Somewhere in the world, two aardvarks are humping.

ATTENTION!!!!! ATTENTION!!!!! IMPORTANT NOTICE!!!!!

Due to the fact that my muse likes to mug me at it's convinience, not mine, but is a lazy creature, updates on any story that I write will be, at best, sporadic and irregular. I apologize to anyone who would like me to write at a fast pace, because I can't. Sorry.

END OF IMPORTANT NOTICE!!!!!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it

You Know You're an author when...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?')

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You refer to yourself in the plural, i.e, "we" or "us", because there is more than one person in your head.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason.

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. Then add something to the list.

Random Quiz!!!! YAY!!!!

1 You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting' you. (X)
2 You have ran into a glass/screen door. (X)
3 You have jumped out of a moving vehic0le. (X)
4 You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks. (X)
5 You have ran into a tree/bush. (X)
6 You have been called a blonde. (X)
7 You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow. (X)
8 You just tried to lick your elbow. (X)
9 You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the
same melody. (X)

10 You just sang them to make sure. (X)
11 You have tripped on your own feet and fallen. (X)
12 You have choked on your own spit. (X)
13 You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it. ()
14 You type with three fingers or less. ()

15 You have accidentally caught something on fire. (X)
16 You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose. ()
17 You have caught yourself drooling. (X)
18 You have fallen asleep in class. (X)
19 Sometimes you just stop thinking. (X)
20 Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you were talking
about. (X)
21 People often shake their heads and walk away from you. (X)
22 You are often told to use your "inside voice". ()
23 You use your fingers to do simple math. (X)
24 You have eaten a bug accidentally... (X)
25 You are taking this test when you should be doing something more
important. (X)
26 You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize
it. (X)
27 You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your
hand/pocket the whole time. (X)
28 You have reposted bulletins because you are scared that what they
say will happen to you if you don't. ()
29 You break a lot of things. ()
30 You tilt you're head when you're confused. (X)

31 You have fallen out of your chair before. (X)
32 When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture
on the ceiling. (X)
33 The word "um" is used. (X)
34 You dont know what "um" means. (X)
35 You say "what" and "huh" alot. (X)
36 Your directionally impared. ()
37 People often think your younger than you actually are because of the way you act. ()
38 People have accused you of having Tourette Syndrome. ()
39 You mix up your right and left hand. ()
40 When you cant describe something you resort to hand gestures. (X) Why not, it's easy!
41 You make up your own words. (X) I could have a dictionary
42 You space out alot. (X)
43 You've laughed so hard you couldn't breathe. (X)
44 You stare off into space alot. (X)
45 When talking to someone, you trailed off and started mumbling to yourself. (X)
46 Your friends fear for your sanity. (X) Actually, they wonder if I ever had it! LOL! =P
47 You cant remember what happend yesterday. (X)
48 You cant remember what happend an hour ago. (X)
49 You laugh at things that no one else thinks are funny. (X)
50 You've been called a klutz before. (X) All the time
51 You spell 4 letter words wrong. ()

