ARE YOU?

1. Perfect? Nobody is.
2. Tall? Yep. Around 6'1"
3. In your pajamas? Nope.
4. Left handed? Yep. Which means I write slower and can't use a regular pen easily. Or maybe that's just me...

LAST:

1. Friend you saw: Robert.
3. Person to text you: I don't have a phone.
4. Was today better than yesterday? Everyday sucks.

FAVORITES:

1. Number: 7. I know, how original, right?
2. Color(s): Bright Red and Bright Blue.
3. Fruit: Apples, grapes, watermelons.
4. Place: My room, late at night, hearing the soft rain outside my window.

EIGHT EMOTIONS:

1. Are you missing someone right now? No. I don't really like people all that much.
2. Are you happy? Meh, it could be worse.
3. Are you sad? I don't know, honestly.
4. Are you bored? Always.
6. Are you nervous? Not at the moment.
8. Are you tired? Kinda.

ABOUT YOU:

Real name? I'd rather not say.
2. Nick names? None.
3. Eye color? Brown
4. Zodiac sign? Virgo. How...appropriate.
5. Male or female? The former.
6. Slut? In my mind.
7. Smart? Not really.
8. Hair color? Black.
9. Long or short? Short. I can't stand long hair on guys.
10. Sweats or Jeans? Whatever's more comfortable.
11. Phone or Camera? Phone.
12. Drink or Smoke? I would never drink and if I smoked, I would probably die because of my asthma.
13. Righty or lefty? The latter, though I'm pretty sure this was already asked.

FIRSTS:

1. First best friend? I've never had one.
2. First crush? I don't like people.
3. First pet? I've never had a pet, personally, but my grandma has two Shih Tzus and I live with her, so I guess you could count that.
4. First big vacation? Chicago, though it wasn't much of a vacation.

CURRENTLY:

1. Eating? Nothing, but I do have a bag of combos that are calling my name...
2. Drinking? Apple juice.
3. I'm about to: Go find some GOOD fanfiction to read or go to sleep.
4. Listening to? Demons by Imagine Dragons
5. Plans for today? Relax, or do my homework. Nah, I'll just relax.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH YOUR PERSON OF INTEREST:

1. Shorter or taller? Shorter than me.
2. Romantic or spontaneous? Eh. Depends.
3. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive, I can't stand any thing loud or obnoxious.
4. Hook-up or relationship? I don't think I'd ever have a one-night stand. Or a relationship to be honest.

HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Drank bubbles? No. That's Dangerous!
2. Lost glasses/contacts? I've never lost my glasses...on accident.
3. Ran away from home? Hah hah. I don't run.
4. Broken someone's heart? No one would ever be interested in me for me to do so.
5. Been arrested? No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

1. Miracles? Nope.
2. Yourself? Eh, I'm not all that good at anything.
3. Heaven? Yes.
4. Santa Claus? No. I don't really believe in much on this Earth.
4. Love? There is no such thing as love, except loving your children or parents. But I don't think I love anyone, not even my family.
5. Do you like someone? It would not matter even if I did.
6. Do you believe in God? Yes.
7. Answered the truth on all questions? Well, everything except the 'What are you drinking'.

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal put this in your profile!

If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen asleep in class, copy this to your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you absolutely REFUSE to grow up copy this into your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

wowlookatthisimtypingthisveryoddlinebreakifyoucanreaditcopyandpasteyousmartperson

If Orochimaru creeps the shit out of you, copy and paste this onto your profile and add your name: Lily, Danni Lea, Arashi Kitsune-sama, Fresh Prince of Konoha, Jakker

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Nine-Tailed Uzumaki, zElDaPhAnToM-bLiNdBaNdIt-RaVeN, Firehawk, Rainfire, Feathertail1021, Kagekitsune49, Arashi Kitsune-sama, Fresh Prince of Konoha, Jakker

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you can read that please put it in your profile.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been
with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing
when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't
always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than
you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using
mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student,
only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that
they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It
declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to
administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform
parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their
victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and
was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife,
Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To
Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the
majority and do nothing.

