Hello, I am Teddy1994, (On here anyway) and this is just what I decided to do due to total boredom and lack of life. I originally started this account to be able to review and save my fave stories. I have a couple of stories and I would like you to read and review them please!!!

I live in a small town that is the equivalent of hell in my book, I go to a high school as a senior in a place that has drama practically dripping from every orifice I have one best friend who acts like a complete nut 99.999% percent of the time and I absolutely love her. Even if she can be totally annoying sometime's.

I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed.

Karin... Just when you thought you were too mature to hate a cartoon character.

101 things to do at WalMart - If you have done at least 10 of these then you my friend, are super awesome!!

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy".

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code Red in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

43. Two words: "Marco Polo."

44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.

45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.

55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."

59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.

70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.

71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag

72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"

73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes

74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane

76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)

77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"

78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight

79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.

80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.

81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section

82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.

83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.

84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.

85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.

86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"

87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.

88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught

89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.

90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."

91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.

92. Rearrange items as you see fit.

93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.

94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs.

95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).

96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended).

97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.

98. Follow someone until they notice.

99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7 Up commercial.

100. Throw Skittles at people and scream "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"

101. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.

Don't underestimate me, pal. See this smile? It's not really a smile. It's a destraction so I can punch you in the face.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh becase you are all the same.

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

Heaven kicked me out. Hell was afraid I'd take over. Well, Here I am!

COCA COLA WENT TO TOWN

PEPSI COLA KNOCKED HIM DOWN

DR PEPPER PICKED HIM UP

NOW WE'RE DRINKING 7 UP.

7 UP CAUGHT THE FLU

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING MOUNTAIN DEW

MOUNTAIN DEW FELL OFF THE MOUNTAIN

NOW WE'RE DRINKING WATER FOUNTAIN

WATER FOUNTAIN BROKE

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING COKE!

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Will help you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Will keep on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Will help you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will give you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and run.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Ask you to write down their number.

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give them back.
BEST FRIENDS: Lose your stuff and tell you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Will help you find your way when you're lost.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions.

FRIENDS: Will help you learn to drive.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect insurance.

FRIENDS: Will watch your pets when you go away.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't let you go away.

FRIENDS: Will help you up when you fall down.
BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped you.

FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with you.

FRIENDS: Ask you for your number
BEST FRIENDS: Ask you for their number

FRIENDS: Hide you from the cops
BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after you in the first place

FRIENDS: Let you make an idiot of yourself in public
BEST FRIENDS: Are up there with you making an idiot out of themselves too.

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!

Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.

Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.

Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.

Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hogwarts has seen in a while.

Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.

Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.

Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy … disagrees.

Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.

Ron Weasley … is very afraid.

Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.

Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.

Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.

George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.

Oliver Wood... has heard every single joke possible about his name. No, that is not a challenge.

Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.

James Potter … doesn’t believe her.

Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.

Sirius Black … Escaped Azkaban, evaded Dementors, outwitted Ministry, killed by drapery.

Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.

Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.

Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.

Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as ‘Luscious Mouthful’.

Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence.

Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.

Slytherins … will push someone else off.

Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.

Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.

Copy this to your profile if you ever pushed the door that said pull

If you would love to stay a night in a library, copy and paste this on your profile

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love the rain, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're one of those people who gets excited when they get a new review, copy and paste this in your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

To attract men, wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

They say "guns don't kill people; people kill people", but I think guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you would kill too many people.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.

Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.

Don't count the days, make the days count

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand apples!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned

I'm not crazy, you're just more sane than I am

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now if only I can figure out where I am..

I smile because I have no Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away...plus, you have their shoes!

You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. (IPod Background!)

We all smile in the same language

My door is always open, so feel free to leave

Second place is the first loser

Intelligence has limits, stupidity doesn't.

Ifyoucanreadthisthenyouarewaytoosmartforyourowngood.

We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same

Jasper Hale: More Manipulative Than You Since 1843

Alice Cullen: More Irritating Than You Since 1901

Edward Cullen: More of a Pedophilic Rapist-Stalker Than You Since 1901

Bella Swan: More of a Mary Sue Than You Since 1988

You know how Edward knocked up a girl 1/5 his age? Yeah, that's disgusting. Oh, and also physically impossible. 'Cause he's dead. Men don't produce sperm when they're dead.

You know how Jacob made out with Bella against her will? Yeah, that's sexual assault. It's illegal.

You know how Edward followed Bella around and snuck into her bedroom to watch her sleep for several months without her knowledge? Yeah, that's stalking. It's illegal too.

You know how Bella screwed a dead guy? That's called necrophilia. Technically bestiality too, since he's not human. Both are highly frowned upon.