52 You often say "Can you repeat the question?" (X)
53 You dont know how many letters are in the alphabet. ()
54 You just sang it to check. ()
55 You counted on your fingers. ()
56 You didnt get 26 letters. ()
57 When you learn a new word, you repeat it because it sounds cool. (X)
58 It's very easy to confuse you. ()
59 People ask you if your in the right class or grade. (X)
60 You rock back and forth or shake when you get nervous. ()
61 Sometimes, you feel lightheaded or dizzy for no reason. (X)
62 You have gotten lost in your own house or backyard. ()
63 You've spelled your own name wrong. ()
64 You have forgotten your own name. ()
65 You have forgotten your parents or best friends names before. (X)
66 You start studdering when your too hyper or exited. (X)
67 You have forgotten where you are or where your going. (X)
68 You don't know why your taking this quiz. (X)
69 Your afraid of the monsters in your closet. ()
70 You still have a nightlight because your afraid of the dark. ()
71 You get hit and 10 secounds later flinch. (X)
72 When someone screams you scream too. ()
73 Simple or low tech things entertain you. (X)
74 You belive you can fly and have tried. (X)
75 You hurt yourself in trying to fly. (X)
76 You belive in lepracauns, werewolves, vampires, ect. (X) Why can't they exist?
77 When you hurt yourself, you get up and try it again only to hurt yourself again. (X) Long story...
78 You have taken a drink, laughed, and the drink went through your nose. (X) ...
79 You jump to conclusions that make no sense to anyone but you. (X) All the time!
80 You have tried to lick your ear. (X)
81 You talk to yourself. (X)
82 You argue with youself outloud. (X)
83 You have a secret room where you plot your diabolical plans for world takeover. (X)
84 You narrate your own life or someone elses life. ()
85 People call you random. (X)
86 They don't mean random in a good way. (X)
87 People accuse you of being high or stoned. (X)
88 You mess up when counting to 10. ()
89 Your friends are embarresed to hang out with you. ()
90 Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. ()
91 Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. (X)
92 You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen. (X)
93 People have called you slow. ()
94 Your friends/family know not to use big words around you. ()
95 You used a calculator to find your score for this bulletin. ()

96 you've seen the 'Charlie the unicorn' Video. ()
97 you've been shocked by those fake pieces of gum. (X) It hurt
98 your friends have checked the back of your head for '666'. (X)
99 you've laughed really loud during a scary movie. (X)
100 You've been kicked out of a golfcourse' movie theater/ bowling ally/ other public amusment place,for causing mass histeria. () Not yet... }:-]

Add up how many checked boxes you have and divide it by 100.(there are 100 questions)

68!! =P

Everything you are about to read from here is perfectly true about me. All these actually happened. I am that insane!:

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off!

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile

I may be insane but I'm not stupid to try pot! DUH!!

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

You know when you live in 2012 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played Solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or Myspace
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends...
9.) ...and you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism.

If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I wear BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.
I've HURT MYSELF, so I MUST be emo.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I'm JAMICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a stuck up whore.
I wear skirts a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big peter.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
I HAVE BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy.
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I’m CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hate gay people.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blonde blue-eyed lesbian.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I don’t CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I'm SWEDISH, so I MUST be WHITE.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm AUSTRALIAN so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I’m RUSSIAN, so I MUST love Vodka and Caviar.
I'm from NEW YORK so I MUST BE IN A GANG
If you hate stereotypes and think people should stop judging others, then POST THIS!

(the things that describe me are in bold.)

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

the funny friends pact:

I'll bring the shovel
Are you tired of all those sissy 'friendship' poems that alwayssound good, but never actualy come close to reality? Well, here's is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1) when you are sad- I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2)when you are blue- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3) when you smile- I will know you finally got laid
4) when you are scared- I wil rag on you every chance I get.
5) when you are worried- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6)when you are confused- I will use little words.
7)when you are sick- stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8)when you fall- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
this is my path... I pledge it till the end
why? you may ask.
because you are my friend.
remember "a good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body. let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel."
a good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "damn... that was fun!"

"What would you say I am?" "Honestly?" "Yeah." "Kinda a freak/half goth/band geek." "Awesome." conversation a friend of mine and I had when we got to talking about what kind of social class in school we fell under.

"Ah, fuzuke it! Let's just nuke the damn thing and call it good." "GET THE NUKE PROGRAM!" "Da, where's the nuker?" "The what?" "We're gonna nuke the computer. Where's the nuke program?" --this is what happens when the computer is a pain in the ass and gets rid of the anti-virus and you can't bring it back to life.

"MY SUGAR! MY PRECIOUS! NOOO! IT WAS AN INNOCENT SODA! NOOO! DON'T TAKE AWAY THE CHOCOLATE! MY PRECIOUSES!" -dramatic fall over- Me during a sugar high which resulted in about an hour of acting all crazy.

"Rule one: NEVER GIVE A CLASS FULL OF PYROMANIACS THE OPTION OF USING A BURNER!"

I usually forget what i was talking about...hmmm...where am i?

i hope you enjoy my stories!! dont forget to review!!