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be
stopped, put this poem on your profile

Read this outloud.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is dumbass cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back up and read the third word in each sentence. If you didn't catch it the first time through, copy and paste it. And you know that you didn't.

Here are some quotes I like:

"I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t use drugs. That may be boring for some people, but that’s just me. That’s how I live my life. That stuff never appealed to me and I never understood getting so messed up that you can’t even walk home or remember the previous night. I choose to live my life without it."-CM Punk.

("Money doesn't buy happiness.") Rebuttal: "...Have you ever tried not having money before?"

"I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal." Peter La Fleur - Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

"Show me a man with a combover and I'll show you a man that believes that by crushing a bag of chips... you make more chips." Sheng Wang

"Just because you sold seven million albums doesn't mean you’re talented. It just means that there are seven million people that are stupid as hell." Phil 'CM Punk' Brooks

"Do you know what it's like going through life being better than everybody? It's hard."

"Experience isn't something you get until right after you need it."

"I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there." Charlie Sheen

"Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid."

"You should never avert your eyes from death, never look away from the lives you have taken. And you should never forget the people that you have killed, because I can assure you they will never forget you." Solf J. Kimblee - Fullmetal Alchemist

"Yep, hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your enemies. Killing a man with your bare hands says 'We're all equals as men except I'm slightly more equal because I'm still alive and your dead.' Of course dropping a nuke on them from 50 thousand feet is totally acceptable. I mean let's face it, there just not enough time in this world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling."

"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction." General Douglas MacArthur

"Cheating: The Plan B of winners for over 2000 years."

"You never want to be in a fair fight if an unfair fight is an option." Forrest Griffin - Be Ready When The Sh*t Goes Down (A Survival Guide To The Apocalypse)

"I've got half a mind to kill you, and the other half agrees."

"Keep your expectations low. If you expect a kick in the balls, but get a slap in the face, then it's a victory."

"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place."

"That's what the Internet is for! Slandering others anonymously."

"Fighting fair is for people that don't know how to avoid losing correctly."

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" Scott Adams

“There’s only two men I trust. One of ‘em’s me, the other one’s not you” Cameron Poe - Con Air

"The object of war is not to die for your country, it's to make the other bastard die for his." General George S. Patton

“Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?" Sideshow Bob - The Simpsons

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much." Oscar Wilde

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." Unknown

"That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer!" Calculon - Futurama

"I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."-Mewtwo from Pokemon: The First Movie

"Go fuck yourself!" General Paul von Lettow-Vorbeck after being asked to be a German ambassador by Hitler. Also, everyone who has ever lived ever.

"They've got us surrounded again, those poor bastards." Creighton Abrams.

"Retreat? Hell, we just got here!" US Marine Captain Lloyd Williams when advised to withdraw by a French officer near Lucy-le-Bocage, June 1, 1918.

"Y'all can kiss my ass." James Allan 'Red Dog' when asked if he had any last words before his execution.

"Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?" Gunnery Sergeant Daniel Daly shouted to his marines as they were pinned down during the Battle of Belleau Wood.

"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." J. Robert Oppenheimer upon witnessing the first tests of the atomic bomb.

"No damn man kills me and lives." Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest's response after being shot by a subordinate officer, who he killed after surviving the wound.

"I have no idea. People who boast about their I.Q. are losers." Stephen Hawking, when asked about his I.Q.

"Hurry it up! I want to be in hell in time for dinner." Edward H. Rulloff before being hanged in New York(the state).

"I wish you all had one neck and that I had my hands on it." Carl Panzram

Naru/Hina:

What can I say? In one of the author's notes of my first story, I said I didn't hate this pairing, but I think I have to retract that statement. Why do I not like it? Because Hinata saw how lonely he was, but was too shy to do anything, and she has the nerve to say she loves him? If she did, she would have put aside her own shyness to bring him out of his loneliness. They barely interact, and she knows nothing about him. She is to Naruto what Sakura was/is to Sasuke. I have read some people claim she is just like Kushina. In what way is she anything like Kushina? They are complete opposites.

If they meet when they're younger and slowly develop things for each other, that's different, but if Naruto meets Hinata and is suddenly in love with her after she confesses her 'love' for him, it just makes me sigh and roll my eyes. Basically, it's easy to find a Naru/Hina, but it's hard to find a good one.