The Harry Potter Pledge

If I get a facial scar,

I'll think of Harry P

And if my brothers take all control

I'll think of Ron Weasley

If my hair is like a bush

I'll think Hermione G

Or if I feel too overworked

I'll think of poor Dobby

And if I feel just like a snoot

I'm Draco M that day

If I am simply just a hoot

I'm Hedwig all the way

If I feel way too wise and old

I'll think of Dumbledore

Or I'll be dear old Neville L

Any time I snore

I'll think of Hagrid every time

The food is just too bad

And Voldemort will fill my mind

Whenever I am mad

My blood will run gold every time

That I am truly brave

Or I'll be a Marauder

When I simply can't behave

Sevy Snape will be my guy

When love is complicated

And I'm Delores Umbridge

When I am simply hated

Hogwarts is my only home

Until I'm cold and dead

And when I put down one of the books

It won't be left unread

I pledge my life to Harry P

And the magic world around

Cuz JKR has touched my life

And to Harry James Potter, I am bound

The Stairs
Tripped UP
Ever
Have
You
Page if
Your
On
Put This

--Girls-- --
--are like apples--
--on trees. The best ones--
--are at the top of the tree.--
--The boys don't want to reach--
--for the good ones because they-
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
-Instead, they get the rotten apples-
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
something is wrong w/ them when in
-reality they're amazing. They just-
-have to wait for the right boy to--
--come along, the one who's-
--brave enough to--
--climb all--
--the way--
--to the top--
--of the tree.--

(\)_(/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination!

Put this on your Profile.
If you Love Music
(o)

(\_/) PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE
('.') IF YOU HATE
(")_(") ANIMAL CRUELTY

x
x XxXxXxXxXxX
x xXxPotterxXx... Rules.
x XxXxXxXxXxX
x

Put this on your page
if you love to laugh!

You know you live in 2011 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2. Hi.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have an AIM/Facebook/OoVoO/Skype

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.

you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

8. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

9. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

10. You were too busy to notice number five.

11. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.

12. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

13. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did.

29 reasons why girls are the best

1.We got off the Titanic first
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

FRIENDS: never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs., and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never see you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Won't tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you're not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you

BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in his/her body if he/she hurts you

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say "you have seven days to live"

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BESTFRIENDS: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BESTFRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: help you up when you fall

BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: give you their umbrella in the rain

BESTFRIENDS: take yours and say, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipe your tears when you're rejected

BESTFRIENDS: go up to him and say, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BESTFRIENDS: Have you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff and give it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS: Lose your stuff and tell you, "my bad .. here's a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS: Would walk right in and say, "IM HOME"

FRIENDS: Have to be told not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you've had enough

BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that you know we don't waste"

FRIENDS: Comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: Go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: Bail you outta jail

BEST FRIENDS: Sit next to you singing the jail song

FRIENDS: Tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: Are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think you're insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: Come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: Are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: Are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: Kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: Are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: Will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: Don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: Are asking why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: Dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: Dare you to go streaking

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS: Will repost this crap.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Gryffindor (The biggest heroes in HP history as far as we know):

1. Welcome to Gryffindor, a Weasley has probably slept in your bed.

2. Gryffindors: Brave to the point of Idiocy.

3. Gryffindor: Because we blur the line between bold and stupid every time.

4. The beautiful, the brave and the bold.

5. Gryffindor: I'll kick your ass.

6. I'm in Gryffindor, you're in Gryffindor- let's hug!!

7. Gryffindor: because we get enough exercise just pushing our luck.

8. No excuses, rule breaking is customary.

9. Gryffindors are attention whores.

Slytherin (The Junior Death Eaters):

1. We aren't all evil... yeah, we are.

2. Cunning and Ambition: Slytherin.

3. Go ahead, be a little naughty.

4. Slytherin: We have chained boys in the dungeons.

5. Slytherin: Because our common room is underwater (and that's cool).

6. It's not that we aren't better than you (except it totally is).

7. Why be normal? Or good?

8. We are Junior Death Eaters. Deal with it.

9. Slytherin: means never having to say you're sorry.

10. Seriously evil wizard coming through.

11. I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.

12. Slytherins do it on Snape's desk.

13. Voldemort needs prison bitches.

14. Because real friends help you Incendio the bodies.

15. Property of the Half-Blood Prince.

16. We're only wearing black until something darker comes along.

17. Don't hate us because we're beautiful, hate us because we kick your ass at everything.

18. Never wound what can kill you.

Hufflepuff (Some of the best people you'll ever meet):

1. I'm planning your death but in a happy way.

2. Brace yourself- I'm going to hug you.

3. Nobody ever suspects the Hufflepuff.

4. You may be smarter, cooler, and better, but we still think you suck.

5. You think we're nice? That's cute...

6. Nowhere in the song does it say we're nice.

7. The love of a Hufflepuff was the only love good enough for Neville.

8. Hufflepuff: We kill you with smiles and rainbows.

9. All we got was Cedric... and that didn't turn out so good, did it?

10. Hufflepuff's kick ass too.

11. Hufflepuff: Formerly known as the party house.

12. Hufflepuff's know how to party.

13. Hufflepuff: We have cupcakes. Need we say more?

14. Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.

