOODKING0

(Because the 10% of the Fanfics out there is worth dying for)

1- "Thinking in Little Green Boxes" by Diresquirrel (The first Fanfic I've ever read. Also, BLOODY HILARIOUS) (Harry Potter Son of Deadpool Fic)

2- "Oh God, Not Again" by Sarah 1281 (Second Fanfic I ever read. Again, BLOODY HILARIOUS) and "When in Doubt, Obliviate" by the same author.

3- "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality" (Couldn't do this without mentioning it at least once)

4- "Harry Potter and the Schoolbook of Desire" (First Smut Fic I ever read. It's... not exactly THAT good, especially since everyone gets to fuck everyone else before Harry (And if you analyze the situation closely, you can pinpoint the fault of that to RON FUCKING WEASLEY))

5- "The Gwen Stacey Syndrome" By Seriousish (THE REAL CANON OF EARTH 616 AFTER THE EVENTS OF "SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN" (WHICH ACTUALLY LASTED BARELY A MONTH SINCE ALL OF PETER'S FRIENDS AND FAMILY QUICKLY FOUND OUT THAT SPIDER-MAN WAS BEING POSSESSED BY THE MIND OF DOC OCK WAAAAAY BEFORE CARLIE FUCKING COOPER COULD EVEN THINK OF THE POSSIBILITY) WHERE BLACK CAT ISN'T DERAILED TOWARD HER CURRENT ONE-DIMENSIONAL STEREOTYPICAL VILLAIN PHASE, MARY JANE ISN'T WITH A BLACK GUY BECAUSE THE PEOPLE FROM MARVEL WANTED TO SHOW THEMSELVES AS MUCH POLITICALLY CORRECT AS POSSIBLE AND SPIDER-MAN ISN'T PAIRED WITH THE FIRST OFC THAT ROLLS AROUND!!!!! Also, Great Smut)

(More to Come)