Naruto/Kushina:

No. Just no. Does no one see how disgusting that is? She is his fuckingmother, for God's sake. Can you imagine fucking your mother? It doesn't matter that he doesn't know her, she's still his mother! It doesn't matter that he looks like Minato, he isn't and it's her son! I can't read these. There were plenty of good stories that I stopped reading because they made it a Naru/Kushi. It's just plain disgusting.

If Kushina isn't his mother, then I can read them, but I still cringe. I retract this statement. Apparently, to most, it's only 'hot' (ugh) when she is his mother.

Naru/Harem:

I hate harems. If Naruto is paired with two people, then I can understand it. I can see a person being in love with two people, but not twenty. When a fic is started, why is the first question out of everyone's mouth 'Who's he gonna fuck?' or 'How many girls is he gonna fuck?' I won't read a massive harem. I find it unbelievable that 21 girls are okay with sharing him with everyone else. And I know what you're gonna say: "Oh, yeah, and giant water dragons are sooooo believable." Actually, I find that more believable than getting 21 girls. Let's say you were a part of the Naruto universe. Eventually, you could get to a level where you could use a water dragon, but even in this realm of fantasy, you could never get that many girls.

Why is it that everyone seems to think giving Naruto everything with a vagina under the sun will make him more 'badass' or 'awesome'? I even saw one where Naruto's dog is given a human form for the sole purpose of having him fuck her. That's the same when they give Naruto a twin sister just so he has another hole.

Especially when they give him somebody who's already in a relationship like Kurenai or Yugao. I doubt they would give up someone they have known for years, for a 'cute, sweet, non-perverted' 12 year old that they just met and, somehow, instantly fell in love with. And, you know, who is TWELVE. You all do realize that is pedophilia, right? And you can go ahead and pull that flimsy 'He's a ninja, so he's an adult!' excuse. It's true that he is technically an adult, but he still has the body and mindset of a twelve year old. Any person who is attracted to that is a pedophile. Is it only okay when the woman is a pedophile or something. You all wouldn't read a story that has Sakura with a thirty year old man, would you?

Or someone like Konan, who is like in her late 30s/early 40s, who betrays the Akatsuki to be with Naruto. "Oh, Hey Nagato. I just wanted to say that, even though we've been like siblings for like 30 years, I'm betraying the organization that our dead friend started because I found a hot guy who makes me smile, even though I just met him."

WTF!

If you do this, you don't understand what Konan and Nagato mean to each other.

To me, if your story is a harem, it's automatically shit.

Harem Rant Time:

You know, I recently read a story. It was a Naru/Harem because you can't go five seconds without finding one of those. Anyway, I forget what it was called (I never really read the title, just the description), but I read it anyway because I liked the idea. But now, I can basically just point to it and say 'Pretty much that.' for everything that's wrong with Harems.

First off, there are three gods of the story, who are, unsurprisingly, women. And you know in these stories that whenever something with a vagina gets within five feet of Naruto, they immediately jump down his pants, so I saw what was going to happen from a mile away. Anyway, Naruto had just defeated Sasuke at the VotE and was bringing him back to Konoha when he gets attacked by Kakashi and left for dead. Then, the three 'goddesses' come down and fix Naruto, because they obviously have nothing better to do. They then offer to send Naruto to another universe (it was a crossover) to train for three years on the condition that he comes back to destroy Konoha, and that all three of them would (surprise, surprise) be mated to him. The author didn't even state a reason for it! They send Naruto to the other universe to some dragon and tell him to train Naruto, while they kill the Akatsuki, but some of them live to become Naruto's bodyguards.