THE STORY OF JACK SCHITT

Jack: It's pronounced "shit", don't get it wrong.

Who is Jack Schitt, you ask? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation!

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schit married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then know as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens" wedding. The children of the Schitt-Happens are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left the home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!", you can correct them.

I'll kill any fucker that does this to my girl, or any girl.

"Can we have sex right now?

Girl: "Can we do what?"

Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"

Girl: "Um...no."

Guy: "Why?"

Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend..."

Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell."

Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."

Guy: "I'm not special to you?"

Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."

Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.

5 minutes pass...

Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.

Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.".

Guy: tries to kiss her.

Girl: screams, "Would you stop."

Guy: continues trying.

Girl: moves to the back seat

Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.

Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."

Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.

Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."

Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".

Girl: crying, continues to fight.

Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.

Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"

Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.

An hour passes...

Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.

Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, crying.

Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.

Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now."

Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.

2 months later...

Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."

Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."

Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.

Doctor: "You are pregnant."

Girl: faints.

The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."

The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant...then he lied about it. So completely depressed...the girl commits suicide by drug overdose...

Girls, if this story touched you, put this on your profile under "No means no"

Guys, if this story pisses you off, put this on your profile under "I'll kill any fucker who does this to my girl or any girl"

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

If you have done any of these things and thought it was funny copy and post this on your profile. =P

Reasons why being gay is not a bad thing, AKA, why gay people are awesome.

A] Homosexuality is found in nature ... all over the place. There is nothing 'unnatural' about it. In one species of monkey, apparently all the females are lesbian. The males have to force them to mate, and the females mate constantly with each other. About 90% of some species of giraffes are gay, with the males preferring to mount other males exclusively. And it is possible, by manipulating certain conditions prior to birth, to predetermine the sexual orientation of rams.

B] There is no "choice" involved. Sexual orientation is present at birth in the majority - the great majority - of humans. Genetics have somewhat to do with it, but the primary factors appear to be related to the hormonal make up of the amniotic fluid. Gays and lesbians make up 4-5% of the population, at all times and in all cultures. It just happens. Deal with it.

C] There is no Great Evil Gay Agenda. Their "agenda", if you want to call it that, is a deep desire to be left the hell alone so they can get on with their lives. Secondarily, their agenda is to be treated with the same respect that non-gay humans are treated with. Most state laws don't.

D] Apparently there is a connection between being gay and possessing some sort of artistic talent. I'd say they're just naturally fabulous. ;-D

Don't hate gay people. They're human too, they just happen to be wired a little, (emphasis on little), bit differently then we are, so don't judge them. Besides, gay people are cool. I have several friends who are gay, and they're some of the coolest people I know. And if you have a problem with that, DEAL WITH IT!!!!

You know you watch too much Invader Zim when:

1. You have a sudden craving to squeeze a rubber piggy.

2. You don't listen to politicans speeches anymore... you vote for the tallest one.

3. Martians existed. And you know exactly what happened to them.

4. You pass out meat on Valentine's day instead of candy.

5. You talk in third person.

6. You block up your chimeny on Christmas beacuse you fear Santa's 'jolly boots of doom'.

7. The most terrifing image you can come up with is a moose eating walnuts.

8. You check your soap for bacon... just in case.

9. When you get a zit, you name it Pustulio and insist that he has hyptnotic powers.(LISTEN TO PUSTULIO HE IS YOUR MASTER)

10. When a dog follows you, you're frightened that you're turning into bolonga.

11. Chihuahuas are frightening creatures...

12. Tuna is worth NOTHING anymore.

13. Waffles are the best food in the world. Period.

14. Being 'normal' is important beyond all else.

15. You've begun to wonder if your teacher can survive in the sun or not.

16. You've suspected that the nearby hot dog stand is controlled by aliens.

17. You wear a trench coat everywhere.

18. You don't eat proper meals anymore; only snacks.

19. You've tried to convert your basement into a secret base.

20. When someone calls you stupid, you respond with 'I'm not stupid. I'm ADVANCED'!

Copy and paste that into your profile if you laughed.

If you've ever shed at least a single tear for Zim. Copy and paste this into your profile. (when i read The Trial script. so sad!)

