About Me

Age: 23

Gender: Female

Some Descriptive Words: Stubborn, silly, snarky, cheerful, serious procrastinator, eternally anxious

Location: Vermont

Education: Homeschooled, BA in journalism and graphic design

Hobbies: Reading, writing, gaming, listening to music, obsessing about whatever current obsession I might have, collecting quotes, analyzing human behavior, learning Korean

Pet Peeves: Too many bubbles in my dishwater, unreasonable people, cats who stand in front of my books while I'm reading, dog-earing instead of finding a bookmark, generalizations, people with no sense of humor

Favorite Book: Runemarks by Joanne Harris / The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Favorite Book Series: Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling / Heartstrikers by Rachel Aaron

A Random Note (7/8/15): I've been here for over six years now, which is crazy (but then I thought it was crazy when it was four years so I guess that doesn't mean much), and I've learned a lot about both myself and my writing while I've been part of this community. To be honest, I hate some of my earliest oneshots with the kind of burning passion that should be reserved for murderers and people who talk at the theater, but apparently people liked them. I even occasionally (less so now but still) get a review or favorite on them, which is baffling but flattering. (But then, I am a little bit biased on that front.)

Anyhow, if you'd like to peruse my archive and can find it in you to enjoy anything I've written, then I offer you my eternal gratitude. If you'd like something more substantial than that, I'm willing to send you a greeting card or some cookies, but who really wants to give their address to some stranger on the Internet?

2/28/18: Coming up on nine years now (help I'm getting older)... But does it count if I haven't posted anything in the last three years?

Other Places I Occasionally Frequent*

FictionPress – Kina Kalamari (it's all real old now)

NaNoWriMo – Kalamari47

YouTube – TheSilentStorm (place of infrequent fanvids)

DeviantArt – KinaKalamari

Tumblr – turtleofthemoon

Archive Of Our Own - KinaKalamari

*This section used to be links but apparently FFN hates those now, so I'm listing my usernames instead. If you want to put in the extra work of searching the sites, feel free to come find me.

My Fic Fandoms
In order of when I began reading in them. The ones I still read with any frequency are underlined.

Maximum Ride
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Harry Potter
Hunger Games
Avatar: The Last Airbender (I am, and will likely always be, Zutara trash)
Doctor Who
Fullmetal Alchemist
Chuck
Vampire Diaries
Once Upon A Time
Carry On / Fangirl (I really hope this fandom grows, it would be lovely to have more to go back for)

Fics That Really Made Me Chuckle
Because while the other fics in my favorites are generally very good, sometimes you just need a good laugh.

Ganondorf's Rant by yaphi1 - The Legend of Zelda
Death Trap by Skye Maxwell - Ouran High School Host Club
The Diary of Lord Voldemort by Dudette13 - Harry Potter
Edward Elric Buys Life Insurance by Do a Barrel Roll - Fullmetal Alchemist
Kyoshi Hold 'Em by cupid-painted-blind - Avatar: The Last Airbender
Such A Flirt by Nightsmoke - Doctor Who
Playful Looks by MuseDePandora - Doctor Who
Chuck vs the Emoticon by ne71 - Chuck (Obviously)
Knock Knock by michelle-31a - Harry Potter
Stories at a Bar by nitefang - Once Upon A Time (The whole fic is great, but it's on this list solely for its first chapter.)

My Philosophy on Life
As expressed by bits of pop culture

"You just gotta stay happy / So put away that frown / Just remember to smile, smile, smile / And turn the world around."
–"Smile" by McFly

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."
–Dr. Seuss

"No one gets out alive / Every day is do or die / The one thing you leave behind is / How did you love?"
–"How Did You Love" by Shinedown

"We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one."
–The Doctor, Doctor Who

"When you're feeling crazy / And things fall apart / Listen to your head / Remember who you are / You're the one / You're the unbreakable heart."
–"Unbreakable Heart" by Three Days Grace

Favorite Quotes

"Shut up," said Maddy.
Loki shut up.
"Now listen, both of you."
Both of them listened.
–Runemarks

"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."
–Iggy, Maximum Ride

"Advise your brethren. You can fight, and all of you will die, or you can not fight, in which case only most of you will die."
–Beckett, Pirates of the Carribbean: At World's End

"We'll never survive."
"Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one has."
–Buttercup and Westley, The Princess Bride

"Such a strategist was the king that he had a contingecy plan for his contingency plan, and even, if circumstances required, a contingency plan for his contingency plan's contingency plan."
–Seeing Redd

"This is getting ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin sent to kill the first assassin, who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate her."
–Lee Mercer, Angel

"Grimms scare the living daylights out of most wizards."
"There you are, then. They see the Grimm and die of fright. The Grimm's not an omen, it's the cause of death! And Harry's still with us because he's not stupid enough to see one and think, right, well, I'd better kick the bucket then!"
–Ron and Hermione, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban [book]

"This is Berk. It snows nine months out of the year and hails the other three. The food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so."
–Hiccup, How To Train Your Dragon [movie]