This made me wonder why, if they wanted Konoha gone so bad, they didn't just do it themselves? I mean, they even go to Konoha to tell them about Naruto surviving and Kakashi trying to kill him. But whatever. Anyway here's where the Harem comes in. One timeskip later and we find out what's been happening the last three years. Apparently, there are some shinobi of Konoha siding with Naruto. Though that's mostly just six specific girls that the author decides are going to love him for some reason. Anko, because he's like her, even though he barely interacted with her once. Hinata, because she admires him, even though he has barely ever interacted with her. Tenten, because she feels guilty, even though he interacts with her even less than he does with Hinata. Hana Inuzuka because she likes how he smells (I swear it said something like that), even though I'm pretty sure Naruto has never even heard of her. Temari, because she is grateful for what he did for Gaara, and she likes the fact that he didn't end up like Gaara. Really? Is that really a viable reason to love somebody? And, finally, Ino. Because she...well, she has a vagina as well. When Naruto learns about them, he immediately states that he loves all of them and that they can be with him, as well. Really? Reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyyy???????????? BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!

Also, for some reason, Kakashi didn't get punished or executed for his attack on Naruto. You could say it was because they didn't have any proof, but I would think that the word of God would be enough.

Next, when he revives Haku and Zabuza, the former immediately falls in love with him as well and he claims the same. Seriously, how can people not get sick of this? But that's not the worst part.

The breaking point for me came when he rescued Fu. It clearly states that she can't trust people easily, but after she regained conciousness and found out that Naruto saved her, they're making out not a minute after! Then, a small conversation happened between Naruto and Fu.

"I was to rebuild the Clans so I fell under the CRA (A bullshit idea that also pisses me off), the Clan Restoration Act if you didn't know. My parents can't have children anymore due to age so it's my job. Of course, I'd only marry who I love (BULLSHIT! You obviously don't know what love is). I hate men who just grab beautiful woman off the street to satisfy their perverted desires(you mean like how you're doing?)."

"So…you have a harem?"

Then, Naruto says something that pissed me off to no end:

"Harem is a word I despise. I like the term big family."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wrong! A big family is one full of you and people you care about, including mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, and even close friends. A big family is not one guy with a bunch of women!

Also, Minato was still alive, in a coma, and Kushina had that bullshit 'the Konoha elders lied to me' excuse. Of course, with Kushina alive, it's only a matter of time before Minato dies for real and she gets in her son's pants, too. Apparently because 'It's hot, dude.' If you seriously like incest, then there is something wrong with you.

The harem also showed no signs of stopping. It's only a matter of time before he's introduced to Yugito, Samui, Karui, and Mei, and they jump in his pants immediately, as well. I'm okay with it if he just sleeps around. Not attached to anybody, just in it for the sex. You know why that's fine with me and not something like what I just described? Because this kind of Naruto doesn't claim to love any of them, he just wants sex! Most of them should know that, too.

Romance should never be the main part of any story that isn't completely based around it in the first place. If it's an action story that has romance in it, it should not be equal parts romance and action/adventure, it should be majority action/adventure and minority romance. Personally, I don't even want to add any pairings for Naruto in any of my story, mostly because I suck at it, but also because I just don't want to.
Rant Over.

Clan Restoration Act:

What even is this? It's some flimsy thing authors put into stories so that they can 'justify' Naruto having a giant harem. They say it's to restore a clan, but how is that at all a good excuse? First of all, the Uzumaki have strong life forces and innate talent with sealing, but that's not enough to justify this idiotic 'law' being used. And anyway, even if it did exist, the way authors use it is all wrong. They use it by having Naruto take twenty (or more) wives, who he meets and who inexplicably fall in love with him in the first thirty seconds every damn time, and hope that they have kids some day. If this retarded law was real, what would really happen is Naruto providing semen samples, tests being done to find the best and most willing candidates to bear the children so the bloodline would come out strong. Then, the chosen women would be impregnated, and they'd have kids that would go to live with Naruto, who would raise and train them. It is doubtful there would be more than ten, and I'm sure he would have assistance. That's what would happen.

FemNaru:

I won't read these. Whenever I see it in the description, I immediately skip over it. Do you know why there are FemNarus? Mostly because the author wants to put him with a guy, but make it seem 'not gay', or because the author's female and wants to make a thinly-veiled attempt at a self-insert. I also hate when they change others genders because they want to throw them into a harem with him after they ran out of real girls. Except for Haku. Almost every story has him as a girl that even sometimes I forget he is a guy. For example, I almost accidentally wrote 'girl' instead of 'guy' at the end of that last sentence.