If you have a severe case of OOIZD (Overly Obsessive Invader Zim Disorder) copy & paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with Invader Zim, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. XD

IF YOU HAVE EVER NOT READ A STORY BECAUSE IT HAD A BAD TITLE, BUT THEN WENT TO READ IT BECAUSE YOU WERE BORED, AND FOUND IT WAS AWESOME, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE.

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

You know it's a bad day when you roll off the bed... and miss the floor.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you are all the same.(i love the storys where ZIM learns the truth about his mission and then realizes this about irkens!)

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?

Did you know sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

If you've ever been really hungry while reading a fanfic, but didn't want to leave the computer to get something to eat so you could keep reading, copy and paste to your profile.

If you like to root for the bad guys in movies/TV shows, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think the people at Nickelodeon are morons for canceling Invader Zim in the first place, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think Nickelodeon is blind, deaf, and stupid for canceling Invader Zim, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you LOVE tacos copy and paste this to your profile.

If you FREAKING LUUUURRRRRVVVEEEE GIR, copy and paste this to your profile!!!!!!!

If you're a bad athlete and proud of it copy and paste this to your profile.

If everytime you hear the word rum, you automatically think of Captain Jack Sparrow, put this on your profile!

If you think you should be able to watch what you want on TV without being called immature, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you believe in doing what you love, no matter what other people might think, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a chocoholic copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile.

If you have a lot of fanfic ideas in your head but are unable to bring yourself to write them, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you get a kick out of explosions, put this in your profile.

If you feel that half your day is spent being bored copy this onto your profile.

!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you can't stop putting these things on your profile, copy and paste this to your profile!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like Copy & Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you realize that copying and pasting stuff into one's profile is completely pointless, yet do it anyway, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you already have a gajillion of these "copy this into your profile" things, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you LOVE Choco-tacos copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like ZIM copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this into your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing copy and paste this into your profile

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have a million and one notebooks, and still need more for your imagination or creativity, copy this into your profile

If you have no idea what people are talking about yet you pretend that you do, copy and paste this on your profile.

copy and paste this to your profile if you want a taco

CoPy AnD pAsTe ThIs To YoUr PrOfIlE iF yOu'Re AwEsOmei!i

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7 percent that would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who would go to a book store, read everything, then leave if you had that sort of time, then copy and paste this to your profile!

If you have ever yelled at your television because a character or someone you don't like was on copy and paste this into your profile.

If you agree that the last week of school is pointless, copy this into your profile.

If you enjoy swimming, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been completely, utterly, unbearably, inhumanely, maddeningly bored, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever woken up on the floor of your bedroom for no explainable reason, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever attempted to follow the butterflies, copy this into your profile.

If your neighbors think you or your family (or both) are phsyco, copy this into your profile.

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.

If you think you eat an excessive amount of cereal, copy this into your profile.

If you enjoy pancakes (or waffles) a little bit too much, copy this into your profile.

If you agree that Dora needs to use some of that "Sticky Tape" on her mouth, copy this into your profile.

La-di-da-di-da...*hums*...dee-dee-doo-la-dee...I'm singing...la-di-da-di-da, dee-dee--Oh, crap, I'm saying this out loud!

If you think you are part OCD, copy this into your profile.

If you hate Nickelodeon for canceling Invader Zim, copy this into your profile

If you're easily distracted, then...HEY! WHAT'S THAT?

If you laugh to yourself then get annoyed when people ask why, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If your a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this to your profile

If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're pretty sure you have two or more of the same copy and paste things but your profile is just too long to check or you're lazy, copy and paste this into your profile!

HOW CRAZEE??

Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't spanish and you just do that to annoy him.

Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o (and you forgot to put a spoon in your lunch box) that you try drinking your Jell-o through a straw and using straw chopsticks because straws were the only untensil-type thing available.

Crazy is when you start dancing in Walmart to its cheesy music.

Crazy is when u laugh uncontrolable at your own jokes.

Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.

Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.

Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.

Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.

Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.

Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".

Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.

Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.