"This is me. I am amazing."
–Zemouregal, RuneScape

"Maybe I'm going crazy, Damon thought, intrigued. He had never gone crazy before that he could recall, and there was some appeal in the idea."
–The Vampire Diaries; The Return: Nightfall

"You know about this stuff?"
"Penny. I am physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains."
–Penny and Sheldon, The Big Bang Theory

"Doctor, they've got guns."
"And I haven't, which makes me the better person. They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine."
–Rose and the Tenth Doctor, Doctor Who

"Do you trust this man?"
"I absolutely trust him."
"So he's not some kind of madman?"
[beat]
"I absolutely trust him."
–A soldier and River Song (about the Eleventh Doctor), Doctor Who

"Okay, need a proper look. Got to draw its fire, give it a target."
"How?"
"You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?"
"Yes..."
"Sorry." [runs into the open] "Look at me, I'm a target!"
–Eleventh Doctor and Amy, Doctor Who

"Oh, what’s this then? I love this. A big flashy lighty thing. That’s what brought me here. Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually. Give me time. And a crayon."
–The Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who

"You're really that good?" he said at last.
Loki shrugged. "I'm Loki."
–Heimdall and Loki, Runelight

"I'm not arguing. I'm just offering a relentlessly contrary point of view."
–Jeremy, Zits

A Selection of Quotes from me, my friends, and my family:

"If I had a dime for every time I saw a monster called Gray Maim the Jagged…"
"You'd probably have about a dollar."
"I'd have a lot of dimes… How many dimes are in a dollar?"
"Ten."
"Right. That's a lot of dimes."
–My friend Alex and me, while Alex was playing Diablo II

"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay. Go feed the cats."
"I'm suddenly not fine. I'm dying."
–Alex's mom and Alex

"Open foot, insert mouth."
–My mom, who had no idea what she'd said until I pointed it out

"My hand looks really pale next to yours."
"Most things pale in comparison to me."
–My sister and my dad

"Could you cook it rare or medium rare?"
"No. I'm going to cook it until it's shoe leather and fix the hole in my boot."
–My friend and her dad, about steaks

Alex: -drinking juice pouch- "Have you ever squirted someone in the face with one of these?"
Me: -gets up and moves-
Alex: "Well, that's a conversation stopper."

"I feel really random today. I got out of the shower and my first thought was, 'I'm bleeding water'."
–Alex

"In order to get away with performing in front of an audience with just maracas, you have to be very attractive and partially naked."
–My dad

Me: "I forgot my sunglasses."
Dad: -gestures at sky- "Sun, begone!"
-sun goes behind cloud-
Me: "By golly!"
Dad: "That'll be five dollars."

"There was a spider on my arm so then I had a fit and then I died."
–Alex

"Having your online friends try to stop you from procrastinating is like asking a blind guy to teach you how to read."
–AmyQueen95, in one of our awesome PM conversations

"Honk your horn like crazy and see if someone will come beat you up so we can get an ambulance ride home."
–Alex's plan to escape clogged up traffic

"I think I'm a conversation suicide bomber."
–Alex

Grandpa: "It's older than we are. Alas, no one has offered to preserve us."
Grandma: "Just dip us in bronze and stick us on the mantle."
Me: -laughs-
Grandpa: "That was a little weird, dear."
Grandma: "You would need a really big mantle."
–my grandparents discussing of the restoration of a historical building

"How are your eyes? Really bad or just kind of bad?"
"Just kind of bad. If I didn't feel the need to see details, I wouldn't even have to wear glasses."
"That's what I say too… except 'details' for me are small animals and children."
–My mom's boyfriend and me

Grandma Helen: -sneezes-
Me: "Gazundheit."
-furnace kicks on-
Grandma Helen: "Goodness, I sneezed the furnace on!"
–My ninety-three-year-old great-grandmother and me

"Your hair is so straight that if you straightened it, it would probably curl."
–Alex's mom, to me

"Any kid who can't appreciate Lord of the Rings is a dud in my eyes. Give 'em up, try again."
–Alex

"I am snake people. You may call me sneeple."
–My roommate, Brie

"Is this what being an adult is? Fuck... let's break something."
–also Brie

Other Quotes:

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
–A bumper sticker

"The newscaster is the person who says, 'Good evening,' and then tells you why it's not."
–Anonymous

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
–Adam Savage

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult."
–E. B. White

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
–Albert Einstein

"Always deny the apocalypse, because you'll usually be right, and when you're wrong, there'll be nobody there to say, 'I told you so.'"
–Charlie McDonnell

"Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
–Anonymous

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit and move on."
–W.C. Fields

A Short Poem

There Was A Man by Dennis Lee

There was a man who never was
This tragedy occurred because
His parents, being none too smart
Were born two hundred years apart

I Beta'd most of Something RomeoandJulietish by OwlinAMinor

All but the last two chapters. Check it out, if you want. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.