Do you know what's even worse? When they turn him into a girl...and STILL GIVE HIM A HUGE HAREM OF WOMEN!

Also, if you're going to ruin your story by turning characters into girls, at least have the decency to pick the 'Naruko' tag in the character list.

OC/Self-Insert

I hate when people make an OC that is vital to the plot. Why? Because the author makes him/her super over-powered that they could take on the Akatsuki on their own and still win. I could stand it if they train alongside Team 7 and become strong with them, though I would never read an OC centered story, but that's it. I don't want to read how some 12 year old can take down Konoha on their own, because, honestly, that just ruins the fic.

This is no longer true for me. One day I was bored and scrolling through the archive for Fairy Tail, I believe, and came across an OC story. Usually, I would just skip right over that, but, as I said, I was bored and decided 'Why not?'. So, I read it and Surprise! I actually liked it. After that, I found several other OC and Self-Inserts and liked them, too. Sure, there were crappy ones, but I can now say that I actually like these kinds of stories.

Yaoi:

What the fuck is up with all the Yaoi on this site, especially the Naruto section? Jesus Christ, I usually hear people bitch about this constantly (usually hypocrites who write Yuri, Harems, or a combination of the two), but I never used to see all that much of it. Now, holy crap, you can't skim down the Naruto fanfiction archive page without running into twenty of them. And yes, I do realize they only show twenty-five per page. I don't want to read about what Naruto would be like in high school and what he will do about his 'love' for Sasuke. Really, and I don't want to hear about how Naruto (because it's always Naruto) somehow got pregnant and has a girl. It's nearly always a girl because most yaoi writers are girls and they want to be Naruto's kid, and be an extremely powerful ninja, so they make his ass-baby a self-insert. But let's be honest; we've all had that fantasy of what it would be like to be in the Naruto universe. I have, and hell yes I would make myself totally overpowered. But I would never actually write that. Who the hell wants to read about some author's totally overpowered character of themselves? I know I wouldn't. And even if I did write one, I would give some explanation as to why I'm so powerful. Not the usual 'me and two friends fell into the Naruto universe and somehow we're super S-Rank level and everyone loves and trusts us and the guy I'm a fangirl of immediately falls in love with me! SSSSSSSQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Ahem* This is about Yaoi. Anyway, if a story looks good, I will read it even if it is Yaoi. To me, it is much more tolerable than Harems. I have a couple stories on my favorites list that have Naruto paired with a guy, but I favorited it, not because of that, but because one was a time-travel story and...well, I love time travel fics. I'll be honest, it was actually yaoi that introduced me to this site in the first place. Not from Naruto, though.

Stories in General:

I swear, there are nearly no good stories anymore. Ninety percent of Naruto fictions are yaoi, harems, or just generally shit. Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that mine are perfect, I know they are not, but they are definitely better than most of the shit on this site. You know those drop-down boxes on the archive page that lets you pick what genre, character, rating, etc.? Well, I wish they could add a few more boxes.

These would be the categories:

Harem fics

Yaoi fics

Incest fics

Stories with shitty ideas

Stories with shitty execution

Stories with shitty grammar/punctuation/capitalization/etc.

Stories that are just plain shitty

Stories that haven't been updated in over a year (They actually did this a while ago, I believe.)

Stories that are actually good

Wouldn't this be nice to have? I would love this thing! I believe I have many fantastic stories on my favorites list (though not all of them are from the Naruto fandom). For example, Life in Konoha's ANBU, or Dragon Age: The Crown of Thorns are stories that I really enjoy. Uzumaki Clan's Rebirth is one of the best Naruto fanfictions I have ever read. It's near the bottom of my favorite's list if you want to check it out. Sure it's over two years old, but it's done and I have rarely found anything nearly as good as that. I'll admit that some of them don't have the best grammar, etc. but I liked them so much that I let it slide. A couple days ago, I got rid of some stories I favorited because I thought I liked them, only to later realize were complete shit.

Grammar really needs to be good for people to really like your story. My stories may have several errors in grammar, but that's because I'm lazy and don't proofread. For example, I got rid of a story I liked because the grammar was just complete shit. I want to ask you, how many mistakes do you count in this sentence?