Crazy is when your are going through this as a checklist.

Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random moments.

Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.

Crazy is when your crazy.

Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.

Crazy is when you convince your friends you're 'high' because you can't stop laughing even when nothing is funny. And then all of you convince the nearest adult that you're having a breakdown.

Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.

Crazy is when it is last day of school you scream and run around in circles.

Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the move.

Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world,

Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.

Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".

Crazy is when you have a pig turned cloud turned clown turned rainbow turned cloud again turned leprechaun named Jorge(pronounced hor-hey) living in your head, and he/it's purple and fluffy, and won't go away!!! GO AWAY, JORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

Murphy's War Law

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
-when they're ready.
-when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The Ol' Ranger's addendum: Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious ambush!

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire... For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both).

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain't neutral.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.'

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren't.

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.

The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.

Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).

Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.

Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

To steal information from a person is called plagiarism, to steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that bill is filled by someone else.

When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack, when you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.

The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.

A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

Murphy was a grunt.

Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.

The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.

The crucial round is a dud.

Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.

There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you, if your ambush is properly set the enemy won't walk into it, if your flank march is going well the enemy expects you to outflank him.

Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.

The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).

There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.

The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.

Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands right at your feet.

As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

Walking point = sniper bait.

Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you... and miss.

Don't be conspicuous; in the combat zone it draws fire, out of the combat zone it draws sergeants, if they can see you, so can the enemy... All or any of the above combined.

Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.

Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.

Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of shit.

Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.

A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.

When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.

It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.

If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.

If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours too.

Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too.

Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.

There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both.
Addendum: When he's not there, when you're not there, or both.

Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case."

You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.

Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.

You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services.

You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right.

Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep.

"Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.

Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.

NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.

Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.

Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.

If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.

If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.

Happiness is a belt fed weapon.

Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.

If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish in them.

A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

Being shot hurts.

Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day, a few were even awarded.

There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.

C-4 can make a dull day fun.

There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose.

If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils.

If you lose you don't care.

Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow, what is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our problem.

Always make sure someone has a can opener.

Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

Flying is better than walking, walking is better than running, running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is, technically, a form of flying.

If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.

Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is Not A Good Idea!
-A combat vet will know the sound of an unfamiliar weapon in an instant and will point and shoot.
-Not only that, AKs use green tracers which mean "shoot 'em all and let God sort them out".

As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!"

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

ATTENTION!!!!! ATTENTION!!!!! ATTENTION!!!!!

How to train your Dragon challenge

What If Astrid decided to run away with Hiccup and Toothless after they took her flying? Loosely based on the first chapter of Hitchups by The Antic Repartee.

Good luck! Happy writing!

Number your twelve favorite Naruto characters ((in no order)) and answer the questions!

1. Hinata

2. Sakura

3. Ino

4. Temari

5. Kurenai

6. Anko

7. TenTen

8. Hanabi

9. Mei Terumi

10. Gaara

11. Kisame

12. Itachi

1.) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic?

Anko and Kisame? I don't think so. Hmm...

2.) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

On a scale of one to ten, Temari is a solid nine for hotness. Woof.

3.) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

OH MY GOG!! Itachi getting Hanabi pregnant? Sasuke, say goodbye to your revenge, because Hiashi is going to Juken you brothers ass until he doesn't have an ass to Juken any more, then 64 palm his head to pieces!!

4.) Do you recall any fics about Nine?

Freedom has a Price by Bleedndreamz.

5.) Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Sakura and Anko... (rockets back with a record breaking nosebleed a la Jiraya) HOLY HELL, YES!!!!!!

6.) Five/Nine or Five/Ten?

Five/Ten. Kurenai and Gaara.

7.) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

Tenten walking in on Sakura and Itachi having sex? She'd start stripping and join in, of course. 'Cause shes just awesome like that.

8.) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic.

Trapped in the sands. Bound to the trees. Connected only by the moon, will they ever find each other again?

9.) Is there such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Hinata and Hanabi. Actually, yes, yes there is.

10.) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.

Bladeless.

11.) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?

Just another boring trip to Konoha, delivering papers. Until, that is, her eye is caught by her little lavender princess, and her mind starts to plot.