15. Hufflepuff's are Particularly good finders.

Ravenclaw (The smartest house with the only ones who don't blow themselves up):

Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

1. I don't need romance, I have goldfish.

2. A room without books is like a body without a soul.

3. I can kill you with my brain.

4. Ravenclaw pride. Be afraid.

5. It's not that we are smarter than you (except it totally is).

6. I'm a Ravenclaw, which clearly means I am eligible to boast about my intelligence level in your face.

7. Ravenclaw: because we know every insult in the book.

8. Ravenclaw: geeks shall inherit the earth.

9. Ravenclaw: Dangerously over-educated.

10. Ravenclaw: Tact enough for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

11. Ravenclaw: because everyone else is just dumb.

47 ways to annoy a Non-Harry Potter fan:

1). Relate everything they say to the Harry Potter books or movies.

2). Crowd their inbox with Harry Potter related emails and make the subject misleading.

3). Give them Harry Potter merchandise for their birthday and demand they cherish it forever.

4). Pretend you can do magic.

5). Yell "CRUCIO" whenever they insult Harry Potter.

6). If your late for something blame it on your broken time turner.

7). Sort every person you meet in to one of the four houses.

8). Say "Lumos" every time you turn on a light.

9). If you're asked to retrieve something shout "Accio" loudly.

10). Refuse to wash your hair and explain you're going for the Snape look.

11). Spend hours at a time trying to make your broom fly.

12). Tap all brick walls you encounter with an umbrella.

13). Demand to know what exactly the function of a rubber duck is.

14). Carry around a hip flask like Moody and refuse to drink anything anyone else offers you.

15). Hum the Harry Potter theme song all day long.

16). Talk to animals and insist that they're Animagi.

17). Walk up to random people and ask if their initials are R.A.B.

18). Tell them that they're almost as smart as Grawp.

19). Refuse to tell them who Grawp is.

20). Whenever it gets foggy outside scream "The Dementors are coming!" and hide for days at a time.

21). Point at modern electronic devices and say "Look at that! The things these Muggles come up with!"

22). Point and grunt and insist that your speaking troll.

23). Take them to a CD store and make them look for the new Weird Sisters Album.

24). Always speak with a British accent, especially if your not from the U.K.

25). Draw round glasses and a lightning bolt scar on every poster you come across.

26). Constantly compare them to Mrs. Figg.

27). Laugh evilly if they ask who Mrs. Figg is.

28). Complain loudly about how your pictures don't move.

29). Break any awkward silences by saying "How 'bout them Chudley Cannons, eh?"

30). Say "Alohomora" every time you open a door.

31). Every time you see them demand an explanation of why they don't like Harry Potter.

32). Say everything in a sing-song voice like Luna Lovegood.

33). Shriek loudly and say that you're speaking Mermish.

34). If they ask you about the weather solemnly say, "Mars is bright tonight."

35). Pretend you're under an invisibility cloak and shout "You can't see me!"

36). Knit them a maroon jumper every year, especially if maroon isn't their color.

37). Draw the sign of the Hallows on every surface in the house.

38). While playing chess with them, stare at your pieces and give them verbal commands.

39). Throw the chess board across the room when the pieces don't move.

40). When one of the movies is on TV remind them every five minutes.

41). Refer to random people as "You-Know-Who."

42). Start swatting at the air saying there's a wrackspurt around.

43). Ask them to help you study for your O.W.L.'s

44). Walk around bumping into walls explaining your looking for the Room of Requirement.

45). Run up to random men with long dark hair and scream "SIRIUS! I always knew you were alive!"

46). Hog the computer when making Harry potter videos on youtube.

47). Tell them that You-Know-Who was defeated today. When they ask "Who's you-know-who?" pretend to be offended and don't tell them who he is.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."

You live off of sugar and caffeine

People think you're insane.

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then disappear off the face of the earth the next.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!

When life gives you lemons...

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

When life gives you lemons use them to squirt in the eyes of your enemys.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the whole world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, forget to add sugar and then offer a glass to a friend.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back in life's face and demand grapefruit.

When life gives you lemons, boil them until they shrivel up and die.

When life gives you lemons, plant them and give other people lemons from our lemon tree.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and ask for chocolate!

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them and add plenty of gin and tonic

Copy this into your profile and add another if you can think of one if not just copy this into your profile. Lemons RULE!

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to your mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, and date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!

apparently 1 in 5 people are chinese, there are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. it's ether my mum or dad. or my older brother colin. or my younger brother ho-chan-chu. but i think it's colin.

borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

ifr quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'

whise cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

how is it possible to have a civil war?

if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back?

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother-in-law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why are Pringles curved?

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was the prime suspect.