'He shrugged "could of gone worse, Bartrand's bread could have always came to life and attacked us" jokes aside Varric was right, that could have gone a little smoother, but a least now Bartrand was a least excepting their help.'

I may not be an English major, but I count fourteen. I won't point them all out, but here's how I think the sentence should be:

'He shrugged, "Could have gone worse. Bartrand's beard could have always come to life and attacked us." Jokes aside, Varric was right. That could have gone a little smoother, but at least now Bartrand was accepting their help.'

Isn't that way better?

Dark Naruto:

I like Dark Naruto stories, but there is something that happens in nearly every single one of them. He turns good again. Do you people not realize that we don't want Naruto to become good again? That's why we read them! Right now, I have one story that could be considered Dark Naruto, but I don't see it that way. I see my Naruto as a neutral person who looks out for himself and doesn't take shit from anybody, not a psychopathic killer.

I once read a Dark Naruto story where he turned good again. Now, to be fair, it did say that he would, but I wanted to see how it happened. He was pretty much an assehole to Konoha shinobi (he worked for Orochimaru). Anyway, I was expecting him to gradually come back to the good side after many confrontations with his old friends and heavy thinking about the situation. What I did not expect was for him to say some asshole comment to Sasuke, then for Hinata (who, for some reason, wasn't a stuttering pathetic mess) to order Naruto to apologize. I expected him to to basically say 'Fuck you.' but instead he bows to both of them and fucking stutters 'I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y. Obviously, I'm exaggerating, but that is basically how it happened. I literally said 'What the fuck?' My interest in that story went from sixty percent to zero after that conversation.

There is also something else that I've noticed happens in a lot of Dark Naruto stories. To me, he comes off as a brat. I know he's had a bad life, but I swear he gets really bitchy in some of them. I read this one story where he was stronger than Kakashi and, because Naruto was mentally unstable, he didn't know what Naruto might do to a kunoichi they had just captured. Naruto threatened to kill Kakashi for implying he would rape her, and that's when I realized it. He was acting just like Sasuke would. He was holding his power over the others' heads to make them do what he wants. It was a harem with canon girls and OC's and nearly half of every chapter was filler, so that wasn't the only reason it sucked. Also, I remember that Naruto found two enemies, and defeated them. That's fine, but then they offered themselves to him, he accepted (because why not? It's not like they were his enemies or anything!) and the two girls - who were sisters - started to talk excitedly about how they were going to be shared from then on.

Bashing:

I don't really mind bashing, especially Sakura and Sasuke. At one point, I was wondering why everyone was making Sasuke seem like he was an arrogant asshole who thought he was never wrong and deserves everything. I remember thinking that he never acted like that in the original anime. Then, I read the new manga chapter and he was acting exactly how everyone is making him out to be. For Sakura, I know everyone hates her because of how she hits Naruto repeatedly, but he can say some really stupid shit and annoy the hell out of you. I don't know about any of you, but I think I would have to punch him every once in a while to stay sane. I would still try to be his friend, though. But, then again, she is a useless fangirl that thinks she is better than Naruto, and that just pisses me right the fuck off. Don't know what everyone's problem with Kiba is, though.

At some point however, it gets excessive. Do you really think having Naruto or someone else call Orochimaru a pedophile will piss him off at all? I'm sure he's been called much worse. And Danzo. *Sigh* I'll be honest, I kind of like him. He comes off as a morally bankrupt asshole, but he would do anything for his village. Sure he's made some shit decisions, who hasn't? He doesn't regret them because that wouldn't change anything and he has more important things to worry about. ROOT is important because it does things that can't be blames on Konoha. If I were the Hokage, I would allow ROOT to operate as long as its shinobi volunteered to lose their emotions. So, those fics where he betrays Konoha are about as OOC as you can possibly get.

Like I said, I don't mind bashing, but I generally find that the best stories are ones that don't have bashing at all.

Other Things I Hate:

Horrific Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Capitalization: I can understand messing up once in a while, but if you do stuff like make run-on sentences, wrong punctuation, not putting commas where they are needed, not capitalizing things that need to be, constantly misspelling words, or you have to read a paragraph several times just to understand what the hell you just said, you should just stop writing. I get that English may not be your first language, but I have seen some kids in Elementary School write better, so you shouldn't bother with English. That's not to say all of you. I have read some fics from people with English as a secondary language that were quite good.

