The essential guide to Janizary:

#1: I am lazy

#2: But I work with astounding productivity

#3: Which, in turn, makes good things happen

#4 So I can go back to being lazy

#5 Rinse, repeat...money appears in the bank

#6: I am no better than Maslow's dog (yes, I did that on purpose...)

#7: :" (ferret smile)

I am not a writer, aspiring writer, or any relation thereof. I came to FFdotNet for entertainment purposes. The 'real' writers here provide countless hours of enjoyment and a continuation with those special characters I've come to know and love. My hat is off to the real artists. Anything that might fall out of my head and on to a keyboard is due to the encouragement (and prodding) of the real heroes on this site. Reading anything I write comes with a healthy disclaimer of 'here there be monsters' ;) And some, just because I like to see people smile.

"Stories"

Mass Effect: Doing the rounds -- Mass Effect 2 - If you know ME, you know about 'The Rounds'. Shepard's endless pacing about the ship, bothering people who would probably like to just do their jobs. Random observations, comic happenings, and embarrassment abounds. 08/15/13: Wow, 8 (ha, ha, ha) 8 chapters. I'm officially prolific (and immitating 'the Count') :D

Runtime 831 -- Mass Effect 2 - Tribute to Raven Studios' 'Newton's Second Law' (Chapter 10). I had a giggle and my brain wouldn't let it go. Legion (at a micro-view). Done for a chuckle.

Mass Effect: Twas the night before Christmas -- Seasonal. A change-up on the old Christmas time poem as Shepard and the Dirty Dozen lead the assault on the Collector base. One-shot.

Rhand: Reflection and Remembrance -- Living Steel quotes. Not really a 'story', but done in the style of the core rules 'side bar' quotes that were so entertaining. Posted them for 'The Group'. You know who you are. ;)

Living Steel: The 'other' half -- Not all Ringers are Sword Worlders from birth. Some came from more 'colorful' backgrounds. Some backstory on one such Imperial, and his path to rebellion. Not all heroes are paragons...and some are just dirty liars ;)

Living Steel: The Delta String -- Living Steel/Rhand: 2349 - A string of one-shots involving ISS "Group G", the development of the Delta weapon, and paths crossed with Operation Seven Swords group 63.

Living Steel: Trash -- Living Steel/Rhand: 2349 - Vissers need waste disposal too. Ben Carson one-shot.

• May post some writing (stories, not the quotes mentioned above) for a game known as Living Steel (circa 1980s before going out of print) that I did years ago...if I could ever get the courage to expose them to a large group. 12/14: First two up ("The other half" and "The Delta String")

Edward Kammert transcriptions: Working on transcribing hand-written stories from a very good friend long deceased, because I think his other friends should be able to share in the joy of reading his works as much as I have. The following are transcribed Edward Kammert works for the "Circle of Friends":

• Truth -- DragonStar Rising/Living Steel - A young Imperial Starfleet Infantryman's trial by fire brings realization that his beliefs may be built upon a foundation of sand.

• The Dogmen -- Living Steel/Rhand: 2349 - Featuring Ben Carson, and Waldo, uh, Max if you can find him

• Protocol -- DragonStar Rising/Living Steel - Ben Carson short

If anyone cares:

Books: Just about anything from Peter F. Hamilton, Fionavar Tapestry, Guardians of the Flame, Mithgar (McKiernan), WoT (picked up the EotW in trade paperback first release in 1990 and been hooked every since), David Eddings Belgariad/Malorean, Riftwar (Feist), Karen Traviss RC and IC novels, Thomas Covenant (The Unbeliever), The old Thieves World series/compilation, and too many others to list. I think I am far too picky on the tech books. Too many tech authors want to show off their shiny toys, rather than just have them be a part of the story. I mentioned Peter F. Hamiliton first because he is, in my little opinion, a master at doing just that. Stark and brilliant changes in the tech of mankind, but its all just part of the background, the story, rather than dangling it in front of the reader's faces with their cleverness.

Music: I know what I like, but I'd be damned if I could tell you for the most part who it is when its played.

Games: DayZ, SWTOR (/whisper Janizary, Krase, Thomen, Vancery, S'vaine, Giasta, Rydel, or Islena on Harbinger). Half-Life 1/2, Mass Effect (..."Wildly different endings"...yeah right), Resident Evil, S.T.A.L.K.E.R., FO3, Crysis (all PC platform); Old School pen/paper/dice player. I don't do cards, I don't do board games (well, there was one, but I could never beat the SCEDM at it). Zombie survival games.

Movies: Home Theater junkie. Action, Adventure, some horror (Zombie-related mostly), Fantasy, Sci-Fi, drama. I am a sucker for a well done romance. Not a cheesy 'modern' romance. I love a a difficultly won romance that just flows well with the story. I loath cheesy 'why the hell are they kissing' moments: "Really, mate, I don't know you well, but there's a monster on the other side of that door trying to eat us, got time for a shag?" Bah.

Don't even get me started on some of the gawd-awful movie kissing. Who kisses like they are tryig' to suck your lower face off? No, I did not want to feel you tongue in my nose, dammit! The next evolutionary step for romantic actors will be un-hingable jaws. Hey, I'm just putting it out there...

TV: Farscape (Frelling cancelled), LOST (Yes, get over it), Flash Forward (humbug), Defying Gravity (double humbug), The Unit (triple damn humbug), NCIS/NCIS:LA, Spartacus: Blood and Porn, uh, Sand, Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Torchwood (cancelled), Outcasts (cancelled), Fringe (cancelled), Strike Back, Person of Interest, The Blacklist (I rally love Red). And I'll admit to quite a bit of DIY, Historical, and other nifty stuff like 'Life without People', 'The Universe', Cosmos (though Sagan will always be the 'voice' in my head), etc.

Hobbies: See above ;) Plus hiking with my boys, motorcycling (dual sport and cruising), just about anything in water (my gills retract when out of water), automotive fiddling (don't ask), pestering my wife with odd questions (shhhh), playing practical jokes on my oldest son, avoiding summer heat in Vegas (unless it involves being submerged in water, or jumping off tall geography into water). Hey, I like the winters here. Summers...no.

Dislikes: Bullies, Bigots, Racists, (you get the picture 'hate groups'), people with more opinions than brains, olives (but I like olive oil), barking dogs, driving (see exception, motorcycling), and freeway construction. I really, really loath freeway construction.

Quote: The meaning of "Tradition": Stupidity done on purpose. (Onos T'oolan)