12.)Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?

Not normally.

13.) Does anyone on your friends list read, write or draw Eleven?

No.

14.) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

No.

15.) What might Ten scream at the moment of great passion?

He wouldn't. He's Gaara. Enough said.

16.) If you wrote a song fic about Eight, which song would you use?

Dynamite.

17.) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Warning!! Sexy time.

18.) What would be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two?

He would just look at her and raise an eyebrow. Because he's Gaara.

19.) How might Eleven describe a relationship between Two and Eight?

Kisame would nosebleed.

20.) How emo is Seven?

Tenten being emo, hm, I dunno. Maybe a little, but who wouldn't be a little depressed about having Rock Lee on your team?

(Rock Lee starts crying in the back round. “ADRIAN NIGHTSHADE YOU ARE VERY UNYOUTHFUL!” “Oh, Lee, I'm sorry... I didn't think you'd hear that.” “YOU DIDN'T EVEN PUT ME ON AS ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE NARUTO CHARACTERS EITHER!!” “Oh sorry Lee, here if it makes you feel better, you'll be number 13.” “THANK YOU MY YOUTHFUL ADRIAN NIGHTSHADE. YOSH!”"--sweat drops-- no problem Lee.”)(Partially stolen from Sakuracherryblossoms.)

13. Rock Lee

ZODIAC SIGNS (Bold your Zodiac Sign) - I found mine to be really funny. It's because most of it is true. Especially the part about being extremely weird.

AQUARIUS - The Slut (1/20-2/18) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

PISCES - The Addict (2/19-3/20) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

LEO - The Cool One (7/23-8/22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you'll ever meet! Very beautiful. Amazing. however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

CANCER - The Smart One. (6/22-7/22) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

ARIES- The Irresistible One (3/21-4/19) Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits (11/22-12/21) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost.

TAURUS- The Aggressive One (4/20-5/20) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

LIBRA - The Partner for Life (9/23-10/22) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

CAPRICORN - The Cute One (12/22-1/19) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it… Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One (10/23-11/21) Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Best kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. Amazing in bed. A caring person. One of a kind.Gorgeous Smile.Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

VIRGO- The Promiscuous One (8/23-9/22) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

GEMINI - The Liar (5/21-6/21) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships. Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

You were Vlad the Impaler

You were Vlad the Impaler, you mass murdering maniac, you! Known for impaling his enemies, his opposition to the Ottoman Empire, and his supposed inspiration for Bram Stoker's Dracula, Vlad Dracula was a force to be reckoned with. Like Vlad, you want what you want, when you want it, and you won't settle for anything less. You are a powerful person, with a strong will and an iron fist. You have a well-known reputation, and probably a nasty one at that. I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley.

1 in 10 people born is gay. That means 1 of every 10 people is instantly put down, given bad labels, left alone, put in a minority, and so much else...all for something they didn't ask for. Many gay teens are resorting to suicide as a way of escaping. If you want to tell them ...life will get better, and you respect ...them for who they are, copy and paste this. Many won't, but let's see who will.

If you have no problem with gay or bi people, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"

I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not a jerk

I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.

I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date

I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry That I cared

I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

I am against Child Abuse and Abortion. Are you too? Then repost these messages. Infact, everything below this message is cut and paste stuff.

Child Abuse

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.

Abortion

Month one

Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

Please, if you are against child abuse and abortion, re-post this, and I bet it will help raise awareness and help to stop abortion. If you just skim over these and agree with them, don't just say "Yeah, I hate that" actually do something! Repost this. If you repost this, then someone else will repost it, then someone else, then someone else, and soon, a lot of people will know about this and do whatever they can to stop it. So please, help to save an abused child and to stop the murder of the unborn babies. Repost this.

97% of teens and middle-aged women would cry if they saw Edward Cullen from Twilight standing on top of a skyscraper about to jump. If you are one
of the 3% who would sit there eating popcorn, screaming, "DO A FLIP, YOU SPARKLY BITCH!", then please copy and paste this in your profile.

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _"
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Carebears
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . nough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.