Here's a rule we learned in 2nd grade: New speaker=New paragraph. Why do so many people make this mistake? It has stuck with since I first learned it, and I am flabbergasted that so many people still do it. Do you just not want to put in the effort to press enter? Come on.

Misspelling words such as definitely as defiantly or lightning as lightening or affected as effected or vice-versa (though I can really understand that last one). Hell, I even saw one person who misspelled affinity as epiphany. How does that even happen?

FemKyuubi/Sob-Story Kyuubi: Kyuubi is a destructive force. It is not a wronged, kind, loving entity. It was not out one night searching for food to feed its 'kits' and returned to find them dead and blah, blah, blah. Do you know why there are FemKyuubi fics? Why so she can be thrown into the Harem, of course! Also, why does everyone seem to think FemKyuubi=GoodKyuubi? That's like saying that all males are inherently evil while all females are inherently good. And excuse me for saying this... Actually, don't excuse me, Kurama is a male name. Kurama is male. End of story. I think the only tailed beasts that have a chance at being female are the Nibi, and the Nanabi.

Also I hate when Kurama refers to Naruto as 'kit'. It would not do that. Naruto is not a baby fox, and Kurama isn't even a real fox. It was created in the shape of one, but it is not one. Kurama would either refer to Naruto by his name, or brat, kid, idiot, etc.

Hanyou-Naruto: I don't specifically hate Hanyou-Naruto, just those in which he gets fox tails and fox ears. What is the point of that? Oh, I know! So he looks more 'kawaii' and more women are compelled to join the harem. I know that tails can sound useful, but them on a normal sized human? They would be more fluff and more of a hindrance than anything. Although, I haven't seen this in a while, so I assume it only has to do with the older stories.

Defenseless Kunoichi: Why is it that if Naruto is with an extremely powerful Kunoichi, she goes from S-Rank level to low C-Rank level? For example, Mei Terumi has been captured by the Akatsuki, and Naruto has to rescue her. I understand that it would be possible to capture her if she were fighting Itachi and Kisame but the author made it seem like she was easily defeated by just Itachi with a simple Genjutsu while Kisame hung back. Then Naruto shows up, kicks both their asses and saves her. She is not the Godaime Mizukage for nothing! I think it would be possible for them to capture her after a long, drawn-out battle with both of them and they sustained heavy injury, but the author made it seem like Itachi just looked at her and BOOM. Captured.

Another example is a story in which Itachi was female, which I suffered through because Naruto had the Rinnegan, and he was immediately overpowered by Yugito. YUGITO. I get that she's powerful but there is no way Yugito is on Itachi's level. Also, it was little more than a cat-fight over Naruto! They might as well have been mud-wrestling in bikinis while hurling insults at each other.

Also, I hate it when Naruto refuses to kill someone or fight them if they are female. If someone is threatening to destroy your home and kill everyone you love, you will kill them no matter if they were male or female. If you say, "I will not fight a woman!" They are not going to be touched by this and just forget their mission because of your words. They are just going to shrug their shoulders, kill you, and move on. If anything, they'd be pissed because they'd think you didn't see kunoichi as a threat. Or if Naruto says, "I never liked killing a woman." That's like saying that women are more valuable than men.

Stupid/Naive/Loud Naruto AKA Canon Naruto: I hate when he cries over someone that is slightly like him. He is so desperate for attention that he will trust anyone who gives him the slightest bit. I know in Canon he was never beaten or raped, etc., but he has no attachments to Konoha. If I were him, I would have just said "I don't feel anything for this city, why am I here?" and left! But, nooooo, he somehow falls in love with Konoha and will die for people who don't give a shit about him. I'm starting to think he was brainwashed or was just hit over the head too many times. He wants to be Hokage but slacks off during both the Academy and most likely during his training trip, and only has a few jutsu to his name. He spams clones, has rasengan/rasenshuriken and sage mode. That's it! I'm not counting Kurama because that's not his power.